The Geheime Vernietiging
by amoredjenaue
Summary: REPOSTED: Grief, Revenge, Redemption, Love. He never got over his brother's death, but he also never saw her coming. "Sometimes I feel like I am burning when I am around you." I murmured as I slowly lowered my head to her ear, and I could hear her breath quicken. "But it's a good burn." Bourneward. MetBella. Back up and here to stay. Agent/Assassin/Crime/Family *COMPLETE*
1. Prologue and Ch 1: Agent of Destruction

**~Prologue~**

The rain poured down over my face, the wetness so heavy I felt like I was drowning. But I ran, my feet splashing through the puddles of the dark Manhattan alley. I couldn't think. I felt like I was hardly moving, yet my lungs ached and my mind raced as I ran faster and faster. Gasping and fighting the heaviness, fighting the secret destruction transpiring in my heart.

How could he do this?

What was he thinking?

This had to be a nightmare. I couldn't be living this. My life couldn't be about this. Everything I ever did. Everything I lived for.

For nothing.

Now I had nothing.

Nothing but her.

All I could think about, all I wanted was her.

I had to get to her.

But the only thing I could feel was the rain pouring down on me. It wasn't cleansing; it was dark like soot, like volcanic ash clogging my lungs and blackening the atmosphere around me. I couldn't see, I couldn't move. I could only think one thing.

How could he?

 **~* &^%$#~**

 _ **Chapter 1- Agent of Destruction**_

" _ **45" by Shinedown**_

 _ **~Agent Cullen~**_

" _Edward, you can't catch me!"_

" _Yes, I can, yes, I can."_

 _I took off after my brother, his blonde hair flopping in his eyes as usual. I would surely catch him, even if he was older than me. Eric was always slower and distracted way too easily._

 _My five year old legs carried me as fast as they could and I tackled him. He was seven. But his 16 months on me didn't make a difference._

" _I got you!" I pounced and we rolled through the sand._

" _You cheated!" He screeched through his laughter._

" _How could I cheat just runnin' down the beach?" I questioned as I collapsed next to him._

" _I don't know. Why can't I be as fast as you?"_

" _You're stronger." I offered._

" _And smarter." He giggled._

" _Hey!" I tossed some sand on him and he threw some back._

" _You think Mom has popsicles in the house?" He asked then._

 _I drew a devious grin and started to get up before he could see me._

" _Hopefully grape ones…I'll race you!" I jumped up and took off._

" _Cheater!" He yelled again and I could hear him behind me trying to catch up._

" _You can't catch me Eric!" I was laughing as I tore up the beach to the house._

 _But then I didn't hear him behind me anymore. I stopped, huffing and turned to find him._

" _Eric?" I called as my eyes searched for him. I knew I had great sight, but I still couldn't see him._

" _Eric?"_

 _Where was he? I looked across the sand and it instantly turned. We were no longer on the beach and my vision was blurred. Instead I was in a dark parking lot, my eyes honing in on my next assignment._

" _Eric?" I called again._

 _Where was he?_

 _He was gone…_

I woke up to the slight buzzing of a fan and a hot breeze gusting across my face. But the breeze wasn't cooling, it was hot and muggy and I instantly felt the sweat running down my back.

My eyes felt swollen and sticky as I tried to open them. It was the waning light of day and I was sure that, as usual, I only actually slept a few hours, probably not having gone to bed until in the afternoon. Even the sleep I did get was filled with dreams of Eric. Our childhood, our high school, our college… just memories.

 _Where the fuck was I anyway?_

Oh right. Romania. In the heat of fucking summer and sweltering to beat all hell. Not like I could sleep anyway in this godforsaken place.

I rolled out of bed, my knees and ankles cracking as I pressed them to the floor.

 _Fuck, getting older sucks._

My thirty-four year old body just didn't bounce back like it used to. I could feel the tightness in my muscles from my mixed martial arts session with Felix yesterday. Not to mention the ache in my head from the fucking Tuica I drank last night. Once again I indulged because even though I am deep undercover there is nothing else to do here. Nothing but hone my skills shooting and fighting and drinking and fucking. Which only aids in my cover since I have to make good with the Draconis, find their ties, find their connections before I can take down the bosses of the family.

 _And unfortunately prove my loyalty._

I knew when I joined the Agency I would have assignments like this. With my special skills and ability to learn languages quickly, I had been assigned to Romania for just under two years. I was working up a cover to get inside with the Romanian crime family the Draconis. The family was run out of New York and big into all things twentieth century black market. Sex trade, guns, drugs, biological weapons, you name it they ran it. But all of their ties were back in Romania. It was here they shipped their guns, ran the girls and hid their money. It was here I had to get in with the right hand men who had Vladimir and Stefan's trust. The Draconi brothers were the godfathers of the organization and were some seriously twisted motherfuckers. So it was here I had to prove myself by being a loyal counterpart, by taking the assignments they gave me without a word.

 _At least it wasn't the girls._

I also knew when I joined the FBI that these were the kind of sick, nasty motherfuckers I wanted to take down. The Draconis moved in when the Volturis and the Ghattis and the Mancinis went down. Well not entirely went down, but those who didn't get put away or killed went dark. But the Draconis were worse. It was no longer about illegal liquor or drugs or some guns here and there. Now the big money was the slave trade and bio weapons and these sickos plucked girls from all over downtrodden places in Eastern Europe and sold them to the most horrific and disgusting of people. They traded them like candy and tossed them aside. It sickened me and yet to be undercover I had to participate in the trade, as the enforcer so to speak.

 _Maybe that's why I don't sleep at night._

 _No, it's probably from all the people you've killed…_

It's just a cover. I had to tell myself that every day. That all of the "assignments" I took were just as sick and twisted as the fuckers who ran the organization and I was simply ridding the world of their eminent transgressions.

Soon enough I would gain access to Vladimir and Stefan myself. I was close, I already garnered favor with their right hand man, Corin. He was a tightlipped steely SOB though, and I couldn't seem to get past his shield. Felix was a bruiser, but the head of security for the organization and he and I got along and I even trained with him, hoping I could garner greater insight into the workings of the organization.

I actually didn't mind Felix that much, until I always had to conveniently leave when he took a liking to a new girl. He liked them young, and I often had to keep myself from hurling lest I lose my cover. I would pretend I had to make good on an assignment from Corin, just like I had the night before. Before the Tuica.

 _No wonder you're fucking hungover, you always go overboard after an assignment._

I switched on the light in the stifling apartment in Bucharest. I only hoped that soon enough I would get my nod and be able to get the fuck out of here. I was only supposed to be here for a year. But setting up the cover had proven more difficult than expected. The Draconis were highly organized, much more so than we originally thought. I had to work my contacts to even meet with a low-level man and then work my charm and my skills to move up through the ranks. I had been undercover before, but never longer than a few months and I was starting to feel like the monster I was portraying, like I was becoming a part of the black underground that I wanted to destroy. It was tedious and at the same time gut-wrenching and I felt like I lost a piece of myself with every assignment, a piece that wouldn't be returned even with a return to the States.

 _Not like you have anything to go back to._

I looked around the seedy apartment and thought of what a far cry this was from my childhood. I thought of my dream earlier: Eric and I playing on the beach in the Hamptons. My parents' house there was one of those perfect Hamptons estates with a pool and a sprawling lawn and a sun room ready for brunch. It was like the epitome of yuppie America, straight out of 1980's _Wall Street_. Yet, my parents somehow stayed grounded and kept the three of us level-headed as well.

 _Imagine what they would think if they knew what I did now._

Maybe it was because, even though they had the Hamptons house and the townhome on the Upper East Side, they were always just Carlisle and Esme. My father never wanted the Dutch-American affluence that came with his family name. Although he wore it in his bright blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, Carlisle Cullen was the farthest thing from a New York elite you could ever meet. He was humble and quiet and hard-working. A family man to the core, he loved my mother like she was the only woman to ever walk the Earth, because to him, she was.

He met Esme in college at Penn. Of course he had to attend Penn because he was a Cullen, or Van Cullen as the family name used to be, and all the Van Cullens went to Penn. Somewhere along the line the Van was dropped, but it didn't matter. The Van Cullens were one of the first Dutch settlers to settle in New Amsterdam, what is today New York. They rose to affluence during the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, first in shipping and then in banking. The Van Cullens later lost the "Van" to become more Americanized. But of course they still had the Estate on the North Shore of Long Island next to the Vanderbilt's, the Roosevelt's, the Whitney's and the Morgans. It's where my snobby grandparents reside to this day and still insist on keeping the Dutch bloodline and perfection of their family.

Which was why when Carlisle met Esme at Penn in 1975, Sasha and Jan Cullen were not too happy with their son's selection. Esme was from a poor Irish family in Philadelphia who earned a scholarship to the Ivy League school through her hard work and perseverance. She was tough as nails and yet gentle as a feather. My mother didn't grow up attending parties and teas and lounging by a pool.

No, Esme Platt Cullen grew up scrubbing floors and washing dishes and caring for her five younger brothers and sisters while secretly reading until late hours of the night to become as learned as possible. She wanted an escape, an escape from her misery of a drunken father and a long lost mother and a life that held only despair in Philadelphia.

She earned her scholarship and graduated summa cum laude with her Master's Degree in Architecture. Taking care of her younger siblings, my mother said she became "resourceful" and learned how to put things together. She also had a catching eye for design and used to admire the tall buildings of downtown Philadelphia from the bus as she rode to her myriad of part-time jobs to help put food on the table.

But it was during her last year at Penn that she met my father, a fourth year medical student finishing his degree as well. My father always said he was in love with her from first sight and he knew he was going to marry her from the second she walked into his lab. She had volunteered for a study to earn a little extra cash on the side to help her through school. My father was always more interested in the research side of medicine and when she sat in his chair he was instantly smitten.

Eventually they eloped, obviously against the wishes of Sasha and Jan and beyond the auspices of my mother's estranged father. They moved to New York, and although my grandparents could threaten to take away his trust fund, they simply couldn't touch it based on how my great-grandfather set it up. He and Esme bought a place in Greenwich and he worked for a pharmaceutical company in their research department. My mother was offered a job with a prestigious architecture firm and they enjoyed the newlywed life until my brother was born.

Eric Carlisle Cullen. My older brother and best friend from the time I was born only sixteen months later.

 _Mijn Broer.**_

I sighed as I looked in the mirror at my black hair and black eyes. The bags protruding from the skin made me look older than my thirty-four years. I thought of how much different I looked, but I always looked different. Eric had my father's blonde hair and piercing blue eyes of Dutch heritage and so did my little sister Alice. Although she always died hers black simply to buck against it as her own personal rebellion against Sasha and Jan.

I thought about my sister then. She was always so animated and full of life. She was three years younger than me and she married her high school sweetheart when she was only twenty-two and right out of college.

My brother-in-law was laid-back and a good counter to my sister's spunky personality. He attended NYU with Alice and worked at the Met as one of the educational directors. He was a history buff and more knowledgeable about the Civil War than anyone I had ever met. Ironically he fit in more with the Dutch-American family than I did. With is sandy blonde hair and blue eyes, he hailed from Texas but his parents moved to New York when he was twelve.

But not me. I was Esme's son. I had her strange bronze hair and green eyes, a fleck of which I couldn't see in the mirror at the moment but I knew it was there.

I missed my family. I missed my parents and my sister. I missed New York. I hadn't seen them in two years. But I didn't know if I could see them. Because seeing them would only remind me of what I missed most.

Mostly I missed Eric.

I stepped in the shower, turning the leaky faucet to its dull spray. I could barely get wet, let alone get clean, from the ancient shower. I washed my long hair as best I could and scratched at my beard. I knew the cover was necessary. The black hair dye and the dark brown, almost black, contacts and the beard made me look more like them.

More like a Draconi. A Drac. Emil Mazzonn to them.

I thought about my parents some more and how they worked so hard to separate themselves from the Cullen name. My mother of course never took to the high society Sasha and Jan expected of them. Rather, she raised us to be self-sufficient, hard-working and honest. I thanked her every day for it. I hated when I had to attend events for the Cullen side of the family. I was proud of my name and my heritage, I just hated the bullshit that went along with being a New York elite.

My parents were elite in their own right but they hardly showed it. Eventually my mother left the design firm and freelanced once she had the three of us. My father became a VP and ultimately head of the entire research department at Reycon Pharmaceuticals. They were invited to the yuppie parties and attended the Met. But I knew my Dad's favorite thing to do was to take in a Yankees game with Eric and I or read a research journal or the newest brand of fiction. My mother enjoyed cooking and laying on the beach with her sketch pad simply watching the waves and the sunrises and sunsets.

We could have done anything from our prominent background. Eric followed in my Dad's footsteps and right out of college he worked for Reycon.

Reycon, which was housed in the World Trade Center buildings.

I couldn't think about that day, it still made my stomach clench and my head ache. I had to force myself to think of better things, of better times with Eric.

I smiled to myself as I thought of college instead. I considered Columbia and staying in New York or another Ivy League school with my advanced skills and ridiculous memory. But Eric chose Georgetown and I of course had to follow suit. He was my brother and my best friend and I wanted to be just like him. I still remember my first visit to campus as an seventeen year old. I thought he was a God…

" _Yo E, you ready to go out and hit up some bars?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I looked at him dumbfounded._

" _Eric, how am I going to hit up bars, I am only seventeen…and you're only eighteen for that matter?" I questioned him._

" _Oh please little brother; it's the first lesson of college. You gotta get yourself a fake man."_

 _He handed me something and I looked at him in disbelief._

" _Eric, Mom and Dad would kill me if they knew I had this!"_

" _Dude, you look older than me. E seriously, you need to lighten up. Everybody does it. Just think you can use yours in New York."_

 _I shook my head. My brother was always the risk-taker of the two of us. Eric liked to push the envelope and be the center of attention. I was more reserved, but tagged along nonetheless._

 _We made our way to the bars and of course my brother had all the girls around him joking and laughing. Eric was ever the ladies man. He loved it when all eyes and ears were on him. I would stand back and watch in amazement._

" _E," he whispered to me at the bar. "You see that chick over there, go talk to her."_

 _I looked at the girl he was pointing to in my drunken haze and all I could see her blonde hair pouring down over her shoulder. She had long tan legs and a short denim skirt on._

" _Eric, I can't talk to her she's way out of my league." I argued with him._

" _Seriously E. You need to fucking man up. She's been giving you fuck me eyes all night. Go over there and talk to her." He said sternly._

 _So I welled up the nerve to go say "hi" to her after a shot from my brother. I walked over to her group of friends fucking scared out of my mind._

 _I didn't know how to talk to girls at a bar, what the fuck was he thinking?_

" _Hey…so, can I buy you a drink?" I asked her hesitantly. She looked at me with her dark gray eyes and smiled coyly._

" _Sure thing cutie; but I would like more than a drink." She sipped her straw and I thought my eighteen year old dick was going to jump out of my pants. It can't be this easy right? No wonder Eric gets any chick that he wants._

 _I cleared my throat and asked her what she wanted and her name, Chelsea. Before I knew it, Chelsea and I were making out in some corner booth. We were getting hot and heavy when suddenly Eric appeared with a girl on each arm saying something about going home._

 _I didn't know what the hell was going on. I just knew I fucking loved college and my brother was fucking genius at the moment._

 _So we went back to his place with Chelsea and Ashley and a third girl who I never caught her name. Sure enough my brother managed to get me laid even though I had only been with one girl before. Chelsea was a hot experienced, college girl and my brother just loved the fact that he was able to "corrupt" me._

But the next morning Chelsea was gone and I felt like I did when I had to look at the young girls at the Dracs club and pretend like I was interested. I was disgusted with myself. Eric loved to chase the girls, but I was always a bit more reserved. Yeah I had my fair share, but I was more of a relationship guy, until relationships didn't work anymore. Like with Claire.

I scrubbed my face and the sweat from my body. My muscles instinctively tensed as I thought about her.

Claire. Who I thought I was in love with and was in love with me. Who I thought would be there for me through everything no matter what.

But after Eric was gone, no one could be there. No one could understand. _Mijn Broer_ was the one person who got me. He may have been different from me, more of a player or a jokester, but he was my best friend. He was the one who I idolized and played basketball with and played the guitar with. He was the one who loved Led Zeppelin and shooting the shit until four in the morning and playing pool in the basement at the house in the Hamptons. He was the one who understood that I liked my quiet and I liked to read and play the piano, but pushed me to be more social and hit the gym at the same time. He was the one who knew I wanted to go to law school and make it on my own just like Mom and Dad. He was the one who would understand why I had to join the FBI, why I had to contribute in any way I could.

Claire couldn't understand how I couldn't let him go, and I couldn't understand how she could expect me to.

I washed off the last of the soap and stepped out of the cold shower to dry off.

Probably the most comfortable I would be all day, after a cold fucking shower, and I didn't even have a reason for a cold fucking shower. There was no Claire in my life, no tantalizing woman. Hell I hadn't even been with a woman in a year. I couldn't look at any of them the same over here after I got inside that club for the first time. I just always wondered in the back of my mind how old they were when they were sold into the horrific system. Not to mention I couldn't have a woman in my life if I wanted to. I couldn't have a relationship like Alice and Jasper because I was undercover.

I went back to the mirror to groom up my beard. I trimmed up and turned again and caught the tattoo on my bicep in the reflection and thought of Eric again.

 _Fuck it's been over ten years is this ever going to get easier?_

I slammed my fist against the wall and pressed my hands on the sides of the sink, thinking again about what brought me to this fuck hole of a place. My commitment to Eric, my commitment to my country, my vow to do whatever it took to clean up the fucking Draconis and the other disgusting pigs of the world. It was my mission; I would make it up to him no matter what I had to do.

I threw on a black t-shirt and dark jeans and black jacket. Because even though it's hot as fuck in Bucharest, everyone wears black. I slicked back my hair, putting on my aviators and a cap.

I checked to make sure my Glock and was hidden and locked up the dingy apartment. I was carrying, but as part of the cover of a crime family I had a much stronger and very illegal weapon.

I made my way down the street to a pay phone, one of many I used to check in and stay untraceable. But as I did every week, I made the one phone call I knew I wasn't supposed to make.

I dialed the numbers and waited for her response. I knew it was completely against the rules and out of code, but I had to do it. It was my only connection to him.

"Hello?" Her sweet voice answered on the other end.

"It's E."

"Hi E. Let me go get him he's in the other room playing x-box." She said.

I heard shuffling on the other end of the phone and the sound of his voice.

"E!" He squealed into the phone and all I could do was smile.

"What's up squirt? How was baseball this morning?" I asked.

"It was awesome! I pitched and I struck out seven batters!" He sounded so excited. I could only imagine what he was like after his game.

"That's great Eliot. Did you get any hits?"

"Yeah, a double, but I struck out once too." He said dejectedly.

"A double! Way to go." I tried to sound as excited as I could. "You're going to strike out sometimes too squirt; it's just part of the game."

"I know E, I know." He sighed.

"So did you catch any bad guys today?" He switched gears.

"Oh yeah, lots of them." I lied. "Are you still going to catch bad guys when you get older?"

"Of course E, I want to be just like you!"

 _If he only knew._

I tried to laugh but I knew it was forced. "Ok Eliot, I have to go, more bad guys to catch. Say hi to your Mom for me okay?"

"Ok E, talk to you later!"

"Bye Eliot."

The phone clicked off and I looked at it for a moment. The only connection I had to my real life and my old world. I wish I was catching bad guys, I wish I was really a cop in Miami like I told him. I wish I could have the satisfaction of looking in his eyes and telling him I put away criminals on a daily basis.

But I couldn't. And he didn't want to be like me. He didn't want to have no one. He didn't want to be consumed by this need to avenge his brother. He didn't want to be a killer. He didn't need to know how I felt and what I saw on a daily basis. He didn't want to consort with the type of people I did.

And I didn't want him to. No. I would never let Eliot become like me.

I readjusted my shades and looked around behind the lenses, careful to make sure no one noticed my stop. I stepped away from the phone and made my way to the back alley and the doorway that led to _Poarta Ardeal._

From the front it looked normal, an Eastern European club where the college students would come and drop thousands of dollars from their rich Daddy's bank accounts while on break in Europe.

But it was in the back that held the secrets, the connections I needed to bring down the Draconis. It was the back I only had access to after the last few months. It was in the back that the unassuming college girl who was separated from her friends was forever lost or the poor girl from the streets whose parents would never see her again.

I gave one of the guards the password and made my way through the dark muggy hallway. It was hot as fuck in here too and I knew the club was only getting started. It couldn't be much past 10:00 at night and this place was known to be crazy until 5 or 6 in the morning.

I made my way to the end of the hallway and climbed the stairs, the music thumping and sending reverberations through the metal. I gave another knock at the top of the stairs and was asked for the second password. This one was easy, it was simply my name.

" _Agent de distrugere."_ I replied as he peered through the slit in the door.

Vasilii opened the door and I stepped inside to see the couches and the red light. The two way mirror ran along the far wall and overlooked the club. I could see the lights flashing and the music was beating louder as my eyes swept the room. My 20/8 vision, an extreme rarity among humans is one of the best recorded ever, allowed me to see things most people couldn't see. It made me perfect for my job along with my speed and quick reflexes.

Unfortunately, it also made me see things I sometimes didn't want to see. Like the girls in the corner or the lines on the dark tables or the holsters strapped to most of the thugs in this club. But I knew it made me lethal and even better at my job.

"Emil. Brother, what are you doing here so early?" Felix asked in his thick Romanian accent as he slapped my shoulder and I winced in pain.

"Fuck, Felix go easy on a brother, you kicked my ass yesterday." I smirked at him. He flexed his muscles and gave me a toothy grin.

"You getting bigger like me though E. Much better my friend."

I nodded in agreement and he handed me a glass of Tuica. I had to admit the only benefit of Romania was that I was in the best shape of my life. I only had two priorities, meeting the family and my assignments. With no paperwork and no friends I had little else to do with my time but hit the dirty gym down the street and throw around some weight with Felix or practice my martial arts. What Felix would never know was that I was trained at Quantico and due to my ridiculous memory was even more lethal than I ever showed him in a sparring match.

I gave him a grim look as I sipped the Tuica and he chuckled.

"Emil, you just need to get laid my friend. Come along, we have some good ones tonight." His eyes lit up as he led me to the corner of the room. I could see two of them. They couldn't have been more than fourteen and they looked terrified. I was sure Felix would break them both in and then they would be sold off to whatever high fucking bidder came into the club that night.

"Emil. These are Nikola and Renata." I nodded at the girls who were petrified and obviously uncomfortable. Bile rose in my throat and I once again knew I needed to make my exit. I had somehow avoided it, in the two years I was there. I never had to break one in, because that wasn't my role, thank God. I had much more important tasks to fill.

"Yes, they are quite beautiful Felix. You're a lucky _Labagiule_ *." I punched his arm and took the shot of Tuica from the rest of my glass. It burned as it went down and I could feel the bile from my hangover now rising as well.

"Ah, indeed Emil. How come you never take part? Don't you like the girls?" He rubbed his beard and looked at me intently.

I shrugged and gave him my best smirk. "I tend to like more _experienced_ ones myself." Hoping that would cover it.

He roared with laughter then and I made my exit. I made the excuse to see if Corin had an assignment for me.

**I left the room through the secret doorway on the opposite side. Something I had only gained access to a month earlier, after I proved to Corin that I could follow through on over a dozen assignments.

My feet shuffled through the blackness and found the door for Corin's lair. The fucker never slept, never seemed to leave. I knew a large portion of the operations in Romania were run out of this office. I had seen more than one foreign dealer walk through these doors.

I gave the knock and he called for me from the other side and I entered.

"Emil. I have an assignment for you." He said in Romanian and I cringed internally as I thought about my night ahead.

He gave me the paper and I looked it over briefly; quickly storing the information with my photographic memory. He knew I didn't need to look twice, I remembered all the information perfectly and I never got an assignment wrong.

Then he burned it, so there would be no trace of the encounter. I knew this was why he used me. I wasn't a tracker like Demitri, but I was just as lethal because I could make information disappear. I could make people disappear. And with my 20/8 vision and impeccable precision I would disappear into the night with no trace of my presence left at a scene. Not even Quantico could teach me that. It was natural. I was born to do this job. I just tried to remember, made myself remember, that the only reason I did it was for Eric.

I nodded at Corin, knowing the business was complete and left again through the shadows and the red lights and the hallways. I exited again through the alley and lit a cigarette to keep my cover. I hated smoking, fucking despised it, but like everything else in Romania I had to pretend to do it for the appearances.

I knew this assignment. I had seen him in the club. He was a low-level drug pusher with a penchant for the young girls as well. But apparently he hadn't been paying on his girls and Corin thought he might be flipping to local authorities.

 _A liability. Take him out._

This time when I exited the alley I didn't return to my dingy apartment, I went the opposite direction to where my stash was held. It was the back of a laundromat with a digital lock and cash under the table. The owner had extra space and allowed me to rent it. For all he knew, I was just new to Bucharest and my place was too small for my "trunk" and spare furniture.

What he didn't know was that it housed my assortment of weaponry, my silencer, my secret phone, my passports and a number of other helpful devices that could get me out of a jam. I punched in my key code and opened the door, clicking the lock behind me. I rigged up my silencer and took off the glasses. I pulled on the mask and the vest that I used on assignment and quietly left.

I walked down the alley from the back of the laundromat, always careful to weave and turn to make sure no one was following me as I made my way to the bar where I knew the subject frequented. One of Corin's men was to call him thirty minutes after I left to get him to leave the bar.

So I waited like a specter in the dark casts of the alley. I pulled out my weapon and looked through the eyehole as I observed from the dark shadows. The heat was still smothering and I could feel it running down my face as I stood there covered in black, undetectable to even someone with my vision. Finally the door opened and he stumbled outside. I could hear him arguing on the phone and I aimed at his head through the blackness of the night.

I pulled the trigger.

With nothing but a whisper and an "oomph" he fell.

I disappeared back into the shadows unnoticed, before I could see the blood on the ground or the twitching of his body. Even if he was a criminal he was still a human.

I tried not to think about it. I tried to put his face out of my mind, and the sound of his fall to the ground out of my ears. But like all the others, he was stuck in my memory that was both my gift and my curse.

I made my way back to the stash room and quickly deposited my gear. I again exited taking twists and turns, sure that no one was following before stopping at a pay phone to dial in the completion.

This time Vasilii's voice came over the line and I was surprised with his request.

"He wants me to come back in?" I asked in Romanian.

"Da." The click at the end of the line gave me no choice. I didn't want to return to the club, I didn't want a second assignment or to see Felix or the girls or the drugs. But I made my way back and through the same path as I had night after night.

I gave the knock again on Corin's door and he beckoned me in.

"Emil. You have proven yourself loyal. You are wanted in New York."

I nodded, uncertain how to proceed with my apparent promotion.

"When?" I asked.

"A week."

"Da."

He nodded and I left through the blackness yet again. As I walked back to the apartment relief and adrenaline rushed through my veins in an unexpected combination. I didn't have to drown in Tuica tonight.

Finally. I was going to get out of this shithole.

Finally. I would have my chance to take down the Dracs and make Eric proud.

Finally.

I was going home.

*&^%$#

I awoke the next morning more refreshed than I had in two years. It was still stifling in the apartment, but I was finally returning to the States and that alone made it tolerable. I didn't dare return to my stash last night, so I knew I would have to wait until tonight to venture in and get my weaponry for the return.

I had a fake passport and a fake credit card linked to an offshore account and untraceable by the Dracs. They didn't know who I was exactly, they just knew I was for hire and I was good at what I did. I had garnered favor to make the trip to New York. I knew this was my shot at Vladimir and Stefan and the best chance our RICO team would have for getting inside the upper echelon of the organization.

Once nightfall came I made my way again to the laundromat with only a duffle and my necessary ware. I slipped out with only the case of my weapons, money and passports. The rest were just props and I would leave it for the next renter to find.

I found a secluded spot at the airport to make my call. They knew when I called in from this phone that it could only mean one thing. I would toss the phone as soon as it was over and board the plane to take me out of Romania.

The RICO contact picked up the line and spoke.

"Agent Cullen."

"Yes."

"You're coming home?"

"Yes."

 *** &^%$#**

 _Mijn Broer_ \- My brother in Dutch

 _Agent de distrugere-_ Agent of Destruction in Romanian

 _Poarta Ardeal-_ Transylvania Gate in Romanian

 _Labagiule-_ Motherfucker in Romanian


	2. Chapter 2: Floating

**Chapter 2: Floating**

 ** _Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

"This is the Greek and Roman exhibit and as you can see, there are several very famous sculptures. You might recognize this one as Aphrodite." I pointed to my left and continued on. "And this is Apollo to my right. And if you ever need a map of the exhibits they are located in several holders throughout the museum."

I heard snickering in the back and I knew exactly who it was. We had a few immature ones this year, but I would nip that in the bud soon enough.

"Mike? Tyler? Is there a problem?" I quirked my eyebrow at them and without saying as much, gave them my ' _I might be small, but I am a cop's daughter from Brooklyn so watch yourself'_ look.

"No Ms. Swan." Mike said with quick draw of his breath. I could see him glancing out of the corner of his eye at the half-naked Aphrodite. Boys.

"That's what I thought." I replied and continued on through the exhibit.

I continued the tour of the main level and I thought back to thirteen years ago. I remembered being in that position when I was only nineteen years old. But I was in awe of this place, a place that my father would take me once a month to see the newest exhibit. I loved the Met. But growing up a cop's kid from Brooklyn it wasn't like going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art was number one on my family's "things to do" list. Especially Charlie's.

Or Brad's.

No, Charlie would rather sit at MacNamara's on the corner and drink a Guinness on a Saturday afternoon watching the Yankees play. The good cop, well actually Captain, is quiet and hard-working. He loves his Yankees and his Guinness and he and Brad were like generational versions of each other. They had the same dark brown hair and dark brown eyes as me, and didn't get too flustered over anything.

I guess the three of us were very similar in a lot of ways. I can hold my own, my Dad taught both Brad and I to stand up for ourselves, which was important growing up in Brooklyn. But I have never been one to draw attention to myself; I would rather help others, my friends and my family and those in need. I like the simple things in life: walking in Central Park, taking in a Yankees game, having a beer with Charlie or spending a Saturday morning with the kids at the rec center. I guess it runs in the family.

Yep, Charlie Swan is a simple man. Apparently too simple for my flighty mother Renee, since she left us when I was only four and Brad was nine. She never would have been the one to take me to the museum all those years. She was too busy chasing after the next best thing. Just like she did when she took off with a baseball player for the Mets.

 _All the more reason for Charlie to hate the Mets._

But once a month, my Dad would take his little girl with her wide eyes and big dreams on the subway to Manhattan. Brad would go to the Black's and play with our friend Jacob. But Dad would quietly walk with me through the exhibits and the halls of the esteemed museum. I was in awe of the sculptures and the paintings and the replicas of days gone by. I wanted nothing more than to be an artist, to be able to express in pictures or in clay how I saw the world through my eyes.

But I couldn't draw, or paint, or sculpt worth a damn.

So instead, I decided if I could never have a work of art at the harrowed halls, I would at least work there.

Writing had always proved more my forte. But being a cop's kid from Brooklyn, I was practical and I knew I had about as much of a chance to make it as a writer as I did as an artist. So I compromised. I busted my ass to get a scholarship to NYU then I majored in Communications and Art History. When I was nineteen I applied for an internship position at the Met and, miraculously, I got it.

I never looked back.

I interned there every summer and even worked part time at a small gallery in SoHo during the school year. I wanted to work at the Met so badly I would do anything. After I finished my degree I applied for a position in the communications department and got my chance. I was beyond thrilled. It didn't pay a lot for New York at the time, but I didn't care, it was my dream job right out of college.

I quickly rose up through the ranks of the department and took on extra projects whenever I had the chance. A year ago, I was promoted to be the head of the Intern program. I was ecstatic. I loved helping the college students and high school students expand their horizons just as I was able to. It also provided me with the comfortable salary to be able to buy my first apartment.

I pulled myself from my thoughts and finished up the tour. I released the interns for their lunch break and made my way back to my office admiring the latest Italian exhibit we had on display.

I decided to swing down to the research department to see if Jasper wanted to join me in the park. It was a beautiful early June day, not too hot yet as it can get in New York. I wanted to be outside and enjoy the sunlight and a breeze for a while.

Jasper was one of my first friends at the Met. He began interning in the research department when I began in communications. He has boyish good looks and this drooling Southern drawl which made all the other interns go ga ga over him. But he was a bit shy and I was a bit overwhelmed with the high-class of the Met and we helped each other out those first few years. Even though he was quite attractive, Jasper was never more than a friend. He and I just understood each other, we had similar goals and ideals and he was able to roll with my dry wit with his laid-back personality. I considered him like a brother, especially after Brad died. And he acted like my brother, stepping into that overprotective role.

It didn't matter anyway; he was head over heels for his wife Alice from the time they were in high school. Alice was anything but shy, and also a very close friend. She was fun and excitable and had a love of fashion that couldn't be matched by Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein and Diane Von Furstenburg combined. She works for a fashion magazine as one of the design editors. She loved to attend the fashion week festivities and usually drug me along with her. But after a while I didn't mind it, it was fun to get new clothes and Alice taught me things my Mom could never teach me. She would bring me treats once in a while of things she received for free through work and thought would just look "marvelous" on me.

I was never one for fashion until I met Alice, but after I started working at the Met I knew I needed to be up on the latest trends and look professional. Even if I would rather be sporting my Yankees tee and some jeans as I often did on the weekends.

Alice and Jasper both grew up much differently than I did. I was from an All-American family in Brooklyn, my father the police officer and my mother an assistant at a sports agency in Manhattan. Unfortunately, it was the same agency that represented my step father Phil.

But Alice and Jasper were both children of New York elites. Jasper's parents are executives for an oil company. Alice's father is a department head at Reycon Pharmaceuticals and is a descendant of one of the founders of New York, a wealthy Dutch-American family.

Although I only met Alice's father Carlisle a handful of times at events at the Met, he was nothing like the rest of the elites who often attended. He was soft-spoken and incredibly kind, not at all snobbish or condescending. Her mother Esme was much the same, and a bit more outgoing, reflecting her Irish roots from Philadelphia. I knew there was some type of schism between her father's parents and Esme, but I couldn't imagine anyone not liking her. Even though they had more money than I could ever dream of, they never acted like it. I think that's why I got along so well with both Alice and Jasper.

However, like me, Alice also lost her brother Eric on 9/11. Although I had only hung out with Jasper at work and never really ran with their group of friends at NYU, she and I became much closer after that fateful day. We began attending the same survivor's counseling group and volunteering at benefits for families. I knew it gave us both closure and the ability to deal with our grief. I would always miss my brother, even him teasing me or giving me noogies or telling on each other to our Dad.

I felt bad for her though. I think she felt like she lost both her brothers that day. Her other older brother Edward was very close with Eric and she said he was never the same after Eric died. I never met him. I knew he was in the FBI now and worked all over the country and overseas, but he was apparently so different from the brother she grew up with that she hardly recognized him. I knew she hadn't seen him in a few years and she didn't like to talk about him. The only time Alice ever acted quiet was when someone mentioned her brothers.

I knocked on Jasper's door just then to see him look up from the thick, dusty book he had his nose in.

"Jazz, how about the park for lunch? We can walk down to Gray's and get hot dogs and then take a stroll." I offered.

It was Friday; I could afford a Gray's or two since I had been "good" all week, a.k.a., brought my own lunch. I never really thought about what I ate. And then I hit twenty-five and realized my metabolism was slowing and I couldn't eat takeout Chinese or hot dogs from a stand every day. I began running through the park in the mornings and playing racquetball with Alice or Kate every Tuesday and Thursday. But by Friday, I liked to treat myself and what a better way than with a couple of Gray's Papaya hot dogs.

 _And tonight a few Ketel One martinis with my girls._

"Sure, let me just mark my page." Jasper took off his glasses and I couldn't help but laugh at him. He had on a long-sleeved checked shirt and sweater vest in the summer time.

"What?" He asked quizzically.

"Nothing Jazz, you just look like a college professor or something." I couldn't help but keep laughing at him as he shrugged. "I'm surprised Alice let you out of the house in that." I teased.

"She left early for work this morning so she couldn't set out my clothes."

I barked out another laugh and shook my head. "Are you kidding Jasper, you're thirty-two years old and you have to have your wife pick out your clothes?" I mocked him.

"Hey, don't be dissing on the sweater vest." He ran his hands down the front like it was a prized possession.

"Whatever Jazz, c'mon, let's get lunch." I nodded my head out the door and Jasper followed me out the back of the building. We took our shortcut to Gray's and stood in line around the corner. Jazz and I chatted about the newest exhibit he was doing research for and I told him about a few of the interns.

"I swear, they get bolder every year! We never would have acted like that!" I exclaimed as I mentioned a few of their comments.

I was telling him about Mike and Tyler and how they couldn't seem to handle the nude sculptures and pictures.

"I doubt it was only the sculptures and pictures they couldn't handle." He said just then warily.

"What are you talking about?" I was puzzled.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Seriously Bella?"

I shook my head.

He sighed. "When are you going to realize that you are a beautiful woman, and nineteen year old boys will have a hard enough time focusing on the artwork, let alone with you walking around in front of them."

"You're full of shit Jazz." I rolled my own eyes in response.

"Am I." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "How about that businessman over there that can't take his eyes off you, or the guy in the sunglasses, I bet he's not really reading the newspaper right now." He motioned lightly.

 _Always acting like the older brother._

"Jazz. How would you know?" I hit his shoulder and then crossed my arms over my dress. I looked down at my pumps and the dark blue Marc Jacobs dress that Alice swiped for me from her work.

"Because Bell, I have to look out for you, you're too nice and naïve for your own good."

"Whatever Jazz, I will have you know that I can hold my own." I harrumphed at him.

"Oh really. One self-defense class is going to do that huh?" He shook his head and sighed. I knew where he was going next, it was the same discussion Jazz and I went round and round about every time the two of us got together lately. He didn't like my boyfriend and didn't trust him.

Before he could even say it, I stopped him. "Don't even start in on James, Jazz, you hardly know him."

"And you do?" He asked matching my pose.

We turned the corner getting closer to the front door and I pulled up my sunglasses to give him the evil eye.

"Well I definitely know him better than you, considering the one time you joined us for happy hour all you did was scowl at him the whole time." I chided him.

"Bell, I don't know, I just… I think you could do better." He sighed.

 _Yes, definitely always acting like my older brother._

I couldn't do anything but shrug at him then and sigh. Jazz never liked the guys I dated and neither did Brad. Between Charlie and Brad I had to practically go underground to get a date in high school. Hell, they would have died if they knew my first boyfriend and first time was with Josh Umbry. Then when Brad died, Jazz took over that role. Charlie was never the same so he didn't even seem to notice. I think Jazz felt like he had to step in and care for me or something.

I decided to change the subject. "So what do you have planned for your anniversary? You better do something special for Alice." I raised my eyebrows at him, not wanting to talk anymore about my boyfriend James.

But as he started to tell me about his plans for his anniversary, I couldn't help but think about his insistence that he didn't like James.

James Raven and I met a few months ago at a bar in Greenwich. James is an attorney downtown for a boutique business firm. He has striking blue eyes and blonde hair. He's charismatic and confident, and I guess he has a bit of an attitude, but I always felt it was simply due to his stressful job. I couldn't understand why Jasper hated him so much. We weren't that serious, or even exclusive, and I hadn't even seen him since last week because he was out of town on business.

I knew Jasper was just concerned about me. He and Alice wanted me to have what they had. I dated, but I just hadn't found that spark or that feeling that makes your stomach flip-flop. I didn't know if James was it. I mean, how do you really know?

I realized I hadn't been listening very intently to Jasper when I was the one that asked him about Alice and their anniversary and I pulled myself from my thoughts. I just nodded and smiled as we made our way to the counter to order and he told me about his plans.

I got my usual, two dog's with ketchup, mustard and kraut and paid the cashier. Jazz and I stepped back outside and when I bit into my first one ketchup ran down the front of my dress.

"Crap! I need to go get some more napkins. Can you hold this Jazz." He nodded with his mouthful and grabbed my paper trays as I walked back inside.

I grabbed a handful of napkins and right as I turned to leave and was met with what felt like a brick wall.

"Humpf!" I stumbled and strong hands grabbed me to keep me from toppling to the floor.

I looked up, stunned from the impact, to see the most piercing green eyes I had ever seen. I couldn't quite grasp the intensity of their gaze. They were as green as…I couldn't put a name on it. I wasn't sure, a shamrock? An emerald? The grass in Central park?

 _Wow, very eloquent Bella. A shamrock?_

But, I couldn't pull myself from them. I was speechless. It finally dawned on me that I hadn't said anything and I immediately stammered out an apology.

"I'm sorry; I should really watch where I am going." I stated shaking my head. "I was just in a hurry because I spilled on my dress."

I looked at him more closely then and realized he was the man with the aviators and the newspaper that Jasper pointed out earlier. The sunglasses were now hooked in his shirt and he had on a Yankees hat covering what appeared to be dark brown, almost black hair. He had a rugged jaw and a strong nose and his lips were full and turned into a crooked grin. His face was scruffy, like he hadn't shaved in a week. I had the sudden urge to trace my fingers over his jaw and let the scruff tickle my…

 _Trace your fingers over his jaw. What the hell Bella?_

I realized I was staring again and he hadn't spoken and I followed his gaze down this time. The ketchup was now set in my dress, right over my left breast.

 _Shit._

He coughed and shook his head and I realized he still had one hand on my arm. "It's not a problem. I just wanted to make sure you didn't fall." He said in a voice that sent sparks shooting up my spine like they were shot out of a cannon. It was low and smooth like the purr of an engine.

 _What in the...?_

His eyes glanced from me, back to my dress and back up again and I then noticed the heat oozing from his hand through my body, causing a sizzling sensation to skip across my skin and make me so hot that I had the opposite desire to shiver.

Then he stepped back and released me and the sizzling was gone. But I instantly felt a strange loss at the lack of connection.

I shook my head again and snapped back to his green shamrocks and finally sputtered out a thank you.

"Well, thank you, for saving me or whatever." I tried to smile but I was in awe of the greenness of his eyes and the strength of his jaw. And now that he was a few feet from me I could see his ripped muscles under the tight black tee and a tattoo peeking out on his bicep.

Dear God. I bit my lip.

 _Did I just groan? I really hope not._

I nodded and he simply nodded back, his eyes locked on mine and I stumbled as I walked back outside.

The entire encounter couldn't have taken more than thirty seconds but it felt like a lifetime. I was in a trance and my heart was galloping at the speed of a thousand horses. I tried to catch my breath and put one foot in front of the other and figure out what the hell just happened.

Suddenly I heard laughing and looked up; Jasper was shaking his head at me.

"What?" I asked him.

"Leave it to you to spill all over yourself." He joked.

I shrugged, still entranced and began to try cleaning the ketchup off my dress while thinking about the green-eyed Apollo and his intent gaze on where my hands were now rubbing.

 _I wouldn't mind those hands elsewhere._

Holy hell! I never have a reaction like this to a man, what the hell is wrong with me? And Apollo? Where did _that_ come from?

I shook my head again and Jasper was looking at me curiously and I just shrugged. It was then I realized that I spilled ketchup on my dress in front of literally the hottest guy I have ever seen.

I sighed.

"What's wrong Bella?" Jasper finally asked me.

"Nothing…let's go to the park." I grabbed my hot dogs and gingerly finished eating them, careful not to spill any more on my dress.

 _Well this is going to have to go to the drycleaners._

We walked to the park and took a seat on a bench. Jasper put his hands behind his head and laid back and I simply crossed my legs as we looked out over the open field. There were kids playing Frisbee and couples on blankets and everyone seemed to be enjoying the summer day as much as us. But I couldn't help but think again about the man at Gray's and the strange reaction my body had to him. It was like I was on fire for a moment; I had never felt like that in my life.

It was so much different than my reaction to…well any man for that matter. Strangely it made me want to know what it was Jasper didn't like about James. Maybe I was missing something. I knew I was missing something in our relationship, we were just floating along, like I often did with guys. But I wasn't looking to settle down, I love my life, I loved my friends and my job. So what if James wasn't the one, I could still have some fun right?

"Jazz, what is it you don't like about him?"

"About who?"

"James."

He sighed and he rubbed his hands down his face. "I don't know Bella, he's just…he looks at you like you're a possession or something. And I know you; you're way too smart and beautiful, not to mention strong-willed and pig-headed, to be a trophy wife."

I slapped his arm. "Hey, I'm not pig-headed."

He just raised his eyebrows at me.

"Ok, maybe I'm a little pig-headed, but that doesn't make _him_ a bad person."

Jasper contemplated something for a moment before he leaned forward and clasped his hands. "Well, I don't know how to explain it, but you know how you get that sixth sense when you just don't trust someone." I nodded. "I get that from him." He shrugged then. "I can't explain it. That's just how I feel."

"Well maybe you need to _actually_ meet him, talk with him Jazz." I said sternly. How could he hate him if he had only said two words to the guy?

"Ok when? Set the time and place."

I thought for a moment. Alice and Kate and I were going to the new Press Lounge at Ink48 for drinks tonight.

"Tonight. Drinks at Press Lounge. You can join Alice and Kate and I and I will invite James." I nodded firmly.

"Fine." Jasper grumbled. "But just so you know, you'll listen to me someday."

I shrugged. I was a big girl, I could take care of myself.

*&^%$#

After lunch I made my way back to my office to get the interns set with their first assignments. Once I handed them off to their respective departments I was only in charge of the ones in Communications. But I would still be responsible for any complaints or transfers that may arise.

We had a big fundraising event coming up in July and I decided to give this fresh set of interns their first assignment writing bios on some of our new exhibits. I would of course edit and critique them, but it was a good chance for them to display their skills.

After I had them set, I decided to go walk through the Greek and Roman exhibit again. Even though we had multiple different types of artwork and sculptures and paintings, I was always drawn to the Greek and Roman hall. I loved the openness and the light that shone down on the magnificent stones. I marveled at the detail and the impeccable craftsmanship of the Gods of days gone by.

I made my way down to look at Apollo again, unable to forget how it felt when the real life Apollo I met over lunch had his hand on my arm. I had never felt a sensation like that in my life. I was staring at the detail etched in the stone, the perfect lines of his abs and the epic v of his hips. It was exquisite, the perfect specimen of man. Muscular, strong, commanding, and ethereal in its vision.

Suddenly, I felt a strange humming sensation tickle my neck and I reached back and ran my hand along it and shivered.

"It's really remarkable isn't it?"

I froze. It was like a whisper of a ghost, floating without a body. But I knew there was a body to it. I could feel the current flowing off it in waves.

I couldn't turn, I couldn't look at him. It was as if I had heard that voice a million times, even though I had only heard it once a few hours ago.

I kept staring at the statue and willed my breathing to steady, but like my reaction before I could instantly feel my heartbeat quicken and the skip in my breath.

I cleared my throat. "Remarkable is the perfect word for it." I said in a hushed tone and still without looking at him.

"Hmmm." I could hear him pondering. "I would venture to say there are more beautiful things in this room however." He said, I was sure undetectable to anyone but me. His voice was low and gravelly, and I couldn't fight the quiver that crept up my spine.

 _Was he talking about me? No way._

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Finally, I turned and was met with the emblazoned green, all the more dazzling from the late afternoon sunlight that shone through the hall. Like glistening jade peeking out of the shores of a lake.

Jade. That's what they are. Most definitely jade. Jade against black and cream and worn by a man nothing short of the Apollo in front of me.

His jade eyes were warm and inviting with a hint of something else. A sadness almost? I couldn't place it.

"So if it's not the Apollo…the Aphrodite perhaps?" I questioned, curious about this godly stranger.

He smirked then and lifted his hand to his head, but stopped, seemingly realizing he still had the Yankees hat on his head when it looked like he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

 _I'll run my fingers through your hair._

"An equivalent let's say." He eyed me carefully again and then he stepped back. I could almost feel the atmosphere around me change. The intensity that surrounded us ebbed away a bit. The humming sensation dissipated from my skin.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," he continued, "but I saw you walk away from Gray's with a man. His name wasn't Jasper Whitlock perhaps?" He questioned.

I was immediately shocked, and shook my head. He didn't want to talk to me.

 _Of course not, he's Apollo in the flesh Bella._

He wanted to talk to Jasper? He knows Jasper? What the hell? Did he follow us here?

"Yes he works here." I finally answered him quizzically. "Do you know him?"

"We go way back." He shifted and looked back at the statute. "Sorry, I just happened to come to the Met for the afternoon when I saw you. And I don't mean to trouble you, but could you give him a message for me?" He asked then.

A message?

"I can, but he works just down the hall you can go talk to him yourself."

He shifted again and then appeared to eye our surroundings. His demeanor changed from one of intrigue to almost defense.

"I really can't." He said then and quickly looked at his watch. "I have to go actually. But can you tell him…" He paused moment.

I eyed him curiously, was he waiting for me to say something?

"Can I tell him what?" I asked.

He blew out a breath then and gestured to me. I dawned on me. He wants my name.

"Bella."

His eyes softened a bit and he smiled then.

"Bella." He repeated and the way my name rolled of his tongue instantly sent the quivers back up spine.

 _Dear God who was this man?_

"Can you tell him that E's back in town."

E? I couldn't respond. I just nodded.

He stepped closer then and I could feel the heat emanating from his body. I wanted to run my hands across his hard, muscular chest. He had to be at least 6'2 and even more muscular than I originally noted. He towered over me, but I wasn't fearful, I was in awe of him.

He bent down slowly to whisper in my ear and I could see his chest rising and falling with his breath.

"Thank you….Bella." He said quietly, and then continued past me and walked away in a flicker.

I sucked in a breath, the air now surrounded with his scent. It was clean and fresh like a spring morning, mixed with the muskiness of man.

I spun to see him, but before I could find him, his silhouette disappeared behind the columns of the great hall. Like a figment of my imagination, a whisper, a secret, he was gone. Floating off in the shadows as if he was never there to begin with.

I must have stood there for several minutes unmoving, simply under a spell. I was trying to determine if the encounter even happened or if I imagined the whole thing in my head.

"Miss, are you ok?" I shook my head and looked at the visitor to my left.

"Quite….thank you." I added and then started quickly walking back to my office, my heels ticking across the tile floor.

The whole encounter was so strange. I couldn't determine if it actually happened or not? Was it real or did I imagine it? Did he follow us or was he simply here looking about like a normal visitor? Or was he looking for Jasper?

Then I realized he _knew_ Jasper. I didn't get his name; he only called himself E. But surely Jasper would know him? Yet, he didn't seem to know him when he pointed him out earlier? He just called him the man with the sunglasses.

I was completely confused and yet my body was again buzzing from the encounter.

I made my way to Jasper's office and knocked on the door. But this time, no one answered.

Shit. He must have left for the day. I looked down at my watch and noticed it was 5:30.

How did it get so late?

I was sure my run in with the jade-eyed Apollo was no longer than a few minutes. But again it felt like a decade.

I hurried back to my office knowing I had to meet Alice and Kate at 6:00 for drinks. It was then I realized that I forgot to text James to ask him to meet us and quickly sent him a message. I wasn't sure what he was doing tonight, but I hoped he could make it.

I walked out of the Met in a fog and hailed a cab. I was still enthralled with the man in black. The jade-eyed Apollo.

*&^%$#

"Bella!" I heard a squeal as I walked through the throngs of thirsty New Yorkers toasting the end of another work week.

"Al, hey!" I gave her a hug and she eyed me approvingly.

"I knew the Marc Jacobs would look spectacular on you!" She smiled knowingly.

"What can I say, you know your fashion." I indulged her.

"C'mon, I got us a table." She motioned me over to a high-top in the corner.

I made my way over to see Kate already sitting at the table. Unsurprisingly, there were three martini glasses a top, filled with blue cheese stuffed olives and likely my favorite Ketel One vodka.

They must have been here a while though, because their glasses were almost empty. I knew what that meant; Bella was playing catch up. And Bella plus martinis plus catch up only equaled one thing. Bad news for Bella.

 _Crap I have to volunteer tomorrow._

I gave Kate a hug and sat down to my martini just as my phone chirped with a text.

"Is that James?" Kate asked me as she sipped the last of her drink.

"Yes, he's going to join us." I added as I text him back. He would be here in forty minutes.

"I don't know what you see in him." She offered.

"You too? Jesus, what is it with everyone today? It's not like I married the guy we're just dating." I scoffed and took a bite out of my olive and let the vodka and salt mix together and slip down my throat. It was heaven; Ketel One on a Friday was like a shot of heroin for an addict. My kind of heroin.

"Ok, seriously what is it with you all, first it was Jasper and now you start in. Would someone just tell me why you hate him so much?"

I saw a fleeting glance exchanged between Alice and Kate. They knew they were caught and I couldn't help but call them on it.

"What? Seriously he is going to be here in forty minutes." I glanced at my phone. "Well now thirty."

My two best friends sighed and I couldn't figure out what the problem was. Yeah, James was a bit arrogant at times, but he never did anything to make me think he was a bad guy.

"Bell, you are just…I don't know too nice for him. He gives off the asshole vibe." Alice said.

"Not to mention he seems a bit possessive." Kate added.

I thought about their comments. Was I blind? Was I not seeing these things? I just didn't think we were that serious yet.

But I knew why my friends looked out for me so much. After my debacle in college with Demitri and my ex-boyfriend Alec, my friends were overprotective of me. They said I was too trusting and didn't see myself clearly. Alec broke my heart when he cheated on me and it took me a long time to get over it. Demitri was overly interested in me after we took an art history class together and wouldn't leave me alone. I would run into him randomly in my building, at my work, close to my classes. Finally I reported him to campus security and he vanished. We never told Charlie because I didn't need my Dad freaking out, but I moved on and tried to forget about the whole thing.

I shrugged. I wanted my friends to think it didn't bother me, but it stabbed at my heart that they thought I wasn't a good judge of character. I mean, I picked them right? I always prided myself on being a cop's daughter from Brooklyn and being able to hold my own. They had to just be being overprotective.

Just then Jasper walked up and I thought it might be better to change the subject.

"Hey Jazz? Did you leave early? I stopped by your office to grab you?"

"Yeah, I had to run a few errands after work." He gave me a knowing look and I nodded. I remembered him mentioning he bought Alice a pendant at Tiffany's and he must have picked it up after work.

"Well hon, you can take my seat for a minute, I need to run to the restroom." Alice said as she kissed him on the cheek. They gave each other the same goo-goo eyes they always did and I couldn't help but shake my head.

"Again Alice you just went?" Kate asked.

She shrugged. "Broke the seal too early I guess."

I chuckled and turned to look at Jasper. I could see the look on his face; he didn't want to be here to meet James.

I sighed. "So Kate, how is your new job going?"

Kate majored in Communications with me at NYU. We met each other on our first day of classes and instantly clicked. She's a bit snarky and dry humored like me, but she has a heart of gold. She's from Buffalo, and has a similar family background. Her Dad is a cop and her Mom is a teacher. Like me she worked hard to get a scholarship to NYU as well. Kate and I lived together at NYU and for two years after college before I got my own place and she moved in with her then boyfriend. Kate is gorgeous, with bright blonde hair and blue eyes and perfect peaches and cream skin. But she's not a pushover; she can handle her own, especially in a field dominated by men.

Her passion was always public relations as well as law enforcement since she was very close to her Dad. She used to work for the NYPD in their public relations division. But she recently took a position as the Public Relations Liason for the office of Homeland Security in New York. She coordinates messages about a recent event or a threat through various types of law enforcement: FBI, U.S. Marshall Service, NYPD you name it.

"It's good." She smirked and I knew that look.

"What aren't you telling me Katie?" I responded slyly.

"Nothing." But then she blushed. Kate Denali never blushes. Ever.

"You met someone didn't you?" I almost shrieked. Kate also never dated. She had a bad experience with her boyfriend after they moved in together and warded off men for the last three years. Other than a random hook-up here and there, Kate did not date.

"Shhhh. Cripes Bella!" She rolled her eyes at me. But I could see that expression, Kate was smitten with someone. I hadn't seen her act like this since we were in college.

"Tell me about him Katie, you know I will just keep buying you vodka to make you talk." I smirked at her.

She sighed and leaned in closely, and Jasper just shook his head and looked at his phone. I could tell he was going to check out of this conversation.

"He's the director of the FBI office here in New York." She whispered.

"No shit. What's he look like Katie?" I asked excitedly.

She glanced around just then and whispered again. "Well technically we shouldn't really even be seeing each other…work relationships and all that… But Bella he's so handsome. Rugged. He has sandy blonde hair and blue eyes and it's kind of long, he pulls it back."

"Long hair? Really Kate, that is so unlike you?" I was astonished. Kate's last boyfriend Laurant was this French pompous businessman who was always dressed to perfection and expected the same of her. He was eleven years older than her and he treated her like crap.

"I know Bell, I know…" She got a dreamy look and then glanced at Jasper before she leaned over to me again. "And the sex is amazing." She sighed and I chuckled.

"Lucky bitch." I teased her.

"You have no idea." She wiggled her eyebrows and took a sip of her drink. But then her expression changed and I could see her pondering something else.

"And he's older than me." She said quickly looking down.

"How much older?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"He's forty."

"So eight years…that's not that bad." I shrugged and tried to reassure her.

She blew out a breath. "Good, I'm glad you don't think so, because I was afraid to tell you."

"Afraid to tell me? Why?" I shook my head. Kate and I always told each other everything.

"Well you know, with everything with Laurant…" She trailed off.

It was true, I hated Laurant and I hated what he did to Katie but we were both older now and if this guy was the head of the New York FBI division he couldn't be a bad guy right? I was very protective of my friends, but I also wanted her to be happy.

"Well, I am happy for you Katie." I gave her a cheers and she just smiled. "And I think you're much wiser than you were back then." I added.

Kate had been keeping herself closed off for way too long. I wanted her to know that I thought she grew since Laurant. I knew she did. We were both a lot different than we were back then.

Thinking about Kate's new man in her life made me think of James. I checked my phone again to see that I had a text.

 ** _B~ Sorry, can't make it after all, business deal fell through and need to work late. Call you tomorrow.~J_**

I sighed as I quickly typed my response and let him know it was fine to call me tomorrow. I was hoping to spend some time with him this weekend since I hadn't seen him in a week.

 _Not to mention I was good and buzzed up and hoping for some sexy fun times myself._

I turned to Jasper then to let him know he was off the hook. "Well Jazz, James can't make it." I said dejectedly.

"Sorry Bell, I know you like him and all and I will meet him eventually." He nodded.

Just then I thought of the message for Jasper from the strange man from Gray's and the Met. The Apollo.

Speaking of sexy fun times…

 _What the hell Bella, you're dating someone, you can't be thinking that!_

I shook my head and tried to focus. "Hey Jazz, remember at lunch today when you pointed out the guy wearing the sunglasses?"

"Yeah." He nodded quizzically.

"Did you know him?"

"No." He shook his head even more perplexed.

"Well, he was in the Met later, I ran into him in the Greek and Roman exhibit and he said he knew you. I don't know why he didn't say anything when we were at Gray's and I told him he could stop by your office, but he said he didn't have time and he wanted me to give you a message."

 _Oh yeah and he made my skin burn and my stomach do summersaults and sent ripples up my spine._

"What was the message?"

"He said E's back in town." I looked at him bewilderingly and wondered what that could mean.

Jasper's eyes widened and he coughed part of his martini. "Really?" He said in amazement.

"Who is he? Who's E?" I was dying to know about this stranger.

"Um… no one Bell, he's um… an old friend from high school…haven't seen him in years." Jasper looked down just then and I knew he wasn't telling me something.

"An old friend?"

He stopped me then with a serious look. "He's no one Bell."

I was a bit taken aback. But I knew not to push it. Jasper was always easy going and hardly became dark about anything. But his reaction made me all the more curious about the jade-eyed stranger.

Finally, Alice returned to the table and Jasper asked her something about the weekend. The four of us continued to sip our martinis and unwind from the work week.

I looked at my watch around ten and asked the waitress for my tab.

"Where are you going?" Alice whined, obviously tipsy from her martinis as well.

"I have to volunteer tomorrow. I can't be hungover." I said, finishing off my last blue cheese olive.

"You do too much Bell. You need to take more time for yourself." She said.

I shrugged. I wasn't married, didn't have any kids. The least I could do was help out in some productive manner. After Brad was killed I began signing up for volunteer opportunities through New York Cares. It's a state organization that lines up potential volunteers with various programs all over the State. I began volunteering six months after Brad died. Initially I wanted to help the children of the fallen, the ones who were left with a gaping hole in their lives.

I began volunteering at any event I could. Eventually I really started to enjoy a program at the rec center near my old neighborhood in Brooklyn. I loved teaching the kids about Art and the different painters and sculptors. I co-taught the program with an actual art teacher from Brooklyn, Angela Weber, who was able to teach them painting and sculpting techniques. She was unfortunately another person who lost a loved one in the Towers; her boyfriend was killed and left her with their infant son. But she was extremely quiet and never talked about her boyfriend and hardly her son for that matter.

The way I saw it, I was fortunate. Unlike a lot of others, I had a great job and enough money to do the things I wanted, even if part of that was from the 9/11 payouts that my family received from Brad's death. But a lot of people weren't in that position. I might drink Ketel One now and be able to go to swanky clubs or shopping with Alice, but I grew up in Brooklyn and I appreciated where I came from and wanted to help kids who had dreams and goals like I did. I saw it every Saturday in their eyes, the wonder and amazement like I had back then.

I bid my friends good bye and grabbed a cab home. I leaned my head back, thinking about my friends and my family. I was lucky. I missed Brad every day, but I tried to keep his memory alive by giving back and I had great friends to get me through everything. I thought about the volunteer work I did and how much worse off other people were than me. There were so many, sons, daughters, brothers, fathers, husbands, sisters, mothers, cousins that were lost. I had seen how difficult it was for so many of them to pick up the pieces. I just wished Charlie could move on as well.

I felt a pang of sadness then as I thought of my Dad and my brother. They were so close, had so much in common. I thought of my friends comments once again.

 _Did I try to do too much? I just wanted to give back._

I felt the cab pull to a stop in front of my building and reached forward to pay him my fare. I climbed the stairs to my condo and flipped on my lights in my small place.

I changed and brushed my teeth and slipped on my oversized NYU tee and a pair of boy shorts. I had been hoping James would be coming home with me tonight, but unfortunately he wasn't.

No need for the nice lingerie then.

I thought more about Jasper, Alice and Kate's concerns and I couldn't figure out why they disliked James so much. I knew they were probably just looking out for me.

But as I got ready for bed and replayed my day in my head, it wasn't James or Jasper or my brother or father that I kept coming back to.

Instead, I floated off to sleep on a cloud of Ketel One thinking about Shamrocks and biceps and a jade-eyed Apollo.

 **XXXX**

 **One more quick note: Yes I will be reposting and FINISHING the sequel.**


	3. Chapter 3: Covert Operation

**Chapter 3: Covert Operation**

 ** _American Woman by The Guess Who_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I pulled into the secure garage and jumped from the car to immediately get into another. It was my fifth and final exchange until I would be back at Quantico. I still had only my duffle and carry on and I tossed them in the seat before lying down and covering with a blanket.

The agents in the front seat didn't say anything and I knew they wouldn't until we were safely at Quantico. I was almost excited to see the guys from my RICO team. I hadn't seen anyone in nearly two years; and simply being back on U.S. soil lifted my mood. Romania now seemed like it was years ago. I knew eventually I would be back underground and back with the black cancer that was the Draconi crime family. But for some reason, it felt different already. I would be in New York. I would be on _my_ home turf. And for the first time in two years I didn't hate the thought of what my job would entail every day. I didn't particularly like it, but…

No, I had to admit it. I was energized to get my shot at the inside, to meet Vladimir and Stefan. I knew I was the one who could bring them down. I could destroy them from the inside out and that was enough to send a shot of adrenaline through my veins.

I felt the car pull to a stop and finally I let out the first truly deep breath I was able to take in two years. I knew it would be short-lived; however, it was comforting to know I was finally in a place where I could speak freely.

Suddenly I was no longer covered by the blanket and I was being pulled from the car. I reacted instinctively and wrapped my arm around the man's waist and spun to his back. With two more quick moves I had him in a headlock and I looked down at my attacker.

"Fucking A McCarty, you can't be doing that shit, I've been undercover for two years!" I admonished him as I quickly realized my "attacker" was my best friend in the Bureau, Emmett McCarty.

I released him and he rubbed his neck as I just shook my head.

"Jesus E, try to give a guy a hand and he attacks you." Then he looked at me more closely and I already knew what he was thinking. "Fuck man they selling roids over there like candy or something?" He scratched his neck again.

"Dude, you know I wouldn't take that shit, I don't want to go shrinking my dick; it's a valuable commodity." I smirked at him, though I was lying through my teeth.

"Cocky SOB, you never fucking change." He laughed and then gave me the man hug and hit my back with his fist. "It's good to see you E. You are fucking huge though did you do _any_ work over there?" He quipped.

"A little." I said dryly and he just nodded. Emmett knew as well as I did that being undercover sucked and that I had probably seen a lot of nasty shit. Glossing over it and joking was honestly one of the few ways the agents were able to deal with it on a daily basis.

For me it was just nice to be able to joke with someone again. Someone I trusted anyhow.

"Well you're fucking fast as hell too, what else have you been training in? You had my ass in a headlock in three seconds flat?"

I shrugged. "It's not my fault you're a big slow oaf." He punched me in the arm and I actually winced. I was bigger than I had been, but Emmett was a monster at about 6'5, 250lbs of pure muscle. I knew he was nothing to mess with and he knew how to throw his weight around.

 _But I was always faster_.

"Mixed martial arts." I finally relented and ran my hand through my hair.

He nodded, knowing that was the end of it. It was like a sick twisted version of the Vegas saying, "what happens undercover stays undercover" for agents. Too bad it's not all fun and games like Vegas.

I stepped to the car to grab my duffle and we went inside for my debriefing. But I was more pumped to have a real shower, some American food and to take the dark contacts out of my eyes. At least for a little while.

I made it home in a matter of twelve hours, even with all my connections and it was early morning in Virginia due to the time change. I didn't have to be back under with the Dracs for a week and I was fucking ecstatic about that. It didn't mean I could run around willy nilly not paying attention. Obviously, I had to take multiple cars to get here. But I would have some time to do a few things I needed, I just had to be extremely careful coming and going from Quantico.

We made our way into the FBI facility. I couldn't help but think about the first time I was here…

 _I walked through the door, the anticipation and adrenaline racing through my veins. My mouth was dry, but I was beyond determined to become an agent. I was going to avenge Eric's death. I wanted to work in counterterrorism or with organized crime and take down the scum of the world that caused his death and the death of so many innocent others._

 _I walked into the waiting area and I gave the receptionist my name. I smoothed my hair down and pressed my hand down my black Armani. I had just finished law school at Columbia, graduating at the top of my class. I applied for the FBI in January, and completed a battery of physical and mental tests throughout the spring. Today was our first day as recruits. I was simply waiting to get the nod to join the other recruits in the auditorium._

" _Mr. Cullen?" I was pulled from my reverie by a tall dark-haired woman with a serious expression on her face._

" _I'm Maria Vasquez. Please follow me." She offered her hand quickly and I just nodded, assuming I was being taken to join the other recruits. We wove our way through corridors and hallways, and as I instinctively did anyhow, I made mark of where I was being taken._

 _Call it obsession, call it instinct, or call it paranoid preparation, but I was accustomed to finding an exit and knowing my exact whereabouts regardless of the building or city I was in._

 _Even before I considered becoming an Agent._

 _Twenty paces, right turn, thirty paces, left turn, ten paces right turn, abrupt left and circular of doors._

 _I looked at the name on the door and gaped in recognition. Peter Fortnight, Director International Operations Division._

 _Fuck. What was I doing_ here _?_

 _Ms. Vasquez knocked lightly and entered the door. I followed, unsure where exactly we were going._

 _I stepped in to the cold, almost hospital-like office and immediately my nerves and senses were on high-alert. I was always a bit uptight, but ever since Eric's death, I was constantly wary and on edge. Claire fucking hated it._

" _Mr. Cullen. Please have a seat." He motioned to the seat in front of his desk. Ms. Vasquez sat next to me in the other chair as Fortnight moved to the window._

" _Mr. Cullen, you appear to have some exceptionally intriguing and high scores in several areas. The highest I have ever seen in fact."_

" _Thank you sir." I wasn't exactly sure how to respond._

" _How many languages do you speak?"_

 _I had to urge myself not to delay my responses, or think too intently about the questions he was asking and merely answer. "Five sir. English, of course, Dutch, German, French and Spanish."_

 _He nodded, apparently unfazed. "And how does a twenty-five year old man like yourself come to speak five languages?"_

" _Well, sir, I had exceptional schooling in New York." I wasn't sure if he was aware of, or even wanted, the real reason._

" _I don't think even schooling can teach that, are you sure there isn't another reason for it?" The inflection in his tone was knowing and calculated._

" _I have a photographic memory." I responded while blowing out a silent breath. Quite often people didn't believe me, they either thought I was cheating or I somehow faked the abundant amount of information I stored in my brain._

 _Most of its useless really…I couldn't help but think._

" _I see. So that would explain how you are number one in your class at Columbia and still had the time and ability to place off the charts in all of the tests administered by the Bureau?"_

 _I nodded. Was this a bad thing? I couldn't see how._

" _Not to mention you have 20/8 vision and exceptional speed, acuity, hand-eye coordination and physical capacity."_

 _I felt like I should be smirking, but I couldn't decide if his words were complimentary or if he was somehow questioning my skills. Yes, I had rare vision, as well as senses. However, I had spent most of my life not using them, and even hiding their effect because I didn't want to appear different._

" _Yes sir." I simply responded._

" _Mr. Cullen, Edward. May I call you Edward?" I nodded again. He was a fucking Director, he could call me anything he wanted couldn't he?_

" _What are your intentions? Why do you want to be an Agent?" He eyed me peculiarly just then._

 _But it was so automatic I didn't even have to think about it. "I want to serve, I want to give back and I have thought of nothing for the last two years except to become an Agent." I was straightforward and unwavering because it was the truth._

" _Two years? Any particular reason?"_

 _Shit. Did I really have to say it out loud? Didn't everyone know what happened two years ago, wasn't that the reason for triple the number of applicants to the FBI?_

" _My brother. He was killed…on 9/11." I said it firmly, as lacking in emotion as possible._

" _And you want revenge?"_

" _No. I want to give back, to make him proud." I stated._

" _Bullshit. You want to avenge his death." He eyed me carefully. "And I can't say as I blame you…but my only question then is this." He leaned his hands on his desk and bent over to give me a steely stare. "How far are you willing to go?"_

 _I pondered it for a moment. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, but I was sure that this was not like the other recruits first days. I knew I had exceptional capabilities, I knew I could do things that a normal human would never dream of being able to do._

 _No. This was something else entirely. This was beyond a normal recruitment meeting._

 _I set my jaw then and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees, and I looked up at him. Staring him straight in the eye I answered with resolve. "As far as possible."_

I looked up just then to find myself at the same door. Not many came to this door, but of course I was different from everyone else.

I was an anomaly. One of few of my kind. Perfect killers, born inherently to be predators of other men. Only weapons and technology made us even more lethal. I was a modern day Jason Bourne, and I knew it. Except for the memory loss and all that.

 _Although sometimes I wished I could forget my life. Forget the grief, my name, my family, all the pain I was sure I had caused them as well._

McCarty knocked on the door just then and I realized I hadn't said anything to him during our walk inside. But he simply gave me a knowing look. He knew how difficult it was coming back from being undercover. Returning to the person you actually are, rather than pretending to be someone entirely different. Especially since the pretending tends to consume you after a while.

McCarty slapped my back and this time only I entered. Fortnight and I had become close over the years. Well, as close as you can get when you see someone once every two years. But he personally managed my special training at the FBI. I went through the normal 20 week training that all agents completed. However, it wasn't nearly as taxing for me, with my special skills and all. So I took additional marksmanship courses and advanced hand to hand training. I learned covert operations and other undercover techniques well before any others. I became a highly skilled, highly dangerous asset for the FBI. Not to mention I began to learn two more languages.

Romanian and Italian.

Why? Because I would be joining the RICO team. The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act was passed in 1970 and since then a division of the FBI was set up to specifically take down organized crime in the U.S. and its networks abroad.

I was being groomed to go undercover and help take down some of the most notorious crime families in the U.S. and frankly the world.

And my cover. An assassin for hire.

Too bad it wasn't entirely a _cover_.

"Edward. It's good to see you." Peter offered his hand.

"Peter. You're looking well." Really he never aged. He still had the same incredibly pale skin and white blond hair, which had only receded a bit more from his forehead. Fortnight was one of those people who you could never really pinpoint his age and because he was inside all the time, he hardly tanned or changed.

"I know you want to get on with debriefing and decompress before you go back under, but I need to inform you of a change in your assignment."

I quirked my eyebrow at him. Change?

"You will have a partner Edward, a cover partner. He will be your local contact. He's been working with some of the low-level New York family to get in on the drug trade side and you will now be able to bring him in on the rest, hopefully."

A partner. I had never worked with a partner. I always worked alone. Largely due to my skills and largely due to the fact that I simply liked working alone.

"Who is this agent?" I was speculative.

"His name is Seth Clearwater. He's young. Only twenty-six. But he has been an agent for three years and he is very good. Joined up immediately when he was twenty-three. Reminds me a lot of you actually…But nicer." He smirked.

I couldn't help but reciprocate. Peter liked to call me a broody, self-interested, hard ass. He was right. I was. At least for the last thirteen years I had been. I knew I didn't _used_ to be this way.

But that was my old life.

"Fine then. When do I meet him?" Wait did he say twenty-six? Fuck. He is young. I had ten years on him. Well almost. I knew my 36th birthday was in a few weeks, but fuck, I already felt 36 and considered myself as such. Hell I felt fifty some days.

"Today actually, he was down here to debrief at the same time you came in, so it worked out quite well. Go shower, change and you can meet with him at 10."

Peter understood. He had been in my position before. He had come out from being undercover and knew I wanted nothing more than to wash myself of the grime and disgust I'd been immersed in for the last two years.

I nodded and shook Peter's hand as I left and he gave me a guide sheet on Clearwater. I looked it over as I made my way to the gym in Quantico.

 _Seth Harold Clearwater_

 _Agent No.: 41389_

 _DOB: February 12, 1984, Brooklyn, NY._

I stopped short. February 12.

Fuck.

It just had to be didn't it? My new partner would share Eric's birthday. What were the chances?

I continued scanning his sheet. He was quite accomplished. He had some advanced training like me and was apparently rather good at manipulating information out of his contacts. He had already helped to bring down three major drug rings in New York City. He had a law enforcement background, but had advanced intelligence like me as well. He graduated high school at only the age of sixteen. He began classes immediately at NYU and eventually completed his stint at the police academy before joining the force when he was only twenty.

I wasn't sure what it was going to be like working with a partner, but on paper he appeared okay, even though he was young. He grew up in Brooklyn, the son of a cop and a nurse, but his father was deceased. He had one sister, Leah, and no other family to speak of.

He was expendable. Like me.

He could go under cover and never come back and hardly anyone would know. A casualty of the secret war us Agents were fighting daily.

I walked into the gym area, never more excited to be taking a shower in a locker room in my life. I stripped down out of my standard black pants, black t-shirt and boots. I took off my watch and pulled the shitty black contacts from my eyes. I shaved off the scratchy beard for the first time in two years.

I looked in the mirror at the sight before me and I could see the change of two years undercover. I was pale, well, more pale than normal. But in an ashy sort of way that showed the stress in the pigment. I ran my fingers through my almost black hair and as I lifted my arm I looked at the tattoo on my bicep and the scar running down my left side.

The tattoo was a testament to my mother's side of the family, the Irish side that so clearly shone on my face. It fucking hurt like a bitch, since a significant amount was over my vein in my underarm. But it represented so much of her in me and my will to avenge Eric. It was a symbol of the celtic bull.** It stood for strong-willed and unwavering, relentless.

 _That, I was._

Then I looked down my side at the scar from my first undercover operation. It also hurt like a bitch, but it was a combat wound, so the pain was almost electrifying. I killed the fucker who cut me and I never looked back. He was my first kill.

Finally, I stood back and stripped out of my boxer-briefs as I turned toward the shower. I glanced a quick look in the mirror at the tat across my back between my shoulder blades and the one down my right tricep. I couldn't do anything with the FBI or my real name, lest I go under and someone were to see my ink. Instead I kept it Dutch, like the ever prominent part of my heritage, and displayed my pain on my skin for my fallen brother.

On my back was my tribute to Eric. It was the Dutch Lion, born on a shield. Behind it were crossed swords. On one sword were Eric's initials and _Mijn Broer_. On the other were his birth date and death date. I stared at the tatt for a moment, my much larger muscles flexing it in the fluorescent light. Again one of my sole reminders of him.

Then I looked down my right tricep.

 _deze wereld verlaten maar niet vergeten_

Left this world, but not forgotten. These were the few symbols I could always carry with me. No matter my cover or the person I was pretending to be, these would forever be engrained on my skin.

 _Maybe I should get another one this week?_

I made my way to the shower and turned on the hot faucet. I let the searing water pour over my tense muscles as I tipped my head back in satisfaction. I just stood there letting it almost burn my skin, but welcoming the pain of my first truly hot shower in two years. The pulsing water massaging the muscles of my stiff shoulders, down my back over my tatt, and warming the muscles in my chest and my legs. The feeling was almost erotic it had been so long since my last hot, pressure-filled shower.

I stood, with my hands against the wall, not washing, just thinking as the water flowed over me. Thinking about my tatts made me think about how much I had changed in the last thirteen years. I used to be the straight-laced, calculating one of the Cullen boys. The one who wore Polo and was the epitome of the private schools I attended. The one who never would have done anything remotely out of line or against the will of my parents. The thought of killing someone would never have crossed my mind. Maybe Claire was right, maybe I wasn't the person she started dating.

Who the fuck was I kidding? Of course I wasn't and I never would be again.

But some part of me, now that I was back in the States, yearned for that person. Yearned to be maybe practicing as an attorney or working in the DA's office putting away bad guys like I always told Eliot.

 _No, now I just take them out. Eye for an eye._

Part of me wanted that apple pie America that my parents shared. The wife, the kids, the home, the neighbors. All of that shit in a nice little package.

But life wasn't a nice little package. Our brothers are taken in inexplicable acts, those who you would think would never leave you, do. And then you become a person you don't even recognize anymore, only wishing that the family you left behind can go on without you.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there until finally I scrubbed through my hair and down my body; attempting, albeit futilely, to clean myself of the filth I was covered in for the last two years.

I sighed as I shut off the water and wrapped the towel around my now red skin. Maybe, just maybe, someday I would have peace. Maybe someday I could at least partially come out of this darkness and rid myself of the incessant need that tore at my insides to avenge Eric's death.

I dressed quickly, once again in a black shirt and this time jeans. It felt weird to be without my holster, even if it was just my standard issue Glock. I slipped back on my watch that my parents gave me for my law school graduation and ran the towel through my disheveled hair.

Shit, I need a haircut too.

I made my way to the RICO unit and once again saw McCarty waiting for me. I met Emmett on my second day of training. He scared the fuck out of me at first, because he's a beast of man. But he has a giant heart and he would do absolutely anything for a fellow agent. He was from Boston, unfortunately, and we liked to rib each other about the Yankees and the Red Sox. But he came from a very similar family as my mother and I appreciated the hard work and tenacity it took for him to become an agent. He didn't have all doors and options open to him like I did.

He grew up in South Boston, the son of a bricklayer, and helped raise his four brothers after his Mom died. He worked his ass off, stayed out of the ever present gangs in South Boston, and got into Boston College on a football scholarship. He finished his degree in Psychology and eventually attended the state police academy. He joined the state police and became an exceptional interrogator. He was good at it, damn good at it. His size made him menacing and instilled fear in the hearts of his subjects. Even though he was a teddy bear to those he cared about, he could make a subject break like the snap of his fingers.

"Cullen, bout time you got cleaned up. Couldn't handle a little dirt under your fingers rich boy." He also loved to rib me about being an elite from New York.

"Nah, I just wanted to look pretty for you McCarty." He chuckled and we walked into the office of our RICO director, Agent Romelli. He was an old bird with beady eyes and gray skin. He had been around forever, since the passage of the RICO Act and the instigation of the division.

"Agents Cullen and McCarty. This is Agent Clearwater." I looked at the young man next to Romelli and was met with a blinding white smile. He had to be 6'4, and was bound with muscle. He had russet colored skin and looked to be Native-American.

 _I thought he was from Brooklyn?_

"Cullen, McCarty, good to meet you. Seth Clearwater." He was damn near as big as McCarty and his paw firmly shook mine. Fuck, I was bigger from Romania but I felt like a shrimp compared to these two.

I looked at him then and noticed he looked young, but yet older than his twenty-six years. He held himself confidently and most people wouldn't think to mess with him. But there was something else, he had that same sadness and hunger I held in my eyes.

He's from Brooklyn…son of a cop.

 _I wonder._

"Good to meet you Clearwater, Yankees or Mets?" I hid my inquisition for a later time, figuring I could at least try to make it pleasant and also get a dig in on McCarty if I had a chance.

"Neither. My Dad was from out west. Washington, I'm a Mariners fan." He shrugged and smiled and I could see his young face take on a hint sadness at the mention of his Dad.

 _Maybe a partner wouldn't be so bad. We might have a lot in common._

Emmett snickered then. "Fuck off McCarty." I playfully ribbed him.

"Cullen, already trying to get the new guy on your side. My Red Sox already kicked your Yankees asses in this year."

"It's all about the playoffs, how many Series have your boys won?"

Romelli just shook his head and Clearwater laughed at our banter.

Romelli had us sit then and we discussed our assignments with the Dracs in New York. I knew we would have a much more detailed briefing once we met with the head of the field office in NY, before we both went back under cover. But at least we got an overview of time frame and mission plans.

The Bureau was hoping to take down the family within the year. Between my contacts in Romania, Seth's work on the drugs, and another Agent, an Agent Ivanova, we had gotten the inside track on their three biggest commodities, girls, drugs, and weapons. The only remaining piece was the bio weapons connection and that was going to be up to me as well. The RICO analysts figured I had the best play now that I was actually meeting with the brothers and I would be introduced to some of the more high powered business associates of the organization.

The Dracs seemed to realize that I was educated, albeit they didn't know where from. They just knew I was smart, spoke a lot of languages, and was an assassin for hire that could disappear into the night. I simply pretended to be in it for the money.

 _Oh the irony._

I didn't need money. Obviously anything they paid me went to some secret account held by the FBI. The FBI foot my bill for my Romanian expenses and anything else I needed in travel and accommodations.

But ironically, even if I was rogue and off the reservation as an assassin, I wouldn't need the money. Hell I never needed to attend law school or become an Agent. I could have lived off my family's fortune and played party elite like a lot of the yuppies I grew up with. But I was never…satisfied, with that idea. Then once Eric was gone, it didn't matter, nothing mattered.

 _Maybe that's why I joined the deadliest of professions._

I shook my head and refocused on what Romelli was saying when he finally dismissed us after two hours of discussion. Apparently McCarty was going to be joining the mission as a potential buyer for weapons that I could introduce to the brothers. I had to admit, the thought of the mission heating up and getting to work with other agents made my adrenaline race a bit.

Finally as we were about to leave, my stomach growled. Just as I was about to suggest it, Clearwater mentioned food.

Thank fucking God.

I hadn't eaten in hours, and I couldn't wait to get my hands on some real food. We made our way to a conference room where Fortnight had ordered us pizza.

Now _these_ are the benefits of being a top FBI agent.

It was the best fucking thing I had tasted in two years.

After we broke from lunch I knew I had the rest of the day before I would be back for my day long debriefing tomorrow. I already knew what I wanted to do.

I made my way down to a secure room before I planned to just crash in one of the in-house rooms they had at Quantico. They kept a few of these for the agents like me who came back in undercover. It was no different than a hotel room, with a big king bed and a private bath.

Right now it sounded like fucking heaven to me.

But I dialed up the number I called nearly every day and I waited. It was summer time, so they should both be home, unless Ang had him out playing.

"Hello?" Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper as she answered the phone.

"Ang? It's E, is Eliot there?"

"I'm sorry E, but he's at a friend's house for the day."

Damn. Well maybe I could at least arrange to see him.

"Ang, I'm going to be back in town in a few days. Could I maybe see him?"

She paused for a moment and I could almost hear her thinking it over in her head.

"When?" She asked quietly.

"Well, what works for you?" I wanted to leave it open to her since she was the one who was secretive in this situation.

"Um. Saturday. I teach a class in the morning while he goes to practice. 12:00?" She offered.

"Great. Thanks Ang."

I sighed and replaced the phone and made my way to my room. I would get to see Eliot in few days and I knew it would be difficult. But as I drifted off to sleep I couldn't help but appreciate that I was back in the States.

*&^%$#

The next day I awoke, refreshed from a dreamless sleep for once. I stepped into the bathroom to rinse my face with water before heading to the Agent's gym. I would just shower there again before my debriefing, but first I needed to release some of the pent up anxiety that built up from my travels back.

I glanced up, caught a bit off guard by my green eyes. They had been black for so long, I almost forgot what they looked like. It was almost scary looking at my green eyes in the mirror. I was looking into the eyes of my mother and I hadn't seen her in two years.

I knew I had a week. A week to see the people I wanted. Even though I was going back under I wanted to see them. It was always with mixed emotions, the pain it brought to see my family because of the memories it brought of Eric. But at the same time a welcoming relief, knowing they were well, and moving on with their lives.

 _Even if I couldn't._

My first priority, however, was to go and see Eliot. Even if my family would never know of him, I would always keep him close. He was all I had left of Eric, regardless of the fucked up situation that he was left in.

I knew I had a long day of debriefing ahead before I would make another set of exchanges and board a train for New York to arrive early morning tomorrow. I hit the gym and found McCarty by the bench.

"You ready to show off your new muscles E."

"Let's do it. Rack 'em up Em."

Emmett and I hit the bench, squat and deadlifts hard before lifting arms. I finished out with a few miles on the treadmill and hit the shower to clean up and change. I knew I was in for a day long debriefing. I had been undercover before and debriefing was hard. You were expected to recall all of the tiny bits of information we catalogued from our time. Because I had been so deep and gone for so long, I knew it was going to be extremely taxing, even with my memory.

I grabbed some coffee and a bagel, and met with Fortnight, Romelli and two other agents to get started.

I pulled out everything in excruciating detail, from the time I got off the train in Romania to my first meeting with a low-level Drac. I moved on to each contact I made and how I eventually gained access to Corin. My first assignment, my subsequent kills, all the things I had seen from the girls, to the drugs, to the Dracs on the inside and the foreign buyers who came through the doors.

Around 6:00 P.M we wrapped. I was exhausted, but glad to be done at least for now. I knew I would have subsequent follow-ups, things that emerged once I was away from Romania for a while or triggers after being back under with the Dracs. But I felt…almost cleansed this time, handing over the information I stored in my brain for the last two years. It wasn't that I wouldn't need it anymore, but I didn't have to hold on to it like it was some secret file that was waiting for its deliverance.

Finally, I was given my assignment specifications. I read it and, as I was accustomed to, handed it back to Fortnight who just shook his head. I was to meet with Garrett Morgan, director of the New York field office on Wednesday and would go back under on Thursday. I would make contact with a low-level Drac Seth knew and once again, become Emil Mazzonn.

I shook Fortnight and McCarty's hands and as I left the FBI headquarters again in darkened SUV to make my first exchange it began to sink in that I was really going back to New York.

New York.

My home.

I knew it would actually be more difficult to remain inconspicuous in my birthplace. I ran the risk of running into old friends or family. The one thing I had going for me was that I physically looked so much different than I used to. Not only that, but once Eric died I closed off to a lot of our friends and then once I joined the FBI I hardly saw any of them. None of my operations were based out of New York before this one. I only saw my family fleetingly over the last eleven years. And I could recall with particular clarity the heartbreaking look on my mother's and sister's faces when I left for my first mission.

The only thing positive which came from leaving them, was that I knew they cared. I knew, regardless my sister and mother and father would always be there. No matter when or how I returned they would welcome me back.

Unlike Claire.

I made two more transfers, from the SUV to an inconspicuous family vehicle and finally to a truck and through a back entrance at Union Station. At last finally I boarded a train bound for Penn Station. I layed my head back and let the stress from debriefing melt away to the hum of the wheels whirring across the tracks beneath me. My mind slipped into a slumber.

" _Edward, why are you doing this you have nothing to prove."_

" _Yes, I do Claire. Why can't you understand that?"_

" _He isn't coming back."_

" _I know that. I am not fucking crazy. I don't think he's coming back!" I shouted and then sighed in a frustrated tone. I pinched the bridge of my nose. We were at an impasse. Ever since I told Claire I wanted to join the FBI she fought me on it._

 _We had been together for almost three years. We met at Georgetown at the end of our third year and being native New Yorkers hit it off immediately. She was a Whitney, another heir to a namesake of New York. Her father was a prominent businessman and her mother a housewife. She was smart and beautiful with blond hair and big blue eyes. She was every elite from New York's dream and an apparent perfect match for me._

 _We dated through our final year and then decided to move in together in an apartment on the upper west side close to school. I would attend Columbia and she was starting her job in marketing at her father's company downtown._

 _But she wanted to live the high life as one of the socialites of New York. I attended the parties and functions with her, even though it was never my thing. She was quite beautiful and could work a room like any good businesswoman. I thought, this must be it; this must be what it means to settle down and make a relationship work._

 _But only two weeks after I started law school 9/11 hit. She was more than there for me, having known other friends and acquaintances who fell in the Towers. But after Christmas her life all but returned to normal and she couldn't understand why I couldn't move on._

 _I was stuck in turmoil. I had lost my best friend, my brother, the closest person to me in the world. Claire and I began to drift apart. But I started to realize he was closer than she ever would be. What we had was circumstantial. I was a Cullen, she was a Whitney; therefore, we were meant to be together. Right?_

 _But as I looked at her on that cold February day nearly a year later, I could see in her eyes what we had was nothing to her. She was done. She wanted the wealthy mate who could give her children and a condo and a home in the Hamptons. She wanted to be a socialite and attend fashion week and sip champagne while shopping. She wanted me to move on like it was a blip on the radar to lose my brother._

 _I couldn't believe she expected me to forget him, to go on with life as though nothing happened. She told me she would always be there for me, she told me she would never give up on me. But she did._

 _I told her I wanted to be an agent and move back to D.C. and she said she wouldn't do it. Couldn't do it. For all I did for her, she couldn't do that for me._

 _It was over, we were over._

" _So that's it then?" I asked. "You don't care that it's my dream."_

" _It's not your dream Edward it's your obsession, and I just…I can't live like this." She threw her hands in the air. "You're not the same person I met three years ago."_

" _So you just give up. I didn't think that was what this was about. Be there for each other during anything, isn't that what we promised each other?" I didn't even know why I was saying it. It wasn't going to happen, we weren't going to happen. We had hardly spoken in two months, we hadn't been together in three._

" _I can't compete with one ghost and try to live with another Edward." She said. "I'm sorry. But…this is good-bye." She bent over and picked up her suitcase and made her way for the door, her heels thumping on the hardwood floor. The only sound that registered was the click of the lock as the door closed behind her._

"Arriving at Penn Station in ten minutes. Ten minutes, Penn Station, New York City." I was awoken by the sound of the conductor's voice. My dream was so vivid, like it was yesterday. Over time I came to realize that what Claire and I had wasn't love. It was superficial. She wanted the lifestyle and the name. I wanted the relationship. I didn't know if I would ever find someone that I could be close to.

 _Fucking Eric was right; I was always too loyal for my own good._

I shook off my memory and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. It dawned on me then that I was officially back in New York. I grabbed my duffle from the overhead and made my way off the train. I was still wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday and immediately decided to check into a hotel for a shower, a shave and a nap.

I made my way to the subway. I knew that later I wanted to go to Central Park and decided to stay close to the Park on the south side. Surely most of the hotels would be booked, but I figured there had to be cancellations and if I needed I could work my charm. Being undercover did have some advantages. I was able to win over almost any woman, or man really, in a matter of minutes.

I jumped on the subway, ever watching the passengers as they sat, checking the exits, my back, my sides, scanning my surroundings. It never stopped and my brain never quieted, even here in my home city I couldn't keep from cataloging the possibilities.

I stepped off the blue line and walked up to the street level. I decided to change up my appearance and swung into a touristy store off Madison and bought a new Yankees hat. I slipped the hat on my head, paired with my aviators and I was comfortably disguised.

I made my way to the Essex to try my hand at a room. Luckily they had a cancellation, it may have also had something to do with the grin I gave the hotel receptionist. But I went upstairs and settled into my room. After doing some push-ups and sit-ups to keep my muscles in check, I jumped in the shower for another long hot soak.

Finally I slipped under the covers for a few hours of serenity.

*&^%$#

When I awoke it was 11:00, and I was hungry. Damn hungry. I had an instant craving for the one and only, New York's best Gray's Papaya hot dogs.

What a better way to welcome myself back to the States than a hot dog?

I almost chuckled at myself, in the best mood I had been in years. I wasn't sure if it was the rested feeling I had or the fact that I was back in New York but I was content, almost happy.

I donned the hat and aviators again and my standard black shirt and jeans. I knew I had a chance to run into someone today. But I also knew between my dark hair, my larger frame and my hat and glasses it was unlikely they would recognize me after all these years.

I decided to walk, knowing I had a good twenty blocks ahead of me. But I was looking forward to stretching my legs, and I was used to walking frequently after living without a car in Romania. I stopped on Broadway and bought a paper, noting the strangeness of seeming connected to the world once again. I strolled up Broadway, just taking in the sites and the sounds of the bustling city. I could smell the heat and rubber, the exhaust and the indescribable smell of…people. It wasn't dirty, but it wasn't clean, it was just representative of one of the most fantastic and bustling cities in the world.

I walked up to Gray's at a quarter after noon and noticed the line around the corner. Of course, I came at the busiest time. But I wasn't in a hurry. In fact I almost wanted to take my time and enjoy the experience.

I leaned against a fire hydrant and I glanced down at my paper, reading about Congress' new energy policy and some scandal in D.C.

Suddenly a familiar twinge of blonde hair was making its way down the sidewalk.

You've got to be kidding? What are the chances? The Met is across the park, it has to be a mile from here?

Only seven or eight people down from me was my brother-in-law Jasper. I noticed he had his back to me now though and he was gesturing as though he were talking to someone.

I considered leaving. I quickly analyzed my surroundings, trying to determine if he saw me. But then I relaxed, the last time I saw Jasper I had short hair, was twenty pounds thinner and less muscular and I was dressed in a suit.

 _He's not going to recognize me. Fuck I don't recognize myself._

I looked back down at him, half way peering behind my newspaper when he moved.

 _Holy fuck._

 _Who the hell is that?_

Standing next to him was a woman. The sunlight parsed its way through the trees and cast a gleam down upon her. She was…I couldn't put a word on it. Beautiful wasn't enough…extraordinary, incredible, otherworldly.

She had dark chestnut hair, which glistened in the sunlight and contrasted perfectly with creamy pale skin. It was almost translucent in its clarity and I felt my fingers twitch with the thought of running my hand down her cheek.

 _What the fuck are you saying Cullen? You are essentially undercover._

 _Yes, but I could admire her. And admire I would._

My eyes traveled her body and I was glad I was hidden by the sunglasses and newspaper. She was trim and petite but had the curves of a woman. My hand twitched again at the thought of running it down her side, over the inset of her waist and resting it on her hip. Her legs were long and lean and she couldn't have been very tall, but she was wearing nude colored pumps that only accentuated her figure. And the dress, the dress she was wearing was perfect. It was a midnight blue which stood in perfect distinction from her creamy skin. It was short, but not too short. Fitted, but not tight. It showed off her exceptional figure yet left much to the imagination. And it allowed for those long creamy legs to flow up to her…

Suddenly she glanced over to me and then hit Jasper in the shoulder and looked down at herself.

Shit, I hope she didn't catch me staring. I quickly buried my head deeper in my newspaper when another thought occurred to me.

What the fuck is Jasper doing with this woman?

Jasper would never cheat on Alice, that much I knew. Maybe they worked together? Maybe they were friends meeting for lunch? Yes, their exchange looked comfortable, like friends, not like lovers.

Yet, for some strange reason I became insanely jealous of the fact that Jasper was even talking to her. I wanted to be talking to her, I wanted to know her. I wanted to be in reach of her creamy pale skin. I wanted….

 _Seriously Cullen. What the fuck is your problem?_

I made my way around the corner and they followed shortly behind. I could almost feel the distance between us, and I couldn't determine if it was my overactive senses kicking in, or some strange draw I had to this woman. All I wanted to do was look at her again.

**Finally, I glanced up again from the paper just as she pushed her large sunglasses on to her head.

 _Jesus Christ._

I almost gasped at the sight of her. Her hair now encircled her face in a slight, but alluring, disarray. She had her arms crossed over her chest still and she looked like she was pissed at Jasper.

But it wasn't her expression that made me gasp, although that was sexy as hell in and of itself. No, it was her large eyes, which from here I could see were a deep, dark brown. Almost coffee colored in appearance, like the chestnut and espresso colors of her silky hair. She had a small nose and perfect pink lips which I could only imagine were as soft as her skin.

I shook my head again, pulling myself from my daze. What the hell? She's only a woman, and apparently friends with Jasper which makes her completely out of the question. That would only risk your cover, your mission, everything.

But before I could stop them, my eyes traveled back to her and I was caught once again in the way the sunlight danced off her chestnut waves and the way, even though she seemed pissed, her eyes glistened with passion and a bit of admiration.

 _Yes, they are definitely good friends._

Who was she? Did I know of her? I had to know who this woman was.

I racked my brain thinking of all of Jasper and Alice's acquaintances when I realized that they were married shortly after college, around the time I joined the Bureau and I had all but closed off to everyone in my family. Of course I wouldn't know her. Jasper and Alice's wedding was small and private at my parents at the Hamptons. And she wasn't there.

I most certainly would have known if _she_ was there.

I entered Gray's and made my way to the counter, ordering my two dogs, with ketchup, mustard and kraut and a soda. I found a spot at the side, determined for some unknown reason to get just one more look at her. She and Jasper placed their orders and I couldn't help but feel a sudden magnetism or sensation when she was now only mere feet away from me. My body turned without willing it to and I felt like I was being wrenched from my own two feet towards her.

 _What is happening to me?_

I had to place a hand on the side table as I stood there mindlessly chewing the lunch I was so desperate for only minutes earlier. At once, they received their order and turned to leave. I instantly felt a longing, and as though a vacuum had sucked the atmosphere completely from the restaurant. Without thinking, I quickly finished my second sandwich and my soda and threw my things away and grabbed my newspaper.

I was going to follow them.

 _What the fuck? You can't follow them Cullen, you're undercover_.

My rational mind was warring with the inexplicable need to feel that magnetism once again. Then suddenly I felt it, and I looked up to see her hurry back in and frantically grab napkins off the counter.

My body began moving without my mind even prodding it. I was drawing closer to her. Unable to control my legs as they moved forward. My fingers were twitching when abruptly she turned and ran smack into me.

She humpfed.

I gasped.

 _Holy shit._

It was like an explosion occurred, I grabbed her arms to keep her from falling and at the same time a scorching sensation shot through my fingertips and throughout my entire body. I was on fire, like I was combusting from the inside out.

 _Seriously, what the fuck is happening to me?_

Then she lifted her head up and it was like all time stopped. I wasn't at Gray's, I wasn't in New York, I wasn't undercover, I wasn't anything…but me. Holding this woman's arm as her stunning brown eyes seared into me. All I could feel, all I could sense was warmth and coffee and vanilla and cinnamon. I couldn't decide if it was her smell, her touch or the blistering look in her eyes, but I felt as though my hand was welded to her arm. I couldn't let go if I wanted to.

Finally, she shook her head a bit and spoke.

"I'm sorry; I should really watch where I am going." She stated nervously. "I was just in a hurry because I spilled on my dress."

I couldn't stop it, I couldn't if I tried. My eyes followed down to her dress and I noticed ketchup right over her left breast. I had to suppress a moan and will my hand to stay on her arm and not travel to her perfect round…

 _Fuck. Am I staring?_

I pulled one hand from her arm and coughed and immediately looked back up and found her gazing at me as well.

The hand which was now removed was simmering like I had set it on fire and then doused it with water. I clasped it and unclasped it, my mind trying to register the sensation.

 _Did she feel this? Was it possible? Was I making this shit up in my head?_

 _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I tried to remove my other arm, but my body wouldn't let me. At last I found some coherence and responded to her.

"It's not a problem. I just wanted to make sure you didn't fall." I said, but I noticed her eyes darken and my body instantly responded. I could feel a twitching below my beltline and the warmth radiating from her was almost unbearable.

I glanced down at her again and then back up at her face. She was feeling this. She had to be.

Finally reality came crashing into my consciousness. How long had we been standing here? Who saw this? Really Cullen what the fuck _are_ you doing? Jasper could come back in at any moment.

I stepped back and released her other arm and instantly the fire that was searing me dissipated.

"Well, thank you, for saving me or whatever." She smiled impishly. I just stood there, willing my body to calm down and become one with my mind once again.

And then she bit her lip.

 _Mijn Dio._

 _Fuck now I'm mixing languages._

The fire returned with a vengeance and instantly shot to my groin.

How is this possible? I have never in my life had a reaction like this to a woman.

Then her eyes widened and she nodded. I nodded back at her, unable to speak, my mouth dry, my hands clenched at my side and fire raging through my body.

I realized my chest was heaving and I was locked in place fighting the most intense desire I had ever felt to run after her.

You can't do this. Your cover. Your mission. Focus Cullen.

I willed my breathing to return and glanced around the shop at the patrons. An encounter which seemed to last an eternity must have only been a few seconds.

I shook my head. No, I have to know. I have to…

 _Fuck it._

My hands were still twitching and before I knew what I was doing, I picked up the newspaper and exited Gray's. I walked toward the park almost unconsciously. I could see them ahead of me chatting and laughing as they finished their lunch.

I was enraptured by her gate, her laugh as it danced from her lips. The way the sun literally seemed to sparkle off of her creamy skin. I followed them all the way to the Met and finally I stopped and sat on the steps.

Maybe I could talk to her. I wanted to see Jasper anyhow; she could give him a message.

But I can't risk Jasper seeing me here.

Surely there's a way.

I made my way back to the park, contemplating, berating myself for my actions. But every time I tried to will myself to walk back to the hotel, I felt an intense dread.

But of what?

Of never seeing her again?

But she works here obviously.

Of never knowing her the way I want to know her?

The dread was so suffocating, I could only compare it to one other feeling...

I shook my head. _Not possible._

 _This is insane Cullen!_

I am a highly trained, highly dangerous, lethal assassin.

 _You can't have relationships._

 _Relationship? Where the fuck did that come from?_

I was screaming at myself in my head. It was like I had been thrust from the blackness by a meteor screeching across my dark sky, lighting it up as bright as the sun on this hot New York Day.

 _Dear God what is wrong with me?_

 _Maybe I'm losing it?_

Maybe I really have gone insane. I am just a ghost of myself.

But I couldn't deny that the single touch I felt from this one woman made me feel so very…alive?

I sat down on a bench and forced myself to think of my options, forced my brain back to its rational state. What were the risks? What were the outcomes? Had I been followed? Did anyone see me? Did anyone know me?

I looked around, calculating, checking my surroundings once again and noticed that no one was watching, no one saw me. They were all preoccupied with enjoying the day.

Fuck it. I thought and once again before I could think any further I found myself scaling the stairs to the Met. I paid my way in and wandered through the main level exhibits. My mind still racing, still weighing the pros and cons of my actions.

I 'm just a tourist?

No.

I'm an old friend?

Yes.

I was working it all out in my head as I made my way into the Greek and Roman exhibit.

 _It's not like you're going to see her. The Met is enormous._

But I could find her. I knew I could. And just as I was considering what only hours ago would have seemed like the most preposterous of options, I caught a glimpse of blue and chestnut out of the corner of my eye.

Holy shit. It's her.

I couldn't help but gaze at her as she made her way into the hall. She _must_ work here with Jasper. How fitting that she work here, amongst some of the most beautiful pieces in the world.

 _Though she surpasses them all._

I could see her walking in a ray of sunlight, peeking through the windows at the top of the hall. It shone down on her like a spotlight, as if she was only person there. My eyes followed her svelte form, that blue dress moving so effortlessly over her curves. I felt my mouth go dry again just watching her. I knew I didn't have my sunglasses on this time and I needed to be more discreet.

But I couldn't.

It was inexplicable, the draw I had to her. I wasn't technically undercover yet, but I knew I had to be careful at all times. Nevertheless, I stood there in the Greek and Roman exhibit, the light shining across the statues of Gods and the great columns, yet all I could focus on was her. As the sun shone on her chestnut waves and pure pale skin sheseemed to reflect it all directions.

Without realizing it, I was moving forward again.

Jesus Christ. This feeling. What is it?

I could still feel the tingle of her arm under my hand from earlier. My fingers twitched at the burning sensation. She was like a sun, radiating warmth and beauty, a beacon of light pulling me in and guiding me home.

 _Mijn Zon. Mijn licht._

What the fuck was I saying? My sun, my light? I can't be drawn to this woman. I'm going undercover in a week. I shook my head, this was first of all impossible, and second of all stupid.

And then it was not lost on me, the paradox of the thoughts that just ran through my head. _My sun._ The irony. My _cover_ name. Mazzonn.

A sun, guiding me out of the blackness that I had been lost in for the last two years.

Hell thirteen years.

I shook my head. No. I could not talk to her. I needed to move out of the exhibit and find a different way to give Jasper a message and quietly slip away.

Assess, initiate, execute, and release. Like any other covert operation.

 _Release._

Fuck.

Why am I thinking these things? Is it simply because I have been surrounded by the worst of the world for the last two years? Only young girls sold into slavery which made me so repulsed I couldn't think of seeking my own desires. Or that I haven't felt the touch of real woman in over a year, and even then it was pure carnal gratification.

Still, as I fought my thoughts, my body wouldn't listen. I continued moving toward her and suddenly I realized she had stopped.

She was gazing at the Apollo in quite obvious admiration.

 _Apollo. God of the Sun. How fitting._

For Christ's sake! Is there some force planting these thoughts in my head? I must just be brokeneck from coming out from my years undercover.

That must be it. I can't do this. I can't allow myself to get connected to anyone.

Then why did I have the unyielding urge to throw all caution to the wind and speak to her? I couldn't place it, it was a need, a hunger gripping at my gut from the moment I touched her at Gray's to now seeing her in the light of the great hall.

I had to say something, to be near her. I stepped close to her, just feeling her presence and her warmth. She _was_ like a sun, exuding energy and I gravitated to her. Like a lost traveler following the sun to direct them to safety.

I wanted her to be my sun, though I knew in my brain I couldn't. But I still had to say something; I couldn't slip back into the darkness without basking in her warmth for just a moment.

"It's really remarkable isn't it?" It slipped from my tongue before I could even think.

I saw her tense and I could instantly feel a heightened sensation in the magnetic field that seemingly surrounded us once again. It was like at Gray's when as the closer I got to her, the stronger it felt. I was being drawn to her by some inanimate force, pulling me along and I had to no will to resist it.

"Remarkable is the perfect word for it." She said quietly, but her eyes remained upon the statue.

 _Maar jouw schoonheid is niet van deze aarde._

 _But your beauty is otherworldly._

How I wanted to tell her that in so many words. I was so close to her now. I could almost taste the sweet coffee and vanilla of her hair and feel the warmth of the blood under her cheeks. My rational mind and my impervious body warring with emotions as I neared her.

I can't do this.

But I want to.

I deliberated for a moment.

"Hmmm." I gave my pondering aloud.

"I would venture to say there are more beautiful things in this room however." It was so quiet I couldn't tell if I only thought it or if I said it.

It was true. But I can't have her. It's impossible.

Then I gazed at her and realized I must have said it aloud because I saw her chest rise and fall with a deep breath. I could see her face flush and practically hear her heartbeat quicken.

My mouth was lost of all wetness once again.

I knew I was staring at her intently, but I couldn't pull myself away. Finally, she turned and her eyes widened in recognition, but she seemed to be contemplating something as well. Her rich brown eyes, just as bold as the chestnut and espresso of her hair, bore into mine. We stood entranced once again, simply hypnotized by one another and unable to look away. Then she tipped her head in question.

"So if it's not the Apollo…the Aphrodite perhaps?" She quirked one perfect brow at me, obviously toying with me a bit. She was sharp as well.

Intelligent and beautiful, a deadly combination.

Aphrodite. Indeed. _You are._

I smirked at her, thinking, how to tell her what I thought without saying it in those words? I lifted my hand to my head without realizing, only to be met with my Yankees hat.

Her eyes followed mine and I saw a flicker of something cross her face.

 _Desire?_

 _Dear God._

I swallowed. _Focus._

Finally, I spoke. Telling her what I wanted to say in so many words.

"An equivalent let's say." Her eyes blazed at me then and once more I felt my body moving closer, greedy for her warmth. I wanted to touch her again. I wanted to feel the warmth of her skin on mine. I wanted…

Then I stopped. As realization dawned on me regarding this place and this time, my cover and the impossible situation.

No. You can't have her.

I willed myself to step back, removing myself from the intense situation. The warmth of her body and the current between us slightly fading, reminding me that I couldn't have her, no matter the draw.

What are you here for Cullen? Focus. My training kicked in and I resumed my façade.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," I said then, "but I saw you walk away from Gray's with a man. His name wasn't Jasper Whitlock perhaps?" I asked coming back to my original intent for visiting the Met.

"Yes he works here." She said, appearing a bit taken aback. "Do you know him?"

I sighed. No _Mijn Schoonheid,_ please don't be offended. But I resumed my cover.

"We go way back." I turned to look at the statue, trying to be as vague as possible. But then I realized, she probably thought I followed her here. Or worse, she thought I only followed her here to get to Jasper. I couldn't tell her that I was inclined to follow her anywhere for reasons I couldn't possibly explain. I needed to back track and cover that mistake.

"Sorry, I just happened to come to the Met for the afternoon when I saw you. And I don't mean to trouble you, but could you give him a message for me?" I asked her and gave her a small smile.

 _Even though I did follow you because I am absolutely enraptured by you for some ungodly reason._

"I can, but he works just down the hall you can go talk to him yourself." She gestured kindly, but still observing me questioningly.

I shifted and cast a fleeting glance across the gallery. Ensuring that no one was watching and re-checking my exits out of habit. I wanted to see Jasper, but knew I couldn't, not in this public place. I needed an exit strategy.

"I really can't."

 _Though I want to. Really, I want to be with you._

I quickly looked at my watch. "I have to go actually. But can you tell him…" I waited, hoping she would give me her name.

She was looking at me strangely. Obviously unsure of who I was and the situation.

"Can I tell him what?" She asked.

I blew out a breath and motioned my hand. If I was never going to see her again at least I would get her name. I could give myself just that.

 _Mijn zon please give me that._

Recognition immediately took her angelic face and she answered.

"Bella." She said in a hushed tone.

"Bella." I repeated almost breathlessly without even thinking before I uttered the words.

Of course. Fucking perfect. Of course her name is Bella. _Beautiful._ Bella. _Enchanting_. Bella. _Schoonheid_ in the flesh.

 _Impossible_. Bella.

I lifted my head and forced myself to keep my composure. Drawing on every ounce of training I could at the moment. This was harder than an assignment, harder than staring down my next kill and pulling the trigger.

Because I knew; I knew that I would say these few words to her and never see her again. I would slip back undercover and she would move on with her life, seamlessly without remembering our interaction.

"Can you tell him that E's back in town." I said as succinctly as possible. She looked at me in confusion and I stepped forward slightly, once again drawn by her gravity.

It hit me with a force. She was so perfect and petite, I towered over her, but yet she fit right next to me. I could see the look in her eyes. She wasn't afraid, if anything she appeared to be as in awe of me as I was of her.

Which scared me all the more and made me want her all the more.

Again, I wanted to touch her; I wanted to trace my fingers down her perfect pale skin and over her sumptuous red lips. I wanted to hold her and protect her and feel her body against mine. Her eyes burned into me and I couldn't comprehend the tumult of feelings wreaking havoc on my body.

Instead, I bent down slowly, getting as close to her as possible without physically touching her, knowing that if I touched her again it would be my undoing.

"Thank you….Bella." I said in a whisper. And with all the resolve I could muster I stepped away, willing my feet in front of the other. I continued past the columns until I was out of sight.

I all but raced out of the Met, ignoring the pull that was tempting me to turn behind. I ran down Fifth Avenue and to the doors of the Essex. I didn't even bother to take the elevator. I couldn't look back, I couldn't stop. Because if I did I would go back to her and jeopardize everything.

I opened the door to my room and slammed it shut dropping to the floor. I put my head in my hands trying to pull myself together.

What the hell just happened to me? It was like an out-of-body experience. I was so taken with her and every part of my being was enticed to her. This has never happened to me, I have never lost focus, I have never felt like that about a woman. Shit about anything.

Yet I couldn't will away the images or the smells, nor did I want to, of chestnut and coffee and vanilla and the perfectness of her next to me, her arms in my hands.

I banged my head against the door and sat there in frustration before once again slipping into the darkness.

But in that final moment, before sleep over took me, only one thing crossed my mind.

 _Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Schoonheid._

 **XXXX**


	4. Chapter 4: Connections

**Chapter 4: Connections**

 ** _With or Without You by U2_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

 _I could feel the cool breeze whispering through the windows as soft hands tickled down my side._

 _I hummed at the sensation and closed my eyes tighter._

 _Suddenly soft lips and a rough, yet smooth tongue followed in a trail of fire. I shuddered at the sensation of almost an electrical current gloriously shocking me with each pass of the lips._

" _You're remarkable…" the gravelly voice murmured as his lips and tongue paid tribute to my ear and neck. My back was to him and I could feel his entire body, growing closer in the sheets. My skin was humming with the sensations, nerves dancing on end from his touch and the cool breeze skittering across the sheets._

" _What's remarkable is you." I responded._

 _The arm wrapped around my body pulling me snugly into him. I could feel his length pressed against my back and my pulse quickened in anticipation._

 _A fleeting thought passed through my brain as his hands ever so slowly tickled along my sternum and finally clutched my breast. I moaned as the heat seared from his fingers into my nipple as he lightly caressed my pert peak._

 _The thought, James, must have come over last night after I slept…?_

 _Did I let him in? He doesn't have a key._

 _But my mind couldn't focus on the passing thought because his hand was now caressing me and ever so slowly working its way down to my center as his lips continued to worship the juncture of my neck._

 _I reached my arm back and groaned as he lightly caressed my lower lips and I opened myself up to him._

 _I turned my head wanting nothing more than to feel his mouth on mine, our tongues dancing and pulsing as he pressed his fingers into me. I was dripping with anticipation._

 _He pulled me tighter and shifted his other arm around me when finally I opened my eyes only to be met with a sea of jade and a devastating smirk of plump lips swollen from his kisses._

 _Wait what?_

 _Jade?_

 _My eyes widened._

" _Bella" he whispered._

 _Apollo?_

I shot straight up in bed, my chest heaving and panting in expectation. I was sweating and sticky and couldn't focus on my surroundings.

I shook the cobwebs from my brain as I finally glanced around the room. My window was slightly open and there was a light breeze making its way in. The sheets were tangled around my legs, my pajamas in disarray. My skin was boiling and I could feel intense heat and wetness between my legs.

 _For the love of God, since when do I have erotic dreams? I'm not a fifteen year old boy._

 _And not even of the man I'm dating. What the fuck?_

It was the jade-eyed Apollo from Gray's and the Met. E. I could almost feel his hands on me and hear his voice whispering my name. I ran my hands down my arms now shivering from the contrast of my hot skin and the breeze from outside.

God, it was so real, like he was really here.

Finally my eyes settled on only the smallest glimmer of light from outside. It was still early. I glanced at my clock to find it was only 5:00 but I didn't think I could go back to sleep. I was completely awake and I could feel the tension in my belly, just begging to be released.

 _Jesus what's this man doing to me?_

Before I gave it another thought, I lay back in my bed and I wound my hand under my boyshorts and down to my folds as I thought of the image of the jade-eyed Apollo. His taught muscular arms and his hard body in that form fitting tee. His rugged jaw and the bit of scruff that I wanted to feel against my cheek, against my inner thigh, against my…

I moaned at the thought and felt the wetness pooling once again.

I couldn't believe the reaction I had from merely seeing the man in Gray's and at the Met. My body had never been so electrified in all my life, it was like I was a livewire, jolted up and just begging to be freed.

I circled myself and instantly jerked at the sensation, imagining his lips and his hands on me once again like in my dream. I slowly parted my lips thinking of his strong arms around me, imagining it was his fingers working their magic. I wanted to lick the tattoo on his bicep and tear the black t-shirt from his chest to find if there were more under his cover. I wanted run my hands over his fine pecs that I could see yesterday pressing against the fabric.

I brought my other hand down to join my right and circled myself once again. My hips thrust off the bed and I imagined him pushing me back as he would work me over and over.

A moan escaped my lips, I couldn't contain it. Then I thought of my hand in his long hair, his piercing jade eyes staring at me as his pink tongue snaked its way out and licked…

"Unghh!" I felt my body shatter around my fingers and I melted back into the sheets.

Holy shit that was fast.

I lay there quivering, simply spent from my emission.

What the hell was that? I have never responded to a _man_ that quickly let alone a dream man. Who was this guy and why was my body on fire to mere images of him from only brief encounters?

I lay there pondering, allowing my breathing to steady and the relaxation to kick in. Even as calm as I was now, I knew I couldn't go back to sleep. So I lay there, thinking about the Apollo and the strange contradictions in our encounter yesterday. I thought he wanted to talk to me, and he was so close I could almost taste him. But then he abruptly backed away and said he knew Jasper and I was so confused by the situation that I didn't know what to make of it.

The only thing I did know was that he was literally the most gorgeous man I had ever seen and if I ever saw him again, I would have to get his real name.

 _If I can even speak in his presence._

I shook my head, now down from my high and looked at the light streaming in the window. I rolled myself out of bed and tossed my hair in a ponytail. I quickly brushed my teeth and dressed in some running clothes and grabbed my ipod off the counter. Finally I downed a glass of water and made my way out the door.

I stepped outside and stretched a bit in front of my building, just taking in the breeze of the cool June morning. I glanced around my neighborhood and felt my mouth turn into a smile.

I loved my building and my neighborhood. I lived on West 93rd only a few blocks from Central park. My condo was a beautifully maintained one that I was lucky to get in my price range with the unfortunate downturn in the recession. But I had been saving for a long time, since I was a kid really, and especially since I was out of college. When I was promoted last year I finally decided to buy a condo.

It was a one bedroom with hardwood floors, and an updated kitchen and dining area. The previous owners renovated and restored the floors and replaced the counters and the tiles and painted it a light cream and khaki. It was modern and perfect and move-in; exactly what I wanted. My building even had a gym in it so in the winter months I could simply go downstairs.

But the best part was my neighborhood, I was close to Central Park, coffee shops, Columbia, the red line, it was perfect. Like I did on most mornings I could simply walk out my door and head for the Park in one direction or the Hudson in the other. Because it was Manhattan, I was never at a loss for something to look at. Most mornings I simply ran, enjoying the scenery and the city-goers.

I entered the park and hopped on the path to make my way around the reservoir. But this morning I didn't look at the other joggers on the path or the dogs running in the open spaces, my mind kept drifting back to Apollo.

I guess that's what I will have to call him until I find out his real name.

 _If I ever do._ I thought sadly.

There were just so many contradictions about him. The intense heat I felt when his hands were on my arm or the current that seemed to flow between us when he was near, yet the abruptness with which he backed away from me. There was so much warmth and yet deep sadness in his jade eyes. He was a walking contradiction. Almost elegant in his beauty but yet his body was hard and muscled and just…

Shit. I had to stop thinking these things while I was running through the park. A dog might sniff me out and try to dry hump my leg or something.

Instead I willed myself to think about my upcoming day. I had to be at the rec center in Brooklyn at 9:30 for my art class with Angela. I thought about Angela some more, she was so quiet, and she never talked about her friends or her family. I almost felt like she was keeping something in. I felt like she and I were friends, but she seemed to hold back. I would never push her. I knew as well as anyone that sometimes a person just doesn't want to talk. I was like that right after Brad died, until Jasper told me about the group Alice was going to. But once I started going I knew I had to let the emotions out, I had to talk to work through Brad's death. Once I did, I felt better.

 _Maybe she does just need someone to talk to?_

I had never seen her with anyone except her son, and then only as she picked him up from his activities at the rec center. He had striking blond hair and a big toothy grin. He really looked nothing like her, so I assumed he must look like her boyfriend.

I made my way along the backside of the Met, admiring its beauty even when I wasn't working there. I marveled at the aura that surrounded it as the sun sparkled behind it and rose higher in the sky from the East. I made my turn toward the castle still thinking about Angela and how I might get her to open up to me.

Maybe I will ask her to lunch?

Just as I was pondering the thought I saw a jogger cross in front of me on heading south on West Drive, about twenty yards away.

I almost stopped jogging.

It can't be.

I saw a mess of dark brown hair peeking out of a Yankees hat that was turned backwards. This time he had on Oakley like sunglasses and his taught body was adorned in under armour and I could see the outline of every muscle in his arms and back. He was incredibly defined and moved with the grace of a lion. He was…magnificent.

I shook my head, my breathing laboring from the few miles I had already put in and then I realized I was also holding it while I watched him. He was too far ahead of me to catch him as he was much too fast for me and was already heading south on West Drive.

I must be crazy. It couldn't have been him. It's not like you are going to run after him anyway.

 _Seriously Bella, now your hallucinating. You've only met this guy once!_

I finished out my run trying to think of anything but the jade-eyed Apollo and climbed the stairs to my condo for a little extra burn. I showered and tossed on my Yankees tee and some jeans and tied my hair in a ponytail before heading for the Subway.

I looked over my plans for the art class and prepared my materials on Michaelangelo as I sat on the train. The kids were sculpting today and I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the statue of David and the perfection of the form of man.

 _I wonder if that's what_ his _abs look like…_

Dear God. I have to stop thinking about this man.

I shook my head again and decided I needed to focus on the actual men in my life. I was headed to Charlie's in the afternoon to watch the baseball game, but I was hoping to see James tonight. I decided to send him a quick text to see if he had any plans.

 ** _J~ Any plans for tonight?~B_**

I hummed to myself as I prepared my materials and my body swayed to the subway car taking me to Brooklyn. My phone chirped and I smiled when I saw the response.

 ** _B~I have tickets for Les Mis if you want to go?~J_**

 ** _J~Les Mis! Of course I want to go! What time?~B_**

 ** _B~Late show, but we can grab a bite before. Pick you up at 7?~J_**

 ** _J~Great. See you then.~B_**

My day was getting better and better. I loved _Les Miserables_. I had seen it three times already on Broadway and I couldn't help but think of the music and the passion of the performers.

I found myself getting lost thinking about it when suddenly I noticed the train had pulled into my stop in Brooklyn. I hopped off the subway and walked the four blocks to the rec center. I looked around my old neighborhood and couldn't help but smile. To an outside observer it might look bleak. But for those of us that grew up here, we only saw the helpful store owners and the kids playing on the corner. I saw families and friends enjoying a Saturday afternoon out.

I walked into the rec center a good thirty minutes early for my class. I wasn't sure if Angela would be there yet, but I hoped to talk her into going to lunch with me.

"Bella!" Someone called out my name from down the hall and I could see Zafrina waving at me and made my way over.

"Zafrina…how are you, do you need help?" I could now see she was trying to carry in boxes of paints and offered her a hand. She taught a painting class for adults on Saturdays and was a rather accomplished artist based out of Brooklyn.

"Bell did you see the new guy that's teaching the science class for the young kids?"

"No, who is he?" I asked, helping her carry the box to the room she was assigned to.

"He's a cutie, too short for me, but I thought you might be interested." She giggled.

Zafrina was very tall, almost six feet with long black hair and beautiful olive skin. She was from Brazil and moved to the U.S. to model about ten years ago. But she had always loved to paint and opened her own small studio six months ago.

"How short is too short?" I quirked an eyebrow. "You know that doesn't matter if he knows what he's doing." I wiggled them now.

Zafrina snorted. "Oh Bella, you are too funny." She rolled her eyes. "He's probably 5'8, that's a little too short for me."

"Well Zafrina, thanks for thinking of me, but I am seeing someone right now." I helped her unload the boxes and then I thought of something.

"You know Zafrina, we should try to set him up with Ang. What's his name?"

"Ben Cheney. I guess he teaches at a private school in Manhattan."

Hmmm. I might just have to bring this up to Angela, or figure out a way to get him in our room.

I made my way to the room Angela and I used and found her setting up the supplies for the sculpting projects.

"Hey Ang. How are you this morning? How's Eliot?"

"Hi Bella. He's good. He's taking a drawing class this morning and then he has baseball so he's very excited." She laughed and pushed her glasses up on her nose.

"What time is he done with baseball?"

"Not until 11:30."

"Do you want to grab an early lunch with me after class?" I hoped she would accept.

"That would be great Bella." She smiled.

The first of our kids began walking in and I finished helping Angela get things set up for their sculpting projects. I told them about Michaelangelo and other famous sculpters and showed them pictures of great pieces of work. Once the kids cleaned up their stations and their parents picked them up or they trounced off to their next activity, Angela and I closed the room up.

We chatted as we made our way to a deli down the street since Eliot had practice until 11:30.

"Are you glad to be done with school for the year?" I asked Angela.

"It's nice. I get to spend my days with Eliot then." She said smiling. I could see how much she loved him whenever she did talk about him. We ordered our food and sat down at a table on the sidewalk.

"Do your parents ever take him? Or your boyfriend's parents so you can have a day off?" I asked as I took a bite of my sandwich.

Angela got very quiet.

"I'm sorry Ang, I didn't mean to pry." I said quietly.

"No, it's okay Bella…it's just that…I haven't exactly told you about everything." She sighed then.

"Ang, really you don't have to if…" I trailed off.

"No Bella, really, I want to." She took a deep breath and I just focused on my sandwich and listening. I just wanted to be her friend, I felt like she needed someone. In fact she never even mentioned many other friends.

"Eliot, well, he's not my boyfriend's. I never had a boyfriend." She started.

I shook my head at her confused. "What do you mean?"

"You're going to think I am so stupid and naïve and…" she trailed off.

I reached my hand over and put it on hers. "Ang. I would never think that. It's okay. I think you might need to let it out and I'm here to listen, but if you don't want to I understand too. Just know, I will never judge you or think you are stupid." I smiled at her hesitantly.

She swallowed and I saw the beginnings of tears form in her eyes. She took a deep breath then and cleared her throat before she launched in.

"I was twenty-two, and young and…naïve like I said. I had only had one boyfriend and he broke up with me the day before graduation from college. He was afraid we were too close to settling down, he wanted to experience more of the world." She rolled her eyes and continued. "I was devastated, but some girlfriends talked me into going out in Manhattan a few nights later. As you know I'm pretty shy, so they got me all dressed up and did my hair and I wore contacts. We went to this new club and I ended up getting really drunk and met this guy. He was gorgeous, I couldn't believe that he would be interested in me. Of course we started dancing and he was buying me drinks and one thing led to another…" She raised her eyebrows and looked down in shame.

"Ang it's okay everyone has flings." I tried to reassure her.

She laughed dryly. "If only that was all it was. I was stupid. He left me his card and I thought that was it. But then six weeks later…" She exhaled. "I found out I was pregnant. I knew it was his because my boyfriend and I hadn't been together for months before. I called him and told him and he was instantly angry and said I was lying. Then I went to see him and he said I only wanted him for his money and demanded I get a paternity test." She shook her head.

"I didn't even realize who he was at the time. But I refused to accept anything from him after the way he treated me. He threw me out of his office, I was humiliated, I didn't want anything to do with him or his family and he said he would never tell them."

I couldn't believe it. What an ass.

"So I decided…I didn't need him." She shrugged. "My parents were angry and all but disowned me because they thought I was throwing my life away. But I just…something in me told me I had to keep the baby. I don't regret it. I love Eliot dearly."

I rubbed her hand some more, but I was curious about something. "So did you ever talk to him again…the father?"

She blew out a breath again and nodded. "Yes. I ended up having a paternity test for medical reasons because childhood diabetes is prevalent on my side of the family and I needed to know if there was anything on his side. You know, anything that could be dangerous or complicate his health."

She rolled her eyes then. "Turned out he was from a very wealthy family in New York and he didn't even tell his parents about it. He only told his brother, and I told him I didn't want them to know. He swore his brother to secrecy."

"So they don't even know about Eliot?" She shook her head.

I was astonished, I couldn't imagine if Brad had a child, not knowing my niece or nephew. Especially now that he was gone. That made me think of something else.

"So if you didn't see him…I thought you said he died on 9/11?"

"He did. His office was in the first tower. I always just said he was my boyfriend so I wouldn't have to explain the situation. And I didn't want any handouts from his family. It's probably stupid but I've raised him by myself and I'm proud of that. The only other people who know the real story are my parents and his brother."

I nodded. She didn't want people to know, and I would respect her wishes, even if I didn't understand.

"Does _he_ ever…" I asked.

Ang smiled then. "Yeah. I feel bad for him, he misses his brother a lot, and I know he thinks of Eliot as the only thing he has left of him. But I swore him to secrecy as well, even after he died. I know he loves Eliot, he calls him every other day and tries to see him whenever he's in town. Eliot really loves him too. It's just hard. Every time I see him I'm reminded of what Eliot's missing out on. But now it's been thirteen years so how do I tell them?" She shrugged sadly.

I felt like that was the end of the conversation for the day and I didn't want to push her any more. We finished our lunches in relative silence as we walked back toward the rec center to watch Eliot and the other boys play a pickup baseball game after their practice.

I was glad how much Ang had opened up to me. I could see how strong she was, but also how lonely she was at the same time. It made me think all the more about trying to get her to meet the new science teacher.

"Crap! Bella, what time is it?" Angela asked me suddenly.

"Um. Almost noon why?" I said looking up from my watch.

"I have to go. I'm meeting his brother today, he's back in town!" She jumped up and grabbed her bag. "Eliot!" She shouted.

Then she turned to me and stopped for a moment. "Thanks Bella….for everything." She smiled warmly.

"Any time Ang."

*&^%$#

"Yeah!" I heard cheering from the front room as I stepped in the door.

"Charlie?"

"C'mon Jeter you can make that play!" I heard another shout then.

I cringed. Jake. He and Leah and the boys must be over for the game.

I walked into the other room to see my Dad and practically half of his precinct sitting around watching the Yankees game.

"Bells!" Jared jumped up and gave me a hug as Sam and Leah all looked at me. Jake and Leah's boys Embry and Quil waved and I turned to see Jake and his father Billy sitting next to my Dad. I walked over and gave my Dad a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Dad." I said softly.

"Hi Bell." He cleared his throat. "The boys and I were just watching the game."

"That's great Dad. Did you have lunch yet?"

"Uh no." He looked at me sheepishly as he glanced at his beer.

"Well I already ate, but why don't I order you some pizza."

I walked into the kitchen to grab a takeout menu out of my Dad's rather large stash and ordered pizzas for the group. Charlie never was one much for cooking and ever since Renee left he didn't make the effort.

I stood there looking around my childhood home. He hadn't changed a thing. The cupboards were still the same eighties green and the linoleum of the floor was worn through in strategic areas. I sighed, thinking about my Mom, Renee. I had long ago gotten over her leaving us, but I was still angry with her for hurting Charlie. He never moved on from her.

After Renee left Charlie took to caring for Brad and I by himself. I knew it was hard for him. Cops from Brooklyn don't make a lot of money. But he was a good father. He was always closer to Brad but I never felt neglected. I think because Brad was a boy it just made it easier to connect with him. I don't think he quite knew what to do with me. But he always made time for me, whether it was our father daughter days at the Met or taking us to a Yankees game with Jake in tow.

But after Brad died he was never fully worked through it. Charlie was always quiet, humble and a man of few words. He threw himself into his work and unfortunately due to the loss of so many lives, he was promoted to Captain of his precinct. It was just sad that his promotion had to come about due to such a tragic event. After Brad and Harry were killed he wasn't the same. He drew within himself and worked non-stop, never taking time for another woman or dating, not that he dated after Renee anyway.

"Bells?" I was pulled from my thoughts and turned around to see Jacob in the doorway. He was as big as always, with his dark brown hair, almost black eyes and russet skin. There was no denying Jacob was a beautiful man, but he was Jake. I grew up with him. He was my brother's best friend and to think of him in any other way just seemed…weird.

"Hi Jake, how have you been." He moved to give me a hug but I stepped toward the fridge. "You want a beer?" I reached in to grab one and offered him one. He sighed.

"Thanks." He said as we both cracked ours open in silence and took a sip.

"So, how's the Manhattan life? Life in the fast lane and all that." He said a little snidely.

I rolled my eyes at him. Jake could never understand why I wanted to live and work in Manhattan. The way he saw it, I was the daughter of a cop. I should have married a cop, preferably him, and stayed in Brooklyn and had babies with him.

"Jake." I raised an eyebrow at him. I sighed. "It's good. I'm still working at the Met which I love and I have my own place now."

"Good for you Bells." He sipped his beer and we stayed silent for a few more minutes.

"You're being careful though right?" He asked then.

"Jake." This time I said it a little annoyed.

"I just worry about you Bells." He stepped closer.

"I can take care of myself thank you." I took a drink of my beer and glared at him a bit. "Shouldn't you see if Leah wants a beer?" I quirked my eyebrow at him.

"She's not drinking."

"Not drinking?"

"Yeah Bells, we're uh…I mean she's pregnant again. We were going to tell you later."

"Congratulations, that's great Jake, I'm really happy for you." I gave him a smile. I was happy for him. Three kids. Wow. I could only hope focusing on his family would help him keep his focus away from me.

"Yeah. Thanks." He gave me a half smile. Suddenly the doorbell rang and I welcomed the escape as I jumped to go get it.

Jake and I had an…interesting history. He was only a year younger than Brad and the three of us were inseparable when we were kids even though I was a bit younger than them.

But as I got to be a teenager I learned he was always infatuated with me. I only saw him as my brother's friend. Yet since the time I was fourteen Jake wanted to be more than friends. He never made it known that he liked me, but when I started dating Alec he became possessive and overprotective, especially since it was shortly after Brad died.

Eventually I made it very clear to him that I was not interested and being my twenty year old bitchy self, I told him he needed to get a life. He finally backed off, but I felt bad that I had lost my good friend.

Fortunately, Leah had always been in love with him and I found relief when they got together. I knew it was stupid and petty of me, but Jake just made me uncomfortable now. We were no longer the childhood friends we had once been. Of course Leah didn't like me because she always thought of me as a threat. Even though I would never love Jake that way.

Like all of my Dad's friends Jake's father Billy was a cop. He was shot in the line of duty in 1995 and was since in a wheelchair. Even so, all of the boys from our street wanted to become cops and they did. Brad, Jacob, Jared, Sam, they all grew up to be cops. Which meant all of my brothers friends now worked with Charlie and were friends with Charlie. So I had to still hang out with Jacob occasionally.

The only one that didn't was Seth. Seth was Leah's little brother. His father Harry was my father's good friend and Brad's partner, a classic young cop, old cop combination. They happened to be on duty and close to the first tower when it was hit and went to the scene.

I sighed. I thought about all the people that were lost that day. How devastated Seth was to lose Harry. Seth was great and was exceptionally smart. But after Harry died, it lit a fire under him and he worked even harder. He graduated school early and was a cop by the time he was twenty. Then he joined the FBI when he was only twenty-three. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years but I was sure he was doing well. Sometimes I wondered if his reasons for joining the FBI weren't similar to Alice's brother's.

 _I wonder if he knows Alice's brother._

I paid the delivery man for the pizza and saddled up in front of the TV with everyone to watch the game and drink some beers. It was funny how I was just as comfortable having beers with the cops, watching a ballgame as I was drinking top shelf martinis at the newest bar in Manhattan. It was something Brad always teased me about, the fact that I had such polar opposite interests sometimes. But unlike Jacob, Brad encouraged me to follow my dreams and pursue my career. He didn't want me to end up like Renee. It was the one thing, probably the only thing, that he and my mother agreed about.

 _I wish they could have made amends before he died._

Brad was always much more angry with our mother than me. Since he was nine when she left, he understood more. He never got over what she did to my father and he never went to her and Phil's house. I stayed relatively close with her because I was younger when they divorced, but I still didn't fully understand her reasons for leaving until I was older. It didn't make it right or better, but at least Renee and I were able to have some form of a relationship and move on. But not Brad, he refused to even go for the scheduled custody visits once he was fifteen, and Charlie and Renee didn't force him. He and Charlie were extremely close and it made it all the harder for Charlie when he died.

I looked around the room at the numerous people that were affected by his death. He would have been thirty-seven this upcoming Friday. I couldn't believe it had been almost thirteen years that he was gone. They never found his body, just some of his effects to identify him. We had a memorial service along with the Clearwaters and a few of the other families from their precinct. He didn't have a grave, or an urn, there was nothing left to mourn over. That was the hardest part for me, never getting the chance to really say good-bye and have _something_ that was left of him. Maybe that's why Charlie left his room untouched even after all this time. It was the only way to go and visit him.

I shook my head at my thoughts. I knew I had to move on and stay positive about the other things in my life. And I was; I truly felt blessed by my friends, the family I had left and my job. But sometimes, I felt like I was missing something, whether it was Brad or something else I wasn't sure of. Even so, I knew I was lucky compared to many others.

After the game I said good-bye to Charlie and the rest of the gang. I walked to the subway and hopped on the red line to head back to Manhattan. My somber thoughts from earlier were replaced with my excitement for the night ahead. It was quite funny, how I felt completely at home in Brooklyn and equally so in Manhattan.

I stepped off the subway around 5:00 and walked to my condo trying to decide what I was going to wear for my night. I wanted something sexy, something that would make James excited. I thought about my shimmery gray strapless dress and black stilettos Alice snagged me from a shoot last week. I told her I didn't need them because I didn't have anything to wear them to, but she insisted saying that something might come up. Now I could make use of them.

 _I should never bet against Alice._

I quickly showered and shaved and did all my girly necessities before putting on my dress and makeup. I applied some smokey eye shadow and some mascara. I usually wore very little makeup, just enough to cover any dark circles, but tonight I put on a bit more. I finished it off with some berry colored lip gloss to make my lips look a bit more luscious. Finally I curled my hair in large curls and let it flow over my shoulders before adding some silver chandelier earrings and a black clutch to my outfit.

I grabbed a shawl just in case it was cold in the theater and as I wrapped it around my shoulders I heard the buzzer from the security desk downstairs. I buzzed James up and turned off everything in the condo while waiting for him to come up.

A short knock followed at the door and my heels clicked as I walked to get it. I opened it up to see a handsome-looking James on the other side, his hair perfectly gelled and his suit freshly pressed.

"Hi." I smiled and he looked up from his phone and his eyes widened.

"Hey. You look great tonight." he said as he shoved his phone in his pocket and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"Thanks." I blushed and bit my lip a bit. I knew I wasn't ugly, but I never considered myself more than average. It was always nice to hear, but at the same time hard to believe, I was just simple Bella from Brooklyn with brown hair and brown eyes. James was quite attractive in his black suit and striped shirt, which was open without a tie.

We made our way downstairs to catch a cab and head to a new tapas place close to Broadway. The show wasn't until later and we were going to have some drinks and a bite to eat beforehand.

We chatted about our weeks and even though I felt comfortable with James, I found it odd that I never felt that giddying excitement around him that I did when I first started dating some of my other boyfriends.

We entered the tapas bar and slid into a dark quiet table in the corner. James slid in beside me and ordered us two martinis before turning to me. He snaked his hand up my thigh and I shivered a bit at his touch.

Oh yes, good times tonight indeed.

"You look so sexy in that Bella, I'm not going to let you out of my sight tonight." He kissed my neck below my ear and I smirked at him again. I may not be giddy around him but he did know how to press my buttons in other ways.

"You look pretty dashing yourself Mr. Raven." I smiled at him sexily and gave him a light kiss on the lips. His eyes darkened a bit and just then the waiter came over with our drinks.

"Ma'am , your Ketel One martini." He smiled at me and I thanked him as he handed me my glass.

"Sir, you're Belvediere." He handed James his and James all but growled at him.

"What was that about?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"He didn't have to eyefuck you with me sitting right here." He said angrily.

"James he just handed me my drink." I shook my head confusingly.

"Whatever Bella, you come out dressed like that you should expect men are going to look at you." He sneered and I was a bit stunned.

"James. It was nothing, let's move on okay. Tell me more about your week." I knew James was a bit moody and possessive and had found the best way to divert him often times was to change the subject.

"I have to fly to Europe at the end of the month and until then I am going to be very busy trying to put a business deal together."

I nodded, I knew his job was very demanding; he was on the cusp of making partner at his firm and was working his butt off to get it.

"So you probably won't be around much this week? I was hoping you could meet us for happy hour since you couldn't come last night." I offered. Last night Jasper and I discussed doing happy hour another night this week so that he could meet James and maybe get to know him better.

"Maybe. I'll let you know, things are pretty day to day right now." He said as he seemed to contemplate something, but his hand squeezed my thigh in reassurance.

We finished our martinis and ate a few tapas before heading down the street to the theater district. We settled in to our seats in the third row, which was not surprising since James always seemed to have connections of some sort for show tickets, or tickets to games.

I looked around the half-lit theater watching the patrons file in. Suddenly, I saw a mass of hair making its way down the aisle. The hair was shorter than it had been the day before and now a different shade, lighter, brown with bronze and gold highlights that danced off the colored lights in the theater.

That's strange. He colored his hair?

Even though it was different, I knew it was him. His hair lay in a sexy disarray on the top of his head that made me want to run my hands through it all the more. I could feel my pulse quicken and felt my mouth water just at the sight of him.

 _What the hell? You're on a date Bella!_

But I couldn't help but let my eyes follow his suited form as he so stealthily walked down the aisle. He was God-like, in a very sharp dark gray suit with a black shirt and no tie. I could only imagine how those piercing green eyes stood out against the pallor of his skin. He made his way down the aisle and to the seat just in front of us and to my right. I was pretty sure he didn't see me, which was good; because I was positive I would have flushed an immediate shade of scarlet.

I bit my lip and looked away, hoping James, nor anyone else, didn't see me ogling him. But he was busy texting someone on his phone and the other patrons around us were chatting, off in their own little worlds.

Just then the music started up and the lights turned down. I set my eyes on the stage to take in my favorite musical. But I couldn't help but sneak glances at the jade-eyed Apollo sitting only mere feet in front of me. He seemed enthralled by the music, as though he hadn't seen it in years or never at all. But as I leaned forward pretending to reach something out of my clutch, I could see his fingers moving, ever so lightly across his thighs and in perfect time with the music.

Is he playing?

It appeared as though he knew every note and he was playing along silently as he tapped on his well-muscled legs. His long fingers danced in perfect rhythm with the music and I could only imagine what his fingers could do elsewhere.

 _Dear God, I've lost it. I don't even know this man._

But I was entranced with the sight of him, so serene, so god-like and absolutely lost in the music. He really was Apollo, God of music and poetry as well.

I sat back abruptly and James gave me a strange look and I shrugged. I wrapped my shawl around me tighter pretending to be cold and he put his arm around me. But I wasn't cold, in fact, I was on fire and I could feel the same crazy current of electricity flowing from the man in front of me. I tried desperately to keep my eyes on the stage; only stealing glances to my right ever so quickly. Usually I loved _Les Mis_ and hummed along to every song, but instead I watched as he took in the show, obviously knowing every song as well with impeccable clarity.

Suddenly, he looked back and our eyes locked and they were burning with the utmost intensity and then almost a look of anger and…longing?

I instantly flushed red and my skin felt like it burst into flames. I wanted to reach out and touch him, yet I knew that was impossible. Not only was he untouchable and extraordinarily beautiful, too beautiful for me, I was here on a date.

I felt James tense and I broke my gaze with the Apollo to look at him and he was glaring at the man. I tried to turn into him, but the feeling made my stomach ache knowing I was turning away from the Apollo. I felt James tighten his hold on me and the Apollo looked back at the stage. But the pulsing current between myself and the stranger remained. My senses were in overdrive as I sat there tensely, not even able to focus on my favorite show.

Finally, intermission came and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I almost felt like I needed to jump in a vat of ice water. My nerves were thrumming and my pulse was racing. My skin felt hot to the touch and I looked in the mirror in the bathroom to find that my eyes were dilated.

Jesus Christ who was this man? The Apollo. First I dream an erotic dream about him now I am having an obvious bodily reaction to him. I have never done this with anyone in my life. It was like my body was connected to his; every time he was near me a magnetic force propelled us together. He was way too beautiful for me, yet I could see it in his eyes as well. He felt it, whatever _it_ was.

I shook my head at the absurdity of the thought. I didn't know this man. I had spoken a total of ten sentences to him, yet I am having these reactions. This is crazy.

I finally willed my body to calm down and made my way back to my seat. I looked up as James moved for me to sit and pulled me in to him, almost too tightly. I looked to the seat just in front of me and to the right to see that the Apollo had left as well.

"Good. I hope he doesn't come back."

I looked at James quizzically. "Who?"

"That man that was ogling you. Seriously Bella you don't see yourself clearly, he was eyeing you like he wanted to eat you."

I shrugged. I didn't feel like getting into this with him for the second time that night. So instead I tried to focus on the remainder of the show, albeit disappointed that my jade-eyed Apollo had not returned. I felt the oddest sense of yearning at his absence and had to remind myself of where I was and who I was with.

The show ended and was spectacular as always. James and I caught a cab back to my place and invited him up for a night cap.

But once we were in the door he all but attacked me with his mouth and his hands. I groaned into his kiss and his touch. It had been a few weeks since we were together, and with the events of the last two days my body was wound up and begging for a release.

We stripped of our clothes as we made our way to the bedroom, barely making it to the bed before he was sheathed inside of me. We came together quickly grunting and panting each other's names.

But as we lie there, coming down from our high I felt a flux of emotions. James was a fine catch, he was great on paper, yet there was something missing.

"Bella?" He rolled over and lit a cigarette, a habit he did after sex. I didn't particularly like it but I wouldn't say anything considering we just slept together.

"Yeah?" I rolled over and propped up on my elbow to look at him as he exhaled away from me.

"I want to see you."

"You are seeing me aren't you." I smiled at him playfully, but I was almost worried about what he was asking.

He put out his cigarette and leaned over to run his hand through my hair.

"I mean, I want to see you exclusively Bella. I don't want to see anyone else."

"Oh. Ok." I said a bit surprised.

What was wrong with me, I should be fine with this right? James was a good match. We had been dating for a few months. This was surely the next step wasn't it?

"Do you want that?" He asked me then and gave me a curious look.

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly and lay my head on his chest. "Of course…that sounds good to me." I said with as much conviction as possible. But for some reason my heart felt like it was constricting in my chest.

I was thirty-two, this is what I should be doing right? Looking for a good person to settle down with.

"Good, because I realized tonight I can't stand the thought of another man looking at you. I want you only for me." He squeezed me into him and I should have been a bit taken aback by his possessiveness.

But I shoved it aside. Here this man was essentially telling me that he wanted me. He was probably just being overprotective and if he really liked me, a bit jealous. I needed to at least acknowledge his feelings for me.

So I kissed his chest and looked up. "Well that's good I guess." I said, smiling lightly and trying to confirm his thoughts in some way.

He gave me a kiss. "Good." Then he glanced at the clock. "We should go to sleep, I have to work tomorrow."

I simply nodded as he rolled over to sleep on his stomach and I moved the other way to my side, instantly noticing the loss of warmth and clinical-like way the whole interaction took place.

I could hear James breathing steady and knew he was asleep. But I lay there thinking well into the night. Whatever we had could grow right? That's how relationships worked, people grow and change together. I shouldn't let myself think about things that can't happen. I needed to focus on what was in front of me. I didn't know the Apollo. I didn't know anything about him other than he had the most green eyes I had ever seen and he made my body react in a way that had every hair standing on end and made my heartbeat race.

Then why couldn't I shake the feeling of regret and shame and almost…sadness that overtook me. Here I was in bed with a man who was telling me he wanted me and at the same time lusting over some stranger who I had hardly spoken to. At the same time, I was saddened by the fact that I might never see him again, and even if I did I was now officially with someone and I couldn't act on it.

This time I drifted off to a fitful sleep, again thinking of a sexy mop of hair, jade-colored eyes and fingers that danced elegantly to the tunes of _Les Mis_. I was unable to shake the connection, the tingling that I seemed to have in his presence. I couldn't help but wonder, one question, over and over in my head.

 _Who are you Apollo?_

 **XXXX**


	5. Chapter 5: Torn

**Chapter 5: Torn**

 ** _Lightning Crashes by Live_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I woke up in a daze and with a severely stiff neck. My head was pounding and my back was killing me. I realized I had been sleeping and was sitting in an awkward position. I shifted to notice I was against the door, slumped over.

 _No wonder I am fucking sore as hell._

It was then I looked around and I noticed that it was night time. I quickly tried to shake the fuzz from my head. Jesus, what the hell happened to me? I felt I like I was hit by a Mack truck and set on fire at the same time. Suddenly and the events of the past day came flooding back to me.

 _Holy shit._

It was all so strange, like I had an anxiety attack from my interactions with the woman… _Bella_.

Jesus. Even thinking her name still made my pulse race and set heat throughout my body. I had never, in all my life, had a reaction like that. I couldn't wrap my mind around it, the draw I had to her and the way her body felt next to mine.

Why did I have to follow her? Why couldn't I let her go? Why did I have the most intense fear and sense of dread at not seeing her again? It was insane and irrational and I risked so much today yet I couldn't explain it.

 _It can't happen. You have to leave her be. You have to let it go._

Regardless of the light she seemed to shine or the way my body reacted, I knew it was impossible. My rational brain began to clear and take over finally. Now that I had distance and time separation from her I could see things more clearly. It would be dangerous for me, dangerous for her, and hell she knows Jasper, so dangerous for my family as well. I couldn't put them in that kind of risk. I wouldn't. I would go see them, let them know I was ok and complete my mission.

But I could not pursue her. The last two years would be for naught if I did.

 _Think of Eric. Your promise, your mission, your job._

Over and over again I repeated this in my head as my mantra until I finally found a sense of resolve.

I slowly rose from my crumpled position on the floor feeling my joints and my bones aching. I scrubbed my hands down my face as I tried to stretch and loosen out my body. I walked over to the lamp and flipped it on and looked at the clock on the nightstand. 10:00 P.M.

 _Well of course, I am still on Romanian time, it's morning to me right now._

I decided the best way to get back on American time would be to try to stay up until the next night, force the tiredness to catch up to me. I would try to stay up for the next 24 hours then to get readjusted. But I knew I needed to do something tonight to occupy my time. Something other than thinking about Bella and the intense reaction I had to her.

I instantly had an idea, I wasn't planning to do it, but I needed not only a distraction, but one that would ground me and remind me of my mission and purpose.

 _I was going to see Carlisle and Esme._

It was night time, so that would make my traveling much easier. Still, I didn't want to risk anything. I brushed my teeth and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked at my face in the mirror, seeing the tiredness and scruff from the last 48 hours.

I quickly changed into a dark gray tee, black pants and boots and a black hat. I would be carrying going out at night, but that also meant I needed to be careful.

I took the stairs down to the main floor and exited the hotel through the alley. I hailed a cab a few blocks away and took it south, toward Greenwich. I had the cabbie drop me at a busy corner and immediately jumped in another to head back to the East side. I knew it seemed excessive, but I didn't want to risk someone watching me come and go from the hotel, especially this week when I would be seeing the most important people in my life. I needed to keep a buffer between the real me and Emil Mazzonn.

The second cabbie dropped me at the East entrance to the park. I instantly lost myself in the shadows and watched to see if anyone was following or looked remotely suspicious. No one did of course, so I quietly slipped through the shadows and made my way to the townhome on Park Avenue. Luckily my parents had a main and second level of the cooperative and there was a back entrance. I could only hope they still had the same locks and I would be able to let myself in. I hoped they were home; I couldn't call ahead for obvious reasons.

I sidestepped down 72nd and then went four more blocks out of my way before making it back to Park. I slipped into the back and pulled out the key. Usually I kept it in the secret stash which held my multiple passports, ammo and other weaponry, but I had pulled it out on my return to New York for this very purpose.

I opened the door, the key working as I knew it would and I stood there for just a moment before crossing the threshold into the kitchen. It was quiet. The house was silent, but not eerie, just still, calm. I stepped in and realized I had been holding my breath and inhaled deeply.

I smelled vanilla and jasmine and a bit of a sweet floral smell.

Home.

I switched on the light and took in the kitchen. Memories instantly flooded into my brain of sitting in the breakfast nook, eating cereal before school, working on homework or making cookies with my mother and brother and sister. I pushed it out of my brain and continued to the dining area, flipping the lights on as I went. I could tell my parents weren't home. But I wanted to alert them that someone was here, yet not an intruder, before they came in the door.

My mother had redecorated again. She did it shortly after Eric died, even redecorating his room, all of our rooms in fact. She was meticulous about keeping albums over the years and kept many pictures on display. She said it helped her work through everything to redo the house, to help her move on.

I wished I could do the same.

But it appeared she had done it again since I left. The house was now lighter and had an airy feeling to it, much more open and modern. My mother had impeccable taste, but I remembered our home always feeling inviting. It still had that feeling, just new and more current with the times.

I wandered to the living room and gazed across the hardwood floor.

The piano.

I hadn't played in…so many years I couldn't recall. It was after Eric died, but only shortly. I thought it would give me comfort but it only made me miss him more. It made me wish that instead we were playing guitar together and sipping beers to Led Zeppelin. Music was a very personal thing for our family and especially to me.

But for some reason tonight I had this strange intense urge to play. I tried to push it away, but it beckoned me, almost as much as Bella did earlier today.

 _God, there she is again. Out of your mind Cullen. I chastised myself._

Without blinking, I was suddenly sitting in front of the sleek baby grand. I ran my fingers over the top, the polished wood glistening in the soft glow of my parent's home. My home, for all intents and purposes, as I really didn't have another.

I sat down and flipped open to the keys, the cool ivory was silky under my fingertips.

 _I wonder if that's what her skin feels like._

I shook my head again, pushing her away.

But before I realized what's happening, my fingers stroked the keys and pressed out the tune that I hadn't heard, let alone played, in years. It was the same tune I tried to take solace in after Eric's death, Beethoven's Pathetique. My fingers ever so carefully pushed out the notes and I lost myself in the music. I was no longer undercover or an agent, I wasn't thinking about Romania. I was able to just feel the keys at my fingertips and the pump of the rhythm through my body.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift away, to a place that only moments ago I didn't want to think about. I thought of cereal before breakfast and running down the beach at the Hamptons. I saw the look of sheer joy on Eric's face when I told him I was coming to Georgetown and all the times we spent playing pick-up games of basketball or taking in a Yankees game.

Suddenly, like the tune itself, I started to feel lighter. It was pulling me out of my darkness. The feel of the keys were barely noticeable to my touch anymore and as I played out the last of the notes in the quiet of the house, one more image flashed in my mind's eye.

Her face. Her glorious chestnut hair waving in the breeze and her warm passionate eyes staring at me with all the intention and the want I felt in mine. The light radiated off her like my own personal sun, drawing me to her.

 _Mijn zon, mijn licht._

What did it mean? Why? I couldn't understand it. I couldn't explain the connection, the longing.

Suddenly I heard a gasp and I was pulled from the depths of my thinking.

I turned around to see a pair matching green eyes filled with tears, her hands on her cheeks, her lips trembling. The room was still and quiet, only a tiny hum from the piano as the last of Beethoven whispered off into the night.

I stood up and pushed the bench away and strode over to her not knowing what to say and just pulled her into my arms and hugged her to me. Then I said the only thing I could after two long years.

"Hi Mom."

*&^%$#

We sat at the dining room table sipping our Ketel One on the rocks and waiting for my father to come home. The Dutch vodka was smooth as satin as it always had been, a favorite of my father's, and by association my family's. It was just past midnight, and my mother had been out to a late dinner with some of her friends. My father was away on business but would be arriving any time from Philadelphia.

I thought of a similar such trip, one that saved him of the same doom as my brother. Otherwise as we all knew he would have been in the first tower too. His office at Reycon was on the 92nd floor, Eric's was on the 91st. My father happened to be slated for business in Philadelphia that week instead, for the instigation of manufacturing a new line of anti-depressant medication. His job saved him as much as Eric's sealed his fate.

I strummed my fingers up the glass, feeling the condensation trickle between my pads. There were no words to describe this strange homecoming. I glanced at her, taking her in after two years. She still looked like the impeccable woman she always had. She aged gracefully, looking more like Grace Kelly or Rita Hayworth than a woman approaching sixty. Her caramel hair had no gray, I am sure by color, but her skin still glowed and her smile was warm with only small laugh lines.

But she looked tired, and a bit worried. Unfortunately, I knew that was probably because of me.

I sat there pondering, unsure how to approach everything. What do you say to the one woman in your life that has constantly stood by you through thick and through thin and never gave up on you? How do you say that you are sorry that you haven't called or visited in two years? How could you say you can't tell her why you have been gone all this time?

The feeling burned me and the tingle of the smooth vodka as it slid down my throat was nothing compared to the sensation of being reunited with my mother after all this time. I knew I sat across the dining room table from a woman who lost as son as much as I lost a brother. I often failed to remind myself of that particular fact.

"Your hair is so long…and…dark." She said swallowing. I knew that probably hurt her as well. I was always her son. Eric was Carlisle's, but I was my mother's son. I looked just like her and had her determination and strong-will. She loved music and art and I did as well. She was the one who took me to the Met or to a Broadway show when I was little, just the two of us. She was the one who loved to listen to me play the piano. I am sure she was not only surprised to see me tonight, but to be playing had to shock her as well.

"It is…occupational necessity." I smiled. I reached over and grabbed her hand and sighed.

"You look good Mom."

She closed her eyes and squeezed my hand back. "Oh Edward…" She opened her eyes again and they were brimming with tears. "Why didn't you call?"

I opened my mouth to speak but my voice caught. I swallowed and looked down. "I couldn't Mom, because of my job."

"So you can't tell me where you've been then either." She sighed.

"No."

"Can you tell me why you're back?" She asked hesitantly.

I shook my head. "No." I paused. "But I am, at least until Wednesday, and I wanted to see you, to let you know I am okay."

She closed her eyes and shook her head and there was a long silence between us.

"You're not okay Edward." She whispered. I looked at her then and I could see in her eyes the truth in those words. She could see right through me, she always could. She could see the darkness I faced and the tumult of emotions spinning through my body as I sat there at our family dining table.

"Talk to me Edward…please." She implored me.

"I really can't Mom. It's not that I don't want to…" I trailed off and she dropped her head.

"But you are safe?" She asked, trying to get some resolve from my being back.

"Yes." I wasn't lying, but I wasn't exactly telling the truth either. I needed to appease, her, let her know why I was being so vague. "I'm just…I'm going back under next week."

She sighed again and took a sip of her vodka. Just then the door opened and I heard shuffling in the foyer.

"Esme?" My father called out.

"In here darling." She glanced toward the foyer and back at me.

"What are you doing in the dining room, I thought…" My father stopped and his eyes locked with mine as he swallowed. "Edward." His voice hoarse.

"Hi Dad." He set down his briefcase slowly and walked toward me in almost trepidation.

I let go of my mother's hand and stood up to shake his, but he pulled me into a brief hug and stepped back.

"How are you?" I looked into his sapphire eyes, the same Dutch eyes as my brother's and just smiled as lightly as I could.

"I'm good." He nodded and took it, but I could tell he knew otherwise.

He grabbed a drink and joined us at the table, the tension relieving a bit now that I was reunited with both my parents. We stepped around everything, talking about my parents' work and the house in the Hamptons and my cousins Heidi and Sarah. One was getting married in the fall and the other had the first grandchild of our generation on the way.

Finally, my father asked what I was sure he had been thinking.

"Have you seen Alice yet?"

I swallowed the last of my vodka and looked up. "No…I uh, was hoping to go see her this week."

"You should." He said and left it at that. "Another drink." I nodded.

We chatted until the wee hours of the morning. I knew my parents had to be exhausted from their work weeks, and I couldn't tell them that I was on Romanian time and felt like it was morning. I knew they simply didn't want to let me go, after two years. I determined I would have to find a way to at least get my mother a message every so often. With Eliot it was different, because no one knew he existed, except me, and no one knew to tie him to my family. But for all the pain I caused them and all the distance, I still loved my parents and my sister and I didn't want to put them in any danger.

So when I hugged my mother good-bye just before dawn broke, I could see the tears in her eyes once again and I promised her that I would find a way to get word to her. I also promised them that I would go see Alice.

I slipped out the back once again and used a myriad of evasions before I finally returned to the Essex around 5:30. I was wide awake and the sun was up by that point. I decided to go for a run in Central Park. I knew my parents wouldn't be there after being up all night and it was quite early on a Saturday, the chances of seeing someone were slim.

I ate a quick protein bar and then slipped on my Yankees hat and an Under Armour and shorts and this time grabbed my Oakleys to mix up my look. I went out the back of the hotel and changed directions for a few blocks before making my way back to the Park. I didn't really need to be so careful at this point, the only reason I did was to prevent if I saw someone later. Until I was staying at my new apartment, Emil Mazzonn's apartment, I didn't want to risk the suspicion of being at a hotel.

I hit the path to go North on East Drive and wound my way past the zoo, past the Met, all the way up to the furthest north point of the park before turning back. The exertion was welcomed. I felt the tension leaving my legs and the stiffness loosening in my muscles. The burn in my throat both hurt and relieved me. I used the force of my legs to push away the thoughts of Bella, of my parents, of my sister and Eric and simply feel the ground underneath my feet.

As I made my way back down West Drive toward the south end of the park I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. A jogger, was coming down 79th and I had to resist all urge to stop.

It was her.

Fuck.

I sped up my stride, pumping my legs and arms to the point where my muscles were screaming at me because I was already five miles in.

No.

You cannot see her.

Maybe it's not her. It can't be her. You're imagining things.

But for the briefest of seconds, I glanced out of the corner of my sunglasses at the chestnut ponytail glimmering in the sunlight and her long legs striding out in front of her. I could feel her eyes on me and I knew it was her. I knew it simply by her proximity; the fucking tingling charge that I felt whenever I saw her was just as strong thirty yards away as it was in the museum.

But I set my jaw and continued on. I all but sprinted down West Drive, willing myself away from her and again raced back to the hotel. Even though I ran over six miles, I felt a new ball of anxiety in my stomach and hit the gym in the hotel to lift some weights.

I pumped and pressed the dumbbells and the barbells until my arms were screaming at me. Finally, I looked in the mirror and I could see my eyes were wide, sweat was pouring down my face and I felt the same as I did when I saw her only fourteen hours earlier. No matter how I willed it, no matter what I told myself, one thing was for certain.

I just couldn't get her out of my head. And on some deep level, a terrifying and yet thrilling realization was occurring to me.

I didn't want to.

*&^%$#

After I cleaned up, I donned a white shirt and jeans and decided it was time to change up my appearance. It was a double-edge sword, I wanted to look more American when I was in New York and I could explain that to the Dracs. But looking more like my old self also opened me up to seeing people who might recognize me. Yet again, the people I was consorting with weren't going to be running in the same circles as my parents' elite friends. Hell they would probably be mostly out at night. To throw another wrench into the matter, I was finally coming out from my cover and was glad to be getting back to myself, looks included.

I couldn't pinpoint it, whether it was seeing my mother, or knowing I was going to see Eliot today, but I wanted to be my old self again. It was the first time in a long time I felt that way. I pushed the thought out of my mind that I also might want to be that way should I see _her_ again. For some unknown reason, I wanted her to see the real me.

I shook my head and made my way out the door. It was a beautiful June morning, early still for New York and I didn't have to be to Brooklyn until 12. I decided to change up my hair and then swing into Armani on Fifth Avenue for some new suits and other clothes. I had no need for much more than my standard tees and jeans and a few dressier outfits in Romania. But I knew that here I would have to project a bit different image.

I wanted to appear more the world class assassin I was pretending to be once I met with the brothers. Hence my new apartment would be a large loft in a new development in Hell's Kitchen. It was a combination bit of old and new grit in the infamous neighborhood, where the aspiring actors and artists lived along-side the old crime bosses and shady clubs with the back room entrances. I didn't learn much more than that in my meeting with Romelli, I knew I would get much more specific information about my new pad and the connections Clearwater and Ivanova had already developed when I met with Garrett Morgan on Wednesday.

But until then I needed to "James Bond" myself a bit to fit more the New York interpretation of a well-paid assassin than the one I appeared in Romania. Ironically the best way to do that was to dress like a businessman or broker on Wall Street.

 _It's all about the cover, blend in, fit, disappear…_

I walked to a barber's on Broadway and waited in the chair on the early morning. I eventually had a seat to have my hair stripped of its dark color and trimmed.

When I sat up I was staring at the face of my past, my face, a face that I left behind two years ago. One adorned with the odd colored bronze hair I received from my mother's Irish side of the family. Crazy cowlicks made a mess on my head and the bronze contrasted with the green of my eyes. Long gone were the black eyes and longer dark hair of Romania.

 _But looking like myself again was…comforting?_

I leaned back to enjoy a close shave and by 10:00 I was out the door and on my way back to Fifth Avenue.

I strode into Armani, hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew. I knew the chances were slim at best, but still, I was on the lookout. I made my way up to the clerk and her eyes widened when she took me in. I was used to this sort of treatment, but at this point only used it to get my way faster.

"Sir, can I help you?" She purred.

"Yes. I need to buy two suits, one black, one gray and five shirts. Also bring me back your newest jeans, one dark, one light and some more…casual attire to go with it." I commanded.

Her eyes widened, obviously taken aback by my lengthy but detailed demand.

"Um. Yes sir of course, will this be on credit or cash?"

"Cash. Straight up."

She nodded and took off like a shot for the men's wear. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit to myself. I wasn't trying to be an asshole, I just didn't want to wait around and I wanted to make it clear I would be paying…today.

Yes, Emil Mazzon, was officially in New York. I could only hope some of the illegal funds I got for my assignments were footing the bill for my new attire and not the taxpayers hard earned money.

 _Again the irony, considering I could afford all this myself._

I made my way back to the dressing area to see she had laid out three excellent black suits, three gray and multiple shirts and sweaters and jeans.

I quickly decided on my collections, was measured, and had them sent to the Essex under the generic name Jones. They would send over the suits later in the day after they had been tailored to my preferences. My paying cash made it all the more easy for me to have them tailored in eight hours time in the first place. I added a few things that I wouldn't have otherwise, a black leather jacket being one and some hats, for my disguise of course.

I donned my aviators and slipped on one of my new hats and at 11:30 I hailed a cab on Fifth and set out for Brooklyn.

I was excited to see Eliot, but it was always with mixed emotions. My family didn't know about him, Angela and Eric insisted on that fact and I was sure that if my mother knew she had a thirteen year old grandchild she would be beside herself. Especially since he looked exactly like her deceased son.

But for all the times I argued with both of them about it, I still couldn't find it in my heart or as my place to defy them. Instead, I would try to fulfill whatever role I could in Eliot's life.

As the cab made its way toward Brooklyn I thought about the day I found out about Eliot…

 _I was at my brother's loft downtown, waiting for him to get home so we could hit up a club. It was summer break and I only had a couple of weeks left before I would head back to Georgetown for my final year. Claire and her friends were going to meet us out later and I was just waiting on my slow ass brother to get home already._

 _I was sipping a beer and flipping through Eric's CD's when I heard the door slam and heavy feet across the wood floor._

" _Fuck!" I heard the expletive and I instantly made my way to the kitchen to see what was going on._

 _My twenty-three year old brother was standing at the corian counter, arms spread out and bent over with his head down. He was taking deep breaths and he looked pissed or frustrated I couldn't quite tell which._

" _Eric. What's up man? Tough day at work?" I sipped my beer and eyed him warily. Eric could be a bit of a loose cannon and I could see he was upset about something._

" _I wish." He muttered as he stood up and pulled off his tie. He reached into the fridge and grabbed a beer, twisting off the cap and throwing it in the sink. He downed the beer wiping his mouth on his suit jacket and leaned back against the sink with his eyes closed._

" _Seriously man, what's got you so riled up?" I tried to act nonchalant, just sipping my beer and coaxing it out of him._

 _He grabbed another beer this time twisting off the top and rolling it in his fingers as he let out a deep sigh. I waited._

" _I got a chick pregnant E." He wouldn't look at me, he just kept staring at the ground and I knew this was serious shit._

" _Who?" I asked._

" _Fuck. Some girl I went home with back in June." He shook his head and laughed sardonically._

" _Dude, why didn't you wrap that shit up?" I questioned him._

" _I was fucking drunk E. We're not all perfect like you." He glared at me._

 _I rolled my eyes. Back to this bullshit again. "So how did you find out?" I asked trying to focus on the subject at hand._

 _He scrubbed his hand down his face and let out another sigh. "She called me today. I hadn't spoken to her since the night we were together. I left her my card, thinking maybe she'd want to hook up again or something." He shrugged and took another sip of his beer._

" _What did she say?"_

 _He looked at me again and pursed his lips. "She said it was mine and that she knew it was mine because she hadn't been with anyone for months before or anyone since."_

 _I blew out a breath and took a sip of my beer, letting the heavy news sink in._

 _Eric a father? I really couldn't picture it. Mijn Broer was my best friend, but he was also like my alter ego. He could be an asshole and inconsiderate, but was always the life of the party. For all the craziness he had, I was tame and more calculating. He was the one that banged random chicks every weekend; I was the one who had a steady girlfriend. To say I could see this coming was both harsh and true and I had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of him acting like our father… or any father for that matter._

 _I finished my beer and grabbed another. "Well what are you going to do?"_

 _He huffed. "I don't know if it's even mine, I mean she might not be telling the truth, who knows how many guys she's slept with." He said dryly, but I could tell he really didn't believe his own words._

" _Well does she seem like that kind of a girl?" I raised my eyebrows at him._

 _He ran his hands through his hair then and winced. "No. And I fucking threw her out of my office today too."_

" _What? I thought you said she called you?" I was confused._

" _She did, and then I didn't believe her so she came to my office to tell me she didn't care if I helped her but she wanted me to know it was mine and then basically told me to fuck off."_

 _Christ. I rolled my eyes at him again and then pinched the bridge of my nose._

" _You're such a fucking prick sometimes Eric." I admonished him. Poor girl, she was probably freaking out and here he was throwing her out of his office. Mijn Broer could definitely be a huge asshole at times._

 _He sighed again and finished his second beer and got quiet. "I'm not ready to be a father E."_

 _I wanted to tell him he should have thought of that before he got drunk and slept with her. But I bit my tongue, I didn't need to piss him off more and I already called him a prick. I think he at least knew it by now._

" _So what are you going to do?" I asked him again._

 _He looked up at me then, his blue eyes steely and dark. "You can't tell anyone E. I'll send her money or whatever, but I don't want anyone to know."_

" _Eric…" I started to argue but he stopped me._

" _No E. This is my fuck up, I'm going to handle it. I know she's planning to keep it but I'm not telling Mom and Dad and neither can you." His glare pierced me and I swallowed._

" _I'm serious E. You can't tell anyone. Promise me." He continued._

" _You have my word."_

I thought about the months that followed, when Eliot was born Eric didn't even go to the hospital. Angela just sent him some pictures which I confiscated from his apartment after he died. If I was one thing, I was a man of my word. I didn't agree with Eric and Angela's secret, but I wouldn't betray him, especially after his death.

Angela didn't know it, but I had a trust fund set up so that Eliot could go to college. I sent him gifts frequently and money for every holiday I could think of. At least she would accept it from me, even though I knew she didn't want anything from Eric or my family.

I knew from the first moment I saw her and Eliot that he was Eric's child. Angela was the epitome of a girl next door, one night in Manhattan gone awry and I knew that going home with my playboy brother was probably not something she did on a regular basis. She was kind and shy, an art teacher in Brooklyn and she didn't have a lying bone in her body.

Not to mention Eliot was a spitting image of Eric. He had his piercing blue eyes, the same eyes as Carlisle's and the wavy blonde hair that messed around his face. He had Angela's smile but Eric's dimples and the same high voice that still haunted me in my dreams every night. Eliot was definitely Eric's son.

I was pulled from my thoughts as the car came to a stop. The cabby pulled up in the lower-middle class neighborhood in Brooklyn and once again I hopped out and made a zigzag of turns before I ran up the stairs in the quaint old apartment building at ten minutes after noon.

I knocked on the door, instantly nervous for what I would find on the other side. I hadn't seen Eliot in two years and I remembered a similar trip to this door when I saw him for the first time. I had come here two weeks after Eric's death to let Angela know. Somehow she had already suspected and at that time I ensured her that I wanted to be part of Eliot's life but I wouldn't tell anyone else in my family. I think she could see how much I needed the connection to him and on some level she probably wanted him to have some connection to his father as well.

I heard the locks clanking and the door creaked open. I saw Angela peer out at me from the other side.

"E?" She whispered.

"Hi Angela. Can I come in?"

She opened the door and I stepped inside instantly feeling the warmth of the small apartment. She didn't have any air conditioning, but it wasn't warm because of the heat, it was warm because it was inviting. The walls were covered in art work, what appeared to be a mixture of hers and Eliot's. Some of it was sensational and I instantly wondered if she ever considered trying to sell her work.

But before I could ask her a mop of blonde hair raced down the hall and all but tackled me.

"E!" Eliot yelled excitedly and I scooped him up and hugged him as he squirmed and giggled out of my embrace.

"What's up squirt? How was baseball this morning?"

Angela left the room for the kitchen to let me have some time with Eliot.

"It was so much fun E! We had practice and then we played a game, just us boys afterward. I got to pitch again and then I played short stop. But Tommy McNulty said I couldn't catch. I really want to try catching sometime." He said so fast I almost didn't get it all.

"I'm sure you'll get a chance Eliot." I chuckled. "Have you had lunch yet?"

Angela walked back in then and shook her head.

"Should we got to Rita's and get some milkshakes, burgers and fries?"

"Yeah!" Eliot jumped up excitedly and ran to grab his shoes.

"Here let me give you some money E." Angela reached for her purse.

"No Ang, this is on me. Please, I haven't seen him in two years and I'd really like to take him out." I implored her.

She nodded and I called after Eliot and we left to go down to the diner. I put on my hat and my sunglasses and Eliot followed me down the stairs. I asked him about baseball and the Yankees and his friends at school. He was a smart kid and creative too. He had Eric's overactive imagination and outgoing personality but he was also very artistic like Angela. We walked and talked the couple of blocks and I reveled in the innocence that was his life.

He was eleven, with his whole life before him. I couldn't help but envy that fact and wish that I could turn back time and relive some of my memories, change the course of my life in some way. I wish I could erase some of the things I had seen in Romania and Spain and other undercover missions. I wanted him to be able to live out his dreams and never have to think about the awful things that I saw on a daily basis.

We stepped into Rita's and ordered our shakes, burgers and fries and I couldn't help but look at him and see Eric. He looked just like him, just like the dreams that haunted me every night.

We were chatting about the Yankees and the different player's stats, he knew them all.

"Your Dad would be proud, he used to know all the players stats too." It slipped out before I even thought about it and my eyes went wide when I realized what I had just said. Talking about Eric was taboo. I was uncle E. That was it.

Eliot got quiet and put his head down and fingered the paper cover that came with his straw.

"Uncle E?" His voice was so small, almost fearful.

"Yeah squirt?" I chewed on a fry not even tasting the salt or the fried goodness, my mouth going dry with what could be going through his brain.

"You're my Dad's brother right?" He asked, still looking down and fidgeting in his seat.

I swallowed the fry and took a sip of my shake and pondered how to respond. Angela didn't want me to talk about Eric, but at the same time Eliot was getting to the age where he would obviously be curious. I decided I should at least see what he wanted to know.

"Yeah, why?"

"How come you never talk about him?" He asked raising his eyes up to me. He looked almost like a puppy dog, scared of what he might find out.

"I…uh..well." I cleared my throat. "I miss him…and…it's hard to talk about him." I sputtered out.

"So you'll never tell me about him…I want to know about him." He said so quietly my heart almost broke.

I sat and pondered it for a moment.

The hell with it. The kid deserved to know.

I resolved then and there that I could avoid any issues with Eric's relationship, or lack thereof, with Angela. But he should know about his Dad, he was half of him and he deserved to know at least things that he so clearly carried from him.

"Well. What do you want to know?" I asked with a bit of trepidation.

"Was he nice?" Eliot said hopefully.

"Yeah, he was nice." I smiled.

"What did he look like?"

"He looked just like you squirt. He had blonde hair and blue eyes and dimples."

Then before I knew it I was telling him all sorts of things about him.

"He played the guitar and he loved the band Led Zeppelin and he used to love to skip rocks at the beach. We used to play baseball and basketball and tennis together. But he loved baseball, especially the Yankees like you. He and I used to go to games all the time."

"Really!" His eyes lit up. "Would you take me sometime, I've never been to a Yankees game!"

 _Oh shit._

But what could I say. How could I turn him down? My nephew, the only piece of Mijn Broer I had left.

"Yeah squirt. I will."

We finished our lunch and Eliot bombarded me with questions then, Eric's favorite color, favorite player, favorite food. You name it he asked me. I figured as long as I didn't bring up our last name or the situation with his Mom he should know. And for once I almost felt good after talking about him so much.

When we got back Eliot and I played on the x-box and went outside to throw the baseball around. Finally at 5:00 I had to bid him good-bye.

"When are you coming back E?" He gave me his big puppy dog eyes again.

"I don't know Squirt. I have to go back to Miami, but I will try real soon."

"Will you take me to a game?"

"Yeah Eliot, I'll take you to a game." I smiled down at him and gave him a big hug.

I walked out of the apartment feeling lighter and yet sad at the same time. But I also felt…better, more at peace. Maybe it was talking about Eric, maybe it was just spending time with Eliot, but I felt like for the first time I could talk about him and think about him without it tearing me to pieces.

*&^%$#

I strolled into the Essex at a quarter past six and picked up my purchases from Armani. My newly fitted suits had also been sent over and I decided for the first time in a long time to don one of my new suits and hit up a nice restaurant and maybe a jazz club later.

I pulled on a new black, freshly pressed shirt, my new gray suit and my new black dress shoes. I ran some gel through my crazy hair and felt more like myself for the first time since I joined the Bureau. I went down to the street and meandered my way back to Broadway. I slipped into a nice little Italian place not far from the theater district.

I sat down for my first real dining experience since I got back in the states and indulged in a great red wine, pasta with prosciutto and a thick creamy sauce and just let my mind stop working while I enjoyed my food.

I glanced across the restaurant to see the couples, likely out for their pre-show dinner and couldn't help but long for that kind of companionship again. I had shoved so much away in my pursuit of my dream as an agent that I left that all behind. Claire was right, I was obsessed. Even if I wasn't in love with her, I missed coming home to her every night. Going out for dinner or taking in a show. I missed that warm body bed next to me and just chatting about how my day went.

I had no one now. I was completely alone. For the first time, sitting in the Italian restaurant in the city I grew up in, wearing my shiny new suit, I realized how much it hurt.

I swallowed the last of my wine and paid cash for my dinner as I nodded at my waiter and left. I strode down a side street off Broadway when I looked up and saw the sign for _Les Miserables_. I loved the music for _Les Mis_ , I had probably seen the show six times, but I could never get enough of it. I stared up at the sign for a while thinking about the tunes and humming it to myself.

"Hey Buddy."

I turned. Was someone talking to me?

"Hey Buddy, do you want these tickets?"

I looked to my right to see a man approaching me. He was dressed impeccably and his hair was slicked back, he appeared to be about fifty years old.

"Were you talking to me?" I questioned. Of course in the back of my mind I was instantly cataloging everything about this man. His stature, his build, his height, his hair color, eye color, skin color, everything about him I could remember.

"Yeah. Say, the girl stood me up and I don't really want to go by myself. You want these?"

Was he serious? Tickets to _Les Mis_ were impossible to get especially last minute.

"Uh, sure yeah…I shook my head. How much for them?"

"Nah, don't worry about it. Just take 'em at least somebody'll get some use out of em." He had one of those thick New York accents that could cut through a fog.

Free tickets are you kidding me.

"No, I insist really. You shouldn't be out the tickets and the girl in the same night." I offered.

He smiled. "All right then. How about a hundred and we'll call it a day. At least I'll go have a few drinks then yeah?"

I nodded and pulled out a hundred and slipped it to him. "Thanks man." I shook his hand and he nodded and took off towards Broadway.

I stood there watching him and then checked my surroundings once again. Of course I could only use one of them, but I was thrilled to have tickets. I looked down and noticed they were for the second row.

 _Holy shit these are worth way more than a hundred._

Must be my lucky day.

I noticed the time on the tickets and it was only a minute before the show. I hurried inside knowing it was unlikely they would start exactly on time, but if I was sitting up front I didn't want to be late.

I stepped into the theater welcoming the familiar sights and sounds of a Broadway show. I was almost giddy as a child as I made my way to my seat. It was in the second row, how I procured them was still a flurry of activity to me, but I could feel the hum of the theater and the anticipation of the other patrons around me.

**I strode down the aisle and took my seat just before they closed the doors. I sat down to take in the stage and let my eyes gaze around. The thrill of scoring the tickets must have been apparent because I could feel a buzzing across my skin. I hadn't been to a show in years, and I was entirely ready to lose myself in it for a while. Especially _Les Mis_.

Of all the shows, of all the parallels with my life, _Les Mis_ represented so many. Like the Bishop who saves Valjean, Eric was the person I wanted to prove myself to. I wanted to be more than a mere socialite in New York. I had an undying need to make a difference and prove my worth.

Just then the lights went down and the music began and I felt the ball of anticipation in my stomach. Before I knew it my fingers were tapping along on my leg to the score. I knew all the songs, I had played it several times growing up. I lost myself in the sounds, the ups and the downs of the orchestra, perfectly coinciding with the story.

The strange humming I felt and the tingling of my skin never left me though and I suddenly had the oddest sensation as the play neared the intermission.

I glanced back from the stage, taking in the awe on the faces of the other patrons. Then I glanced over my shoulder to the left only to find _her_.

 _Bella_.

She was sitting behind me mere feet away.

 _This is not fucking possible. Three times in two days? This is New York, what are the chances I would keep seeing her?_

I quickly looked back, my heart now racing. The thumping of my fingers on my leg changing from the music to its own rapid beat.

Before I could stop myself I looked back to her again. She was sitting there in a dark gray dress, which even as she was in her seat, it hugged her curves perfectly. Her hair was in sexy waves around her shoulders, her lean arms crossed neatly over her petite figure. Her long legs were exposed down to black stilettos and her creamy skin apparent in the lights from the stage.

I glanced back to the stage again.

 _Had she seen me?_

I couldn't stop, and I peered again, up her legs to her dress to…

I stopped. My heart dropping out of my chest in a moment and at the same time my body engulfing in a rage.

 _Mine!_

What. The. Fuck?

She was with a man. A man who was obviously more than a friend. And I hated it; I started to see red as he reached his arm around her. He was holding her close, appearing to be warming her from the coolness of the theater. I looked back to the front before she saw me, fighting the rawness of the feelings on my nerve endings and the overwhelming desire to jump up and take her away from him.

I didn't know her, I didn't know him. Why was I feeling this way about a woman I hardly spoke to?

I glanced again only to be overcome with the tirade of emotions as she instantly turned and locked eyes with me. Her beautiful face surrounded by her chestnut hair, her lips pouty and luscious in the stage light. Her eyes, were dark and yearning, an expression I could only assume I was returning, and they were searing into mine. Along with that I was sure I was radiating anger and hurt in the fact that she was here with another man, a man she obviously was close to and _I_ could not have her.

 _Jesus Christ what is it with this woman!_

But I could never have her. And the tumult of feelings overcame me so much that when he looked at me and glared I had to look away.

I wanted to kill him. The cold-hearted, calculating killer I had become bubbled to the surface and for a fleeting second I wanted to use my unnatural skills and stake my claim on her.

I had to get out of there. I had to leave immediately. I couldn't be having thoughts like this.

 _You're a fucking FBI agent for Christ's sakes Cullen!_

The show came to intermission and I abruptly shot out of my seat, knowing I had to leave the theater. I couldn't want her, I couldn't watch her, and I definitely couldn't watch the rest of the show knowing that she was only mere feet away from me.

But what was that in her eyes. Want? Need? Desire? The same that was in mine. I was sure of it but why? How could I want someone so much that I didn't even know?

My rational brain was long forgotten as it apparently was with this woman. This Bella.

 _Mijn schoonheid._

 _Fuck, quit thinking that!_

I hurried back to the hotel feeling something I hadn't felt in a year, hell, I had never felt it that strongly in my lifetime. But I had an intense desire for her, a physical desperation. I was fighting against the hardness that was now straining at my seams and I quickly unlocked my room and flipped on the lights and began pacing.

What were the chances? It was fucking one in a million, hell billion, that I would see her tonight.

And then at _Les Mis_ , in the middle of the one play that was like my calling card and so paralleled to my dedication to my mission and Mijn Broer. What the fuck did it all mean?

Once again my body was on fire, like I was burnt by the most intense sunlight. I ran my hands through my hair and stripped of my clothes. I felt like I was being incinerated from the inside out.

I decided to jump in the shower. I turned the water on cold and cringed at the sudden blast. But my mind wouldn't leave from her. I was hard as a rock, all flow of blood to my groin and as uncontrollable as a teenager.

Without thinking, I placed my hand on the wall and reached down and began stroking. I was unable to push the images out of my head and on some level I realized I didn't want to. I wanted to give in to my thoughts of her. I wanted to feel her and taste her and I let myself do just that as I moved my hand up and down my hard length.

I wanted her to be mine. On the most intimate and basic level and I couldn't explain it if I tried.

I squeezed my eyes shut and lost myself instead to my imagination. I could almost feel her lips on me and taste the sweet vanilla and coffee of her hair. I circled my tip and groaned as I leaned against the wall. I could picture her with her hair splayed below me on a pillow, soft sheets spread around us like a canopy, hiding us from the world in our own little universe.

I would lean down to kiss her moist pouty lips and then press my tongue into her mouth to taste what I imagined to be sweet chocolate and raspberry. I would run my lips down her perfect skin, my hands across her breasts, tasting her, touching her, taking my time to learn every inch of her. She wouldn't be a quick fuck; she wouldn't be just carnal gratification. I would want to know every inch of her, make her moan and writhe beneath me.

 _But why?_

I could feel myself stiffen as I continued stroking, squeezing my eyes shut tighter, lost in my daydream. I could see her dark hooded eyes as she would gaze at me with the same want and the need reflected in mine. I could almost feel her round sumptuous breasts; they would fit perfectly in my hands. Her nipples would pucker from my touch as I slowly tweaked them. I wanted to glide my hands down her body and her curves, every inch of her silky skin at my fingertips.

I groaned, working, rubbing, up and down, my chest heaving on the precipice of my release. The water was spilling over my shoulders and down my back. I saw large droplets forming from the coolness of the water against the intense heat of my skin. I wanted her hands on me, I wanted her mouth on me. I imagined it then, her licking droplets from my chest, her tongue snaking down my body and then wrapping her perfect lips around my cock and sucking.

I groaned, my body tensing spiraling for toward its plummet. Her mouth popping off of me and returning a trail sucking up the droplets all the way back up my body before she whispered into my ear and wrapped her long creamy legs around me. I imagined her biting her lip as she threw her head back in pleasure as I pressed into her and her warm heat engulfed me…

"Fuck!" I cried out as I exploded in long streams into the shower. I gasped for air and my legs trembled almost failing beneath me. I barely felt the cold water pouring over my skin and bringing me down from the most intense orgasm I ever had.

I slumped against the wall, resting my forehead on my arm, trying to regain some semblance of the controlled person that I usually was.

But apparently, with only the thought of this woman, I lost all control. I didn't know why. I couldn't figure it out, how my whole body, my entire being longed for her.

Maybe it was the lack of a woman in my life. It wasn't like I hadn't rubbed one out over the last year, I was a man, I had needs. But I had never come as hard as I did just then even when I was with a woman. And here I was, only imagining her in my bed, in my arms and I was consumed by the most powerful desire I had ever felt.

Finally calming myself I stepped out of the shower and ran my hands through my hair and dried my now limp body with a towel.

I pulled on some boxers and climbed into bed, welcoming the soft cotton after over twenty-four hours awake. I lay there, torn between the reality of my situation and the utmost desire I had for her. For Bella.

Should I just give in? How bad could it be? No one would have to know…like Eliot. But she knows Jasper and maybe Alice. God Damnit.

At last my body succumbed to its much needed slumber, though I was still reeling somewhere between intense desires and my obligations. I felt like a boulder balancing on a toothpick and simply waiting for the slightest shift to send me tumbling.

The only question was which direction I would fall.

*&^%$#

I woke up Sunday sweating, not from the intense heat in my room this time, but from the erotic dream I had about her. Her in her dress, her hair over me looking up at me under her lashes.

Fuck!

Once again I showered and had to relieve myself before I again made it to the park for a run. I was pumping my legs and my arms as fast as I could. My heart, mind and body were still torn, warring with each other about this woman.

But I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I couldn't explain the intense need to be near her. Even as I passed the Met I was drawn to it because I knew she worked there.

How was this possible? This was New York for crying out loud. Somewhere deep in my soul, something was telling me this was different. This wasn't a random sighting.

So do I go talk to her, or leave it. How do I find her? Go to the Met? I wasn't sure.

The only thing I was sure of was that I was going back under on Thursday. I was meeting with Garrett Morgan on Wednesday and getting my new place sometime in the middle of the night then.

That gave me two days. Two days to decide what to do. Two days to find out who she was.

It also gave me two days to see Alice and somehow I had a feeling the next two days, though I wasn't going to be undercover or even working on a mission, were going to be two of the most important days of my life.

 **XXXX**


	6. Chapter 6: In the Light

**Chapter 6: In the Light**

 ** _In the Light by Led Zeppelin_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

Monday morning dawned bright and beautiful. It was now mid-June in New York and the city was alive with visitors, people returning home and native New Yorkers just out and about enjoying the summer. But I was largely unable to notice because of the events of the past few days.

I walked to work through the park thinking about my weekend. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster in some respects. Between meeting the Apollo on Friday and seeing him again on Saturday, and then James's declaration I was experiencing a tumult of emotions. I kept going over the interactions with the Apollo over and over in my head. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't explain the heat that coursed through my body.

The problem was I was now "officially" with James. We were exclusive. He wasn't dating anyone else and I wasn't either, even though I hadn't been since our first few dates. He expressed his wish to be with me, and I agreed to see him exclusively on Saturday night. But when I woke up on Sunday, I was still uneasy.

Maybe I didn't want to see him exclusively?

Why didn't I say no?

Who the hell was Apollo and why was I having toe-curling, heart-stopping feelings for a man I hardly talked to?

Ugh. I was frustrated by the fact that my brain kept going back to him.

I was exhausted from all the thinking. By Sunday night, I was finally able to focus on some work and realized that I needed to start preparing press and event releases for the upcoming fundraiser. Every year the Met had a huge fundraising event just after the Fourth of July. This year it was set for July 8, but since June was quickly passing us by, I knew I needed to get things in order before it arrived. We had multiple event writings, press releases, updates on exhibits, updates on new programs and such to write. I knew the interns would help with a lot of it, but I would have to sign off on their work which meant additional time in the office and at home.

Not only that, as staff we were expected to attend the event and help entertain many of the wealthy donors. I remembered the first year I attended I was so nervous. Thankfully I was able to hang out with Jasper and Alice and meet Carlisle and Esme. It was so much fun I actually looked forward to it now, even if I had to do a lot of work beforehand.

But like any major New York event I knew I needed to look the part and would have to buy a new evening gown and this year a mask. The theme for the event was a masquerade ball because we were opening a new exhibition with masks from all over the world.

 _Which is why I needed to employ Alice for help._

Being a Design Editor at one of _the_ major fashion magazines, Alice always knew what was "in" and what was perfect for the event. Not only that, she had access to designers, accessories, shoes, you name it. Luckily talking to her about dresses and other essentials took my mind off of James and Apollo for the rest of the night and I was actually able to get some work done.

I strode into the office at quarter after eight, refreshed from my morning run and walk through the park. I smoothed out my shirt dress and slipped off my sandals that I used to walk and replaced them with my new gray platform peep toe pumps. I had to giggle a bit every time I did this. I was so clumsy when I was younger that once I got an internship at the Met I had to learn how to walk in heels. Kate would make me walk with a book on my head down our short hallway in our tiny apartment like some old manner school hag.

I must say it worked; now I could at least put two feet in front of the other and walk like a respectable woman.

 _Unless I ran into a wall of muscle bearing a sexy tattoo and jade eyes._

Goddamnit! There he was again.

I shook my head and tried to push the image of those deep jade pools out of my brain.

 _You have a boyfriend now Bella; you can't be lusting over some random man._

I quickly sat down to check my email and then walked out to the open desk area to give out the various projects to the interns. Just as I looked up I saw a delivery man walk up to the desk with a bouquet of flowers. We didn't have a receptionist in the back office so the poor kid looked lost and I walked over to see if I could help him.

"Can I help you?" I called out. And he flushed bright red and sputtered at me.

"Um…uh…y-y-yes. These are for an Isabella Swan?" He looked at me wide-eyed. He couldn't have been more than seventeen.

Isabella? That's strange, no one ever calls me by my full name except Renee.

But I smiled at him as I made my way over. "I'm Bella, I mean Isabella. Do you need me to sign?"

He nodded. His mouth was still agape and I looked down to make sure I didn't tuck my dress into my panties or something. Everything appeared okay so I just shook it off and signed for the flowers and turned to head back to my office.

"Oooh Ms. Swan got flowers…" I heard an intern say and I immediately knew who it was.

"Lauren, Jessica, I suggest you get back to work." I quirked an eyebrow at them and at the same time I noticed the scowl on Mike Newton's face as he looked at Tyler.

Yes, my four interns were a bit of a challenge this year.

I walked to my office and closed the door and looked at the flowers. They were tall and bright blue with multiple flowers running up a rod. I knew they weren't gladiolas or orchids, but they were beautiful nonetheless. I set them on the edge of my desk and grabbed the card. It merely said my name on the front, but when I opened it there was nothing inside. No name or signature.

The card merely denoted the flower. _Blue Salvia._

Huh.

I looked into the flowers thinking maybe the card was dropped in or the company switched them, but nothing was there.

Well that's odd. Who would take the time to send me flowers and not sign their name? I instantly thought of a few people it could be. It could be James after our weekend, but he never really seemed like the romantic type.

It could be Alice or Jasper because my brother's birthday was on Friday. Same with Kate or my Mom or Dad.

But they would all sign their names wouldn't they?

Maybe it's a mix-up. But that didn't seem right either because my name wasn't exactly common. I had never met another Isabella Swan. Even stranger, none of _them_ referred to me as Isabella.

I sat down at my computer thinking it over when my phone rang suddenly.

"Hello." I stared at the flowers when I heard a loud shriek on the other end.

"Bella! I found the most absolutely perfect dress for the Met event. It's gorgeous, it's a Marchesa and it's beaded with flowers and it's bronze and chocolate brown. Oh my God, it will look so good with your eyes, and your skin and your killer bod! I am totally swiping it along with some shoes and some jewelry. I might even be able to get you a mask. You need to come over and try it on tonight." I don't think she took a breath during that rant.

"Alice, first of all, take a breath."

She giggled. "Sorry, you know how I am with fashion."

I rolled my eyes at myself. "Second, yes I will come try it on, but a Marchesa? That has to be expensive?"

"Meh, I have connections baby; you'll get it for half. Not to mention, you will be strutting it on the red carpet and at the event, so it's free advertising."

"All right Alice, what time do you want me to come over?" I shook my head and smiled into the phone.

"How about seven? I have a shoot until six but I should be home after that."

"Sounds great. See you tonight."

I ended the call and just shook my head laughing. Leave it to Alice to find "the perfect dress" only twelve hours after I talked to her.

I glanced up at the flowers on my desk when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

A head tentatively poked around the corner. "Ms. Swan, I, um have a question about something."

"Of course Tyler, I'll be out in just a minute to help you all."

I logged off my computer and walked back out of the main area without thinking about the flowers again that morning.

*&^%$#

The morning was filled with initial drafts of communications items and lunch arrived before I knew it. I asked Jasper to join me in the park since I brought my lunch that day. It was warm out and already June 8. Summer was officially underway, and we decided to eat in the park.

We walked a bit up toward the reservoir and found a bench to sit and eat our lunch in shade.

"So how was the anniversary Jazz?" I asked, as I took a bite of my turkey sandwich.

"It was great. We went to Le Cirque, and she really liked the pendant." He smiled.

"Oh, I know she did; she told me all about it last night." I laughed as I slowly chewed my sandwich, and then there was an uncomfortable silence between us. It was odd because Jazz and I usually chatted so effortlessly. I knew what it stemmed from and decided to take it head on.

"So Jasper, you said the man from Friday was an old friend? How do you know him?" I looked away as I slowly rubbed my apple.

"Um…He's really no one Bella…an old friend from high school." He shrugged and got quiet.

Why was Jazz being so secretive?

"Did you not like him or something?" I probed for information.

Jazz shook his head. "No, not at all…it's just…complicated Bella." He took a bite of his lunch then and looked away.

I knew that was the end of it. If there was one thing I knew about Jasper, he was very private with certain matters and once a subject was closed, that was it.

We chatted some more about his and Alice's anniversary and finished up our lunches. But as we made our way back to the Met, I had a strange sense that someone was watching me. It was odd; it was that feeling where the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I glanced around, trying to see if I saw someone I knew.

"Something wrong Bella?" Jazz looked at me with concern.

"Uh, no Jazz, nothing. It's nothing."

As we returned to our offices, Jazz told me he was in for a long day ahead because they were starting a new six week educational program the next week, and he had to finish some research for it. He was likely in for a late night. I mentioned that I was going to their condo later so maybe Alice and I would just have dinner and some wine.

 _I'll have to text Alice later._

I looked at my desk once more; the flowers were shining brightly under the fluorescent lights, and I decided to give James a quick call.

"Hello." He sounded gruff and busy.

"Hi, it's me. Sorry to bother you at work."

"No, that's fine. What is it, Bella?"

"I just wanted to thank you for the flowers. They're very pretty." I smiled as I looked at them once again.

"What flowers?"

 _He didn't know about the flowers?_

"The ones I got this morning. Didn't you send them?" I asked confused.

"No. I didn't send them. Someone sent you flowers?"

Shit, he sounded pissed now. Then who the hell sent the flowers?

"I…I don't know. Maybe it was one of my parents…Brad's birthday is this Friday." I said quickly.

He just harrumphed on the other end. What the hell was his problem?

"You sure they aren't from someone else?" He asked with almost a snarl.

"I really don't know who they're from, James. They didn't put a name on the card, just the type of flower." I said, evenly.

"Whatever Bella. I have to go."

"Well, can I call you tonight?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Sure." And he clicked off the line.

Cripes. Overreact much. What was that about?

I looked at my cell phone and back at the flowers. This was so odd. Who would send me flowers and not put their name on them? Maybe it really was just a mistake.

I decided to do a quick search on the internet. Maybe if I found out what Blue Salvia stood for then it would give me some indication of who they were from. I pulled up Google and typed in the line and clicked the search button.

I scanned for a page showing the meanings of flowers and scrolled through the different types. Finally I found it.

 _Blue Salvia- I think of you._

Hmmm. I pondered that meaning. That could be almost anyone, but I was sure it had to be one of my parents or maybe Kate or Alice. I sent them each a quick email and then shut my laptop. I needed to attend to my interns and get through a pile of drafts for communications items.

The rest of the afternoon went by at a rapid pace. At six-thirty I finally left the office and decided to simply walk to Alice and Jasper's condo. They lived on the Upper East Side on the other side of the Met.

As I walked down Fifth Avenue I warmed my face in the evening sunlight. It felt wonderful. Facing south and walking into the light; I let my strange day and even stranger weekend slip away for a bit. After I emailed Kate and Alice, they both responded that neither one of them had sent the flowers.

It was odd, but I was sure they must be from one of my parents or maybe even one of the boys in Brooklyn. I wouldn't put it past Sam and Emily to send them. Emily, Sam's wife, was always so sweet and supportive. I would just have to ask them this weekend.

Considering their thoughtful gift and the meaning behind the flowers took me back to Brad's last birthday before he died. It was his twenty-fifth birthday…

 _"_ _Bella, Bella, Bo-Bella. Are you ready yet?" Brad yelled up the stairs._

 _"_ _Hold on Braddy. I just need to put my hair up." I hollered back._

 _I started smiling as I threw my hair in a ponytail. It was the summer after my first year at NYU. I was so excited because I had just moved into my first apartment at the end of the school year with Kate. I had commuted all year to NYU because the subway ride from Brooklyn wasn't far. But now that I was interning at the Met and working part-time at the gallery in SoHo_ , _I wanted to be in Manhattan._

 _Kate and I moved into a little place not far from NYU. We had only been there for three weeks, but I was back in Brooklyn for Brad's birthday._

 _"_ _Belly! Let's go!" Brad shouted again._

 _I grabbed my purse and looked in the mirror again at my jean skirt and white tank. We were going down to MacNamara's to celebrate with all of Brad's friends and of course, Charlie._

 _I hustled down the stairs as I saw Brad taking a swig of his beer and his eyebrows shot up._

 _"_ _What are you wearing, Bell?"_

 _I rolled my eyes at him. "It's called a skirt Brad, sheesh."_

 _I grabbed his beer from him and took a swig._

 _"_ _Hey, you're too young for that." He mocked me._

 _I rolled my eyes again. "What are you going to do to me officer?"_

 _He snorted and just shook his head. Charlie always let us have a beer at home if we wanted to. When he was growing up, the drinking age was eighteen. Even though he was a cop, he always said if you could vote or fight in a war, you should be able to have a beer too._

 _"_ _You ready to go?" I asked._

 _"_ _Yeah. I just can't believe my little sister is so grown up. I'm going to have to keep my wits about me and keep all the boys away."_

 _"_ _Whatever Braddy. Let's go." I rolled my eyes and finished his beer._

 _"_ _Hey, don't call me that." He lightly punched me in the arm and tried to give me a noogie._

 _I slipped away. "Don't call me Bella Bella Bo-Bella." I laughed, and we turned to leave for MacNamara's._

 _"_ _So, who's this boy you met?" Brad asked as we were about a block from Mac's._

 _"_ _Alec. He's nice. He's in business school. His Dad works for Merrill Lynch. He's from a good family on the Upper West Side. I've only gone out on two dates with him, Brad." I stopped him before he could give me the inquisition._

 _"_ _Just as long as you're being careful."_

 _"_ _I'm a big girl, Brad. I'll be fine." Damn overprotective older brother. "And yes, I have my pepper spray, and I remember my defense moves before you even ask."_

 _"_ _I know, I know." He held up his hands._

 _We walked into Mac's to find almost all the guys from his precinct. Many of them were still in uniform having just gotten off their shifts. Sam, Jared, Embry, Harry, Quil, my Dad, Billy and Jake were all seated at a big booth in the corner. Beers already littered the table along with onion rings, fries and chicken wings._

 _"_ _Belly! I didn't know you'd be joining us!" Harry jumped up and gave me a hug. I squeezed him back affectionately. Harry was always like a second father to me._

 _"_ _Hi Harry, how are you?"_

 _"_ _I'm good. Jeeze Belly you look so grown up, now I see why Charlie's so concerned." He held my arms and looked back at me._

 _I rolled my eyes again. Not just an overprotective brother but an overprotective precinct as well._

 _"_ _Yeah, and now she's got a boyfriend too." Brad muttered._

 _Shit._

 _"_ _Brad!" I snapped. The last thing I needed was all of the cops asking me about that._

 _"_ _A boyfriend? Oh boy, I think I need to meet this kid." Harry said rubbing his chin. But I saw the look of amusement in his eyes; he knew Charlie and Brad would be tough enough._

 _"_ _C'mon Belly, have a seat. We'd give you a beer but you know, we're cops and have to uphold the law and all that." He joked._

 _"_ _It's okay Harry. I'm probably going to have to get the birthday boy home anyway."_

 _I sat down in the booth between Brad and Jake, who of course left me a spot. He just wasn't going to get it that I wasn't interested._

 _We laughed and joked as the guys drank their beers and I my diet coke. Brad's friends told stories about their antics as kids and lined the shots up in front of him. By eleven we had one inebriated Brad and a pretty well lit bunch of cops as well._

 _Suddenly Jake was a bit too close and had been drinking along with everyone. Probably as much as Brad since it was his best friend's birthday._

 _"_ _So, you're dating someone?" He asked, and I could hear the curiosity and jealousy laced in his voice._

 _"_ _Yes, Jake, I believe I am a single woman in New York, and I am dating someone."_

 _I knew my tone was a bit clipped, but I really didn't know how else to get the point across to him._

 _"_ _Hmpf. Have Brad and Charlie met him?"_

 _"_ _No, they haven't. And if it goes somewhere they will." I shrugged._

 _"_ _Hey Bella, I think your brother is ready to go home." Harry nudged me._

 _I looked over at Brad and started laughing. He was falling asleep in his beer. Charlie had to work a night shift tonight, so he had been drinking cokes with me before he'd left an hour earlier. I would walk back with Brad._

 _"_ _I'll get him, Harry."_

 _"_ _You sure?"_

 _"_ _Yeah." I stood up and pulled Brad's arm toward me._

 _"_ _C'Mon Braddy."_

 _"_ _Don't callllll me tat Belly." He slurred and I laughed at him while hoisting his arm over my shoulder._

 _"_ _You got him, Bell?." Jake asked a bit too eagerly._

 _"_ _I'll be fine, Jake. I've done this a few times." I said a bit shortly. 'And I don't want you coming home with us,' I thought to myself._

 _"_ _Fine." He grumbled._

 _I hoisted Brad up and everyone shouted their good-byes. I just laughed as Brad tried to slur out his response._

 _We shuffled down the street the three blocks to our home. I pulled Brad into the house and helped him up the stairs to his room. He crumpled onto his bed like I had pushed over a stack of books. I pulled off his shoes and ran downstairs to grab him a glass of water._

 _"_ _Here Braddy, drink some of this before you go to bed."_

 _"_ _Belly, you alwayssss take such gooood care of me n Dad." He slurred._

 _I smiled at him as he sipped the water with his eyes closed._

 _"_ _Promise me…." He said thickly. "Something happens you take care of yourssselfff."_

 _"_ _Braddy quit your drunk talk. Nothing's going to happen to you or Dad." I shook my head at him. He always did this when he had too much. He was never sentimental, but once he had some drinks he'd get all emotional._

 _"_ _You doooon't know that Belly…jist promise me."_

 _"_ _Okay, I promise." I grabbed the water from him and set it on his night stand and walked toward the door and turned off his light._

 _"_ _And ifff this Alec kid hurtssss you…I'll kick his asssss." He said before he fell back on to the bed._

 _"_ _Okay Braddy. Good night." I laughed at him as I rolled my eyes._

 _"_ _Love you, Belly."_

 _"_ _Love you too, Braddy."_

I turned the corner for the last block to Alice and Jasper's when I noticed a tear had slipped out of my eye. I quickly wiped it away. It was a fond memory of Brad, and I had to keep my promise to him that I would take care of myself and move on with my life. Through all of my work with the group that Alice and I attended I learned to focus on the good memories of Brad. I could be angry and frustrated, like I was for a while after everything happened. But I knew I couldn't go on living like that and Brad wouldn't want me to either.

I walked into Alice and Jasper's building waving at the doorman. He just smiled as he held the door. He knew me well since I was over here at least twice a week.

"Hi Fred. How are you this evening?"

"Very well, Ms. Swan, and you?"

"Oh Fred, it's Bella please and I'm good." I smiled.

The elevator took me to the twentieth floor and I stepped out to make my way down the hallway to their condo. I knocked before I entered, even though I knew the door was open, and then stepped inside.

"Alice?" I hollered as I set my purse on the granite island in their kitchen. I saw two glasses of wine already waiting in the kitchen, so I knew she couldn't be far.

"Bella!" I almost jumped.

"Hey Al."

"Oh my gosh, you have to see this dress. Here, take your wine." She handed me the glass and grabbed hers and then took my hand and pulled me through their condo to the master bedroom.

She and Jasper had a beautiful place. It was all clean lines and modern trim, with white couches and black and white pillows and bright artwork decorating the walls. It was a spacious two bedroom and had fantastic views of the park even though it was a couple blocks away.

"Ok, here. This is just going to be unbelievable on you." She pulled out the garment bag as I sipped my glass of merlot and looked around their bedroom. It was similar clean lines, but with a bit more warmth, with light blue walls and a large bed covered in white bedding.

I sat down on the fluffy king, careful not to spill my wine, and watched in awe as she revealed the dress. It was gorgeous. It was strapless, floor length, fitted and covered in beading. It was simple, yet the intricate bead work was the shape of flowers. It looked like an elegant mosaic as the different beads and sequins glistened in the light.

"Wow Al, I love it!" I breathed.

"I knew you would. Oooh and I got shoes and jewelry and even a mask too." She was so excited she was clapping like a child as she spun around looking for the rest. She handed me some gorgeous bronze stilettos and tsked as she looked for the jewelry and mask.

"Hmmm, I must have left them in the living room. You put it on and I will go get them."

I set my wine glass down, undressed quickly and ran my hands over the sequined bodice. The work of it was really sensational and I loved the chocolate brown and bronze. I didn't wear brown often so it would be fun to try something different.

I slipped out of my bra, standing in only my panties and slid the gown on. It fit perfectly as I zipped up the side and closed the hook and eye. Of course Alice would find something great. She knew me so well.

I stepped into the shoes and made my way to the full length mirror in the master bath and spun around in the light. The dress was really magnificent. It was understated, yet so intricate and beautiful at the same time. It was like a piece of art, which was perfect for an event at the Met.

I wondered what was taking Alice so long and shuffled out of the bathroom to make my way down the hall.

A sudden surge of electricity coursed up my spine.

Must be the wine and the excitement over the dress, I thought. I was almost giddy.

"Al, did you find the jewelry and mask? I love the dress. It really is perfect." I called as I turned into the living room and stopped abruptly.

"Oh." I gasped, and the surge of electricity shot through my entire body.

Standing in the middle of the living room was a man holding Alice in an embrace. But his gaze was over her shoulder and his jade eyes bored into mine.

 _Apollo_.

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I spent Sunday and Monday running over everything regarding my mission in my head. I thought about the way I needed to make contact to get back in. I knew they expected me back in New York in a week. But in the underground like this, it wasn't like I was walking into an office building for a 9:00 appointment.

I ran through everything I knew about the Dracs' New York organization. They were largely based out of Hell's kitchen where I would be living. I would find a point man named Nelo and then he would direct me in from there. I also knew that the Dracs had warehouse space in the Brooklyn shipyards along with several other properties scattered about the boroughs and New Jersey.

I did know, however, that one of their main clubs, _Dawnbreak_ , was in Hell's kitchen. It was a place that looked just like _Poarta Ardeal_ from the front, yet in the back it was a whole other world. In the back was where the girls, shipped to the U.S., fulfilled their "duties" or were sold to the highest bidder. I figured my best chance for making contact with Nelo was to go to the club on Thursday night. I had a picture of him in my brain that Corin had shown me before I left. I also knew he would be expecting me.

The rest of the day Sunday and Monday I spent scoping out the area around my new apartment, the club, and discreetly some of the properties in Brooklyn.

Of course through all of this I tried to focus on not thinking about the woman. Bella. But I found myself running up and down East Drive past the Met twice a day hoping to maybe catch a glimpse. I even went back to Gray's for lunch thinking I might see her again.

Finally, I resolved that on Tuesday, I would go to the Met and possibly talk to her. I wasn't sure as to how, when or where exactly. I didn't want to walk into her office and I didn't know her last name…yet. But that was something else I wanted to find out.

Thus, my first stop would be to visit Alice and Jasper tonight. It was two-fold. I knew I needed to see Alice and at the same time I was hoping to get information from them on Bella. Obviously Jasper knew her, and maybe Alice did too. Hell, maybe I would even be able to get her address.

 _Stalker._

My rational brain screamed at me because I was fighting all rational thought and tendencies as an agent, an undercover agent no less, in even thinking about seeing this woman.

But as I resolved on Sunday during my run, I had to do it. I had to find out what the hell this electricity was between us and, if anything, attempt to get her out of my head so I could go on and focus on my mission.

Monday evening came and I still had my key for Alice and Jasper's condo. I wanted to go in the dark, but I was afraid security might actually be harder at that time considering the building they lived in. So instead I was very careful about not leaving a trail and gave the doorman a different name. I showed him the key which had the inscription of the building's name on it, and he let me through. I was sure to make my way up to the floor with the name I gave him, just in case he was watching the elevators as I ascended.

Then I took the stairs back down to the twenty-second floor, careful to keep my hat and my sunglasses on. I had bought a cheap hat at a tourist store and some big fake sunglasses which would both cover all my hair and most of my face. I also pulled up the collared shirt I was wearing in hopes of hiding my face as much as possible on the security cameras.

I knew there was a chance they wouldn't be home yet, but I figured it was a Monday so it was a more likely night to catch them in. I went to use the key to open the door, but the door was already open. I stepped in and quietly shut it.

I walked into the living area past the counter where I saw a purse and keys sitting on the granite.

Alice must be home.

I could hear talking down the hallway and I assumed she was on the phone. I hoped I didn't scare her but there really was no other way to do this. I couldn't warn her like I had my parents.

Suddenly I heard heels clicking down the hallway and Alice humming happily. I waited with baited breath until she appeared in the doorway.

She didn't see me at first, but hurried over toward the dining room and I took a step forward. Her head shot up, and her eyes went wide as she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh my God." She shook her head.

"Hey Al." I looked at her intently. My little sister was as fashionably dressed as usual. She was dressed from work in a fitted red dress and heels. Her black spikey hair was in a neat pixie cut on top of her head and her big blue eyes filled with tears.

"Edward." She said as she finally walked over and I wrapped my arms around her and she reciprocated. She cried into my chest and I just stood there holding her in the living room.

I missed my little sister. I missed her fun spirit and exuberant personality. I missed her laugh and the way she always knew how to cheer me up. She was a bit much at times, but I would do anything to protect her. And now, it was just she and I. I knew she felt like I was leaving her too when I joined the FBI, and I couldn't help but think back to the day I left for Romania…

 _"_ _Please Edward, why are you doing this?"_

 _"_ _You know why I have to do this Al. It's my job." I shrugged at her as I packed up my duffle. I had been staying at their place for a few weeks on break. I was leaving for D.C. again, and then off to Romania for my mission._

 _"_ _It's not because of your job. You don't have to be undercover; you could do something else, something less dangerous." She shook her head at me as she sat on the guest bed._

 _"_ _Al, please, this is what I want to do. Mom already tried this with me, and it's not going to work."_

 _"_ _But what if something happens to you? It will kill her." She said quietly and then looked down at her hands. "It will kill me too. I can't lose you both; I feel like I already have." She was so quiet I almost didn't hear her, but I did._

 _"_ _What are you talking about?" I stopped my packing and looked at her._

 _She tipped her head up. Her eyes were filled with tears and she frowned at me. "Edward, you haven't been the same since Eric's death, and I get it. I know, but you have to move on, we are all trying too."_

 _"_ _I am moving on. That's why I am in the FBI." I said through gritted teeth._

 _Move on. Get past it. Live your life. Everyone kept telling me that, but they didn't understand._

 _"_ _You're not moving on. You're running away. You're not facing your problems or coming to terms with anything. Instead you're just fulfilling your need for vengeance and unwilling to work through the grief."_

 _"_ _Stop Al!" She flinched. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn't want to fight with her. I might not see her again and I didn't want to leave like this._

 _"_ _Al, this is what I do. This is who I am." I said in a stern voice._

 _"_ _It's not you Edward." The tears started flowing then and my heart clenched. "You haven't been you since Eric died, and I don't think I am ever going to get my brother back."_

 _"_ _Oh Al." I sighed and my heart instantly ached. I stopped my packing and pulled her into a hug. "I'll come back."_

 _"_ _Please, please just…be careful and come back." She said as she hugged me in her patented vice grip hug._

 _"_ _I will." Even though I knew I couldn't promise her that. And I wasn't talking about coming back from the mission…_

I looked down at Alice then, noticing I was in the same vice grip hug when suddenly I heard a voice and shoes walking down the hallway.

Shit someone else is here. I tensed, unsure what to do. How could I get out of this? Who could it be?

My eyes instantly went to the doorway when I heard it. Her voice.

Oh. My. Fucking.

Shit!

"Al, did you find the jewelry and mask. I love it, it really is perfect." She turned the corner from the hall and stopped.

"Oh." She said with a gasp and she looked as completely surprised as me.

I felt like the room was instantly filled with a current and my eyes were staring into hers as Alice finally turned in my embrace. But I hardly noticed.

Time stood still. She was standing before me in an elegant evening gown. It fit her perfectly, and made her look even more alluring than when I saw her on Friday.

A flood of emotions and thoughts soared through my brain. Shit. She's seen me here. This is not good, now she'll know that I am Alice's brother and she could be in danger. At the same time I was just drinking her in as she stood before me and I was absolutely hypnotized by her presence.

"Bella, this is my brother Edward." Alice said once she gained her composure.

"Edward." She whispered and shook her head like she was thinking of something. "Um…yes. We've met actually." She said walking over.

Alice's brows furrowed and she looked at me then. I realized I had been holding my breath, and I let it out slowly as my whole world had just come to a screeching halt in a matter of seconds.

"How do you know each other?" She glanced back and forth at us then.

I looked down at Alice, her question finally registering and then my gaze moved back to Bella. I couldn't take my eyes off her in the impeccable dress, her hair in a loose chignon and her beautiful long neck exposed. Her creamy skin was luminous in the light from the west facing window, and her perfect pouty lips and dark sultry eyes were mesmerizing me.

Shit. Get it together Cullen

I shook my head. "I actually about knocked her over at Gray's on Friday and then we saw each other at the museum. Isn't that right." I gave her a small smile and she nodded and bit her lip.

Fuck. That lip again.

"Really? How funny!" Alice immediately perked up and was back to her usual buoyant self. "What a coincidence. Well, Edward officially this is my friend Bella. She works with Jasper at the Met, but we've been friends since…"

Suddenly she trailed off and I should have noticed the inflection in her voice, but I was too busy staring at the goddess before me. At last Bella walked the rest of the way over and extended her hand.

"Well it's nice to meet you officially, Apo…errr I mean Edward." She smiled and blushed scarlet, and the color made her cream skin all the more beautiful.

"A pleasure." I smiled and took her hand. Warmth once again shot up my arm and straight to other places where I didn't need to be warm at the moment. But I couldn't help it. She was like a sun, and she lit me on fire and pulled me into her light every time I saw her.

Alice was gaping at us by now and I could see her eyes dancing merrily.

"Well Edward, I was just helping Bella get ready for the big summer fundraising event at the Met. Isn't her dress extraordinary?" She smiled mischievously.

I coughed to keep myself from saying what I was really thinking and nodded. "Yes, it's rather remarkable."

 _And not just the dress. No, you are remarkable. Exquisite really._

"Well, we have so much to catch up on. Do you want a glass of wine, or no, wait…Bella, stay here a second. I think I actually left the accessories and the mask at work. I'm going to run and get them; I'll be back in no time." Alice was suddenly in a frenzy.

"Wait, Al, no you don't have to do that, I can get them another time." Bella said confusedly.

"Of course not Bella, I want to see if they work, otherwise I will grab you different ones tomorrow because it's the last day of the shoot and all. I don't' want to risk missing out." She waved her hand and she was already half way out the door. "I'll be back soon. You make yourselves comfortable. Start dinner if you like."

"You'll be here when I get back?" She asked me knowingly and I nodded.

Fuck, I couldn't move at this point if I wanted to.

In a whirl she was out the door and I was standing in my sister's condo with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, a woman who had dominated my mind for the last four days. I wasn't sure how it happened. The last few moments were a lifetime and the blink of an eye, all at the same time.

 _Oh my God. I am alone with her. With Bella._

"Typical Alice." Bella said just then and rolled her eyes. I could tell she was trying to lighten the killer tension in the room.

"Yes. Typical Alice." I said as I gave her a large smile and her eyes widened as she took a breath.

"Um, I think the wine is on the counter. Al and I were just going to make some dinner because Jasper is working late." She said quickly.

Shit, I hope I'm not gaping at her and making her nervous. Time to use a little charm, Cullen.

What? Charm? You can't flirt with this woman.

 _But I can get to know her…_

"Oh, yes. I'll grab a glass. So you work with Jasper?" I asked.

"Yes at the Met. Hence the dress." She motioned and I couldn't help but let my eyes travel her body again.

"Well you look sensational." I murmured and she drew in a breath as we stared at each other. Blood was pounding in my ears and my breath was ragged. I could feel us moving closer together.

"You changed your hair." She said abruptly and then bit her lip almost embarrassed.

 _She noticed?_

"Uh…yeah…I just got back from….I mean, I actually changed it back. This is the real color." I said as I pulled off my hat and ran my fingers through it.

"Oh." Her eyes followed my hand and then they were burning into mine. "Well I like your real color better." She said in a hushed tone and instantly blushed again.

 _She liked it. What else did she like?_

I could feel the heat and the tension radiating off of both of us. I noticed we were still moving closer and I sucked in a breath and stepped back.

"I'll get us that wine." I gestured.

She shook her head. "Yes. Of course…I mean, actually I have some, but pour yourself a glass and I'll be back in a minute." She turned toward the hallway just then.

"Do you need any help?" I asked before thinking. She stopped and her eyes widened. The fire was crackling now and I instantly admonished myself.

 _Fuck. Did I really just offer to undress her? Jesus Christ get your shit together Cullen._

"I mean, I know those evening dresses are difficult sometimes" I blanched at my voice as I waved my hand dismissively.

"No, I'm good, but thank you for the offer." Her eyes were smoldering and I could feel my heartbeat quicken until she finally turned and made her way to the bedroom.

What the fuck is my problem? I talk to people all the time, use my charm, my wit, you name it. But I was utterly spellbound by Bella. Had I been under so long I couldn't even talk to a normal woman?

But she's not normal. She's the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen and I gravitated toward her like the earth to the sun. It was petrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

 _And completely wrong, and she's completely off limits. My rational brain said._

I hurried to the kitchen. Rather than pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed the bottle of Ketel One out of the freezer and filled a glass with ice and a dash of lime juice. I needed something stronger, much stronger. I was at a juncture, I knew it. I could either make up an excuse to leave and simply tell her that I needed to go, and I would catch Alice later; or I could stay.

Yes, I could stay and find out everything I possibly could in this short while and figure this woman out. Maybe that would help me deal with the emotions coursing through my body.

I sipped my drink and pondered my options as I tried to steady my breathing and the growing hardness below my belt.

Just then she walked into the kitchen. My heart stopped and my breath quickened again.

 _Yup, not going anywhere._

She was now standing before me in a black sleeveless shirt dress with a narrow belt cinching her trim waist. It was sophisticated and sexy at the same time, perfect for a New York working woman. Her chestnut waves were now down and hung around her shoulders. Her face was flushed pink and I couldn't keep my gaze from traveling down her body to the hot ass heels she was wearing that accentuated her long creamy legs.

Jesus. My pants were tightening and I was glad I was wearing the white linen shirt which covered below my belt line. Fuck. It's like I'm in junior high.

"No wine?" She asked with a smile.

"Ketel One instead." I smiled and held up the glass.

"Ah, my favorite other than a glass of red or a Guinness." She said as she took a sip of her wine.

Really? So she likes the Dutch Vodka. What else do you like _Mijn Schoonheid?_

"Guinness?" I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Irish girl from Brooklyn. My Dad and my brother both drank it." She winked at me.

Fuck. Harder, much harder. I turned a bit and then realized the inflection in her voice as she said it.

But she set down her glass and drew a breath and walked to the refrigerator.

"What are you doing?" I was so inquisitive about this woman. I wanted to know why she bit her lip and why she ate at Gray's and why she drank Guinness. I wanted to know everything about her. What the hell?

She laughed. "I'm making dinner Edward."

"Here?"

She scoffed. "You should know as well as anyone that Alice can't cook worth a damn." She said smiling.

Ah, she's confident and funny. I remembered that from our interaction at the Met.

"No, she can't." I laughed with her and set down my glass. "Do you need any help?"

"You cook?" She quirked her eyebrow this time and her eyes danced with mirth.

"I've been known to hold my own." I bent down to her ear and whispered. But I wasn't going to tell her it was from taking a class with Claire.

She drew in a quick breath and her eyes darkened. I could feel the tension pulsing between us again. "Well then, E, show me what you've got."

God she's fucking sexy.

 _Cullen. Get your shit together._

I drew back and instantly willed my body, specifically my cock, to relax as I grabbed a chopping board from the cupboard. I was fighting off the desire to interrogate her and throw her over my shoulder and head to the guest bedroom at the same time.

 _Ask her about herself dummy, before you start humping her leg like a dog._

"So how long have you known Jasper?" _And why haven't I met you before now?_

She told me how she met Jasper as an intern and her work at the Met. She was very successful and I assumed she must be Jasper's age or maybe Alice's. She mentioned her interns and how they could be unruly but she loved her job. She loved art and working at the Met. I found out that she was a cop's daughter from Brooklyn, where she grew up, but her parents were now divorced.

Hmmm. Ambitious and confident. She could hold her own, I was sure of it.

I asked her about college and discovered that she went to NYU. I learned that she did a ton of volunteer work. Even though she deflected any praise I rang upon her, she was obviously selfless and simply an extraordinary person. I was completely taken by her.

Then, I found out she was actually supposed to go to Jasper and Alice's wedding but came down with the flu.

Shit, I could have met her how many years ago…Damn.

My rational brain fought those thoughts. But I couldn't help noticing how we worked seamlessly in the kitchen together. I cut up tomatoes and onions and peppers as she put together her red sauce. I found out it was a secret family recipe from her Italian-born grandmother, though the rest of her family was Irish. I teased her that I would learn it and she blushed and I wanted to kiss the red from her cheeks.

This woman will be the death of me.

 _Like actually could be the death of me._

But I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as I began to realize that this might be the only time I would have like this with her. Talking and laughing, preparing dinner and simply being in Alice and Jasper's kitchen. The thought was unnerving on so many levels and I ignored it. Instead, I simply kept pumping her for information.

I asked her about her favorite foods and cooking and her favorite kind of music. When she said she loved old school rock and Led Zeppelin I about dropped my knife on my foot.

Then she said she was a die-hard Yankees fan and I had to resist the urge to, yet again, throw caution to the wind and kiss her. She had a light about her that just drew me in.

A light. _Mijn licht_. _En de licht._ In the light. Led Zeppelin. Jesus Christ.

I shook my head as I thought of the Led Zeppelin song "In the light." How fitting it was.

 _Wait fitting? Seriously Cullen. You can't be thinking these things._

But I couldn't stop myself. How could this smart, confident, a bit snarky, obviously caring, and compassionate and sexy as hell woman have so much in common with me?

 _But she was with a man Saturday night. And he was obviously more than a friend._

I forgot about that until that moment and it instantly rocketed through me. I knew she wasn't married, I didn't a notice a wedding ring on her finger and I had already looked at that.

Immediately.

 _Stalker._ My rational brain chanted again.

I determined I needed to find out who he was to her, and how serious they were.

"So did you enjoy the play on Saturday?" I asked then.

She stopped stirring for a moment and I saw a number of emotions run across her face. "Um. Yeah, it' my favorite."

"It's my favorite too." I murmured and I felt us caught in a trance once again.

Of course, another thing in common with a woman I can't have. And the only woman I wanted.

 _Stop it Cullen. Back to the task at hand. Who's the man?_

"Did your boyfriend enjoy it?" I asked quietly.

She flinched and kept stirring. "Uh…yeah."

I went back to preparing the garlic bread and the first bit of unease settled between us. I wasn't sure how to change it and tried to think of something else I could ask when she spoke up.

"He's a bit…um…overprotective, I'm sorry for his reaction?"

"Reaction." _I'd be overprotective too if you were my girlfriend_. I shook the thought once again.

"I saw him glare at you. It's really nothing. I don't know why he's so possessive. We haven't even been together very long." She said quickly and her eyes darted back to the sauce.

What is she trying to tell me? She isn't in love with him? Their dating, but he's possessive and doesn't have a right to be?

Before I could think I responded. "How long have you been together?"

"Oh, just a few months." It looked like she was going to say something more but stopped.

Just then the door burst open and Alice and Jasper walked in. Alice was completely back to her crazy self. Bella and I both stepped away from each other abruptly as we had again been slowly moving towards one another again.

Alice gave us both a knowing look and grin. Shit. I knew that look; she was going to try to set us up.

 _And no little sister, I wouldn't be opposed to it this time._

On some other level her look also made me realize that maybe this thing with Bella and her boyfriend wasn't that serious.

"Look who I rode up the elevator with. Finally done with work for the night."  
Alice gestured as Jasper strolled in behind her.

"Jazz." I walked over and gave him a hug and tapped his back with my fist.

"E. It's good to see you." I saw him glance at Bella and she raised her eyebrows. Obviously she had told him I was in town, but he didn't tell her who I was.

"Oh, I'm starving and that smell's so good. Is that Grandma Swan's red sauce?" Alice peeked into the pot and ripped off a piece of bread.

"Of course it is Alice have you ever known me to make it any different." Bella scoffed at her and Alice rolled her eyes. Oh I could see how these two were friends. Bella could hold her own against my exuberant sister.

"Swan?" I asked questioningly.

"Bella's last name Edward. Jeesh did you two stand here in silence the whole time?" Alice admonished me.

"No Alice." We both said at the same time and everyone laughed.

The sauce was finished and Jasper and I started setting up the dining room table.

"So, how long are you back for?" He whispered.

"Um…just a few days." I really couldn't tell him I would be in New York indefinitely.

He just nodded and I knew what he was thinking. He knew how much it hurt Alice every time I left, and even though he and I were friends, we had grown apart once I became an agent.

 _That's because you've grown apart from everyone._

I shook my head and made small talk with Jasper. I asked about his sister Rosalie and his parents. I found out he was now working in the research department at the Met but often had to prep for major educational programs which was why he stayed late that night.

Finally Bella and Alice returned from the kitchen and Bella looked a bit exasperated. I could only imagine Alice was grilling her to find out what we talked about.

We sat down to eat and I almost died at the flavor of the sauce.

"Oh my God, Bella, this is amazing." I said with a very poor mannerly mouthful, but I didn't care. The sauce was like fucking heaven; thick and sultry with a bit of sweetness, yet it had a bit of bite from the pepper. I instantly thought of how it was a fitting representation for the woman herself.

She blushed. "Thanks it's really nothing." She said quietly.

"Whatever Bella, you're a fantastic cook. You don't give yourself enough credit." Alice rolled her eyes.

The interactions throughout dinner with my sister and Jasper confirmed my insights. We laughed and joked and Bella told stories about her interns and Alice about her crazy photographers and models. Jasper and Bella teased each other relentlessly, but I could tell they were all close.

In the short time I had known her, I was growing to understand this woman.

She was a cop's daughter from Brooklyn with a bit of an edge, a slight endearing shyness and at the same time an uptown flare. She was witty and smart and down to earth, even though she worked in one of the most prestigious museums in the world. She was a walking contradiction, she loved art and music and top shelf vodka and at the same time the Yankees and Guinness and running.

A walking contradiction indeed. Contradictions that were so much like…

 _Me._

 _Holy fuck._

I stopped eating for a moment as the revelation hit me. Who the fuck was this woman and how hadn't I met her before this time? She's friends with Alice and Jasper and has everything in common with me. I almost couldn't believe it and I had to shake my head. And yet she was the one woman I couldn't have because she knew my entire family. A fucking contradiction of epic proportions and it cut me deep as the thought settled in my brain.

"Edward is something wrong? Is it work?" Alice asked me quietly, and I realized I had been tuned out of the conversation for a moment.

I put on a smile and took a sip of my drink. "No Al, nothing at all. Why?"

Up to this point we had skirted around the issue of my time in New York. I instantly determined I needed to divert any attention from the subject.

"So did you and Bella become friends through Jasper then?" I asked Alice and the table became eerily quiet.

Alice's breath caught and Bella set down her fork and took a sip of her wine. Jasper turned to look at me and I could see something in his eyes.

"Uh no, actually I introduced Bella to Alice when we began at the Met, but they became closer after Eric died." Jasper said.

I shook my head. "Oh, why?" I furrowed my brow.

"Um, my brother was killed that day too..." Bella said quietly and trailed off.

I remembered her words from earlier then. _Drank._ Her reference was to her _brother._

 _Oh my God._

The realization hit me like a wrecking ball. She lost her brother on 9/11 as well.

I could feel my eyes widen and the tension in the room was palpable. Holy fuck. What do I say? How can this be possible? How can she have _that_ in common with me as well and what the fuck did this all mean?

I cleared my throat. "I see. So you two started talking or something?" I asked tentatively.

"We went to a grief counseling group together Edward." Alice said and another ten pieces fell into place.

I remembered Alice trying to push me into attending with her and how much it helped her. I remember her telling me about her friend that she met and the volunteer work they did.

All of it snapped into place then. I felt…I wasn't sure how I felt. I was shocked and elated at the same time. I couldn't wrap my mind around my similarities with Bella and I also wanted to avoid any conversation of this topic with Alice and Jasper.

So I deflected. As only I knew how to do so well.

"Ah. I think I remember you telling me something about that. Well good for you. You seem to be close." I shrugged, hoping to sound nonchalant, when really I was dying inside. Dying to know more about this woman, dying because she was quite close with Alice and Jasper and dying because I did not want to talk about _Mijn Broer_.

Luckily Bella sensed the tension and changed the subject. They instantly launched into talk of the Met event. I shot her a thankful look, and she gave me a small smile.

How could she know exactly what to do? I only met her hours ago? I was baffled by this woman. But she was like a light, just drawing me in, warming me in the most unexpected ways. And even with the brief mention of Eric, she made me feel whole, lighter, than I had in years. She pulled me out of the darkness and I was enjoying myself for the first time in ages.

We finished our dinner chatting lightly and avoiding any more talk of Eric, or her brother, and cleaned up. It was getting late and Bella said she needed to be going.

Before I knew what I was doing I offered to leave with her.

"Um actually, I can accompany you. You shouldn't be going by yourself at this time of night anyway." _Then I can find out where you live._

 _Staaaaaalkerrrrr._ My rational brain said again.

What the fuck was I doing? I can't walk out of here with her. I can't be seen with her and risk putting her in danger.

But as much as my rational brain told me this, my body took over and I lost all thought once again, as I had for most of the night already.

"You really don't have to, I'll be fine. I take cabs all the time, Edward." She rolled her eyes at me. Yes, she was definitely a strong and self-sufficient woman. I was completely in her light now, drawn to her like a flower to the sun.

"It would make me feel better. Please?" I gave her my best mock pout.

"Okay." She whispered and blushed.

"Oh, you're not staying?" Alice asked sadly.

I turned to her then. "No, but I'll be in touch Al."

She smiled and seemed appeased. Bella grabbed her purse and the dress and other things Alice got for her and we both hugged Alice and Jasper good-bye. I promised to contact them and I knew that somehow I was going to be keeping that promise this time around.

I followed her down to the elevator, immediately putting on my hat and trying to keep my head down.

"Do you always wear hats?" She asked me suddenly.

 _My she's perceptive._

"Um. A lot I guess. Occupational hazard." I smiled but was curious why she asked.

"Oh why's that?"

Shit, I couldn't really tell her. I was already taking a huge risk accompanying her.

So I just shrugged. "Easier I guess. Have to get ready fast and all that."

"Ah." She seemed satisfied and we made our way out of the elevator through the doors. The doorman eyed me a bit warily since I had given him a different name and was now leaving with Bella. He obviously knew her.

Fuck. See Cullen, this is why you shouldn't be taking these risks. My rational brain taunted me.

But I just shrugged it off. I was already winging it tonight. What the fuck was I going to do at this point? Ditch her? Not happening.

I hailed us a cab and opened the door for her as she slipped inside. I couldn't help but run my eyes from her fantastic heels up her long creamy legs as I slid in next to her.

"Where to?" The cabby barked.

"West 93rd." Bella answered and gave the address.

So she was an Upper West Side girl. One _more_ thing in common. Even though I grew up on the East Side, I always liked living on the West Side better when I was at Columbia. I almost shook my head. This was getting to be too much. Somewhere inside me another piece of the puzzle clicked into place and I had to work to ignore the feelings coursing through my body yet again.

We sat in comfortable silence as the cab made its way down the street.

"So are you going back to work soon?" Bella asked tentatively.

"Uh, yeah…" I trailed off.

"But you can't talk about it…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." She shook her head.

"No, it's no problem. But you're right. I just can't talk about it." I gave her a small smile to let her know I wasn't mad or anything.

We returned to a comfortable silence until the cab pulled up outside of an old, but well-maintained condo building a few blocks from the park.

"Well, I guess this is good night." She said quietly.

The look in her eyes was dark and yearning. She bit her lip and my hand twitched. I wanted to pull out her lip. No, I wanted to pull out her lip with my teeth and kiss her. Sitting so close to her in the cab, her scent was intoxicating. I had missed it at dinner with preparing all the food. But now I was bathing in it. Coffee and vanilla and hint of sweet berry.

She drew in a breath and I realized we were, yet again, moving toward one another.

She broke my gaze then and reached into her purse for a pen and a piece of paper.

"Um…here. I know you don't want to talk about it. But I mean, sometime, if you do…." She was flustered as she quickly scribbled something down and thrust the paper at me.

"This is my number. I know how it is. I mean, with your brother. But if you ever want to talk or anything." My eyes widened and she shrugged, even though she was blushing furiously, I could see the red in her face even in the darkness of the night.

"C'mon, you gonna get out or what? Meter's runnin." The cabby snarked.

"Just a minute." I said and turned back to Bella.

I never wanted to talk about Eric. I never wanted to think about it. But for some reason this woman was making me feel things I hadn't felt in so long, if ever, and she made me feel like I _could_ talk to her. Something inside of me told me _she_ would understand.

I gripped the paper and looked down at her number, instantly memorizing it, before I looked back up at her.

"Thanks." I whispered. Then before I knew what I was doing I took a piece of hair that was in her face and put it behind her ear. My fingers grazed her skin and it was even silkier than I imagined.

Her breath hitched and I was paralyzed, intoxicated by her scent and the feel of her creamy skin on the tips of my fingers. My body was on fire and I could feel us growing closer.

At the last moment I had a bit of sound reasoning. She has a boyfriend, she's off limits.

"Do you want me to walk you up?" I asked almost breathlessly.

"Um…I'm okay tonight, but maybe another night." She said and the words hung out there. But she didn't smile, we were transfixed in a gaze and time was again standing still; fire erupting as hot as the sun between us.

Without thinking I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek and then pulled away and pulled my hand from her hair. Her breath hitched again. I had to hold back every fiber of my body from kissing her on her full pouty lips. My lips were on fire from the mere touch to her cheek.

"Good night, Bella." I said in a hushed voice.

"Good night, Edward." She said breathily. Then opened the door and stepped out of the cab.

I watched her walk up to her building as the doorman opened it for her. But at the last moment, she glanced back. I gave her a small wave and she nodded and shot me a breathtaking smile, her hands full with her new items. She was standing in the light of the door. It was bouncing off of her chestnut waves even in the dark night. Until finally, she stepped inside and the doorman closed the door behind her.

I was entranced and on fire. My brain, body and heart were warring once again. I gave the cabby a false address and he sped away from the curb. But I couldn't help but think of the feel of her skin, the tingle on my lips that shot straight to my groin and the way the light shone both on her and from her simply pulling me in.

Only one thought crossed my mind as the cabby sped away. Her answer and my wanting, regardless of how impossible or wrong it might be. I had to have her. Any argument I tried to make with myself before tonight was destroyed. The woman herself tore down those walls. And her words said it all, boyfriend or not.

 _Maybe another night._

 **XXXX**


	7. Chapter 7: Like a Ton of Bricks

**Chapter 7: Like a Ton of Bricks**

 ** _Crazy on You by Heart_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

I shut the door to my apartment and threw my stuff on the counter as I gripped the edge to keep myself from falling to the floor. My bones and my muscles were quivering. Quivering with need and excitement and anticipation and want. Pure want.

 _Sweet mother of God._

My body was reeling, and I felt like I had just taken the most exhilarating roller coaster ride of my life. Emotions that I had never felt were coursing through me, and it seemed like my face was on fire.

My fingers made their way up to my cheek where I felt like I had been branded. Branded with perfect lips by a man no less than a God and whom I wanted on so many levels; I could hardly fathom it.

A man who was my best friend's brother.

A man who was so unbelievably sexy; I couldn't keep my eyes off of him and my brain from the lascivious thoughts that ran through my head.

A man who was an FBI agent and if that wasn't as hot as the tatt I got a glimpse of, I didn't know what was.

A man who was deeply troubled no matter how hard he tried to mask it.

A man who I wanted to give a hug and yet have him take me all at the same time.

 _Sweet mother of God is right. How the hell had I not met Edward before tonight?_

This was the question that kept running through my head from the moment I saw him embracing Alice in the living room. I knew it instantly. Everything clicked into place. There was only one person Alice would cry over, and he was standing there holding her like only an older brother could. I had heard from friends of Alice who knew him how incredibly good-looking he was.

That was a bit of an understatement.

The realization that my Apollo was Edward crashed into me like a ton of bricks.

How had I never met him?

How had I randomly met him this weekend and had these feelings for him before I knew who he was?

 _Then I almost called him Apollo!_

I shook my head and ran my hands down my face as I realized the quagmire I was now in. What the fuck was I doing? I clearly felt something for Edward. It was undeniable. It was almost primal and unexplainable. It just…was. The way we worked so well together making dinner, talking, laughing and teasing each other like it was something we had done for lifetimes.

And yet I had just agreed to start seeing James exclusively. He was going to be pissed, really pissed, if I broke things off with him. But I couldn't deny that the spark, the flare, whatever it was that automatically appeared like a tidal wave of electricity around Edward, simply wasn't there with James.

Not to mention Edward and I had so many things in common. We literally had all the same interests. He had lived his life just as much as I had at the opposite ends of the spectrum. He was from a very affluent family but worked in what I could only imagine were some of the most impossible situations. He could wear Armani and go to a show and at the same time rock a black tee and take in a Yankees game. He was so much different from James who was a stuffy businessman driven by ambition and money.

But should I give this up? Edward clearly has issues, and I don't even know if he's staying in New York.

I knew he could feel the pull and the charge between us. But maybe it was all just pure lust. Maybe he didn't really feel the kind of connection I felt tonight. Did I really want to break up with my boyfriend after meeting a man after one night?

The practical side of my brain said I was being impulsive and irrational.

 _The grass is always greener on the other side…_

But some innate part of me convulsed at the idea of walking away from it.

I needed to sleep. Shit, I needed…something. Something other than these thoughts running through my head.

It was after eleven, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon. I needed to burn off some tension.

Without thinking, I hustled into my bedroom and instantly stripped out of my clothes and into some gym clothes. It was too late to run in the park, but I could definitely go downstairs to the gym in our condo building.

I tossed my hair in a ponytail, grabbed my Ipod and headed for the first floor. I even took the stairs down to try to burn off a little extra tension. I jumped on the stationary bike and turned on my Ipod as I peddled like a mad woman to the beat of the songs.

 _"_ _Got me lookin so crazy right now, your love,  
Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now, your love…_

Damnit! Switch. Stupid Beyonce.

I turned to the next song; I did not need to be listening to _Crazy in Love_. I was definitely not crazy in love. Crazy in lust maybe, but…fuck, what the hell am I saying?

I kept peddling faster as the next song rolled on. A little old school rock to mix up the beat.

Edward likes old school rock…and Led Zeppelin, and he plays the piano and the guitar.

 _I'd like those fingers to play my piano._

Fucking A, Bella get your head out of the gutter!

Shit. This wasn't helping. I tried turning my music to something mellower, but John Mayer only sang of love, and Bob Dylan just brought me back to Edward again.

Finally I just shut off my iPod and focused on the program I was doing on the bike. Soon sweat was pouring down my face and I was wiping it away with the back of my hand. It was then that I realized I was biking almost nineteen miles per hour, and my legs were screaming at me.

I shut off the bike having successfully relieved some tension and walked over to the rack of dumbbells by the mirror. I immediately started doing arm curls and shoulder presses.

Suddenly, I noticed a flash of something in the mirror out of the corner of my eye.

I looked over to the door and didn't see anyone trying to use their key to get in and didn't think much else of it.

I went back to lifting weights when an uneasy feeling crept over me. I felt like I was being watched again. It was women's intuition or sixth sense that slowly swept through my veins, and I realized I was no longer panting from exertion alone but from anxiety as well.

I looked in the mirror again and out the door. No one was there.

I was probably just being paranoid. My senses were at such a heightened level after tonight; I was sure I was overreacting. I calmed myself down and racked the dumbbells and turned to leave.

I made my way to the elevator only to see a very large man enter the elevator ahead of me. He had to be at least 6'5 and was a beast of a man. But for some reason I didn't feel intimidated by him. He gave me a pleasant smile and a nod, and I returned it as I pressed the button for my floor. I had never seen him before, so I could only guess he was either visiting someone or he just moved in to the condo that was up for sale on my floor.

"Great weather out there today huh? So nice for summer in New York." He said.

"It sure was." I smiled at him, and he shot me a dimpled smile. He didn't sound like he had a New Yorker's accent…he almost sounded like he was from Boston.

The elevator bell rang, and I said good-night to the large but almost comforting man as he walked to the other end of the hall. I made my way into the apartment and double checked my deadbolts; still a bit weary from the feelings I had in the gym.

I hopped in the shower and quickly scrubbed down my body. I finally breathed out some of the tension after my encounter and made my way to bed around one A.M. Even though I was more relaxed my mind kept wandering over the interactions, as well as my relationship, with James.

The problem was, as much as I wanted Edward, I simply didn't know if it was even an option. The crazy part was that for the first time in a long time, I wanted more with him. I didn't want to just float.

It struck me that I now knew the difference between simply dating someone like James and being so attracted and having an all-consuming draw to Edward. I wanted to know everything about Edward. I wanted to find out more about him playing guitar or jamming to Led Zeppelin. I wanted to hear his funny stories from college and the reason he joined the FBI. I wanted to know about his childhood stories with Alice and Eric. I wanted to know what his tattoo was and if he had any more of them.

 _And if so, I wanted to see them and trace my lips over them and…_

Damnit.

I sighed and turned and fluffed my pillow. My mind kept running over the night, and I didn't fall asleep until sometime after two. I only made two decisions. I needed to find out more about Edward and I needed to talk to Jasper.

*&^%$#

The next day I woke up and I was groggy and out of sorts. I still hadn't come to any conclusions last night and waking up didn't refresh me. I decided to skip my morning run and instead go for a walk to a little coffee shop I liked by Columbia. I wanted to simply get some fresh air and clear my head before work, yet my legs were still sore from biking the night before.

I stepped out of my building to find the morning a bit overcast and threatening rain. I power walked to Callie's Coffeehouse and grabbed a latte and a scone. As I left the sky was really darkening.

 _Gosh, I hope that's not an omen for my day._

As I made my way home, I cleaned up and ate my breakfast. I dressed in a lightweight khaki skirt and black top. I didn't care so much about how I looked today. I knew I would have to walk in the rain through the park, and I wanted to be comfortable.

I slipped on my rain jacket, some waterproof sandals and grabbed my umbrella and work bag. Luckily I had left my laptop at the Met yesterday since I walked to Alice and Jasper's.

Once I got to work, I dropped my bag and fired up my laptop. I looked at the flowers still on my desk and shook my head at the other strange occurrence of yesterday.

Thank goodness my morning was busy and went quickly. By lunch time, I was able to take a break from readying for the fundraiser and also the intern event that we were planning the following week. I decided to walk down to Jasper's office and see if he wanted to join me.

"Hey Jazz?" He looked up, and I could instantly see the combination of trepidation and happiness on his face. We didn't have a chance to talk last night, and I was sure he was probably waiting for me to pepper him with questions.

Honestly, I didn't know how I felt about the whole situation. I wish he would have told me, but part of me also understood that he obviously had his reasons. I just wanted to know those reasons.

"Uh, yeah. Give me just a sec."

He grabbed his lunch and shut his laptop and followed me out to the hall. It was raining steadily now, so we decided to simply go to one of the conference rooms. We ate quietly for almost fifteen minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. Jasper wasn't a man of many words, but we were good friends and he and I always talked.

"Jazz, I'm not mad at you or going to be pissed if you don't tell me something, but I have to know what you are thinking." I finally said.

Jasper finished chewing his sandwich slowly and took a long drink of his soda.

"I don't know what you want me to say Bella," he shrugged.

"Ok. Not good enough J. I'm not mad, but I do want to know why you didn't tell me 'E' was your brother-in-law." I quirked an eyebrow at him.

He sighed then and looked at me. "Bell, Edward is…" He stopped. I could tell he was conflicted about this.

"Edward is…not the same person I grew up with. He hasn't been ever since Eric died. He and I used to be very close even though I dated Alice."

"So why wouldn't you tell me who he was? I mean, I am very good friends with both of you, and I felt a little odd that I didn't know who your brother-in-law was?" I stated.

"I know. I'm sorry about that. But part of the problem is I can't tell you much either." He took a deep breath. "In fact, I probably shouldn't even tell you this." His voice became very low. "But Edward's work is almost entirely undercover. I'm not supposed to know about some of the things he does, but he's not like most agents. He's…special or something…he has special skills and training."

"So you can't tell me about him because he can't talk about his missions or what?"

He nodded. "Yes, there's that, and it's dangerous for him to even visit us. He has to be very sneaky about it and that's why he showed up at our place unannounced. He can't call or anything."

My heart dropped. My nagging suspicions were only confirmed. He couldn't have a relationship with me, and he was likely not staying in New York if what Jasper said was true. I felt a sudden and intense sensation of loss, and I couldn't believe it.

I stopped eating my yogurt, no longer hungry, and became quiet.

"Bella, this is why I was afraid of talking to you and afraid to tell you. I could see how you two responded to each other last night…but I don't want you to get hurt. Alice and I have always thought that you two would make a good couple, but with his job and the situation…it just…you know…never happened."

I could tell Jazz felt bad, and I didn't want to push it anymore. But my mind was reeling at the same time. They thought we would make a good couple? But now they didn't…or they just didn't think it could happen?

Again my heart sank, and I tried to ignore it. I did pick up on what Jasper was telling me. I needed to move on. Forget about Edward because even if we were compatible it would never happen. Either his job or his personal issues would get in the way.

Then why did I have the undying need to help him with those issues? Why did I feel like maybe I was the one person who would understand? Maybe it was a false sense of hope. I could already tell just from meeting him last night that he was a private person. He pumped me for information, but other than agreeing on things we had in common, he hardly gave up anything about himself.

 _But maybe I could help him open up?_

I sighed as Jasper finished his lunch, and I just twiddled my plastic spoon around my finger. I wasn't sure what to think about the situation. I just knew that for some reason I simply couldn't push Edward out of my head.

*&^%$#

At 5:00 I left the office to make my way home when my cell phone rang.

"Hi Mom." I answered breathlessly. The rain had stopped and I was making my way down the back steps to the park and towards home.

"Hey Bells. I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight instead of Thursday…Phil and I have something going on."

"Sure Mom. Do you still want to meet in Greenwich?" I looked at my watch quickly. "In fact, I will just swing by home and then grab a cab. 7:00 okay?"

"Sure. See you then." My mom said in a sing-song voice.

Go figure Renee would have to reschedule. I was surprised she remembered that we were going to have dinner at all. But she always tried to have dinner with me near Brad's birthday. It was her form of remembrance even though we hardly spoke of Brad the rest of the year. I always made it a point to spend the actual day of his birthday with Charlie. I sighed and clicked off the call.

I continued down the steps to the sidewalk and was flipping through my messages when I saw a text from Kate and giggled. She had sent me a picture of our favorite actor, who was apparently in downtown Manhattan today, along with a funny note.

I was laughing and looking down as I started to cross East Drive when I ran smack into someone.

"Oh!" I stumbled as I dropped my rain coat and my umbrella.

I looked up to see familiar jade eyes and a small smirk on his face.

"We really need to quit meeting like this. You really are clumsy, huh?" he joked.

I was tongue-tied, and I realized it was because Edward was standing before me.

Shirtless.

Shirtless and sweating and his Oakleys had been pushed up on his head over his backwards Yankees hat.

"Um…yeah...I guess I forgot to tell you just how clumsy I am." I smiled, but I couldn't help the direction my eyes went. Down his body.

Dear. Sweet. Mother. Of. God.

He was…

Just…

Fuck.

More than Apollo. He was Zeus, Aries, Achilles, Adonis, Apollo, pretty much every Greek God I could think of in the flesh. He was muscular, more muscular than I realized, but not in a meathead kind of way. He looked like he had perfectly toned every muscle and inch of his carefully sculpted chest and arms and abs.

Oh, that chest. I wanted to rake my fingers over it. And his abs were simply...divine?

Yes. Definitely divine. God-like for sure. He had a perfect six-pack and that unbelievable ripped v in his hips that made me want to do dirty, dirty things with him.

 _What the hell is it with this man?_

I shook my head realizing I had just ogled my best friend's brother in the middle of Central Park. Then I noticed he was staring at me curiously as well.

"Bella? Are you okay? I didn't hit you in the head or anything did I?" He was frowning as he stepped back, and I realized he pulled his hand from my arm. Once again I instantly felt the loss of heat from his touch.

"Uh…no…really. I'm fine. A bit dazed is all. I'm sorry I am so terrible at paying attention, and I keep literally running into you." I smiled.

His expression softened but then he glanced around and quickly pulled his Oakleys down; hiding his beautiful jade eyes.

"It's fine. I'm just glad you are okay." I saw his hand twitch and then I noticed we were standing in the middle of the path on East Drive.

"Sorry to stop your run." I said lightly. "I always hate it when that happens. I should let you get going."

He nodded, but I saw him swallow, and my eyes once again took in his perfect form as he stood back from me. I could now make out the tattoo on his bicep…it was a large symbol of some sort.

 _God, what I wouldn't do to have my hands and lips on that._

"I should be going." He smiled sadly, and I just nodded and bit my lip.

"Yeah. See you around." I whispered.

He nodded and took off toward the south end of the park, and I spun around as he made his exit. The muscles in his back were moving with his, arms and I could now make out another tattoo down his triceps and a very large one on his back.

 _Sweet Jesus._

I shook my head again; trying to break out the fog of pure lust that had set in.

I sighed.

Well…shit.

How could I forget about him? Regardless of what Jasper said to me earlier, I just couldn't shake the fact that I wanted to know him. I wanted to know him on every possible level. Seeing him standing in front of me half naked made my libido do back flips like a gymnast at the Olympics, and I was right back where I started.

What was I going to do? Maybe I should just let him make a move. If he was going to be in New York and he was interested then he could be the one to do something, right?

But then where did that leave James and me? After our phone call yesterday, he and I hardly spoke other than a few texts. It was almost as if he was mad at me about the flowers, which I didn't understand. It wasn't like I was seeing someone else behind his back.

 _But you want to be._

I stopped walking and thought for a moment. I did want to be. I wanted to be seeing Edward. But was he even an option? And I would never do that. I would never see someone behind his back. I would end it first.

Gah. Stupid men. I have never been one to get caught up in drama over a man. It had been a long time since Alec, and I simply didn't get that invested in them.

Maybe that was the problem. For some odd reason, I _was_ invested this time, and in a man I hardly knew.

I continued walking home. The rain had stopped, and I just wanted to change and clear my head before I went to dinner with my mother. I knew dinner would be a bit awkward and trying. It always was with Renee especially when Phil was there as well.

Over the years, Renee and I had worked to improve our relationship. I was so young when she left that I wasn't affected as much as Brad. But I still hated the way she left, and part of me always missed having a mother around on a consistent basis. I think part of the reason I grew up with the boys was because I was used to hanging around them. I was always with Charlie and Brad and Brad's friends. I never had girlfriends until I met Kate and later Alice. It was part of the reason it took me longer than most girls to come into their own and really understand myself. My mother had always had that confidence.

My mother was, and still is, a beautiful woman. She looks young for her age even though she's only fifty-four. She was twenty when she and Charlie were married and had Brad only five months later. It was a shot-gun wedding by all accounts, and Renee always felt like she didn't get her chance to live. It was the reason she pushed me to go to school and pursue my career.

But then she met Phil when she was thirty, and he had just been traded to the Mets. From what I know of it, he pursued her even though he knew she was married. Phil and I were cordial, but I never got close to him. I forgave Renee for the most part, but I think part of me would always be a bit angry with Phil for pursuing my mother. I didn't know the specifics of how they got together other than through the sports agency where she worked. It was one thing for her to step out on her marriage, but it always rubbed me that he didn't back off when he knew she was married.

As I thought about it, I also knew their situation was part of the reason why I was so conflicted about my feelings for Edward and James. Regardless of how long James and I had dated, I would never cheat on him. I figured I owed it to him to break it off and be honest with him, if I decided to do that. I knew how much Charlie was hurt by Renee, and I would never do that anyone.

I took the stairs up to my condo, reveling a bit in the burn in my legs as I reached my door. I fumbled for my keys as I thought about Renee and Phil some more.

My mother married Phil only a month after the divorce was finalized. She and Phil lived in New Jersey; in a swanky estate in Franklin Lakes. Phil was born and raised in New Jersey and had the thick Jersey accent and an attitude to go with it. He was an entrepreneur of some sort; I wasn't sure what he did exactly after he retired from baseball, but I knew he had his hand in a number of business ventures with other former athletes.

I also knew that Phil had a bit of a gambling problem. Renee didn't like to let on that I knew, or that anyone knew for that matter, about his problem. But he provided her with that perfect life that she couldn't have with Charlie. Renee didn't work and was able to be the epitome of a trophy wife with Phil. But I always wondered just how secure their financial situation was. I never trusted Phil. Luckily, I hardly ever saw him.

I quickly changed into some jeans and a sleeveless top and freshened up my make-up. I walked down to the street to catch a cab, and thought I would give James a call to see if he wanted to join us.

Even if I was having conflicted feelings about the situation, a part of me felt bad for feeling the way I did about Edward. I didn't know what to do. But maybe seeing James tonight would help me sort out my feelings.

I tried calling him twice, and it went straight to voicemail. I sent him a text to let him know where we were having dinner and to feel free to join us if he had a chance after work.

At last I was able to hail a cab and set out for Greenwich. My mother and I always met at John's Pizza in Greenwich. The cab made its way south as my phone buzzed in my pocket.

 ** _B~I can meet you. Leaving the office now.~J_**

 ** _J~Great! See you in a bit.~B_**

Hopefully spending some time with him tonight would help me sort out my feelings.

Soon, I paid the cabby and stepped out on to Bleecker Street. It was a little before 7:00 when I walked into John's and put my name in. I knew Renee and Phil would likely be late. They were always late.

I decided to check my phone briefly while I waited outside. I looked up at the last minute, and I saw a familiar face walking down the street. He was wearing a hat, and he was much bigger than the last time I saw him. But I would know his dimpled face anywhere. He gave me a blinding white smile and he sped up his pace.

"Bella! It's so good to see you!" Seth picked me up in a giant bear hug, and I laughed as my feet left the sidewalk. He was a monster.

"Oh my gosh, Seth! What have you been doing? You're huge!" I joked with him.

"Aww, it's all natural, Bell." He lightly flexed his massive bicep and I laughed.

"How have you been? It's so good to see you. It's been what…since Thanksgiving before last?" I asked trying to think back.

"Yup, been working hard. You know all this secret agent stuff has had me busy." He joked.

Seth Clearwater and I were pretty close after Brad and Harry were killed. He was a major support for me and I was for him as well. We were able to help each other through a lot of the feelings of anger and resentment after their deaths. But I also knew Seth channeled a lot of his anger into his goals to become an FBI agent. As soon as Seth joined the FBI, he was immediately sent on his first mission and I hadn't seen him as much in the last few years.

"So are you back in New York for a while?" I asked smiling up at him. Gosh, I couldn't believe how big he was. He had to be at least 6'5'' and very muscular. He was an attractive man, but Seth was always like my little brother. There was nothing sexual between us.

"For a bit." He smiled, and I knew that was all he could tell me.

 _What was it with these agents?_

"Well, you should stop by and see Charlie. I am sure he would love to see you." I offered.

"I might have to do that." He looked up then and tensed a bit. "I need to be going Bell. But it was really good to see you. Take care." He squeezed my arm and turned on his heels and left.

I was instantly struck by his abrupt end to the conversation. Seth was one of the nicest people I knew; he never acted like that.

I turned around in time to see James walking down the sidewalk, briefcase in one hand and blackberry in the other. But he was glaring past me as he approached.

He set down his briefcase and gave me a quick kiss.

"Who was that?" He asked. His voice was cold though and I knew immediately that he was not in a good mood. He sounded like he did during the phone call yesterday.

"Hello to you too." I said to him. "He was just a childhood friend, James. I grew up with him."

"Hmpf. Well he's not a child anymore now is he?"

"Are you really going to do this? We have to meet my mother in a few minutes and you are going to act like this?" I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"I'm sorry; it's been a long day." His face softened then. "Are your mother and Phil here?" He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him.

"No not yet. You know them; they're always late." I stood there with James' arm around me but I didn't feel comforted. Instead I was pissed. He knew how I felt about cheating and about my mother and Phil. I was tired of him being so jealous all the time.

We waited outside, and James checked his Blackberry. Ironically, James already knew my mother and Phil from his work. They knew we were dating, so meeting them for dinner wasn't a big deal. James' firm did some work with one of Phil's business ventures and apparently he had met my mother at a client event of some sort. For as big as New York City was, it was also strangely interconnected and a small, small world sometimes.

We stood in silence until finally around 7:20 my mother and Phil walked up.

"Bella! Hi baby! Oh you look gorgeous!" My mother squeezed me tightly and I cringed a bit. Even though she wasn't very motherly or there for me growing up, she still called me her baby and treated me like I was a child sometimes.

"Hi Mom." I released her and nodded at Phil. "Phil."

"Hi Bella."

"Mom, Phil, I believe you already know James from his work at Foster and Wheaton." I motioned to James and he stepped forward.

"Phil good to see you again. Renee as lovely as ever. " He kissed her hand and she blushed. James could turn on the charm when he wanted to. That was how he drew me in back in March.

Just then the hostess called our names and we were seated in a back booth.

"So Bella, how long have you two been dating now?" She eyed me curiously, and I knew what was going through her head. Even though she pushed me to be successful in my career, lately she had been pushing for me to settle down and start giving her grandchildren. Of course, she thought James was a perfect match since he was an attorney downtown and could provide me with things that Charlie never could. She wanted me to have the same lifestyle she now had. The problem with that was I loved my job and planned to continue working.

Before I could respond though, James piped up.

"We've been dating for a few months now, right sweetheart?" He squeezed my shoulders and pulled me into him protectively.

I gave him an incredulous look.

 _Sweetheart?_

Since when did he call me sweetheart? But of course before I could respond my mother jumped in.

"Oh well isn't that wonderful. You two make such a cute couple." My mother said sweetly and patted my arm.

God. If she only knew the thoughts I had been having the last few days. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to still be dating him and was considering breaking it off.

Luckily the waitress stepped over just then to take our order, and I was able to order a beer. Phil and James launched into some discussion of business and my Mom had her opportunity to corner me.

"So how serious is this?" She whispered slyly.

"We really just started dating Mom." I tried to persuade her otherwise.

"Bella, you need to jump on this. There aren't going to be very many men like him left as you get older. You're almost thirty-three already." She said as she sipped her wine.

"Mom, we really just started seeing each other exclusively. I'm sorry, but I won't be having any grandkids any time soon." I rolled my eyes at her.

"I just want you to find a good man to take care of you, baby." She patted my hand.

Ugh. I hated this discussion. I did not want to be "taken care of" and I was not ready for kids. But for some reason, the mother who walked out on her own children wanted nothing more than loads of grandchildren. Typical Renee, she could never decide what she wanted.

I continued to avoid her inquiries into my relationship with James until the pizza arrived, and we switched to discussions of baseball and some new sports complex that one of Phil's companies was building in Brooklyn. It was nice to see that James got along so well with my mother and Phil but at the same time, the whole dinner just felt off, almost contrived. I couldn't put my finger on it.

Unfortunately, my mind decided to keep going back to my dinner last night with Edward and how it felt so right to be working in the kitchen with him. How we had so much in common, and how the room seemed to be filled with electricity when he was around.

And then I thought of him with his shirt off today.

 _Holy hell._

I couldn't explain the difference, but my reaction to Edward was nothing like it was to James. I was attracted to James, but sometimes I was not attracted to his personality. Edward, on the other hand, drew me in on everything. He was witty and personable and undeniably sexy. I realized at that moment that inviting James only complicated things more for me rather than simplifying them.

Suddenly I was pulled from my reverie by something James said.

"I will have to talk to Laurent about the contract for that shipment of steel for the project. I know you wanted to get it off the ground soon."

The name Laurent instantly struck a chord with me.

"Laurent?" I questioned. "Not Laurent Dufour? You're not talking about the VP for the Van Rijn Corporation are you?"

"Yes. How do you know him?" James narrowed his eyes at me and I responded in kind.

"He used to date Kate. Let's just say I am not fond of him." I said dryly and took a sip of my beer.

Not fond of Laurent was a bit of an understatement. I despised him, and if I ever saw him again I might actually kick him in the balls. I definitely didn't like the fact that my boyfriend and my stepfather were in business with him. Regardless of how little I cared about Phil.

"Bella, it's just a business relationship." James countered.

"Whatever." I was annoyed. I didn't want to get into what he did to Kate with them. For one thing it wasn't my place to tell them about it and for another I was annoyed at how small this circle seemed to be. Not only did James know and work with Phil, but they worked with Laurent as well. Fucking great.

My Mom, for once, sensed the tension and decided to ask me about work and my volunteering. Eventually the conversation moved to Brad and Renee told a few stories about us when we were little. But I was uncomfortable, and counting the minutes before I could leave. I was by no means in the mood to celebrate or have a memory fest with Renee about my dead brother.

My brain was in a state of flux, and I didn't know whether it was from the situation with James and Edward, the new information about Laurent, or the fact that my Mom wanted to talk about Brad at a time when I really didn't want to. At last the waitress brought our check and Phil picked up the tab.

I hugged my Mom and Phil good-bye, and they walked to their car.

"Bella, should we go to your place?" James kissed me below my ear and I instantly tensed.

"Actually, I'm really tired. I think I just want to go home and turn in tonight." I turned away from him.

"What's wrong? Are you still pissed at me about Laurent? It's a business relationship. I have to do my job and sometimes I can't pick my business associates. You know the partners assign our cases." He furrowed his brows at me.

"I know that. Really, I am just tired. We can go to dinner and a club on Thursday, okay?" I smiled impishly at him. He had mentioned on Saturday about going out on Thursday.

He peered at me, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I needed some distance tonight.

"Fine. Thursday then. I will pick you up at eight and then I thought we could try a new club I heard about. It's called _Dawnbreak."_

"Okay." I smiled and he leaned down to kiss me, and I couldn't pull away. He put his hands in my hair and began to deepen the kiss. I wanted to step away from him but was locked in his embrace.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come over? I could make you feel better." He said lowly in my ear.

"I'm sure James, I'm really very tired." I whispered.

He eyed me curiously and finally relented. He called me a cab and opened the door for me.

"I'll text you tomorrow." I kissed his cheek and stepped in the cab and waved as I left.

My stomach was in knots. And somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew that I wasn't only leaving him for the night.

*&^%$#

 _"_ _Bella." He whispered into my neck and lightly traced along my vein with his tongue._

 _"_ _Hmmm?"_

 _"_ _Bella." He whispered again._

 _"_ _Apollo?" I asked in a daze._

 _He chuckled, and I felt his hand run up my leg as his lips found the juncture of my neck and my shoulder._

 _"_ _Why do you call me Apollo?" He asked. His lips continuing their travels along my collarbone and my neck as his hand made its way to my breast. I shuddered at the feel of his hands lightly tickling my nipple._

 _"_ _Mmmm, because you are beautiful like Apollo. You're a God." I reached my hand back to find his long length against me and lightly stroked him._

 _He hissed in my ear, and before I knew it flipped me on my back and moved between my legs._

 _"_ _A God hmmm…?" He smirked at me as his hands ever so lightly caressed down my sides teasing me. His jade eyes burned into mine, and I lifted my hand to trace along his chest to the tattoo on his bicep._

 _"_ _Oh yes…my God…my Apollo." I smiled at him and bit my lip as his hand made its way to my center._

 _"_ _Ugh." I closed my eyes and thrust my hips into his hand as he slowly stroked me with one then two fingers. I grabbed on to his taught arms, reveling in the feel of his muscles beneath my fingers._

 _"_ _I'll show you a God…" He whispered huskily and chuckled as he bent down to take my nipple in his mouth and flicked it with his tongue. I moaned again and thrust my hips into his hand. My hands shot to his hair as I felt his hot tongue and breath on my nipple. He was slowly burning me from the inside out._

 _"_ _But I'll make you scream my name." He said sexily and my eyes shot open as he pulled me to him by my hips, and I moaned in expectation. He was poised to enter me; his strong muscles tensed in perfect flexion and I couldn't look away from the smoldering in his eyes._

 _He bent down to kiss me and at the same time powerfully pushed into me, filling me with pleasure and I cried out._

 _"_ _Edward!"_

 _He pressed into me again, and the sensation was so exquisite my mind was in overload._

 _Then he stopped and sat back, and I looked at him again._

 _"_ _I might be your God, but I'm not your boyfriend."_

I shot up from my bed.

 _Holy shit what was that?_

My pajamas were once again soaked, and my body was poised like a live-wire.

Jesus. That's two dreams in less than a week about him. About Edward.

But this one disturbed me more than the last. I ran my hands over my face as I sat there thinking about the last words he said.

 _But I'm not your boyfriend._

Shit. Was my subconscious trying to tell me something?

Yeah Bella, it's trying to tell you that you are dreaming erotic dreams about one man while you're dating another.

I fell back in the bed and rubbed my eyes again. What was I going to do? I was obviously feeling things for Edward to the point that I was considering breaking things off with James.

I looked over at the clock to see that it was ten to six. I decided to get up and go for my run.

I tried to ignore the thought that maybe I would see Edward in the park.

No, I should go the other way today; try to get away from thoughts about him and clear my head.

I decided to run to the west side today and go through Riverside Park. I made my way to the white marbled sailors and up to Columbia before looping back down and toward home.

The entire time I thought about how mad I was that James was in business with Laurent. I knew I really shouldn't be mad. He was right. His partners just assigned their cases and he had to take them. It was almost as if I was looking for an excuse to be angry with him.

Not to mention his reaction to the flowers and to me talking to Seth Clearwater. He obviously cared about me, and that realization made me feel something I hated to feel.

Guilt.

Pure and simple.

 _God, I am so mind-fucked lately. What is my problem?_

Ever since Edward walked into my life I had been in a state of distress. This is ridiculous. I have to think through this.

Ok, make a list. Pros and cons. I instantly thought through all of the things that were positive and negative about James and all of the same about Edward. When it boiled down to it, I simply didn't know Edward very well. Thus, I couldn't throw away something that could possibly be good for something that I didn't know at all.

My run helped me clear my head, and I decided that today I would make amends with James and try to enjoy my night tomorrow night. I would do everything I could not to think of Edward. I needed to think about my relationship with James after a night of just spending time as the two of us, not with my mother and Phil around.

For the first time in five days I had a bit of resolve and I readied myself for the day.

Yes, I was not going to think about Edward today.

*&^%$#

Thursday night rolled around and I was more tense than ever. My attempts not to think about Edward were for naught. Every time I walked through the Greek and Roman exhibit, I thought about Apollo. Again on Wednesday night I had a dream about his sweaty, perfectly muscled body doing the most ungodly, or Godly depending how you looked at it, things to me. And liking it. Too much.

Crap.

James was going to be at my place in thirty minutes, and we were planning to grab a few drinks and some tapas at a place near the club before going to _Dawnbreak._

I had taken Friday off because I wanted to spend the day with Charlie. I also wanted to go to Brad's resting place and talk to him. Maybe it would help me clear my head.

I paced around my condo, wine glass in hand, and thought about my night ahead.

Should I just break it off with him, or should I go out and give it a chance?

What if he wants to come home with me again tonight? He's definitely going to know something is up if I refuse him.

And if I do break it off what do I tell him?

Fuck, this is so hard. I hated to disappoint people, and I hated letting them down.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and I walked over quickly with my heels clicking on the floor. I was wearing my black sequined one-shoulder dress and black stilettos. It was another find that Alice had snagged for me long ago for a bachelorette party of a friend of ours.

I flung open the door expecting to see James on the other side, but I was met by a large figure.

"Oh." I gasped, and he smiled at me.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you, but I was literally hoping you might have some garlic powder I could borrow." He laughed.

"Um…sure. Come on in." I opened the door to let in the stranger from the elevator the other night.

"Thanks. I was making Italian for my girlfriend and realized I was out." He shrugged and smiled his dimpled smile. For some reason I felt at ease with the stranger and motioned for him to come in further.

"Well, it's essential for anything Italian. Let me just grab it." I walked to the kitchen and shuffled through my cupboard when I heard him ask me something from the living room.

"Nice place you have here. Mine wasn't quite so well maintained, probably the reason I got such a good deal on it. I am hoping to fix her up a bit." He said. He had a loud booming voice, but it was friendly and comforting, like an uncle or something.

"Yeah, it was one of the reasons I got it. I don't think I could have fixed one up myself." I handed him the garlic and he smiled and made his way to the door.

Just then I heard a knock, and I knew that had to be James. We strode to the door and I opened it to find James on the other side. He looked instantly angry and I realized my neighbor was standing right beside me.

 _Shit._

"Hey." I leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek and opened the door wider.

He just glared at my neighbor and the two exchanged an almost heated gaze.

"Um, James this is my neighbor…I'm sorry, I don't think we ever exchanged names." I said to him.

"It's all right. It's John. John Emerty. And you are?" He smiled.

"Bella. Bella Swan." I shook his hand, trying to make it obvious to James that he really was my neighbor and nothing else.

"Well Bella, thanks again for the garlic. Now I can make my girlfriend's favorite and do it right." He laughed but I could tell he included that bit for my benefit.

"You're welcome." I smiled.

"I'll just show myself out." He nodded toward James, but the two still shared an intense gaze.

After he left I turned to James who had a dark look on his face and shut the door behind me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but already knowing the answer.

"Well, I don't fucking like coming over to my girlfriend's place to find another man here." He said curtly, but the look in his eye was vicious.

"James, he's my neighbor. He knocked on the door five minutes before you did to borrow some garlic."

"Right." He snorted. "You're so fucking naïve Bella. You think he couldn't have gone to someone else's door?"

"I saw him in the elevator the other night; he just moved in. I am probably the first person he has met." I shrugged trying to calm him down.

"I don't care. I don't want to see another man here." He stepped closer to me, and I instantly stepped back.

"James, it was nothing. Let's just forget it and go." I stalked past him toward the counter where my clutch and keys were sitting, and I could hear him breathing behind me.

He didn't say a word as we made our way down the elevator and out of the building.

Why was he so jealous? I couldn't figure it out. I had done nothing to make him think ill of me.

 _Except thinking about your Apollo every waking minute._

Guilt instantly washed over me and I realized how it probably looked with John in my condo. I was dressed up to go to a club and here was another man there when my boyfriend arrived.

We climbed in the cab and I turned to look at James.

"I'm sorry. He really was just there to get some garlic. It wasn't what you think." I whispered.

He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. "I know. I just don't like seeing you with another man. That's all."

"But I wasn't _with_ him." I shook my head.

"Let's just forget about it and try to have fun."

I nodded. I didn't know how much fun I was going to have tonight anyway. We made our way out of the cab and into the tapas bar to grab a seat. We ordered margaritas and tapas and James seemed to lighten up. I sipped my margarita, but even with the help of the tequila my body wouldn't relax. I was tense. I knew it was because I felt like I shouldn't even be here.

As we finished our tapas, I realized I was pretty tipsy and ordered a glass of water. I didn't want to be drunk tonight, especially if I wanted to go home alone. I just couldn't go home with James tonight, and I didn't need alcohol impairing my thinking.

We paid our tab and walked down the block to _Dawnbreak,_ and there was a line around the corner. From what I knew, it was a new club that was all the rave in Manhattan. Apparently the owners had several clubs like it in Europe and it was their first in the States. It was supposedly very dark and had a sensuous vibe to it. The outside was simple brick exterior, like so many of the clubs in the area, and it had a stark red sign with the name and dark black double doors as an entrance.

James of course walked right up to the bouncer, bypassing the line and we made our way in. The few times I had been clubbing with him he always knew how to get us in.

 _Must be a perk of his business affiliations._

We made our way through the bumping beat and the throngs of people. The interior was dark with black and red sheets hanging from the ceiling. There were acrobats spinning and flying with the red sheets in the air. The dance floor was already packed, and I could see red velvet couches lining the walls. The place screamed sex and mystery. There were dark corners everywhere and the few lights came from small floor lights, the bar and the dance floor.

James grabbed my hand as we wove our way through the bar to the VIP area. He apparently had a small table reserved. We sat down on the velvet couch in the darkly lit area and the hum of the club was buzzing around us.

He leaned into me and ran his hand over my shoulder and down my arm to my leg.

"Did I tell you how sexy you look tonight? I seriously want to rip this dress off of you." I could feel his hot breath on my neck, but I wasn't turned on by it. If anything I cringed a bit. I could tell he had much more to drink than me at the Tapas bar.

 _What the hell is wrong with me? This is your boyfriend._

"What would you like to drink?" He whispered.

"I'll take a glass of red. Whatever they have." I smiled at him but it was forced. The whole night just felt off. The way it started, the anxiety of the situation and now this overly sexed club we were at.

He pulled me closer to him on the couch and I crossed my legs and hands tightly over me. He flagged a waitress and she returned quickly with our drinks. I tried to divert the conversation to a number of topics, but James was being much more handsy than normal, and I was having a hard time getting him to focus on talking.

Just then he looked up and I saw his eyes follow a man in a cream colored suit. He looked like a foreign businessman or something. He had dark black hair which was slicked back and beady eyes. He was scanning the room and when his eyes rested on James he nodded his head ever so slightly.

"Bella, I need to talk to someone for a moment. Stay here." It was an order not a request, and I was a bit taken aback. Where was I going to go? I was here with him and now he was leaving me? But I just nodded and sipped my wine, almost welcoming the reprieve from the situation.

I let my eyes follow him as he disappeared with the man in the suit and then looked down at the dance floor. I could see the couples pulsing back and forth. This place was like sex on wheels, but it was overdrive. Something about it just felt creepy, and I couldn't explain it. It was incredibly dark other than the lights on the dance floor. It was difficult to see in the corners of the VIP and for some reason I constantly felt like I was being watched.

I turned to grab my wine when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

"I see you still drink the good red…Bella." His voice sent a quake of dread up my spine, and I looked up to find dark brown eyes, a wisp of dark hair and a devilish grin.

Shit. What was Demitri doing here? And of course when James is talking to someone.

 _This night just keeps getting better and better._

I shifted uncomfortably and pulled down my dress, instantly unnerved by the way his eyes were traveling down my body.

"Demitri. It's been a long time." I said as calmly as I could.

"Too long." He raised his eyebrows and moved to sit next to me.

"My boyfriend is sitting there." I blurted out as I grabbed my wine to have something to hold on to.

"Oh, I don't think Mr. Raven will mind sharing."

 _What the fuck?_

My mind was immediately running. How did he know James? And why would he say something like that?

I reeled back but tried to collect myself. My eyes darted around me, hoping for James to reappear and at the same time looking for anyone to make eye contact with to help me. I hadn't seen Demitri since I reported him to campus security almost eleven years ago. He still gave me the creeps and I did not want to talk to him.

What the hell was he doing here now?

"I think you're wrong about that, Demitri. James doesn't like to share." I said as confidently as I could and then took a large swallow of my wine.

Demitri reached out and ran his hand down my arm. I shivered and pulled away from him. "Oh, I have known James for a long time, and one thing is for sure." He bent over and whispered sinisterly. "He always saves some for me."

I had to fight back the bile in my throat. I was breathing heavily now, and I just wanted to leave. The club gave me the creeps and Demitri was making me incredibly uneasy.

I stood up abruptly when I saw James walking back into the VIP and I marched over to him.

"I'm ready to go." I said to him through clenched teeth. I was angry and uneasy and I just wanted out of there. I didn't know how he knew Demitri or what he was talking about, but I needed to leave. Immediately.

He looked at me then and I could see his eyes were glassy.

 _Was he high?_

"Baby, why do you want to leave already? The party is just starting." He slurred at me and tried to pull me into him.

"I said I want to go home, James." I turned and marched out of the VIP and made my way down the stairs toward the door. The club was busy now and I had to fight my way through the crowd to get out.

I could hear James calling after me and I didn't care. I was done. I didn't know what Demitri meant, but I knew I couldn't date him after tonight. Something about the whole situation was off, and I knew I didn't have feelings for him the way I should. Not to mention he never should have put me in that predicament.

I pushed open the door and ran toward the street and flung my arm up for a cab when suddenly I was spun around and someone was pulling me away from the street.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" James snarled at me and I was instantly terrified. He roughly pulled me into the alley next to the club and my arm was screaming in pain from his grip.

"James, stop, you're hurting me." I yelled.

"I don't know what you think you're doing but you are mine Bella, and I don't fucking want you leaving or talking to other men."

"Are you fucking kidding me, James?" I was seething with anger now. "It was your friend Demitri who came up to me. Someone who I happened to have a restraining order against years ago." I said through clenched teeth.

His eyes were so glassy; I couldn't tell if he comprehended anything I said or not. I was scared to death of him and I could see that dark look on his face.

"I'm not talking about Demitri. I will do whatever the fuck I want to with you. I am talking about all the men you have around all the time. You little whore. You think I don't know?"

 _What? What was he talking about?_

"What are you talking about James?"

"The neighbor, the guy before pizza, your little co-worker. You think I don't know." He grabbed my arm again and I winced in pain and stepped back only to find the brick wall behind me.

I was terrified now. This was not the man I was dating. James had shown a jealous streak, but he was a clean cut guy in every other way—until tonight.

My body went rigid, and I couldn't decide if I needed to scream or just try to diffuse him. I decided to try the latter.

"James, get your hands off me." I said in a low even voice, even though my chest was heaving.

"Not in your lifetime." He said as he pressed his body into me, and I could smell the tequila on his breath.

I pushed my hands against his chest, but he didn't budge.

"You are drunk and high, James. I am going home."

"The fuck you are." He said pressing even harder into me, and now I could feel his arousal against me.

 _He was getting off on this. Are you fucking kidding me?_

"I think you heard the lady. Step back." Suddenly a velvet voice pierced the air. I would know that voice anywhere, but right now it was hard and cold.

I glanced around James and tried to see him. But I couldn't see where he was.

 _Did I just imagine that?_

"I said. Step the fuck back." His voice was menacing now and I turned my head in the direction it came from. He was in a shadow of the alley and I could barely make out his silhouette, but nothing else. I couldn't see his face at all. I couldn't think or move. Where the hell did he come from? And how was he _here_?

James stepped back a bit but turned and spat at him. "Oh? And who the fuck are you?"

"Your worst nightmare if you don't step the fuck back, and let go of her arm." He said darkly. He didn't move. Not even an inch. I still couldn't see him, but I could instantly feel the electricity radiating from him.

James stepped back, and I shifted toward the street.

"Go." He said coolly to me this time.

I just nodded and hurried to grab a cab. I looked over my shoulder to see James yell something at him, but I didn't hear it. My heart was thumping furiously, and adrenaline was coursing through my veins as I jumped in the cab. I could no longer see down the alley and before I knew it the cab sped away.

My body was on fire, my breathing labored and my mind racing. I couldn't comprehend the last thirty minutes. James' accusations, the interaction with Demitri and his claims, James' reaction, it all seemed like some crazy dream sequence.

Then Edward. He literally saved me from what could have been a very bad situation, and my body was like a live wire once again. I couldn't understand it all. My mind was filled with questions.

Where the fuck did he come from? And how did he know where I was or what was happening to me? Why did James back off so quickly? Why didn't he show his face? Was he in the club too? What was he doing there? He didn't seem like the club type.

The cab pulled up to my condo building and I hurried inside. I was tense and agitated and looking over my shoulder from the altercation.

Not only did I feel like I had been hit with a ton of bricks yet again from one interaction with Edward, but now I was back to square one with my questions.

I knew he was an FBI agent. I knew he had special skills based on what Jasper had told me. But something in my body was telling me there was more to this. More to him. More to me. More to us and the interactions we had.

Once again I was back at my thoughts from only a few days ago. I jumped in the shower to try to calm my nerves and scrub myself from the dirty feeling I got from the club and my altercation with James.

The weight of the bricks on my shoulders felt heavier than ever, and one question kept rolling through my mind.

 _Who the fuck are you Edward…or Apollo?_

 **XXXX**


	8. Chapter 8: Going Under

**Chapter 8: Going Under**

 ** _Without You by Hinder_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I took off out of the alley. My mind was racing, and I was pissed at myself for almost getting exposed. Thank God Raven was so fucking high he couldn't remember me if he wanted to.

 _That motherfucking…_

Even as I ran I was consumed with rage for what he did to Bella. I could see the fear in her eyes. She hid it well, but I knew from the moment she walked into the club that she didn't want to be there. And now, even though it would be a complete violation of my mission and my orders, all I wanted to do was find out if she was okay.

Fuck! What is it with this woman? Why did I have an unyielding need to protect her and comfort her?

I sped around a corner, ducking into a doorway and waiting to see if I was being followed at all. Once I was convinced I was clear, I slithered along in the shadows before making another left to get home. All I wanted to do was get to my apartment in Hell's Kitchen. I was sure no one was following me, but after a few more turns I was finally comfortable with going home.

I climbed the stairs of the old warehouse to the loft that had been renovated. To say that my new apartment was better than the one in Romania was an understatement. Still, I almost felt more comfortable in a seedy place when I was undercover. The seedier the apartment, the less attention I could draw to myself. At least this one didn't look like anything from the outside.

I hurried into my door, ripped off my mask and threw my keys down on the granite countertop and instantly began pacing.

I knew I was stupid. I had been stupid all week. Hell since last Friday—the first day I saw _her._

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vodka to pour myself a drink. I knew I blew a huge opportunity tonight by not staying with Nelo, but I couldn't let that fuckwad put his hands on Bella anymore.

I paced around the living room thinking back through each of my steps from the past week. I knew I was close to blowing my cover—twice. But at the same time, part of me didn't care and that scared the shit out of me. My whole life was my job, my missions, my…redemption.

I downed the vodka and went to pour another as I continued pacing. My brain settled a bit from the seeping of the alcohol, and I was finally able to slow down and think through my interactions since Monday.

 _On Tuesday I went for a run in the evening. I had spent most of the day trying to once again focus on my mission and get Bella out of my head. But of course it was to no avail. The number she gave me was burned in my brain and every time I looked at a phone, at a phone booth or people talking on their cell phones on the street, all I could think of was dialing that number and hearing her voice._

 _Of course at 5:00 I found myself heading for the park to go for a run. I made my loop up the west side and came back down on East Drive. My rational brain was screaming at me that I was just trying to catch a glimpse of her, but I chose to ignore it. It was hot that day so I hadn't worn a shirt, and in all honesty that was probably planned by my subconscious._

 _I was running down East Drive when I saw a familiar figure walking ahead._

 _What the hell is McCarty doing here?_

 _I knew he would be contacting me eventually as a potential buyer for biological weapons, but I didn't think he was slated to be in New York yet._

 _He didn't see me, or if he did he didn't let on, but I was pondering the situation nonetheless._

 _Suddenly, I collided with someone and stopped abruptly. I grabbed onto the arm of the person falling, and heat instantly burned my hand. I knew it immediately._

 _You have to be kidding me._

 _"_ _Oh". She stumbled, dropping her raincoat and umbrella, and I couldn't stop my eyes from following as she bent down to pick them up._

 _Holy…_

 _I shook myself from my daze and refocused. I gave her my patented smirk._

 _"We really need to quit meeting like this. You really are clumsy, huh?" I joked._

 _Her eyes raked over my body, and I felt like I was on fire just from her brown orbs on me._

 _Shit. I can't run with a hard on!_

 _"Um…yeah...I guess I forgot to tell you just how clumsy I am." She smiled but her eyes continued downward._

 _I knew my body was in peak condition from all my training in Romania. Still, it felt good to see her breath catch and her eyes travel downward. Especially since it was_ her _eyes._

 _But after a while I became a bit worried. Her eyes glazed over and I could see we were, as usual, moving toward one another._

 _"Bella? Are you okay? I didn't hit you in the head or anything did I?" I frowned, and then realized I was holding on to her arm longer than I should have in public. I quickly glanced around to see if anyone was watching us. This really could be a chance meeting in the park, but I didn't want it to appear like more. I took my hand from her arm, instantly missing the connection._

 _"Uh…no…really. I'm fine. A bit dazed is all. I'm sorry I am so terrible at paying attention, and I keep literally running into you." She smiled._

 _I gave her a small smile and then abruptly pulled my Oakleys down._

 _"It's fine. I'm just glad you are okay." My hand twitched, wanting nothing more than to run it along her creamy skin again._

 _"Sorry to stop your run." She said almost shyly. "I always hate it when that happens. I should let you get going."_

 _God. I wanted to kiss her, to pull her pouty lips into my mouth and suck her sweet…_

 _Wait, what the fuck was I saying? We were in a public place! I stepped back once again, trying to maintain my distance and make it appear like I didn't know her._

 _Then I saw her eyes glance at my tattoo and I groaned inwardly._

 _Did she like my tatt? Why could I almost feel her fingers on me? Her lips on my neck and down my back over…_

 _Fuck._

 _"I should be going." I smiled remorsefully, and she bit her lip in response._

 _Fuck, Schoonheid, stop with the lip!_

 _"Yeah. See you around." She whispered._

 _With that I nodded and made my quick exit before my brain or body could do something differently. Even so, I could feel her eyes burning into me as I took off down East Drive._

 _What the hell was I going to do?..._

My mind brought me back to the present and I sipped my drink and continued pacing. I needed to focus on something other than Bella. I thought about my mission once again and my focus now that I was officially back under cover…

 _On Wednesday I had my big field meeting before I truly went back under to make contact with Nelo._

 _After spending two hours trying to lose anyone who could possibly be following me, I climbed in an unmarked car at a warehouse in Queens only to be driven to the next contact point and finally to the New York Field Office._

 _I was brought in the back door of the field office with two agents who I had never met. They led me to a conference room at the end of a hallway. Of course as I strode past the offices and counted my steps, I noticed the names on the doors. Special Agent Garrett Morgan was the head of the New York Field Office. I also noticed a press office, another SA's office, and a smaller conference room._

 _At last we strode into the large conference room, and I noticed it had been set up with various white boards, pictures, debriefing notes, and bios on multiple members of the Draconi organization._

 _I immediately noticed both McCarty and Seth Clearwater were already there._

 _"_ _E, it's about time you made it." McCarty's booming voice echoed off the walls, as he slapped my back._

 _"_ _McCarty, it's good to see your ugly mug again. How was your week off?"_

 _"_ _Eh you know, women, wine and gambling. The usual." He joked. Although I knew it was unlikely he did any of those things. McCarty wasn't much of a drinker. He never had more than a few beers any time I was with him or even when fellow agents prodded him. His father was an alcoholic, and he didn't want to be like him. But he was an Irishman from Boston, so he would have a Guinness or two._

 _More importantly, I knew he wasn't much of a lady chaser or a gambler. His humble beginnings made him very tight with his money. And unlike several of the agents we went through training with, I never saw McCarty with a woman. On the night we completed training, and McCarty actually had a few more than normal, he told me that he had been engaged when he worked in Boston. He thought he had found the love of his life until his fiancé Bree was killed in a car accident. It was the event that caused him to finally apply for the FBI. I think, like me, he felt like he didn't have anything left. Undercover work really wasn't the profession of a family man, and many of us undercover agents were actually introverted and lonely souls._

 _I shook Clearwater's hand, still curious to learn more about my new partner and how our arrangement was going to work. Then I glanced around the room to find two other agents. One was a very attractive woman with strawberry blonde hair and light blue eyes. But she looked tough, hard, like I wouldn't want to cross her even with my enhanced skills._

 _The other was a man with a short ponytail, but he was outfitted in full FBI attire. He looked like he could handle himself but still seemed warm at the same time._

 _"_ _Cullen. Garrett Morgan, it's nice to finally meet you. I have heard a lot about you." The man with the ponytail gave me a knowing smile as I shook his hand._

 _"_ _This is SA Tanya Ivanova. She's been under here in New York for the last year and a half as well. She has had the inside track on the human trafficking ring from the New York organization."_

 _"_ _Cullen, good to meet you." She said in a thick Russian accent._

 _"_ _Ivanova? Are you originally from Russia?" I asked as I shook her hand. She seemed nice enough. I had never worked with a female undercover agent before._

 _"_ _Da, St. Petersburg, but my family left when I was fourteen, shortly after the wall fell." She nodded._

 _The Berlin wall I assumed. Of course that meant shortly after communism fell and most of Russia was in shambles. I was sure she had seen some horrible things in her childhood._

 _"_ _St. Petersburg is a beautiful city." I stated._

 _"_ _It is now." She nodded and confirmed my suspicions._

 _We sat down to begin the briefing on the New York mission. In front of us on the conference room table were files and files of Draconi organization men and women. Many of them I already knew. Of course there were the brothers who were the godfathers of the organization, Stefan and Vladimir. But also many of the men and women all the way down the line. I had met some of them in Romania, and then there were several that were part of the New York operation._

 _I knew of Corin, Felix, Demitri, and Nelo. Gianna Marcova was the madam of the girls taken in through Dawnbreak and then to other undisclosed locations. Demitri, the organization's most known assassin, other than me of course, had a counterpart in a man named Afton who was more of an enforcer. He was a manipulator and brought the threat of the organization to the people who owed money or other things._

 _Mostly, it appeared that the Dracs had three essential businesses: women, guns and drugs. The brothers made all final decisions and Corin helped to put it into action in Romania. I saw the businessmen coming in and out of Poarta Ardeal and had cased the Romanian side of the organization._

 _The real question was how they got the contacts for the shipping of the commodities, and of course how they brought them in to the States and then distributed them. Today, we would hopefully review everything we knew about the organization and fit together the pieces from my debriefing as well as Clearwater's and Ivanova's._

 _"_ _Well, as you know, tomorrow officially begins our mission in New York to take down the Draconis. All of your work so far has given us a lot of information." SA Morgan handed out a packet to each of us which included the breakdown of each of our contributions and how the puzzle pieces of the organization fit together. After we were debriefed last week, our inside analysts took all the information to synthesize it. What we had before us was a clean, quick version that we could read without having to take it with us undercover._

 _I read it all once and committed it to memory. But it appeared that the Dracs were using a contact at a shipping company to bring in the commodities. It wasn't determined yet which company or who the contact was, though there were some leads. They somehow cooked their weights and books to reflect a normal shipment when in reality they were bringing in an estimated two thousand guns, thousands of pounds of coke and heroin and over two hundred girls per month._

 _The goods were likely delivered to one of the Dracs many warehouses in either Brooklyn or New Jersey. From there distribution was down the chain of command of the organization. Though in honesty, if we wanted to bring down the top, we needed the big connections. That would be part of my job._

 _It also appeared they recently began to dabble in bio weapons. Ivanova was to continue monitoring the girls and the human trade. She was the right hand woman of Gianna and had worked herself into a position to see how many girls came through, where they were from, where they were sent, and who bought them. Eventually the FBI would prosecute the buyers as well, but first we aimed to stop the supply._

 _Clearwater had also worked himself into a position as a buyer and seller of the drugs in New York. He and I would become partners as a means to help the organization expand its bio weapons connections._

 _Although I was still posing as an assassin, once I met with the brothers I was to pitch them an offer. I would "meet" Clearwater, or actually, Sean Carroll, and determine that we wanted to help them expand this part of the organization. I was to pretend to be the cold, heartless, money-seeking killer and Clearwater wanted to simply move up in the organization. As part of our scheme, McCarty would pose as a businessman interested in buying and distributing the weapons to the highest bidder. Of course, if we actually got our hands on any weapons it would be the FBI on the purchasing end, and hopefully we would have the means to track their sources as well as prosecute the players._

 _The real issue was where they were getting the weapons from. This was also part of my mission. Since I was proposing to help expand this part of the organization, I needed to get close to the sources._

 _I flipped through the debriefing and looked at the names of potential contacts and members of the organization. Two names struck me immediately. A man named Laurent appeared to be the contact for the shipping of the goods._

 _He was the VP at the Van Rijn Corporation, which was unnerving because my family held considerable stock in that company. One of my great-great uncles was actually the CEO of the Corporation in the twenties. I also recognized Laurent's name because I saw him in Romania. I heard his name referenced by both Felix and other members of the Romanian contingent because when he visited it was a big deal, and Corin was always on edge._

 _The analysts hadn't determined if Laurent was using Van Rijn to help transport the goods or if he was using other contacts from his vast knowledge of the shipping industry. This was another aspect we were to explore._

 _The second name that jumped off the page at me was James Raven. It was well known that Foster & Wheaton was a firm that dealt in the underground. When we took down the Volturis almost five years ago, we knew the firm handled most of the contracts and real estate deals for several of the illegal organizations. The problem was, the actual contracts and deals were legal, even if they were working for the scum of the earth. Additionally, we didn't want to dismantle the firm because we could easily use their filings and associated clients to run constant cross checks with the organized crime rings. _

_Raven, however, was a name I had heard in Romania. I had never met him, and in the picture in the profile he had dark hair and eyes. However, his face looked eerily familiar. I knew that face and it was bugging the hell out of me that I couldn't remember it because I could always remember everything._

 _I read through the fifty page briefing to get up to speed on where we were at with the investigation. I was to make contact with Nelo either tomorrow or Friday and "meet" Seth on Saturday. McCarty was posing as John Emerty and he would not become a part of our operation until a few weeks out, once I gained favor with the brothers._

 _Even so, we were all going back undercover tonight. I would be moving into my apartment in Hell's Kitchen, Clearwater on the Lower East Side and McCarty on the Upper West Side._

 _As I finished the briefing, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease with the mission. Something was off about it, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Something just didn't feel right._

 _"_ _Ok, you all have your orders now, do you have any questions?" Morgan asked._

 _"_ _When do you want us checking in? How often, what manner etc.?" McCarty asked._

 _"_ _We will have you brief every two weeks. More often than that could seem suspicious if you disappear for half a day, and farther out we might not be making the connections we need to."_

 _"_ _Do we have any idea of the potential bio connections they have?" I asked. "I realize this is part of my job to determine the connection but I'm kind of flying blind here."_

 _"_ _I realize that. All I can tell you is that it's likely they are bringing them in from abroad. The other potential option is that they somehow have a connection with a pharmaceutical company here and are buying the goods and making the weapons. We haven't seen any indication of that with an organization like this before. Generally, they just want to run them, not spend the money making them, but we can't rule that out as of yet."_

 _"_ _Do we know of any buyers of previous shipments?" I asked this time._

 _"_ _Unfortunately, no. This is one aspect of the organization the brothers have been very good at keeping under wraps. Your job is going to be quite difficult Agent Cullen. But that's also why we are bringing in McCarty to act as a potential buyer. Once we see how they handle the transaction we might be able to go back over their other transactions to track potential bio weaponry." Morgan finished._

 _I nodded. I was not only going to be an assassin this time around, I needed to be more to them. I needed to make myself essential to their organization._

 _After five hours of briefing we broke and McCarty decided to hit the gym. I had already run that morning; likely in a veiled attempt to see Bella again, although I wouldn't admit that to myself._

 _I took the opportunity to get to know Clearwater, especially since we were partners and I was going to be working with him a lot over the next few months. Once we made contact in the organization we were to pose as becoming very good friends. But after speaking with Clearwater, I determined I wouldn't be posing much._

 _Morgan had ordered in lunch and Clearwater and I sat looking through the briefing materials as well as the numerous other files Morgan brought in for us to gain some background reference on the many players in the organization._

 _"_ _So, how does a Washington guy end up in Brooklyn?" I asked him as I took a bite of my pastrami sandwich._

 _"_ _Work." He shrugged. "My parents grew up on a reservation in La Push, Washington. We're Quiluete Indian but there isn't much there for jobs. So when they were eighteen they decided to elope to New York. A couple of friends came with them too. My Dad and his buddy went to the police academy and my mom got a job as a secretary and helped put him through school. Eventually they got married and decided they loved their neighborhood in Brooklyn." He shrugged._

 _"_ _That's a pretty great story." I smiled._

 _"_ _Yeah." He said quietly and then looked down. I thought I should ask about my suspicions._

 _"_ _Is your Dad still a cop?" I asked tentatively._

 _"_ _No…" He blew out a breath. "He was killed…on 9/11."_

 _I nodded. It was as I suspected. And for the second time in a week I found myself talking about Eric without even meaning to._

 _"_ _My brother was killed that day too."_

 _Clearwater looked at me and his eyes said it all. He understood. He was here for the same reasons as me._

 _I knew from that moment on I wasn't going to have to pretend to be his friend undercover. We understood each other. Simple as that._

 _Just then McCarty, Morgan and Ivanova came back and we finished our briefing. Finally around 8:00 that night I made my way via multiple exchanges back to the Essex. I quickly packed up and checked out. I was ready to be living in an apartment even if it was in Hell's Kitchen._

After a number of changes again Wednesday night, I was standing at the door to my apartment. It was fully furnished and ready for me to move in. I couldn't do it any other way…

I looked around, taking it in one more time. The high exposed ceilings and windows, the brick walls and the billowing curtains made it homier than anywhere I had lived in the last eleven years. It was the type of place that, had I not been undercover, I might have considered buying. It was much nicer than my usual abodes. But here I was also expected to be a well-paid assassin. Just like the change in appearance, I needed to have a better place to stay. Even if I never planned to bring anyone here.

I sipped my drink, unsure what to do. I was finally settling down and let myself think about tonight at the club. I was to make contact with Nelo, but I learned that Ivanova would also be at the club. I just wasn't sure if I would see her…

 _I had donned my new black suit, black shirt and my aviators. I wanted to look like I was clubbing tonight, even though I wasn't. I was officially becoming Emil Mazzonn again and I had to look the part. I also slipped on my gun and my thin mask in case I saw someone tonight and had to get away. Tonight would be the only night I would use the front entrance._

 _I arrived at the club around 10:00 and went directly to the VIP line._

 _I could tell the bouncer was Romanian. The Dracs all had a certain look about them, and he was no different. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothes. Just plain dark._

 _"_ _I'm here to see Nelo." I whispered in his ear in Romanian. He nodded and immediately let me through and whispered back to go to the VIP room and handed me a card._

 _One thing I knew about underground organizations like this, there were certain names that were not tossed around lightly. From my briefing I had learned that Nelo was the "owner" of the club, but his real name was Leon. Anyone who worked for the organization would know that I wouldn't know Nelo's real name, or ask to contact him, unless I had been invited._

 _I walked into the dark club, the music already blaring and the bodies thumping against one another. It was startlingly similar to Poarta Ardeal. It was dark, very dark, and had red and black sheets, acrobats, red couches and an ominous feel about it. It was meant to ooze sex, just like the Romanian club. But the club-goers wouldn't know any different from another hot night club in New York. They wouldn't know what went on in the back rooms or in the underground "holding area." I had to ward off a shudder at the thought. I was here to work; I had to have my game face on tonight._

 _And I did. I slipped back into my old façade. With a cold, hard, calculating and a business first attitude I went to the VIP room and took a seat in the darkest corner I could find. I was instantly focused on my mission._

 _Even though it was incredibly dark in the VIP room, I left my sunglasses on and used the moment to take in the place. With my advanced vision, I could see a couple at the other end of the room. She was awfully close to him when I realized her hand was down his pants._

 _I looked away and continued to scan the room when a man in a cream suit with dark hair and beady eyes walked in._

 _This must be Nelo._

 _I knew it from the moment I saw him. Whether it was gut instinct or training I didn't know, but sometimes you just knew when you looked at a person._

 _He must have seen me as well, or at least been directed to where I was sitting, because he started walking over. He was tall and had a long gait. He was obviously the master of his domain, and he wanted me to know that from his approach._

 _"_ _You asked to see me?" He said in Romanian._

 _"_ _Da." I nodded and looked around to ensure no one could hear me._

 _"_ _I am the agent de distrugere." I responded lowly. I took off my glasses and our eyes locked. He must have seen a picture of me and noticed that my once brown eyes were now green. I simply shrugged._

 _"_ _You're to meet with them. Sunday. Come here. 6 A.M. Don't be late. Use the back." He said, still in Romanian, as he motioned to a waitress._

 _"_ _Two Tuica…and Kristina." He said with a smirk._

 _"_ _Enjoy." He smirked again and downed the Tuica he had in his hand and set it on the table and left._

 _A girl who couldn't have been more than nineteen strode up to me. She looked terrified._

 _Fuck. I couldn't refuse her. At the same time I had to fight the bile that was rising up in my throat._

 _As I was pondering how to handle the situation without raising any suspicions to either Kristina or more importantly Nelo, a sudden glimpse of sequins caught my eye._

 _My whole world stopped because standing before me, was not only a goddess, but it was my goddess, and she was on the arm of James Raven._

 _Fuck! My brain was screaming at me. I knew it from the moment they walked in. The feeling I had the day before when I saw his picture wasn't unfounded. I had recognized him; he was the man at the theater with Bella the night of Les Mis._

 _My mind instantly started racing. Shit. Did she know who he really was? Did she know about the Dracs?_

 _I swallowed._

 _Fuck. Was she in on it?_

 _My heart was pounding and I was glad I had my sunglasses and was in a very dark corner because I slipped them back on. Kristina was by my side and running her hand up my thigh. I knew she was just doing as she was told, and I didn't want her to get hurt._

 _"_ _How about a drink first?" I said to her and she looked at me puzzled. I slid her the Tuica and put my arm around her. But all the while I was watching Bella and my mind was racing._

 _I could be in serious trouble if she was connected to the Dracs. She knew my real identity; she could expose me like no one else._

 _But as I sat there with Kristina feeling me up, sipping my Tuica and trying to keep myself calm, I could see it in her eyes. She didn't want to be here. In fact she looked highly uncomfortable even as fantastic as she looked._

 _She was glancing around nervously, obviously unnerved by her surroundings._

 _Suddenly, I was convinced of it and breathed a small sigh of relief. No, she didn't want to be here. And that told me she didn't have anything to do with the Dracs._

 _And then something happened that almost made me come out of my seat._

 _He was all over her._

 _Her boyfriend._

 _Fucking James Raven, attorney at law to the Draconi crime family._

 _Touching her, kissing her neck, whispering in her ear and smirking at her. He was looking at her like she was a piece of meat and I wanted to rip his head off. Some primal part of me came roaring to life._

 _She was mine. I wanted her. And I couldn't deny it. Every part of my being wanted to rip him away from her._

 _I could see she was uneasy and he wasn't even registering it. How could he bring her here? Was he stupid? Did he think she would like it? Did she know what goes on behind and under this club?_

 _He pulled her closer to him on the couch and she cringed as he ordered their drinks. Did she not like him? Was it because of me, because I definitely knew I wanted her? I couldn't deny it anymore. And here I was in the worst possible position, undercover and seeing her out and unable to do anything about it._

 _I sat there seething; my breathing labored and Kristina scooted closer to me._

 _"_ _Are you okay?" She asked tentatively in her thick accent._

 _I turned just briefly to look at her and she looked afraid._

 _"_ _I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well. It's not your fault." I said. I knew I didn't want to get her in trouble, but I also didn't want Bella or Raven to see me._

 _I could see her trying to deflect his hands a bit, crossing her legs awkwardly and shifting. She was sipping her wine and trying to appear entertained._

 _Suddenly, Nelo walked back into the VIP and scanned the room. He locked eyes with Raven, and I saw him nod. Raven said something to Bella and followed him back._

 _"_ _Why don't you go get another drink?" I said to Kristina and she nodded._

 _I took deep breaths as she stepped away and sat there taking in Bella. How could he leave her? How could he ditch her in this place? She looked both uncomfortable and pissed at the same time, and I couldn't blame her. Here she was, a beautiful woman dressed in an absolutely smoking black dress and he leaves her to the vultures._

 _All of a sudden, another man entered the VIP room, and I saw him zone in on Bella. I instantly stiffened._

 _Fuck._

 _It was Demitri._

 _He strode over to Bella like he knew her and now my instincts were on high alert. Did she know him too? Maybe she was involved with the Dracs?_

 _This is so not happening. Shit._

 _But as he said something to her she stiffened, and fear instantly flashed across her face. It took everything I had to not jump up and go save her._

 _She shifted and said something to him and he responded. She jolted back, obviously taken aback by his statement. I could see the look of incredulity on her face._

 _She tried to set her resolve, but I could see her hands shaking. She was not friends with Demitri, and something told me still that she wasn't involved with the Dracs. But I was still fearful._

 _Then he touched her and she winced and shivered and I gripped the side of the chair with so much force, I could feel my fingers almost breaking._

 _My mind was reeling. Why couldn't I do something to protect her? Why couldn't I just whisk her away from him?_

 _At that moment, Raven and Nelo returned and she jumped up from the couch and marched over to him. She was pissed, and I instantly thought of a way to make my exit. I took the napkin on my table and pulled out a pen and wrote a quick note thanking Nelo for Kristina's services so that she wouldn't get in trouble._

 _As I glanced back up I could see that Raven was glassy-eyed and unsteady._

 _Was he high? Did he go back and get high? I was sure the drugs were plentiful; they were in Romania._

 _She said something to him with a set jaw and spun on her heels and marched out of the VIP._

 _He chased after her and without another thought so did I._

 _What the fuck was I doing? I couldn't chase them. I couldn't be exposed._

 _I quickly thought of another option._

 _I descended the stairs and looked for a side exit and slipped out the fire door to the alley. As soon as I was out I took off walking at the fastest pace possible without running._

 _Were they fighting?_

 _He wouldn't hurt her, would he?_

 _Fuck, what am I doing?_

 _You can't expose yourself._

 _At once, I thought of something else. I took off my aviators and slipped on my mask. In my right coat pocket was a syringe of tranquilizer for exactly these types of situations._

 _I slipped along the alley when I could hear shouting ahead of me, and I was careful to stay in the shadows. My mind was racing and my heart was pounding. The killer in me wanted to rip him to shreds. I could tell it was his voice._

 _"_ _What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Raven shouted and pulled her into the alley._

 _"_ _James, stop, you're hurting me." Bella yelled and I could see he had a hold of her arm. I was rooted in my position because I knew if I walked any further I would kill him._

 _"_ _I don't know what you think you're doing, but you are mine Bella, and I don't fucking want you leaving or talking to other men."_

 _What? Was he talking about Demitri?_

 _"_ _Are you fucking kidding me, James?" She screamed. She was pissed, but I could hear the fear in her voice as well. "It was your friend Demitri who came up to me. Someone who I happened to have a restraining order against years ago." She said._

 _A restraining order? What the fuck?_

 _So she did know him…but not through the Dracs? I was instantly concerned. She had a restraining order against him? Shit. Demitri was bad news; I couldn't imagine how their paths had crossed previously to cause that._

 _I slowly crept forward and I could see from my vantage point that James was high and enraged. I was fearful for Bella, but I needed to try to let her handle it. I couldn't expose myself if possible._

 _"_ _I'm not talking about Demitri. I will do whatever the fuck I want to with you. I am talking about all the men you have around all the time. You little whore. You think I don't know?"_

 _"_ _What are you talking about James?" She was obviously astounded by his claim._

 _"_ _The neighbor, the guy before pizza, your little co-worker. You think I don't know?" He grabbed her arm again and she winced in pain and stepped back against the brick wall. I was only a matter of yards away, but again I bristled._

 _If he fucking hurts her…they'll never find his body, I swear._

 _I could see she was terrified, but was trying to keep her cool._

 _"_ _James, get your hands off me." She said in a low even voice._

 _"_ _Not in your lifetime." He said as he pressed against her, pinning her. I clenched my fists, willing the spots before my eyes to go away, but I was mere seconds from losing it._

 _"_ _You are drunk and high, James. I am going home."_

 _"_ _The fuck you are." He said and pressed further. I knew he wasn't going to back down; he was crazed now._

 _Before I even knew what I was doing, the words were out of my mouth._

 _"_ _I think you heard the lady. Step back." I said coldly._

 _That's right fucker; get your hands off of her or I will rip you to shreds._

 _I could see her trying to look for me, but I remained rooted in the shadows. I knew from the distance that she probably couldn't see me, but I could see them. I had my mask on as well._

 _But the fucker didn't move and I stayed solid in my stance._

 _"_ _I said, Step the fuck back." I seethed. And finally she looked to my position. I could see the fear and the relief in her eyes, but I knew she couldn't see me._

 _Raven stepped back a bit but turned to me. "Oh? And who the fuck are you?"_

 _I almost chuckled to myself._

 _If you only knew what I could do to you Raven. I could snap you in two in seconds. But unfortunately I can't risk it._

 _"_ _Your worst nightmare if you don't step the fuck back, and let go of her arm." I said, still steadfast._

 _He finally stepped back and I spoke again, to Bella this time._

 _"_ _Go." I said to her coolly._

 _And don't ask questions or say my name._

 _She just nodded and hurried to grab a cab. Raven was swaying in his spot and began to advance on me._

 _I pulled my eyes back to him as he spat at me._

 _"_ _What the fuck? That was none of your fucking business. She's mine." He slurred._

 _"_ _No, she's not. Not anymore. I doubt she will want anything to do with you after that." I said coolly. I needed to somehow get out of this situation without him seeing me._

 _I remained rooted as I responded._

 _"_ _No one is yours. People can't be bought and sold."_

 _"_ _Ha." He laughed darkly. "If you only knew." And he began walking towards me. I remained in my position._

 _I didn't respond to his comment and instead gave him a warning. His only warning._

 _"_ _Keep coming and you will regret it."_

 _"_ _Whatever. Do you know who I am? I could have ten guys out here before you can even squeal like a fucking pig."_

 _"_ _I doubt that."_

 _"_ _Try me." He pulled out his cell phone, and in a flash I was on him. The cell phone flew across the alley._

 _In his drugged up state, he was barely able to react as I maneuvered and flipped him around._

 _I had him in a headlock, with his face turned away. I wanted to snap his neck. I could have killed him in ten different ways in that moment, but my training as an agent took over. I just needed to incapacitate him. I considered the syringe in my pocket, but I didn't want to leave a trace._

 _Instead I pressed him against the brick wall and growled right in his ear._

 _"_ _If I were you, I would pick on someone your own size next time. And I would stay the fuck away from that woman. She's way too good for you, you miserable fucking excuse for a man."_

 _With that I smashed his head against the wall, just enough to knock him out but not kill him._

 _He slumped and I dropped him to the ground. I immediately looked around for any sign of other persons, cameras, or security. And I was off._

I thought back to my interaction with Raven and Bella over and over. Something in me just couldn't let them walk out. Something told me she was in trouble and I had to protect her.

I wasn't sure how much she knew or if she knew at all about the Dracs, but I definitely needed to find out. And not because of my own personal interest, but because of my mission now as well.

I flexed my hand and looked down at my knuckles. I had scraped them on the brick in my altercation. Although part of me couldn't deny the excitement that raced through me as I was pacing through my living room, part of me was reeling at what I might find out.

But she even told me at Alice's that they weren't very serious. Maybe she didn't know? She was from a family of cops and like me she had lost her brother. She couldn't be involved with organized crime. And she knew I was an agent.

I stopped.

I thought about what she had said before she left the cab on Monday.

 _If you ever want to talk or anything…_

 _Maybe another night…._

Fuck. I couldn't be considering that.

But I had to find out if she knew anything and how much?

I was positive she didn't. Based on her reaction to the club, her unease with being there and her reaction to Demitri, I didn't think she knew about Raven's underground connections.

But I should be sure, right? That was part of my job.

I knew deep down that wasn't why I wanted to look into her. I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than _look_ into her. I shook my head and pushed my lustful thoughts away. I needed access to the internet and to a pay phone. I needed to find out more about her background.

I was still on Romanian time and even if I wanted to go to sleep I wouldn't be able to. I had been home for about two hours and figured it was safe to go back out. I changed out of my suit and donned my black shirt, black pants, boots and hat and loaded up my Glock before I left.

I made my way to an all night internet bar and paid with a fake credit card for service. I made sure no one could see what I was surfing and instantly googled her name.

Bella Swan.

A number of links came up, but the first was on the Met. She was the director of the internship program. I read her bio and it confirmed many of the things she had told me. But I also saw the dates of her degrees; she was likely in her early thirties.

The next link took me to an obituary. It was of her brother.

Bradley Charles Swan, June 12, 1976- September 11, 2001. There was no grave listed, just a memorial for several of the cops from his precinct. He was two years older than me, a cop in Brooklyn and her father was a cop. Apparently her parents were divorced and I was struck when I saw who her step father was.

 _Phil Dwyer? As in the former Mets player?_

I clicked on a link listing her as part of an art organization at NYU and several others mentioning her in Met press releases. She was in communications before she was the director of the interns.

I clicked on the next link and saw an article about volunteer work she did through New York Cares. There were pictures of her with kids, family members and survivors of 9/11.

I stopped. There was no way she could be involved with the Dracs, right? She was just too good of a person. Should I contact Morgan and have him run a background check on her?

Or could I go see her?

Fuck! I can't go see her, and I definitely can't go to her home or to the Met. But yet I had to in order to rule out her involvement. So where?

I looked at the date listed on the bottom of the computer screen.

June 12.

I thought for a moment and went back to the obituary of her brother. What are the chances she would go to his memorial? Maybe I could follow her.

I shut down the computer and noticed that it was almost five in the morning. I made my way out of the internet bar and instantly had an idea.

 _If you ever want to talk or anything…_

But I couldn't just call her, and especially not at 5:00 in the morning.

Before I knew it, I was making my way to another all-night store.

 _Thank God New York is the city that never sleeps._

I paid for two pay-as-you-go-cell phones, but put $500 on each account to cover any upcoming calls.

I knew I shouldn't be doing this. But I had to. I had to talk to her, and it wasn't just for me, I did have to know for my mission this time.

I made my way to her apartment building and found a vantage point. It was early so it was unlikely she would be up for a while.

So I waited. And the rational side of my brain screamed at me once again that I was a stalker and this was wrong. It screamed that I couldn't buy a phone like this or risk my cover. But the thought of not speaking with her again and not knowing was so overriding that I barely heard it.

So I waited.

*&^%$#

I sat in the shadow of the alley across the street from her building. It was ten in the morning when she finally emerged. She was obviously not going to work today, and I wasn't sure if it was from the night before or because today was her brother's birthday.

I knew I was always worthless on Mijn Broer's birthday. I was sure it wasn't much different for her.

She looked tired and drawn, and I wanted nothing more but to wrap my arms around her and comfort her. She looked the worst I had ever seen her.

Her worst, but still unbelievably beautiful. _Mijn Schoonheid._

I shook my head as she turned to walk down the street, and I followed discretely.

She made her way to a flower shop on Broadway, and I knew I no longer needed to follow her. She _was_ going to the memorial today. I could see it on her face.

Instead of tailing her, I gave her plenty of distance and made my way to the memorial as well. I remembered it from the obituary.

I had never been to Eric's tombstone. Probably because I knew he wasn't there. We didn't even have a burial. We had a service, but like so many others, it was weeks after the Towers fell when they finally determined that he was indeed gone and there was no body and no remains. It felt so disconnected. It didn't feel like a funeral, just a random memorial of someone I didn't know. There was no last sighting. No opportunity to say good-bye.

As I boarded the subway to Brooklyn I sat back and thought about one of our last nights before he died…

 _"_ _Oh this is the best E. Life doesn't get much better than this."_

 _"_ _I know Eric. I hope Mom and Dad always have this place."_

 _"_ _Me too."_

 _It was the last weekend of the summer in the Hamptons. I would be starting law school in a week and Eric had been working at Reycon for two years._

 _We were laying outside on the deck chairs, sipping beers listening to some Led Zeppelin through the speaker system and just staring up at the stars. I could hear the waves crashing in the distance and the warmth of the summer breeze trickled across my skin._

 _"_ _How's Eliot doing?" I asked my brother tentatively. Eliot was now seven months old._

 _He sighed. "I fucked up E. I didn't think I would want to be a part of it all, but I do. I just…I panicked, and now I don't know how to make it right with Angela. She's so pissed at me, and she's convinced she doesn't want anyone to know about it."_

 _"_ _Do you think maybe I could talk to her? I mean she knows I know right?"_

 _He exhaled again and looked at his beer. "I don't know E. I was such an ass. I can't believe it, and then…" He blew out another breath. "I went to the hospital when he was born…" He trailed off._

 _"_ _Really? I didn't think you had gone?"_

 _"_ _Yeah. Not for the birth, just to the nursery." He whispered and sat up and looked at me. "He was just so…" He shook his head._

 _"_ _So what?"_

 _"_ _So tiny, so perfect. I don't know how to explain it…but the moment I saw him, I knew he was mine. I just felt like such a failure because all I was going to do was give her money, and now I want to be a part of it and she doesn't want anything to do with me."_

 _"_ _Have you thought about taking it to court? You are the biological father, you have rights to him." I stated._

 _"_ _No. I don't want to do that. I fucked up. I just keep hoping I can make her come around. I want to know him; I don't know how to explain it…" He trailed off again and looked out toward the beach. I could tell something was really bothering him._

 _"_ _What's eating you Eric?"_

 _"_ _I don't know. I wish life was easier sometimes." He sighed. "I want to know him, but I don't want him to be anything like me."_

 _"_ _What? Why? What's wrong with you?" I sat up. We knew where we came from, and we knew how lucky we were to grow up as privileged as we had. I couldn't understand where this self-loathing came from._

 _"_ _Can you just promise me something E?"_

 _"_ _Sure, anything." I looked at him quizzically._

 _"_ _Can you…I mean, if something ever happens to me…will you make sure he knows I loved him. That I wanted to be there."_

 _Eric's words struck me. I was very against him not telling my parents and Alice, but he was insistent and so was Angela. But he would do anything for me, and I would do anything for him. I just couldn't understand his sudden dark mood._

 _"_ _Of course, Eric."_

 _He exhaled again and nodded. "You're such a good person E. So much better than me. Just be you and don't be like me either, okay? You can do so much more. I just know it."_

 _"_ _Okay." I nodded but I still couldn't figure out what was going on with him._

That was the last night I saw him. And ever since then those words "you can do so much more" rang through my head.

The subway came to a stop in Brooklyn and I hopped off. I was giving Bella some lead time to the memorial so I decided to take a detour. I swung down a side street and found a pay phone outside a little barber shop.

I hadn't been very good about calling him this week because I had been so busy transitioning. And if I was being honest, I was too busy thinking about Bella and trying to sort out the torrid emotions running through my body.

I dialed the number as I had so many times.

"Hello!" A young voice said from the other end, and I could tell that Eliot had picked up the phone.

"Hey squirt. How are you?"

"Uncle E! Mom, it's Uncle E."

I chuckled on the other end of the phone as I heard Angela say something to him.

"Uncle E, are you in Miami?"

"Yeah buddy, back to catching bad guys."

"Cool!"

He launched in to telling me about his latest x-box game, his new friend from baseball and his drawing class.

"And Uncle E, I made you a drawing can I send it to you?"

Shit.

"Uh. Sure Eliot. But I am moving in a few weeks. Why don't I call your Mom and give her the address when I get my new one. I want to make sure it gets there." I covered.

"Okay, cool."

"Hey buddy, I have to go. But I will call again soon okay."

"Okay, bye Uncle E."

"Bye Eliot."

I clicked off the call and sighed. Why couldn't Eric have been the one to get to have this relationship with his son?

Eric was right. I wished life was easier sometimes.

*&^%$#

I made my way to the memorial and quickly scanned it for her long chestnut waves. It was only a small memorial located in a Roman Catholic church cemetery not far down the street from the precinct. I spotted her at the top of a hill. She was sitting next to a tree with her arms crossed over her knees, and I walked until I was about thirty yards away and stood behind a larger tree.

I could see her talking and wiping tears away every so often. Then I would hear her laughter lilt through the air.

Why couldn't I do that?

Why couldn't I go talk to Eric and laugh and think about our antics growing up or in college?

What I wouldn't give to be able to do that even if he wasn't here.

And _why_ couldn't I do it?

But I pushed those thoughts aside as I prepared to do what I came here for. I needed to make contact with her. But I didn't want to do it in an open area like this.

I glanced at her again, simply taking in her beauty in the sunlight. She must have taken the day off from work. I'm sure I would have done something similar if I were normal. But I wasn't normal, and I was instantly reminded of that when she shifted. Even from the distance, I could see the bruises on her arm with my enhanced vision.

I bristled and a low growl erupted in my chest. I wanted to kill Raven for hurting her.

At that moment, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I needed answers. I needed to find out if she was involved with the Dracs and how involved she was with Raven. I needed to know what he meant to her and what she knew. I needed…something.

I dialed her cell number from one of the pay-as-you-go phones and it rang.

At the same time I could see her shuffling through her handbag for the phone.

She looked at the phone and frowned, but answered it.

"Hello?"

I breathed in. After all that planning I couldn't figure out what to say to her. She could be being traced or followed if she's involved with Raven. And yet here I was, simply mesmerized by the sound of her voice.

"Hello?"

I glanced up to see she looked confused, like she was going to click off the line any second.

"It's me. Do you know who this is? Just answer yes or no?"

"Yes…" She breathed and I looked at her as she was talking. A small smile crossed her face and I couldn't help but smile to myself.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." She stated and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can you do something for me?" I asked then.

"Yes."

"Just trust me." _Please. Because I have to see you and I have to know your level of involvement with Raven or I am going to go out of my mind._

"I do. But…"

"Don't ask any questions." I stopped her. I could see the confused look on her face.

"Okay." She said furrowing her brows. I thought for a moment where to meet her. Where could we go that we hadn't been seen before but could be coded over the phone?

Suddenly I had a thought. The Apollo statue. The theater. She would get it right? I could at least try.

"Meet me at the _remarkable_ theater." I said tentatively.

"Okay…" She drew out her answer. I could see her thinking through it in her head.

"Do you understand?"

"Y-yes. Yes…when?" Suddenly realization crossed her face.

"Same as the first show. I'll find you. Do you understand?"

"Yes." She nodded as she answered.

"It's good to see you." I said and clicked off the line.

Her eyes popped open, and she instantly spun around looking for me. She looked back down at her phone and back up again. I knew she couldn't see me, but I could see her. Her chestnut waves were dancing in the breeze.

Yes, _Mijn Schoonheid._ I will see you soon.

*&^%$#

I returned to Manhattan, ridding myself of the first phone along the way. That evening I made my way to Harlem. I bought a third pay-as-you-go phone in Harlem and waited patiently until the late show was set to play at the Apollo Theater.

I waited and I watched once again for her to arrive. There was a James Brown orchestra playing, and I bought two tickets and left one at will-call for her. I hoped she would be intuitive enough to understand. But somehow I knew she would.

Finally I saw her exit a taxi, and I drew a deep breath. She was breathtaking as usual, in a deep purple silk top, her hair flowing down her back and dark denim jeans which showed her perfect figure. She really was exquisite and for as much as I hated Raven, I could see why he was so consumed with jealousy over her.

She walked into the theater and stopped. I watched as she pondered how to proceed and eventually went over to will-call. I waited in the darkened stairway until she ascended.

She settled into her seat, two rows from the top in the very back. The show had already started, and the seat location and the theater provided an ample amount of darkness while the orchestra belted a mixture of James Brown tunes.

She sat down in the seat assigned to her, and I moved to the seat behind her. No one was watching from what I could see. But I could see her raise her shoulders and her breath quicken as I took my seat.

I leaned forward and clasped my hands in front of me. I wanted nothing more than to touch her. I wanted to touch her hair, touch her creamy skin that was luminescent even in the dark theater.

Finally I murmured to her.

"What is he to you?"

She reeled back again and turned to look.

"Don't turn around. Stay forward."

She drew a breath and nodded lightly.

"He's nothing. Not anymore." She whispered.

"What _was_ he?" I asked while constantly glancing around, making sure no one was privy to our conversation. However, the closest couple was at least seven rows in front of us.

"He was, um, my boyfriend, but nothing more. It's over. I don't want to see him again. Not after last night." She said it with so much conviction and I swallowed in satisfaction.

"What do you know about him?"

She shook her head, seemingly confused. "I don't know what you mean?"

Her answer was so heartfelt. It made me almost positive she didn't know. But I needed to probe further.

"Where does he work?"

"He's an attorney. I don't understand, why do you…"

"I have to know. For your safety and for mine."

She nodded. "He's an attorney…at Foster & Wheaton…but that's all I know." She shrugged.

I sighed. "Good." I said, finally appeased.

I could again feel the heat radiating off of her, the electricity humming between us. It was as if we were the only two people in the world even though we were in a theater of hundreds of people.

"Why? I mean, why were you there?" She asked quietly.

"I can't tell you that."

She nodded, placated, but then whispered again.

"Are you okay? He didn't do anything to you did he?" She questioned anxiously.

It took all I had not to laugh, but I knew she was asking because she cared. Would this woman ever cease to surprise me? She was attacked and she was worried about me, a highly trained agent.

"I'm just fine. I can take care of myself." I whispered a little closer to her ear this time. I could see goose bumps shoot up her neck and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her.

"I'm glad…I was…worried about you." She whispered back. Even in the darkness I could see the tinge of red run up her neck and her cheeks.

"I was worried about _you_." It came out before I could even think or feel. I could see her gasp and the electricity intensified between us. I again looked around to see if anyone was watching us.

"I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't be here, but I can't stay away from you." I murmured.

My words lingered out there for only the briefest moment before she responded.

"Then don't." She whispered assuredly.

Warmth shot through my body and my draw to her was even more overwhelming. I knew then and there, I had to be in contact with her; I had to have…something. I really couldn't stay away from her. I couldn't _not_ see her.

Before I could change my mind, I did something I knew I shouldn't. I gave her my answer in the only way I could. I slipped the third phone in her purse without her noticing. I knew no one could track it to me, and I needed to be in contact with her. I had to hear her voice and I had to know she was okay and that he wasn't going to come after her again. I knew that she didn't have anything to do with the Dracs or even know about his links to them. I knew it with every fiber of my being.

Instead, I wanted to take her up on her offer. I needed her in some form. I was drawn to the warmth she radiated; the apparent sun she was to my dark, dark world.

 _If you ever want to talk or anything…maybe another night._

The words ran through my head over and over. Then I did something I had wanted to do since the first time I saw her. I leaned forward, the coffee and vanilla and berry of her hair penetrating my senses. I could feel her uneven breathing and see her chest rising and falling.

I reached down and lightly ran my fingers through her silky chestnut tresses and she shuddered. Her breathing labored and I leaned down next to her ear to see her. She was facing straight ahead but her eyes were closed.

I caressed her hair; the feeling of her silky strands in my fingers was like nothing I had ever felt. I pressed my nose to the back of her head and inhaled deeply one more time while closing my eyes. I wanted to burn her scent into my memory.

" _Mijn Zon_." I whispered and then kissed the top of her head and she shivered again.

With that I let my fingers trail out of her hair and I stood up and slipped quietly out of the theater.

I reached into my pocket and grabbed the second phone and quickly sent her a text with my answer. No, I wasn't going to stay away from her. Against all my better judgment and my rational brain telling me not to, I simply couldn't.

I closed the phone and swept myself away into the New York night. But somewhere deep in my soul, I knew my life was irrevocably changed. The darkness which had consumed me for the last thirteen years didn't seem so dark anymore. I might be back undercover, but for once, I felt like I was coming out of the darkness and into the light. My feelings were so aptly reflected in the words I sent to her.

 _Mijn Licht. Ik kan niet. Ik ben van jou._

 **XXXX**


	9. Chapter 9: Contact

**Chapter 9: Contact**

 ** _Every Breath you Take by The Police_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

 _Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou._

Oh my God. What just happened?

My chest was heavy, and I felt like my body was tingling, everywhere. The sounds of the orchestra playing through the famous theater had nothing on my breathing.

I kept looking at the text over and over again.

 _Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou._

His words echoed in my ears. His lips were burning into my scalp, and I was shivering and on fire at the same time.

 _Mijn Zon._

I wanted to sprint from the theater so I could find out what it meant. Yet, my legs were stiff and locked in their position. Part of me knew I didn't need to run, so I stayed entranced as I looked at the message and heard his words in my ear.

He wanted me.

As much as I wanted him. I was almost sure of it.

And he was willing to risk everything to come here to tell me that.

But why?

Slowly, as if in a daze, I got up from the seat and made my exit. I gripped the railing of the staircase. I hailed a cab, jumped in and immediately gave the driver directions. As I sat there, I thought back on the last twenty-four hours of events.

I was angry and hurt and exhilarated all at the same time when I left the club. I was pissed at James, upset over the encounter with Demitri, and my senses were heightened from the run-in with Edward. I slept fitfully and as the night progressed, I became more and more worried about Edward. I knew he was an agent. I knew he could probably handle himself, but I was still worried.

 _What if James had one of his buddies from the club come outside?_

 _What if James went off on him in a drugged up rage?_

Thinking about James just made my blood boil. I had never been so angry and scared in my life.

I knew he was possessive and jealous, but I never thought he would put his hands on me. Nor did I think he would get high and leave me to fend for myself in that disturbing club. An eerie feeling crept into the pit of my stomach. Something about my encounter with James and the way Edward turned up made me think he was involved in something bad. I never suspected anything like that before last night. But as soon as the entire night unfolded, my eyes were opened _._

I was done with him. He had called today and left me voicemails, but I didn't return them or listen to the messages. The second he grabbed my arm in the alley, I was done with him. I always vowed I would never let a man put his hands on me like that, especially after everything Kate went through.

 _God, how could I have been so stupid?_

 _How could I have been dating such a decrepit person without knowing it?_

Then I thought about all of Alice, Jasper and Kate's warnings. They couldn't have known something could they? Kate dated Laurent, and James worked with Laurent, but they have been broken up for years.

 _Of course, James is in business with Phil._

The thought made me shudder, and I wrapped my arms around myself as the cab bumped down Columbus Avenue. I hoped I never saw James again.

The day was already hard enough. It was Brad's birthday, and I had planned on taking the day off long before the events of last night. I spent the morning at his memorial and then the rest of the day with my father at a Yankees game. Of course I was in a cloud after Edward's phone call and could hardly pay attention to my father who kept shooting me odd glances while we were at the baseball game. I was in a state of amped anticipation for meeting Edward later.

I should have been creeped out by the fact that he was at the memorial. But somehow I inherently understood that he was back undercover, and he couldn't meet me in public places. That must have been why he didn't show his face last night. As soon as he said "the remarkable theater", I had to think for a moment. But of course the remarkable comment made me think of only one thing.

 _Apollo._

 _Of course. How clever._

I had gone home after the Yankees game and hit the gym downstairs since I had been too fearful to go for a run this morning. I even spent an hour trying to decide what to wear when I finally realized we weren't going on a date or anything, so I had simply put on some jeans and a blouse.

Once I arrived at the Apollo I'd determined that he likely got me a ticket so that he could find me and made my way to will call. Sure enough, there had been a ticket for the back of the theater.

As the cab rumbled along, the bounces and dips only made my overly excited senses all the more alive as I continued thinking about what had transpired tonight.

I didn't have to turn to look at him when he walked in the theater. I could feel him. I could feel him from the moment I entered the theater. He was there. It was like a magnet or electricity just pulling me to him.

 _What the fuck is it with this guy?_

I knew on some level it was pure and raw attraction, but I had felt that before. This…this was something else. It was almost seismic. It was like a shift of tectonic plates crashing together, and whenever we were near each other my body shook like in the midst of an earthquake.

 _But I couldn't help but wonder, why me? Why him? Why this? Why us? Why now?_

 _Was it the uncanny amount of similar interests? The same life-changing event that we had in common? Or was it something else?_

I was sure he felt it; whatever it was. And I was positive of it after tonight.

I ran my fingers through my hair relishing in the memory of him doing the same only minutes ago. My body lit on fire when he touched me. My skin broke out in chills when he whispered in my ear, and I trembled to my very core when he pressed his lips to my head.

I looked back down at the phone he had slipped in my purse.

 _Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou._

 _What does it mean?_

At that moment, the cab halted to a stop, and I quickly paid the driver and exited the car.

Was he going to call me?

Was I to call him?

I didn't think so. Also, for some reason, I knew I shouldn't mention this to anyone. He could be in danger. He's undercover. I might not be trained as an agent, but I wasn't stupid. I knew he was taking major risks by being in contact with me. Hell, he probably took a major risk by helping me last night.

Which brought me back to my question? Why? Why did he help me?

I hurried into the building and pressed the button for my floor when I heard someone else come in after me.

The elevator dinged, and I rushed inside. I had been tense all day after my interaction with James and, to be honest, a little paranoid about people behind me.

But then I heard a deep calming voice call to hold the elevator.

I looked up and smiled. "Hi John." I said as I held the door for him.

"Hey Bella. Thanks for holding it for me. You looked like you were in a hurry." He said.

"Um, yeah. Sorry about that, I guess I overreacted a bit." I bit my lip and looked down.

"You okay? You look a little pale." He asked, peering at me.

"Tough day."

"Ah." He nodded, but I could feel him observing me out of the corner of his eye. "You want to talk about it?"

I smiled impishly, but I really just wanted to go home to my bed and sort things out in the dark.

Or lay there anyhow, like I had for the last week.

"Not really, but thanks for the offer."

"Anytime." He smiled.

The elevator was quiet until it dinged at our floor, and I stepped out and offered him a good night.

I slipped into my apartment and readied for bed, even though I was wired and knew it would be hours before I could sleep. Instead, I poured myself a glass of wine and fired up my laptop on the breakfast bar.

I tapped my fingers nervously on the granite and waited for it to load when there was a knock at the door.

 _It's 11:00 at night; who could that be?_

I strode over to the door and looked through the peep hole to find John on the other side. He was holding the garlic from the other night.

I unlocked the door and opened it a crack.

"Hey John, what can I do for you?"

"Sorry to disturb you. I was hoping I could catch you before you went to bed. I just wanted to return this." He handed me the garlic, and I smiled and nodded.

"Also, I just wanted to make sure that I didn't make your boyfriend mad or anything last night." He furrowed his brow.

"Hmpf. Well, we don't have to worry about him anymore." I rolled my eyes, anger instantly rising to the surface.

John looked at my arm closely and then looked back at me. "Bella, did he hurt you?" He asked as a dark cloud covered his eyes.

"It's nothing, and it doesn't matter now because we're over. I will never see him again if I have anything to do with it."

He nodded, still with an angry look on his face.

"Well, you let me know if he ever comes around here or anything, or if you are ever in trouble okay? I'm just down the hall." He motioned.

"Thanks John, I appreciate it."

Suddenly I heard a phone ringing, and I looked at him quizzically. He returned my expression, and that's when I realized it wasn't my cell phone. It was the other phone.

"I'm sorry John, I have to get that. Have a good night."

"You too, Bella."

I hurriedly closed the door and ran to the counter to grab the phone as I flung it open breathlessly.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey."

He sighed.

"So you got my message?"

I thought about it for a moment. I got it, but I didn't know what it meant.

"I did but…I don't know what it means."

"It means…it means I don't know what I am doing…" He trailed off.

 _Okay…_

"But I need to talk to you…I just…I need to hear your voice, to have contact with you or something."

"You can talk to me whenever you want to." I said assuredly, but I was so confused. What was it with this man?

"That's the thing. I can't…I mean…talk to you whenever I want to…I shouldn't have done this. We shouldn't use our names either okay?" He said quickly.

"Okay…" I trailed off this time. "But you want to talk?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes." He breathed.

I settled onto the stool at the breakfast bar and logged into my computer. I had to know what he meant by his phrase, but I needed to look at it to type it in, and I was holding the phone.

"Can we…have a code or something then?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"For our names."

"Just call me E."

"E." I breathed…but then something sparked in me, and before I could stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth I stuttered. "But I would rather call you Apollo."

He chuckled on the other end of the line. "Apollo huh? Why?"

"Well…tonight and…the first time I met you." I said quietly.

"It was actually the second." He joked and I could feel the tension ease a bit. I laughed lightly as I opened my web browser.

"So if you're Apollo, then who am I?" I asked this time.

"Hmmm. I would say Daphne but then that would mean we are doomed from the start."

 _Doomed? Is he saying what I think he's saying?_

"Well, we don't want that now do we?" I responded.

"No. No we don't." He said quietly, and I could feel the mood shifting once again.

"Are you sure you are okay?" He asked once again.

"Yes. I am okay. It's over. I never want to see him again." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Good." He blew out a breath on the other end of the line. "You can't call me…or rather…I won't always have this. I will call you. That's if…can I? Call you?"

"Anytime." I said without even thinking.

"I…" He trailed off and was quiet for a moment.

"You what, Apollo?" I threw it in for good measure, and I heard him inhale on the other end.

"I want to see you…but…God, what the fuck am I doing?" He grumbled. "But I'm not supposed to, and I don't know if I even can." He finished.

"You do what you can." I stated.

He paused and I could feel the tension as thick as a blanket wrapping around me once again. But I didn't want to respond. I had to know what _he_ was thinking.

"Do you feel it?" He finally asked.

 _Yes, I feel it. I have felt whatever_ it _is since the first time he touched me at Gray's._

"Yes." I breathed and he sighed on the other end.

"Then soon _Mijn Zon_. Soon." And with that, he clicked off the line.

I stood there staring at the phone. Once again my breathing was labored, and I felt like my body was on fire.

 _Shit, all I did was talk to him._

I immediately pulled up Google and found an online translator. I was biting my lip and fire was coursing through my body as I typed the words in. But what language was it?

It wasn't Spanish or French; I was sure of it. Then I thought about Alice and the Cullen family heritage.

 _Dutch?_

I clicked on the pull down menu and selected Dutch as the translation and hit submit.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I quickly typed the other phrase.

 _Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou._

My light. I can't. I'm yours.

I gasped. _Oh my God!_

I sat back in the chair and just stared at the screen as his words and his actions from earlier ran at a rampant pace through my mind. I thought of how he had whispered his words, how he had been so close to me that I could feel the heat from his body, how every time he touched me it was like I was burning, but in a good way. I could feel his lips on my head and his fingers in my hair, and I instantly knew what he was trying to say. It was the same thing I had been feeling since Monday night. I couldn't deny it; it was more than attraction. It was something else…more.

And it was all so mind-bogglingly fitting. He said "Mijn" with "Zon" so what was Zon?

I quickly typed it in.

 _Mijn Zon._ My sun.

Apollo.

God of the Sun.

My sun.

Holy fuck.

When he said he couldn't stay away, it was because he really couldn't; no more than I could stay away from him. It was like gravity, pulling us together. All the sightings over the last week, all the commonalities, I told him not to stay away and this was how he had responded.

 _Mijn zon. Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou._

My sun. My light. I can't. I'm yours.

*&^%$#

I lay in my bed until at least four in the morning. I had to volunteer in a few hours and yet my mind wouldn't turn off and wouldn't go to sleep.

Edward's words, Apollo's words, kept running through my head over and over.

I just ended a bad relationship with an apparently bad man. Did I want to start something, whatever it could be, with him?

Yes. Yes I did. But could I was the question. He's undercover. Did that mean it would be some sort of secret relationship?

I was almost certain it would.

I had a million questions and a million emotions coursing through me. I needed to talk to my girls. I needed to find out about James and also find out what I should do about Edward.

 _Yet, you can't tell them about Edward can you?_

Shit. He never said so explicitly, but I was almost certain of that as well.

I needed to see him. I needed to talk to him, in person. I needed him to answer these questions. What did he want from me? Did he want more? _Could_ he have more?

I finally got up around seven after dozing for a couple of hours. I once again prepped my materials and made my way to Brooklyn for my art class with Angela.

Zafrina had emailed me earlier in the week to tell me about Ben. She found out a whole lot more information about him. Apparently he was not only the science teacher, but he coached one of the older baseball teams as well. I knew Angela's son Eliot loved baseball, and so I figured we could try to set them up. I had a plan of action for today, and I was hoping it would work.

I walked into the rec center and to our classroom to begin setting up for the day. Suddenly a high-pitched voice screeched and giggled from the hallway, and a mop of blonde hair followed by a dark brown one tore into the room to hide behind the door.

Angela walked in only seconds later shaking her head and looking exasperated.

"Eliot, Diego, can you say hi to Miss Swan?"

Eliot and his friend both giggled and waved at me.

"Hi." They chorused.

"Hi." I laughed. "What are you two doing?"

"Hiding." Eliot giggled, and Angela rolled her eyes.

"They don't have practice today, so I thought they could just sit in on our class with us. I hope you don't mind?"

"Of course not, Angela."

Eliot walked over to me. He and his friend Diego were still in a fit of giggles.

"You work with my Mom?" He asked.

"Yes. I help her teach the class."

"But you don't look like a teacher." He said while still giggling about something.

I looked into his big blue eyes, and I couldn't help but notice a striking resemblance to something or someone I knew. But just as I was about to say something Diego started laughing too.

"It's because he likes you. He thinks you're pretty." Diego said and I felt myself flush.

"Okay boys, why don't we let Miss Swan get to work?" Angela raised an eyebrow at them, and they both made their way to the back of the room where the art supplies were.

I decided it might be a good time to change the subject. Zafrina had told Ben to swing by our classroom and I was hoping Ben would come by soon. It was all about timing.

"I was wondering if you wanted to do lunch again today?" I asked.

Before Angela could answer, and as if almost on cue, I heard a voice in the hallway. A man with dark brown almost black hair and glasses walked in.

"Hello?" He said as he walked into the room carrying a box of supplies. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was told this was my room."

I had to contain my grin. Zafrina had held up her end of the bargain.

"No, sorry. This is one of the art rooms. But are you Ben?" I asked.

"Yeah." He smiled nervously, and I glanced at Angela who looked like she was in a trance.

 _This might be easier than I thought._

"Well, Ben, I'm Bella and this is Angela. We teach one of the art classes."

He nodded, and Angela smiled shyly.

At some point I was finally able to get them both agree to go to lunch with Zafrina and I and directed Ben to his room. Angela was in a fog for the rest of class, and I couldn't help but smirk at our matchmaking abilities. I didn't usually toy with it, but they were both shy and very nice and I just wanted to help a friend out.

By the end of the morning the four of us took a still giggly Eliot and Diego to lunch while Ben and Angela made goo-goo eyes at one another. I couldn't help but be a little bit jealous of their natural attraction. They even exchanged numbers with one another before leaving. Zafrina and I winked at one another for a job well done.

As I rode the train back to Manhattan, my mind drifted to Edward.

 _Was our attraction or draw, or whatever it was, like that? Almost instantaneous?_

I was certain it was.

But at the same time could it go anywhere? I really needed to talk to him, and I really needed to talk to my friends.

I knew Rosalie, Jasper's sister, was in town because the three of them had gone to dinner with the Whitlocks last night. I love Rose. I hadn't seen her in a few months since the last time she had been in New York. She's feisty, outgoing, and probably the most beautiful person I have ever met. She's four years older than Jasper and full of piss and vinegar, yet she's the most loyal person one could ever meet. She's a top sales rep for the oil company that Jasper's parents work for. She started with the company right out of college and worked her way up. Eventually she was promoted to regional director for the southern division and actually moved back to Dallas where she and Jasper grew up.

I was hoping that tonight I could do something with the girls. I wanted to talk to them about James and get my mind off of Edward for a while. He had consumed my every thought for the last week, and I decided I needed to spend some time with the girls and focus on something else.

I checked my phone and noticed more missed calls and emails from James, which I immediately deleted. I texted Alice and Kate to see if they wanted to spend our Saturday night in. After the events of the last couple of days I needed to decompress. When they responded and agreed to bring beverages and dessert, I set out for a little Italian market in Little Italy and picked up fresh cheese, meat and homemade pasta. I planned to make an Alfredo sauce and the four of us could drink wine, eat and watch a movie.

After putting away my purchases, I went for a run in the park. I tried my damndest not to think about Edward, my Apollo, running shirtless through the park with his skin glistening with sweat.

 _Shit._

 _Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?_

Probably because he had said four of the most touching phrases anyone had ever said to me.

 _Mijn zon. Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou._

My sun. My light. I can't. I'm yours.

 _Fuck. I'm yours. What the hell did he mean by that?_

I shook my head and ascended the stairs to the condo. I really needed to talk to my girls, even if I couldn't mention Edward.

I hurried in to shower and change and start my white sauce when I heard the buzzer for the door. I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost seven, and the girls were probably just early. After I heard Alice's high voice over the intercom I buzzed them in and started on my sauce.

Before I knew it, the three were busting through my door all wound up.

"Oh my God! Did you see him, Alice? He was gorgeous!" Rosalie bellowed through the hallway, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Yes, Rose was definitely back.

"He was ok, if you like that meathead sort of thing." Alice shrugged and Kate snorted.

"Meathead he was not. He was ripped and just…yummy." Rose rounded the corner to my kitchen.

"Bell! How are you?" She engulfed me in a hug.

"I'm good, Rose. And you?" I stepped back and took her in. She was still the same beautiful Rosalie Whitlock with blonde hair the color of cornsilk, violet eyes and a body that could grace any magazine cover.

"Fantastic." She said and stepped back to set two bottles of wine on the counter. "And now that everyone is together, I can give you the good news."

"What news?" Kate piped in as she was pulling out her ingredients for her caprese salad.

"I'm moving back to New York. I took a job in Marketing and I will be back in two weeks."

"Seriously? Rose, that's great!" I gave her another hug. The four of us instantly started chatting about Rosalie's move back. We stood in the kitchen making our dishes and sipping wine.

Apparently Rose was tired of Dallas and traveling so much for work. She was ready to be back in New York near her brother and family.

"I never thought I would say this, but I am thirty-four years old and I'm ready to settle down." She sighed into her wine. "And I'm ready for some nieces and nephews." She gave Alice a smile.

"Something going on Ali?" I asked then.

She swallowed, and I noticed then that she had hardly touched her wine.

She bit the side of her cheek and looked down before looking back up at me.

"I'm pregnant." She smiled.

"Oh my God, Alice! Congratulations! But, when? We just went to happy hour last week!"

She laughed. "I know. Remember how I had to keep going to the bathroom?" I nodded.

"Well, I was actually telling the waitress to bring me martini glasses filled with water. So when I kept going to the bathroom I was sneaking off to the waitress." Alice giggled, and we all joined her.

"Oh Ali, I'm so happy for you!" I stepped around the island to give her a hug and Kate and Rosalie joined in.

Alice told us that she was only seven weeks along, but she had just found out and had surprised Jasper with the news on their anniversary. She said she had been trying to hide it by switching out her wine with grape juice and martinis with water. We laughed, ate, and joked with Alice and it was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of the torrent of emotions I was feeling from the last few days. I hadn't realized what a toll the events of the last week had taken on me. Between my brother's birthday, Edward, James, and the connection between James, Phil and Laurent, it had been a taxing week.

Kate and Alice settled into the living room to find a movie and Rosalie helped me clean up in the kitchen.

"So how are you holding up?" She quirked an eyebrow at me. I assumed Alice told her I broke up with my boyfriend. I called her yesterday to let her know, but I didn't share any of the gory details with her. It wasn't that I was upset about breaking up with James, even though I hadn't told him yet. I was upset over how everything had happened.

It was almost hard to believe how I could just drop everything with James so quickly. I was never the type of girl to rebound from one relationship to the next. In fact, I had only had a handful of boyfriends since Alec that I actually dated for longer than a month or two. I dated James for almost four months, yet it was like nothing to end it. Realizing how I felt about it made me also realize that I never should have been dating him in the first place. I shook my head and sighed as I finished cleaning off the plates.

"What's going on, Bella? Because I know you; you're stewing about something in here. Is it about the break up?" She set her wine down and grabbed a plate.

I sighed and looked into the other room. I wanted to talk about the situation, but I didn't want to take away from Alice's news. At the same time, I didn't know that I could say anything to Alice; or Kate for that matter since she worked with the FBI.

"Do you remember Alice's brothers?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, of course, I was between them in school. They were both gorgeous. Why?" She smiled but then looked at me quizzically.

"Well, hypothetically, what if I started dating her brother, but I couldn't tell her about it."

She frowned and set her plate down before checking the other room again.

"Bell, what's going on?"

I looked down at my hands. I knew if I told Rose she would keep it under lock and seal.

"I…" How did I even say this? "I met Edward last Friday, and I don't know; we hit it off or something."

"And you're worried about the fact that you just broke up with James, or what? I know Alice won't care, trust me. And I'm sure she won't care if you're dating her brother. She'd probably do back-flips, pregnant or not."

I rolled my eyes and pushed my sleeves up to reach into the water.

"Isabella Marie Swan! What is that?" Rosalie hissed and grabbed my arm.

Shit. I hadn't told them about our encounter, only that we had broken up.

"It's nothing, Rose." I quickly tried to pull it away but couldn't.

"It's not nothing! Tell me right now, what is going on?" She pushed my sleeves up farther and looked closely.

"Who did this?"

"James…Edward saved me from him though."

She looked at me quizzically then and I knew I had to spill.

I looked in the other room and then I quickly whispered to Rosalie everything that had happened in the last week. I told her about running into him at Gray's, the Met, the play. I told her about making dinner together and then seeing him at the club on Thursday. Finally I told her about the night before.

"I just don't know, Rose. He's undercover, and I don't even know what he wants. I mean, we can't date per se so what should I think about this?" I scrubbed my face with my hands and leaned back against the counter.

"I think you need to ask him. Make him level with you because if he wants to pursue something then he needs to tell you."

"That's the problem, Rose. He might want to, but I don't even know if he can."

She nodded and suddenly Alice burst into the room.

"Aren't you two done cleaning up yet? You've been in here for like fifteen minutes? The movie is ready to go."

"We were just catching up." Rose said and shot me a sideways glance.

"Is everything okay?"

"Great." She said and quickly switched the subject as she turned to me. "So tell me about the guy in the elevator; I have to know who he was."

"What guy?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, Rose saw some beefcake in the elevator and was all crazy for him."

"Well, what did he look like?" I asked.

"Tall, dark, ripped, gorgeous. I could go on and on." She sighed dreamily.

"John?"

"Maybe. He got off on this floor. Is he your neighbor?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my God, Bella you have to introduce me!" Rosalie was almost giddy. I had never seen her like this.

"I think he has a girlfriend." I said as we made our way to the living room.

"Well, so did you." She muttered and raised her eyebrows at me. And I shook my head at her.

*&^%$#

I woke up on Sunday more refreshed than I should have. After we finished our movie, the four of us stayed up talking until almost 3:00 in the morning. I told Alice and Kate everything that happened with James, except for Edward's help of course. I thought Kate was going to kill him. The look of fury on her face probably rivaled mine when I helped her with Laurent a few years ago.

Then they told me that the reason they always disliked James was because they had seen him at dinner with Laurent one night when they met for drinks in Greenwich. I was pissed. I didn't understand why they hadn't told me before. They said they didn't think we were that serious and that it wasn't going to go anywhere. They also didn't want to make a big deal out of it because they knew he was an attorney and could have easily been out for a business meal.

Of course, it was always easier when you were on the outside looking in. I had noticed things about Kate and Laurent's relationship but hadn't said anything. I realized that it was always easier to be critical when it wasn't of you. There were obvious warning signs with James that I ignored.

I cooled off after that, but it still made me uneasy to think of James' connection with Laurent. Not only that, but I had my suspicions about the club we went to and the fact that Edward was there. Something was fishy about the whole situation. I hated Laurent as much as they disliked James. I was the one who found Kate that night almost four years ago. Alice didn't even know about it. As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but wonder if I wouldn't have been in a similar position if I had continued to date him…

 _I was walking home from work to my new apartment. I found a cute studio on the Upper West Side that had reasonable rent and was sublet by the owner while she lived overseas. I had only been living there for four months, since Kate moved in with her boyfriend Laurent downtown._

 _Suddenly my phone rang and I dug into my bag to grab it. It was early October and already getting dark outside and I had stayed late at work. Finally, I answered it breathlessly._

 _"_ _Hello."_

 _"_ _B-B-Bella." Kate whispered on the other end, but it sounded like she was crying._

 _"_ _Kate? Is something wrong? Are you okay?"_

 _"_ _No-n-no. Please you have to help me…before he gets back." Her voice cracked._

 _"_ _Kate, what are you talking about?"_

 _"_ _Laurent, he's…please he's going to be back soon. I need to get out of here."_

 _I immediately turned to the street to flag a cab and hurriedly jumped in._

 _"_ _I'm in a cab Katie. What's going on?"_

 _"_ _Please, just hurry Bella." She hung up._

 _Oh my God. What was happening? What did he do to her? Did they get in a fight? Were they breaking up?_

 _My heart was racing as the cab sped down the street. Kate never lost her composure. She was always sure of herself and pulled together. I didn't know what to make of it._

 _I hadn't seen her as much in the last couple of months, but I just figured they were enjoying living together and being a couple. I didn't think much of it. Besides we both had careers and busy lives. I was sure she was just enjoying her new life with him._

 _I stewed nervously in the back of the cab as it seemed to take forever to get downtown._

 _It finally pulled up to Laurent and Kate's large building. I rushed to the door and luckily the doorman knew me and smiled as he let me inside._

 _I pressed the button rapidly, all the while looking around for any sign of Laurent._

 _God, what did he do to her? She sounded so awful._

 _I always had an eerie feeling about Laurent. He was eight years older than Kate and they began dating right after we graduated from college. He was an up and coming businessman at a major shipping corporation and often instructed Kate on how she should act and dress. Kate seemed to be head over heels for him though; and I figured I should trust her judgment._

 _Until tonight._

 _I stepped out of the elevator and hurried down the hall to their expensive apartment. I knocked quietly and when no one answered I opened the door to step in._

 _I wandered into their living room and looked around and stopped short._

 _The coffee table was broken, there were books and magazines skewed across the floor and I noticed food on the wall and a shattered plate on the floor._

 _Then I saw Kate._

 _The sight before me was something I had never seen before and I never wanted to see it again._

 _She was huddled in the corner and her dress was ripped. She had blood on her cheek and a nasty mark on her neck. She was shivering and crying and didn't even look up._

 _"_ _Kate." I whispered._

 _She jumped and began squirming away when she heard me, and I noticed her eye was swollen shut._

 _"_ _Katie, it's just me, Bella."_

 _"_ _B-b-Bella." Her voice was quivering just like it did on the phone._

 _"_ _Oh my God, Kate! What did he do to you?" I knelt down, unsure if I should touch her because she kept cowering away. But finally I put my arms around her and she melted into my embrace and began sobbing._

 _"_ _Katie, we need to get going. We need to get you to a hospital."_

 _She mumbled something into my shoulder, and I knew she wouldn't be able to help me. I kissed the top of her head and grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her._

 _I scurried to her room and pulled down a large suitcase from her closet. I furiously began stuffing it with clothes, panties, shoes, bras, anything I could get my hands on. I was zipping it shut when I heard a low keening noise from the other room._

 _I rushed out to find Kate standing now but leaning against the dining room table, and I noticed blood trickling down her leg._

 _"_ _Oh my God! Kate, are you okay?" She was sobbing and it looked like she was in shock. I tried to see if she was cut somewhere._

 _"_ _Kate, you're bleeding, what should…I mean…can you show me where you're cut?"_

 _"_ _I'm not cut. I think I just had a miscarriage." She sobbed._

 _"_ _Oh no." I hugged her and tears instantly flooded my eyes. My mind was racing. I didn't even know she was pregnant and I felt awful for her. But I knew I needed to be strong._

 _"_ _C'mon Katie. We have to get out of here."_

 _She was rooted in her spot so I grabbed the suitcase with one hand and wrapped my other arm around her and tried to pull her toward the door. Luckily I grabbed a scarf for her in the bedroom as well and swathed it around her head._

 _We hurried out of the apartment and downstairs. I shuffled her into the cab and instructed the cabbie to take us to the nearest emergency room._

 _Kate didn't say a word the entire time. We sat in the ER, and she laid her head in my lap, and I stroked her hair trying to comfort her any way I could. But it was Friday night in New York, and the ER was busy. Kate was injured, but not as badly as several of the other patients coming in the doors. So we waited, and Katie didn't say a word, she just stared ahead as I held her._

 _Finally, when the doctor called her back, I asked her if she wanted me to go with her. She clutched on to me for dear life and nodded._

 _I couldn't have prepared myself for what I saw when I got to the back. When the doctor had her remove her dress, I noticed a number of bruises across the rest of her body, aside from the ones I had already caught a glimpse of at her apartment. They were of varying degree, size, and age._

 _It was at that moment I knew why I hadn't seen much of my friend for the last couple of months. Laurent had been abusive and she was trying to cover it up. Not only did his abuse cause her harm, it caused her to lose her baby. In that instant, I wanted to kill him. I never felt fury like I did for him, not even when my brother was killed or when my Mom left. I hated him with every fiber of my being for what he had done to my friend._

Eventually Kate came home with me and told me everything that transpired. Somehow through work she found out that Laurent was possibly in on some shady business deals and confronted him about it. Being a cop's daughter, she didn't want to be with someone who was involved in any illegal activities, _and_ she worked for the NYPD.

That was two months prior, and the first night he hit her. Unfortunately, she was so in love with him that she tried to discard it and fell into the same trap that many women fall in to. She thought it would only be a one-time thing. The problem was he had her over a barrel. He paid for her car, their apartment, bought her clothes and kept her in "high-society" form for all of his work and business functions. She felt like she was losing everything if she left him.

But the night I found her she said it was the worst. She hadn't been feeling well and went to the doctor earlier in the day. She found out her sickness wasn't from the flu, but she was pregnant. It was an accident, but she thought he would still be excited. They loved each other right?

When she told Laurent he accused her of sleeping around and trying to trap him. He threw the dinner plate against the wall and picked her up out of the chair and threw her against the wall. He apparently hit her and then left because he had some sort of business function to attend. She came to the realization then that she had to get out. It was once I got there that she miscarried, and I held her most of the night as she cried and told me about everything.

Eventually we went back to get her stuff and she had a couple of the guys that she worked with come with us. I tried to get her to press charges, but she just wanted out. She just wanted to end it. Luckily, Laurent didn't put up much of a fight. He would call her to torment her every now and then, but after a while he moved on to some other woman who worked at his company.

 _Poor woman._

Kate was never the same after that. She never let a man get close to her or went on more than a few dates with a guy. Laurent had never done anything to her to make it seem like he would be abusive in the years they dated until the last two months. But the more I started to convince her that he was being abusive, just in other ways, she started to see through it. He was always controlling and manipulative. He didn't like it when we went out together and called her all the time when she wasn't with him. It just took her moving in with him for the physical abuse to start.

But last night, she seemed so happy and so much more at peace than I had seen her in a long time. I was sure it was from Garrett. Her new beau, who ironically was in the FBI and she was seeing on the sly, was all she could talk about.

 _Apparently we're all having secret relationships._

 _Relationship? Where the hell did that come from?_

I sighed as I got up from bed and decided to go for a run and then do some work when I returned home. I made my way to the park and ran my usual route around the reservoir. I was, as usual, hoping to see him. But I had so many questions and I knew I couldn't ask him those things in public.

He said he was going to see me soon, but when? And where?

I pondered our conversations from Friday and I felt an eerie tingle on the back of my neck like I was being watched again. I glanced around and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. I picked up my pace and turned out of the park to head for home.

I showered and spent the day cleaning my apartment while I put on some music. I had my iPod set to my classic rock list. If I couldn't get Edward out of my head, then I might as well enjoy the music we both liked.

As Stevie Nicks belted out _Landslide_ over the speakers, I couldn't help but think about Edward. He sounded so pained on the phone. As much as I was attracted to him, I also felt this unyielding need to comfort him like I had Kate. He seemed so…conflicted and hurt. I could see pieces of his real personality when we made dinner on Monday and I couldn't help but think that maybe I helped bring that out.

 _Maybe that was a way to start everything._ _We could take it slow and I could make him dinner and we could get to know each other._

As I thought about it more, it seemed like a good idea. We could see each other but still get to know each other. I finally had a sense of resolve about the situation. The song switched to _Boston's More Than A Feeling_ and I couldn't help but smirk.

I had an idea. I knew I couldn't call him, but I could text him right? He did, in fact, text me. I wanted him to know what I thought of his message. It just struck me that perhaps he hadn't called again or tried to see me because he hadn't heard from me on the matter.

The truth was, I wanted him, in any way he could give himself to me. After thinking about everything with Kate and Laurent and James, I realized how much different I felt about Edward even after only spending limited time with him. For once in my life I didn't feel like I was floating along or didn't know what I wanted from a man or a relationship. It didn't matter, I just wanted him.

I opened the phone he gave me and quickly typed out the message.

 ** _Apollo~ I need to see you. We need to talk. I'm yours too, but I need to know what that means.~Z_**

I walked down the hallway to switch the laundry around, and when I got back I noticed an alert for a text message and flipped open the phone.

 ** _MZ~Tomorrow~YA_**

Mijn Zon. Tomorrow. Your Apollo?

I just shook my head.

 _What was I getting myself into? And how come every ounce of my being simply didn't care?_

*&^%$#

I walked to work the next morning, finally feeling like my head was clearer than it had been in a week. I would see him today or tonight at some point. I was anxious, but I also knew I was going to get some answers.

I again felt like I was being watched, and I couldn't decide if that was a lingering feeling from running into Demitri this weekend or the encounter with James. Luckily there were several walkers and runners on the way to work so I didn't think about it too much.

I arrived at my office and slipped out of my sandals and cardigan and put on my heels with my fitted gray pencil skirt and pink silk blouse. I had several meetings today and planned to stay late to get some work done since the fundraiser was now only three weeks away.

I had just sat down at my computer when there was a knock at my door.

"Ms. Swan?" Our assistant, Maggie poked her head in, and I looked up.

"Hi Maggie, what can I do for you?"

"You have a delivery, Ms. Swan."

"A delivery?"

"Yes, flowers. Do you want me to bring them back?"

I looked at her, puzzled. "That would be great, Maggie."

Now who was sending me flowers? Suddenly I had a sneaking suspicion that maybe it was Edward. A smile crossed my face as Maggie walked back in a small bouquet of beautiful pink carnations.

I smiled and thanked Maggie and quickly looked at the card.

 _Pink Carnation_

I knew what they were, but again there was no writing on the card. Just like the first time it was only the name of the flower. I quickly pulled up the website I used the last time and found the meaning for Pink Carnations.

 _Pink Carnation- I Will Never Forget You_

My eyes popped open. I will never forget you? What the hell does that mean?

Was it possible Edward sent them? But he was going to see me tonight? This seemed more like a parting or a longing type flower? I was confused as I arranged them on my desk.

"Who are they from, Ms. Swan?" Maggie asked excitedly.

"I…um…I don't know." I shook my head perplexed.

"Oh, I'm sorry for asking. I shouldn't have pried." She shook her head.

"No, it's all right, Maggie. I'm as stumped as you." She nodded and left my office and closed my door.

Who was sending me flowers? This was the second time in two weeks, both on Mondays. I stared at them for a moment until I realized it was time for my first meeting of the day and shut my computer to head down the hallway.

The day was busy, and I ended up staying until past 8:00 that night because I had so many meetings that I didn't have much time to write or proof the interns work. We needed to get several of our pieces to publication by the end of the week so that they would be ready in time for the fundraiser.

I packed up my laptop and stuffed my sandals in my bag. I grabbed the flowers from my desk and turned off the light as I made my way to the entrance. I hailed a cab on Fifth because even though it was the waning light of day, it was too dark to walk through the park, and my hands were full.

I quickly checked my texts and personal emails from the day as the cabbie drove me home. I giggled at Rosalie's text about John and at Alice's comments about morning sickness and photo shoots. I noticed I had several more calls and emails from James when I felt the cab roll to a stop.

I sighed and grabbed my bag and flowers. I paid the cabbie and stepped out of the car and my heart dropped out of my chest.

Standing in front of my building was James.

Shit.

I instantly glanced around to see if anyone was on the street. I noticed a couple walking about a half block down, and I was hoping our afternoon and evening doorman was still working. He usually didn't leave until after 10:00, but he was known to cut out early.

I clutched my bag and flowers and hurried up to the door as I fumbled for my keys.

 _Where the hell is our doorman?_

"There you are." I heard James say from beside me.

"Leave me alone, James. I don't ever want to see you again." I said hurriedly as I put the key in the door.

"C'mon Bella, why haven't you taken my calls this weekend? I said I was sorry about everything. C'mon sweetheart let me in with you." He was trying to sound sweet and seductive and I just shuddered.

I turned to him slightly and noticed a large bruise and scrape on his forehead and had to hide my smirk.

 _Looks like Edward got him pretty good._

That thought alone made a jolt of electricity run straight through my body. But I brought myself back to the present.

"Back away, James. I have nothing to say to you." I said through clenched teeth, but also trying to hide the fear in my voice.

His eyes darkened and he stepped closer. "What are you talking about? It was just a mix-up. I thought you would like the club and apparently you didn't."

"James, it wasn't only the club that was the problem. You hurt me and you are never going to touch me again. Now please back away."

"Bella, I said I was sorry..." He grabbed my arm and turned me and his eyes instantly locked on the flowers, and a look of fury crossed his face.

"James, get your fucking hands off me." I seethed.

"What the fuck are those?" He snapped.

"They're nothing. They're none of your business. Now please leave. We are over. I don't want to see you anymore, or ever again for that matter."

 _Seriously, where the fuck is the doorman?_

I could feel myself sweating through the back of my shirt and my stomach lurching as I stood firm.

Just then the door opened from the inside and our doorman Randall opened the door.

"Is everything okay here, Ms. Swan?"

I looked up relieved, and James instantly dropped his hand.

"Yes. Thank you, Randall, Mr. Raven was just leaving." I shuffled in past Randall as fast as I could, and I saw James' look of contempt as I stepped into the lobby.

I was breathing hard and my heart was racing as I tried to calm myself down.

"Are you sure you're okay, Ms. Swan?" Randall asked me again after he closed the door.

I took a deep breath and let it out before speaking. "Yes, I'm sure. Thank you again, Randall."

He nodded and I walked to the elevator to press the button for my floor. When I stepped out on my floor, my hands were still shaking, and I fumbled with my keys at my door.

Finally, I unlocked it and stepped inside only to stop abruptly again. I noticed a light on in the living room and _The Police_ playing over my speakers. I never left any lights on and I definitely never left music on in the morning. I slowly walked down the hallway with trepidation.

I turned the corner and stifled a scream when I saw a man staring at my book collection.

"Oh…" Edward spun around, and my heart was instantly in my throat again.

"Hey." He smiled but then his face dropped. "Are you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." He said assuredly as he raised a hand. "That's why I turned the light and the music on. But I couldn't really wait outside for you."

I was gasping for breath, and my mind was whirring with a million thoughts. How did he know my condo number? How did he get in? How did he know to put on my iPod to one of my favorite bands? Why do I want to run up to him and have him wrap his arms around me? And what the hell did it all mean?

"Bella? Are you okay?" He came closer, and I realized my breathing was still labored, and the bouquet of flowers in my hands was shaking violently. I tried to focus and ask him one question at a time, but I couldn't.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and peered at me with concern. The warmth from his hand both set me on fire and comforted me at the same time.

Finally I whispered to him. "How did you…?" I shook my head. "What are you doing here?"

He looked instantly ashamed and pulled his hand away and ran it through his hair nervously.

"I'm sorry to startle you. I actually came in through the fire escape."

"But the window is locked." I blurted out. I was a cop's daughter from Brooklyn; I always locked everything.

"Agent, remember?" He smirked at me and I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood but his brow furrowed again.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked worriedly then.

"No." I rasped quickly, and he studied me.

"Bella, did something happen? You look as pale as a ghost."

I knew I should be concerned that this man, who I hardly knew, somehow managed to break into my condo without being detected and was here when I got home. But I felt nothing but comfort in being near him.

 _He is an undercover agent for crying out loud, he probably does that kind of stuff all the time._

He stepped closer then and reached up tentatively and ran his hand down my cheek. Sparks shot through my body and I trembled.

"Hey…" He whispered and his jade eyes were filled with concern. "Come sit down." He grabbed my hand and led me to the couch. He took the flowers from my shaking grasp and put them on the coffee table after giving them a perplexed glance.

"Tell me what happened. It's not because of me is it? I really am sorry if I…"

"No…" I quickly stopped him. "It was James, he was outside." I said shakily.

Anger instantly flashed across Edward's face and he tensed. He looked like he could kill someone. "Did he hurt you?"

"No. I…the doorman came before he could do anything." I shook my head quickly.

"But he was going to?" His eyes were so dark, the jade had turned a deep pine green and his jaw was rigid.

"It's okay. I'm fine. I told him I never wanted to see him again." I said trying to reassure him and placed my hand on his arm. He relaxed a bit at my touch but the heaviness in the room was stifling.

**I took a deep breath and finally willed myself to calm down. We sat in silence for a moment until finally I cleared my throat.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"A while." He smirked. "I didn't know you worked so late." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Just tonight since I took Friday off." I trailed off and he nodded. I wasn't sure how long he planned to stay or if we were going to talk, but I figured I should be hospitable.

"Um, do you want a glass of wine or anything?" I asked as I slipped off my cardigan and stood up.

I heard a slight gasp from behind me, and I turned around.

Edward's eyes were burning this time.

He closed his eyes and reopened them. Before I knew it he was standing in front of me. My face was level with his hard, muscular chest, and a shot of desire instantly coursed through my body. I could smell him, almost taste him it was so strong, and he smelled absolutely divine. He was pure soap and man and the smell of a cool morning, just like the first time his scent hit me in the Greek and Roman Hall. I could so easily have reached out my hands and run them down his hard chest.

I looked up at him and his eyes were like liquid fire. I felt his fingers graze my arm and then lift it up to look at it.

He was staring at the fingerprint bruises and his jaw set once again. I could almost feel the rage in him as he looked at my arm. But then ever so slowly he stroked the bruises lightly with his fingers.

I shivered, and my skin rippled in response.

"Does it hurt?" He asked in a hushed tone.

"No…I bruise easily." I whispered. But the feeling of his fingers on my arm made desire pool in my stomach and my body ache with need.

 _What was it with this man?_

"I'm sorry I didn't step in sooner." I could hear the remorse in his voice and I swallowed.

"It's okay. I'm fine really." I tried to reassure him.

 _The Police_ were still playing in the background as I locked eyes with him. I took a breath and looked back down. He flipped his hand over when I noticed his knuckles were scraped up.

I reached down and gently ran my fingers over his knuckles. He shivered this time and it felt like there was an orb of electricity surrounding us.

"Is this from Thursday?" I peered at him and the jade was now boiling.

"Yes."

"I saw his face. It looked like you got him pretty good." I smirked.

He smiled finally and my breath quickened again. He was absolutely breathtaking, even in his state of apparent confusion, want and despair. He was by far the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on, and he was standing in my living room comforting me.

He raised his hand then to stroke my cheek once again. "I'm glad. It was worth it. And this doesn't hurt at all." He motioned with his hand.

I closed my eyes into his touch and I could both feel and hear his breath hitch.

"Your text. Did you mean it?" He asked then.

I opened my eyes and was met once again with his smoldering green ones.

"Did you?" I whispered.

"Every word." He said, and I relished the feel of his hand on my skin and his scent surrounding me.

"Me too." His eyes softened, and I had to ask. I had to know what this all meant. "So what does this mean….how do we do this?" I whispered.

"Slowly…" His brow furrowed but he continued, "And quietly. I hate that it has to be this way, but I…no one can know. I really shouldn't be here, but I can't seem to stay away from you." He looked at me again and the intensity of his gaze sent shockwaves through my body.

"And I told you I don't want you to." I said quickly and he took a relieved breath.

"I want to get to know you…first." He stated.

 _Obviously he feels this as strongly as I do._

"Me too."

"But I can't…tonight I mean. I have to leave. I have to do something…for work." His face darkened, and he frowned.

"You can come by whenever you want to." I stated. "And apparently that's really true." I joked quietly, and his face lifted into a smile.

"Okay. I don't know when…but I'll be in touch."

"Okay." My eyes searched his, and I could feel us moving closer.

He brought his other hand up to cup my face in his hands and my breathing skipped.

He licked his lips and glanced from my eyes to my lips and back and murmured. "Can I just do one thing before I leave?"

"Anything." I breathed.

"It's something I've wanted to do since the first time I saw you at Gray's." He was closer now, his eyes burning into mine and the heat from his hands on my face and radiating from his body was making my pulse race.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sure he could hear it as he lowered his head and his eyes fluttered shut and mine followed.

He pressed his lips to mine and the slow kindling of fire that had been building between us from the first time we met set ablaze. It was like I was struck with lightning. It was slow and tender at first, his perfect lips gently pressing against mine and I responded in kind. Then it grew stronger as our lips moved together, feeling every inch of the other.

I brought my hands to his chest as he cupped my face more firmly, but still gently, and our bodies gravitated to one another. I could feel the planes of his chest and the definition of his muscles under my fingertips and pure want once again raced through my body.

He gently pulled my lower lip into his mouth and I moaned lightly. Before I could reciprocate, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine and placed one more soft kiss on my lips. My eyes flickered open and I was met with equal desire in his.

"I'd better go." He whispered and I nodded. I was speechless. It was the most powerful kiss I had ever experienced even though we had only locked lips. But that simple contact sent my body into frenzy.

He lightly stroked my cheeks with his thumbs and gave me a light peck on the forehead and whispered against me.

"Soon Mijn Zon. Soon."

With that, he stepped away and walked to the fire escape. With one look back he flung his legs out and closed it behind him.

I stood there, dizzy and panting. My body was on fire, and I was sure that tonight my dreams would be of nothing but him. I realized we hardly talked. I never asked him about the flowers, or exactly what he expected. But somehow I didn't have to. The kiss said everything.

I knew then, absolutely and unequivocally, that I was no longer floating.

I just crashed.

 **XXXX**

**In explanation of the connection of Apollo with Daphne. Apollo chased after Daphne, but Apollo chaffed Cupid for toying with a weapon more suited to a man, whereupon Cupid wounds him with a golden dart. Simultaneously, however, Cupid shot a leaden arrow into Daphne, causing her to be repulsed by Apollo. As such, they could never work.


	10. Chapter 10:

**Chapter 10: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room**

 ** _Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I jumped off the fire escape and raced into the night. I only had an hour to get to my stash and make it to the meeting point where my first assignment awaited me.

Normally I would be morose about my assignment tonight.

But tonight…tonight, I was flying.

In all honesty, I don't know how I pulled away from that. I wanted her. I wanted Bella, more than I had ever wanted anyone in my entire life.

And that kiss; it sealed it—all the tumult, all the heartache, all of the indecision. If I thought I didn't have a chance before, I knew now that I was completely gone.

It was…there were no words to describe it. The kiss with Bella was by far the best kiss of my entire life, and all I did was kiss her! I couldn't believe it, but I had never felt anything like this for Claire or any other woman. I had never been so drawn to someone, so turned on, or felt as alive as I did in her presence. It was everything I imagined it would be. Her lips were soft and perfect and yet firm against mine. She tasted sweet like berries, also as I had imagined she would, and she was just as hungry for the contact as I was. And her skin, dear God, the feel of her face in my hands and her fingers on my chest set my body ablaze. I wanted to lift her up and wrap her legs around me and take her right there against the living room wall. Or the window or the breakfast bar. Or fuck, any flat surface would have worked.

But I knew I couldn't.

I had to leave. I had an assignment. And quite frankly, I didn't want to do that with her tonight. I wanted to take it slow. I wanted to know her, to feel every inch of her before I made love to her for the first time.

 _First time? Pretty presumptive Cullen._

 _Jesus…I really have lost it._

 _You're on your way to an assignment, Cullen! Get your shit together!_

I traipsed through the alleyway and made my way down to catch a cab on Broadway. I needed to get to my stash which was in a small room off of a butcher shop in Hell's Kitchen.

I jumped in the cab and I couldn't help but let my mind go back to the last few days.

 _After I left the theater on Friday I did everything I could to put her out of my mind for a while. But unfortunately I couldn't and I ended up calling her as soon as I got home. When she told me she felt the same way I did, I was a mixture of elated joy and absolute terror._

 _I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything or anyone I had ever wanted in my life. More than Claire, more than all the women I had ever been with combined. Dare I say it, I wanted her more than becoming an agent, and that thought alone was staggering to me. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around that idea and for now, I needed to think. It was for that reason that once I had talked to her and found out how she felt, I had given her some time to decode my message and respond in kind. All I knew was that when I was around her, I felt alive. I felt comfortable, yet exhilarated and nervous and afraid. All at the same time. But most of all, I felt…I felt all of those things and that made me feel alive._

 _Then I thought about her calling me Apollo. I actually laughed. I hadn't laughed since I had dinner with…her._

I sighed. I needed to force my mind back to the present and the mission. My assignment tonight would be my first in New York, and I needed to be even more precise here than I was in Romania.

On Saturday I did everything I could to focus on something other than Bella. I did my first leg work for bringing together our mission. I knew I was going to have my meeting with the brothers, Vladimir and Stefan, on Sunday morning. So I decided I might as well lay the groundwork for bringing in my partner. The sooner the better, I thought, as I recounted our conversation…

 _I walked into the bar in Clinton. It was dark and a bit more of a pub than a fancy bar one normally finds in Manhattan. It was perfect for an "underground" meeting._

 _I strode up to the bar and ordered a beer. I requested a Guinness because I obviously couldn't get Bella completely out of my head. I saddled up to the bar and waited for Seth to come in. This was going to be relatively scripted, like it was the first time we had met._

 _Just then Seth walked into the bar, and I pretended not to know him. He sat down in the stool next to me and ordered a Guinness as well._

 _Good opening, Clearwater. I thought to myself._

 _"_ _Drinking the good stuff eh?" I asked as I nodded to his glass._

 _"_ _Only way to enjoy a Saturday afternoon. Yanks on?" He said then and I couldn't help but smile. He remembered I was a Yankees fan and even if he wasn't, we_ were _in New York._

 _"_ _Up 3-2 in the bottom of the eighth." I nodded to the old TV hanging above the bar. This wasn't one of those joints that had a shiny new flat screen in every corner. This place had TV's probably as old as Clearwater, a jukebox in the corner and darkly lit booths to hide out._

 _"_ _Too bad we can't all make money like that huh?" He asked then._

 _"_ _Yup, too bad." I said as I sipped my Guinness._

 _I pretended to eye the people around me then before I turned to look at him. I lowered my voice. "You know, I got a pretty good way to make some money on the side if you're interested." I nudged my head to a booth and he nodded in agreement._

And ironically that was all it took. It seemed simple enough. It looked like we didn't know each other, and it looked like we were having an innocent enough conversation, but to anyone who might be watching they would be none the wiser. We had officially set out on our cover and made our contact. As soon as Seth and I were sitting in the booth, I tossed him the idea of getting involved in some "good money" and "guaranteed payouts." He agreed that he had some experience in the area and would bring in some of his buddies to help put together a "nice offer" for my employer. With that, we successfully forged our cover relationship.

I think on some levels we forged a real friendship as well. I could see something in Seth that reminded me of myself. I could see the combination of sadness and fierce determination in his eyes. We didn't have to talk about it to one another. We just knew. He was likely given a bio sheet on me as well, and I was sure it didn't take him long to match up my background and dates with joining the Bureau. Regardless, we would now be able to _act_ like friends or at least acquaintances in more public places. Eventually he would be able to even come to the club with me and hopefully other assignments. Of course not my kills, but maybe some of the meets I would get in on.

I was actually looking forward to having a partner. It had been very lonely in Romania. Sure, I hung out with Felix or some of the other low-level Dracs, but I was constantly undercover there, and I could never shake the feeling of working because I knew the person I was with was one of the bad guys. Now I would have one of the good guys by my side, and I was looking forward to it.

Thinking about the bad guys instantly brought my mind to my meeting with Vladimir and Stefan. I had expected dirty, creepy motherfuckers as I was told they could be. To be honest, they were much worse than I had anticipated…

 _I woke up early Sunday, knowing the reason I needed to be at the club at 6:00 was because I needed to be there before daylight. At this time of the year that meant I needed to be at the club at 5:30 or earlier. I quickly showered and changed into my standard garb, black on black._

 _I sidestepped my way to the club at 5:00, and I could still hear the music thumping inside. I made my way to the back door this time, careful to slip down the alley in the darkness. As usual, I was met with two large Romanian guards and once again gave the password. Once I made it inside I was ushered through a corridor and up to what I presumed were the offices upstairs. I met with Nelo again and instantly recognized another familiar face._

 _"_ _Emil! How are you my friend?" Felix slapped me on the back and I had to plant my feet not to fall over._

 _"_ _I'm good Felix. You're in the States?" I asked._

 _"_ _Bringing over some merchandise." He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I had to hold off the vomit in my stomach. "You change your hair and your eyes I see." He looked at me quizzically then._

 _"_ _Just keeping up with the times, I am no good if I always look the same, no?" I said to him and he chuckled darkly._

 _"_ _You do good work Emil; you get called up by the big dogs." He said as he nodded over his shoulder._

 _"_ _Well Felix, I just do what I do. Do what I'm paid for. You know how it is." I shrugged and made my way to the next door._

 _I looked at the two guards standing beside it and raised my eyebrows at them. They instantly stepped aside, and I rapped on the door._

 _"_ _Comm Iiinn." A voice from the other side beckoned, and a shiver ran down my spine. It was like the voice of snake—slithery and raspy._

 _I opened the door and was met by two of the most decrepit looking men I had ever seen in my life. They were nearly identical, both with steely black eyes and pasty looking skin. It looked like they hadn't been in the sunlight in years. Their hair was the blackest black and they were both wearing perfectly tailored suits. Yet neither of them stood more than 5'4" tall. Their eyes squinted at me, judging me, looking up and down. I almost wanted to look away from them because their stare was so penetrating. But I willed my feet and my eyes to remain. It was one of the first things I learned in training. Never look down; it's a dead give away for lying. And in my profession that was more than true on so many levels._

 _"_ _Emilll Maaazzonnnn, hmmmm." The one had his hand on his chin and he circled me like a hunter after its prey. I stood as straight as possible and flexed my muscles to show that I didn't fear them. And I didn't fear them; they were just the creepiest motherfuckers I had ever seen in my life._

 _"_ _You don't looook like a Rrho-main-y-an." He drew out the description, and I had to fight the urge to stiffen._

 _"_ _I'm not. I am no one. I belong to no one. I am only for hire."_

 _"_ _I ssseee." He peered at me, and I bore my eyes right back into his. That's right fucker get used to these eyes. These are the eyes that are going to take your sorry ass down._

 _"_ _Stefan...what you thinnnnk of dis….non-Rrho-main-y-an?"_

 _"_ _I sink he needs to prove his verth." Worth? I assumed._

 _Then they began speaking in Romanian, likely thinking that I couldn't understand them._

 _Nice try fuckers. They were conversing about whether or not they could trust me, who I could potentially be tied to, what my origin could be, whether or not they should give me an assignment and whether I would fulfill it. Finally, I had enough and decided to burst their little bubble._

 _"Fie il vrei pe cel mai bun sau nu il vrei, alegerea este a ta."_ _I broke in and both of them stopped talking immediately._

 _That's right fuckers; either you want the best or you don't, the choice is yours._

 _"Vorbeşti română?" You speak Romanian? Vlad asked._

 _"Da." Yes._

 _"Cât de mult?" How much?_

 _"Fluent." I am fluent._

 _"Dar eşti american." But you're American?_

 _"Nu sunt nimic. Nu am nici o afiliere." I am nothing. I have no affiliation._

 _My eyes penetrated theirs, and for the first time during the meeting I felt like I had the upper hand. I decided I could use it to my advantage._

 _"_ _I could bring great things to this…arrangement. I know some very good business people in areas that I know you are considering…expanding." I crossed my arms and stared down at them. I knew there were two large security guards standing in the back of the room. But I still felt intimidating and I could see them both looking up at my size._

 _"_ _Why don't ve see if you can fulfill your ferrrrsst asssssignment." Vlad said._

 _I nodded, remaining as stoic as possible._

 _"_ _Well then." Stefan walked over to a large oak desk and grabbed a sheet of paper. "Exxxxecute this and ve'll talk some more."_

 _He handed me the paper and I quickly read it, committing it to memory. It was a low-level drug pusher from Brooklyn, but he tended to frequent a bar off West 42_ _nd_ _._

 _I nodded and handed the paper back, and they both looked at me like I was crazy._

 _I just shrugged with a stern look on my face._

 _"_ _Yesssss, ve'll seeee." Vlad said then and nodded to the brute by the door._

 _He led me out and this time and I pretended to be one of the patrons leaving the establishment after a long night of partying. I made my way out the door and back into the sunlight knowing that I was one step closer in my mission._

Of course going to the club brought my mind back to Bella. As soon as she had told me about James tonight I was so pissed. I had never seen red so quickly in my life. I wanted to march downstairs and kill the fucker, snap his neck in fucking two without him even knowing what hit him. The fingerprints on her arm almost undid me. But as soon as she touched me it calmed me, it was like Novocain for my hastily fleeting hold on sanity. She grounded me and then I kissed her.

 _Jesus. And it was fucking perfect._

Suddenly the cab came to a stop four blocks from my stash, and I had to force myself to focus. I abruptly stepped out and took off in the opposite direction. I eluded anyone who might be following me, although I knew there was no one. The one great thing about New York was the amount of people and transportation. It was easy to get lost.

Once at the door to the butcher shop, I speedily entered the room and pulled out my chest with my passports, guns, silencer, vest, and special glasses. Now I also had a cell phone, but it was only to relay messages to go in for briefings. I pulled on my mask, checked my safety and headed out.

I quickly made my way to the bar on 42nd and ducked into the alleyway behind the bar. The call was to be made at 11:00 sharp. He would likely step outside to take it, just like in Romania because that was protocol whenever a pusher got a call from someone higher up.

I waited behind a dumpster, the smell of the filth and the waste only making my stomach turn more at what my mission entailed. This was part of it, killing people. I knew they weren't innocent, but they didn't often commit crimes necessitating death.

 _Why didn't they ever let me take down one of the fuckers that transported the girls? But, I wouldn't shoot them with a silencer; I would make one of them suffer._

I had to shake the disturbing thoughts from my head and focus. I checked my watch, 10:31.

 _Where the fuck was he?_

I waited for another five minutes. Then it dawned on me.

This was a test.

I had to go and get him and I had to do it without being seen and without getting caught.

 _Fuck._

I had to think fast; I was dressed a bit conspicuously to go into a bar. I was perfect for the alley because no one could fucking see me, but I would surely stand out in a bar. I quickly stripped down to the plain black tee I had on under my jacket and hid my jacket, glasses and vest in the alley.

I ran my hands through my hair and turned my black hat backwards. I strode around to the front of the bar and thought about how I could get the subject alone.

I stepped into a hazy and musty smelling room. There were probably only fifteen people in the whole place, and none of them bid me a single look. I walked up, ordered a beer and sat in silence as I checked everything in my periphery, using the mirrors behind the bars and any reflective surface I could find.

Finally, I spotted a doorway in the back, but I could tell it didn't go to the alleyway. I walked toward the back after asking, ever so loudly, where the restroom was, and the bartender grunted and nodded his head to the back. I stepped back, and I could hear talking and laughing—male and female. I walked past the door which was cracked slightly and took a mental snapshot of the situation.

He was in there with two other guys. One was Native-American the other almost looked Latino. There were three girls with them, obviously Drac girls, lines of coke on the table and a number of bottles. I could see he was high as a kite. Soon enough he would have to leave to go to the bathroom or pass out. I just had to find a way to get him away from his friends without them seeing me.

I shuffled back out to the front when I had an idea. I sat down at the bar next to one of the other patrons. He had a cell phone clipped to his belt, and I struck up a conversation with him. I pretended to chat about the Yankees and sip my beer. Then I quickly paid and stood up pretending to catch my leg on the stool as I swiftly swiped the phone off of his belt.

I stepped out the front and made my way back to the alley. I had a tranquilizer in my vest as well as a few more…potent numbers. This was going to have to be a manual mission. I called 911 reporting a robbery at the bar and then quickly wiped down the phone, crushed it and threw it in the sewer. I quickly slipped on my vest, glasses and jacket and pulled out my serum that I knew mixed with coke would be undetectable by a medical examiner. I knew the party in the back wouldn't leave through the front door once they heard the cops. I also knew they were high as fuck, and if I gave him just a hit of it, he would drop. It would look like nothing more than an OD in the alley. They would trace the drugs back to the room, his fingerprints would be there, and I could wipe my hands off it.

Soon enough I heard the sirens blaring and then a commotion from the back. I hid in the shadows and waited for them to appear. The back door burst open and the six people stumbled out, rushing to get out into the alley. Luckily he was the last one, and I fluidly pulled him into a strong hold and pulled him behind the dumpster, effectively incapacitating him with my hold.

"Fuck! Where did Leeks go?" I heard one of the guys shout.

"Fuck it. C'mon dude, you know we're so fucked if we get caught here." The other man said, and the five took off down the alley.

I looked down at the subject in my arms and he was squirming but I had him pressed against the brick. In a matter of seconds I administered the poison, and he fell limp against the wall.

And I was off. I couldn't think. I didn't look at his face. I just needed to get out. My adrenaline was racing and not in a good way. I just killed a man. Fuck. I had to get that thought out of my head. It was why I never said anything to any of them. I didn't want to leave any bit of me with them, even though I knew I died a little every time I did it.

I hated hand to hand; it was worse than eyeing someone down with my rifle. I felt like a monster—evil—like the worst kind of human being. My feet pounded against the pavement and I wove my way back to the shop. My heart was pounding, and I was sweating under my heavy clothes. I quickly deposited my equipment and caught a cab for Battery Park. I would call in the success and then lay low for a bit before returning to my apartment.

I stepped out of the cab and made the call. I didn't know who I spoke with, but it didn't matter. It was all coded anyway.

I made my way into the park. The crack addicts and homeless people were out in full force. This was not a safe place to be at night for most people.

But I was an assassin. And if anyone fucked with me right now, it would be the wrong fucking time. I just fucking killed someone. I was in a zone, a red zone. The zone I was trained to get into.

I sat in the park and put my head in my hands. Some of the vagrants eyed me suspiciously, but something about the way I was sitting probably told them to back the fuck off. I finally willed myself to calm down, but I was different this time.

This wasn't like my kills in Romania. It was so much harder…worse. I didn't want to drown in Tuica and I didn't want to think about my mission or how it would get me to the next phase. I was in the next phase, and what was this getting me? It was getting me inside, or closer, but I felt more like a monster than I ever had before. I just wanted it all to be over. I was appalled with myself, and for the first time I loathed being an agent.

 _Where the fuck is this coming from?_

I sat in the park for what seemed like hours until peaks of sunlight started to come up over the harbor.

It was then that I realized where I was.

Less than a quarter mile from the Towers.

Less than a quarter mile from Eric's grave. The only grave his real body went to anyway.

I quickly stood up and made my way out of the park and caught a cab. An hour later I walked into my apartment and crashed onto my bed. I just wanted to forget my night. I wanted to forget everything.

Everything except Bella.

*&^%$#

I felt like shit. I had felt like shit since I returned home last night. I knew the feeling; I knew it all too well. It was the aftereffects of executing my assignment. But for some reason this one was so much more real. He was young, probably just a stupid kid who got caught up in the wrong crowd and came from nothing. He likely thought his only way out was through the Dracs and so he got tangled up in them. I had seen it too many times in my work.

In my first undercover mission I had played a key part in taking down the Volturis. I was young and fresh, and the Bureau had been working the Volturis for so long that men had retired from the mission. They brought me in to help take down Aro Volturi, who to this day was rotting in the New York State Penitentiary. His right hand man was my first kill and the one that gave me my scar.

I slipped out of my shirt and stepped into a long hot shower. My muscles were tense even though I had slept for almost eight hours. It was late afternoon, and I needed to connect with Seth tonight. He had some news on a shipment coming in to one of the Dracs properties in Brooklyn.

I scrubbed down my weary body, and my fingers trailed over the scar on my left side. Carlo, Volturi's man, cut me pretty good before I sliced his throat with his own knife. It was like a street fight—two thugs in a rundown warehouse in Jersey.

Now, I didn't even keep count. I couldn't because it would only repeatedly remind me of what I had become. Sure, I was an agent. Sure, I was the best at what I did. But sometimes being the best at something isn't a good thing.

I shaved, toweled off and pulled on some workout clothes. I needed to hit the gym; take out some of my aggression. Luckily there was a seedy old boxing joint just down the street from my new apartment. So I threw on some sweats and a hoodie and ran down there.

I put in forty minutes on the treadmill, lifted weights and then kicked the fuck out of some old punching bags. I felt better, lighter once I left and returned to my place only to need another shower.

I pulled out my drawer in my bedside table to quickly check that my Glock and badge were still in place when I noticed it.

It was the second phone.

 _Maybe if I called her she could help relieve some of my ache. Maybe if I just heard her voice, it would be like last night when she touched me. Like novacaine; she could numb me._

Before I could overthink it, I quickly pulled out the phone and hit send from the prior calls list, because it was the only number in the phone. I heard it ring a few times and glanced at the clock. It was 7:00. Surely she should be home.

Just as I was about to hang up, her smooth voice came on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Hey…how are you?" She sounded tired. I wondered if she'd had another long day at work. Hopefully she didn't have any more run-ins with James.

"I'm okay…" I sighed.

"Ed…Um Apollo….E, what's wrong?" She finally asked. I couldn't help but smile at her name for me. I wanted to tell her; I wanted to talk but I couldn't.

 _But isn't that why you called her?_

"Um…tough night." I said hesitantly.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I do but…"

"You can't. It's okay. I understand."

There was a silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

"You can talk to me you know? Whatever it is…once you _can_ talk about it." She said then.

How did she always know exactly what I needed to hear? Even if I couldn't tell her, just the thought that she would be there to listen was comforting.

"Thanks."

There was another pause, and I could hear her breathing on the other end. It was a slow steady rhythm, and I found that the sound was calming me as much as her voice.

"So, I was going to ask you something last night. But I don't know if I should over…this." She said then.

"It's okay. We shouldn't talk about too much…I just…" Could I tell her? Could I tell her she was my lifeline; that I mostly just wanted to hear her voice?

 _Fuck it._

"I just wanted to be able to hear your voice." I said before I could think anymore.

"Oh…" I could almost picture her blushing on the other end. The warm heat seeping its way down her cheeks, to her neck and to her…

 _Shit._

"I like hearing your voice too…" She said then and warmth spread through my body this time. Not in an imagination of her, but warmth that something as simple as speaking to her brought to me.

"Mijn Zon…" I trailed off. I wanted to see her again. But was it too soon? Surely I could get in and out undetected.

Slow. We were going to go slow. But before I could ask her she said something.

"I love it when you call me that." She said quietly.

And once again I determined…. _fuck it._

"Can I see you…again I mean?"

"Of course." She responded almost breathlessly. "In fact, I was thinking…maybe dinner?" I could hear the question in the end of her words.

Dinner with a woman…when was the last time I did that? I couldn't even remember. And yet even better, dinner with Bella.

"Dinner. Yes. When?"

"I can't tomorrow. How about Thursday?"

"Perfect."

"Okay." I could hear the smile in her voice, and I smiled in return.

"Thursday, Mijn Zon." I quickly pulled the phone from my ear and hit end.

I felt lighter, calmer, and yet my body was tingling everywhere.

Yes. Thursday, Mijn Zon.

*&^%$#

Two hours later I was waiting on a dark corner in Brooklyn. I was only ten blocks from one of the old warehouses I had scoped out only a week ago, yet I was a bit unnerved. Something was off about tonight, and I couldn't quite place it.

Clearwater was to meet me here in five minutes. Hopefully his arrival would bring with it some more information. He had been working his sources since our last meeting on Saturday.

Suddenly I noticed a tall figure walking down the street. It was dark out, but with my vision and even though he was lurking in the shadows I could tell it was Seth. He was smoking a cigarette pretending to be out for a midnight stroll and had happened upon me.

"Emil, my friend. What brings you to Brooklyn?"

"Ah, no particular reason. What are you doing out at this time of the night?"

"Pssh, it's early. How about a beer?"

"Sounds good."

We ducked into a bar across the street and found a quiet booth.

"So what did you find out?" I asked quietly. We were once again the only ones sitting in a booth, and I was constantly looking for any sign that we were being watched. Of course we were in a random pub in Brooklyn so no one was any wiser.

"They have a new point."

"Where?"

"Some new sports complex being built down where the old shipyards used to be. You know where they're putting up all those new high rise condos now?"

"Yeah, I know the area. What's it have to do with shipments?" I asked.

"They're using the building site to bring things in and out. You know, lots of cartons, big shipments of steel and things coming and going every day. And lots of dark corners." He whispered.

"I see. And who do you think the tie is?"

"I don't know who the tie is yet. I suspect Laurent Dufour though. I saw some cartons with the VR symbol on them."

VR. Van Rijn. Shit.

"You're sure?" I said tentatively.

"Positive."

"Fuck." I groaned.

"What's wrong?" He peered at me.

"Nothing. It's just…nothing."

He nodded, seemingly content to leave it at that for now.

We talked a bit more about the site. Apparently it was huge. It was a complex with over twenty basketball courts, tennis courts, football, baseball and soccer fields, a pool and diving area, an indoor track and a fitness center. Of course it was all a new age design with lots of high beams; perfect for larges shipments of columns, steel and glass. Perfect to sneak in a few thousand pounds of something else with them as well.

I left Clearwater and went home and pondered the connection of Van Rijn. My family didn't have any part in running the company anymore, but they were major stockholders. Of course if I told them to sell their stock that would surely violate insider trading or some shit, wouldn't it? And surely if the shipping company was connected with something as bad as the Draconis, especially after the family was brought down, its stock would plummet.

 _Fuck._

I made my way back to Manhattan pondering our next steps in the mission. Seth was sure there was a shipment coming in on Saturday night. I wanted to get in on it. In some form, whether formally through the Dracs or just casing it. Maybe I would see some other faces I recognized and start to piece it together. As for now the project looked legit; it was a big new development in a rundown part of Brooklyn. It was bringing life back to a crime-ridden neighborhood and all the while cloaking the worst of crimes with its construction. Still we didn't have much more than the fact that the Dracs originally owned the property and Van Rijn was shipping in an abundance of the product for the project. We would have to get closer to find out who the players were, and eventually find out just what was being shipped to the site.

I walked into my apartment ready to crash. Even though I slept for eight hours earlier today, my body was still on a letdown from my assignment last night. Not to mention tense from the new information about the Van Rijn Corporation.

I stripped down and prepared for bed. I slipped under my covers thinking of how much better it would be if I had a warm body beside me; one particular warm body in fact. But I knew things were a long way from that. I was still skeptical of the whole situation.

What could I even provide her? What could I bring to the relationship? Surely she wouldn't want to pursue something with me? Especially if I remained undercover. But at the same time, the thought of not seeing her almost tore me in two.

I wanted her, on every level possible. I just wasn't sure how I could have her or how she wanted me.

*&^%$#

 _"_ _Edward…" She breathed. I felt slow, sensual kisses moving their way up my abdomen. My muscles rippled at the sensation, and I could feel silky hair fluttering along behind her lips._

 _Her hands were gently, but firmly, kneading my muscles and I shuddered and tensed under the feel of her fingers. God her hands and her lips on me…_

 _"_ _Edward…" She whispered again as her lips made their way to the pulse point on my neck._

 _"_ _Bella…" I groaned at the feel of her hair tickling my chest and her lips on my neck, sucking and making my eyes roll back in my head. I lifted my hands to her face and felt the perfect porcelain skin under my fingertips. I brought her up to kiss me as she pressed her entire body against the length of my body, and I shuddered again._

 _I crashed my lips to hers and she moaned this time into my mouth. She was berries and chocolate and heaven with a hint of vodka. Her hair was all around me now, cascading, the scent penetrating my senses and making my arousal all the more prominent against her belly._

 _She ground into me, and I growled into the kiss, biting her lip and causing her to kiss me more forcefully back. We were in a dance, our tongues and our hips in rapid succession, fighting, pulsing to win out the battle. Until suddenly, she pulled away and sat up on me._

 _For the first time I opened my eyes to look into her deep espresso spheres and they were smoldering at me. She was perfect, the curves of her body accentuated in the dim moonlight. I reached up to run my fingers lightly over her nipples, slightly pinching, and they puckered at my touch. Then I palmed her and she moaned and ground into me again making me reciprocate the sound._

 _"_ _Edward...I want you." Her eyes were burning now. Her hands began slowly descending down my chest, circling, pushing, urging, feeling until she ran her hand along my length, and I groaned loudly._

 _"_ _Bella…I want you too." I felt her take me in her soft hands and I was lost to the sensation as she pumped me over and over. My hips were thrusting up into her._

 _"_ _God…Bella." I grunted._

 _"_ _Shhh...this is just for you." And suddenly warm heat engulfed me and I looked down to see her perfect pink lips around me…"_

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

 _What the fuck?_

"Shit!" I groaned and suddenly I was falling and slammed into a surface.

"Fuck!" I rubbed my head and blinked dazedly. I was lying on the floor beside my bed, and I reached up and slammed my hand down on the alarm.

Fucking hell. Another intense dream of her. It was so real. Her scent, her taste, her skin, the feel of her silky hair. Fuck.

I looked down and realized I know had a little…err rather large problem to attend to and I scrubbed my hands down my face. I had been having dreams of her but nothing quite like that yet. My fantasies in the shower were more vivid maybe, but nothing as real as that dream.

 _God what is it with this woman?_

I felt like my body was on fire. I was smoldering from the inside out and I knew the only thing that could put out the fire was Bella.

 _But I promised her we would take it slow._

 _Shit this is going to be hard._

 _Hard._

"Damnit." I groaned.

I got up to take off for a cold shower and instantly met relief as I turned on the blasting water. I stood until I trembled and finally shut off the water. I needed to meet with Seth today and do some more leg work. I needed to get Bella off of my mind, because even if I was going to pursue her on the sly, I still had to focus on my mission. I had a job to do.

*&^%$#

I spent the day at the county recorder's office. I was perusing for connections between the new building site and the Draconi family. I wanted to see what kind of cover names or who else could be connected to the matter.

I was searching through some property transfer records when I heard a familiar voice out at the counter.

I looked out to see none other than James Raven.

Son-of-a-bitch. With him standing so close, it took everything I had in me not to charge out front and take him down. But I couldn't let him see me. Instead I eyed him from the back. He was dressed to a tee in a navy blue power suit. His briefcase was in hand and dirty blond hair gelled up.

I heard him hand the recorder a deed and instruct her to put it in a file of some sort.

"That should be the last of the properties for the development."

"Great, Mr. Raven." Poor woman actually seemed to be overcome by him.

"Thank you, Mary Anne. Always a pleasure." He plastered a fake smile on his face and walked out.

I decided to wait a few minutes and then inquire about the property where the new development was being built. I quickly pulled up a deed from the address and wrote down the names of the previous owners. I walked back out front and saw Mary Anne typing at her desk.

"Ma'am?"

"Oh." She looked up nervously, so I gave her my best smirk.

 _Two can play that game._

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." I said and she melted.

"N-no. Of course not. What can I do for you?"

"I was just looking at a deed for my great aunt and uncle's place." I flipped it in front of her. "It was down in the old shipyard district. You know…where the new sports complex is going in? I was just wondering who their property had been sold to but I couldn't find their deed." I smiled sweetly at her, and her eyes fluttered.

"Y-yes. The new waterfront project. Well, the Buxton Group bought all of the property, but not all of the deeds have been recorded yet. In fact, I just got one in a few minutes ago."

"Really? Was that the man I saw here before? I feel like I recognized him from somewhere." I said sweetly again and leaned over on the counter.

I heard her breath catch and her eyes fluttered again.

"Yes, Mr. Raven. He's so nice; he's brought in all the deeds for the project."

"Ah. Well, maybe I will just come back once they're all recorded." I pushed away from the counter and started to step toward the door.

"Thank you…Mary Anne was it?"

"Yes." She blushed.

"Thank you, Mary Anne." I said and I stepped out the door.

Indeed. Raven's firm was recording all the deeds for the property transfers, which meant they were likely taking care of all of the real estate transactions. Thinking back to my law degree I knew that they probably had to get both an assessment and file some papers with the courts. I would just have to do a little more research and find out whose names were on those papers. And just maybe, we would be one step closer to tracking their shipments, their partners and their finances.

*&^%$#

I spent the rest of the afternoon pacing around my apartment and thinking about some of the connections Clearwater and I had made. We had made a lot of progress very quickly and for that I was grateful. Obviously it would be easier here since we were in the U.S., but also I wasn't working alone. I knew I would have to go back to the club soon and hang out with the boys a bit. I loathed the idea, but I figured I should go on Friday night.

Which made it all the more perfect that I was going to Bella's for dinner tonight. I didn't know what to expect. Was this a first date? What was this? Since I wasn't taking her anywhere it felt almost as though we were past that. And things were never awkward between us, rather they were intense. Every time I was in the same room with her there was a buzz of energy. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

Finally, 6:30 rolled around. I had texted her earlier in the day and found out that I should come over around 8:00. Ironically she was playing racquetball with my sister and her friend Kate. I wanted to be there early, and I needed to make sure I took plenty of detours since it was light outside.

At last at 7:30 I kept my head down and pulled my shirt up as I shimmied up her fire escape. Luckily, it was the type that faced only a brick wall. I had already checked for security cameras and didn't find any. I was also careful to make sure no one was watching me.

I nudged her window open and stepped inside. It was just as I had found it on Monday and filled with her divine aroma. It smelled like coffee and cinnamon and berries. It was small, but clean and well maintained. I could tell either she or the prior owner must have remodeled because the floors were hardwood and buffed to a shiny polished perfection. It was light and warm and so very Bella. I had yet to venture into her bedroom because I didn't want to tempt myself. But the living room, dining and kitchen area were minimally decorated with clean lines and beautiful furniture which perfectly accentuated the restored crown molding. It was the exact type of place I would want to live in on the Upper West Side. Warm and cozy and so much different than my big, airy, cold loft with Claire.

Just as I did on Monday, I wandered over to her iPod and flipped through it to turn on some music. I was so out of touch with everything; it was a good thing she liked classic rock as much as I did. I found her eclectic selection so unbelievably fitting to what mine would be. She had tons of Led Zeppelin as she had told me and then of course, the Stones, Dylan, Fleetwood Mac, Tom Petty, Aerosmith, and the rest of the greats.

But tonight I wanted something a little slower. I scrolled to her most played list and saw an interesting song at the top of the list. _I'm yours_ by _Jason Mraz._

 _Had she been playing that recently because of me?_

I put the iPod on and found the song light and soothing. I wandered back to her book collection and found an array of the classics as well as several art books on sculpting, painting, and biographies of famous artists. She had a huge bookshelf and I couldn't even begin to imagine when she found the time to read all this stuff.

Suddenly the door opened and in walked Bella with her hands full. I quickly strode over to her to grab the bag of groceries she was carrying. She was dressed from work, but she had obviously showered at the gym because her hair was wet and pulled up in a bun. She didn't have an ounce of make-up on and she looked absolutely perfect because of it. She was a natural beauty. Her translucent skin gleamed next to the light blue blouse she was wearing, and then I glanced down her body to see she had on a fitted black skirt and black heels.

I had to keep myself from groaning.

 _Fuck. This is going to be so much harder than I thought._

"I didn't think you would be here yet. Sorry I'm kind of a mess." She ran her hand to her hair sheepishly. I lifted my hand up to hers.

"Not at all. You look great." I said thickly as I drank her in. Our eyes locked and the hum was back.

"I um…was thinking we could broil some steaks, and I will make my special potatoes." She smiled then.

"Steaks sound great."

"Do you want a glass of wine?"

"Sure. Whatever you're having." She nodded and I set her groceries on the counter.

"Can I help with something?"

"Why don't you peel the potatoes, and I will open the wine?"

"Ok."

Regardless of the tension in the air between us, we chatted about little things while we prepared food. She told me about the upcoming fundraiser and all the work she was doing to prepare for it. I, of course, couldn't offer her anything in return but to listen to her. And I didn't mind; I loved hearing her voice. I loved watching her move around the kitchen so effortlessly. I would catch myself stopping just to watch her, and as soon as she would almost catch me I would look away. She was so calm, warm and…happy.

"I've been meaning to ask you something." She said as we were setting the table.

She bit her lip and looked a little embarrassed about it.

"What is it, Bella?"

She looked up at me then. "You haven't…I mean…the last two Mondays I received flowers at work…you uh…you didn't send them did you?" She stammered.

I was perplexed. Flowers? Was there someone else besides James? No. I had to dismiss that thought right away. If there was one thing I noticed about Bella in our limited time together, she was extremely loyal. Loyal and selfless and somewhat oblivious to how heart-stoppingly beautiful she is. I was sure she wasn't the type to play around. Moreover, she wouldn't be taking a risk like this if there was another person.

I noticed the flowers on Monday, but I was too concerned with how she looked and I also didn't see a card in them, so I thought maybe she had just bought them.

"No. Why? You don't know who sent them?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry to assume…"

"Bella. I would love to send you flowers…I just can't." She smiled shyly and looked down. "But who do you think sent them?"

"I don't know."

"That's odd…" She nodded in agreement.

"What did they say?"

Then she told me how they didn't have a name on them, only the type of the flowers and what they meant when she looked them up.

"I just find it odd that someone would take the time to send flowers and not say who they are from." She said confusedly.

"Yeah." I agreed. But in the back of my mind I catalogued that information for later. Hopefully it wasn't James, or some other admirer.

 _Speaking of which._

"Bella, I've been meaning to ask you. How did you know the man at the club?"

She looked at me quizzically and then she gasped. "You saw that?"

"Yeah." I said sheepishly this time. "I was in the VIP room. That's how I saw you run out with Raven..." I paused and walked around the table to her until we were only inches apart.

"You said you had a restraining order against him. Is that true?" I asked worriedly. Demitri was not a good person and that bit of information concerned me.

"Yeah. Um, in college."

"How did that come about?" I needed to know. I needed to know if he was still a threat.

"Well, we met at an art history class and I thought we became friends. But then he would start showing up all the time. At the library, at my job, and eventually at my apartment, and I had never told him where I lived. We were never romantically involved, just acquaintances. I filed a report with the campus police. I guess it wasn't truly a restraining order, but he was told to stay away from me. I never saw him again after that." She shrugged.

How much could I tell her? Pain instantly ran through me, she had to know just how bad Demitri was though.

 _I couldn't imagine if…Fuck._

The thought my stomach clench.

"Bella." I touched her arm gently. "He's a _very_ dangerous person. You should be very careful around him." Her eyes flashed in horror.

"He told me James said he would share me." She rasped.

"What?" I seethed and anger and fear instantly coursed through me. "He said that to you at the club?"

She nodded.

"I'll kill him. I'll tear him limb from limb if he does anything to you." It came out before I could even think. Before I could even ponder it.

She gasped, and I noticed we were now mere inches from each other and her espresso brown eyes were searing into mine.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No Edward." She put her fingers on my lips, and they were so soft I just wanted to pull them into my mouth. Electricity shot through me and I could feel myself hardening from her one simple touch.

"I just wasn't expecting you to be so…" She trailed off and looked down, but I brought her chin back up to look at me.

"Bella…I feel very…protective of you." I could feel her pulse quicken under my hands as I realized I had both of my hands on her shoulders now.

She was so close I could smell the sweet scent in her shampoo, and I could feel her chest rising and falling. Ever so slowly I ran my hand up the side of her neck and into her hair. She tipped her head and closed her eyes and her breath hitched. I pulled on her hair and it came spilling out of the bun. My senses were assaulted with berries and vanilla and cinnamon. I ran my fingers through her wet tendrils and felt the softness of her hair and desire coursed through me. I watched as they dropped and the waves form around her shoulders.

"Bella." I said thickly.

"Edward." She whispered.

Slowly, I lowered my head to bring my lips to hers when a screeching sound erupted from the kitchen and she jumped.

Smoke was seeping into the dining room and she ran to the kitchen to open the oven.

"Shit!" She hollered, and I ran in after her as I saw her pull out two charred steaks.

"I can't believe I didn't even hear the timer." She grumbled as she swatted the screeching fire detector with an oven mitt. I quickly grabbed one and helped her, but I couldn't help smirk at the reason for her distraction.

"Well, it looks like it's just potatoes and salad. I think I might have some grilled chicken to throw in with it." She said dejectedly.

"I'm fine with anything." I answered honestly and she nodded.

She quickly mashed the potatoes, and I cut up the chicken to toss in the salad and we took everything to the dining room.

"So tell me about your family." I asked her.

"Well, it's very small, just me and Charlie and my Mom is remarried." She shrugged.

"Charlie?" I asked.

"My Dad. I call him Charlie, I have since I was little." She blushed a bit, and I wanted to reach out and run my hands down her cheek.

Then she told me about her relationship with her Dad and her brother. I was amazed at how she talked so effortlessly about him yet again. She obviously adored them both. I could tell she didn't have as good of a relationship with Renee and Phil.

"So, what about your family? I have met your parents. They are very nice."

"You've met my parents?" I was surprised by this.

"Of course, you're Alice's brother." She teased and I smiled. I told her all about growing up on the Upper East Side and our house in the Hamptons. I told her about meeting Jasper in school and how Alice just knew he was going to be it for her from the first day they met. We laughed and joked and I hadn't felt so light in forever. Being with her just made all of the heartache and all of the stress of the last few days go away.

Before I knew what I was doing I launched into a story from my childhood. "I remember this one time when Eric wanted to meet one of the girls that lived down the beach from us in the Hamptons. He devised this plan to sneak out at night and go down to her house, only to get chased off by her Dad's Mastiff. I have never seen him run so fast in my life." I was laughing at the memory of his hair flying in his eyes and the look of sheer panic. "What he didn't know was that the dog wasn't even a guard dog. It was a giant, but it was as docile as could be." I laughed and looked up and she was smiling intently at me.

I realized then what had happened. I had told her a story about Eric, and it didn't hurt, it felt…good.

I became quiet as I looked back down at my salad when I felt her hand on mine. The warmth radiated up my arm and into my spine. I looked back up at her and I could see the caring in her eyes, and it wasn't sympathy. It was empathy. She knew, yet somehow she was able to handle it so much better and move on.

She squeezed my arm and then let go and went back to eating and changed the subject. But that simple gesture showed just how well she knew me; she knew how to react, even though we hardly knew each other at all.

 ******* We chatted and finished dinner. I was helping her clean up in the kitchen when there was a lull. A song came on and it sounded like John Mayer. I didn't know it but I listened to the words and watched as Bella hummed to it and swayed next to the sink.

I was captured by her hips moving and her now dry wavy hair spilling down her back. She was so beautiful and natural and just…her. I stood there staring at her for…I didn't even know how long.

Without thinking, I walked up behind her and put my arms on her shoulders and she shuddered and stopped cleaning the dishes. She drew a breath and I lightly ran my hands down her arms and finally rested them on her waist. Then she sighed and leaned her head back and relaxed into me, and I almost moaned at the heat from her body seeping into mine. Again a barrage of scents and feelings enveloped me.

She slowly turned and put her hands on my chest. They were covered in soap but I didn't care. I kept my hands on her waist but then slowly moved them to her lower back and pulled her closer to me and she gasped.

We just stood there staring at each other, our eyes penetrating into the other's soul; the music filling the silence. And without meaning to we were lightly swaying to the song.

"I like this song. What is it? John Mayer?"

"Yeah…" She breathed. "It's called _Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_." She said then as she licked her lips. My eyes danced between hers and her lips. I wanted to taste her. Hell I wanted to taste all of her, but I wanted to taste her perfect pink lips again.

"Is that what we're doing?" She finally said.

"What?" I said thickly.

"Slow dancing in a burning room." She rasped.

I smiled lightly but my eyes remained on hers. "I suppose, because sometimes I feel like I am burning when I am around you." I murmured as I slowly lowered my head to her ear, and I could hear her breath quicken. "But it's a good burn." I added as I lightly kissed her neck.

She moaned and her fingers clasped my shirt. "The best kind of burn." She said huskily, and I felt her lips on my pulse point.

Without another thought, I lifted my head and looked into her smoldering eyes and mumbled, "Mijn Zon."

I crashed my lips to hers and pulled her tightly against me. My body erupted as though fireworks were set off from some place deep inside me. I groaned into the kiss, tasting the wine from earlier and her own unique taste. Her hands flew to my hair and gently tugged. The sensation sent sparks shooting down my spine and straight to my cock.

God I wanted her. I had never wanted someone so much in my life. I _was_ burning. I was burning with need for her as our mouths met in a fiery kiss. I traced my tongue over her lower lip and she opened for me more widely and our tongues moved back and forth in a perfect rhythm.

Before I knew it, I had her pressed against the counter and her fingers were clutching at my hair. The feeling was a little painful but so much more pleasurable. She broke away and took a deep breath, and so did I. Then we reconnected and this time she pressed her lips to mine even more forcefully than before, and I leaned into her. She groaned as she could feel every inch of me against her. I lifted her up and set her on the counter and ran my hands down her sides to her hips and her legs. I could feel the muscles in her legs, and her skirt had slowly ridden up as I stepped between them and let my fingers trail up her silky skin.

She felt and tasted like heaven; her mouth against mine and her skin under my fingertips. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to the edge of the counter as I pressed into her again and we both shuddered at the contact.

Our mouths broke apart ,and my lips found her pulse point this time. She tipped her head back letting out a breathy moan. I realized that if we didn't stop soon, I was going to take her on her kitchen counter. As fuckhot as that would be, we needed to take this slow. We needed to get to know each other, and I needed to tell her so many things before we could continue.

I pulled my lips from her neck and pressed my forehead to her collarbone.

 _Oh, but you're so close, so close to that perfect pair of…_

 _No. Not yet._

We were both panting and trying to regain our composure, and I was so hard, I didn't think I could possibly have any blood left in any other part of my body. My arms were still around her and she was lightly caressing the hair at the base of my neck.

At last I brought my eyes to hers, and then I placed a gentle kiss on her lips. She sighed.

"That was…" She murmured.

"I know…"

"I'm burning."

I chuckled. "Me too." And I lightly kissed her again and sighed. "But I should go." I whispered.

She looked at me then and nodded. I stepped back and helped her off the counter and she walked me to the fire escape.

"So Apollo, do you think you will ever use the door." She teased. I could tell she was trying to relieve some of the tension in the room.

"Someday. I promise." I leaned down and lightly kissed her and ran my fingers through her hair one more time. She shivered and held my hand to her cheek.

We stood there for a moment simply staring at each other.

Remorsefully, I pulled my hand away and whispered to her.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Edward."

*&^%$#

I awoke on Saturday morning groggy. I stayed late at the club last night for appearances sake. Not to mention I was inundated with erotic dreams about Bella the last two nights. After our intense kiss in her kitchen, which easily replaced the first as the best kiss of my life, I felt like I was going to self-combust. Needless to say when I returned home from her place I had to relieve that problem again.

It was my birthday. But it didn't feel like it. I long ago released any expectations for fun on my birthday. In fact, if I wouldn't have looked at the Calendar I probably wouldn't have even noticed. I was officially thirty-six. And what did I have to show for it?

I didn't allow myself to dwell on it too much. Instead I hit the gym down the street and was even able to spar with a guy for a while. He was okay, but of course I only put forth about one quarter of my skill. Still it was nice to work on some of my martial arts moves.

I spent the rest of the day on Saturday at the NYU law library in disguise. I searched through the free online database for court documents filed in relation to the Buxton Project. I learned that's what the papers were calling the large sports complex as well as the condominiums being built in the old Brooklyn shipyards.

Apparently the Buxton Group was a group of several former athletes, lucrative agents and owners that went together in the expansion. I didn't find much by way of court documents, but I knew if I kept digging I would find something connecting Buxton to Raven and hopefully then to the Draconis. I was still unsettled by Van Rijn's part in this whole thing and tossed around the idea of informing my father.

Later that night, Clearwater and I decided to scope out one of the apparent Saturday night shipments.

I made my way to Brooklyn around 10:00 once darkness fell and met Clearwater at a deserted warehouse only seven blocks from the site.

We snuck into the project and found a good vantage point to watch the shipment come in. We waited and scoped out the grounds hopefully far enough away. It took a few hours but of course undercover work was all about the waiting, the patience, watching the clock tick your life away.

There was access by water to the site and sure enough, at 2:00 A.M. a ship pulled into the docks. I pulled out my binoculars and I could see several men attending to the dock. Finally a man exited that looked familiar to me. I would recognize his gait anywhere.

 _Demitri._

I used my binoculars and scoped out at least eight of them. They were all male and all Romanian with the exception of a blond haired man. He looked like he was Dutch. I would know. Unfortunately that probably meant the connection to Van Rijn was true.

I scanned the premises again when I heard a car pulling up to the site. Suddenly two more men stepped out, and I recognized them instantly. They were the men from the bar on Monday; the men in the back room with my assignment.

I felt Clearwater tense next to me, and I turned to look at him.

He had a look of pure rage on his face. He was usually so calm and collected.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" He hissed.

"Who?"

"My brother-in-law."

 **XXXX**


	11. Chapter 11: Longing

**Chapter 11: Longing**

 ** _I Can't Quit You Baby by Led Zeppelin_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

"Miss Swan?" A whiny voice broke into my consciousness.

What?

"Miss Swa-an?"

 _Goddamnit._

I looked up to find Lauren with her arms crossed and tapping her foot incessantly at my door.

"Yes Lauren, what can I help you with?"

"I can't figure out how to start my description for the Egyptian portion of the new exhibition."

I sighed. The last place I wanted to be was at work today. I was in a fog. I only wanted to be in one place.

Back at my apartment.

In bed.

With Edward.

 _Shit._

I shook my head trying to pull myself out of my lustful thoughts. They were only in my mind and in my dreams anyway. But it had been impossible since he left Thursday night. I took a cold shower, the first real cold shower I had ever taken in my life, only to go to bed and still have to take care of the burning need in my center. To top it off, I had a vivid dream of him. His hands, his lips, his hard muscular body pressed against mine. I felt like I was on fire when we were in the kitchen, I never wanted a man so much, so desperately. I thought about him all weekend, all the time.

"Miss SWA-AN?" Lauren harrumphed, and I sighed again and shut my laptop. My interns were a real pain in the ass this year. If it wasn't Mike Newton hitting on me, it was Lauren and Jessica whining and complaining about every project or assignment I gave them.

The problem was, Lauren was the daughter of a major contributor to the Met and I had to deal with her, at least for this summer anyway. Next year if she applied to the program I would place her in a different department.

I got up from my desk and walked out to the front area where the interns' cubicles were located. Suddenly I heard snickering.

 _What now?_

I looked up to see the same delivery boy who had brought me blue salvia two weeks ago.

 _Was that really only two weeks ago?_

Crap. That meant I was getting another set of flowers, and from whom I had no clue.

I quickly took the flowers from the boy and told Lauren I would be back in a moment to help her with her project.

I set the beautiful white flowers on the edge of my desk. The same place that I put the last two and grabbed the card. I knew what they were already but I thought just maybe the person sending them would finally identify themselves.

I opened the card and looked at the name.

 _Gardenia._

I sighed. Nothing more was included.

I stepped over to my computer and pulled up the same website.

 _Gardenia- I love you in secret._

What?

Who?

 _What the hell does that mean?_

I stood there wavering in a state between bewilderment and trepidation over the random flowers sitting on my desk.

Who the hell would send me flowers that meant _that_?

Edward said he didn't send them.

James got angry when I asked him about the flowers.

 _Maybe he didn't send the first ones but had he sent the last two?_

Who else could it be? It wasn't Charlie, or Sam and Emily or Renee.

Maybe someone was just fucking with me. But I didn't know anyone who would pull a practical joke quite like this.

Finally, I got up from my desk and walked out to help Lauren.

I felt more confused than ever and still in a fog. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I just knew I wanted to know who the flowers were from and soon because I didn't need any more craziness in my life.

 _Well eventually they had to send me something indicating who they were from. The person couldn't just keep sending me flowers forever._

*&^%$#

I walked home that night to find my apartment cold and lonely. After the sweltering heat that enveloped it on Thursday I couldn't help but notice how cold it seemed when Edward wasn't there. He had only been over twice, and one of those times was only for a brief moment.

But I found myself hoping, and longing for him to be there every night. I knew he had a job to do, and he was probably already risking a lot to see me. But I craved him. I craved his presence, and that thought exhilarated me and scared the hell out of me at the same time.

Not long ago I would have run from want like that. I had always fought off those feelings of desperation, especially after everything that happened with Alec.

I pushed open the door to my condo and breathed in the smell. It was home, but it was…colder somehow. I wanted to see him so badly, yet I knew he had to contact me.

Instead, I made my way into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine as I kicked off my shoes. I sat down at the breakfast bar and thought about the feelings running through my body. The intense desire, the longing, the…wonder about what lay beneath his tough façade. But somehow I knew. I knew that underneath that dark exterior, that black t-shirt and those piercing green eyes was a passionate, caring, and utterly heartbroken man. I just had to find a way into it.

Thinking about Edward made me immediately think about my weekend, and about the men in my life who had shown interest that I never gave the time of day…

 _Friday I spent in a haze and when I went to happy hour with Jasper, Rose, Alice, Kate and Jasper's friend Hale. I knew they were trying to set me up with Hale, they had tried before and I just wasn't interested. He was nice enough, but I had someone in my life, and not just any someone._

 _As the night progressed, they all gave me peculiar glances and wondered at my inattention._

 _When I caught a cab for home from the bar Alice put her hand on my arm as I got in._

 _"_ _Are you okay Bella? You've been acting strange all night." She peered at me._

 _"_ _I'm fine, Alice." I pushed out a smile. "I'm just tired. It's been a long week at work."_

 _She nodded, but I knew she could tell I was lying. Once again when I made my way home on Friday night I was assaulted with images of him. I hadn't even washed my shirt from the day before and instead laid it across the chair in my room so I could have a bit of his scent. It was by far the strangest thing I had ever done regarding a man. I spent the night as restless and…burning as I had the night before._

 _Then on Saturday I left for Brooklyn to teach my class with Angela. It was our last class until after the holiday. We had a two week break before starting the next session. I was pleased to find out that Angela and Ben went on a date on Thursday night. She gushed to me about what a gentleman and how sweet he was. I tried to act excited for her. I had been one of the people to help set them up after all. But I felt myself longing for the ability to go out on a normal date with Edward._

 _Would it always be this way? Would we always just see each other in secret?_

 _I knew I felt more attracted and connected to him than I could possibly fathom at this point. But was that enough? Was being with him in just the confines of my home enough?_

 _After my class I went over to Charlie's for the baseball game. My Dad and the boys were all gathered in the living room as they had been the last time I was there. We sat and drank some beers and cheered for the Yankees when I noticed Jacob looked a little uneasy. He kept glancing at me and then quickly looking away. Then Leah would eye him and try to get their boys to settle down as they jumped around cheering for the Yankees._

 _Embry and Quil were seven and five now. I couldn't believe that he had a third one on the way. I couldn't imagine myself in that position right now. Children were the furthest thing from my mind. Hell, I couldn't even wrap my mind around the "somewhat" relationship I did have._

 _What did we have?_

 _But I looked at Embry and Quil and began to wonder what I would think if it was Edward and not Jacob who invoked thoughts of children. Would it be different?_

 _Somewhere deep inside me I knew the answer to that…and it scared the shit out of me._

 _I glanced at Leah, and she had a scowl on her face. Leah hated me; there was no question about that. Jacob had longed for me for many years before I finally told him to shove off. It was only then that he would give Leah the time of day. Jake was twenty-seven at the time and Leah was the same age. They married only a year later and had Embry a year after that._

 _The boys were named after each of their grandfather's on their father's side. The Clearwaters and the Blacks had moved to New York when they were just out of high school. They were both young couples in search of a new life and opportunities off of the Indian reservation they were raised on in La Push, Washington. Harry and Billy went to the police academy together and eventually were assigned to the same precinct as my father. The rest, as they say, is history._

 _In theory Leah and Jacob should have been the perfect match. They continued their Quileute bloodline regardless of the fact that they lived in New York. Their parents were the best of friends, well at least their Dads. Jake's Mom died in a car accident when he was five. He never had any siblings and because of that he and Brad were practically brothers._

 _Growing up with Jacob made me very attuned to his mannerisms and his moods. He seemed tense and jumpy and kept glancing around the room, unable to focus on the game. I noticed him step outside to take a phone call and wondered who he could be talking to. Leah exhaled loudly, and I furrowed my brow. Something was going on with the two of them and I surely hoped it had nothing to do with me. I couldn't imagine who he was speaking to outside of the room. All of his friends were there._

 _Yet, even with everything in front of him, he could never get past the affection he had for me and I couldn't understand it. How could he not see that Leah would do anything for him and the beautiful boys they had? How could he still make me uncomfortable just by being alone in a room with him?_

 _I shook it off not thinking much more of it and finished watching the game._

I sat back in the chair and sipped my wine as I pondered the flowers once again.

 _Maybe Jake sent the flowers_ …a little voice in my head whispered as I sat sipping my wine.

I stopped.

No.

He wouldn't.

He's married, and as uncomfortable as he makes me, he's a father and he and Leah have another child on the way. I wouldn't let my brain go down that path. Jacob might still have feelings for me but he knew better than to act on them.

 _Didn't he?_

I sat there frowning until suddenly I heard a buzzing and jumped up from my breakfast bar. I instantly knew what it was from as I raced toward the front door where I dropped my handbag.

I flipped open the phone and a smile spread across my face.

 ** _MZ~Tomorrow night?~YA_**

Without thinking I typed a response.

 ** _MA~ Yes. Dinner? This time I won't burn it :) ~YZ_**

Then I thought for a moment before sending another one. I might be longing for him in more way than one, but I might as well let him know that I definitely wanted a repeat of Thursday. Or more, if I was being honest with myself.

 ** _MA~Well, at least I won't burn the food ;) ~YZ_**

I bit my lip nervously as I waited for the response. I could only hope this might open up some friendly banter between us. I knew he was a serious man, but I also knew that he was quite witty when he let loose. His stories of Eric and Alice on Thursday were a testament to that. He gave me a glimpse of what I thought was the _real_ him; the person he was before Eric had died. I ached when I could see his pain and longed to help him bring back that person. His façade had slipped for just a moment before he realized it and let it move back into place.

 ** _MZ~You can burn anything you want ;) ~YA_**

I giggled, actually giggled to myself, when I read his text. He was playing. Maybe this would be a good way to get him to open up?

I set the phone down with a big cheesy grin on my face as I set about to make something to eat.

Tomorrow night.

*&^%$#

"Alice, I told you I am fine. Work has just been really busy. It's June 23 already and the fundraiser is only a few weeks away."

"Bella, I'm just worried about you. I thought…well, I don't know…I hope you didn't think I wasn't being attentive to your feelings about James. You know I didn't care for him, but if you ever want to talk…"

"Really Alice, this has nothing to do with James." I sighed.

 _Your brother on the other hand…_

"Ok Bella, just know that I am here for you. I just miss seeing you. You haven't been over since the night…" She trailed off. Obviously she wasn't supposed to talk about it.

 _Yes, Alice I haven't come over because I am secretly doing…whatever it is I am doing, with your brother behind your back._

"Thanks, Alice." I said simply and we gave our good-byes.

I clicked off my phone and grabbed my lunch to head towards Jasper's office. We were having lunch in the park again today. I knew my friends were going to become suspicious of the fact that I, for some reason, always wanted to be home early and didn't go out much the past two weeks. I couldn't tell them that I hoped my Apollo would drop by unannounced again.

 _No, they would definitely think I was crazy if I said that._

One thing was for certain. Edward and I needed to talk and I needed to know exactly what our boundaries were. Was I really under a gag order not to mention him at all? And was he always going to contact me first? And most importantly, how long was he going to be undercover?

"Hey Jazz. Are you ready?" I popped my head in and he looked up and smiled.

We walked to our spot in the Park and took in the sun and the gentle breeze that circled around us. I again felt a feeling of unease that I couldn't place. But I attributed it to the anxiousness I had for tonight.

I was going to see Edward tonight. And even with the longing and the questions I had, I was excited to see him. I felt so…alive whenever I was around him. Physically, mentally, emotionally, he made me feel in ways I had never felt before. A piece of me wondered if it wasn't due in part to the secrecy of the whole situation.

I decided to head things off at the pass though and started talking about the baby before Jasper could ask me why I had been acting strangely as well.

"So have you decided if you're going to find out what you're having?"

"Yes. We are going to find out. You know Alice, she couldn't handle the anticipation; it would kill her." He chuckled and I laughed with him as I ate my sandwich.

"Are you hoping for one or the other?"

"Not really. I am fine with either." He shrugged. But then his expression turned more serious.

"What's wrong, Jazz?"

"Oh nothing…I was just thinking about our discussion on names."

"Oh. You're already looking at names, isn't it a little early for that?"

"It wasn't so much that…" His eyebrows furrowed. "She would like to use the name Eric but she's afraid Edward might be upset."

I swallowed my sandwich and it made a knot in my stomach. I didn't want to lie to Jasper but at the same time my heart was begging me to tell him that I could ask him for them.

I knew that wasn't an option though.

"Well, maybe he will be done with his next assignment before the baby is born and you can ask him yourself."

Jasper harrumphed then. "Yeah. Maybe. If he even notices…"

"I'm sure he'll notice, Jazz."

Jasper turned and looked at me then and I could see a look of anger and sadness in his eyes. "Bell, Edward hasn't noticed anything since the day Eric died. Not Alice, not me, not his parents. Hell, his birthday was on Saturday and it was totally unnoticed by everyone. Yet, my wife noticed and she moped around the condo for most of the afternoon simply because she couldn't call him and wish him happy birthday and it made her miss both of her brothers." He sighed then.

Several thoughts ran through my head at once. Was he that callous? He didn't strike _me_ that way. Sad, yes, but uncaring, never.

And his _birthday_ was on Saturday. That was one little matter I was going to have to take up with him tonight.

I simply nodded and managed to get through the rest of lunch avoiding any more talk of Edward, or myself for that matter.

But by the end of the day I was nervous. Jasper's words about Edward not noticing anything seemed so contrary to his demeanor whenever I was around him. Not only that, but I decided to surprise him with something. I knew that whatever was between us was new, yet, I wanted to do something special for him. I suspected that part of Edward's demeanor stemmed from loneliness. It couldn't be easy working undercover and I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. There were people that thought of him and that he could talk to me, even if he couldn't tell me things about his mission.

After work I ran to the market to pick up fresh produce, meat and wine. I also grabbed a small cheesecake. I was planning to make a chicken cordon bleu, but on the lighter side and serve a fresh salad with it. Then I was going to surprise Edward with a small token for his birthday.

I walked home, anxious to see if Edward was already there. It was 6:30 when I walked into the apartment to find that he wasn't there yet. I turned on my iPod to listen to my classic rock list and set to work. I prepared the chicken and opened the wine. Once I had it in the oven and the timer set I stepped into the bedroom to toss on something a little more comfortable. I threw on some jeans with a lightweight summer sweater and brushed out my hair.

"Bella?" I smiled as I finished freshening up.

"In here." I called out.

I could hear his footsteps over the hard wood floor and stepped out of the bathroom just as he entered the bedroom.

I almost gasped when I saw him. He was not wearing his standard black garb.

Oh no. Tonight he looked entirely delectable in a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His hair was its usual unruly and extremely sexy mess. And his jeans were faded and worn in all the right places.

My mouth was watering, and I knew it wasn't from the scent of dinner permeating the apartment.

"Hi." He whispered, almost tentatively, or thickly. I couldn't quite tell.

"Hi." I walked over and stood right before him. I longed to touch him, to wrap my arms around him and drag him over to my bed, but I just wasn't sure what we were.

"You look great." He said with a smile and bent down to give me a light kiss on the lips.

My heart fluttered and I could feel my cheeks turning red as I bit my lip.

"Thanks, so do you." I whispered.

 _Understatement, but I am too tongue-tied to say anything else._

We stood there staring at each other for a moment when he cleared his throat.

"Um. I've uh, never seen this part of your home."

 _He hadn't seen my bedroom?_

"Really? I figured with all of your sneaky capabilities you would have walked through the whole condo." I teased.

"I'm not a snoop, Bella." He tapped my nose playfully and I could see him smile. "Although, it did cross my mind. But no, I stayed in your living room the first night I was here."

"Well, this is my bedroom." I gestured to my cozy room. The walls were a warm sand color, billowy white curtains hung from my large windows and my king bed was covered in a plush chocolate brown comforter.

I turned back to Edward and saw his eyes focused on the bed as he swallowed. He looked back at me then and I knew the look in his eyes. It was the same one he had on Thursday night before he kissed me. His eyes were dark and lustful and their penetrating stare instantly made my body tingle.

"It's…enticing." He said thickly.

 _Fuck._

 _How could he always say things that made me quiver with want for him?_

I stepped forward and gently put my hands on his chest.

"That it is." I said lowly and leaned up to kiss him lightly again. Our lips met and just as it did every time, the connection set fire to me. But I pulled away and grabbed his hand.

"C'mon, I promised I wouldn't burn dinner this time."

He nodded and took a deep breath. I didn't know how the attraction between us could be so intense, but it was obvious he felt it too.

We strode back to the kitchen with me holding his hand. The action felt so natural. My thoughts of earlier were swept away now that I was in his presence. Somehow, even with the intense desire I had for him and the sexual tension that we created, I felt entirely comfortable with him. We were getting to know each other, as evident by tonight's "date" or whatever it could be called. But I also knew I felt like I had known him for a lifetime, and I couldn't explain it or wrap my mind around it.

"I was just about to prepare the salad. Does a light poppy seed dressing sound good?"

"That sounds perfect." He smiled.

"Wine?" I held up the bottle and he nodded.

I poured him a glass of wine and we chatted about my day. I told him about the flowers that I received yet again, and he seemed concerned. I didn't tell him what they meant, because I still wasn't sure what to make of the whole thing either. Not only that, but he hardly knew any of my friends or family other than Alice and Jasper, so I knew he probably wouldn't have much insight in that respect.

We moved about the kitchen and laughed and talked. It was so comfortable, but somewhere in the back of my mind my worries from earlier in the day resurfaced.

 _How much could he really give me?_

 _Was he unnoticing, uncaring, too caught up in his grief to give me what I wanted?_

 _Wait. What I wanted? What did I want?_

I knew I wanted him, and the intensity of that feeling was so foreign and exciting and terrifying to me, I had to shove it back. I didn't want to get hurt. I also didn't know how much of him I could have, and that thought made me nervous.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked and I looked up from the salad bowl. I was standing there with the dressing in my hand, mid-air over the bowl just staring into space.

I shook my head. "Yeah, sorry. Just a little dazed for a minute." I said but quickly looked back down.

He lightly touched my arms and the heat from his fingers burned my skin. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was nothing." I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes. I quickly tossed the salad and handed it to Edward who was still looking at me intently.

"Here, why don't you set this on the table…the chicken should be almost ready."

He nodded but I could tell he wasn't completely buying it. As he stepped out of the kitchen, I took a moment to collect myself. I knew we had some major hurdles to get over before whatever this was could go anywhere.

I pulled out the chicken, plated it and sliced some of the fresh bread I bought at the market as well. I picked up my cheese sauce and walked into the living room to find Edward shuffling through my iPod.

"Did I ever tell you how ridiculously similar our tastes in music are?" He laughed. I was glad to see our light mood was returning.

"You mean you have a penchant for eighties music and top forty dance music." I teased.

He laughed again. "No, not that. I mean your classic rock list." He held up the iPod and grinned.

"Oh yeah." I walked over and looked at it. "I know your favorite is Led Zeppelin, but who else do you like?"

"Pretty much all of these. But my second favorite it is probably the Stones."

I chuckled. "Me too." I said as I stepped a little closer and once again the electric current between us hummed.

"Dinner is ready. Shall we eat?"

He nodded then and put the iPod back on the station and set it to the _Rolling Stones' Miss You._

I smiled to myself as I sat at my seat.

"You know, my brother loved the Stones too. He had this old electric guitar and he taught himself how to play. He was pretty good." I said as I cut up my chicken.

He smiled and then took his bite and closed his eyes and groaned. "Oh my God Bella, this is fantastic."

I blushed. "Thanks."

"Seriously, how did you become such a great cook? Which you obviously are, I am sure the steaks would have been great too if I hadn't distracted you." He smirked at me.

I shrugged. "After my Mom left, Brad and I had to take care of each other. I also spent a lot of time at my Grandma's after school, and she taught me a lot."

We continued on chatting about our grandparents and I learned about his. Edward didn't seem too fond of his grandparents, a sentiment Alice and Jasper shared with me. I never met them, but I had seen them at the Met Fundraiser a few times. They were both tall and very distinguished looking with white blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Carlisle obviously looked exactly like them. But there was a difference, Carlisle radiated warmth and Sasha and Jan did not; they seemed cold.

We continued chatting, and I told him some more about my brother and growing up in Brooklyn.

"I think I would have liked your brother." Edward said.

"I think he would have liked you too…you two have a lot in common. Both in law enforcement, similar taste in music, the Yankees." I laughed.

"So how much older than you was Brad?"

"Five years."

"He was probably pretty protective of you then, huh?"

I smiled. "He was, but so was everyone in my neighborhood. All the boys we grew up with were the sons of cops or wanted to be cops. They were protective by nature I guess. Funny that you are an agent…the ut-most extension of that." I teased thinking about how he said he was protective of me on Thursday. Then that made me think of something.

"You know, I have a very close family friend who is in the FBI. You might know him, Seth Clearwater?" I asked.

I saw a flash of something cross Edward's face, and he quickly took a sip of his wine.

"Um. Yeah. I have met him, but I don't know him very well." He shrugged but something seemed off.

 _Maybe I shouldn't ask about other agents._

"Oh. Yeah, I didn't know of you would know him…I'm sorry for asking…I didn't know if I should or not…I'm sorry." I stammered. But then I felt a hand on my arm.

"It's okay, Bella; I was just surprised you knew another agent. There aren't very many of us." He smiled and I relaxed.

Then I began laughing. "Well, you might be surprised how many people I do know. It's a small world sometimes, especially when it comes to us it seems."

"What do you mean?"

"You know my friend Kate?" He nodded. "Well she's the press coordinator for the FBI in New York, so you might know her too." I joked.

He smiled. "Nope, I haven't met her yet, but I will have to remember that."

The mood seemed to return as we finished our dinner and I grabbed his plate.

"No, let me. It's the least I can do. The meal was exceptional and you made it all." He started to stop me.

"How about next time?" I caught his hand. "I have a surprise for you. Stay right here." He furrowed his brow with a small smile on his face.

"I'll be right back."

I took the dirty dishes to the kitchen and pulled the cheesecake out of the refrigerator. I grabbed a single candle I had from the last time we celebrated Kate's birthday at my place and quickly lit it.

I walked back in to the dining room as I bit my lip. I wasn't sure how he was going to take this. We had barely known each other for more than a few weeks and I was bringing him a birthday cake of sorts.

"What's this?" He smiled.

"Well, a little bird told me that you had a birthday recently. I should be scolding you for not telling me yourself. But I wanted to do something nice." I shrugged.

"Really?" His face was a mixture of both happiness and concern, and I realized he probably thought I had been talking about him.

"Don't worry, Jasper just happened to mention it. I didn't tell him that I had seen you or anything."

He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and then his smile widened. "Did he tell you cheesecake was my favorite too?"

"Nope. That was just a guess. Did I do good?" I smirked.

He leaned over and put his hand on my face and the heat from his touch spread through my body.

"Thank you." He whispered as he leaned closer and I responded in kind. We shared a short and sweet kiss until he dropped his hand.

"I would have told you but to be honest it didn't even cross my mind. I haven't celebrated my birthday in a long time." He said then a little sadly as I sliced up the cheesecake.

"Jasper said that was the case. But you know, I thought it might be time to change that." Maybe it was the wine, but I was being more bold in trying to get him to open up.

He smiled and nodded and we enjoyed our New York cheesecake in a comfortable silence.

Eventually we took the rest of the plates to the kitchen and Edward helped me clean up again. I was hoping for a repeat of the kitchen kiss from Thursday, but I knew we needed to talk as well.

"Would you like to stay for a bit? I can put on some music and we can open another bottle of wine.

He thought for a moment and I could tell he was pondering something. Finally he smiled. "I'd like that. How about some Zeppelin?"

"Perfect." I returned his smile and opened the second bottle while he switched songs. I moved into the living room and motioned for him to join me on the couch.

As I sat at one end with one leg under me and my arm propped against the back of the sofa, Edward mirrored my position. I wasn't sure how to open the dialogue and instead commented on the song choice.

"I like this song. It makes me think of Brad." I said then a little lost in thought.

"It reminds me of Eric too." He said quietly.

"Tell me about him." It slipped out before I could stop it and I quickly looked to his eyes. I could see him contemplating it. But I wanted him to open up to me.

"Alice doesn't talk about him much…" I said then.

He took a sip of his wine and shifted a bit on the couch to stretch his legs out on the ottoman and crossed his arms and legs as he held his wine. It was a defensive position and I worried that I pushed too much.

"You don't have to if you don't…"

"No. Bella, I do. I need to talk about him. It's been far too long, and I'm starting to realize that." He blew out a breath and seemed to steel his resolve for it. I could tell he was struggling internally. I just remained silent, until finally I was going to tell him that we could talk about it another time. But before I could respond he launched in.

It was like a dam broke. He talked about growing up together, what he looked like, his personality, how he acted. It was as if thirteen years of holding it in came pouring out. As he talked he moved between sadness, joy, frustration, and happiness. I could see why it was hard for him. They were obviously extremely close. But I could also see him coming back to life by simply speaking about his brother. I couldn't help but reflect on how I felt similarly when I started attending the grief group after Brad's death. Even if I cried, even if it was hard, I found comfort in talking about him and in telling other people what a great person he was. I could tell this was having the same effect on Edward.

So he talked and I listened and asked little questions here and there to help prod him on. I determined in that moment that he wasn't callous or uncaring. He was simply consumed by his grief for so long he didn't know how to let it out or how to let other people in. Something was allowing him to do it now, however, and I wanted to continue fostering this new ability. I hoped he would let _me_ in.

Finally his brow furrowed a bit as he spoke. "He was so fun, outgoing and charismatic; everything I am not." He sighed. "He was so full of life and he was only sixteen months older than me. Way too young to have…" He trailed off.

We had slowly moved closer to one another on the couch and he had turned to open up to me more. I reached out and grabbed his hand and pulled it into my lap. My wine was long forgotten as I held his hand in both of mine and traced over the lines. They were rugged, yet incredibly soft at the same time. He had long fingers, perfect for playing the piano or the guitar. I was sure he was probably great at both.

"That feels incredible." He whispered than and I looked up to see the intensity in his eyes.

"Really? You don't mind then? I find myself wanting to touch you, to…comfort you. But I don't know what my boundaries are?" I said quietly and looked back down at his hand.

Suddenly I felt his other hand on my face as he lifted my chin back up to meet his eyes. The sadness, desire, and emotion I saw there was almost staggering. I could tell he was warring over trying to say something and I just sat there waiting.

"I don't want there to be boundaries." He whispered as he stroked my face and my breath caught in my throat.

"I…I don't know why, but I feel like I can talk to you." He murmured.

"You can, Edward. You can talk to me about everything. And it's ok to talk about him. You need to. And I know it's going to hurt, trust me I know. But it will be so much better in the end." I gazed into his eyes and brought my hand up to put it on his face. He leaned into it and closed his eyes and I could feel the tension leaving his body.

"How is it you always know exactly what to say?" He asked quietly.

"I don't. I just…" I shrugged and he opened his eyes. "I guess I know what helped me."

 ****** He nodded and our eyes were locked. The thickness in the air was stifling, but not in a bad way. Just then a song came on that I generally skipped on my iPod because it brought a lot of memories for me.

I tensed and Edward noticed because of our close proximity.

"What is it?"

I shook my head. But then I realized I would be a hypocrite if I didn't tell him and I expected him to open up to me.

I sighed and I could see his eyes imploring me. "Oh…this song…it has a lot of memories for me."

He lifted his head and listened. "I Can't Quit You Baby." He said, noting the name of the song, and I nodded.

I blew out a breath then and lifted my eyes back to his. "When I was thirteen, Brad taught me how to dance to this. It was my birthday party and most other eighteen year old brothers wouldn't have given their little sisters the time of day. But not him." I smiled at the memory and felt Edward squeeze my hand this time.

"He helped my Dad clean the basement and we had a party with all of the boys and the few girls in the neighborhood and some of my Dad's friends. Of course it was all this kind of music and Brad pulled me out on the floor and told me 'I better learn how to dance now that I was a teenager'." I laughed lightly as my eyes stung from the memory.

"Well, why don't you teach me since you are the expert?" He looked at me intently and I laughed.

"Oh, I am no expert."

"Trust me. I haven't danced in so long. I am sure you will be an expert compared to me." He whispered right next to my ear and my breathing hitched.

I bit my lip. "Okay."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the couch and into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I lifted mine around his neck. We were so close, our bodies flush with one another and my heartbeat took off like a shot.

I felt like I was thirteen again. I felt like I was dancing with a boy for the first time and was giddy and excited and nervous all at the same time.

But this time those feelings were surpassed by lust, longing and something even deeper and I couldn't deny how _good_ it felt to be in his arms.

The raspy voice of Robert Plant burst through the speakers along with the electric guitar. I felt the fire between us grow as we swayed together. It wasn't fast or slow, it was in a perfect rhythm to the base. I began to lose myself to the sensations of being in Edward's arms.

I laid my head on his chest and could feel the warmth of his body against my cheek. He smelled unbelievable as usual; his clean and original scent was like an aphrodisiac and I was becoming warm all over.

I felt his arms loosen and his hands move down my back as we swayed. Then they moved all the way back up until they were in my hair. Sparks instantly shot down my spine as he slowly caressed the bottom of my neck and ran his fingers through my hair.

I lifted my hands to do the same and finally looked up to find his eyes closed and as lost in the moment as I was. He opened them then and I felt one hand move back down to my lower back. His jade pools were smoldering and I felt my breath coming faster. I pressed into him and could feel him against my stomach as he shuddered from the contact.

He was without a doubt the most beautiful, sexiest, most complicated and most passionate man I had ever met or laid eyes on. I wanted him so much the ache in my core almost deafened me with its pulse.

Without another thought I crashed my lips to his, and the fire between us raged. He opened and his flavor was sweet with the white wine and cheesecake and somehow he tasted even better than he had the first time. My lips were insistent against his and I found myself pulling on his hair as my pulse quickened to the beat our tongues set.

His hands began to wonder down my back to around my waist and then back up my sides. His thumbs grazed the sides of my breasts, and I moaned at the contact. He was now impossibly hard against my stomach and before I knew it we were a frenzied mass of tongues, hands and bodies pressed against one another, dancing long forgotten.

He spun around and sat down on the couch and I climbed on top of him and straddled him. I could feel his hardness against my aching core and I was dying for a release. I rubbed myself against him and he groaned into my mouth as his hand worked their way through my hair and then again grazed my breasts, this time more fully and I shuddered.

I pulled back and gasped and looked into his eyes at the fire burning behind his jade irises. I crushed my lips back to his and pulled him tighter as I moved against him. We were both moaning and moving trying to gain friction. I felt like his lips, his body, just…all of him was made for me, as we conformed together.

His hands trailed under my shirt and ripples of desire shot through my body. He palmed my breast through my bra with his hand and lightly ran his thumb over my nipple to make it harden. I both heard and felt him moan at the same time I did. I clutched his shirt with my hands so forcefully I was afraid I was going to rip it apart.

But at that moment a thought entered the back of my mind. I wanted him. I wanted him so much I could hardly think of anything else. But yet, I didn't know what he wanted, and what _we_ really were. He'd said he was mine, and I was his, but what did that mean?

I knew after everything with James and with the intensity of my feelings for him, I had to find out. I had to know before we went any further because if I didn't I knew this was going to be heartbreaking.

Reluctantly I slowed my kiss. My body was screaming at me, but I had to know. If this wasn't going anywhere, I had to protect myself. This situation was so much different from my past relationships. I knew that if I didn't protect myself I would regret it. I had to force my unyielding want for this man to take a backseat to my brain.

"Wait." I stopped breathlessly.

He pulled back and put his forehead on my shoulder as his hands returned to my back.

"Yeah. We should stop." He said thickly but I could tell he was trying to relieve his breathing.

I moved back on his legs to allow him to calm a bit as well. We were both panting and flushed from our heated make-out session. I felt like a seventeen year old again as my hormones were raging.

"It's not that I want to…stop that is." I said then as I put my hands on his face and lifted his head.

"I know." He dropped his hands to my waist and I put mine on his shoulders and peered into his eyes.

I drew a deep breath and steeled my nerves to ask the question I needed to ask.

"I just…Edward…I have to know what we are? I need to know what you want. And I need to know what I can ask you and what I can't and whether I can talk about you, and if this is secret and how long you are going to be undercover and what you see happening because…" It all flew out of my mouth at light speed and I watched as he brought one hand up to still my lips.

"I know."

"What?"

He sighed. "I know, Bella. I have thought about it and I haven't been fair to you. I have been selfish. Selfish in thinking that I could just have you all to myself, selfish in pursuing you when I knew I couldn't give you what you needed."

He dropped his eyes and looked distraught.

"I should go."

What?

No. You can't let him leave. For some reason, I knew if I let him leave that would be the end of it, and my whole being knew that I had to at least ask him and I had to let him know how I felt.

I shook my head at him. "Edward. I want you here. I want to see you. And you give me what I need, but I have to know what _you_ need and what _you_ want." I clarified.

He sighed again and I could see him warring with thoughts and emotions. I had to make it simpler.

"Why don't we start this way…I am guessing I can't tell anyone about seeing you, right? Because I haven't. I assumed that was the case."

Although I knew we needed to talk about it, I knew right then that I also had to make a decision. I had to decide if I was okay continuing seeing him in secret.

I thought about the alternative and I knew without a doubt that I would rather see him in secret than not at all.

I lifted his head and stared right into his eyes.

"I don't want you to go. I don't ever want you to go." I said and a look of shock and…happiness spread across his face.

"I can't explain why, but you have to hear me out for a minute and then you have to tell me how you feel about this, okay?" He nodded in agreement.

I blew out a breath and continued. "I am completely drawn to you and I want you more than anyone I have ever wanted in my life. I can't explain it. I can't even wrap my mind around it. And it's not just this." I motioned between us. "It's everything, our common interests, your laugh and wittiness; it's you…in here." I pressed my hand to his heart and his eyes softened. "I have never felt so strongly about something or as confused in my life. But I know that the thought of not seeing you makes me feel sick and…"

Suddenly my lips were silenced with his and his hands were in my hair again. Before we could get too heated he pulled away this time. He pressed his forehead to mine and held my head in his hands.

"Oh. Mijn Zon. I feel the same way." He rasped. "I know I shouldn't be here, I know I shouldn't see you or put you at risk…but…it's like the song. I can't quit you. You're like a drug to me. I'm addicted to you and you make me feel things I haven't felt in years, say and do things I haven't done in years and I feel so…alive when I am with you. I can't explain it."

I pressed him back then so that we were at arm's length.

"I don't care what you have to do. I just want to see you, in whatever manner I can. But…you said no boundaries, but I just need to know what my boundaries are…outside of here." I offered.

He nodded and played with a piece of my hair as he thought about it.

"Unfortunately you can't tell anyone about me and you have to be extremely careful with the cell phone I gave you. You can't give that number to anyone else." He blew out a breath and then looked at me. "And as for the amount of time, I don't know. Things are going…well… but it was originally set to be a year long mission. It could be more. It could be less."

A year.

 _I could handle that couldn't I?_

Everything inside of me said I would wait forever for him, that I could wait for him. But I knew I needed to respond.

I nodded. "That's what I thought. And that's what I have been doing. And as for the time, I will be here…no matter how long it takes." His eyes softened again but he remained quiet.

I pondered something for a moment. "I haven't said anything to anyone either." _Well, outside of Rosalie, but I knew she would take it to the grave._

However, I continued. "But I do think you need to try to see Alice again…she has something to tell you and to ask you." I knew I was being cryptic, but it wasn't my news to share.

"What is it?"

"It's really not my place…" I trailed off.

"Okay." His brow furrowed.

I wanted to add one more thing though. I slowly ran my hand along his cheek and looked right in his eyes.

"For the record, you are not selfish. You are doing the most selfless thing anyone could do, living a life as another person, undercover for the protection of our country. That's noble, not selfish. And if you think coming to see me is selfish…well then." I shrugged. "You can be selfish every night for all I care." I smiled at him with a small blush. I was putting all of my cards on the table so to speak.

But I saw a slow, sweet smile cross his face and I knew he felt the same way.

"Really?"

"Really, really Apollo." He chuckled at that and leaned in to nuzzle my chin with his nose.

Before I knew it our cheeks were pressed together and our lips soon followed. We began to grow closer and closer once again and our kiss became heated as our hands began to roam.

At last I pulled away and sighed. "I know that I want you more than anyone I have ever wanted in my life, and for that reason I don't want to fuck it up." I said as I leaned down to give him another peck.

He nodded and exhaled. "I feel the same way." He pecked me back.

"I should go then." He added.

I bit my lip and nodded. He helped hoist me out of his lap and I walked with him over to the fire escape.

"When will I see you again?" I asked tentatively.

"Work is heating up, and unfortunately I have some obligations the next couple of days." He frowned and thought for a moment. "But I will text you."

I smiled. "That sounds great."

I moved to my tip toes and gave him a light kiss and he pulled me into a hug. But this one wasn't as lustful. It was filled with a different kind of emotion.

"Mijn Zon. Thank you so much for tonight…for everything."

I was caught off guard, but I knew exactly what he meant. I just nodded into his chest.

"You're welcome." I whispered.

We stood like that for a moment until he broke away and kissed me on the top of my head.

"Good night. I'll call you."

"Okay, good night." I squeezed his hand and he climbed back out on the fire escape with a wink and was off into the night.

I sighed as I stood there. I was still longing for him even though he had only left seconds earlier. But this time, the longing didn't make me nervous or make me question the situation. The longing just made me want more. More of him in my home, in my arms and in my life.

That night I drifted off to sleep content in the fact that he seemed to want that as much as me.

*&^%$#

The rest of the week flew by. I was busy at work preparing for the fundraiser and something from our dinner and conversation on Tuesday made Edward open up to me. He couldn't come over on Wednesday or Thursday, but he called me both nights and we ended up chatting for an hour each night. It was nice. We were getting to know one another without the sexual tension in the air, yet we were still careful not to say names or anything that would identify us. It had become more of a game of twenty questions each night. We asked each other all the little things we wanted to know like our favorite colors, holidays, foods etc.

I found that it also helped to make the "secret" part of our relationship not seem so secret anymore. We were conversing like any two adults who were getting to know one another.

On Friday morning I woke up to go for my usual run and as I walked back into my building I saw John leaving the gym on the first floor and held the elevator for him.

"Hey John. How are you this morning?"

"Well, I've been better." He sighed.

"Oh I'm sorry, what's wrong?" I inquired.

"Eh. My girlfriend broke up with me last night." He shrugged. "I should have seen it coming."

"I'm sorry, John." I smiled sympathetically. But then I had an idea. I was one for one in the matchmaking department lately; maybe I could be two for two.

"Are you busy tonight? Some friends of mine and I are having a happy hour if you would like to join us." I hoped he didn't think I was inviting him for me, so I quickly covered. "My boyfriend is working tonight so he won't be there but it would be great if you could come."

"I thought you broke up." He looked at me quizzically.

"Yeah, that was my ex. I just started dating this guy. But it's really new so don't say anything to any of them. I don't want to jinx it." I covered.

He smiled his jovial smile then and nodded. "I'd like that. Thanks, Bella."

"Great, I will text you later then."

We parted and went separate ways from the elevator. John and I had exchanged numbers earlier in the week after he accidentally locked himself out of the building one night, and I happened to get home at the same time and let him in. We thought it would be a good idea to have each other's numbers in case it happened again. John was very attractive, but I didn't feel anything for him and he had always treated me as just a friend. I was comfortable around him, almost like he was a big brother of sorts.

The thought made me miss my brother and then think of Edward and how far he had come in the last few days. I was excited to see him again, but I knew he was busy.

I made my way to work and hurried through another busy day before leaving at 5:00. I texted John earlier in the day to let him know where we were going. We decided on a bar in Greenwich tonight. We wanted something low key with good food and a good beer selection. Kate wasn't going to be able to make it tonight, but Alice, Jasper, Hale, and Rosalie were all coming again.

I hailed a cab and rode to Greenwich until it pulled up in front of the bar and restaurant. I walked in, grabbed a table and ordered a summer ale from a brewery out of upstate New York while I sat down to wait for the rest of my friends. Jasper had been down at NYU for the day doing some research and Alice was at a shoot downtown. Rosalie was apartment hunting in SoHo so we decided to meet in the middle.

I looked up just then and noticed John stroll in. He looked very handsome in a black suit and striped shirt with the collar open. I had a feeling Rose was going to be salivating over him.

I waved at him and he pulled up a stool at the high top I had secured. We chatted and sipped our beers when Rosalie breezed in. In typical Rosalie Whitlock style she looked beautiful and effortless at the same time in white pants and a bright blue top which set off her beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. She spotted me and made her way over and I could see all of the heads in the restaurant turn to watch her. Rosalie was quite a sight and she exuded confidence, sexiness and class at the same time.

But even Rosalie could get giddy and her eyes popped open as she made her way to the high top. She looked at me, and I just smiled and shrugged as John turned around.

"John Emerty, this is my friend, Rosalie Whitlock." I gestured to her.

"A pleasure." He smiled genuinely as he shook her hand and I could see the twinkle in his eyes.

Rosalie nodded her head a bit from the daze and shook it while still nodding. I couldn't believe Rosalie Whitlock had been rendered speechless. I snickered to myself as I sipped my drink.

"I'm just going to run to the restroom real quick. Look for everyone else okay?"

They both nodded, but John and Rosalie were completely enthralled with one another. I chuckled as I made my way back to the restrooms. I quickly used the facilities and then straightened out my red cap sleeve dress. I loved it; it was one of my favorites and I had to admit I wore it today with the hopes that I would see Edward tonight. But he hadn't texted yet, and I was a bit disappointed I was going to have to go another day without seeing him. I knew it had only been three days. Yet, after Tuesday night and our chats the last two nights I felt as though we had grown so much closer. I found myself thinking about him all the time.

I made my way back out to find everyone else seated at the table now, chatting and laughing. Alice, Jasper and Hale obviously took to John as well. He was so jovial and good- natured I couldn't imagine anyone not liking him. I had to keep myself from laughing out loud every time I noticed Rosalie staring dreamily at him. She was like a star-struck teenager. I had never seen her like this.

A couple of hours after we were seated, John mentioned that he needed to be going but thanked me for inviting him to happy hour. I saw Rosalie ask him something and grab her phone and hand it to him. He smiled and entered what I could only think was his number in her phone and then she did the same with his.

We all waved good-bye, and I turned to Rose once he was gone.

"So?"

"Oh my God Bella…he's just…wow." She sighed with a far-off gaze.

I chuckled. It was funny to see her so smitten with someone.

 _That's exactly how you are on a daily basis._

"He is nice isn't he? And guess what, he just broke up with his girlfriend." I raised my eyebrows at her.

She smiled deviously then. "I know. We are going to go out tomorrow night."

"Wow Rose. That's pretty fast aren't you worried?"

She shook her head and in typical Rosalie Whitlock style cocked her eyebrow. "Nah. He said they weren't very serious. And besides, one night with me and she will be long forgotten." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Jesus Rose, I don't need to hear that shit." Jasper covered his ears and we all started laughing. Rosalie just shrugged.

I felt a buzz in my purse and reached in to see that I had a text message. I flipped open the phone and held it under the table as a big grin crossed my face.

 ** _MZ~Tonight?~YA_**

I quickly text him back. I was so excited he was coming over tonight.

 ** _MA~Yes. At HH right now. Home in an hour?~YZ_**

 ** _MZ~Perfect. I can't wait to see you.~YA_**

 ** _MA~Me too.~YZ_**

Maybe it was the beers I drank or Rose hitting it off with John, but I giggled at the screen and quickly put it back in my purse.

I looked up to find everyone staring at me.

"What?"

"Who are you texting, Bella?" A curious look came over Alice's face.

"No one…just…never mind. It's nothing." I said quickly waving my hand.

"Are you seeing someone?" She inquired then.

Shit. What did I tell them? If I said yes, then they would grill me about it, but if I said no they probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

I took a sip of my beer and then tried to act as nonchalant as possible.

"It's nothing guys. And no, I am not seeing anyone. It was just a funny email from my friend Angela." I shrugged.

 _They didn't know Angela. That was a good cover right._

"Yeah right, Bella, spill it. I know that look." Alice said excitedly and I shot a look at Rosalie. She picked up on it instantly. She knew it was Edward I had been texting.

"I think we should just leave Bella alone about it. She'll tell us if she wants to." Rose said and Alice frowned. She hated being left out of the loop, but she was the one person I definitely couldn't tell.

I hurriedly flagged the waitress and asked for my check and Alice pouted that I was leaving so early. It was only 8:00, but I had a date and I wanted to get home to see Edward.

After I paid my tab and promised Alice that I would come over for dinner the next night I caught a cab back to my place.

I didn't like lying to my friends, but when I made my decision on Tuesday I was sure that it was the right one. I wanted to see how things with Edward progressed. I had never felt like this about anyone and I wanted to give it a chance, even if it meant doing it secretly for the next year.

I walked into my apartment to find soft music playing over the speakers. There was one light lit in the living room and I noticed a bottle of Ketel One and a drink sitting on the coffee table. Next to it was a small tray of olives and cheeses.

I continued around the corner to see Edward seated on my couch lightly flipping through one of my art books. He was wearing just a white tee with graphics on it, his tattoo peeking out the bottom of his sleeve and the same ripped jeans.

I smiled as I walked into the room and he looked up and gave me a huge smile. His beautiful jade eyes lit up, and I could see the light dancing off of his unruly bronze mop.

 _God he's freaking gorgeous, God of the sun is right…_

At that moment, I knew this was right where I wanted to be. At some point his mission would be over and he could come to happy hour and go out on normal dates with me. We wouldn't have to hide and be in the confines of my apartment. And something in his eyes told me that was the case as well.

I had to admit, I was longing for more, but I also knew that I could wait. I would wait. I didn't need that to be happy. Somehow I knew deep down, that no matter when, where, or how…we were together. He was all I needed.

 **XXXX**


	12. Chapter 12: Tuesday's Coming

**Chapter 12: Tuesday's Coming**

 ** _Dareh Meyod by O.A.R._**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

 _Bang, bang, bang._

 _Shit, that kind of hurt._

I rubbed my forehead and sat down on the bottom rung of her fire escape in the pitch black night. My heart was racing, and blood was thundering through my veins and straight to below my belt.

I banged my head against the brick wall again, literally, and sighed in frustration, anticipation, and sexual tension.

Fuck.

She begged me to stay.

I wanted to stay. But I couldn't. She had been drinking most of the night; I knew it from the moment she walked in. Fuckhot red dress or not, I couldn't stay with her when she was inebriated. No, not yet. I wanted to take this slowly, although I was questioning my sanity on that decision nearly every second of every day.

 _God but that dress and those black heels._

I shook my head.

No not yet. Because I couldn't get that close to her until she knew.

Until she knew I was a monster. A born killer. A predator of men.

 _Mijn Schoonheid_ deserved to know.

And the problem was, I knew the second I felt her around me completely that would be it; I would never be able to walk away regardless of what was best for her.

In all my time seeking to avenge Eric's death, I had become so good at my job that I hardly recognized myself.

I was so good at killing. Fuck, I was great at it. As was evidenced once again by the assignment I had to fulfill on Monday night.

I sighed as I sat on her fire escape trying to calm down my raging hormones, and my aching heart. I wanted her more than anything, more than I could even put words to. But would she want me when she found out? Would she abandon me like Claire did once she knew who I really was and what my goals were? She said she wanted me now, even if we were seeing each other secretly, even if we could only see each other at her home. But would that always be the case?

I frowned as I stepped off the fire escape and into the black night. I was wide awake even though it was almost 2:00 in the morning. I criss-crossed my way to Broadway before catching a cab for Hell's Kitchen.

As I shuffled into my apartment, I couldn't help but notice how cold and lonely it was.

Just like my life.

Unless I was with Bella.

After stripping off my clothes, which still smelled of her delicious scent, I threw some water on my face and looked in the mirror.

What was I doing? Why did I want her so much? I knew I was being selfish in pursuing her, and yet she said she didn't care, she wanted me. How could I deny her that?

I lay down in bed and thought back on the last week. We had grown so much closer and I couldn't deny the all-encompassing draw I had to her. It was like gravity, like the Earth orbiting the sun. She truly was my sun, the only light I had in my dark life and just like the Earth to the sun, I couldn't pull away from it.

After our discussion on Tuesday and another hot make-out session on her couch, I was sure this was so much more than attraction. That thought alone scared the crap out of me. I knew I was putting her, myself, and my mission in danger. But I couldn't deny the intense feelings I had for her. She understood me. She knew exactly how I felt; she lost a brother she was very close to. She knew the pain and the suffering, and she just inherently understood how to talk to me, to draw me out. I couldn't explain it, but for the first time in eleven years, I found myself wanting to talk about Eric and wanting to talk to her.

Then when we danced and I held her in my arms it was as if the entire world was in order for just those few moments. Bella in my arms, my hands in her silky hair and the scent of her—cinnamon, and vanilla and berries—surrounding me. I never wanted to be in another place ever again.

And then to feel her body in my arms and her moving against me, the feel of her soft, perfect breasts under my hands. It was as though she were made for me. She was sexy and caring, smart and snarky, secure in herself and yet she had a bit of endearing shyness. She took my breath away, and I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her in that moment. And she said she wanted me, which amazed me and thrilled me and terrified me all at the same time.

But I was glad she stopped us. Because she had to know about me, it was only fair. I knew she was a good person. I knew how she spent her spare time and yet what did she know about me? She didn't know that I was a killer, that I was obsessed with my job, or that I alienated my friends and family in search of vengeance.

I sighed. No, she didn't know any of that. Yet somehow she knew my partner, she was connected to the Dracs, and she was so damn innocent she had no clue about any of it.

I crossed my hands behind my head as I thought about my briefing on Wednesday…

 _It had been two weeks since we launched our mission in New York. But it felt like it had been months. Once again I made several exchanges before walking into the back door of the headquarters to the New York Division of the FBI._

 _This time was much different from the first, however, there were dozens of people milling about the office, and I was instantly concerned._

 _These can't all be agents?_

 _I saw a petite, striking blonde woman talking to SA Morgan and another agent. I ducked my head down and made my way to the conference room as quickly and quietly as I could. Once I stepped inside I was met with SA Ivanova. I had yet to work with her "on the job", but she seemed tough and smart, and well-equipped to handle the position she had garnered inside the organization._

 _"Ivanova. How are you today?"_

 _"Zeh. I'm tired. Had to stay up at ze fucking club all night." She shrugged. If there was one thing I had learned from our first meeting, Ivanova didn't mince any words and she could swear like a sailor._

 _I looked up and McCarty and Clearwater walked in. I nodded at Seth who was still reeling from our development on Saturday. His brother-in-law, Jacob, was at the building site for the sports complex in Brooklyn. Apparently Jacob is a cop, and to make matters worse, it seemed as though he was somehow helping the Dracs with their shipments at the Brooklyn site. I knew Seth was distraught over the matter and I couldn't blame him._

 _Morgan stepped in then and we sat down to get to work._

 _"Ok, what have you found out, because I know our analysts are itching to go on this thing?" Morgan clapped his hands together. "McCarty, why don't you start since yours will be the shortest for now and we can move on."_

 _"Fine sir. I moved into the place on Upper West. I've established my cover and am watching the asset closely." Morgan nodded with a peculiar glance._

 _Asset? What asset was McCarty talking about? I thought he was just posing as a buyer?_

 _"And what do you think of her involvement."_

 _"She's not involved sir. She's just exceptionally unobservant if anything." He shrugged._

 _Before I could ask who they were talking about, Morgan turned to Ivanova and she launched into her recent gleanings from the club. Apparently they had an unusually large amount of girls the last two weeks and were auctioning them off to the highest bidders in the private rooms below the main club. I had yet to go down there, not that I wanted to, but eventually I knew I would be escorted to the back. I just hoped I could avoid it as I had in Romania._

 _Ivanova also mentioned some of the regulars at the club and what she deemed their positions were in the trade. Demitri was clearly the enforcer. His reputation preceded him as a sadist when someone crossed him. The Dracs sent him out on the big shipments to make sure everything was in order and to ensure that no one fucked with the cargo. Apparently the shipment Clearwater and I had seen must have been a big one because both Demitri and several of the other top men were there._

 _We saw the VR symbols on the cargo, but still had yet to connect Laurent to the shipments. Ivanova, however, verified that she had seen him in the club procuring the "services" of several of the girls. She had also witnessed meetings with Raven, and some other key players who she had yet to put names to._

 _Ivanova was beautiful, and as part of her job she would try to work herself in with some of the high end clientele to get information. But I could tell by the way she talked about the business that she would rather cut one of their dicks off then let them touch her. There was something beneath it, and I had yet to figure it out. She stuck strictly to her role as a saleswoman, so to speak, never offering up her goods but only selling the others._

 _We took a break for a moment before proceeding with mine and Clearwater's debriefing. Almost four hours had passed, and it was hard to believe we had been sitting in the conference room for so long._

 _I stepped out to use the restroom and made my way down the hallway to the bathroom. I passed by SA Morgan's office when I heard a woman's giggle from inside. I should have kept walking, but being an undercover agent, and therefore naturally inquisitive, I peaked in the cracked door as I stepped inside._

 _I saw Morgan with his arms around a petite blonde woman when I strode into the office._

 _Well, isn't that interesting. Fraternizing on the job. Looked like I wasn't the only one breaking the rules around here._

 _But as she turned and I got a better glance at her face, she looked strangely familiar. Suddenly I realized I saw a picture of her in Bella's apartment._

 _I wondered if that was Bella's friend Kate, the one she said works for the FBI._

 _Christ can this world get any smaller?_

 _I slipped away to the bathroom before I was noticed and returned to the conference room. Clearwater was the only one there and was mowing down a New York sized slice of pepperoni pizza. I grabbed one, took a seat and we ate in silence for a moment._

 _I hadn't known Seth for long, but I could tell this whole thing with his brother-in-law was troubling him. He was strangely quiet and not his friendly self._

 _"So, what do you think the connection to Jacob is?" I finally asked. Better to get it out in the open and deal with it. I needed him focused with me._

 _Look who's talking, jackass. I admonished myself but focused on the conversation._

 _He sighed and set down his pizza and then took a long swig of his Coke._

 _"Fuck, I don't know. I have never known Jacob to be into bad things. I can't decide if he's really in on it, or if he thinks he's trying to bust some low level ring in Brooklyn, and he just doesn't know what shit storm he's walked in on."_

 _I thought for a moment about the night of my first assignment. I told Seth on Saturday that I saw him at the club with the assignment I killed. I didn't think he was doing it unknowingly, but it couldn't be easy to think a member of your family could do anything like that. I know it would rock my world if it happened to me._

 _"You know, sometimes people do the wrong things, even if it is for what they think are good reasons." I raised my eyebrows at him._

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _I cleared my throat and thought for a moment. "Well, is there any reason why he might be doing this? What's his incentive to help the Dracs?"_

 _Clearwater scratched the back of his head. "I can only think of a few reasons, and Jake's dumb enough to do it." He sighed._

 _I nodded at him to continue._

 _"Well, he loves my sister and he loves their boys, and they have another child on the way. But I know the financial strain of supporting his family has been a bit much for him."_

 _That sounded like something that could break a man if push came to shove._

 _"Does he have any bad habits? Gambling? Alcohol? Drugs?" I asked._

 _"No." He blew out a breath. "His only bad habit is feeling like he's not good enough, and for one person in particular."_

 _I furrowed my brow. "Who?"_

 _He shook his head. "He's always wanted to be…more…have more money, be appealing to this girl we grew up with. She's all he has ever wanted and he just can't see that she has no interest. But I don't know why he would do something like this to get money just to try to impress her. He may be dense sometimes, but he's not a total idiot."_

 _"So she doesn't even know it?" I inquired._

 _He laughed. "No, Bella's so good to the core, she doesn't notice the way anyone looks at her."_

 _Bella?_

 _What?_

 _No, it can't be._

 _Before I could ask him any more on the subject the other three walked in and sat down to continue our briefing. But of course now my head was spinning and I couldn't focus at all. I had to know if this Bella, if it was my Bella…Mijn Zon. Last night she had mentioned that she knew him, but were they that close? It could be another Bella right?_

 _Jesus, could New York really be that small?_

 _Yet she was from Brooklyn and so was he? And his description of her was spot on. Damn it. It had to be her._

 _I sat there mulling it over and let Clearwater begin to recount his last two weeks on the drug ring side. He had definitely gained favor with some of the higher ups and we decided that we should make an appearance at Dawnbreak together this weekend. Then we could potentially see some more of the clientele and figure out who some of the connections were and make some connections of our own._

 _I recapped my assignment, my sighting of Raven at the records office as well as what we saw when the shipment came in. But of course I was tense and having difficulty focusing._

 _Finally after another three hours, SA Morgan dismissed us and we all got up to go our separate ways._

 _"Ze, Cullen. Vat's going on?" Ivanova whispered to me in the hallway._

 _"Nothing why?"_

 _She shook her head. "If I know von thing, it is that you cannot be distracted at times like zeeze. You need to air it out, no?" She raised her eyebrows at me and sauntered down the hallway._

 _I blew out a breath and caught Clearwater before he made his exit._

 _"Hey Seth!" I jogged after him but he didn't hear me. "Clearwater!"_

 _He stopped and turned, and I noticed he seemed as tense as me._

 _"We need to talk."_

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"About your brother-in-law and this girl."_

 _He shrugged and we stepped to the side of the hallway._

 _"Okay, what do you want to know?"_

 _I needed to find out more about her before I came out and said I knew her. I also needed to cover just how I knew her._

 _"What's her relationship with your brother-in-law?"_

 _He frowned again and sighed. "She's the little sister of his best friend…but he's dead…he was my Dad's partner."_

 _Shit. Her brother died on 9/11._

 _"Okay. Is there any way she's connected to all of this?" I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible. Every fiber of my being trusted Bella, but I was more concerned about the uncanny connections she had to both Raven and Demitri. I didn't want to think about what that could mean at this point in time._

 _Clearwater snorted. "Trust me. No. Never. She helped me through everything when…we're close. She's as much my sister as Leah is." He eyed me warily then._

 _"Why are you so interested in this?" He crossed his arms then._

 _The only connection I could think of was Alice. I could play that off, right?_

 _"I'm just curious because I think I might know this girl."_

 _"What? How?" He asked incredulously._

 _"I think she might be friends with my sister."_

 _"No shit." He blew out a breath. "How?"_

 _"Well, I can't be sure, but what's her last name."_

 _"Swan. Bella Swan. She's Charlie Swan's daughter. The Captain of the seventy-second precinct."_

 _Fuck._

 _I tried to act nonchalant, even though I was dying inside. I wasn't sure what this meant. I wasn't sure how it was all connected but it seemed incredibly strange._

 _"That's her." I said. "Well, I just wanted to be sure. I've never met her, but Alice has mentioned her."_

 _Shit. I knew I had just backed myself in to a corner. Now I couldn't tell him that I knew she dated Raven. I wasn't even supposed to know about her or what she looked like._

 _He smiled then. "Well, I'll tell you this, you would know if you had met her. Even if she is like my sister, she's an incredibly beautiful woman."_

 _I nodded as we made our way to our respective cars. That she is._

 _But what the hell did this all mean? There were a lot of floating pieces, and this puzzle felt like it was getting more complicated by the minute…_

I wasn't sure what the connection with Bella, Seth and Jacob was, but I knew eventually I was going to have to come clean to Seth. At least about seeing Jacob on my assignment and also about the fact that Bella dated Raven. But I wanted to put some of the pieces together first.

So on Wednesday night when I got home, I called her. And on Thursday I called her again. We did a typical twenty questions thing like two kids in high school, and I found out all sorts of information including info on her Dad, Seth, Jacob, her brother, everything. I probably shouldn't have asked her so many questions over the phone, but I needed to know.

I was convinced she wasn't involved, but I couldn't help but think that somehow she was connected to someone that was. Someone besides Jacob. The thought terrified me, and I racked my brain for the possibilities but turned up with only James and Demitri. But there had to more to it than a simple ex-boyfriend, fucktard that he was.

I sighed and rolled over, willing my brain to shut off for just a few damn hours so I could get some sleep. I had a big day on Saturday. I was going to try to see Alice, since Bella had told me I needed to, which was something else that baffled me entirely. Seth and I were making our first joint appearance at the club tomorrow night. I knew it would be a late night and willed myself to calm down and fall asleep.

*&^%$#

"She'll be home?"

"Yeah, she said she was going to be there this afternoon."

"Ok, do you know what this is about?"

"Yes. Just trust me."

"Ok." I sighed. "I have to work tonight and the next two nights. Can I see you Tuesday?"

"Of course."

"Ok. Have a good day Mijn Zon."

"You too. Bye."

I clicked off the call and sighed. I would have loved nothing more than to spend the day with Bella today. She had asked me to when I was over last night. But I had several things to do today.

She was insistent that I needed to see Alice, so I was going to try to sneak into their place this morning. Tonight Seth and I were going to _Dawnbreak_ , and tomorrow I had another meeting with the brothers. I could only assume that I was likely going to get another assignment which I would have to fulfill on Monday. I wouldn't be able to see Bella until Tuesday.

I walked into the bathroom and stripped out of my gym clothes. I had woken up early to hit the gym with Felix and sparred. I was covered in sweat and definitely needed a shower before I left. I hadn't shaved in a few days and I was planning not to so that I would have a slightly different look for going to Alice's and later to the club tonight. I hurried through my shower and jumped out. I pulled on a touristy pullover with a big New York logo on it, slipped a camera around my neck and sunglasses and a hat. I was posing as a tourist so that no one would recognize me.

I made my way to the subway and purposefully took the train south. Then I got off to catch a cab back up to the Upper East Side. I jumped out of the cab a few blocks from Alice and Jasper's and criss-crossed my way to their building.

This time I told the doorman that I was from out of town visiting a friend. He of course didn't question me and didn't recognize me from the first time I was there since I looked much different. The old man was probably ninety years old and couldn't have protected anyone in their building if he wanted to. I hurried up to their floor and used my key to slip inside. It was nine in the morning, and Bella said Alice was supposed to be home.

I closed the door behind me and called out through the condo.

"Alice? Jasper?"

I heard moaning from down the hallway and instantly stopped.

 _Oh shit, I really hope I'm not walking in on that._

I cringed at the thought until I heard Jasper's voice.

"Ali, do you need me to get you anything?" He asked and I could hear his footsteps coming down the hallway.

 _She must be sick or something?_

Before he reached the living room, I called out to him so I wouldn't scare the shit out of him standing in his entry.

"Jazz?" I called out.

He rounded the corner and stopped and looked at me.

"Edward…I'm surprised to see you again…so soon."

I shrugged. Jasper and I definitely weren't as close as we used to be, and I knew that was my fault. I couldn't blame him for being upset with me.

"I told Ali I would stop by when I had a chance."

He nodded and walked toward the kitchen. I watched him as he grabbed saltines and sprite from the refrigerator.

"Is Ali sick or something?"

Jasper looked at me and opened his mouth to say something when I heard a gasp from the opposite doorway.

"Edward!" In a rush my sister was at my side and wrapped her arms around me. I gave her a hug and pulled back to look at her.

"Jesus Al, are you okay? You look like hell."

She bit the side of her cheek and glanced at Jasper and then looked back at me.

"I'm good actually. Why don't you come sit down? Do you want some coffee or anything?"

I furrowed my brow and eyed them suspiciously but nodded.

The three of us sat at the dining room table for a few minutes in silence until Alice spoke.

"So…you're still in New York?"

"Yes."

"But you can't just…be here…like last time?" She asked.

"No, I'm technically on assignment."

She sipped her coffee and glanced at Jasper who gave her a slight nod. Something was up with these two, and I was starting to get worried.

"Is something going on, Alice?"

She smiled slightly and reached over to take Jasper's hand. A hundred things went through my head in that moment.

Shit was it her? Was it him? My mother? My father? What the hell was wrong?

"I'm glad you came because we have some news for you." She looked at Jasper again and then back at me. I was staring at her intently to just spit it out already.

"I'm pregnant."

I blinked slowly and let the news sink in before my face broke out in a smile.

"Really? Well congratulations…to both of you." I smiled as I patted Jasper on the shoulder and gave Alice a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I realized this must have been what Bella was referring to.

She told me when she was due and their plans for the nursery. I could tell she was very excited about it, even though I had walked in on her having morning sickness this morning. She still looked tired from being sick, but I could tell she was glowing with happiness.

"Just think, the first Cullen grandbaby. Mom and Dad are so excited!" She squealed and color returned to her features.

 _If they only knew. They had a grandchild a long time ago, and still do._

A blanket of shame and regret washed over me in that instant.

I smiled and nodded and tried to keep a straight face as Alice rambled on and Jasper looked at her lovingly. I was torn between being incredibly happy for her and at the same time guilty and…envious.

 _Why the fuck am I envious?_

Ever since I joined the Bureau I had quit thinking about being a family man. I thought I had lost any of those aspirations when Claire walked out. I decided to just focus on my job. But seeing Alice and Jasper excited about my new niece or nephew made my stomach clench.

Suddenly the room got quiet and Alice glanced at Jasper again.

"Edward. I was wondering…I mean… I have something to ask you." Alice bit her cheek again, her little telltale sign of nervousness.

"You can ask me anything Ali, you know that." I offered.

"We've been…um…talking…about names."

"Okay?"

"And we haven't decided on a girl's name that we like, but we…um… we know the boy's name we want to use. I just…wanted to ask you if it's okay."

I wasn't following. I shook my head at her. "Why would I care Ali? I mean, not that I don't care…it's just that you can use whatever name you want."

She glanced at Jasper again, and then she put her hand on my arm and whispered.

"If it's a boy…we want to name him Eric…if that's okay with you?" She said timidly.

Oh.

That's why.

My heart dropped. I could see she was worried about my reaction to this, and I couldn't blame her. A flurry of emotions tore through my body which ranged from sadness to grief to envy to happiness. But most of all, I felt guilt. I couldn't deny that it would be hard for me if they had a boy and they named him Eric. But at the same time it killed me to think that she was so nervous about asking me.

Had I alienated my family so much that they thought I would be _angry_ about something like this?

"I think that's a great idea, Alice." I smiled trying to reassure her, but it didn't reach my eyes. It wasn't that I didn't want her to use it. I wasn't sure what the sadness was from.

"Okay." She smiled, and I put my hand over hers and squeezed.

"So what else do you have planned, I am sure you already have the nursery completely ready in your head?" I changed the subject back to the baby, and Alice was off on a tangent.

A few hours later I was helping Jazz clean up in the kitchen while Alice rested on the sofa and looked through decorating magazines. I couldn't believe my baby sister was having a baby and how much their lives had changed since the last time I was here. I realized just how much I had missed in the last two years of having no contact with my family. The weight of it was almost suffocating. Now I could see why Jasper was always on guard with me. He didn't want to let Alice get too attached, lest I ride off into the sunset once again to chase bad guys half way across the world. He was protecting his wife and now, his unborn child.

"Jazz?"

"What's up, E?"

"You know I don't care right? I'm glad you want to use it. I think it's a good tribute."

He nodded. "Well, we won't know for another couple months anyhow. But you know Alice. As soon as she found out, she was sending me lists of names." He chuckled, and I joined him as a silence came over the kitchen again.

I glanced in the living room to see Alice on the couch with a far-off look on her face. She was so happy and content. I couldn't help but think of how much differently…better…she handled everything than I did. In that moment, looking at Alice and thinking about Bella, I began to realize that they hadn't run away from it. They had suffered the same pain and sadness, but they faced their grief. I had never faced mine, hell I could hardly talk about Eric until a few days ago. I just ignored it, ran away from it. Instead of working through the grief, I channeled it into becoming the best agent I possibly could. I had turned my back on my family while I ran after vengeance or retribution or whatever it was when they had needed my support as much as I needed theirs.

 _Maybe it's been bothering me so much more now because I am back in New York._

Between Bella and my job and being in my home city I had been forced to face things that I didn't have to think about before. And it hurt, but at the same time, I was feeling…relief.

I looked up as Jazz finished putting away the last dish and began wiping down the counters. I quickly glanced into the living room to see Alice in the same position, and before I knew what I was doing I spoke.

"Hey Jazz?"

"Yeah?" His head was down as he dried the counters and I just tried to spit it out before I lost my nerve.

"I'm sorry…" I blew out a breath and ran my hand through my hair. "For everything…"

He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me. His expression went from one of disbelief to realization to acceptance as he studied my face.

Finally he nodded and I just nodded back at him.

Alice breezed back into the room and thrust a picture into Jazz's face about something to do with the nursery, and I blew out a breath.

I grabbed my touristy garb and dressed again to leave, as Alice and Jasper walked me to the door.

"When will you be back?" She asked hopefully.

"Soon. I promise, Ali." I pulled her into a hug and she sighed.

Then I turned to Jazz and offered him my hand, and he pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks E."

I nodded and my throat constricted a bit. "Congratulations man. You'll be a great father, I just know it."

I stepped back and patted him on the shoulder, and Alice grabbed his hand.

"I'm really happy for both of you. Tell Mom and Dad I said hello." They nodded and I slipped out of their condo and back on to the streets of New York.

For the first time, in a long time, I felt cleansed. It was as if the world wasn't so dark and dirty anymore…as though _I_ wasn't so dark and dirty anymore. Making these small amends with my family was healing me.

My life was changing, and I could feel it. But it was a good change, and as much as I hated to admit it, it was long overdue. Deep down inside I knew the reason for that change was the woman I couldn't wait to see again on Tuesday.

 _Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Schoonheid._

*&^%$#

"Whew…" Clearwater let out a low whistle as he took in my loft in Hell's Kitchen.

"They set you up with much better digs than me, that's for sure." He joked.

"That's because I was in a shithole in Romania." I said as I took a sip of my Ketel One.

Seth had come over to meet me so we could head to the club together. Of course, his place probably wasn't as nice because he was posing as a drug-dealer living on the Lower East Side. I had to have that whole **Treadstone assassin thing going.

We finished our drinks and took off for the club. This time we walked in through the back, and I had to clear Seth with the guard.

"Business proposition." I said to him in Romanian and he eyed us. He knew me from my other visits to meet with the brothers and from the last time I had been to the club. He also probably knew that I wasn't to be fucked with and let me pass after only a moment of eyeing me.

Clearwater remained stoic as we entered. I could tell he had transformed from his jovial self to his focused agent mode the second we left my place.

We made our way up the back stairs and into the dark room that overlooked the club. _Dawnbreak_ was so much like _Poarta_ _Ardeal_ it was almost scary. I instantly noticed Felix sitting with a girl on his lap and several other Dracs partying. As usual there were lines of coke on the tables, girls in the corners and "buyers" scoping out the merchandise. I noticed Ivanova sitting next to a tall, slender dark-haired woman with olive skin.

Just then she turned to me and eyed me up and down and licked her lips.

I knew who she was instantly. It was Gianna, the Madam and Tanya's boss, for lack of a better term.

She leaned over to Tanya and whispered something in her ear as she kept one eye on me.

"Looks like someone wants to have you for dinner." Seth muttered and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Let's go to the VIP." I said quietly, but first I made my way over to Felix.

"Emil! My friend, so glad you can make it tonight!" Felix patted me on the back and gave me a kiss on each cheek, Romanian style, and then looked to Seth.

"Who's your friend?" He smiled.

"Felix, this is Sean. He's going to be working with us soon." I stated as the men eyed each other carefully and then shook hands.

"Ah, business, business, it can wait. Come along. I have Tuica at the table." He motioned.

We followed him and sat down to have a drink. Felix asked him about his connections in Brooklyn, and Seth played his cover perfectly and laid out his proposition for him. He may have been in charge of security, but Felix was no dummy when it came to the business aspect of the organization. I knew he had an ear with the brothers which was one of the reasons I had tried to get as close as I could to him in Romania.

Just as I was going to suggest that we head out to the VIP area, Gianna and Ivanova strolled up to our table.

"Emil, have you met Trina?" Trina was Ivanova's cover name, and she smiled at me warmly and I stood to kiss her cheek.

"10:00." She whispered.

"A pleasure." I made a production out of kissing her hand and glanced to my ten o'clock to see who she was referring to.

Son of a bitch. It was James Raven and Laurent Dufour. They were sitting at a table with two Drac girls doing lines of coke.

Of course I glanced away quickly and before I could step back to scope them out some more, I felt a long fingers grip my shoulders. I turned to be met with a pair of black eyes and dark red lips.

"I don't believe we've met either. I definitely would have remembered you." She said to me coyly.

 _Shit, now I had to act charming._

"No, we haven't and I could say the same for you." I smiled at her and kissed her hand.

"Gianna. But I think you're the one to remember. It seems you've caused quite a stir recently." She sipped her drink seductively and I looked at her intently.

"Now why would you say that?" I asked as I peered around the room at the same time. I could feel the eyes of several of the Dracs on me. I knew the deal here. She might be interested, but she was definitely coveted. I had to tread lightly. Not that I wanted to do anything with her anyway, it was the furthest thing from my mind.

"I hear you have gained favor and you're very…good with your hands."

I smiled at her and sipped my drink.

"That I am."

"Maybe you could show me sometime?" She raised her eyebrows.

 _Not in a million years._

"Maybe."

Finally Ivanova stepped in and grabbed Gianna. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Gigi, ve don't vant to mess vith the boys. They too busy vith business anyvay." Ivanova was really playing up her accent, and I thanked her for the escape. Before Gianna could fight her on it, I turned to Seth who was sitting with Felix. He was trying to look comfortable between the two Drac girls, but I could tell it was a challenge.

"Shots?"

He nodded and stood up.

"Emil, where you going, my friend? The night is young." Felix said.

"The VIP, you should join us."

"But the party is here." He gestured to the girls.

"We're more in the mood for the drinking tonight and scoping…I've had my eye on a red-head out there." I gestured toward the VIP area where a tall red-haired woman was standing with her friends.

"Ah yes, you go Emil." He smiled and gave me a cheers with his Tuica, and Clearwater and I walked through the door that connected the back room with the VIP. It was the same door I had seen Nelo and Raven walk through the first night I was here. We pulled aside one of the waitresses who seated us at a table and brought us a bottle of Ketel One. If I had to be here I might as well drink the good stuff.

Clearwater and I sat back, pretending to talk about nothing at all as we eyed the scene. I looked around the VIP area to notice several businessmen and women of varying ages…very young to young mostly.

In the far corner at the largest table was a group of men. However, several of them looked eerily familiar. One was quite large with a football player's build and the other three looked rather fit as well for their ages. Just then Kristina, who I had met the first night at the club, stepped up and smiled at me.

We had a silent exchange with our eyes. She knew I wasn't going to put the moves on her, so she was more than happy to join Seth and me. She waved over one of the other girls and soon enough we were flanked by Kristina and a girl named Senna.

The girls talked to each other as Seth and I pretended to talk but really we were scoping out the VIP some more. I focused back on the table of the four men when I noticed Raven and Laurent stroll up to them. They were talking and laughing, and I couldn't help but be interested by the connection.

Just then Raven looked back towards us and I put my arm around Kristina as a diversion. But as he turned I got a clear view of one of the men, and I instantly froze.

 _This cannot be possible._

 _What the hell?_

Phil Dwyer, the former Mets player and Bella's step-father was one of the men at the table.

 _Shit._

My mind instantly started racing through everything she had told me about Phil. That he and her mother lived in New Jersey, he was an entrepreneur of some sort now, and she suspected he had a gambling problem. I knew Bella wasn't involved just by what she had told me of Phil. She didn't like him very much. But I immediately tried to think of how he was connected to Dufour, Raven and the Dracs.

Then it hit me.

 _These men must be part owners of the Buxton Group._

 _And maybe somehow Phil was the connection to Jacob?_

 _If Jacob was Brad's best friend he would likely know Phil right?_

I ruminated over my thoughts as I glanced over to Seth. I could tell by the look on his face that he had seen the same thing. His face was set in a hard line, and I could tell he was working to keep his composure. I was sure he was even more pissed now than he had been on Saturday night because now he had the connection to his brother-in-law, and it only confirmed his worst fears.

In that moment I knew I needed to come clean to Seth. I needed him to know what I knew, because if the two of us had all the information then we could blow this whole thing wide open much sooner than expected.

We each did a shot of vodka and sat back to watch the interactions. Two more men walked up the table, but I didn't know them.

Just then Ivanova strolled up to us and looked at Kristina and Senna. They each rose and scooted to the other side of Seth as Ivanova sat between us.

It wasn't that Tanya was unattractive, she was quite a beautiful woman, but she was an agent, and by all accounts a damn good one. I had a hard time acting cozy with her knowing the situation.

But she poured us three shots and we toasted as I kept looking to the large table.

"Ze von on the right is an exec at Reycon." She whispered and I instantly stiffened.

Reycon.

Reycon Pharmaceuticals. My father's company. Eric's company.

 _What the fuck?_

I leaned back and sipped my drink as I mulled over the information. I wasn't sure what that could mean. Finally I whispered back to her.

"So, do you come here often?"

She knew what I was asking and played along. "A couple times a veek." She said acting coy.

"I'll have to come here more often then."

"Tuesday is ze best night." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"Do you like to buy or sell?"

"Buy. Alvays buy, at least now."

I nodded at the information. So it seemed the Reycon exec liked to take part in the girls. I shuddered at the thought.

We continued to sit and chat until I could feel the fog start to creep into my brain. I had had far too much vodka for my liking, but trying to fit in where you didn't would do that to you sometimes. Eventually Ivanova strolled over to the group of men and put her arm around the Reycon exec. As she strolled past she shot me a knowing look, and I knew that was our signal to leave. She was going to try to pump him for information.

We waited a few moments and bid Kristina and Senna good-bye and exited through the back door.

Soon enough we were off. It had been one of my most fruitful nights on an undercover mission, and for once my mind was racing so fast, even I had a hard time categorizing and determining the links with everything I had seen.

Clearwater and I took a cab and weaved our way back to my apartment where I pulled out the Ketel One yet again, and we rehashed the entire night.

Obviously those men were in the Buxton Group, and we needed to research who all of the potential members were as well as their connections. We needed to cross reference Buxton with the known Dracs, Van Rijn and now…Reycon.

I didn't know what the meaning of seeing the Reycon executive at _Dawnbreak_ was, but it disturbed me. I had a sneaking suspicion that we were only scratching the surface of this whole thing. But most importantly I had to tell Seth what I knew.

I drew in a breath as we finished talking about our plans for the next week and steeled my nerves to tell him. I knew he was as devoted to his service as I was and he might be seriously pissed or even report me for my involvement with Bella. Either way I had to tell him. He had a wealth of knowledge, that combined with what I knew, could really open up this mission and investigation.

"So Seth, I have something to tell you. You might not like it, but just hear me out for a bit."

He looked at me warily and I exhaled and continued.

"I'm seeing someone…I have never done anything like this and I didn't anticipate that this would happen. Hell, I didn't seek it out…" I trailed off as I rubbed the condensation off of my glass.

"Ok. Well, it's no different than having a wife at home, right?" He shrugged and I cringed as I prepared to say the worst part.

"You see, it's a little different than that…because she's kind of…connected to our investigation."

He eyed me again and before I could stop myself, I just blurted it out.

"It's Bella."

"Bella who?" He furrowed his brows.

"Bella Swan." I said as I looked down and winced.

"Oh…oh…" His eyes went wide with realization. "How the fuck…how did you?" He looked more perplexed than anything and I took that as a good sign.

"She's friends with my sister and brother-in-law and I saw them on my break, before the mission."

"So you started a relationship with someone before you went under…that's not very smart, but she must mean a lot for you to risk something like this?" He quirked his eyebrow at me. For someone so young he was damn intuitive.

I looked up at him and met his eyes. I knew he was like a brother to Bella, so I decided right then to level with him completely.

"I can't explain it. I feel about her…" I blew out a breath. "I feel about her in a way I have never felt in my life."

He sighed. "Well, just be careful….she deserves to be happy." He sighed and I wasn't sure what he meant so I just let him think for a moment.

"And so do you. I think you're a lot like me." He said while looking at me intently and I nodded. "And we've given up a hell of a lot for this job. You know you deserve to be happy too."

"Thanks." I responded as I swallowed.

I told Seth about everything. About how we met, how drawn I was to her and the fact that she dated Raven. He was as confused as I was about Bella's connections to Raven, Demitri and Phil, but he was also convinced she didn't know about any of it.

Then we both glanced at each other as a dark look crept across our faces.

"Wait. You don't think…" My stomach convulsed.

"I don't know." Seth whispered.

The thickness that took over the room was like a suffocating fog. I couldn't think of why Bella would possibly be a target. She was unbelievably linked to all of these various players, yet oblivious to it. I racked my brain as I thought about her job, her volunteering, where she grew up. Nothing fit. There was no connection for why she would be a target.

Then I thought about the strange flowers she had been getting, and my heart stopped. I knew I was just getting to know her and that this was all new, but I had such intense feelings for her already that the thought of something happening to her made my stomach roll.

I looked at Seth and we silently communicated with one another in a way agents, friends, only could. We both knew something was going on. We were going to do our damndest to not only keep our eyes and ears open for any clues, but we were also going to keep a close watch on Bella.

Eventually Seth made his way home and I fell into my bed. My mind was racing with the events of tonight. I had a meeting with the brothers late tomorrow night and I knew I would be getting another assignment. I knew tonight blew our mission wide open. Now we just had to start putting the pieces together.

*&^%$#

 _"C'mon Yanks, let's score some runs!"_

 _I chuckled at Eric as he swore under his breath._

 _"Like they're going to listen to you there, Bro." I took a sip of my beer and leaned back to enjoy the sun. It was my first weekend back after graduation from Georgetown. We were taking in a Yankees game on Memorial Day. The stadium was packed as usual, and Eric and I had seats behind home plate. Our grandfather's tickets of course._

 _"So how did you weasel these seats out of old Jan anyhow?"_

 _Eric shrugged and sipped his beer. "You know I have that old man wrapped around my finger."_

 _"And you call me the favorite." I quirked an eyebrow at him._

 _"Pssh. You don't want to be Grandfather's favorite, trust me."_

 _"It's just because you're the oldest." I teased him. "Sometimes it's nice to be the middle child."_

 _"Whatever. I'm the oldest boy and the most Dutch-looking of the family." He said sardonically as he finished his beer. "You know how Grandfather is obsessed with keeping the bloodline and all that."_

 _I snorted. It really was stupid. Our mother was Irish; the three of us were only half Dutch anyway. I could understand having family pride but who really cared anymore? We lived in the United States and it was the twenty-first century. This was the world's melting pot._

 _"Well at least none of us got roped into the business." I said. Grandfather had his own company and was a well-known entrepreneur in New York. But he was a tyrant to his employees and no one enjoyed working for him. They just enjoyed the salaries his company provided._

 _"Yeah." Eric frowned and looked back toward the field. I didn't know what his deal was lately but he seemed tense and on edge._

 _I looked up as his friend Alec returned with more beers and hot dogs._

 _"You talk to him?" Eric asked Alec. I didn't know who "him" was but I was sure they were probably going out to a club later or something. I was planning to meet up with Claire._

 _"Yeah. We're good." Alec nodded._

 _Eric sighed and turned back to the field. "C'mon Jeter let's get a hit!"_

I blinked slowly and stared at the ceiling. The fan above me was making a low humming sound, and I had to close my eyes again because I had a pounding headache from all the alcohol I had consumed last night.

I thought about my dream of Eric. Ever since I opened up to Bella on Tuesday it was like a rush of memories came springing back to the surface. Some meaningful—like birthdays, graduations, big events. And others that had no apparent meaning at all, like the one I had last night.

My nights were now filled with erotic dreams of Bella and memories of my brother.

 _God, I hope those don't ever mix, that would be…disturbing._

I shuddered and felt a wave of nausea overtake me.

 _Fuck. I needed to get out of bed and get some food and some Tylenol._

I stumbled into the bathroom and pulled out some headache medicine and quickly took it. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt. I made my way to the gym down the street so I could sweat out the booze from the night before.

Finally I returned home in the midst of a torrential down pour. It was almost 1:00. Though I felt better after my trip to the gym, I was ruminating over the events of the last few days. So much had happened in such a short time. I was becoming much closer with Bella, although she still needed to know things about me that I feared might make her walk away.

I was reeling from the information and the connections that I had found out about at the club. But for now I had compartmentalized much of that and decided to use my training to keep a level head about it.

Strangely, the thing that I was thinking about most was my sister's news. I found myself thinking about the past and the future. How much different would my life be if Eric hadn't died? Would I be married? Have any kids?

Who would I be married to? I had gotten over Claire a long time ago, but I couldn't deny that if things hadn't happened the way they did we likely would have gotten married. We were in that natural progression. It wasn't that we had an all-encompassing love for one another, not that I knew how that felt anyway, but we were moving along as we were "supposed" to.

The conversation with Alice and Jasper also made me feel guilty about the situation with Eliot. I began to realize that I needed to break my promise to Eric. It killed me to think that I would have to do that, but at the same time it killed me to think of what my parents, Alice and Jasper and even I had missed out on by keeping the secret for so long. The problem was, I wasn't sure how to break that news to them.

How do you tell your parents that they have a eleven year old grandson they've never met?

 _Yeah, that was not going to be a fun conversation._

I sighed. I had called Eliot yesterday and would like nothing more than to hear his cheery voice at the moment. But I knew he and Angela were going to some fair today, and he wouldn't be home. I had nothing on my agenda for the day until my meeting with the brothers tonight. Seth was planning to work some old contacts in Brooklyn and try to find out Jacob's involvement with the Dracs. He wanted to do it alone, and I respected his decision. I would have felt the same way.

I showered, changed and sat down in my apartment and listened to the rain pour against the large windows. It was soothing, but the echo was also a reminder of how dreadfully lonely I was.

 _What I wouldn't do to spend the day with Bella._

I sat up and thought for a moment.

Maybe I could spend the day with her.

Suddenly I got an idea. I didn't like going through her fire escape in the day time, but I had an even better idea for a cover. As long as I didn't do this often it would be okay.

I sent her a quick text to see if she had the afternoon free. When she responded only minutes later that she did, I hurried to put my plan into action.

I dressed up in jeans and a graphic tee and threw on a waterproof jacket. I donned a baseball hat and left Hell's kitchen to make my way to a tourist store near the square. I grabbed a cheap red jacket and some other paraphernalia for my disguise and worked my way up Broadway. Finally I slipped into a pizza place only two blocks from her condo and ordered a large New York pizza with everything. I remembered that Bella had told me she loved a loaded pizza, and I was glad to have that tidbit of information now.

I walked up to the building and gave the doorman a nod.

"Delivery for Miss Swan."

"Go ahead and hit the buzzer for 803."

I punched in the number when her voice came over the speaker.

"Hello?"

"I have your pizza…Miss Swan." I said into the intercom.

She gasped on the other end of the speaker and then let out a little laugh.

"Of course…come on up."

I made my way to the elevators and hit the button for her floor. I stepped out and walked down to her door. It was strange coming in the front door and even though I was dressed in a full pizza delivery type outfit, I liked the idea of it much better than using the fire escape.

It just felt more…normal. And I liked that a lot.

I knocked on the door and heard a quick shuffling of feet across the floor. The door flew open, and Bella greeted me with a breathtaking smile.

"Your pizza, Miss Swan." I smirked at her.

She cocked her head and looked at me coyly.

"I don't have any cash, however will I pay you?"

 _Holy fuck._

 _Oh, she wants to play. I am definitely up for this._

"I'm sure I can think of some way." I said playfully in return and she raised her eyebrows at me.

The electricity instantly crackled between us, and I stepped in to her place and set the pizza on her counter. Before I could think about it, I swept her into my arms and gave her a searing kiss.

"Mmmm. I'm thinking I need to order pizza more often." She joked and I ran my hand through her chestnut waves. She didn't have on an ounce of make-up and she was wearing a simple sundress. She looked beautiful and natural and everything I wanted in that moment. As usual my body was on fire with her in my arms, and I wanted nothing more than to run off to her bedroom with her.

But I stepped back before things became too intense. I knew we were trying to take it slow, and if I wanted to spend the day with her I had to keep my hormones and emotions in check. There was so much she needed to know.

"Have you had lunch yet? I know it was part of the rouse, but I got a pizza with everything you like." I smiled.

Her eyes lit up as she looked at me. "You remembered how I like my pizza?"

"Trust me, I remember everything…and for a lot of reasons." I said vaguely. We would get to that soon enough.

We sat down to have pizza at her breakfast bar and talked and teased each other playfully. Apparently Bella loved the pizza place that I stopped at and ate almost as much as I did. I was impressed with her small size but enjoyed the fact that she didn't try to be like a lot of girls and pick at her food. She was so real, so comfortable with herself. I found it refreshing in comparison to so many women. I hadn't dated in so long, and my only recollections of a relationship that had mattered was Claire. But Claire was fake and pretentious and asked for her food fifty-seven different ways so that she could minimize the amount of calories.

Bella was just…Bella. Beautiful, natural, refreshing and warm.

"So…I was hoping we could spend the day together since I always come here at night." I said tentatively.

Her eyes lit up again. "Sure. What do you want to do?" But then she looked out the windows. "It's pouring outside…but I guess that doesn't matter…we can't go out anyway." She frowned.

"Does that bother you?" I asked with trepidation.

"No." She shook her head assuredly and I sighed in relief. "I was thinking more about what we are going to do. I don't have much here." She laughed.

"Well, it's raining and dreary out, so I was thinking it's perfect day for a movie."

She smiled and then bounced out of her chair. She began rattling off movies from the living room and I wandered in next to her. I noticed a row of albums sitting across her shelves and grabbed one.

"Are these all pictures?" There had to be at least twenty albums on the shelf.

She blushed. "Yes, but you probably shouldn't see some of those. I am gangly with braces and bad hair." She laughed.

I opened the album in my hand and was staring at a beautiful little girl with dark hair and eyes. She was sitting behind a birthday cake with a "2" on it and a big toothy grin on her face. I knew instantly it was a picture of Bella.

"What are you looking at?"

"Is this you?"

"Oh my God, you can't look at those! I forgot I had them!" She tried to grab the album from me but I kept it out of her reach.

"Oh, I am definitely looking at these."

"Edward!" She kept trying to get to it, and I held her off until I wrapped my arm around her and we were both laughing.

Our eyes locked and I bent down to kiss her. My entire body warmed and I moved my hands to her hair.

Suddenly she snatched the album from me and took off.

"Hey!"

Our game of cat and mouse continued until we both collapsed on the couch laughing. I loved the way Bella's giggle rang through her condo. Spending time with her was so much different from my daily life. I felt so much lighter than I had in years.

After a bit of coaxing, and a few more heated kisses, I finally talked her into letting me look at the albums. We spent the next three hours on the couch, pouring over her childhood pictures and sharing stories about her brother and the boys she grew up with. She told me more about her parents and her grandmother.

I loved learning about her and looking at her pictures. It was still raining steadily outside and we decided to put on a movie. I sat on her couch and as she turned back to look at me, I could tell she was trying to decide where to sit. I held up my arm for her, and she smiled as she scooted under it with her head resting lightly on my chest. It felt so warm and comfortable and natural. She just fit with me and I was lost in the feeling of her warm body next to mine.

I wasn't paying attention to the movie at all as we sat in silence. Instead I was thinking about all of the things I needed to tell her. I knew that if I wanted this to go anywhere, which I was positive I did, then I needed to talk to her. I garnered some resolve to start when she asked me something out of the blue.

"Edward, why did you join the FBI?"

I cleared my throat and thought for a moment. I could give her my boxed answer that I had perfected after so many years. But this was Bella, and I wanted her to know. I didn't want to lie to her.

"It was because of Eric…" I trailed off. I waited for her to respond but she just turned her head and looked at me intently.

"I was angry…and I wanted to do something more in life. I went to law school because I always thought I wanted to be a prosecutor. I didn't want to live off of my family's money and I wanted to make something of myself regardless of our name."

Bella was turned into me and had one hand on my chest drawing small circles as she listened. I could see in her eyes how much she wanted to know. She wanted to know me as much as I wanted to know her. The look in her eyes; it was so much different than the way Claire used to look at me. It was almost startling. But it was like the rain outside; the clouds opened and poured out water. I was doing the same, pouring out my hopes and dreams and ambitions like I hadn't to anyone since Eric died.

I told her about starting at the FBI and my special skills, and she said Jasper had told her something about that. She was amazed when I said I had a photographic memory and 20/8 vision and all of my other advanced senses.

I even told her about Seth since I only said I had met him when she asked me about it on Tuesday. She looked very surprised when I told her he was my partner. But I explained that I wanted to speak with him before divulging that information to her. It was one thing to risk my cover but I didn't want to put my partner's cover at risk without asking him. She seemed to understand. I was surprised at just how understanding she was about a lot of the things relating to my job.

I told her about going to see Alice and that I was happy to be having a new niece or nephew. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about Eliot. But I waited. I needed to form my thoughts some more on that matter before I discussed it with her. I wasn't sure how my family was going to react and I wanted her thoughts on the matter since she was close with them.

She asked me about Alice's request with using Eric's name and she agreed that she thought it would be nice if they did it. I was actually coming to like the idea. It would be a good tribute, and I knew it would be something my parents would enjoy. I had been far too closed off from my family for too long, and on some level I knew that something as simple as that might help me work through my issues with Eric's death.

We were talking about the FBI again and some of the places I had been for my missions. Nothing specific that I couldn't disclose, but I could see her eyes light up as I told her about living abroad and in South America and some of the stateside missions.

"Claire was never supportive of my choice though. And my family wasn't too thrilled either, but they would always support me in anything."

"Who's Claire?"

 _Oh shit._

Was I ready to have _this_ conversation with her?

I looked at the clock and realized it was almost 8:00 at night. The light outside was fading and we had been sitting on the couch for nearly another three hours talking. The movie had long stopped on the TV and I could see the waiting look in her eyes.

Suddenly her stomach growled and she giggled and looked down.

"Let's have something to eat and then I can tell you about Claire."

She nodded in understanding as we got up from the couch and stretched since we had been sitting for so long. We warmed up the leftover pizza and Bella tossed together a salad as we once again sat at her breakfast bar.

I took a bite of my pizza and a sip of the red wine Bella opened. I could feel the heaviness in the room. I was trying to decide how to broach the topic. I wanted to be honest with her. I had never felt this way about anyone, and I wanted to do this right. Finally I cleared my throat and began.

"She was my girlfriend, in college and in law school."

Bella simply nodded and listened, urging me to continue.

"I thought I loved her and she loved me. I am sure we probably would have gotten married and the whole bit if…" I trailed off.

"If everything else hadn't happened."

I nodded.

"Do you miss her?"

"No." My response was so automatic. I was almost surprised by it. I did miss her, a lot, my first few years in the Bureau. But I had long ago focused on my work and realized that what we had simply didn't run very deep. I had just been comfortable with it and tricked myself into believing that it did.

"Claire wanted…the lifestyle. She was a Whitney." Bella's eyes widened but I continued. "She wanted to be married to a Cullen, lunch with her friends, have a house in the Hamptons, the whole yuppie perfection. I didn't realize just how superficial we were until after it ended."

"But you thought you were going to get married." She looked perplexed.

 _How did I explain it to her?_

I decided to launch in and tell her how Claire didn't support me in the FBI. How we met, how we were the purported perfect match even though we didn't have a lot in common. I told her that I realized once it was over that she didn't really love me the way she should have and I didn't love her that way either. We never had the kind of relationship my parents or Alice and Jasper had, that all-consuming, never stop thinking about her type of love.

I stopped and looked at Bella while the music we had playing lightly in the background filtered through the speakers. Our eyes locked and she swallowed the sip of wine she just took.

Suddenly my entire world clicked into place.

 _Holy shit._

My mind was racing as fast as our eyes were dancing back and forth across each other's faces. Everything I had just said, everything I wanted, was exactly how I felt about the woman looking back at me. The room was thick with realization, and I felt like my heart thundering in my chest.

 _Jesus, am I really…_

"I've never felt like that either…" She trailed off but she didn't have to say the rest. I knew how she was going to finish it. It was the same two words I would have used to finish the sentence.

 _Until now._

Somehow we managed to finish our dinner and moved back to her living room. The weight of our conversation was heavy, but not in a bad way. It was like a blanket that wrapped warmly around my body.

She sat down on the couch next to me and I just gazed at her. I took in her wavy chestnut hair as it spilled around her shoulders, her luminescent skin, her full pouty lips and her deep espresso eyes. She was beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She understood me and accepted me in a way no one ever had. I couldn't deny the feelings coursing through my body.

I reached over and stroked my hand down her face and she closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.

"Mijn Zon." I whispered. "Please tell me what you are thinking. I know I have told you a lot today."

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. The look she gave me was penetrating.

"I've never felt like this…I…don't know how to explain it." She said in a hushed tone.

"That's how I feel too." I swallowed and moved closer to her and she put her hand on my chest again, feeling my heartbeat below her fingertips.

"Bella, I am completely enraptured by you. I have been since the first time I saw you at Gray's." I smiled and she gasped. "It's true." I whispered and leaned closer and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

"Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Ik ben van jou." I said quietly and she sighed as she leaned her forehead to mine.

"I'm…I don't know how to express it so well…I love the way you say that and I can only say that I feel the same way."

I smiled. "I know."

The air around us was heavy with anticipation. I leaned in and brushed my lips to hers and she sighed again and then pressed back with more force. My hands instantly went to her hair as our lips locked and eventually our tongues battled for dominance. I could feel where this was moving. We had opened up so much to each other, and I knew she wanted me. Hell, I wanted her more than I could possibly imagine ever wanting a woman. I was desperate for her, but she had to know. She had to know the worst thing about me before I could be with her completely. Yet, I didn't want to ruin our perfect day together by telling her that.

Our kiss grew heady and our hands wandered. I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her tightly as we explored each other's mouths. She broke away and we both gasped for our breaths.

"Do you want to go to the bedroom?" She whispered huskily.

I knew if we went to that bedroom with the giant king bed and the warm lush comforter, it would be the end of me. I could hardly resist her now; I would never be able to resist her in there.

"Bella, I don't want to rush things."

"I know. I don't either." She frowned and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I put my finger under her chin and turned her head to make her look at me.

"What is it, Mijn Schoonheid?"

She gave me a curious look and smiled. "Schoonheid? What does that mean?"

I smiled at my realization that I had called her it out loud, and I leaned in to kiss her. "It means beauty." I whispered. "Or I could say _Mooi_ which is beautiful."

She blushed and bit her lip and looked down. I could tell something was bothering her. I tipped her face up again and I could see the war of emotions in her deep espresso orbs.

"You think I'm beautiful?" She smiled as the red scampered up her cheeks.

"I think you're exquisite. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Mijn Zon." I whispered.

She gasped and tears filled her eyes as she stared into mine. I couldn't put a name to the emotion that was coursing through my body, but something in her eyes met mine and I felt completely at home and yet on fire at the same time.

She crashed her lips to mine, and I was shocked with the ferocity behind her kiss. Our lips locked and she clutched her hands to the back of my neck as she moved across my lap. I could feel myself responding to her touch yet again. A fire raged from our connected lips and warmed my chest, all the way down my body. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer so that she was flush against me and she moaned at the contact.

 _Fuck it._

 _We don't have to do that, we could do other things right?_

My hands trailed up her satin thighs as I danced my fingers along the hem of her panties. She moved on me and I felt my erection grow impossibly harder at the contact.

Our tongues sped up the pace and fought with one another as our hands roamed. Mine up and down her gorgeous legs to her back and grazing her breasts. Hers along my chest and at the muscle in my arms and shoulders; squeezing, pulsing, tracing.

 _God I wanted her. Fuck what was I thinking?_

I ran my hands through her silky chestnut tresses as she pulled my lip into her mouth. I grazed my hands down her arms slowly and then grazed her breasts with my finger tips, and she shuddered at the contact.

God her breasts felt perfect in my hands and her body felt so right molded to mine. I wanted to tear her dress off and make love to her right there on the couch. But I knew I couldn't. Yet even though I couldn't, I had to see her. I had to feel her skin against mine. Without another thought I broke the kiss and looked into her smoldering eyes.

"Bella." I gasped. "Can I take this off?" I tugged at the bottom of her dress and she nodded as she lifted her arms and stared at me with an intensity that burned all the way to my now aching cock.

And then the fucking world stopped.

Hell all time stopped.

 _Fuck me._

 _God, I really am one fucked up idiot._

She was illuminated by the moonlight that was now streaming through the windows. She looked so much like she had in my dreams but a million times better. Her porcelain skin was set against the midnight blue lace bra and panties. She was more than exquisite. Her perfect breasts were rising and falling with her labored breaths, and I could see her pert nipples straining against the lace.

I ghosted my hands down her curves, and felt her skin ripple from my touch. Her trim yet hourglass shape was like heaven in my hands. I reveled in every inch of her with my fingertips, back up her curves and over her breasts, caressing, touching, just feeling her.

God she was fucking gorgeous. So much beyond my dreams I couldn't comprehend the sight before me. I reached up and swept a lock of hair behind her ear and she closed her eyes and bit her lip.

 _God, that fucking lip._

Then my want for her got the best of me, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jesus Christ, Schoonheid." I crashed my lips to hers once again and groaned. She moaned into my mouth as she rocked against me, the feel of her silky skin so completely in my hands almost undid me right then.

Then I felt her tug at my shirt and I lifted my arms reciprocating the action and she had a moment similar to my own. She stopped kissing me and ran her fingers lightly over my chest, down my arms and back to my abs as I breathed heavily from her ministrations.

I shivered under her touch and her eyes blazed with want.

"Apollo." She whispered.

"What?"

"You, you're like Apollo…remarkable." She rasped.

She continued to graze her fingers along my chest and I began to do the same. Then she bent to kiss me on my neck, down my shoulder and on my chest and I instantly found her pulse point and sucked. We were memorizing each other with our eyes, our lips, our hands.

She ground against me again, and I thought I was going to see stars as I clutched onto her perfect ass. She sat back and ran her hands down my chest firmly this time to the now very prominent bulge in my pants, and I looked at her through hooded eyes as she slowly unbuttoned my pants.

"We can't…I mean I don't have anything." I stammered.

"I know. We don't have to do that yet." She smiled lightly and then slowly pressed her hand along my length and I threw my head back.

Fuck, it had been so long since I had felt any woman's touch and this was Bella, the one woman I wanted more than anyone in my life.

I reveled in the feeling of her hand stroking me up and down, and I kneaded my fingers into her ass as I hissed in pleasure.

Slowly I brought my hand around and grazed her wet center outside her panties and she moaned and moved into my touch.

"Edward…" She closed her eyes and I was holding off losing it right there in her hands from hearing my name on her lips and feeling how soaked she was just through the fabric.

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her tightly to me and slipped my fingers under the lace and ran my thumb over her nub.

"Ah!" She cried out and gripped me more tightly.

"Fuck. Bella." I grunted.

I moved a finger into her and realized she was impossibly wet and tight and again I had to grit my teeth at the thought of my cock being inside of her. The thought of her completely surrounding me was almost more than I could bear.

Suddenly we both became frenzied. We had been begging off this release for so long, we were desperate for it. Her hand was on me, moving up and down my length in a perfect rhythm with my fingers in her.

I grabbed the back of her head with my other hand and crushed my lips to her as I thrust another finger into her and pumped as I rubbed her nub with my thumb. She moaned and pressed against me.

We were both burning, feeling one another, pleasuring one another in the most intimate way we had yet and relieving so much of the tension that had become common place around us. The feel of her in my hands, her body nearly encasing me on the couch and moving against me made me ache with want.

I released her lips and tipped her head back and trailed kisses down her neck, across her collarbone and finally I took one of her nipples in my mouth through the fabric.

"Edward. God." She rasped again and I felt her begin to tense around me.

I curled my fingers to find her spot and she moved her hand more forcefully around me. I wanted to see her; I wanted to see her in the throes of ecstasy, my sun coming apart from my hands.

"Come for me, Bella." I whispered as I flicked her nipple through the fabric again and she tensed and cried out as she threw her head back. Her mouth was slightly parted and her eyes were shut. I was enthralled at the sight before me.

I came instantly into her hands at the sight and groaned into her neck as we both panted through our releases and clutched one another. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled my other hand from her as she rested her head on my shoulder.

 _Fuck I can't imagine what it's going to be like when we're finally together._

We sat quietly until I felt her shiver.

"Mijn Zon."

"Hmmm." She said sleepily and I chuckled. It had to be almost 11:00 and I had been here all day.

She lifted her head up and looked into my eyes and I ran my hand through her hair once again as I leaned in to give her a slow, sweet kiss. She closed her eyes and sighed and we just sat with our foreheads pressed to one another.

She reached back to the coffee table for some tissues and handed some to me so that we could clean up. Once we were clean, she grabbed her dress.

"Here, let me." I whispered and she lifted her arms as I slowly pulled the dress back down over her, hiding her beautiful body from me once again.

I slipped on my shirt and buttoned up my pants, and she leaned down to rest her head on my shoulder while I stroked her hair. We just sat there in absolute silence, content in one another's arms until I started to feel her breathing even out.

"Mijn Schoonheid, I need to go."

She sighed and looked up at me with heavy eyes. I kissed her and lifted her up. I carried her to the bedroom and slipped her under the covers of her huge four poster bed and ran my fingers through her tresses one more time.

Just as I bent to give her one final kiss and turned to leave, I felt her hand on my arm.

"Stay with me?" Her eyes were pleading and it was taking everything I had in my body to deny it. How could I deny something that felt as easy as breathing and at the same time as mind-blowing as it was to be with her?

But I had a meeting with the brothers tonight and I didn't have a choice. I bent down to kiss her lightly as she hummed and closed her eyes.

"I can't, Mijn Zon. But soon. I promise." I trailed my hand down her face and gave her one more kiss before I slipped out of her room.

Then and there I decided I had to tell her soon. I had to tell her because I knew… with every ounce of my being I knew.

I was falling in love with her, if I wasn't already there.

My heart ached at leaving her. But she had to know. The one thing I hadn't told her. She knew about my crazy abilities, she knew about Seth, she knew about my fucked up grief, she knew about me.

But she didn't know I was a killer.

I jumped off the fire escape thinking only one thing: the next time I would see her would be Tuesday.

I would tell her on Tuesday.

As I raced into the night I focused on that. Either she would want me or not, and I would find out on Tuesday. I owed it to her and to me.

Tuesday's Coming. I'll see her again then.

 _Tuesday's Coming._

 **XXXX**

**Treadstone is the name of the assassin program from the Bourne movies. If you haven't seen it, they are all highly skilled, highly trained assassins with pretty sweet pads. At least Bourne's is in _The Bourne Identity_.


	13. Chapter 13: Love is Dangerous

**Chapter 13: Love is Dangerous**

 ** _I'd Come For You by Nickelback_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

 _"I'm no good, Isabella. I'm sorry."_

 _"I don't believe you." I shook my head crying. The tears were streaming down my face, and my heart was breaking. How could he do this to me?_

 _"I'm sorry for leading you on. You should be with someone else…someone who loves you more than me." His words were piercing through me yet I could see it, I could see the pain in his eyes._

 _Why was he doing this? Why was he lying to me?_

 _"I don't understand. Is it something I did? Just tell me. Tell me what I did." I pleaded with him. My voice was cracking, and I couldn't stop the flow of tears now._

 _"No. It's nothing you did. I just…I can't do this."_

 _"Why? You said you loved me. You said you would be there for me." I almost screeched at him._

 _"I lied."_

 _"I don't understand." I sobbed._

 _His head was in his hands as he sat on the couch of the apartment I was sharing with Kate in SoHo. Finally he looked up with a pained expression. It was as if he was trying to find the words._

 _"I cheated on you." He blurted out finally and cringed._

 _"What?" I gasped. I went from heartbroken to angry in seconds. He knew how much I hated infidelity. He knew how much I despised Phil and still harbored distaste for my mother. How could he?_

 _No. He didn't. Something else is going on. This has something to do with his job, I just knew it._

 _"I don't believe you." I said again, this time more firmly. I was shaking my head now; the tears had subsided for the time being._

 _"It's true." He gritted his teeth._

 _He was lying. I could tell he was lying. What the hell was going on?_

 _"You always said you could never do something like that. Your parents had screwed up their relationship and so had mine. You said you would never do that to me, so I don't believe you." I stared him down._

 _Was I being naïve? Maybe he really did cheat? Maybe I was just a stupid twenty-two year old who didn't know anything._

 _"I'm sorry. But I have to go. I'm sorry, Bella." He choked out._

 _How could he do this to me? He said he loved me. He said he wanted to marry me. He said he wanted to have kids with me and a home with me. This didn't make any sense. Why was he doing this?_

 _Before I could think he was standing up from the couch and walking toward the door._

 _"Wait! Alec! Please, why? What's really going on? We can work through this!" I chased after him desperately._

 _He paused at the door with his hand on the knob. His shoulders fell as he turned to look at me. I could see the heartache in his eyes which made me question him all the more._

 _"Please." I begged again._

 _"I…can't…I don't love you, Bella."_

 _My voice caught in my throat, and my whole world collapsed around me. He never called me Bella. He always called me Isabella._

 _I looked at him once again through tear-filled eyes as he opened the door. He turned slightly to look over his shoulder but he didn't meet my eyes._

 _"Don't come after me."_

 _And with that he was gone._

I awoke to rain lightly strumming against the window of my bedroom. My body was perfectly relaxed yet my mind was racing. It had been years since I dreamt about Alec. I had no idea what the hell caused it to happen. Let alone last night. After I spent possibly the best night of my life with a man who I was certain I was falling in love with.

I sat up and looked at the clock. It was 3:00 in the morning, and I had only been asleep for four hours. I practically begged Edward to stay, but he had to work last night, or at least I assumed he did by the way he answered my question.

And he wanted to take it slow.

Slow.

 _Fuck. Slow was going to kill me at this point._

But I had to admit, we both grew so much closer to one another after yesterday. The physical had always been easy for me. That would probably explain why I wasn't connected to a lot of my boyfriends emotionally. With James it was only the physical. With the handful of other men I had dated it was only the physical.

Everyone except for Alec.

 _Maybe that was what had spawned my dream?_

I had opened up to Edward as much as he had to me last night. I didn't consider myself a closed-off person, and I was definitely not as closed-off as he was. But I definitely built up some walls after Alec. I didn't let men get close to me. I separated the physical from the emotional. I didn't want to get hurt.

But Edward brought about so many feelings and emotions in me that I could no longer separate it. They simply weren't separable when it came to him. I wanted him in every way, physically, emotionally, mentally.

I stretched out my arms, and my body was still singing from our little tryst on the couch. My body had never felt so alive and burning with desire as it had at his hands.

 _Oh God, his hands._

Holy hell, his fingers should be patented.

I sighed as I lay in bed thinking about the day before. Maybe my opening up to Edward would bring back memories of Alec, but I could take it. I would take it, because I wanted and needed Edward ten times as much as I ever did Alec. And that was saying a lot, because once upon a time I had been certain that I was hopelessly in love with Alec and would have the entire American dream with him.

But he cheated. Or so he said.

He broke my heart and I hadn't gone after him as he requested. But it didn't make it hurt any less. It took me a good year to get over him and another year to even attempt to date anyone.

Now, I was long over him. I didn't love him anymore. I chalked it up to young love and naivety about love and life in general.

I thought about my conversations with Edward from the day before. Ironically he had a very similar relationship with his ex-girlfriend Claire.

Claire _Whitney_.

He was with fucking Claire Whitney, little Miss Princess of New York. I knew who Claire Whitney was, but I didn't tell him that. He had to know that everyone knew who Claire Whitney was. Her mother and father were large donors to the Met, and I always had to kiss ass with them at fundraisers. Unfortunately I would probably be seeing them at the one that was only a little over a week away.

Claire was no better. She was now married to some plastic surgeon who looked like he had already taken his knife to her. She lived in a fancy apartment on Fifth Avenue and did the whole socialite thing. As far as I knew she didn't work. They didn't have any kids yet, but that didn't stop her from staying home…or should I say spending her husband's hard earned money.

I rolled over in bed and realized I could still smell his scent on me. I could still feel his hands on my body and see his eyes piercing me. He was so sexy and yet so…vulnerable at the same time. He was sweet and caring but also strong and commanding. He was my tough agent yet so deeply troubled.

I was sure I was falling in love with him. If I was being honest with myself, I was probably already there.

But I felt as though he was holding something back. He wanted to take it slow, yet I could feel the desire rolling off him in waves as much as it did off of me.

I was surprised when he had told me about Seth, but I understood his intentions. Surely there were rules about agents and civilians. I was positive he was breaking a lot of rules by seeing me, and he wanted to talk to Seth before he put him in the same predicament. Of course knowing my friend Seth, I'm sure he didn't care. He probably just told him "don't hurt her or I'll kill you" just like Brad would have, or any of the other boys on our block for that matter.

Still, we had a wonderful day together. We talked and laughed and he looked at my pictures and I asked him questions about his parents and Eric and Alice. He was opening up more and more and I could tell it was getting easier for him. He still struggled, and I could see the pain in his eyes. But the more time we spent together the more I saw the witty, caring guy I made dinner with at Jasper and Alice's.

Then, of course when our eyes locked at dinner and he said he hadn't felt like this before, I knew. I knew as much as I could feel it in myself. We were both drawn to each other. Like magnets or gravity.

 _Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Ik ben van jou._

I sighed letting his words wrap around me like a blanket.

 _Schoonheid_.

Beauty. He called me his beauty and said I was beautiful. I couldn't imagine how a man that was such a perfect specimen of a human being could think that _I_ was beautiful. He was…unbelievable. Perfect.

Finally at 5:00 A.M. I determined that I wouldn't be getting any more sleep. I got out of bed and reluctantly slipped out of my dress that was still covered in his scent. I glanced down at the navy lace bra and panties I was wearing and smirked. The look on his face was pretty priceless.

 _Thank God I changed quickly when I got his text._

I slipped out of my lingerie and into some running clothes. It sounded like the rain had finally subsided as I made my way about the condo getting ready for my run.

Central Park was still wet from the rain, but the grass was a lush green that shimmered under the early morning sun.

Green like Edward's eyes.

I smiled to myself as I thought of the first day I had met him when I thought that. When he said he had been "enraptured" by me since the first time he saw me at Gray's, my heart almost beat out of my chest.

 _How could this God of a man be enraptured by me?_

I couldn't explain it, but I was drawn to him on every level possible. I wasn't going to fight it. Not anymore. I wanted him, and I knew he wanted me, even if it was taking him a bit longer to get there.

As I made my loop for home I realized it was Monday, and I briefly wondered if I would get another strange set of flowers. I didn't know what to make of the whole deal. It seemed to concern Edward, but I was starting to think it was one of my interns pulling a prank on me. I wouldn't put it past Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley.

At the same time I was perplexed by the meaning of the flowers.

 _Maybe the sender didn't know what they meant?_

I made my way up to my condo and got ready for the day. I would be early for work, which was perfectly fine since we still had a ton of work to do before the fundraiser.

Alice had finally brought over my mask and jewelry on our girls night a few weeks ago. I loved the entire ensemble. The dress was simple and chic, yet still had an artistic quality. The mask was a matching bronze around the eyes with beautiful turquoise, ruby and gold stones inset as well. And the jewelry was a simple pair of stud earrings and a bracelet with matching stones. I wasn't wearing a necklace because Alice though it would be too much, and I had to agree.

I walked into work at 7:15 and set about editing a batch of the interns' write-ups. I was busily marking up the documents and nibbling on my bagel and coffee when I heard a knock on the door.

 _Here we go._

It was 9:00 already and once again Maggie, our receptionist, grinned at me girlishly.

"Hi Maggie."

"Miss Swan…I mean Bella. You have flowers…again." She said trying not to smile.

I sighed and told her to bring them back to me if she could. I didn't feel like walking out in front of the interns today especially if they were all in on it.

Maggie walked in this time with a bundle of delicate pink flowers. They looked like a wildflower almost, but seemed too brittle to withstand much weather. I thanked Maggie and waited for her to close the door behind her and took a deep breath before I opened the card.

 _Carolina Rose_

Again, nothing more was included. I set them on the edge of my desk and sat down at my laptop to pull up the same website I used time and again. This was the fourth set of flowers. I had kept each card and put it in my pencil drawer in my desk and written the meaning of the flowers on the back. I was hoping that at some point it would all come together to form a clue. Or maybe it was anagram or something. Hell I didn't know. I would be flattered if I wasn't so annoyed by it.

Finally the website loaded and I scrolled down to find the meaning of the flowers and gasped when I saw it.

 _Carolina Rose - Love is Dangerous_

My heart stopped.

My breathing stopped.

 _Why would…?_

 _But who could…?_

 _What did that mean?_

I couldn't put together the meaning before me and the meanings of the other flowers. Up until now the flowers all seemed admiring, innocent.

But this. This was almost…frightening.

I didn't know what to make of it.

I quickly wrote it down and shoved away the card. The entire situation with the flowers had me utterly baffled. It was as if someone was trying to send me a message. But who? And what?

 _Love is dangerous?_

Shit. A ripple of fear went through me.

 _Did someone know about Edward?_

My mind raced through the possibilities that someone had seen us at some point; but it was impossible. We had been very careful. _He_ had been very careful. I knew he wouldn't take any unnecessary risks; he told me as much.

That left only a few possibilities. I still had a sneaking suspicion it was either James or Jacob. Love is dangerous could mean that Jacob was afraid of the fact that he was in love with me, as he had professed to me all those years ago.

And James continued to text and email me asking to see me. I simply ignored his contacts. I wanted nothing to do with him. Based on the raging jealousy I saw him display, he could quite easily be sending the flowers to me.

Or it could be my interns and the flowers had no meaning at all.

I sighed, once again, like I had each of the last three Mondays and willed myself to get to work in preparing for the fundraiser.

*&^%$#

I woke up with a smile on Tuesday. I was going to see Edward today. For some reason he was able to come on Tuesdays. I never particularly liked Tuesdays much before. But now I had a reason to.

I went through my morning ritual and slipped on a cute black and white Ralph Lauren dress that Alice had snagged for me from a shoot. I wanted to look nice for Edward tonight. He hadn't texted me yet, but he said he was going to come over today.

I walked to work through the park. The sun was finally shining again, but I had a strange sense of foreboding. I was still having the eerie feeling that someone was watching me, but I couldn't place it.

 _You're just being narcissistic, Bella._

Not that I thought highly of myself, hardly. But I couldn't get past the feeling of being watched. I picked up my pace a bit and hurried up the stairs to the Met.

I spent the morning once again engrossed in revisions until I decided to take a break and walk around the museum for a bit. I decided to take a quick pass through the Greek and Roman exhibit before going back to my office.

I stopped in front of the Apollo and just stared at it. It was a beautiful sculpture, but honestly it had nothing on my real life Apollo. My skin broke out in goose bumps just thinking about him. I was so lost in thought, I didn't notice anyone come up beside me.

"It's quite perfect isn't it?" A voice hissed.

I instantly tensed.

 _What the fuck?_

I turned slowly and eyed him. "What are you doing here, James?"

"You wouldn't take my calls, so I figured that I should come see you myself." He crossed his arms and eyed me up and down. "You look good, Bella."

"What's it matter to you?" I said through clenched teeth as I took a step back from him and mirrored his position.

He stepped forward and reached to touch my hair, and I turned my head away.

"C'mon baby. I said I was sorry. Why won't you take my calls?"

"I don't want to see you James. I told you last week. We. Are. Over." I annunciated.

"I never said we are over." He sneered.

I blew out a breath, exasperated, as James moved closer. He was not going to scare me. We were at my place of work, and I was not going to back down from him.

My eyes were locked with his, and my ears were burning. My jaw was set so tight I could feel it aching.

"Is everything okay here?"

I was still standing my ground but some of the tension left my body.

"Everything is fine, Jasper." I turned to see my friend walk up with his hands in his pockets and eyeing James.

"Doesn't look like it." He glared at James, and I put my hand on his arm.

"Really Jazz, it's fine." I turned to James again. "Mr. Raven was just leaving." I raised my eyebrows at him.

James stepped back and cocked his head. "You'll come back. It will just be a matter of time." He narrowed his eyes at Jasper one more time and then spun on his heels and left.

Once he was out of sight I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you sure you're okay. He didn't touch you did he?" Jasper looked at me warily.

"I said I'm fine, Jazz. How did you find me anyway?" I tried to change the subject.

"You weren't in your office, and you were late for lunch. I know this is your favorite place, so I came here." He shrugged but then his eyes got serious again. "Alice told me about what James did. I swear if he touches you again…" Jazz shook his head.

My eyes widened at his admission. I should have known that Alice would tell Jasper. But still, I knew he would be pissed once he found out.

"Jazz, just let it go. Besides I'm…" I stopped myself and bit my lip.

 _Shit. I almost told him I was seeing Edward._

"You're what?" He looked at me quizzically.

"Nothing. Let's go eat lunch." I grabbed his arm and lead us back to our offices, appalled at my near mistake.

After lunch I heard the other phone buzz and quickly opened it.

 ** _MZ~I can't come tonight. I'm sorry. Soon, I promise.~YA_**

I sighed. Of course he couldn't come tonight. After the shitty day I had, Edward wouldn't be coming over.

I frowned and texted him back. No Tuesday rendezvous for me.

 ** _MA~Don't worry about it. Text me when?~YZ_**

 ** _MZ~Of course.~YA_**

The rest of Tuesday and Wednesday dragged on. I ended up staying late at work on Tuesday because I didn't have to go home for anything. On Wednesday I worked long hours once again in preparation for the fundraiser and because I was taking Friday off.

It was the First of July and Friday was our designated day off from work, even though I still had a lot of work to do for the fundraiser.

But Friday I was hosting our annual barbecue at Charlie's. Every year all of my old friends and my Dad's friends in our neighborhood got together in Charlie's small backyard. We grilled out and set off firecrackers and drank beer. It was fun and just like the Fourth of July for so many families across the country.

This year I invited Angela and Eliot and my friend Zafrina as well. Angela was bringing Ben which I was very excited about. They had been on two more dates since their first and seemed to really hit it off. Alice, Jasper and Rose were spending the holiday out in the Hamptons with the Whitlocks and the Cullens. They invited me almost every year, but I loved seeing everyone from my old neighborhood. Sure I loved the beach and I had been out there a few times with Alice, but I wasn't really one for the big parties and the hoopla that always happened.

Thinking about the Fourth instantly made me think of Edward. I wondered what he was doing for the Fourth, and Seth for that matter. I was sure Seth wouldn't be back in Brooklyn, and Edward wouldn't be going to the Hamptons.

It made me think of just how lonely his job must be. No wonder there was so much pain in his eyes. He had to suffer every day by himself, without his family, without his friends. I knew it was largely self-imposed since he chose his profession, but I wondered just how lonely he was.

I cabbed my way home late again and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and drank a glass of wine before I climbed into bed and thought about my week.

I didn't know when I was going to see Edward again. I had never been in a relationship where the other person could only contact me. It was strange, I had to admit. But it was also tantalizing and riveting at the same time. It was almost as if it wasn't real, that it was fake somehow. But he was _so_ real; I knew it every time I was in a room with him, hell whenever I was within a twenty foot radius of him. And even though we were taking it slow, I felt like I knew him better than almost anyone else. Most other couples did the standard date thing and went to dinner or to the movies where each person could be easily distracted or use breaks in the conversation to focus on the subject of the date. But not when I was with Edward. We were forced to interact with one another—to talk and laugh and tell stories. We were forced to focus on each other because there were no waiters barging in or shows that were holding our gaze.

I realized that I was closer to him in a few weeks than I had been to anyone in six years. Still I wished Edward was here, in my bed, with me. Once again I slowly drifted off to sleep hoping my wish would come true and the next time he came, he would stay.

*&^%$#

Soft hands trickled down my side as lips descended on my neck.

 _Was I dreaming? I know I went to bed alone._

Suddenly a warm, strong arm wrapped around me and I sighed into his touch. I would know his touch anywhere, even if we had only been together for a short time.

I was sure I was dreaming now. I could hear the wind whistling down the alley and through my blinds, but I shut my eyes tighter trying to stay in my dream.

His lips worked their way down my collarbone, and his hand ever so lightly grazed the skin under my tank top. He was warm and solid against my back and I wanted to be lost in the sensations—in the way his hands and his lips felt on my body.

"Edward." I moaned as he found the spot just below my ear making ripples of desire race through my body.

"Mijn Zon. I'm sorry about last night. I wanted to come." He said as he lightly nibbled my ear.

 _Wait. Am I not dreaming?_

I rolled over to be met with blazing jade eyes and my Apollo once again dressed in black. He looked every bit the undercover agent that he was, and the sight of him in my bed, with his arms around me, made my body quiver with want.

"Edward…what are you doing here?" I rasped.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. You can go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you." He said as he trailed his hands through my hair.

 _God, I fucking love it when he does that._

I shook my head at him. "No. I'm glad you came." I gave him a small smile and then leaned in to lightly kiss him on the lips. But a spark of electricity ignited between us.

"Mijn Zon…" He groaned as he deepened the kiss. But then he pulled back and put his hand on my face. "I want you so much. I dream about you. Do you dream about me?" He asked, his eyes absolutely smoldering in intensity.

"Yes." I said huskily. "Every night." I added.

He closed his eyes, and as he reopened them I could see the pain and the longing. Something was wrong with him. Something had happened tonight. I could see it in his eyes. That's why he came.

"What's wrong?"

He sighed and closed his eyes once again and leaned his forehead to mine as he stroked my hair.

"I still have so much to tell you. And I'm afraid…" He trailed off.

I traced my fingers down his cheekbone and his body released some of the tension I could feel. "It's okay, Edward. You don't have to tell me now."

He looked at me then, and I could see the emotion warring within him. Without a word he pressed his lips to mine hungrily. I could feel the need, the desperation behind his kiss. Whatever was troubling him, he couldn't tell me, but he was obviously trying to show me. He wanted me, and I wanted him more than I could possibly comprehend.

He wrapped his arms around me tighter as he plunged his tongue into my mouth. Fire burned through my body and I was instantly soaked with my want for him.

He moved to hover above me, his mouth never leaving mine as his hands caressed me. It was almost as though he were memorizing me. He sat back and tugged on my camisole, and I sat up slightly and lifted.

I lay back and his eyes locked on me, burning, searing my body as he took me in. I was only wearing black lace panties as he stared down at me in the barely lit room. Slowly his hands worked their way up my body firmly yet reverently. He brushed his thumb over my nipple causing it to pebble from his touch and I shuddered.

"Mijn Schoonheid." He said hoarsely. "Perfecte."

Then he brought his mouth to where his thumb had just been and lightly flicked and pulled at my nipple.

"Ah, Edward." I cried out and my hands gripped his hair holding him to me. He continued his slow teasing of my nipples, one then the other while his hands worked themselves up and down my body. I was dying for him, but I could feel his pain. I could feel whatever was troubling him. I could feel him aching for me, for his job, for whatever was causing his pain.

But I wanted to make him forget. I pushed back at him and sat up and pulled on his black shirt as he lifted his arms. I tossed it to the side and traced my fingers over his skin.

 _God he was perfect_.

He was muscular and pure man, and better than any Apollo I had ever seen in marble. His chest was flawlessly sculpted and his abs…dear god his abs were exceptional. They tensed and flexed as I ran my hands down his shoulders over his pectorals and back to his abs. I pushed him again willing him to lie down as I climbed over his legs.

He looked up at me with hooded eyes, and I kissed his chest right over his heart and made my way to his nipple. I trailed circles over it with my tongue and he moaned. I continued to just feel him and taste him with my hands and lips. He was perfect. I wanted him so much, but right now I just wanted to take away his pain.

I worked my way back up his chest to his neck and lightly bit on his earlobe.

"Bella." He gasped. "Shit."'

"Edward." I whispered as I kissed my way back down his neck and pressed my hands down along his arms. I traced my fingertips over his bicep as I sat back up and looked at the tattoo on his arm.

Without thinking I bent down to kiss it and he shuddered and instantly put his hands in my hair. His fingers scraped at my scalp, but it wasn't painful, it was wanton, and needy.

I slowly kissed my way back down his abs to the perfect v at his hips and began to undo his belt.

"No. This wasn't supposed to be about me…" He tried to sit back up but I stopped him.

"Shh. I want to make you feel good. I want to help you forget, Edward."

"Bella…"

"Shh." I silenced him with my lips and then worked my way back to the promised land. I knew he was large from having him in my hands but the thought of finally seeing him, all of him in my bed, even if we weren't going to have sex yet, was causing me to smolder from the inside out.

I tugged on his pants and he lifted his hips as I removed them. I sat back up and firmly ran my hands over his muscular thighs and back up to his abs.

 _Jesus H…He really is a God._

I bent down to kiss him right on the tip of his cock and he jumped.

"Fuck. Bella." He grunted and his hands were at once back in my hair.

"Tell me, Edward. Tell me how to make you feel good." I said as I looked up at him and he just nodded at me with smoldering eyes.

Then I took him in my mouth, lightly sucking and working my way up and down his length with my lips. I swirled my tongue over the tip and he groaned loudly and gripped my hair more firmly.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. So fucking perfect…just like that."

I continued to work him. He was so large, there was no way I could take him all in my mouth. It made my center boil with the thought of having him inside me. But I focused on pleasuring him. I gripped his base with my hand and slowly but firmly stroked him and worked him with my hand and my mouth.

I could tell he was trying not to thrust into me but he was become frantic under my mouth and my hand.

I hummed around him, and he groaned loudly again and swore under his breath. Then I looked up at him and he was watching me with hooded eyes, his one hand was gripping my hair and the other was fisting the sheets so tightly I thought he might rip them right off the bed.

I looked back down and increased my pressure—sucking, gripping, swirling.

"Fuck. Bella, I'm going to come." He pulled on my hair a bit, but I continued working him. Then I felt and heard him lay back.

"Ugh. Bella." He grunted and thrust into me once and I could feel him harden in my mouth. I took him as deeply as I could. The warm liquid shot down my throat as I finished him off completely.

Suddenly I was on my back with him hovering over me, and he crashed his lips to mine. I was sure I still tasted like him—salty and manly—but he must not have cared.

"God, I want you, Mijn Zon." He rasped into the kiss.

 _Then fucking take me? What's holding you back?_

"But I am at least going to return the favor." He kissed his way down my body to my center, and my skin was on fire at his touch. I knew this wouldn't take long; I was so completely turned on from pleasuring him that I was sure one touch from his expert fingers would undo me.

Then I felt his hands tug at my panties and lifted. He massaged my calves, my thighs and my hips and pulled me to him.

 _Oh shit, he's going to taste me. I couldn't remember the last time a man took his time to do that._

I dropped my head back in anticipation and before I knew it his mouth was on me.

"God. Edward!" I cried out as he plunged his tongue into me—licking and simultaneously rubbing my nub. I was moaning at the sensations he was sending through my body, and I gripped his hair and pulled him to me tighter.

He responded by increasing his hold on my hips and plunging his tongue deeper. He alternated between thrusting his tongue and his fingers into me and working my nub. I looked down and saw his head between my legs, pleasuring me with his mouth and another rage of fire shot through my body.

"Oh my God!" I cried out. I was spiraling, faster than a hurricane toward the coast. My legs were shaking, and I gripped his hair ferociously.

"Edward!" I gasped one more time as I struck land and went sailing over the edge. Wave after wave of my orgasm rocked my body as he slowly kissed me on my nub and then worked his way back up my body.

I grabbed him and pulled him to me, crashing my lips to his as we kissed powerfully. We stayed locked in that position. Him hovering over me, gripping me around my waist and kissing me so passionately. It was as if I could feel every emotion with every beat of his heart. Finally our kisses slowed, and he moved over and lay down beside me and pulled the covers over us. He circled his arm around me and crushed me to his chest so hard I almost couldn't breathe. I could feel his pain; feel whatever was bothering him in the intensity of the way he held me.

But I didn't care. If I was what he needed, then I would let him. I would be anything for him, and I knew then that I was utterly in love with him.

He leaned his head down and inhaled deeply and then kissed me on the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

"Sleep, Mijn Schoonheid." He whispered as he kissed me again and pulled me impossibly tighter to him.

I wanted to respond, but I was sated and exhausted by the intensity of our exchange. I couldn't fight it any longer, and I immediately fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

*&^%$#

I felt more than heard a shuffling and I blinked my eyes to wake up. It was still dark, but a tiny remnant of light seeped through the window. It was just before dawn and I could tell Edward was no longer beside me. I rolled over to find the bed still warm but empty and squinted my eyes to look around the room. He was facing the opposite wall bent over and pulling on his pants.

 _Holy hell, even his ass is perfect._

I had to repress a moan. He stood up and lifted his arms over his head to pull on his t-shirt but not before I could make out the large tattoo on his back. It looked like a lion over crossed swords. There was writing on it, but I couldn't make it out in the dim light. It was unbelievably hot, even more so than the one on his arm, and blood once again raced through my veins at the sight of this man.

 _Sweet mother of…_

His muscles tensed and flexed as the lion disappeared behind his black shirt, and he turned around.

His eyes widened as they met mine, obviously surprised that I was awake, and we just stared at one another for a moment.

Finally I stood up and wrapped the sheet around me and walked over to him. I lifted my hand to his cheek, and he closed his eyes and turned his head into my hand.

The tension and pain and a hundred other emotions were rolling off of him in waves.

"I'm sorry…about last night." He whispered and opened his eyes with a pained expression.

I could be taken aback. But I wasn't. I could think he meant he didn't want me, but I knew what he really meant. If I had learned anything about this man in the short while that I knew him, he was apt to self-loathing and more considerate than any man I had ever met. He was sorry for coming in the middle of the night and doing what we did, without a precursor or talking. I needed to tame that fear immediately.

"Don't be. I'm not." I whispered back to him. I met his eyes and tried to convey the sincerity of my words with my expression.

He nodded and instantly pulled me into his arms, and I could feel his tension ease as I melted into his embrace. We stood there simply holding one another until the light was becoming brighter in the room.

"I should go." He murmured and I nodded into his chest.

He stepped back and put his hands on my face and then trailed one through my hair.

"I'll call you?" He said and I nodded. He kissed me tenderly before stepping out of my bedroom and into the dawn by way of my fire escape.

I sighed. I didn't know what was bothering him, but I wished he could tell me. Somehow I had a feeling that whatever was bothering him was also the reason for why he didn't want to sleep with me yet. It wasn't that I jumped in bed with men. It was just that I had simply never wanted anyone as much as him in my life.

I turned to look at the clock and noticed it was just after 5:00 A.M. I was up early yet again and decided to get ready for my day. I stepped over to my dresser and noticed a small silver coin-like emblem sitting on top of the cherry wood. I picked it up and looked closer. I didn't recognize it. I knew it wasn't mine so it must have been Edward's. I rubbed my thumb over the emblem and noticed it was just like the tattoo on his back. It was a lion over two crossed swords. The lion's mouth was open as if in a roar and it was bearing its claws. The symbol was magnificent.

I flipped it over and noticed three letters on the back.

 _ECC_

I knew immediately whose it had to be. It was Eric's.

But did he mean to leave it here, or did he leave it by accident? I wasn't sure what the meaning of the emblem was or why he left it, but I knew that something happened last night to cause him to come here, to cause the tortured look in his eyes.

I put the emblem in the top drawer of my dresser and began to get ready for the day. Yet all day long I couldn't help but remember the pain in his eyes, the absolute need in the way he touched me. It was as if he were breaking. As the day progressed, I shuffled my way through work and home once again. But I kept thinking over and over.

 _What's troubling you, Apollo?_

*&^%$#

"Dad?" I called through the house. It was strangely quiet considering I was running behind this morning.

"Dad?" I yelled again as I made my way to the kitchen and began to unpack the groceries I picked up at the corner market. Charlie was supposed to get the beer for the barbecue, and I would make all the food.

I began to hum and unpack the groceries when I heard whispering in the other room.

I quickly stepped into the living room and froze.

There was my Dad. Without a shirt. With his arms wrapped around Sue Clearwater.

 _Oh my God._

 _Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!_

I hurriedly slinked back into the kitchen and tried to contain the full out laugh that was bubbling up in my throat.

 _Oh my God, if Brad was only here to see this!_

I knew I could be appalled like most children or angry or sad. But I wasn't. I found the sight quite amusing actually.

Instead I contained my giggles and began pounding around in the kitchen as loud as I could.

I heard shuffling and low voices in the other room, and my Dad came into the kitchen, now in a t-shirt, with a face as red as a tomato.

"Hey…uh Bell…when…uh…when did you get here?"

I turned to look at my Dad, and I was sure my face was as red as his. I couldn't contain it any longer, and I barked out a laugh and my Dad's face grew instantly redder.

"I…uh…" I was gasping and trying to control my laughter. "Just a few minutes ago."

Finally I calmed down and tried to be the respectable thirty year old woman that I was, and blew out a breath.

"Did you get the beer?" I asked him trying to change the subject.

He looked at me sheepishly. "Uh…yeah."

"Good. Tell Sue I said hello." I winked at him as I turned around to begin preparing the food.

I heard my Dad exhale and walk back into the other room. I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh.

I was happy for him. My Dad hadn't dated anyone since my Mom left. And he and Sue had been friends for years. She was like a second mother to me.

 _I should have Edward tell Seth about this._

Thoughts of my Apollo made me smile and made me sad at the same time. I hadn't heard from him since Wednesday night, or I guess it was Thursday morning. I still couldn't figure out what could be troubling him. But I shook it off. Today was going to be a good day.

Although the Fourth could be sad for a lot of people in New York, I told Charlie long ago that we were going to continue our tradition and celebrate the holiday. We would celebrate the life and the service of Brad and Harry and so many others. I refused to let it become a morbid occasion when it was one of my best memories from my childhood and early adulthood.

I set about cutting up a large watermelon and marinating some chicken and thawing out burgers and brats. The rest of the crew from the neighborhood would bring tons of side dishes and desserts. We always had more than enough food.

By 1:00 my old house was buzzing with people. Several of the cops from my Dad's precinct were there. Sam and Emily and their kids as well as Jacob and Leah and their boys were out back. Sue came back around 12:00 and blushed furiously at me until I told her that I was happy for them, and they both deserved it.

Finally around 2:00 Angela, Ben and Eliot showed up along with Zafrina.

We all stood outside talking and laughing and grilling out in the warm July weather.

"So Bella, you said you are seeing someone. Where is he today?" Zafrina asked me.

"Err. Well, we broke up. It didn't work out." I shook my head.

"I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "No big deal."

"I should introduce you to my accountant. He's cute and works downtown." She raised her eyebrows at me suggestively.

Oh crap. I knew this was going to start happening. My friends were going to want to set me up on dates, and I didn't know what I was going to tell them.

"I think I am going to stay out of the dating game for a while…refresh a bit." I stated as I finished my beer. But Zafrina eyed me peculiarly.

I excused myself to go inside to grab another beer. I stepped in the back door and started down the hallway to the kitchen, and I stopped when I heard them. I could hear Jacob and Leah's voices in the kitchen.

"How can I trust you? You never tell me where you are, what you are doing? Jake, I can't do this anymore." Leah snapped at him.

 _Oh shit. This did not sound good._

 _Wait what's Jacob been doing to make her say something like that?_

"Leah, please not here." He said lowly.

"Then when, Jacob? Because you're never home and you don't tell me anything. Is it her? Is that what this is about? Why can't you get over her?" She was angry, but I could hear the hurt in her voice.

"Leah, stop. You know I only want what's best for us."

"Then where are you at all hours of the night? What's best for you is to be home with your family."

She sighed loudly, and I immediately crept back down the hallway. I felt bad for listening as long as I had. But as they say, it was like a train wreck…I couldn't look, or rather walk, away.

I didn't know what they were talking about. Apparently Jacob had been gone a lot? And what _her_ was Leah referring to? I furrowed my brows confused, but then I hurried outside and found my friends again. We continued to joke and laugh, and Eliot even had us in tears with his jokes. The kid was a stitch. I couldn't figure it out, but he reminded me of someone. His eyes were eerily familiar and the way his hair was in constant disarray on his head he bore a striking resemblance to…someone.

I shook my head. It was highly unlikely that I knew Angela's ex-whatever. Still his mannerisms and even his exuberant personality struck me as familiar.

"Hey Mom!" He tugged on Angela's arm after he just finished kicking the soccer ball around with Embry and Quil.

"Yes, Eliot."

"Do you think Uncle E will call today?" He asked excitedly.

 _Uncle E? Oh right. Her ex's brother._

Angela's eyes widened, and then she bent down to whisper something in Eliot's ear. He nodded and gave her a strange frown but shrugged his shoulders and took off to go kick the ball around some more.

She turned back to us and rolled her eyes uneasily.

I just smiled. I knew the whole situation wasn't supposed to be open information to everyone so I kept my mouth shut.

We continued on about our day, and I tried to avoid the piercing glare of Leah Black. Instead, I periodically snuck in the house to check my phone. I still hadn't received a text from Edward and I sighed. I probably wasn't going to see him tonight either.

Once evening rolled around and the rowdies began to dissipate, I helped Charlie clean up the backyard and the house. Charlie and I worked in a comfortable silence as we always did. But I was sure he was still mortified about this morning. I decided I should be the one to say something. I knew he would never broach the topic.

"Hey…Ch…I mean Dad?"

"Yeah, Bell."

"I'm happy for you…I hope you know that. You and Sue…" I shrugged as I tried to form my thoughts. "Well, you both deserve to be happy."

He looked at me intently until he nodded.

And that was that.

Charlie was a man of few words, and truly I wasn't much different when it came to communicating with my parents. I really was happy for him. He had been alone far too long, and it had been a long time since Harry died.

Almost eleven years.

It was hard to believe he and Brad had been gone that long. I stood outside and finished picking up the trash. Once I deposited it in the back alley I went inside and gave my Dad a kiss goodnight and made my way up to my old room. It was too late to take the train back to the city and I didn't feel like wasting the money on a cab when I had no reason to be back.

I quietly stepped into my old room and looked around. My Dad hadn't changed it at all. It still held my bed and dresser from when I was a child. There were posters and copies of my school newspaper, of which I was the editor, lining the walls. I walked over to the bulletin board and noticed that I must have put pictures up from when I was in college. There were several of Alec and I, as well as Kate and a few of our other friends from NYU.

I pulled a big t-shirt from my drawer and crawled under the covers of my old twin bed and just listened to the quiet. The house had its creaks and movements, but it was still much quieter than Manhattan. Although I didn't live in a busy neighborhood there was still a hum about it.

I should have been exhausted from not getting much sleep this week and preparing for the barbecue but my mind was wide awake.

I kept thinking about Edward.

 _How could I get him to open up to me?_

 _What was it that he was holding back?_

I began to think about how he was actually somewhat similar to Alec. Alec was the first guy I ever truly thought I was in love with. I dated Josh in high school and we did all of our "firsts" together. But when I went to NYU and he decided to join the Marines, we parted amicably and went on our ways. I lay in my bed as I thought back on my relationship with Alec.

 _"Isabella. There's a customer here can you please go check on it!"_

 _"Of course, Victoria." I rolled my eyes. She was probably in the back just talking on her phone. Even though she was the curator at the art gallery, she made all of us do the work. But I didn't complain. I loved working at the gallery in SoHo, and I had been doing it for a couple of months now. It was the middle of May 2001 and one of the first really warm days of the season._

 _I walked up to the front and instantly stopped. A very handsome man was walking back and forth looking at a few pieces from a photographer out of upstate New York. I instantly smoothed down my red shirt and gray dress pants and walked up to him._

 _"Can I help you?" I asked quietly._

 _He turned to look at me and gave me a wide smile. He was very handsome and had that Brad Pitt look about him with the little bit of facial hair on his chin and a devious smile. He was rugged looking with sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes. He looked like he had been in the sun even though it was early May. He had an air about him that showed he came from money but at the same time was comfortable in the jeans and leather jacket he was now wearing. It should have struck me as odd since it was almost eighty degrees outside, but it didn't. I was much too caught up in his curly blonde hair and sun-touched features._

 _"I think you can." He said. "I like this piece. Who's the artist?" He gestured to a black and white photo on the wall. I rattled off the name and the location of the shot and some facts about the artist. All the while I could feel his eyes on me._

 _"So how might I get this delivered to my loft? I definitely want to take it today, but I have my bike with me." He gestured to the window, and I saw a gleaming motorcycle in front of the gallery. I almost whimpered as a thrill raced through my body._

 _Shit. Charlie and Brad would have a conniption of they knew what I thought of motorcycles._

 _They're hot._

 _Especially with a Brad Pitt, circa Thelma and Louise, look-alike on them._

 _"Well, we can most certainly have it delivered." I composed myself and informed him with a smile. He gave me a wicked grin and then turned back toward the picture and then back to me. I could feel myself blushing under his intense gaze. I quickly walked behind the counter to write up his receipt when he stepped in front of the marble divider._

 _"What about if you delivered it personally?" He lowered his voice with a gleam in his eye._

 _"Oh…well we…I mean I don't really do that." I stuttered. What was he asking?_

 _"Would you make an exception?" He leaned over and crossed his arms over the marble. I could smell the leather from his jacket and my heart skipped a beat._

 _"Um…just let me check with my boss." I stammered and walked back to find Victoria. She was actually working, or at least appeared to be when I knocked on her door._

 _"Yes, Isabella?" I had to refrain from rolling my eyes again. She was intent on calling me Isabella because she thought it was more posh than Bella._

 _Whatever._

 _"I have a question about our customer." I explained the situation to her and she raised her eyebrows. When I told her his name she shot up from her seat at once._

 _"What?"_

 _"Isabella. You didn't tell me it was Alec Masen." She drew out his last name._

 _"I didn't know it was important." I mumbled, but she pushed past me with a flick of her long red hair. I followed her back out to the front where she flirted with him incessantly. I almost wanted to stab her with my pen._

 _I saw him first damnit._

 _Why was I jealous?_

 _I shook off the thought until Alec looked at me exasperated and finally cut her off._

 _"If you don't mind, I would like your…" He turned to look at me "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." He smiled warmly and I returned it._

 _"B-"_

 _"It's Isabella." Victoria cut me off, and I glared at her._

 _"Isabella." He breathed. And right then I didn't mind my full name so much anymore. He continued to smile at me and then turned his focus back on Victoria._

 _Somehow he talked her into having me deliver the photo to his loft and I could only smile and nod. Apparently the name Masen meant something around here, though what I didn't have a clue._

 _That evening I took a cab with the now carefully packaged 20x20 photo on my lap to his address in the Flatiron District. I made my way into his building and used the old elevator as it ricketed up to his floor. I walked down the hallway and knocked tentatively on his door. I heard shuffling and the door flung open as he gave me a grin and crossed his arms._

 _"Isabella, it's good to see you again."_

 _"Mr. Masen." I smiled._

 _He scoffed. "It's Alec. Come in." he gestured past him, and I walked in to the retrofitted loft. The pipes and beams were exposed to give it a robust feel. It was very manly and very much the epitome of the image he had when he walked into the gallery._

 _"Where would you like it?" I asked tentatively._

 _He smiled at something and shook his head._

 _He cleared his throat. "On the counter is fine for now." He motioned to the black granite top that was open to the large room._

 _"This is a unique place. Was it refurbished?" I asked._

 _He shrugged. "My Dad owns the building. I work for him, and he lets me have this place for free."_

 _"That's nice of him."_

 _He chuckled wryly. "It's not nice; it's his way of having me over a barrel. Just another trust fund baby like all of my friends." I could sense the disdain in his voice. I didn't have a clue what he meant by that. I certainly didn't have a trust fund, and I didn't have any friends that did either._

 _"Sorry." He said a bit sheepishly._

 _We stood there for a moment until I realized I should be going._

 _"I suppose I should go." I moved toward the door when he rushed to catch me._

 _"Wait." He grabbed my arm and I turned to look at him._

 _"Can I get your number… call you sometime?" He seemed almost nervous now, the opposite of how he had acted all evening._

 _Seriously?_

 _This guy cannot be interested in me. I'm nineteen; he has to be at least four years older than me? And he's gorgeous. I am just plain Bella from Brooklyn._

 _"Um…" I bit my lip until I pulled out my Nokia cell phone that Charlie insisted he buy me. "Sure."_

 _I quickly rattled off my number as he scribbled it down with a pen._

 _He walked me to the door and promised to call me soon, and I almost tripped as I made my way back to the elevator._

 _The next day he called me to ask me to dinner. At first I was unsure if I should start dating him. He was four years older than me, twenty-three at the time, and out of college. But eventually I gave in. I found out he had walked by the gallery daily for a week before he worked up the nerve to come in and talk to me. He didn't even want the picture. He just bought it as a way to meet me. He was almost shy in reality; compared to the confident man I had met the first night at the gallery. He later admitted that he had gone to happy hour with his friends and worked up a little liquid courage to come talk to me._

 _He was fun and carefree, and he liked to do a lot of the things I did even though I was still in college. Even though we had only been dating a short time he was there for me when Brad had died and even volunteered at a few events with me. We dated all through my sophomore and junior year of college and into my senior year until shortly after my twenty-second birthday._

 _He told me he wanted to move to California and have a house on a beach and be able to ride his motorcycle year round. I didn't want to leave New York, but I wanted to be with him. I am sure I would have followed him anywhere at that point. I thought I was in love. He wanted to get married and have kids and start his own construction company away from his father._

 _He worked for his father in some capacity. I never really knew what he did for Masen Industries, but I knew he and his father didn't get along very well. His father had cheated on his mother when he was fourteen and she later became very depressed after he left her for his mistress. But he knew that to keep his trust fund proceeds and live in his loft he had to work for his father. They had a strained relationship at best._

 _The last six months before my twenty-second birthday he became more distant. I could tell something was troubling him, but when I tried to get him to open up about it he would always tense up and wouldn't speak to me. I figured it was something to do with his job. Whenever I mentioned it or his father, he became rigid and almost angry. It was as if he was a different person. Up until that fateful day in early October when he left, I thought he would work through it._

 _But I was wrong. And he left._

I sighed as I looked around my bedroom once again. I didn't know where Alec was at this point. I didn't really care anymore except that he did have some ridiculous similarities to Edward.

Maybe that's why I am so troubled by Edward not telling me? I am afraid he's going to leave too?

 _Like all the other men in my life._

My mind halted at my realization. I hadn't been close to anyone in almost nine years because that's when Alec left.

In a matter of two years of my life Brad died, Charlie turned inward and then Alec left. I lay there and realized that somewhere along the line I decided that I didn't want to get too attached to anyone because I was afraid they were going to leave me too.

But I was already in so deep with Edward; I couldn't wrap my mind around it. He had so effortlessly destroyed those walls around my heart that I had spent nine years maintaining.

As I grasped this new insight in the darkness of my old bedroom, one thing became very clear. If I was ever going to have what I wanted, and I was sure I wanted everything with Edward, then I had to tear down his walls too. I had to break through the last of whatever he was barricading around himself.

And the next time I saw him, I was going to set out to do exactly that.

*&^%$#

"Bella!" My Mom waved at me frantically from across the restaurant. We were meeting for dinner at a little Chinese place I used to frequent in college.

"Hi Mom." I kissed her on the cheek and sat down across from her in the booth.

"Where's Phil?"

"He's working." She shrugged as she looked at the menu.

"On a Sunday night?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, you know…they're trying to get that big project going and they're having lots of problems." She waved her hand dismissively.

"What project?"

"Oh that new complex in Brooklyn."

I had heard of the new project. Several people mentioned it at the barbecue on Friday and I noticed Jacob tensing as they discussed it. Something bothered him about it and I couldn't tell why.

"Yeah I've heard about it."

"So what's good here?" My mom changed the subject and we chatted about the barbecue and the people in the neighborhood. I found it interesting that she even cared considering the way she left when I was a child.

I had spent Saturday with Charlie and then at Sam and Emily's for a while. I finally came back Saturday night hoping that Edward might be at my place. But he wasn't.

 _Maybe something broke with his case?_

I hoped for his sake it had. I spent the morning and early afternoon working and cleaning my apartment before Renee called to see if I wanted to have dinner. After all of my thoughts of Alec the night before, I somehow associated it with my stomach, and I was craving the Kung Pao chicken at our favorite Chinese place. I figured what the hell and told my Mom to meet me there. I hadn't been there since Alec left and ironically it was like another wall to tear down.

I continued to make small talk with my Mom and told her about work and the fundraiser. But of course when I told her that I broke up with James she flipped.

"Bella! What were you thinking? He's perfect for you. He can give you everything you will ever want."

I sighed. "Mom, I don't care about that. I would rather be happy. We just didn't click."

Understatement, but I was definitely not telling my mother about everything that had transpired between us. The woman had no filter whatsoever.

"Darling. You need to find a man who can provide for you."

I rolled my eyes. "I can provide for myself, Mom. Thank you very much for your concern."

I sighed as I finished my dinner and tried to focus on something other than men.

 _When did my life become a soap opera?_

Just then I looked up as the door clanged open and I saw a mop of sandy blonde hair walk up to the cash register.

 _Apparently right now._

 _What. The. Fuck?_

He paid for his food and then stood with his hands in his pockets and waited for his takeout. He still looked every bit as ruggedly handsome as he did the day he had walked out. Ironically he also still had the same pained expression.

What I wasn't expecting was the amount of anger that consumed me in that moment. I knew I didn't care about him in _that_ way anymore, but I was still pissed at him for the way he left.

 _Nine years. Nine fucking years I don't come to this place. Nine fucking years I don't see him and on the one night I come here, he's here_.

I looked at my Mom as the waitress set down our check.

"Are you ready?" I was suddenly determined to give him my best bitch brow. I didn't want to dignify him with questions or even so much as a nicety, but I was sure as hell going to show him that I was grown up and over him.

We stepped out of the booth and made our way to the register to pay. His back was turned as he was looking at pictures on the wall, and I smiled at the cashier as she took our receipt.

"Bella no…"

"I got it this time, Mom. You always pay." I said loudly and I saw him tense out of the corner of my eye.

He slowly turned and I made a point not to make eye contact with him. I paid the cashier and gave her a tight smile as my Mom looked at me strangely. She obviously didn't see him or possibly didn't remember him if she did.

I quickly turned on my heel and shuffled Renee out of the restaurant and walked down the block to her car. I gave her a hug and promised to call and then waved as she drove off.

As I turned to catch a cab I could feel eyes on me. I knew it was him, but if he wanted to talk to me, he could walk his ass over and do it.

Just as I saw a cab pulling down the street, I felt someone next to me.

"Bella?" He said with low voice, and I finally turned to meet his gaze.

The sight before me struck me with more emotion than I cared to admit. He looked much older than his age, and his hair was even longer than before. Dark tan lines marred his rugged face and his hazel eyes didn't have the glimmer they once had. He was still a handsome man, but he held no attraction for me. Nonetheless, I could see the hurt in his eyes as he looked at me.

 _You deserve it asshole. Not a word in nine years. You deserve it._

"Alec." I replied coolly and immediately put on the bitch brow. It wasn't that I had waited for this moment. I didn't live in the past. But it definitely wasn't as I expected. He looked so…down. And I was very…disconnected from the whole situation. Other than recognizing his expressions, I didn't feel an ounce of regret, or sadness, or hurt for myself.

Just then my phone rang, and I quickly looked in my purse as he eyed me intently.

I realized it was my other phone, and a smile spread across my face. I quickly pulled it out of my purse and hit the button. I knew I probably shouldn't do this here, but the timing was just too damn perfect.

"Hello handsome." He chuckled on the other end of the line, and Alec immediately got a pained expression.

"That's a new one." He said in his low voice and I laughed. "Can I see you tonight?" He continued.

"Of course. I'm actually on my way home." Okay I was really being a bitch now, but so what?

"Great. I'll be there in an hour."

"See you soon." I smiled into the phone and then hit end.

I looked up after I put my phone in my purse, and Alec was still standing there, takeout in his hands and the stinging look on his face.

"Boyfriend?" He asked then.

"That's none of your business. You lost the right to ask me that when you cheated on me and walked out." I raised one eyebrow at him and lifted my chin.

"Bella…" He sighed and scrunched his eyebrows together. I knew that look. It was his puppy dog look, and that shit wasn't going to work on me.

"I'm going home. Good night, Alec." I turned to hail the cab that was just pulling up outside of the restaurant.

"Bella, wait." He looked absolutely panicked and hurt as I climbed into the cab.

"Good-bye, Alec."

I smirked to myself as I closed the door and the cabby drove off, leaving Alec on the sidewalk. I couldn't help but think of the irony in seeing him tonight. I hadn't seen him in nine years. I hadn't dreamt about him in at least two and I barely thought of him. And yet all in the matter of a week I had done all three. I couldn't help but think that maybe it was the universe sending me a sign. Maybe my walls were finally down, and I wouldn't be afraid to let Edward in.

I almost snickered when I thought about the flowers I had received on Monday.

 _Love is dangerous._

True.

But if it meant finding Edward even after my heartache with Alec or my missteps with men like James, then the danger was worth it.

The cabby pulled up in front of my place, and I quickly paid him and jumped out of the car. I reached into my purse for my keys and hustled toward the door. I was on a high from my encounter with Alec and anxious to see Edward as I fumbled with the lock.

I reached for the door to open it when a hand slapped against it and shoved it back abruptly.

Adrenaline instantly raced through me, and I turned to follow my eyes along the hand to the arm then up to the steely eyes.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I clenched my teeth.

His eyes narrowed at me. "I think you know exactly why I am here." He snarled.

My eyes went wide, and before I could scream his hand covered mine and he pulled me down the sidewalk. I was terrified, and my body was trembling. All of my adrenaline and anticipation was instantly replaced by fear.

He threw me against the brick wall out of the purview of the street light, and I was desperately trying to squirm away. But as I stared into his cloudy eyes I could only think of one thing.

 _Shit. Love is more than dangerous._

 **XXXX**


	14. Chapter 14: Angels and Monsters

**Chapter 14: Angels and Monsters**

 ** _Butterflies and Hurricanes by Muse_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

Tuesday.

I was hoping to see Bella on Tuesday.

But of course my job once again got in the way of that.

Just like it always did. Just like it had for the past eleven years. Just like it took me away from my family, my friends, my life…

Just like it made me into a monster.

A cold-blooded, faceless, wordless killer.

I'm no savior. Not an angel. Not a hero. Not an idol.

I'm a killer. A monster. And the worst part about it is, I was born to do just this. I have inherent abilities that make me the perfect…killer, monster, executioner.

This realization weighed heavily on me all day until I had to fulfill the second half of my most recent assignment.

And now, I'm lying in bed next to a woman who is so much better than I will ever be. A woman whose affection and heart I do not deserve.

A woman who, I am convinced, I am completely and totally in love with.

And what did I do tonight to show the love that I have for her?

I snuck into her condo and ravaged her in the middle of the night like the monster that I am.

Did I enjoy it?

That wasn't even a question. It was the most mind-blowing, intimate experience of my life, and I didn't even have sex with her. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I wanted to more than I had ever wanted anything.

But I couldn't. Not after what I did tonight. Not without her knowing just who and _what_ I was.

I rolled over and watched her as barely audible breaths escaped her perfect lips. She was so peaceful, like an angel, with her creamy white skin and full red lips and. I thought about her chestnut hair that cascaded down her back only hours earlier as it tickled my chest as she…

 _Fuck._

I wasn't going to wake her again and ravage her. I had already allowed the monster out once tonight. Even so, I wanted to touch her, to hold her, to taste her, to be inside of her. And by some miracle she wanted me. At least for now…until she knew the truth.

I tightened my arm around her as I thought about my last few days. Her body molded so perfectly to mine as her chest rose and fell with her deep and even breathing. The tops of her naked and divine breasts were peeking out from under the sheet. It took everything I had in me not to rip that sheet off and capture her with my mouth, in my hands, on my tongue as I did only hours ago. She was…otherworldy, just as I had thought the first day I saw her with the sun shining down on her in the Greek and Roman hall. She was _Mijn Schoonheid_ ; _Schoonheid_ in the flesh. Beauty, and grace and elegance wrapped together with a stubborn fire and selflessness unmatched by anyone I had ever met.

In eleven years I hadn't thought about anything but the FBI, anything but avenging Eric's death and taking out the scum of the world in any way possible. Yet with one streak across my dark sky, _Mijn Zon_ shone her light on her world, on the real world that I had missed out on for so long.

All of my feelings and realizations came to a screeching halt tonight, causing me to wander to her fire escape and up to her window. Yet, as I lay watching her sleep so peacefully, I was terrified of what she would think of me when she knew the truth…when she knew just why I hadn't come on Tuesday and what I had done tonight…

 _On Sunday after I left her place, elated, thrilled, and terrified beyond measure by what had happened between us, I hurried to my meeting with the brothers._

 _They were equally as creepy and disturbing as the first time I met them. And I was given an assignment unlike any other I had received in Romania or since I had been back in the States. I was to take out a couple. A girlfriend and boyfriend who were running a competing drug ring up in Queens. They were manufacturers and distributors of meth and they were also linked to three murders of Drac affiliates. According to the brothers, they had encroached on Drac territory and, after several threats, refused to back down. Then they hijacked a Drac shipment and the brothers determined enough was enough._

 _I was to take them out on Tuesday this time. Of course the night I was supposed to see Bella._

 _On Monday I met with Seth at the gym. As part of our cover he began to come to the ratty gym down the street a couple of times a week. I figured it was a good way to get in with Felix as well._

 _Seth met me at the gym and we talked in hushed voices and in Spanish— disguising our true conversation. I learned that Seth was fluent in Spanish, and it was a good way for us to communicate without being heard. He told me that there was another shipment tonight, and he was planning to go view it. I decided that during the day I would do a little research on the Buxton Group._

 _After I left the gym I took a cab to a library in Chelsea. I thought about the fact that I should really look into getting a laptop I could wipe clean if needed. I considered it for the next briefing. Now that I was back in the States, technology was much more accessible, at least the kind I needed. It also wouldn't seem out of place. In Romania it would have been odd to have a top of the line laptop or phone considering the apartment I lived in._

 _I found a corner and pulled up everything I could on the Buxton Group. My research a week ago had given me some insight. But now I wanted to look into each of the members more: specifically Phil Dwyer._

 _Of course the first hits I found on Dwyer were of his baseball career. He was listed over and over with his stats as the Mets shortstop, his awards and his work with the Mets foundation._

 _I began to cross-check him with the Buxton Group. I learned that he was part owner along with four other people. I clicked on a link noting some of the Buxton Group's other projects and found one spearheaded by Dwyer in New Jersey. Apparently it was a similar complex to the one in Brooklyn. Dwyer had used his status as the local legend from Jersey to speed up zoning and administrative red tape._

 _As I clicked through story after story of their various projects I tried to look for a pattern, anything that would indicate either a connection to the Dracs or something else. But nothing was standing out at me. I began to think about how the groups could be connected. Who was the player for Buxton that knew the Dracs? And how did a business group that seemed to focus on things like sports complexes get tangled up with the Dracs anyway?_

 _There had to be another connection. Someone was between the two or there was some reason for it._

 _I went back through each of the links a second time when suddenly something stood out to me._

 _In the background of three of the pictures at new building sites was a symbol._

 _~MI~_

 _Could it be? Masen Industries?_

 _I thought for a moment about the connection._

 _Of course. How else would one build a sports complex without a contractor or a construction company?_

 _I began to fit the pieces together. I was still unsure of who the key players were and on what level they knew each other, but the overall scheme made sense._

 _Buxton funded and of course helped with the public relations of each of the projects. Masen Industries was likely the contractor, and the Van Rijn Corporation shipped in the materials. But why would three seemingly up and up companies, that had a ton to lose, get involved with the Dracs and likely ship cargo through the sites?_

 _My only conclusion was that it was one of two things. Either they were all connected by one person, or someone within each organization had gone rogue and involved each company without them knowing._

 _Possibly Laurent for Van Rijn. Obviously the Buxton Group was involved more heavily considering the men in that group were at the club the other night. But what about Masen? I doubted that Thomas Masen was involved in anything like this. From what I knew of him and what my father had always said of him, he was a good businessman but always took care of his employees and his company. I couldn't see him risking it. My brother was friends with his son Alec, and I had hung out with him a few times. I instantly thought of my random dream from just the other night. But I hadn't seen him since Eric died. He came to the memorial and then seemingly fell of the face of the earth._

 _Of course then so did I._

 _I got up and left armed with both more information and questions than when I had got there. I didn't know the level involvement of each of the parties, or Phil Dwyer for that matter. But I knew we at least had some leads, and I would definitely give the information over to the analysts at the next briefing._

I felt Bella murmur under me just then.

"Edward." She whispered.

Fuck. She was dreaming about me again. It was what drew me into bed with her in the first place. I looked down at her beautiful face in the moonlight and kissed her lightly on the temple and she hummed.

I instantly tightened my hold on her as she sighed and slipped deeper into sleep.

 _On Tuesday I prepared for my next assignment. I went to my stash and fixed my gun with a silencer and put on my holster. That night was different than any other time. This time they were luring the target in and then I was to tail him and take him out on his way home. They didn't want me to kill him and his girlfriend at the same time because of how it might look. Too much like a hit._

 _I wanted to say it would look a lot like a hit anyway if they were both taken out within two days of each other, but I wasn't in a position to question them._

 _I was still trying to come to terms with having to take out a woman._

 _So on Tuesday I went the club and made small talk with Felix until I saw the subject enter the VIP area. Apparently one of the other drug runners lured him in with talks of a business venture, joining forces so to speak. Little did he know he was being lured in so that they could do something much different than join forces. They wanted to annihilate him, pure and simple._

 _I watched him carefully in the VIP, and I noticed something peculiar about him. He seemed much more put together than I had imagined. He wasn't high as a kite or drunk off his ass like so many of the other subjects I had taken out._

 _He was lucid. He sipped his drink and his eyes darted to the corners and to where I was sitting, and I could tell he was on edge. He knew this wasn't a proper visit._

 _But I had to keep reminding myself that he ran a large drug ring in Queens; he had murdered countless men and women either with his hands or the drugs he distributed. I was surprised he didn't have men with him. I had checked that out already, and he seemed to be flying solo._

 _After Felix chatted him up for a bit and the Drac who was supposed to be leading the "business meeting" left his table, he got up to split. At once Nelo grabbed him and put his arm around him and led him to the back entrance. The subject tensed and clenched his jaw but just nodded in agreement to Nelo._

 _Felix nodded in my direction, and I slipped out quietly behind them._

 _Nelo occupied him for a moment longer as I made my way out the back and then stayed in the back alley waiting. He stepped out only moments later. His eyes were darting around, and he instantly made a phone call to one of his men to pick him up. Apparently it had been part of the meeting that they couldn't be let inside._

 _I knew I couldn't kill him here. It would scream that it was the Drac's fault and then we would have a drug war on our hands. I definitely didn't need that shit as I knew I would be caught in the middle of it._

 _Suddenly I had an idea. I knew I had to take out his girlfriend the next night. I could make this look like an accident and make her death look like a suicide._

 _I waited in the shadows as I slowly formulated my plan. A car pulled up then, and I made my move._

 _I stalked up behind him silently and pulled the gun from my holster._

 _"_ _Get in the car and don't say a fucking word."_

 _He tensed beside me and nodded as he opened the door._

 _I climbed in the back and gave him my best New York accent._

 _"_ _So Bobby old pal, what bar in Queens you taking me to?" I asked as I pulled out my prop cigarettes and lit myself a smoke._

 _The driver looked at him curiously, but I was seated right behind the subject so that he couldn't see me in the rear-view mirror. I had the gun pressed around the seat and right into the subject's side._

 _"_ _Well…Joe…where haven't you been in a while?"_

 _"_ _Ah, surprise me." I said as I blew out a puff of smoke and the driver peeled away. With every move of his head or flex of a muscle I jabbed the subject harder with the gun. We drove across the bridge to Queens, and I knew a bar on 43_ _rd_ _that was a dive. It would be perfect for my plan because it had a dark parking lot in the back._

 _"_ _Why don't we go to Chala's place? You know, the one on 43_ _rd_ _."_

 _"_ _Sounds great, Joe." The subject said with a tight smile and I saw the driver look at me out of the corner of his eye._

 _We pulled into Chala's and I stepped out of the car immediately putting my arm around the subject. The driver came around and I attacked. Within seconds I had him out cold on the ground and the subject at gunpoint once again._

 _"_ _Now, put him in the passenger's seat and you get back behind the wheel." He held his hands up, that all too familiar look of terror in his eyes, and I stared at him through the cold barrel._

 _He's a drug dealer. He's killed people. He's killed kids, he runs gangs, the shit he runs kills and addicts people every day. I chanted it over and over in my head as I justified my next actions._

 _I climbed into the back and told him where to go. He drove toward the bridge where I was going to execute my plan._

 _"_ _Please. Don't do this." He pleaded._

 _"_ _Stop. Don't say another word." I held the gun to his temple and heard the driver groan next to me._

 _I turned then and with one quick motion snapped his neck. I couldn't leave him alive, he had seen me and that was a huge risk. The subject gaped at me and began to cry._

 _"_ _I said fucking stop." I said through clenched teeth and he put his head in his hands. I gritted my teeth and before he could say another word I snapped his neck as well. Then I jumped out of the car. I had on gloves so I hadn't touched anything, but I threw the car in drive and let it slowly careen off the bridge._

 _I knew it would look like it wasn't entirely an accident. But I also hadn't left any traces so it wouldn't necessarily look like a hit. There were no guns, no blood, no execution style torture. The subject wasn't drunk, but he had been drinking and the toxicology reports would surely show that. And once the cops realized who it was, they would likely shrug and be thankful that the scumbag was off the street._

 _My work was done._

 _Until Wednesday._

I rolled over and put my hands behind my head and sighed. I instantly missed the warmth of Bella's body tightly molded next to mine. But thinking about tonight, or it was last night now, only made me feel like more of a monster for showing up the way I did.

I lay back and replayed what brought me to her window over and over in my head.

 _I had gone to the gym this morning with Felix again and worked on my moves. Of course the assignment was fulfilled and the brothers had been impressed. But I still had the second half ahead of me—the half I was loathing._

 _Later that night, I prepared my gun and my holster and donned my black garb instead of my suit. I wasn't going to the club tonight. I changed my M.O. because I had to get the girlfriend alone._

 _I was hoping that she wouldn't be surrounded by people from the organization and that the car hadn't been found. Hopefully the realization that he was missing hadn't set in yet._

 _I made my way to Queens and staked out their home in the shadows. They lived in a brownstone, a relatively nice place for fucking meth runners and killers. I didn't see anyone inside for two hours. Finally, I could see her go upstairs and I slipped in the back window and silently crept through the house. I had an eerie feeling about the whole situation. Something just seemed…off about it. I couldn't pinpoint it. I stepped into a bathroom off the back door and noticed the drugs on the counter instantly._

 _I took the paraphernalia and began walking through the main level. I noticed the obvious unkemptness of the home as I snuck into the living room. I could hear her moving about upstairs. I needed to make this look like a suicide, but the thought of killing her with my bare hands made my stomach roll._

 _I could give her drugs, right? OD. That's a good cover for it._

 _I flexed my hand around the syringe in my palm. Once again I had brought the potent mix of my own from the pack. Mixed with the drugs I had found, it would never be detected._

 _Suddenly I heard feet rumbling down the stairs, and I stepped into the shadows in the hallway._

 _She rounded the corner, and I noticed the drawn look on her face. She had definitely been hitting the candy. Her hair was limp and lifeless and her eyes sunken in her head. But she also looked…pained._

 _She lit a cigarette and paced in front of the window as she dialed on her phone._

 _"_ _Bobby. Seriously where the fuck are you? I'm freaking out here. Call me."_

 _"_ _Fuck!" She muttered as she threw the phone onto the couch and ran her fingers through her greasy hair. She was twitching. After being around a lot of druggies for the last eleven years, I could tell she was in need of a fix. She took off for the back of the house, and I followed her silently. I was careful not to walk in front of the windows, just in case one of their men was now watching._

 _She made her way to the bathroom, the same one I had just been in moments ago, and I could hear her tearing through things frantically._

 _"_ _Looking for this?" I met her gaze in the mirror and she gasped in horror._

 _"_ _What the fuck? Who are you and what are you doing here?" She sneered._

 _"_ _I don't think that matters to you, I think you just want to get high don't you?" I waved the syringe in front of her tantalizingly._

 _"_ _Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here or I will scream and my boys will come get me."_

 _I shook my head. "I don't think you'll scream." I stepped closer and her eyes widened. "You won't have time."_

 _In an instant I was on her and had her in a vice grip. I pulled the syringe from my hand and stuck it in her arm. The poison made her body sag instantly and then I let her slump to the ground. I grabbed the second syringe, the one with her drugs in it and prepped her arm like a junkie. I filled the syringe full and pumped it into her veins as her body twitched. I gave her just enough to make it look like an overdose. I waited until her heart stopped beating and stood up and repositioned her to look like she had fallen._

 _Quickly I made sure that no trace of me could be left in the room. No footprints in a dirty tile, no hand prints and no hair since I wore my cap._

 _I stepped back out of the bathroom and looked into the kitchen on the other side, as I was going to sneak back out the same window. But as I looked around the filthy home my eyes settled on something that made my stomach clench and bile instantly rise in my throat._

 _On the counter were bottles._

 _Not bottles of wine._

 _Not bottles of beer._

 _Baby bottles._

 _And next to them was a monitor and a pacifier._

 _My head began to spin and I had to grip the doorframe with my glove-clad hand._

 _Fuck._

 _No. They couldn't. How could they? I couldn't._

 _Fuck!_

 _My heart was pounding and my mind was racing as the realization of what I had just done hit me like a freight train._

 _I killed a woman, a mother. The co-head of drug ring and a murderer, but still a mother._

 _And I killed her boyfriend last night._

 _Oh my God._

 _I just took both parents away from a child._

 _I slumped against the doorframe and realized I was close to passing out. I had never had a reaction like this before, but I knew I had to get out now. I slipped out the window after pulling my mask over my face and raced down the back alley. I ran and ran until my legs and my lungs couldn't take it anymore, and I found another alley behind a bar off of Vernon Avenue._

 _I stopped in the shadows and leaned over with my hands on my knees and wretched violently behind a dumpster. The contents of my stomach along with every emotion in my body spilled out on the ground at my feet. I leaned my head against the cold brick wall and panted as I shut my eyes._

 _Oh my God, I'm a monster. A ruthless, heartless killer. Am I nothing of what I was before? Does nothing matter to me anymore?_

 _My brain kept replaying the assignment over and over and over in my head. What I knew of the woman, what the Dracs had told me about her, what I had witnessed in her home. She was a killer; she had taken part in three murders. She ran drugs and got kids addicted to meth. But I couldn't get past the sick realization of what I had done._

 _Then I thought of something even more horrifying. The child was probably still there. And who knows how long it would be until someone would find her!_

 _I raced out of the alley and found the nearest pay phone. I quickly dialed 911 and told the operator that I had been walking my dog and that I had heard shouting and then seen someone take off from the home._

 _I couldn't stand the thought of an innocent child suffering from the work of my hands._

 _My God, what have I done?_

 _My chest was heaving and I was perspiring in the midsummer night's heat. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I just wanted to erase the last hour._

 _I could have done something else._

 _But what? Surely if I hadn't followed through on it, they would have known something was up and my mission would have been compromised. They would know that I wouldn't go the distance and I wouldn't get inside to get the weapons that could potentially kill hundreds, thousands—fuck millions of people._

 _Still, the sight of the bottles on the counter kept dancing through my head. Finally I slowed my breathing as I clutched the edge of the phone booth. I made my way out and hailed a cab on Vernon Avenue. Thank God I was on a busy street. After running God knows how far and then getting sick, my legs were weak._

 _But as I told the cab to take me back to Manhattan I could only think of one thing._

 _I needed to see her. There was only one person who could make the pain go away, only one person who was like my own Novocain._

I sighed as I started to see the light peek up just barely through the window. I needed to go. I needed to get out before sunrise. I had snuck into Bella's condo in the middle of the night after the worst assignment of my career and watched her sleep. I sat there for two hours as she slept fitfully. I couldn't tell what she was dreaming about, and I had been getting ready to leave when suddenly she had whispered my name.

I had turned to look at her, thinking she had seen me, but her eyes were shut tight and a small smile played on her face as she said my name again.

And again.

And again.

And I thought I was going to lose my mind. Because there she was, this beautiful, smart, sexy, intriguing woman whispering my name over and over. I had to get in bed with her. I had to feel her soft, warm body beside mine like it was the last thing on earth.

But I didn't intend for what had happened to occur. As amazing as it was, I felt like a monster for coming into her bedroom in the middle of the night.

She sighed and shifted once again, and I quietly slipped out of bed and began to put on my clothes. I reached into my pocket when I felt it. It was Eric's Dutch emblem, the one my father had made for each of us kids when we were born. I left mine at my parent's house, but I carried Eric's with me in my pocket. They were meant for good luck and prosperity, something I knew I needed in my line of work.

But after last night I couldn't think about that anymore. I was so disgusted, so appalled with myself that I ran my thumb over the lion and set it on Bella's dresser. I pulled on my shirt and turned around to grab my jacket when my eyes locked with hers.

Regret instantly flooded my chest for coming to her the way I had last night. I never should have done that; she must think I am some kind of animal. I just stared at her, willing her not to hate me for what I had done.

But before I knew what was happening, she stood up and wrapped the sheet around herself and walked towards me. Her arms clutched me around my middle, and she rested her head against my chest and molded herself to me. She fit so perfectly and I couldn't help but sigh and relax into her touch.

 _Mijn Zon._

Her warmth spread through my body as I tried to convey the words for my apology.

"I'm sorry…about last night." I whispered.

She looked up at me intently, and I could see the depth of emotion in her eyes as she spoke.

"Don't be. I'm not."

I nodded relieved, not knowing what else to say, but ever grateful for her acceptance. I simply wrapped my arms around her tighter until I noticed the sun getting brighter in the room.

"I should go." I murmured and she nodded into my chest.

"I'll call you." I added and then kissed her softly before slipping on my jacket and stepping out of her bedroom.

I made my way down the fire escape and into the dawn. I knew something shifted in me last night and I couldn't quite identify it. All I knew was that being with Bella was the one thing in my world that made sense; even if it made the least amount of sense in every rational way.

Unfortunately the dawn would take me away from her and bring more heartache in the world I lived in, and I could only bear it for another day.

*&^%$#

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five." I kicked the bag in summation and gave it one final punch.

"Fuck!"

"Zeesh. Emil, you punching the shit out of the bag, my friend." Felix chuckled at me.

 _Stupid fucker._

"Felix, you want me to use your head instead?" I jibed back.

"Fuck no, I see the way you hit that bag. You one pissed of _Labagiule."_ He teased. I ignored him and continued punching the shit out of the bag.

Felix kept working on his triceps as I roundhouse kicked the top of the bag and then punched a series of 1-2's to the body. Finally I stopped, panting, and reached for my bottle of water.

"So Emil, are you coming to the club tonight?" Felix asked as he took a break as well.

I shrugged. "Why not. Something going on?" I inquired, trying to sound nonchalant.

"We have some big fish coming in my friend." He raised his eyebrows.

"What kind of fish. The kind that stink or the kind you can sell?" I asked seriously and he laughed a deep-bellied laugh.

"Oh Emil. Always so serious, what is it they say in America…you need to 'get laid', my friend." He used air quotes and I was definitely not going to tell him that I had received the most spectacular head ever last night…err rather about five hours ago.

"I'm selective, what can I say." I shrugged again and he punched me in the arm. But I got serious once more.

"So who are these fish?"

"Buyers."

"For what?" I asked lowly as I looked around. Of course we were the only ones there.

"Ah, weapons my friend." He began punching the bag again and I watched as his bulging biceps tensed and flexed with each pop. I know this was a key conversation and I had to play it cool.

"Weapons? Like guns?" I drank some more water.

Felix laughed throatily. "Ah my good friend, you so good at your business you don't know what's going on elsewhere."

 _Right. I was good at killing…thanks for reminding me._

"What do you mean?" I asked again.

"The only kind that matter now." He said as he raised his eyebrows at me and stopped punching.

 _Bio-weapons. Now we're getting somewhere._

"Ah. That kind. You know I have a friend with some good connections in that." I said nonchalantly.

Felix eyed me speculatively, and I stared right back at him. I knew this was a good shot to bring McCarty in and fuck if I wasn't pumped we could possibly do this already.

He nodded then pursed his lips. "Bring him to the club…next week. We don't want the fish to fight over the food you know." He smiled devilishly and I nodded.

 _Perfect. I could get McCarty in after our next briefing._

Felix and I finished our workout, and I returned to my loft in Hell's Kitchen. I needed some sleep. As much as I loved being at Bella's last night, I didn't get an ounce of sleep after my mission and after feeling terrible about storming her castle…so to speak.

But apparently she was okay with it. And to say that didn't thrill me just a little bit would be an understatement.

 _Jesus she was just…_

How could I ever be so lucky? How did she always know what to say, what to do, how to make me feel? And she was heart-stoppingly and undeniably gorgeous. Perfect.

I was a lucky son-of-a-bitch.

 _Until she found out about the real me._

I sighed as I stepped into my loft. I hopped into the shower and dried off and closed my drapes so that the bedroom was now shrouded in darkness. It was almost 11:00 A.M. but it could have been midnight outside. I thought about Bella as I closed my eyes and tried to will the bad thoughts of last night away.

My body finally succumbed to exhaustion, and I drifted off to sleep.

*&^%$#

I awoke groggy and a bit startled from a dream of Eric and I when we were in college. It was another seemingly pointless dream of us at a bar and Alec was with us. I suspected it had something to do with seeing the Masen Industries symbol on Monday.

I wanted to investigate the connection further, but I really couldn't do much as far as researching. I didn't have a laptop and not to mention I wouldn't be able to get at the "good" information while I was in the field—bank statements, business deals, tax records, and other transactions. The analysts would have to do that. I was just trying to catalogue everything I had seen or heard from the last two weeks, which was a fucking lot for two weeks.

I was amazed at how fast things were moving in New York. Romania had been painstakingly slow in getting inside and finally getting an assignment. Then it took what seemed like forever before I was "transferred" here.

I got up and noticed it was almost 8:00 at night. I had slept for nine hours, which was incredibly unlike me.

I showered and shaved again and decided to throw together some dinner before I went to the club. I didn't have much in my kitchen, and I instantly wished I could be spending the evening at Bella's place, making dinner with her, listening to music and just talking.

It was like an alternate reality. Being there with her was so different from the life I led on my own.

I shook my head and whipped up an omelet with some bacon and toast. I had just woken up, so it felt like morning to me.

Just as I was sitting down to eat, I heard a knock at my door.

I instantly tensed.

 _Who the fuck?_

I scrambled to my bedroom and grabbed my Glock out of the nightstand and pulled on a white t-shirt, my feet were bare, but I didn't have much time to fuck around if someone was going to bust in any second anyhow. I made my way over to the door and looked through the side peep hole that had been installed by the FBI. I never walked up to the peep hole. Someone could be on the other side watching and put two bullets right between my eyes when my iris met the glass.

I sighed as I saw who it was, pacing in the hallway. I quickly slipped the Glock in the back of my pants and unlocked the three deadbolts on the door.

"What the fuck dude?" I growled.

"Sorry. Can I come in?"

Seth looked so distraught. I knew something was up and I nodded and told him to come inside. I motioned toward the kitchen where my now lukewarm dinner was waiting.

"You want something to eat?"

"No man, I can't eat." He shook his head and furrowed his brow.

"What's going on Seth?" I said as I took a bite of my omelet. I was starving now, after having not eaten all day.

"You know I went to see that shipment on Monday right?"

"Yeah? So? See anything else?"

He sighed and pushed his fingers to his temples. "Fuck. Yes, Jacob was there again, along with two other guys from the precinct that I know. And a kid we grew up with who's bad news…" He trailed off and grumbled something under his breath.

"So, that's pretty much what we saw before isn't it?" I shrugged.

He laughed darkly. "I wish. I saw him…Jacob…help transport some of the cargo off of the site." The way he said cargo made my stomach turn and I quit chewing my omelet.

"How many?"

"Seven. Couldn't have been more than fifteen or sixteen any of them." He shook his head. "That fucking asshole." He muttered under his breath.

"I see…Anything else?" I asked trying to glean as much information from him as possible.

Seth told me then that he had seen the same men at the meeting point as were there the first night, Demitri, the Dutch guy and the other Dracs. He also said he saw more containers with the Van Rijn sign. I told him about what I had found researching on Monday and Tuesday and he was planning to keep his eyes and ears open for anything connecting Masen Industries or Reycon to Van Rijn or the Dracs.

Finally, around 10:00 the two of us made our way to _Dawnbreak_. I didn't feel like drinking much tonight. So we slipped into the VIP again and Kristina and Senna joined us as we ordered a bottle of Ketel One along with plenty of cranberry juice and tonic. This became our usual cover. The girls knew we were good guys, or at least they suspected we were. I knew they would keep their mouths shut that we never did anything because they wanted to keep it that way as well. When we came into the club they didn't have to worry about performing their job for the night.

Seth and I sat back as we waited for the "big fish", as Felix had called them, to come to the club. Finally sometime around 1:00 A.M. two guys who looked eerily familiar strode through the club and into the VIP area.

"Fuck." I muttered.

I knew these guys. They were the two youngest Volturi brothers, Aro's sons, and were part of the operation I had helped take down during my first mission. But the Volturi were based out of Philadelphia where I had been at the time.

Luckily when the Bureau took down Aro Volturi, I had gotten out from the underground before they could suspect I was a Fed. So my cover was still in place. The problem was if these fuckers called me by a different name.

 _Then of course, I was posing as a paid assassin. The Dracs didn't really believe my name was Emil Mazzonn did they?_

I pondered it for a moment and determined I was probably okay. As they made their way closer, I immediately recognized one as Marcus and the other as Caius. They were relatively high up in the organization, but there were definitely bigger fish to fry when we took down the Volturis. Even if they were the sons, they had been only in their late twenties at the time. They had escaped, probably to South America or something, and the Feds didn't find it worth the time or money to go after them.

But like all good mold, it grows right back. They were scum, just like the rest of these heathens and of course they were obviously now back in the game and in New York. The Volturis had a long time rivalry with the Dracs over Philly and New York and territory battles over Jersey and up the coast.

Marcus and Caius sat down beside us and nodded for the waitress to bring them two drinks. I let my eyes move to Marcus's and gave him a slight nod. Then I sat back and put my arm around Kristina and she smiled. Seth looked at me strangely and I spelled out V-O-L-T-U-R-I for him in Spanish.

He nodded and acted similarly with Senna as we resumed our cover and watched intently. Nelo and Felix made their way to Marcus and Caius and each went to the back room in shift. I hadn't seen Demitri in a long while and learned that he didn't often come to the club. He preferred to stay on the street and track the would be nemesis' of the organization and oversee the shipments.

Finally Seth made his standard move to take Kristina and Senna to a "back corner" so it at least looked like they were fulfilling their duties. But really, he would just slip them each $100 in cash each time and tell them to keep it for themselves. We had told Tanya to stash it so that if she had the chance she could help the girls get out at some point.

 _Fuck if I wasn't going to enable a jailbreak if I had a chance._

As Seth left I saw Marcus nod over to me and I got up from the velvet couch and ordered Scotch from the waitress. I remembered that Marcus liked JW Red Label and I ordered us two. I sat down next to him and was transported back in time six years as flashes of my first mission, my first kill, came to mind. I was twenty-six at the time and fresh out of training. But they needed new blood on the case and I was perfect for it—young and hungry and ready to unleash my vengeance on the world.

 _And a fucking idiot._

"Marcus." I handed him the Scotch and he nodded. We made small talk for a few minutes, or whatever small talk you could have in the underworld. Finally I asked him who he was working for after I told him I had gone solo.

"You working for the Dracs? They run everything now huh?" I raised my eyebrows and waited for his response.

"Ha. The Dracs don't run things. They like to think they do but they still report to someone much higher up. Just like our father did. They're both just fronts for the real head of the New England organization."

 _Real head?_

 _New England? Spanning the whole Northeast?_

 _What the fuck?_

 _There was someone bigger?_

I contemplated this for a bit and tried to decide if Marcus was talking out of his ass or if he was telling the truth. My mind was spinning as I tried to keep a straight face.

Why would he lie though? His father was in jail and he was now working for the family he used to compete with?

Or so I thought.

 _Fuck. Could there be someone bigger? Someone behind it all pulling the strings?_

I shook my head at the thought. From all indications the Dracs were it. They were the heads of their black world and they were the biggest family since the Volturis to run rings on the East Coast. Marcus had to be lying.

As much as I convinced myself to believe that, I still filed the information away for later.

I sat and sipped my Scotch and tried to pump Marcus for more information but to no avail. Eventually at 3:00, Seth and I made our leave and I collapsed into bed in the early morning hours.

I wasn't sure what to make of Marcus's claims, but I knew that things were definitely starting to come together. We were getting more tips than I had ever expected and we were only a few weeks into the mission. But that could come to a screeching halt as I had unfortunately learned on other missions. Sometimes it was easy to find the big clues, but it took a hell of a lot more digging to get behind the black curtain. It was almost as if they wanted you to find the big stuff, then you could spend your time beating your head against the wall trying to figure out how it all fit together.

I sighed and turned over just before dawn broke and thought about where I had been only twenty-four hours earlier. In Bella's bed, with Bella in my arms, and her silky hair in my face. I wanted nothing more than that right now. Not thoughts of the Volturi, or the Dracs, or a terrifying thought of something bigger.

I just wanted her and thought of her angelic face and her harp-like laugh as I drifted off to sleep.

*&^%$#

Saturday.

July Fourth.

The Fourth of July.

A day I tried not to think about the entire week leading up to it.

A memorial day, a remembrance day for many. A day I had spent the last thirteen years avoiding like the plague.

The Fourth of July was a particularly difficult holiday for me because I had so many fond memories of it…before Eric had died.

I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling watching the fan move in its circular motion, spin after spin.

I was sure my family was probably celebrating this day at their house in the Hamptons. But I couldn't go. Not only was I undercover but I hadn't been there in five years. I went for Christmas the year after my first mission had ended, but the home held too many memories and the pain of visiting it had nearly killed me.

 _It was our place._

Eric and I used to escape to the house while we were in college, even if our family wasn't going to be there for the weekend. It was where we learned to play baseball, snuck our first beers, where we had our guitars and music set up in the basement. It was where he threw a huge graduation party only to get busted by my parents and have Alice and I laugh at him. We played volleyball on the beach, sat by the pool, swam in the ocean, played countless games and spent countless nights by campfires there.

And now, they were all there without me, and probably with the Whitlocks as well as the neighbors from up the beach. They were probably planning a large barbecue and fireworks and a party by the pool.

The Fourth of July. So many memories.

However, this year seemed…different. Last year I was half way across the world working my way into a dark underground contingent. But this year, for the first time since I joined the FBI, I was back in New York. So close, yet so far away from our house.

So close, yet so far away from Mijn Broer.

I rolled over to see that it was almost 2:00 in the afternoon. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my day. I knew Bella was probably in Brooklyn for the day, and I wouldn't be able to see her.

Instead I decided to hit the gym and burn off some of the anxiety from the past week. I worked out for two hours before I returned home to the eerie silence of my cold apartment.

I looked around the room and thought about my family once again. I thought about my sister Alice; she and Jasper were expecting my niece or nephew. I thought about Eliot and what he might be doing today and before I could stop myself I jumped in the shower and changed.

I had a wild hair of an idea and I decided—fuck it.

I was going to the Hamptons. I wouldn't go in the house or mingle because there would surely be too many people there. But I could watch; watch from the shadows as I always did.

I hurried through my shower and put on a hat and glasses and a dark shirt and dark jeans. It was almost 6:00 when I left, and I knew it would be close to nightfall by the time I got there.

I hotwired a car down the block and jumped into the nineties Cadillac and began driving to the one place that I couldn't imagine going to only hours before.

It was as if something was calling me there, or pushing and I felt compelled to go to the house.

Maybe it had to do with Bella or opening up more in the last few weeks, but I suddenly needed to see it. I needed the memories and I needed to witness my family living as they had for so long. I pulled up to a public entrance to the beach a good mile from my parent's home. It was getting dark, and I walked down the beach until I saw the lights that I could identify from miles away.

The large triangular window that jutted out from the family room with a panoramic view of the ocean had light pouring out of it onto the beach. There were round lights dangling around the pool, and I could hear the tinkling of laughter even from a few hundred yards away.

The home was nothing short of spectacular. My mother designed it herself and it was filled with light and openness. The colors were whites and creams and sea greens and blues that picked up on the surroundings.

I crept closer and hid in the shadows of the beach. I could see my parents laughing and drinking their vodka martinis with the neighbors. My Dad had his hand around my mother's waist, and she would look up at him every so often and smile. They were the epitome of love and happiness even after all these years. My heart ached, but in a good way, at the sight of them.

Alice and Jasper were on the other side of the pool chatting with the girls from a few houses down that we grew up with. I noticed friends and neighbors littered about the pool and onto the nearby beach.

It was just like so many of the parties I remembered from growing up. A swarm of memories rushed my brain and all of a sudden I was overcome with emotion as I stood there. I was an outsider looking in on my own family; a foreigner to this wonderful celebration. My chest became tight and heavy and I was gasping for breath.

I turned away from the house and took off down the beach toward the darkness of the Atlantic waters. Finally when my legs were burning from the exertion through the sand, I collapsed at the Oceanside onto my knees.

 _What the fuck was I doing?_

 _Why wasn't I up there?_

 _Why did Eric have to be gone?_

 _Why couldn't I just be with my family again?_

Whether it was the stressful week, the realization of the monster I had become or something else that was pulling from inside me, something had shifted. For the first time in thirteen years I dropped my head into my hands and cried. I cried for my lost brother. I cried for my parents who all but lost two sons, and I cried for a sister I never saw. I cried for my friends and family that I alienated and hadn't given the time of day before I joined the FBI.

I cried for the girls that I saw every day and the unlucky souls who were caught up in the underworld because they had no place else to go.

Mostly I cried because I wanted nothing more than to be normal again. To be back at the house laughing and joking and talking with my friends and family.

And more so, to be doing all of it with Bella at my side, like a normal couple.

I knew I had to tell her soon. I knew it wasn't fair to her to continue this relationship, or whatever it was we had going, in secret.

But what if she was disgusted by me, hated me? How could I let her go? She was the only thing that I had in my life even in the short time I knew her.

I finally breathed a deep swell of salty air and scrubbed my face with my hands. I should have felt distraught, fearful, or nervous after breaking down. But I felt…relieved.

As the fireworks began to light up the night sky I took off for the car and made my way back to Manhattan. As I drove through the dark night, I garnered my resolve for what I knew I had to do.

Tomorrow would be the day when I would tell her, and I didn't want to think about her reaction. I was positive that tomorrow would be the day that any semblance of the self that I used to be, at that house in the Hamptons, would either be gone or brought back to life. Either she would save me, my own personal angel, or I would finally succumb to the monster within me.

*&^%$#

I took a deep breath and dialed the number I had wanted to dial all day.

"Hello handsome." I chuckled at the sound of her angelic voice and my nervousness was instantly at bay.

"That's a new one." I said lowly. "Can I see you tonight?" I asked then. God, I hoped so. It seemed like ages since I saw her last.

"Of course. I'm actually on my way home." I smiled into the phone. It was only 7:00 so I would have the rest of the evening with her.

"Great. I'll be there in an hour." I responded.

"See you soon." And I could almost hear the smile in her voice as she signed off.

I turned off my phone and quickly threw on a black shirt, boots and jeans. I slipped on a hat and sunglasses, even though the sun was going down soon, and stepped out of my apartment.

After my startling breakdown last night I had returned home with the extraordinary need to call Bella. But when she didn't answer the phone, I settled for calling Eliot instead. He talked my ear off about sparklers and playing soccer with two new friends of his.

 _I was glad someone was able to enjoy the holiday._

But I felt better talking to Eliot, having some connection with my brother and with my family, even if the rest of my family didn't know about him.

I hailed a cab and made my standard changes before I arrived at Bella's building. I had spent the day trying to research more information about some of the connections with the Draconi organization only to come up with no leads. I was mostly just filling the time until I could see her. I didn't want to barge in on her Sunday, especially on a holiday weekend. Who knew if someone was at her place? So I waited and it had almost killed me until I finally called her this evening.

At last I reached her block and raced up the fire escape to her apartment. I was early tonight, but I expected that she would beat me home since she said she was already on her way.

I was surprised when she wasn't there and I immediately started to turn on the lights. I walked over to her iPod station and began to search through her playlists for something to listen to when I heard a strange noise.

It sounded like a woman's voice.

Like a shriek or a scream.

I furrowed my brows as I listened, but I didn't hear anything. I went back to looking through her songs when I heard it again.

Suddenly a sense of dread ran over me, and I realized I had been at her place for a good ten minutes and she still hadn't arrived.

I slipped on my hat and my sunglasses again and grabbed my knife out of my ankle holder. It was just a small hand knife but I never left home without it. If I couldn't always have my gun, I at least had my knife on me.

I raced out to the fire escape and listened for the sounds again when I heard shuffling.

I ran down the alley way and stopped.

The sight before me instantly sent me into a murderous rage.

Anger consumed my body, and it took everything I had in me not to pile drive the motherfucker into the side of the car.

James Raven had Bella pressed up against a black Mercedes and his hand over her mouth. She was squirming and trying to get away as he held her with his forearm.

I could see the look of terror in her eyes. The rage was fueling me forward as I stalked up behind him, methodically, diligently with my prey in my sights. I emerged from the alley and into the light and Bella's eyes widened at the sight of me. I put a finger over my lips telling her to be quiet, even though I wanted to let the anger in me roar to life as I ripped him to shreds on the sidewalk.

The fucker was pressing himself against her.

Against _my_ girl.

Into his car.

And fuck if he didn't look like he was going to try to take her or do something equally as awful.

I was seething, my blood boiling with fury as I snuck up behind him and pressed the knife into his side.

"You should really pick on someone your own size." My voice was as cold as ice as I gritted my teeth and in an instant pulled him into a headlock.

"This is none of your fucking business." He had the balls to hiss at me.

"Oh it's definitely my business." He still had his arm against Bella, who was gasping for breath, even though I had mine around his neck.

"Get your fucking hands of her." I growled.

"Make me." He said and then elbowed me in the gut.

As he turned Bella jumped away from the car and ran near the front of the apartment building. In the split second I could see her out of the corner of my eye, she looked like she was trying to get help.

My stomach rolled with his punch, but I couldn't let him turn around or see me. I tightened my hold on him, and I dragged him into the alley as he flailed his arms trying to land a blow.

I threw him up against the wall and smashed his face into the brick.

"Is that what you like? Getting off on hurting women, you sick fuck?" I pulled his head back and slammed it against the wall again and he keened in response.

"I'll fucking kill you for this."

"Try it. You'll lose." I snarled.

Suddenly he had something flashy in his hand, and I realized he must have pulled out a pocket knife.

He slashed back at me violently as I jumped out of the way. Luckily we were in the darkness of the alley now and I slipped away from him. I caught up with a hook to the jaw and another to the gut. He doubled over and I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him up against the wall.

Before I could stop myself, the rage took over. He had touched Bella, tried to force himself on her, tried to…

I couldn't even think, I couldn't rationalize. All I could do was feel the fury coursing through my body as I hit him over and over and over.

He was crumpled on the ground when I suddenly felt small hands pulling me by my waist.

"Stop." She said firmly but quietly.

My chest was heaving with exertion and adrenaline and my jaw was clenched. I incensed as I stood there breathing deep breaths, my nostrils flaring as Bella's small hand held me back.

I spun around and put my hand on her shoulders, and her eyes went wide at the sight of me.

"Are you okay?" She nodded but I heard James groaning on the ground.

I grabbed her hand and rushed her back up the fire escape to her apartment and locked the window behind us. Even though I knew Raven wouldn't be getting up any time soon, I still didn't trust him.

Yet my body was still coiled with anger and rage, and a fierce protectiveness.

That motherfucker had touched her.

He had come _here_.

Again.

He had had his hands on her _again_.

The sight of him pressing her against the car kept flashing behind my eyes, and I couldn't calm down.

I paced in her living room as I tore off my hat and sunglasses and muttered under my breath. I ran my hands through my hair and tugged on it trying to calm down, but I couldn't. I only wanted to do one thing.

I kept thinking it over and over.

"That fucking…I'm going to end him. I'm going to fucking end him."

"Edward. Stop. It's okay."

"I will fucking destroy him if he touches you again." I didn't look at her I just paced back and forth.

"Edward settle down, it's okay. I'm okay. He didn't hurt me." She stepped forward tentatively and ran her hands over my arms and I was seething with anger. The room had a red haze around it and the blood was thundering in my ears. I wanted to go back down there. I wanted to take him out like I had never wanted to take anyone out in my life. Killing had never been a choice, it was just my job and I was good at it. But for the first time, I wanted nothing more than to rip him to pieces.

The monster was taking over as I stared at Bella through the red haze.

"He would have. If I hadn't been there. Fuck!" I slammed my fist against the wall and Bella squeezed my arm.

I bristled, but she held firm.

Regardless of what I did she stood strong next to me.

"Oh shit! Are you okay?" She said suddenly.

I looked down and blood was running down my arm.

 _Fuck he must have cut me after all._

I hadn't even noticed the pain from the large cut on my upper arm.

Bella ran to the kitchen quickly, grabbed a towel and pressed it on my arm. I winced finally, realizing my shirt was covered in blood as she held it to me, scrunching her nose.

I was still breathing heavily and my mind was racing. But her simple touch, holding the towel to my arm was calming me unwillingly.

"You should take your shirt off. I can't see the cut." She cringed then.

I noticed that I hadn't said anything for a few minutes; I had just stared at her while she dabbed the blood from my arm.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked.

"I don't like blood." She shrugged but continued to hold the towel to my arm.

"Here." I grabbed it from her and she stepped back and took a deep breath. I quickly discarded my shirt which was now saturated with blood on the entire left side and pressed the towel back to my wound. I was pretty sure I would need stitches. But I was positive that what I had done to Raven was a hell of a lot worse.

Bella walked back into the kitchen and grabbed some paper towels and some tape out of the cupboard as I stood there. The haze was finally starting to clear from my head but the intensity of my anger at Raven, at the situation and at myself was still fuming within me.

She walked over and tentatively cleaned the wound and then wrapped the gauze around it. Then she taped over it as I stood there still consumed by my anger.

At last she looked up at me and the expression on her face was one I never wanted to see. I didn't know if it was terror or nervousness, but it was not the same soulful look she had given me when I left on Thursday morning. No, this was distant.

In that moment I knew that she knew. She knew now that I was a monster capable of anything. She saw it unleash on Raven and she didn't like it.

And I didn't blame her.

"Edward, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" She asked then and the shock that ran through my body could hardly register with my brain. I didn't know how to respond. I just blinked at her.

She thought _she_ had done something wrong.

I was so flabbergasted that the only response I could make was to bark out a dry laugh.

"What? You think _you_ did something wrong?" I shook my head and she looked taken aback.

"Bella, I was fully prepared to kill James. _You_ didn't do anything wrong…I did."

"Edward, who knows what he would have done to me if…"

"He would have too, I know he would have." I seethed. "Bella, you have no idea…what he's capable of."

"Are you saying he could have…" She trailed off. I didn't want to confirm it, but she had to know how dangerous he is.

"I would have hunted him down if he had." I said through clenched teeth once again.

She gasped and her eyes went wide. She was beginning to understand. She was beginning to see the monster and the world I lived in.

She stood there her eyes dancing across my rigid face, and I could see her thinking through it all. A strange expression came over her face and she finally opened her mouth and then closed it. She did it two more times as I just stood there staring at her beautiful confused expression; waiting for the beginning of the end of the best thing that had ever happened to me.

"Edward, why were you at the club? How did you know to follow me the first night?" She finally blurted out.

I stood and pondered it. Did I tell her? I couldn't tell her…but yet, I had to. My whole being wanted to tell her. Before I could stop myself I was off.

"For my job. I was there for my mission and…" How to explain this to her? "Bella, I am undercover to try to take down some dreadful people and James is involved with them."

She gasped but I continued.

"James is…working for them. Bella he works for a criminal organization. I couldn't let him leave with you and…" I trailed off. _And I was already enraptured by you and I couldn't stand the thought of you alone with him._

My rage boiled just below the surface as I said his name and thought about the _first_ time he assaulted her.

 _Fucking Motherfucker._

She furrowed her brow. "I was afraid of him."

"You should be." I snapped. "And you should be afraid of me too." It was out before I could stop it. I stood there and looked at her, letting the truth seep into the stillness around us.

"Why?" She whispered.

I could tell she was thinking for a moment, and I began to pace in front of her as I ran my hands through my hair. She had to know. I had to tell her. I was going to tell her on Tuesday but then I couldn't. And now…now she had seen me at this point, at the point at which the monster had come out and there was no return. She had to know. She had to know and then I would have to let her go.

I turned and stopped my pacing. I leaned against the wall of her living room and leaned my head back as I closed my eyes. I could feel her move in front of me and the silence was almost deafening.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared into her deep espresso pools.

"I'm a killer, Bella. I've killed people before, and I still kill people. That's what I do."

A dead silence overtook her condo as dread washed through me. This was it. She was going to run screaming from me and this would all be over. The rage was gone in an instant and the intense fear of having to leave her engulfed me.

I would have to leave. She wouldn't want me.

"What do you mean? I mean, I'm sure in your line of work..." She shook her head.

"No. It's more than that." I sighed but then looked directly in her eyes.

"I'm an assassin. A highly trained, highly lethal and dangerous assassin. And I'm…I'm a monster, Bella." I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands. I could feel her approaching further. This was it. She was going to tell me to leave. She was going to tell me she never wanted to see me again.

"I'm not afraid of you." She whispered. My eyes shot open and I could see the truth in her eyes.

"You should be." I rasped. "Do you know why I came on Wednesday?"

She shook her head. "No, but I could see your pain."

"Bella, I did something terrible. I killed someone, a woman, a mother…" I cringed as the pain ripped through me.

She stepped closer and I closed my eyes tighter and tensed. Suddenly I felt her hand on my face, her warm gentle touch. The only touch in the world that I wanted, that I would ever want. Sparks instantly ran down my spine as it always did in her presence, from the mere feeling of her skin connected with mine.

"That doesn't make you a killer. It's your job." She responded shaking her head. "There are a lot of bad people in this world and sometimes…."

"No, I am a horrible person. I have killed more people than you want to know. Don't you understand? I wanted to kill James…I still want to kill James." I was shaking my head.

"Edward. There is nothing you could tell me to make me think you are a killer. You serve your country, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be, but…justice has to be served sometimes and the system doesn't always do it."

 _What?_

I stared at her dumbfounded. She couldn't really believe this, could she?

 _Why wasn't she screaming?_

 _Did she really think this?_

 _How could she really justify what I did?_

"I'm a monster." I shook my head. "You don't even want to know how many…"

Her hands gripped my face on both sides then and the electrical hum intensified between us.

"Shhh. Edward. I don't care. You are not a monster, and I _know_ you would never hurt _me_." She turned my eyes toward her. "And I know this simply because you are so torn up about it. It shows that your job is not really who you are. I've known that all along."

I swallowed hard as I stared at the absolute truth in her eyes and the compassion in her voice, and a dam broke within me. How could this angel care for me so much when I had turned my back on everything and everyone else. I had to let her know how I felt.

"I could never hurt you. You're everything to me. You're the only thing good I have in this world." I said thickly as I covered her hands with my own.

"Edward…" She closed her eyes and then reopened them. The depth behind her beautiful eyes struck me. "You're everything to me too. Don't you know that? I could never think of you as a monster. You're just doing your job. I can't imagine how hard it is but it's not the real you…" She trailed off.

**Then she stroked my face again and murmured. "I know the real you."

We stood there. All I could hear was the clicking of the clock in the dining room. Suddenly I felt a trickle down my arm.

"Oh." Bella quickly grabbed the wash cloth and wiped the blood away. Her touch was reverent, and so, so caring and the electricity that constantly hummed between us grew stronger. No one had ever touched me like that. No one else could ever touch me like that.

"I thought you hated blood?" I asked thickly again. The feel of her fingers on me, taking away my pain, healing me.

"I do. But I can do it…for you." Her voice was quiet but strong.

I lifted my hand up and ran it through her hair and she sighed and closed her eyes. She continued to run the cloth over my arm and my naked chest where the blood had trickled to. A tremble ran through my body at her touch.

Slowly she traced the outline of my bicep and my left pec. Her fingers became stronger, firmer, and I felt my body reacting to her. The rage, the dread, the fear was at once overtaken by desire—sweet, consuming, overwhelming desire. It was desire for this woman who always knew how to touch me, who always knew what to say, who tore down my walls like I had nothing in place at all.

I leaned against the wall and felt her touch as she moved it over my arm, my chest, my side in a rhythmic motion. Blood was now racing through my body and I closed my eyes just reveling in the feeling of her hands on me.

When I opened them again, her eyes were shut tight and her lips were slightly parted as she traced me, memorized me with her fingers.

Suddenly she reopened them and they were no longer filled with fear or nervousness as I had feared. They were no longer compassionate or confused, they were yearning and hooded and matched the feelings that were in mine.

We stood there, locked in each other's gaze until she brought her lips to mine, tentatively at first, and then more forcefully.

I craved her. I fucking needed to feel her against me. I needed to feel her body in my arms and smell her berry and vanilla scent and everything else Bella through my senses. I wrapped my arms around her and crushed her to my chest and an explosion erupted in my body. I pulled her tighter and she moaned and clutched the hair at the nape of my neck. There wasn't an inch between us. Every part of her was flush against my naked chest. I ran my tongue over her lower lip and she opened her mouth as our tongues pushed back and forth in a perfect dance, and we both groaned at the connection.

At once we became frenzied and I flipped her around and backed her up against the wall. Her hands fisted my hair almost painfully, but with so much need that I reveled in the feeling. My now rock hard cock pressed into her stomach and she moaned into the kiss. My hands gripped her waist and then I ran them up and down her curves, over her breasts causing her to shudder and press into me again. She pressed her lips to my neck and tipped my head back as she worked her way up from my pulse point to below my ear— licking, sucking, moaning. I ground into her again and she whimpered. I was on fire with my want for her, it was uncontrollable now.

"Edward. Please. I need you." She gasped.

I groaned as she pressed into me. She knew. She knew and yet she still wanted me. How could I deny her? How could I deny myself? I knew I didn't deserve her, but I couldn't take it anymore. I fucking wanted her—needed her like nothing else in my life.

"Mijn Zon. I need you too." I crushed my lips back against hers and she flexed into me. We both shuddered from the contact and began to move with desperation. All of the adrenaline from the night and our desire mixed together and raced through our bodies faster than any electrical current.

Her soft hands gripped my shoulders as I lifted her against the living room wall. Her legs were wrapped around me, pulling me into her warm center. My skin was blazing under her fingertips. Fuck I had never wanted someone so much in my life.

My tongue fought with hers as our bodies pressed and danced together. The friction making spots dance behind my eyes.

"Fuck, Bella. You don't know what you do to me." I rasped as I kissed down her neck, tasting her sweet skin, berries and vanilla and everything Bella.

"God, Edward. It's the same for me." I let her legs down for a moment and lifted her shirt over her head and then ran my hands back down her arms, to her shoulders and the tops of her amazing breasts. I wanted to be gentle. I wanted to make love to her, but my need for her was driving me over the edge.

"Bella…" I breathed. I bent to kiss the swells of her breasts and she hitched her leg around me again. I pulled down her bra and took her nipple in my mouth. She tasted and felt perfect. She moaned in pleasure as I flicked and pulled on her nipple with my tongue and teeth.

She ground into me with her hips and I hissed.

"Fuck." With deft fingers she ripped my pants open, my shirt was already discarded from her caring for my cut. I was probably still bleeding, but I couldn't care less at this point.

Soon my pants were in a pile around my ankles, and I stared at her through hooded eyes. I tore her jeans down her legs, and she moved her feet to step out of them. She was standing there in only her bra and underwear with me in my boxer briefs.

I paused momentarily to just take her in. I reached out and traced a hand down her chest firmly, over her mounds and down her stomach, burning her gorgeous body into my mind. She bit her lip and closed her eyes as her head fell against the wall behind her.

Suddenly I was overcome with my want for her. My lips were instantly on her, my hands cupped her ass and I lifted her again and slammed us against the wall. She groaned, and for a moment I was afraid I had hurt her until she bucked her hips against me and bit down on my shoulder.

"Ugh. Bella."

"Please Edward. Take me. Please." She rasped.

"Not here. We should go…"

"No. Here. Take me here. Please." I could feel her warmth against me…see the look of burning hunger in her eyes and feel the perfect flesh of her ass under my fingers.

I reached down with my other hand and ripped off her underwear and she gasped and then crashed her lips to mine. She unleashed one leg and then hooked the other in my underwear as she moved them down my body.

We became frantic. Our hands and lips on one another, the last of our clothes flying across the room and I pressed her back into the wall as she wrapped her legs tightly around me. I released one hand from her and brought it down to slowly stroke her.

 _Fuck she was wet. Jesus Christ!_

"Edward, please!"

All coherent thoughts left my mind at that moment as she gripped my length and I shivered. I lined up with her center and stared into her eyes and she bit her lip.

Finally, I bent down to kiss her and pushed into her at the same time and stopped.

I felt as though everything in the world lined up in that moment. The feeling was indescribable.

"Ugh. Fuck, Bella." She moaned and I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Fuck she was warm and tight and so fucking perfect. Her gorgeous body was wrapped around me completely. I had never felt anything like this; it didn't seem possible.

I slowly began to thrust into her and she met me thrust for thrust.

"Oh God." She moaned and her head fell back against the wall. Her chestnut hair was splayed against it, her lips full and swollen. She was a goddess and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Blood was racing through my veins and the sensations coursing through my body were like none I had ever experienced.

I braced one hand on the wall behind her as I gripped her with my other one as we moved together. She tightened her arms around my neck and then opened her eyes and they locked with mine. Her deep espresso seared into my burning green, and I never wanted to be anywhere else but right here.

I crashed my lips to hers in a fiery kiss and, without willing my body to, thrust harder into her. Fuck, the feeling of her around me, wanting me, needing me, pulling me in. It was like fucking gravity. Like the Earth to the Sun.

"Edward." She was chanting my name over and over as her hips met mine faster and faster. I pressed my forehead to hers as her name left my lips in equal measure. The sound of our breathing and her body sliding against the wall was the only sound in the room.

"Oh, Edward, please, faster, please."

"Bella, Bella, Bella." I shut my eyes and sped up. We were frantic, our pelvises crashing against one another as she moaned louder. I could feel her tightening around me, and I was straining to hold on. Fuck, it was like she was made for me. I had never felt anything like this; I could never feel like this again.

I let my hand down from the wall and pressed it down along her neck as my lips followed. I ran it over her perfect breasts and made my way to her center. We were both sweaty and panting and sprinting toward our release and yet fighting it off at the same time. We both wanted it so much, but we also didn't want it to end.

This was fucking heaven. This was everything I had dreamed of since the first time I saw her.

I moved my hand to where we were joined and pressed it against her nub as I took her nipple in my mouth again.

"Ah. Oh Fuck!" She bucked harder into me and I saw stars behind my eyes.

"Come for me, Bella. I need to feel you. Fuck I need to feel you." I grunted.

"Oh God. Oh God." I continued to circle her and she slammed her head back against the wall again. Her legs were quaking around me and mine were shaking from holding us and driving into her.

At once she exploded around me shouting my name and I came instantly into her over and over. Nothing compared to it. I had never come so hard and so powerfully in my life.

"Fuck! Bella!"

I captured her mouth with mine and kissed her forcefully as I moaned her name into her mouth. Every part of me was shattering into pieces and we crumpled to the floor.

I wrapped my arms around her. We were still joined but I didn't want to leave her. I couldn't leave her. I squeezed her tightly to me as we panted and tried to steady our breathing. She felt so perfect in my arms, wrapped around my body.

It was fucking heaven. Everything washed away from me in that moment. Nothing else mattered but her. Just as I had suspected, now that I had her, I knew I could never leave. I would never want to leave. She was everything to me.

She lifted her head and opened her eyes. The expression I saw on her face took my breath away. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I just stared, transfixed, into her eyes, mesmerized by the depth of the passion, and caring and…. _love_ I saw there. The same as I was sure was reflected in mine. I ran my hand through her silky waves as I just stared at this beautiful woman, this angel who I was wholly undeserving of. She was wrapped around me, and I clutched her to me with my other arm.

And for the second time in two days, I couldn't stop the tears that formed in my eyes as I stared at her…the woman I loved more than my own life.

Even if I hadn't told her yet, I knew she had destroyed me. She destroyed the me that I had built up for the last thirteen years; she took down the walls and left me raw and exposed.

I should have been afraid of it. I should have run from it.

But I welcomed it because I didn't want to be that _me_ anymore. I didn't want to be a killer. I didn't want to be a monster, even if she accepted me for what I was. I wanted the old me back, and I would do everything in my power to get it.

For her. _Mijn Zon_.

 _Mijn Lief._

 **XXXX**


	15. Chapter 15: Breaking Through

**Chapter 15: Breaking Through**

 ** _Break on Through (To the Other Side) by The Doors_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

"So beautiful." She whispered.

"Mmmm."

"Amazing."

I felt a light, tingling touch tracing my jaw, up to my cheekbones and gently pushing the hair off my forehead. I felt warmth all around me, on my chest, across my legs, into my side. My senses were filled with berry and vanilla and everything warm and sweet that only one person could provide.

I must have been dreaming. I was unbelievably comfortable and could now recognize that Bella was wrapped around me. The warmth emanated from her body and seeped into my bones. I was calm and content and yet so alive at the same time.

I had to be dreaming.

Gradually, I opened my eyes to wake up from my dream. It couldn't be real, nothing that perfect could be real.

But suddenly I was met with the deepest, darkest, richest espresso brown eyes staring back at me. Her skin was luminescent in the early morning light and her chestnut waves spread across her shoulders and onto my chest.

 _My_ chest.

My _naked_ chest.

 _Her_ naked body…was wrapped around me.

 _Holy shit._

The memories of last night came flooding back to me as I lay there and just stared into her penetrating eyes. She gave me a small smile and I blinked trying to ensure that this wasn't really a dream. Slowly, my hand found its way from my side and up to her cheek as my other arm sensed its presence around her back. I gently stroked her cheek and she sighed and closed her eyes.

My body melted back into the bed as I realized that I wasn't in fact dreaming. I was here, in Bella's bed, with Bella in my arms. Nothing else in the world felt more right than this moment; nothing except for being completely inside of her and as incredibly close to her as I had been last night.

As I stroked her cheek and she laid her head on my chest and snuggled into my side, I pulled her more tightly to me. Last night after we had come together in her living room in the most fiery, passionate experience of my life I had finally lifted her up and we made our way to the bedroom. We stayed awake for hours. We didn't talk, she didn't ask questions. We just kissed and touched and memorized every inch of each other before I made slow, sweet love to her again, making up for the abrupt way we did it the first time.

I swept my fingers through her hair and grazed them down her back. She hummed contentedly into me. It was Monday and we stayed up late. I was sure she had to be to work soon.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm." She murmured sleepily.

"Do you have to go to work?"

"I called in sick." She mumbled.

When? She must have been awake for a bit before I was. Yet, I was thrilled to find out that she wasn't going anywhere. I didn't have anything on my agenda for the day and I was more than willing to spend it with Bella, even if we couldn't go anywhere.

"Playing hooky." I teased and I felt her chuckle into me. The vibration sent a spark through my body and I shivered a bit from the response.

Suddenly I felt a slightly painful tinge and felt her laugh again. I looked down to see her eyeing me playfully. She had bit the top of my left Pec. I grinned at her mischievously before I flipped her over.

She returned my grin with a devilish smirk.

 _God what this woman does to me._

"You're a bad girl Ms. Swan. Calling in sick to work when you are clearly quite healthy." I said huskily.

Seeing her naked body splayed below me made the initial spark of electricity turn into a full current running through my body.

"What are you going to do about it Mr. Cullen?" She raised her eyebrows at me mockingly.

Before I knew it she pushed back on me and had us flipped over again. She was straddling my thighs and I grinned up at her. Obviously, I hadn't put up much of a fight.

I had never felt so…playful, yet adored and wanted at the same time. The mixture of feelings raced through me as I stared up at the sexy goddess on top of me.

I ran my hands up her sides, over her soft hips and her tiny waist and lightly grazed her now pert nipples. She moaned and dropped her head back and closed her eyes. I had found last night during our exploration of each other that she loved to be touched that way.

She instinctually rocked against me, causing my already hard cock to firm more and stand at attention.

I locked eyes with her as I continued to trace my hands, up and down her body, over her perfect breasts and finally to her center when suddenly I stopped.

Alarm ran through me as I closed my eyes and swallowed.

"Shit. Bella. Last night, I didn't even think about…" I muttered. How could I be so stupid? I was so overcome with my need for her I never thought about protection.

She looked at me quizzically, her expression perplexed until it dawned on her what I was talking about. She placed her hand on my cheek as I looked at her with a sorrowful expression.

"It's okay Edward. I'm covered and I'm clean. I just got tested after…and I um…I never…do that." She bit her lip and looked down. I knew what she meant. She never went bareback, but yet the first time we were together she let herself go completely to me. The thought was thrilling and overwhelming at the same time—that she trusted me so much already. But I still owed her an explanation.

"I don't either. But I'm clean too. I get tested regularly for work and…I haven't been with anyone in a long time anyhow." I shrugged feeling slightly embarrassed.

"See—nothing to worry about." She smiled and took a deep breath. But then her expression turned hungry again and she grazed her fingers over the muscles in my chest and gently down my abs. I tensed from her touch and our conversation was long forgotten. The fire replaced it in one fell swoop.

I pulled her down onto me so that her body was flush with mine. I could feel every inch of her against me as I gazed into her eyes. Our initial fire was replaced with an intense passion, a yearning. I gently pulled her lip into my mouth and relished her taste. Our kiss grew more heated and I ghosted my hands down her sides and over her ass. I gripped her and squeezed her to me. The emotions of the past week and last night were still raw and brimming just under the surface.

I wanted her to feel, in my touch, just how much she meant to me. I wanted her to know just how she brought me to life. I ran my fingers up her back and through her hair and she sighed as she kissed my jaw and down my neck. Our eyes locked again and I brought a hand up to her face and stroked her cheek. She smiled and shivered as she closed her eyes into my touch.

"You're so beautiful _Mijn Lief._ So perfect." I kissed her tenderly and she pressed her fingers into the back of my hair holding me tightly to her as she moaned into the kiss.

She pulled away and held my face in her hands. Her eyes moved across my face as she tried to read me. I was filled with a mixture of emotions: lust, need, sorrow, anger, pain to name a few.

 _Could she see my pain, my need, my desperation?_

I analyzed her and all I could see was her pure heart and compassion in her eyes. My emotions once again shifted like the wind as I thought about last night.

How someone like Raven could ever treat her the way he did made my stomach twist into knots. A low growl gurgled up from my belly and she furrowed her brows. Our mood instantly changed from playful and reverent to one of seriousness. Before we could reconnect once more, I realized there was more I needed to tell her and we didn't talk last night after…

"Edward. Tell me what's wrong…please. Is it about Wednesday?" Her eyes and fingers held me firmly and I couldn't look away from her penetrating gaze. I trusted her completely; yet I pondered what I should tell her. I not only wasn't supposed to tell her, but also I didn't want to burden her with it.

 _But she has to know the kind of danger she is in._

The voice in the back of my mind made me stop.

Obviously Raven wasn't going to leave her alone. And she had been getting these strange flowers at work. My experiences from my week instantly lit another emotion in side of me: fear for her safety.

"Bella you need to know…some things about James that I didn't tell you last night." I swallowed and thought about what to say before I continued.

"His firm…Foster & Wheaton…has ties to organized crime. I have seen him with…" I furrowed my brow and looked away until I looked back at her inquisitive eyes. "I have seen him at the club on more than one occasion. I only go there to investigate but he is there often with some very dangerous people. I just…I'm concerned that he's not going to stop, that he won't leave you alone." I said as I stroked her hair back from her face.

"Edward. I'll be careful I promise."

"But what about last night? I don't even want to think about what he could have done if…" I could feel my blood boiling under the surface again.

She scrunched her eyes and began to bite her lip. "I thought he was just persistent…but after last night." She shook her head. "I've never been in this position before." She looked down and I tipped her face back to me.

"What's wrong _Mijn Zon_?"

She sighed. "I've always prided myself on being a cop's daughter from Brooklyn and I never thought I would be in a position like this. Like some stupid damsel in distress who can't take care of herself."

She was an independent woman, I knew that. But she had to know that she was in danger.

"Are you still getting the flowers too?"

She bit her lip again and nodded. Apprehension and fear instantly shot through my body. Someone was definitely trying to make a statement. But what? I had thought extensively about all of her connections to some of the players in this mess. I knew she wasn't involved; but somehow she had to be connected.

I sat up a bit, her body still flat against mine and our feelings of lust subsiding for the moment. As much as I wanted to lose myself in her again, I knew we needed to have this discussion.

"Bella do you think…I mean…is there anyone who would be out to get you?"

Her eyes widened but she shook her head. "No…but…I have been thinking about it all and I can't figure it out. My only thoughts are maybe James, or Jacob or one of my interns…" She shrugged.

"Jacob?" Shit. Seth's brother-in-law.

"Yeah." She blew out a breath and drew her eyes down.

"Seth has told me about him some. But why would you think it's him?" I was curious if she was aware of the level of affection he apparently had for her.

Before I could say anything else though she launched in. She told me about how Jacob was her brother's best friend but always had a thing for her. She said that she never remotely returned his attention but he still seemed to be interested in her.

Knowing now what I did about Jacob it only made my anxiety heighten. Jacob, James. What next?

"Edward. Is something wrong? You seem tense when I talk about him." She frowned.

I figured she deserved to know. If I wanted her to be cautious then I couldn't leave her without necessary information. So I told her that Seth and I suspected Jacob was somehow involved in something bad, with the people we were investigating. I never told her about the Dracs or the Buxton group or Phil, at least not yet, because I didn't want her to worry. And I didn't want to put her in any more danger than she already was. But I told her enough so that she would at least be careful.

She shook her head and closed her eyes at the news when she finally responded.

"I had a feeling something was going on. I overheard him talking to Leah and apparently he has been gone a lot. She seems to think he's cheating on her, but I wondered if it wasn't something other than that." Then she confirmed what Seth said about Jacob always wanting more.

"I don't know if it's because of me or…" She shook her head.

"Bella, it's not your fault. People make choices that we can't control sometimes. They don't make sense but…it's not in our hands." I stroked her cheek and she sighed.

"I know. Trust me I know. It's part of the reason I was ever able to forgive my Mom enough and have a relationship with her. But I just…" She shrugged. "Brad would be so pissed at him if he knew he was involved in something bad. I feel like I owe it to my brother or something to tell Jacob to get out of it."

"Brad would understand if you didn't get involved."

She quirked an eyebrow at me and gave me a forceful look. I had never felt powerless to someone, but in that moment I knew she was calling me out. She didn't have to say it. Her eyes said it all.

 _Is that why you joined the FBI?_

"Point taken." I whispered and she nodded.

I was once again amazed at how this woman could read me so effortlessly. She was passionate and caring, yet she called me out when I was obviously being hypocritical. The seeping thought of worry still trembled through my brains, even though I knew her strength surpassed mine.

"I just…worry about you. I can't be here like a normal…" I trailed off and her eyes instantly softened.

"Like a normal what?" She murmured with her eyes studying me.

I stared at her and once again the mood shifted. I swallowed thickly.

"Like a normal boyfriend." I whispered. Her face glowed with happiness and a smile crept across my face. "At least…I think of you as my girlfriend…well actually more than that."

She gasped and bit her lip as her eyes danced across my face. "Oh Edward." She gave me a sweet kiss and I could feel myself ease at her touch. All of our worries and fears and the feelings we had for one another made the connection that much more powerful. But she pulled back and put her hands on my face. "I think of you as more than that too. You're my savior, in so many ways. I…I didn't realize just how much I held myself at arm's length…until I met you. And you just…I've never felt like this with anyone." She whispered.

My heart beat rapidly as I thought about what she said. Was it possible she felt as intensely about me as I did her? I couldn't believe it, yet I could feel it—so much in every touch, every kiss, even standing in a room with her.

"Bella. I'm not a savior. If anything you've saved me." I mirrored her position with my hands on her face and kissed her gently.

"You've saved me from James…twice."

"That was nothing. I would do it again in a heartbeat." I shook my head.

"It was more than nothing. You risked your mission. I know that. I'm not stupid. I've been around law enforcement my whole life. I know you can't risk being seen and I know you can't be with me during the day. But that's okay because I…" Her breath caught and our eyes bore into one another.

"I know I can't but…" I took a deep breath and finally my feelings for this amazing woman got the best of me. She called me her savior but it was so wrong. She saved me in every way. She broke through my walls, tore them down, and now she was here to help me stand back up again.

"Please, please tell me you will be careful…I." I drew a deep breath as I thought about what I was going to say. "Bella you mean so much to me, more than you could ever know and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you. I told you last night…but…" I stroked her cheeks as her wide eyes stared at me and she worried her lower lip.

" _Mijn Schoonheid_." I kissed her. " _Mijn Zon_." I kissed her again. " _Mijn Licht_." And again. " _Mijn Lief_." And again.

 _How do I convey this to her?_

My eyes danced with hers as I kissed her one more time and this time left my lips to the side of her mouth, our cheeks bound together. " _Mijn Leven_." I tightened my arms around her and her breath hitched.

I felt her small arms grip me with as much force as I was sure she could muster and she ran her hands up the back of my head pressing us together even more tightly. Then she pulled back slightly to look at me.

"Oh Edward…I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours too remember." She smiled sadly at me. "I promise I'll be careful." Her eyes were pleading with me and finally I exhaled the breath I was holding.

"I just…I need you so fucking much Bella." I crushed her to me, hoping to death I wasn't hurting her because I had to feel her. I had to hold her in my arms, her skin warming mine and her scent and touch breaking through my senses. But she responded with equal force and our bodies were nearly welded together. The depth of the feelings we wanted to express suddenly transformed into the fire now burning in both of us.

I rolled over so that she was no longer sitting astride me and cradled her head behind my hand. The profundity and warmth and pain in her eyes likely matched mine. My mouth captured hers once again as I positioned myself at her entrance. I pushed inside her slowly, shuddering once more from the intensity of the union.

This wasn't like our first time or even the second. The first was raw and wanton and spurred out of our fighting it off for so long and the startling encounters last night. The second was a learning: finding, tasting and committing to my memory every inch and taste of her to know what made her hum and writhe and mewl with pleasure.

No, this was bonding, tying ourselves to one another. We were healing the intense ache we both obviously had and expressing so many things we couldn't say, yet, but were battling inside us just trying to find the right moment, or time or words to come out. It wasn't attraction or lust. It was pure emotional need, need for intimacy, and an expression of just how much we meant to one another.

I moved slowly but deliberately, her body meeting mine in perfect unison. There were no sounds but our whispers and kisses. I savored the feeling of her body under mine, wrapped around me entirely and in the closest way possible.

I continued to hold her head and kiss her lovingly and purposefully. She had to know what she did for me. She had to know how she brought me back. Even if I couldn't say it yet, she had to know how much I loved her and just how much I couldn't survive without her. Not anymore.

Our bodies were slick and heated. I lifted her legs higher, clasping them around my back and I turned my hips continuing my measured pace. She moaned loudly this time and dug her fingernails into my back. Our tongues conveyed the raw sensations inside of us. At last she began to tighten and I turned my hips again, wanting her there, needing her there before me.

I pressed my lips to her pulse point and kissed all the way up her neck until I reached below her ear and she trembled again. Her body was quaking and I could feel her release spiraling through her just as mine was at the same time. From my fingertips to my toes all I could feel was us, together.

Suddenly she tensed and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I whispered in her ear.

" _Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Lief. Mijn Leven_." I'm sure she didn't know what it meant yet, but on some level she already did because she shattered around me at that moment.

"Edward…" She rasped breathily and clutched me tighter to her than I thought possible. At that moment I spilled into her, my body quivering from the power of my release.

"Oh Bella." I held myself over her but still flush with her body. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay here forever. I continued to kiss her languidly, our eyes remained closed and there was no sound, just us.

Eventually I moved out of her and instantly missed the connection. I pulled her tightly to me, still trying to show the enormity of my feelings for her. I stroked her hair and her fingers danced over my chest until we both drifted off to sleep.

*&^%$#

Sometime around eleven that night I finally left Bella's. The day was beyond description. Not only had I told her more about my mission and my suspicions of James and Jacob, but we had finally come together in the most intimate way possible. I could have stayed in her bed, with her in my arms forever. But unfortunately my job and my mission required I leave.

I had a meeting with the brothers again at 2:00 in the morning. They obviously only met in the darkness of the night. Like vampires or phantoms, the darkness hid their decrepit sight from the world.

I was depressed to have to leave my refuge. But as I made my way home to change I thought about our day together.

After we finally emerged from her bedroom around 2:00 in the afternoon Bella had made me a large breakfast, well lunch, of eggs and bacon and hash browns. Our conversation had turned lighter after our intense discussions in the morning and last night.

I was still amazed by the level of comfort I had with her, and how I could at one minute be laughing and the next completely serious in her presence. She was so much more than me. The breadth of her ability to give and to love amazed me. She talked about her upcoming fundraiser event, the one where she would be wearing the incredible dress she was in the first night I truly talked to her. She spoke of her volunteering in Brooklyn and said that they had two weeks off before they started their second summer session. She talked about her friend Angela and how she and another teacher set her up with a man who she was now dating because Angela was a single mother.

I listened and just committed to my mind her laugh, her smile and the sound of her voice. I wanted more than anything to take her for a walk or a run through Central Park. I wanted to go back to Gray's and get hot dogs, or have her give me a private tour of the Met with all of her knowledge.

Her passion for the arts was also impressive to me. She was the first woman I had ever met who truly felt pieces or expressions of artists as I did. I couldn't help but reflect on how much different she was from Claire. Claire was so caught up in the image that anything she knew about art was like a canned description. She knew it because she had to, because she was supposed to. Bella knew about different pieces and artists and exhibits because she loved it. She lived it and breathed it and I was all the more enthralled with her because of it.

Sometime in the evening she made dinner again and I took the chance to take a long, hot shower. I scrubbed down with her Vanilla scented body wash and couldn't help but smile at the thought. I was going to smell like Bella for the rest of the night. I also cleaned and dressed my wound for a second time, knowing I would have to attend to it more later.

I made my way into her bedroom in only my towel and noticed she had folded my shirt and pants and also set a fresh t-shirt on the bed. I noticed it was a men's XL NYU t-shirt and a small part of me became a bit jealous as I thought about where she might have gotten it. But I shrugged. I knew she went to NYU so I couldn't _really_ be jealous about it.

I walked back into the living room to the most mouthwatering smell and two glasses of wine sitting on the breakfast bar. But the sight that caught my eye was Bella sprawled out on a mat. She had on yoga pants that showed every single curve of her beautiful ass and long lean legs. As she bent over I had to suppress a groan as a sliver of her creamy white skin showed through between her pants and her tank top. I stood there with my arms crossed and just watched her as she moved and stretched to the light music she had playing on her iPod.

 _Fuck she's flexible._

I could feel my breath quickening and my body responding. Images instantly fluttered behind my eyes. I could only imagine the things we could do if she could bend like _that_. It was so thrilling and yet terrifying to me how much she tore my focus from my mission. Not to mention the fact that I was able to actually feel and touch and fantasize about a woman again, and not just any woman. Bella, the most perfect, sensual, beautiful woman I had ever met. Thoughts of her with her legs tangled against the window of her condo or over the breakfast bar danced across my mind's eye.

But before my imagination could run away with me I heard a small giggle as she peered up from me. Her ponytail was fanned around her neck and she was bent in some sort of position where her ass was as high as possible in the air.

 _Fuck._

"You look like the cat that ate the canary."

I chuckled and pressed off of the wall and walked over to her and stood behind her. I lightly trailed my hands up her legs and down her back. I felt her tremble as she slowly stood back up.

"What are you doing _Mijn Zon_?" My voice was raspy and hoarse as I gripped her waist and she stood in front of me and turned to look at me over her shoulder with a sly grin. I wrapped my arms around her more tightly and kissed her on the juncture of her shoulder and her neck.

"Yoga. I didn't get in my morning run because someone had me otherwise occupied." She grinned at me.

"I don't know about you but I got in a pretty good workout." I teased.

She laughed and then her eyes darkened. "Well, even so, it looks like I will have to stay in shape to keep up my stamina." She said huskily.

I bent to kiss her and her lips broke as her breath skittered across my face. I moved to deepen the kiss and just as she wrapped her arm around my neck a timer blared from the kitchen.

"Lasagna's done." She said breathily.

I wanted to not care, but the truth was I was starving and obviously in need of refueling after our day together and for my night ahead. I sighed and kissed her on the nose and twisted her ponytail in my hand.

"Tease." I ribbed her and she slapped my chest.

"Well, you're the one that got me all hot bothered, I was just doing yoga." She laughed.

I smiled and we walked into the kitchen hand in hand.

After a delectable late dinner and stealing several more kisses and touches from Bella, I helped her clean up and finally exited via her fire escape.

I hurried into my building and quickly changed out of my clothes. I was disappointed that I had to because they smelled like Bella, but then again so did I.

I stepped into the bathroom and removed the gauze from my cut. I was able to clean it at her apartment today, but I could tell I needed stitches. Luckily as part of our training we knew how to do general stitches for any emergency situations. Even so, I opted for superglue instead. I quickly administered the glue and cringed as it burned into the cut. I decided I could have it looked at when I went in for my briefing on Wednesday.

I shaved and could still smell the vanilla on my skin. I smiled at the thought as I dressed and once again left the apartment.

Even though it was a Monday night the club was bouncing.

 _The City that never sleeps._

 _Or quits its drug addictions._

I shook my head as I entered the back and worked my way upstairs. I really hoped they didn't have an assignment for me. I honestly didn't know if I was up for it tonight.

I entered the back room and saw Felix immediately. He strode over to me and clapped me on the back.

"You have a meeting my friend."

It wasn't a question. He knew about it and I simply nodded.

"Come. I am escorting you back."

"What's this about Felix?" I eyed him warily and he gave me a devious smile.

"You do good work my friend, you are being rewarded I assume. As well, I told them about your offer." He shrugged. Then he took a deep breath before he knocked on the door.

"Emil, my friend, what the fuck you wearing?" He eyed me mockingly.

"What?"

"You smell like a woman." He laughed at me.

I gave him my best smirk and shrug and he laughed harder and smacked me on the back.

"Good work my friend."

I was torn between being thrilled at the idea because it was probably Bella's body wash that he smelled on me and at the same time worried because I didn't want anyone to know about her. I would have to pass it off as a fling, and that thought sickened me just as much as well.

Instead I refocused on the meeting ahead as I stepped into the dark room.

Felix greeted the brothers in Romanian and kissed both of their cheeks. I offered my hand and slipped into Romanian as well.

The brothers commended me on my creative and yet covert way of completing my assignment last week. My stomach rolled but then I breathed a sigh of relief when they said they didn't have anything this week.

Then Felix knocked back a shot of Tuica and turned to the brothers again.

"My friend here has an offer. I think we should hear him out."

"I see…" Vlad eyed me precariously. "And vat vould thissss offer beee…" He rubbed his chin as his slithery voice oozed around us. I had to fight off the shivers that crept up my spine and looked him in the eye.

"I have a friend. A very smart, very quiet friend. He's…an interested buyer."

"Of vat?" Stephan asked then as he crossed his legs in the chair and took a puff off of his cigarette.

"What else?" I shrugged. "Weapons. The big stuff." I let that hang out there for a moment. "He's former military, but disgruntled and now works as an intermediary to some of the wealthiest organizations." I stood with my hands in my pockets. I wanted to be confident and appear at ease with the issue. However, I was fighting off the bile rising in my throat at the thought.

 _The same organizations that killed Mijn Broer._

"I seeee…" Vlad said again. "And how do ve know ve can…trust him." He gestured.

"He's the best. Period. He's dark. You've never heard of him and you never will again. He makes one-time, lucrative deals and moves on. He's untraceable. And he blends in to the world so that no one would ever suspect him. He's the perfect buyer."

I gave my spiel and waited. I didn't shift. I didn't move my eyes from Vladimir's and I didn't flinch. Instead I raised my arms and crossed them over my chest and dared them to challenge me. Minutes, possibly twenty, passed in silence, but I stood firm.

"Bring him in." Stefan finally said.

I nodded and tried to hide my breath of relief. "When?"

"Next week. We von't have any assigmentssss for you for a vile anyhow."

I breathed another sign of relief and nodded once again. With that Felix escorted me out and I stepped into the back. Seth wasn't joining me tonight because I wasn't sure if I was going to get an assignment. Instead I settled into a table next to Felix and Kristina sat next to me. I had become quite fond of the girl, in an older brother protective kind of way. I could never look at any of the Drac girls with any other type of affection.

I noticed Tanya walk in and eye us. I suspected the girls had slipped her the money that we continually gave them. I only hoped she was able to keep it from Gianna.

Just then Demitri walked in and motioned to Felix. He eyed me speculatively but I simply drank my Tuica and pretended to talk to Kristina. I watched the interaction intently, however, and Felix drew a broad smile. Demitri didn't trust me. Nor I him, but that went without saying. I could understand his unease though, I was competition.

Finally I left the club around 4:00 in the morning. Tuesday was spent at the gym with Felix and trying to build up Emmett's status before he went to meet him. The timing couldn't have been more perfect because now I could bring him in after our briefing on Wednesday.

I decided to make a trip to Bella's on Tuesday night. I sent her a text earlier in the day to see if she was free. I knew I was risking a lot by seeing her two, well now three, days in a row. But something in my body made it almost impossible not to see her.

I decided to case her building this time. I knew she was going to be home from work around 8:00. She had worked nearly twelve hours today because she had taken the day off before and she was getting ready for the Met fundraiser. I waited in the alley for her to exit a cab and quickly slip into the building. But before I could make my way back down toward her fire escape I noticed a familiar figure walking down the street. His hand was in a blonde woman's that I recognized but I couldn't see her face.

 _What the fuck is McCarty doing here?_

I waited for a moment to see where he was going. I knew his apartment was on the Upper West Side but it seemed odd that he would be so close to Bella's.

As he got closer though my suspicions were confirmed and I tensed.

 _Fuck he lives in her building? What are the chances?_

I stood observing until he opened the door to usher the blonde woman inside. But just as she turned and smiled at him I was taken aback.

 _Rosalie Whitlock?_

 _How does she know McCarty?_

 _What is she doing with McCarty?_

 _What the hell is going on?_

Suddenly I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't a coincidence that he was placed in Bella's building. Then a comment from our second briefing dawned on me and I mulled over it. I recalled the conversation between McCarty and Garrett Morgan.

" _Fine sir. I moved into the place on Upper West. I've established my cover and am watching the asset closely." Morgan nodded with a peculiar glance._

" _And what do you think of her involvement."_

" _She's not involved sir. She's just exceptionally unobservant if anything."_

I began walking toward Bella's fire escaped when I stopped.

 _Could he be talking about Bella_?

He had to be. So if McCarty was placed to watch Bella then they had to know that she was friends with my family. Obviously McCarty had met Rose through Bella or someone in my family.

The situation all seemed so odd.

 _Why wouldn't they tell me about it?_

I quickly hurried up her fire escape before someone saw me and slipped inside. She was in the kitchen warming up what appeared to be leftover lasagna.

I stepped in and just watched her for a moment. I was caught up in her fluttering about the kitchen, expertly preparing a salad to go with the lasagna when she turned and met my eyes. Her face broke out in a smile and she wiped her hands on a towel and strode over to me.

"Hello handsome." She leaned up and kissed me lightly and I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face regardless of my recent revelations. I wrapped my arms around her and returned the kiss.

"Hello Mijn Schoonheid." She sighed and kissed me again. I put my hand on the small of her back and ushered her back toward the kitchen. We sat and ate in a comfortable silence while I tried to determine how she would know McCarty and how I should ask her about it.

"Bella, do you know Rosalie, Jasper's sister?" I finally said.

She smiled brightly as she took a sip of her wine. "Yes. In fact she's moving back to New York, I am so excited. I love Rose."

 _Well they are obviously close. How did I not know this?_

"Is she seeing someone in your building? I saw her walk in with someone?" I questioned trying to appear nonchalant.

"Checking up on me Agent Cullen?" She smirked.

"I just waited until you got out of the cab. I wanted to make sure Raven wasn't around again." I said intently.

"Ah. I see." She murmured but then focused back on the original question. "And yes, Rosalie is seeing my neighbor John. I introduced them."

"Really? Are they pretty serious?"

"I guess so. He went to the Hamptons with the Whitlocks and your family this weekend apparently." She told me about how she met "John" in the elevator and all the times they had spoken and she asked him to happy hour. She joked about him and Rose's instant attraction to one another and how they immediately hit it off.

Then she began to tell me that she had lunch with Jasper today and he mentioned that Emmett or "John" hung out with them all weekend at the Hamptons. Emmet actually sounded as though he fit perfectly with Rose. He was a no bull-shit kind of guy but with a huge heart. Rosalie was very similar.

I wondered why I didn't see them at the party when I went to my parents on Saturday night but just assumed they were inside the house at the time. Nonetheless I was becoming increasingly suspicious of the fact that McCarty knew Bella, knew Rosalie, and now knew my whole family. I couldn't believe that the FBI would let him take a risk like that.

I was still trying to put together the pieces when Bella eyed me warily. "Edward are you okay?"

 _Fuck. Do I tell her that he is an agent?_

I didn't really want to tell her why he was here until I knew for myself. I needed to talk to Emmet tomorrow and find out what was going on.

"Nothing. Just thinking." I smiled tightly at her and she eyed me carefully but finally shrugged. I asked her how the preparation for the event was coming and we moved away from the conversation for the time being.

We finished our dinner and made our way to the living room where Bella curled up next to me with her glass of wine. I could tell she was tired from her long day at work and I moved her over and slipped off her heels and massaged her feet.

"God. Edward that feels so good, you have no idea." She let her head lay back against the end of the couch and my body instantly responded to her and the way her words trailed on a breathy moan from her mouth.

Thoughts of my mission and McCarty were long forgotten as I slowly worked my fingers over her soles, between her toes and up her legs massaging her calves. She whimpered when I finished and opened her eyes to give me a smoldering look. Before I knew what was happening she was crawling on top of me and her hair was draped around us.

She kissed me, slowly at first, but then with more force as I wrapped my arms around her. I sighed into her mouth tasting the wine and her own unique taste. Her body was warm and soft under my touch and I nibbled on her ear and felt her quiver above me. The sensation sent a parallel wave through my body and I felt myself responding to her touch, her kiss, her warm body over mine.

I leaned her back and traced my lips down her neck from her ear to her collarbone where I swept her hair aside.

"Bella." My voice was low and gravelly and I could feel us both breathing heavily. Our chests were rising and falling rapidly and our faces were flushed.

"Let's go to my room Edward." I nodded and picked her up as she wrapped her arms and legs around me and I walked us to her bedroom.

*&^%$#

I slipped away from her sometime around 5:00 in the morning. I wanted to leave before daylight, although the thought of climbing out of her bed almost killed me. Her soft whispers and breaths called to me as I dressed and grabbed my hat and glasses to leave.

I bent down to kiss her and she smiled into my lips. I gently stroked her cheek and pushed the hair out of her eyes.

"I have to go _Mijn Schoonheid."_ My lips gently grazed hers. "But I'll see you soon."

She nodded sleepily and locked her fingers with my other hand as I brushed my lips to hers once more.

I left from her fire escape and made my way into the early morning hours. I had my briefing today and I needed to get my thoughts in order with the happenings of the last two weeks.

After a quick trip to the gym to run five miles and a shower and change at my apartment, I caught my first connection on the subway to Harlem.

By 9:30 I was walking in the doors of the NY FBI headquarters once again. I was amazed that it had been nearly a month since my first visit here.

I couldn't believe I had been back in the States for over a month and how much my life had changed in that time.

I was hoping McCarty was early as well since our briefing didn't start until 10:00. I wanted to pull him aside if I had the chance. Luckily, as I strode into the conference room he was lounging in a chair eating a rather large donut and sipping his coffee as he looked over a briefing book.

"Emmett." I nodded at him and he looked up.

"E what's up?" Then he eyed me speculatively. "You look…different…like you got laid or something man." He snorted

"Uh." I shrugged.

"What the fuck man you usually have some witty lawyerly come-back?"

I shrugged again and he put down his donut and peered at me because now he could see I wasn't in the mood to joke around.

I blew out a breath. I didn't like lying to another agent and I was adamant that when agents were undercover they should be privy to all the information possible. I knew whatever reason Emmett was placed where he was probably wasn't his choice, but I was curious all the same.

"I need to ask you something Em."

"Shoot. Whatever." He shrugged.

"Why are you placed on the Upper West Side?"

He sighed and looked at me as he dropped his donut. "Fuck. I was hoping to get through the briefing first because I have something to tell you as well." He looked behind me then to make sure no one was coming and continued.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, but I kind of…" He sighed. "Fuck. I know your family Cullen."

"I know."

"What?" His brow furrowed.

"I said I know."

"How?"

"You just tell me what you know and then I will explain. But I will be honest Em, I want to know what the fuck is going on and why you are placed in B…in the building you are in."

His eyes widened at my slip up and he muttered. "Fuck. Maybe Rose was right."

"What?"

"Nothing."

He looked behind me again and then took a deep breath and quickly filled me in. He gave me the same exact version of the events that Bella gave me and told me that he had been seeing Rose on the sly for the last few weeks. He said that he was completely enthralled with Rosalie, almost to the point that it sounded like he was as into her as I was into Bella. I was happy for him knowing everything he had been through, but I had to put it aside for a moment and focus on the issues at hand. He told me that Rose invited him to the Hamptons with her parents and mine. He didn't realize it was _my_ parents until he got to the house and saw the pictures of me and instantly became worried. He had to keep his cover as well and he had to pretend not to know me. Obviously Rose didn't know he was an agent; she merely thought he was an entrepreneur. He was still considering whether or not he should tell her. He also said that Rose had made some interesting comments about me and about Bella.

"Wait, so I understand you know Bella, but why?" I asked getting back to my original point.

He leaned in closer still eyeing the door. "Listen. I don't know why but I was given orders to keep an eye on her. I think it was because she was dating Raven, but from what I understand that is over. She has connections to the Dracs but I don't think she's involved with them in any way. She's too fucking innocent. I didn't know she was friends with your family until this weekend when I realized it was _your_ family."

"She's more than that." I muttered.

"What?" He peered at me again and I scrubbed my hands down my face. I looked back up at him and sighed.

"Oh fuck." He exclaimed.

"What?"

"It's true. So you are seeing her. Rose kept alluding to it but I didn't think you would do that man. You have always been so by the book." He shook his head.

"Em she's not involved. I'm sure of it. But she is connected to a fuck load of people who are and I still haven't figured out why. There's something more to it. But she would never do that. She's too good Emmet. She's the most caring and wonderful person I have ever met. But it worries me as to why she's so connected. I mean Raven, her stepfather, Jacob…" Concern leaked into my voice and Emmet eyed me again.

I quickly explained all the connections and Emmet's eyes widened further. He was convinced that she wasn't involved either but thought it was suspicious nonetheless.

"I just…I worry about her Em. Raven won't fucking leave her alone." I could feel the anger once again bubbling under my skin but before I could explain more he said something.

"You're in love with her." He said lowly and I looked up at him shocked. McCarty was one of the best interrogators in the business for a reason—he could fucking read people.

I simply nodded and Emmett returned it with a somber expression.

"I'll keep an eye on her E."

Before we could continue our discussion the door opened revealing Seth, Tanya and Garrett.

I looked at Emmett and he stared at me and we shared a nod. This wasn't fucking going out of this room. He and I both knew we had a lot on the line…and in this case it wasn't the mission. And I knew that his promise was rock solid. There were few people I trusted more than McCarty.

We dove into our briefing and the four of us spewed out what we had learned over the last two weeks. Seth and I gave Garrett everything we could about the drug ring, the shipments, what we saw in the club and even my assignments. I told them about the ability to bring in McCarty soon and even mentioned my need for a laptop with some sort of self-destructing mechanism or wipe clean system. Garrett planned to get on it and have it before the next briefing. He also agreed that we should have more ability to get in touch with one another and even call in if we had to. He was planning to request us secure cell lines.

McCarty didn't have much to add, but Ivanova was the one to drop the bomb.

Apparently after the first night we saw the Reycon VP, Ivanova said he had been to the club at least five more times. He was not only there for the "merchandise" she peddled but he had also met with the brothers on more than one occasion.

The thought made my head spin. I couldn't imagine someone at my father's company, at Eric's company, involved with the Dracs. But then again, I couldn't imagine that Van Rijn or Masen Industries was involved either. I was starting to think that everything I knew or thought was normal obviously wasn't.

 _Fuck, what next?_

Ivanova also had several leads on where the different girls were being shipped to. She gave Garrett a plethora of names to track and to get the analysts on it right away.

After we finished our recaps of the last few weeks Garrett informed us of what the analysts found from our last session and we began to plan for the weeks ahead. Most of it confirmed our suspicions. James Raven was obviously the attorney of record for a large number of transactions for smaller organizations linked to the Dracs as well as the Buxton Group. Laurent Dufour was linked with not only the Dracs, but he had ties to some of the shady deals with the Volturi a few years ago.

"We also looked into the connection of your brother-in-law Clearwater and I hate to tell you but it doesn't look good." Garrett said.

Seth dropped his head and groaned. "Lay it on me."

"It appears your brother-in-law is in some serious debt. He's about to get foreclosed on his home and he has over forty thousand dollars in credit card debt. I would suspect his involvement is due to that." Garrett frowned.

"I had a feeling it was something like that. He's always lived a bit beyond his means." Seth stood up and ran his hand over his face. "Fuck. And I'm not supposed to know about it so there's nothing I can do."

"I'm sorry Clearwater."

Seth sighed and nodded. We finished our briefing and Emmett and I shared a look as everyone got up to leave the room.

"Hey Clearwater." I called before Seth stepped out.

"What?" Seth looked angry and defeated, probably very similar to how I looked the other night.

"We need to talk for a minute." He stepped back into the room and eyed us warily.

"Okay…" I gestured for him to sit down and he sat slowly. I looked at Emmett and sighed before I started. I told him about Bella, and then what Emmett and I figured out earlier in the morning. I told him what Bella said about Jacob and the flowers. He just shook his head. The poor guy was already down about the whole thing, I knew it was just making it worse. If my sister's husband was being such a jackass I would want to kick his ass as well.

But after we were through he just looked at us with a hard look.

"So what do we do? We can't confront Jacob. We can't out Bella. Fuck this is a shit storm waiting to happen." He grumbled.

"I know. And that's why I wanted to level with both of you. I don't know why they gave McCarty the assignment to Bella without telling us or some of the other strange things with this mission. But I think the three of us need to keep our communications open. Ivanova can't do much because she's too far under with Gianna. But the three of us are coming in apparently together and we need to keep each other up to speed on what we know. Including what we're not supposed to know." I said.

"Cullen's right. Something's fucked up with this mission and I don't like it. I didn't think much about it before. I just took it as an assignment to watch an asset, but now that I know how connected she is to everything I feel like we're missing a big piece of the puzzle. We need to work together to figure it out." McCarty added and I nodded.

We made plans to meet at my shitty gym the next morning. But before I stepped out to go meet with someone about my cut before I left, Emmett grabbed my shoulder and looked at me sternly.

"You just keep your shit together when it comes to her. I've never seen you like this, but you're different. It's good for you, but it could get you killed so be careful." I nodded at him before he changed the subject.

"And now you can come in the front door once in a while like you're pretending to go see me." He winked. "Where you headed after this?"

A small smile played on my face and he just chuckled. "Fuck man, you do have it bad." But then he got serious again. "Just listen to what I said."

"I will Em." I clapped him on the back and turned to go meet with the staff Doctor.

Two hours later I was stitched up and climbing the fire escape to Bella's condo in the darkness of the night. I knew he was right. I knew I needed to be careful. But I knew he was also right when he said I had it bad.

 _He had no idea._

Bella was like my drug. I needed her like a heroin addict needed a hit. Every time I was with her was like a euphoric high that erased all my pain, confusion and disgust with my mission.

I slipped into her already black condo since it was almost midnight and quietly crept inside. It was peaceful and still in the condo as I slowly made my way to her bedroom. She was wrapped in the sheets, her chestnut hair spilling out behind her as she clutched a pillow. It wasn't lost on me that I was in the position of that pillow only hours before.

The gravity that always pulled me towards her made my feet move forward without willing them to. I stripped out of my shirt and my pants and gently nudged her over as I climbed in beside her.

"Edward…" She whispered and I sighed at the sound of my name leaving her lips.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me and she rested her head on my chest. I wasn't sure what the missing pieces were yet or how she was connected to it all. But at the moment it didn't matter. All that mattered was the woman in my arms and the way she had broken through to my heart. A heart that had been cold and unwilling for far too long. I kissed her and held her tighter and quietly drifted off to sleep.

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _Bella Swan_**

"Bella…."

"Mmmm…"

"Bella…God you're so magnificent _Mijn Zon. Mijn Schoonheid_ …"

My heart skipped and my skin tingled as his lips met my neck. I felt him brush my hair aside and I sighed at his gentle touch. He was so much more than a man: hard and powerful, gentle and worshipful, and so incredibly beautiful inside and out.

I was surely dreaming of our nights together. He wasn't able to make it tonight and my bed felt cold and lonely for the first time in three nights when I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

" _Mijn Lief._ God I want to tell you that I…" He whispered and I could feel his breath tickle my scalp.

My eyes shot open as I realized I wasn't dreaming. The warmth of the arms around me and the slow rise and fall of the chest below me were definitely real. I wasn't alarmed but rather incredibly happy that he must have tiptoed in sometime last night.

I lifted my head to look at his piercing jade eyes and smiled. My Apollo.

"Hey…I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." He said as he slowly stroked my hair back from my face.

"No. I mean, don't worry about it." I beamed groggily at him. I crawled up his body to place a soft kiss on his lips and he closed his eyes and sighed. He ran his fingers through my hair and I melted from his touch. Even though we had only known each other a short while, he knew exactly how to touch me, how to make me feel so very…cherished.

"I should get going. But I wanted to see you last night, I hope you don't mind." He said as he opened his eyes and trailed the pad of his thumb over my lips.

"Of course not. You can sneak in whenever you want." I smiled and he returned my smile. His walls were down and he was in his most vulnerable state as I had seen him the last few days. But it was the real him. I had finally broken through to the real him and what met me on the other side was indescribable. Caring, warm, passionate, hungry, protective. He was so much more than the Apollo I was enamored with on the first day I met him.

We lay there for a few more moments just holding each other until he moved underneath me. I instantly missed his warmth but I knew he had to leave before dawn. I sat up and watched as he dressed. I took in the perfect contours of his muscled back, his tattoo and his arms. It reminded me so much of exactly a week ago when he left. Yet so much had changed since then.

Then I remembered the emblem and I got up to grab it for him.

"Hey, I almost forgot…I walked over to my dresser and I could feel his eyes on me. I had on a short black silk nightgown, not something I usually wore, but I put it on last night when I was missing him.

I grabbed the emblem and turned to hand it to him. "Here."

His jade eyes were piercing though and he swallowed hard. I saw his gaze follow the lines of my body taking in the silk of my nightgown and back up across my breasts until he met my eyes again.

Goosebumps shot up my arms and down my back as though it wasn't his eyes that touched me, but his own expert fingers. I shuddered.

 _Jesus Apollo._

Now that I had felt his touch, his lips, his…fuck—all of him. My body craved him even more than it had before and I could feel my pulse quickening and a smoldering in my center as visions of our last few days together flashed behind my eyes.

He finally looked down at the emblem in my hand and furrowed his brow. He reached forward and gently folded my fingers back around it and peered at me.

"You keep it. It's for good luck." He murmured.

"Shouldn't you have it then? You are doing much more dangerous things than me." I responded quietly.

"No. I want you to have it." I nodded, still locked in his burning stare and swallowed. I reached my hand up and swept the hair that fell in his forehead out of his face. He closed his eyes and reopened them and the intensity of his look sent tremors through my body.

 _Mijn Lief._

 _Did he really think that…I knew I was thinking it, feeling it, but was he?_

I recalled his words from just moments ago as he licked his lips and looked like he wanted to say something. But suddenly the air cleared and the moment passed. He bent down to brush his lips over mine and draw me into his chest. I could feel every hard line of his body under his embrace and even though his muscles were firm, his touch was soft and so very gentle.

Eventually he pulled back and gave me one more kiss and stepped away, leaving me spinning in the middle of my bedroom as he so often did.

"Have a good day _Mijn Zon_."

"You too."

With that he was gone, like a ghost, or an angel as I would rather think of him. His presence was so fleeting yet so very profound and now he was gone like a whisper in the wind. Off to do…whatever it is undercover agents do in the daylight hours. Although it wasn't quite daylight yet and I looked at the clock to see it was only 5:15. I could easily stay up and get started on my day. Lord knows I had a ton of work to still do after missing work on Monday.

But I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world.

Not a single, solitary, minute.

It was…amazing, beyond description.

I sat back down on my bed as I fingered the emblem in my hands and thought back on my last few days.

After Edward saved me from James once again and we came back to my condo my blood was racing and I was terrified that he had come after me again.

I should have been terrified by Edward's reaction as well. He wanted me to be, thought I should be.

But I couldn't be.

I was awed by him, enraptured by him. If anything seeing him handle James the way he did made me want him all the more. It was like some carnal, innate desire that arose from within me at seeing my man protect me.

I was never one of those women. I was always independent; I didn't need a man to protect me.

But in those moments the draw to him became almost inexplicable on so many levels I had a hard time focusing. He was my savior for the second time. And he was an agent. I never felt as safe or as cared for as I did when I was with him.

That's why I thought he was angry with _me_ for some reason, for letting James get to me again or not being more careful.

But he was angry at… _himself_?

I couldn't believe it.

And then he told me he was an assassin. A highly trained and lethal weapon of the United States government and so many things clicked into place: the "special skills" Jasper referred to, the depth of his undercover status, dressing in black so often, his frequent self-loathing and the darkness behind his eyes, but most importantly the pain he showed when he came to my bedroom last Wednesday night.

Everything made so much sense and the dying need I had to not only let him devour me was matched by my need to comfort him.

He was no monster. He was the farthest thing from a monster. He was a God, a lonely, driven, sad, compassionate God.

My heart battered at my ribs and my core ached between my legs as I thought about our first time together. Once he realized that I wasn't going anywhere, that I could never think ill of him, we were both so overcome with emotion it erupted from us at the force of a volcano.

I had never felt so wanted, needed, and dare I say loved, as I did in that moment. I didn't care that we weren't in my bedroom. I didn't care that it wasn't slow. I fucking needed him like air and water and I wanted him right there in the living room. It was raw and gritty and filled with the overcoming desire we had danced around for weeks.

I had never felt so incredible in my life.

And at the same time, I knew. I knew I finally broke through and finally got to the deep, dark part of him that needed me just as much.

I rubbed my legs together as I sat on my bed and thought about the day that followed. He later worshipped me in my bed—twice, how his hands were so gentle and yet strong, how his lips would ghost across my breast or suck forcefully on my flesh.

 _Fuck it was unbelievable._

I shook the lust and longing from my head and peered at the clock again. It was now 5:45 and I had been reveling in my last few days with him. I set about to getting ready for the day as I continued to think about our discussions as well.

Apparently we were strangely interconnected through his mission. Jacob, Seth, James and so many other strange things. I knew he was worried about me and I couldn't blame him. I was worried as well and I started to think that the eerie sixth sense feeling I had been having lately possibly wasn't unfounded. The thought made me shiver. I knew I needed to be careful and I was worried after Sunday night. I promised him I would be and the desperation in his voice almost made me come undone.

But I knew why he was so concerned. It was the same feeling I had when I thought about Charlie, or when I used to think about Brad going off to work. But now it was so much more…extreme. I worried about him undercover. Now that he confirmed the extreme danger he was often in it concerned me even more. I had to put it out of my mind. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to function during the day. I didn't know what connected me to so many things or how, but I knew I would be careful for him.

So I went downstairs for my morning run and hit the treadmill instead of going through the park. I hurried through my morning habits and then took a cab to the Met. I missed my morning walk and hoped that soon I would be able to return to my normal routine. But I figured it was better to be safe than sorry, at least for a little while, until I didn't see any sign of James again.

I couldn't imagine he would return after what Edward did to him on Sunday. I couldn't believe that he came to my place again and then thought I would want to continue to see him. The thought was preposterous.

I stepped out of the cab at the Met and walked through the harrowed halls to my office. I sighed as I looked at the flowers I received yet again on Monday. I wasn't here to get them obviously, but they were sitting on my desk when I stepped in bright and early on Tuesday.

They were Gloxinia this time.

 _Gloxinia- Love at First Sight._

What the fuck did that mean? And whose love at first sight? I was getting more irritated than anything at the flowers. I knew Edward was concerned. But the way my interns snickered every time I got them, I was starting to think they were behind it. If not, and it was Jacob, then I was going to give him a piece of my mind the next time I saw him.

I fired up my computer and prepared for another long day at work. The fundraiser was Saturday and I was on my last revisions of everything before it went to the press tonight. Our programs and new descriptions would be ready on Saturday morning and I would likely spend most of the morning going over everything and making sure it was all in place before the event Saturday night.

I wished Edward could attend the event with me. The last person to attend with me was a guy I dated a few years ago. But it was more because he was going anyway and we decided we might as well attend together. I didn't mind going alone. Now that my time with Edward was so limited I found myself wishing he _could_ do those things with me. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would rather have him in any capacity I could than not at all. I knew his being undercover wasn't forever. Yet someplace deep inside of me that I didn't quite want to acknowledge told me _Edward_ was forever.

Edward. I thought about his smile, his laugh, his deep jade pools as he gazed at me. I had to snap myself out of my reverie more than once, which was becoming a common occurrence lately.

Unfortunately Jasper began to notice as well when we went to lunch the last few days. He would catch me gazing off dreamily like some love struck fool and eye me suspiciously.

 _Love._

 _Was I in love with Edward?_

I was positive that I was.

As much as I had broken through his walls he had broken down mine. I hadn't felt something like this…ever. There was nothing to describe the feeling I had when I was in the same room with him, when he touched me or looked at me. He could make my heart race, make me smile and make me feel appreciated all within a span of minutes and all while doing it as though we had known each other for lifetimes.

I thought about the words he murmured to me while we made love on Monday and my entire body quivered at the thought. I looked them up as soon as he left on Monday night.

Not only was it "my beauty, my sun, my light", but he said "my love, my life."

 _Mijn Lief_. My Love. _Mijn Leven_. My Life.

I was…astonished when I found out what they meant. I knew they were heartfelt when he whispered them in my ear and it caused me to splinter around him as he moved within me…

Shit. I looked at my blank computer and realized I was lost in thoughts of Edward again.

I forced myself to focus on my work. I had so much to do in the next few days and I couldn't afford to be daydreaming.

Eventually after another long day I took a cab home and walked into my condo to the most enticing smell.

Did Edward make dinner?

 _No way. He can't cook too? Can he?_

I knew he had some skill in the kitchen after I worked with him at Jasper and Alice's, but the smell permeating the condo was literally mouthwatering.

I walked in to find him standing at the stove stirring something in my large soup Kettle.

"Edward."

He spun around and flashed me a brilliant smile and then took in my surprised look.

"Hi. I hope you don't mind? I thought I would make you dinner tonight seeing as how you have been working so much because of me."

 _I think my heart just melted._

Hot, sexy, intriguing, loves art, speaks other languages, can make my body sing like none other and he can cook.

And he's a freaking ripped, assassin agent.

 _Is he for real?_

"You really are a God aren't you? You can cook too?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"You haven't seen anything yet baby?" He gave me devilish grin and bent down to give me a kiss.

 _Cue throbbing, wanting, needing…Fuck._

I didn't know where this Edward came from but I liked it. He was the playful person I made dinner with the first night at Jasper and Alice's. This side of him so rarely came out and I thought I should take advantage of it.

"Hmmm. Well I guess you're going to have to show me your mad skills."

"I bet you would like to see some of my mad skills." He wiggled his eyebrows and turned around to continue stirring. I slapped him playfully on the ass and quickly darted out of the kitchen.

"I'm going to get you back for that."

"I'm counting on it." I called over my shoulder as I walked to my bedroom with a devious smile on my face. I quickly changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. I should have probably put on some jeans and or something cute, but it had been a long couple of days and I frankly didn't care. If Edward was going to be around for a while he was going to have to get used to this side of me.

 _Plus he didn't seem to mind the yoga pants on Monday._

No, I think he most definitely liked the yoga pants on Monday. I grinned again as I tossed my hair in a ponytail and walked back into the kitchen to pour us some wine. I felt his eyes traveling over me and the familiar tingle shot up my spine and down my limbs.

"What are we having chef?"

"Au Jus."

"How long have you been here?" I looked at him perplexed. The roast usually has to be in the pan for a few hours for au jus.

"A while." He smirked at me and I just shook my head.

"Well I have a great Cabernet in the wine rack we can have with that. But it won't have much time to breathe."

"Um…" He licked his lips as he looked at me and I all but smirked again. "That's okay. We can give it twenty minutes." He said with a low voice.

"Can we now?" I quirked my eyebrow again and he laughed and shook his head.

I reached down to grab the Cab from the wine rack and I heard a moan behind me. Just as I began to uncork it I could feel his body against mine and his warm breath on my neck. I was instantly bubbling with anticipation and excitement. The throbbing in my core intensified as I could feel the hard lines of his body next to mine.

He lightly swept my ponytail aside and I closed my eyes as my body trembled from his touch. He placed a soft kiss below my ear and I bit my lip to stifle my own moan.

"Don't worry _Liefje_ , what I have planned for you is going to take _much_ longer than twenty minutes." He said huskily and my breath hitched.

 _Sweet Mother of God._

This time I did moan out loud and he sniggered under his breath and lightly smacked me on the ass.

I stood there for a moment to compose myself as Edward went back to work. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I was breathing like I just ran a marathon.

Then a thought occurred to me.

 _Liefje_?

 _Lief_ was love so did he just call me some form of love? Again?

I smiled to myself and became almost giddy with excitement. I couldn't believe the depth and the range of feelings I had for this man and I couldn't believe that he seemed to return them. He was beautiful and passionate and so much more than I ever thought I could find.

I poured our wine and did my best to sashay my way into the dining room.

 _Two could play this little game._

Soon after he joined me and we set about to finishing up dinner. Somehow he managed to get a fresh loaf of French bread into my place as well as the roast. I whipped up a salad to have with it as we continued to tease each other in the kitchen. The close proximity of my Manhattan apartment only heightened the playfulness. He would shoot me his deadly smirk as his hand would lightly graze my lower back. I would bend over dramatically as I reached for something—or nothing at all—out of the refrigerator.

At one point I put on my Old School Rock list on the iPod and began to dance along to the music in the kitchen. I would catch his eyes on me and pretend not to notice as I shook my hips and hummed along.

Finally we sat down for dinner and the smoldering look in his eyes was undeniable. It took everything I had in me not to climb across the dining room table and jump him.

I plated my au jus and dipped it as I took a bite, definitely overly big, out of my sandwich and moaned.

The spices and the tastes in the roast were delicious and I could feel Edward's dark stare on me.

"I take it you like it." He said raspily as he took a sip of his wine and his eyes focused on my mouth.

"You have no idea."

"That's quite the big bite you have."

"I have a big mouth."

"Yes I know." He smirked at me cheekily.

I almost choked on my au jus and had to quickly take a drink of my water. I really didn't know where this Edward came from but I was thoroughly enjoying it. Once I was able to catch my breath again I eyed him with pursed lips as he continued smirking at me.

"You always have to get the last word in don't you?" I said mockingly as I took another bite.

He laughed heartily this time and shrugged. "I guess so. Part of my job."

"I suppose." I smiled. We continued our lighthearted banter through dinner and as we cleaned up in the kitchen.

Suddenly as I was drying the last of the plates as an old John Cougar Mellencamp song came over the speakers.

 _"_ _Hurts so good. Come on baby, make it hurt so good. Sometimes love don't feel like it should. You make it…hurt so good."_

As I broke out into the chorus, completely off tune, and danced around the kitchen I noticed Edward stopped all of his movements and leaned back against the counter.

I turned to look at him and drew my eyes down his body. His eyes were dancing with joy and equal desire. His full lips were pressed together as I could tell he was trying not to break into laughter. His strong arms were crossed over his taught black t-shirt, that sexy tattoo peeking out from his bulging bicep. I lowered my eyes down to his firm narrow waist and his strong legs and back up his body. He truly was perfection of man, Apollo in the human form.

I licked my lips as the song changed over the iPod and an old Doors song came on. My heart was once again pounding in my chest and an unyielding craving raced through my body and straight to my core.

***He fluidly pushed off the counter and stalked over to me, like a predator after his prey. The look in his eyes was feral and undeniable. I stepped back only to meet the counter. I gasped as he was only inches in front of me, his strong arms on either side of me.

 _You know the day destroys the night. Night divides the day. Try to run. Try to hide. Break on through to the other side. Break on through to the other side. Break on through to the other side, yeah._

"Bella." He traced his nose along my jaw, to my ear and down to my collarbone. My skin broke out in ripples at the sound of his voice. It was pure sex.

"Yes." I rasped.

 _We chased our pleasures here, dug our treasures there. But can you still recall, the time we cried?_ _Break on through to the other side. Break on through to the other side._

Jim Morrison's raspy voice echoed though the apartment and I could hear our steady breaths over the song. I blinked at him as I swallowed. Blood was thundering in my ears and the heat from his body was penetrating mine.

"Do you know what you do to me?" He continued his trail, never touching me with his hands but encasing me in with his arms and trapping me against the counter. He continued his exploration up my neck and blew lightly in my ear causing me to shiver.

"What do I do to you?" The words could barely leave my vocal chords my senses were so heightened.

"You just…break through…everything _Mijn Lief_."

 _Everybody, loves my baby. Everybody, loves my baby. She get high. She get high. She get high yeah._

"I want to make you high." He said with eyes so dark my entire body shook this time.

I whimpered.

 _Fuck. Me._

He smashed his lips to mine and all of the build-up from the banter and play erupted within us. He grabbed me forcefully and pushed me into the counter, his hand trailing to the back of my neck and bringing my mouth even tighter to his. The granite was pressing into my back, but I couldn't give a flying fuck as his tongue plunged into my mouth and mine fought back with vigor.

He groaned as his fingers kneaded my ass with desperation and I instinctively ground my hips into him.

"Ugh." I broke away as I felt his rock hard cock against my stomach.

Jesus I had never wanted anyone like I wanted him.

All. The. Time.

"Fuck Bella, you really don't know what you do to me." His arms wrapped around me again forcefully as his lips sucked along my neck. Goosebumps shot up my skin and I felt like jell-o in his arms—if it was possible for jell-o to be burning at the same time.

I instantly ran my fingers through his hair and pulled. Hard. He growled and bucked into me and I bit down on his ear.

"Fuck." He groaned again and I smirked, glad to know I had the same effect on him.

In one motion he grasped my ass and lifted me and spun around to the other counter that opened into the breakfast bar and all but threw me down. His lips and hands were all over me now and I had never felt so completely desired in my life. He squeezed and compressed and clutched my breasts, my waist, my hips, all the way down my body as I clawed at his chest. I pulled his shirt over his head to reveal his perfectly muscled body beneath it.

 _Fuck he's beautiful._

My eyes were hooded as I broke our kiss and stared at him. I ran my hands over his chest and sat up closer on the breakfast bar. I bent down to kiss him on his tattoo and lick around the edge and he shuddered and gripped my hips forcefully.

"What does this mean?" I broke away but continued to press my fingers along his Pecs, down his abs and along the waist of his jeans.

He swallowed as he watched me, his hold on my hips painful and pleasurable at the same time.

"It's a Celtic bull. It means strong-willed." He said with dark eyes.

I bent down to kiss it again and he hissed. Then I pressed my hands to his shoulders, willing him to turn around.

I was met by the large tattoo on his back and my mouth went dry. It was much more impressive in the light of the kitchen.

Fuck it was…sensational…and _incredibly_ hot.

"And this…" I rasped as I traced my fingers over the lion and then looked at the crossed swords. I immediately recognized the initials and the dates on the swords. It was Eric's birthday and death date along with _Mijn Broer_ and his initials. I could only assume it meant "my brother" from the little Dutch I had learned.

"The Dutch Lion." His skin was hot to my touch and I pressed my lips to each tip of the sword and a low reverberation rumbled from his chest. It was sexiest sound I had ever heard. Then I steadily ran my hands over his strong shoulders, defined back and down to his waist.

My fingers blazed a trail up to his triceps next and along the words that I could only assume were also in Dutch. "And this…" I bent to kiss it again and his voice caught this time.

He spun around and took my face in his hands. "Left this world, but not forgotten." He rasped.

I brought my hands to his face as well and I could see the depth of the look in his eyes. Fire, determination, love…adoration. The air from my lungs was swept out of me as we mirrored each other's actions.

Once again his lips met mine and the orb of electricity that constantly surrounded us pulsated and nearly exploded like a lightning strike.

"Edward. God, I want you."

"You have me _Liefje_." He kissed me just below my ear and I steadied myself on his shoulders, my fingers digging into his flesh and down his back.

He tipped me back on the breakfast bar and with one pull of his hand removed my yoga pants and panties. He ran his hands firmly up my legs and then clenched my hips and pulled me to the edge. His eyes were deep jade pools, like the water of the North Atlantic. He tugged on my tank and swept it over my head and I was entirely exposed to him on my kitchen counter.

He ran his hands down my extended arms, over my shoulders and roughly flicked my nipples. I dropped my head back and moaned, the wetness and pounding in my center intensifying. He bent down to suck one nipple in his hot mouth and then blew on it. The contrast of the heat from his tongue and the cool air caused it to pucker as he continued to tweak and tease my nipples. My legs instinctually squeezed him between me in an effort to gain friction, but I was open to him and ripe for taking.

His hand trailed down my stomach and to my center where he stroked my lips with his fingers, my obvious desire for him more than apparent.

"Fuck Schoonheid." He muttered into my chest as my fingers found his hair and pulled hard again.

With a firm hand he pressed me back and I gripped onto the edge of the counter. I could hear The Doors in the back ground and the light flickered above me as my eyes shut, overcome by desire.

His mouth made its way down my stomach, his tongue darting out at intervals to taste me. It was hot and coarse and moist against my burning skin. He kneaded my thighs with his fingers and then worked his way with his lips to my inner thighs but not to where I wanted him most.

I was shuddering, sprawled out on my breakfast bar my blood pulsing in anticipation when suddenly his hot tongue was on my center.

"Ugh." I cried out and jerked, but his fingers dug into the muscle of my thighs and held me in place. He pulled me further to the edge, spreading me, opening me to him even more as he continued to taste me.

I was lost in the sensation, the cool granite on my back, his hot tongue on my sensitive core and his strong hands steadily massaging my flesh. I was writhing and squirming beneath him as he plunged his tongue into me over and over.

"Holy…Jesus Christ Edward." I cried out as I pulled and tugged on his hair. The tremor in my stomach began to move through my body. He released one hand and began to press it against my clit in a precise motion catapulting me into my release.

"Oh my God! Edward!" He gently caressed my thighs as he finished me off and I shook from the intensity of my orgasm. I was panting, my chest heaving just trying to catch my breath.

I felt him move back up my body, the ever present tingling traveling with his lips and the thumping only returning to my core.

I sat up then and grabbed his hair again and pulled his mouth to mine. He groaned as he wrapped his arms around me and I clenched my legs around his waist. He pressed his erection into me and I gasped at him.

 _Fuck he was hard. And huge and…unbelievable._

My body was itching with the need to have him inside me once again. Completing me, connecting me to him in the closest way possible. I had never experienced anything like I had when we came together on Sunday and I knew I never would again.

I dropped my hands from his hair and frantically began to undo his jeans. I hooked my toes in the waist band and he helped me as he stopped out of them. It was then I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear and he stood before me just like the statue of a God etched in marble.

I grasped his neck and pulled his mouth back to mine, our tongues once again battling with need, as I snaked my other hand down to his pulsing member and stroked him. He growled into me and his hands were once again all over me, feeling me, burning me with his touch.

"Bella. God, I want you too."

"And _you_ have _me_." I annunciated with a husky voice.

He clutched me to him once again and kissed me powerfully as he pushed inside of me.

I range of expletives rang through my head. White light flashed behind my eyes just from him entering me. He was so hard, and so big, and I wanted him so much I thought I might die from desire.

"Edward…" I whimpered into his mouth as he began to move. My ass was on the edge of the granite and once again the pain only intensified the pleasure. His rhythm was slow and steady, expanding me, hitting me in all the right places.

I used his shoulders for leverage and bit his lip roughly and he thrust into me harder. Our pace quickened as his hand moved to behind my head and he plunged his tongue into my mouth with a force that equaled his thrusts.

I was lost in him, not knowing where we began or ended. It was a frenzy of lips and hands and sweat and moans and pure wanton need thrust for thrust, hip to hip.

We accelerated, him hitting me deeper and deeper and once again causing the unfurling in my abdomen. He pulled me tighter to him so that he was almost holding me in the air, the granite counter a mild weight bearer as he drove into me.

"Ah. Fuck." I cried out and chanted his name. "Edward, Edward, Edward."

"That's it Bella." He groaned then and I could tell he was fighting off his release, trying to bring me there again.

He set me back on the bar and lifted one leg higher, finding and even deeper spot in my core and with one final thrust I shattered around him screaming out his name. Waves of bliss ran roughshod through my body.

"Unnnggh. God Bella!" He cried out and I felt him come inside me over and over.

I gripped his head to me as I kissed him, pulling his lips, his tongue anything I could into my mouth. We were slick with sweat, our breathing laboring and our bodies trembling. We slowly brought each other back down until he collapsed his head on my shoulder and I pulled him closer to me with my legs and leaned my head on his.

We didn't speak, we didn't move. We just stood there holding each other in my kitchen, overcome with the unreal connection we just shared.

"Jesus Christ _Liefje_." He garbled into my shoulder and I couldn't do anything but chuckle.

He pulled his head back up to meet my eyes and ran his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and hummed into his touch. I loved how he could be so caring and gentle and at the same time fuck me like there was no tomorrow. It really was the best of both worlds. Like the two worlds we lived in. But this was our world. And if I didn't know if I was in love with him before this point, I knew I was now.

"I think we need a shower." I smiled at him sleepily, my long days and the events of the night catching up with me.

He kissed me gently and lifted me up and pulled out of me. Nevertheless he didn't put me down. He walked me to the bathroom and set me down in the shower and started the warm water and climbed in behind me.

I sighed at the warmth of the water and watched as it glistened over his perfectly chiseled body. He gave me a coy smile as he scrubbed through his hair and I did mine. We cleaned up in silence for a few moments.

"So…I told you that would be longer than twenty minutes." He said with a devious little smirk.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his back and lay my head against his chest. It felt so right, so perfect there as he grabbed the body wash and scrubbed down my back.

"You definitely have mad skills." I quipped and he laughed heartily.

"I'm glad you think so." He said as he kissed the top of my head.

"Mmmm. I know so." I reached up and gave him a gentle kiss.

I looked up at him and stared into his sparkling jade eyes. I loved him. I was sure of it. I bit my lip as the water poured over us and we held each other's gaze.

But once again the moment passed and he cupped my face under the water and kissed me softly and pulled me into his arms.

His body warmed me as much as the shower and I both heard and felt him turn off the water. Before I knew it I was wrapped in a fluffy towel and he was toweled off with his own wrapped around his waist. His glorious bronze hair was tousled and shiny and ever so sexy from the water. He kissed me again and then strode out to the kitchen.

I walked into the bedroom and pulled out a purple silk nightgown. He came back in with a frown on his face. But he stopped just as I pulled it over my head.

His eyes met mine and he swallowed again.

I stepped over to the dresser and pulled out the boxers he left on Monday and tossed them to him. He looked down and chuckled.

"I washed them." I shrugged and he just shook his head and smiled.

I brushed through my hair and climbed into bed and lifted the sheet for him to join me.

He smiled and crawled in next to me and pulled me into his arms. He was so warm, so safe and so worshipful. My heart constricted at the thought and the feeling of his arms around me.

My eyes became droopy and I melted into his embrace.

"Good night _Liefje_." He lightly nuzzled my neck and placed a kiss on my temple.

"Mmmm. Good night Apollo." He chuckled again and squeezed me tighter and I glided off. But somewhere before the depths of my mind were overcome with sleep and my senses turned over to my dreams, I heard a whisper in my ear; a tender devotion.

 _"_ _I love you."_

 ** _XXXX_**


	16. Chapter 16: Name Games

**Chapter 16: Name Games**

 ** _"_** ** _(I Just) Died in Your Arms" by Cutting Crew_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

 _Pitter, pitter, pitter._

 _Clink, clink, clink._

 _Pitter, pitter, pitter._

 _Clink, clink, clink._

I slowly blinked my eyes and peered at the window. Rain was pattering against the glass and trickling down to the metal frame and the soft sound was matched in rhythm by the one next to me.

Edward was taking deep and soulful breaths as his strong arms surrounded me and held me against his chest. I felt so at peace and whole in his arms, in this bed, in the early hours of the morning.

I looked up to see it was quite early, in fact before 5:00, and the room was still shrouded in darkness. I knew he would have to leave soon, but I couldn't do anything except stare at his perfectly chiseled jaw, his full lips and the wisp of bronze hair that hung in his face. My fingers lightly traced his toned chest and abs as I looked at this stunning man.

 _My Apollo._

I lay my head back on his chest hoping to catch a few more minutes of sleep in his cozy embrace. Just as my lids were fluttering shut I felt him stir below me.

 _Damn. He has to leave now._

A gentle hand slowly traced a path through my hair and down my back in an even measure. I sighed into his arms and he squeezed me tighter.

Then suddenly something came floating back to me from last night. I thought about the words he said as I fell asleep.

" _I love you_."

Did he mean it?

Did he know if I was awake or mean for me to hear it?

Did he really say it or was it a figment of my imagination?

Was it just a product of a dream?

" _Liefje_?" He murmured as he bent down and kissed the top of my head.

"Hmmm." I responded, content in his arms and not wanting him to leave.

"What time are you getting up?"

"Mmmm. Not until 6:00." I snuggled into his chest and placed a kiss right over his heart. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say the words, but I wasn't sure what his intentions were last night, if he meant for me to hear it.

Suddenly he rolled over and turned me on my side so that we were face to face. His jade eyes were boring into mine and I could tell he was contemplating something.

He leisurely lifted his hand and grazed the backs of his fingers down my cheek, to my neck, and ever so gradually down the side of my body. It wasn't sexual or lustful, it was purposeful and adoring. He made me feel treasured, needed…loved with that one simple touch. I closed my eyes as he wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me flush with him even though we remained on our sides. I mimicked his action, my arm around his waist.

His hand continued its slow exploration, up and down my side, to my temple where he would whisk away a bit of hair and only to return down its path.

Suddenly he stopped and the quiet of the apartment around us was only interrupted by the pitter pattering of the rain. This time his hand stroked my hair in perfect tune with the sounds.

 _Pitter, pitter, pitter. Pitter, pitter, pitter._

 _Pitter, pitter, pitter. Pitter, pitter, pitter._

The hand stopped.

And so did his breath.

Until he exhaled.

"I love you Bella." He whispered in a breath.

I blinked open once again and I stared back at his jade pools. My breath hitched and I couldn't stop the water from forming in the corners of my eyes. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I just lay there staring at him.

Finally I moved my hand from his waist, down his extended arm, to his hand that was now clutching behind my head and I covered it with my own. I wove my fingers through his and brought his hand down to my heart and pressed it against my chest. I could feel the racing beat even through his fingers and I knew he must have felt it as well. His eyes widened and he closed them just feeling the rhythm.

At last I found my bearings and I leaned in to give him a soft, simple, but heartfelt kiss. His eyes remained closed as he sighed into it and then I spoke.

"I love you too Edward."

He opened them and the emotion swimming in his jade pools was astounding. We didn't say anything. We didn't move. We just stared into each other's eyes until he raised our joined hands to his heart as he covered my mouth with his again.

With that he took me in his arms and we didn't say another word as he made slow, sweet love to me in the early hours of the morning.

*&^%$#

At 6:00 we finally emerged from bed and he slipped out of my apartment after giving me a passionate kiss and another "I love you" before he left. I returned it and I couldn't believe how right it felt for those words to roll off of my lips. The look in his eyes and the way he made love to me that morning only confirmed it further. I was completely and utterly in love with him and to know he was with me was almost staggering.

I hadn't muttered those three little words to anyone but family since Alec. I was never in love with any of the guys I dated after Alec.

But that didn't matter. Because what I felt for Edward was unmatched by anything I've ever felt before. It was a thousand times what I felt for Alec. The way he touched me this morning, the way he looked into my eyes, it resonated to my very soul.

He said he would be back tonight, but it would probably be late. He said he had to go to the club tonight and I could only assume it was _Dawnbreak_. It gave me the creeps that he had to go to that dark and dirty club. I still didn't know everything his mission entailed. I couldn't decide if I wanted to know more or not. I worried about him when he wasn't with me. It was a feeling I became accustomed to as a child. But now it was so much stronger, I couldn't explain it.

I hurried through my morning routine and made it to work by 8:15. I knew I had a long two days ahead. My dress was pressed and ready and hanging in my closet. But I would likely be at work until at least ten tonight, only to be up early tomorrow morning preparing all the exhibits for the fundraiser. I would check and re-check all of the write ups and help the planners get everything in place. This was a huge event for the Met and it had to go off without a hitch.

"Hey Bella?"

I turned to see Jasper and a few of the guys from his department making their way over. It was pretty standard practice to go out the night before the Fundraiser and after. It was the staff's way to blow off some steam.

"Yeah Jazz."

"We're going to hit up the pub on 86th, you want to join us?"

"I'm good Jazz but thanks."

He looked at me strangely and I just shrugged. He turned to talk to the other guys for a minute as I was preparing some of the hand outs and he walked closer to me.

"Bell is something going on?"

"What do you mean?" I didn't look up from my work.

"I just... you haven't been coming out with us as much and stuff. I wanted to make sure you're okay."

I looked up and plastered on my best smile. "I'm great Jazz. I'm just tired and tomorrow's going to be a long day."

He nodded but still looked at me quizzically. Finally he turned to join them and I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't like lying to my friends. But I wasn't really lying. There wasn't anything wrong with me. In fact, even if I was only seeing Edward behind closed doors, I was happier than I had ever been.

I caught a cab home and practically sprinted from door to door. I was still punchy about walking in and out of my building after James' showed up. I hurried inside and pressed the button for my floor when I heard giggling behind me. I knew that voice.

"Bella!" Rosalie walked in hand in hand with John and I smiled.

"Hey!" I gave them each a quick hug and stepped back.

"What are you two doing?"

"We just got back from dinner." Rosalie gazed up and John and I couldn't help but smile at the cheesy look on her face. She really was a goner.

 _Look who's talking._

I shook my head. "Do you guys want to come up for a drink?" I asked. I knew Edward wouldn't be there until much later so I figured we had a couple of hours.

"That would be great Bell."

John got a strange look on his face but then he finally smiled and nodded.

We chatted and made our way to my apartment. I quickly opened the door and then stopped. The lights were on and music was playing and my heart began racing.

Oh shit, he's early! Oh shit Rose and John can't see him!

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"Um. Hold on a sec, I need to make sure I didn't leave anything lying around." I quickly turned and left them in the hallway. They both looked at me like I lost my mind, especially Rosalie since she knew what a neat freak I was and the chances of me leaving something out were slim.

I left them in the doorway to the apartment and hurried inside. Edward was in the kitchen pouring a Ketel One.

"Edward." I whispered frantically.

"Hey." He spun around and gave me a warm smile, but then his demeanor instantly changed when he saw my face.

"What is it _Liefje_? Did something happen? Was it James?" I quickly shook my head and put my finger over my lips to tell him to be quiet.

"No but what are you doing here so early?" I said frantically.

"I ended up not having to go into the club." He smiled.

I started to say something about John and Rosalie when I was cut off.

"Bella. Really I am sure your house is just fine. I know how you…Oh!" Rosalie walked in and her eyes went wide. John was right behind her.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

They all just looked at each other for a moment until Edward broke the silence. In the mean time I was freaking out that he was here and they saw him.

Then the unthinkable happened.

"Oh you're early." Edward said.

Huh?

"Hey Rose." Edward smiled at her and gave her a quick hug.

 _Wait, what?_

"McCarty." He clasped John's hand and John gave him a small smile.

 _What the fuck is going on?_

 _Why isn't he freaking out?_

 _How does he know John?_

 _And why did he call him McCarty?_

"Edward?" I shook my head at him completely confused by the whole situation and he stepped back over.

He put his arm around me and nodded to Rose and John. "Bella I kind of asked them to come over. I hope you don't mind. But we need to talk."

My head was spinning as I looked at the three of them. Rose didn't seem too fazed by anything and John looked a bit nervous, but Edward was completely calm.

 _What the fuck was going on?_

"Come. Did you close the door?" He asked John and John nodded.

"Let's have a drink and chat." He grabbed my hand.

We walked back into the kitchen as Edward poured two more drinks and I gave him a peculiar look. He just shrugged and nodded for the dining room. We took our respective seats at the table and sipped our drinks.

How is he not freaking out? Isn't his cover blown or something? But before I could launch in with my questions or try to make something up, John began.

"Bella, so I am guessing you are a bit surprised with us being here." I nodded and furrowed my brow.

"Well, that's because we have something to tell you." John started.

 _We?_

"Bella, my name isn't John. It's Emmett McCarty. I'm an FBI agent."

 _What?_

I shook my head perplexed.

"Okay…"

"I'm working with Cullen here…on our mission."

"Really?" I breathed and my eyes went wide. I shook my head trying to grasp this new information.

"How are you…I mean…that's crazy that you live in my building."

Edward nodded and locked eyes with John, err, Emmett. They seemed to share some type of silent conversation.

"Well you see…" He cleared his throat. "There's more than that. It's part of the reason why we wanted to tell you tonight."

"Wait so you planned this?"

"Well we didn't expect to see you in the elevator, but we were planning to stop over tonight?"

"What do you mean? I mean why?" I asked. Emmet and Edward exchanged a glance again and Rose gave me a small smile.

"Bella, I was assigned to this building…to watch you."

The entire feeling of our sit-down changed. What started as strange became infinitely more serious and mind-boggling in a matter of seconds.

"Me?" _What the hell?_ "But why?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out." He said.

"I don't understand." Seriously, what the hell was going on? My neighbor was an agent, that worked with Edward and he was assigned to my building to watch me. Why would anyone want to watch me? I don't lead that interesting of a life? What could the FBI possibly want with me?

What the…

A sickening thought instantly overcame my body.

 _No._

 _It couldn't._

 _He couldn't._

 _No._

 _Not after this morning. Not possible._

 _No._

Suddenly I doubted everything about the last month.

 _Was Edward just spying on me too?_

My mind was reeling and my heart began pounding at the thought that the man I thought I was completely in love with—and told me he loved me—this morning might not be. I began to think about all the things that happened: all the coincidental sightings, him saving me from James—twice, him being at Alice's.

I wanted to throw up and cry and anything else I could. I couldn't think of it. I couldn't speak of it.

That it might all be a rouse?

I started breathing heavily and I could feel the anger and hurt rising under my skin. Before I could say anything Rose jumped in.

"Bell, stop. Look at me." I glanced up at her eyes and could feel my chest rising and falling. She looked at me intently. "It's not what you think. Let them explain."

I was seconds from snapping and asking what the fuck was truly going on when I felt a warm hand over mine. It was Edward's, but I couldn't revel in it in that moment.

Finally I whispered in an annunciating tone. "What is going on?"

I looked at Edward and I could see the trepidation in his eyes. "Edward?"

He swallowed as he stared at me.

" _Liefje_ , I didn't know Emmett was assigned here until recently, either. Please know that it doesn't change anything between us." He said, his gaze piercing me.

"How recently?" I said through gritted teeth and willing my anger and hurt to dissipate.

 _This can't be nothing. I can't be feeling these things for no reason._

Edward squeezed my hand again and the warmth that emanated from him was so apparent, so true. _It's not nothing. It can't be a rouse._ I repeated to myself over and over. I finally started to calm down.

"Wednesday, I wanted to tell you…but I, I mean we, really aren't supposed to…" He let out a breath then. "But we have both been talking and we thought that you should know. That you and Rose both should know so that you aren't in danger. Also, we are trying to figure out why Emmett might have been assigned here and how you know so many people connected with our investigation."

I shook my head. My mind was spinning. We had discussed that several people I knew were connected to his investigation, but I couldn't process it. I thought it was all a coincidence up to this point. I didn't know who to look at first or what to say. I turned to Rose and saw the sympathetic look on her face.

"Did you know about this?"

"I just found out today too."

I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves for whatever was about to come my way. I was definitely not expecting _this_ tonight.

I looked at Edward one more time.

"Bella…" His eyes were pleading with me and I knew in that moment that I had to trust him. I had to hear them out. I turned back to Emmett and sighed.

"Okay. Talk." I said as I gripped Edward's hand and waited for whatever was coming.

Emmett immediately launched in and told me that they were investigating an organized crime ring. He told me how they were working with Seth and how he figured out that I was connected to Edward's family. That they knew James and Demitri and Jacob were involved. I already knew this and knew about the connections with those three, but what did that have to do with Emmett, or me for that matter?

"Believe me, we were just as surprised when we found out about everything. The two of us started putting it together." Emmett said nodding at Edward.

"What do you mean?"

Emmett told me how he figured out that he was at Edward's parents last weekend and the connection with me. He said he wasn't told anything about why he was assigned to my building, just that he was supposed to watch me for anything suspicious. After he saw Raven with me the first night he was suspicious but then said there was nothing else to indicate I was involved, especially once we broke up. He said he even followed me to work a few times to see if I took any detours, but I was the most "unsuspicious" person he had ever followed. But that made him think the entire situation was all the more strange. And the more he and Edward talked about it they thought something was a bit off with their mission. He said Seth knew everything as well, and since he was planning to tell Rose, and Rose knew about Edward, they figured it would be best to get it in the open between the five of us so that we could deal with it all and maybe figure out some of the connections.

Then he turned to look at me and became very serious.

"Bella there's someone else that we know is involved and we think it's time you know about it. Because it could be a major piece of the puzzle. But you can't say anything okay. In fact, nothing we discuss tonight can go out of this room. Cullen and I have already swept your place for bugs."

My eyes popped and I looked at Edward and he nodded.

"I probably should have done it the first time I came, but…" He said and gave me and small smile and squeezed my hand again. "But it's okay. Everything is in order." He said trying to be reassuring.

I couldn't do anything but nod.

 _Agents, bugs, organized crime. What the fuck next?_

I turned to look back at Emmett and remembered that he had something to tell me.

"So what was this other thing?"

He drew a deep breath and looked at Edward and Edward squeezed my hand again as Emmett spoke.

"Your step-father, Phil Dwyer, his business group is involved with this ring in some way too."

"What?" I breathed.

Now my mind was really spinning.

 _Phil? What the hell?_

"Bella, I'm sorry to tell you about it like this."

"No, no. I just. I mean…I'm not close with Phil but it is a surprise…I just…I'm trying to wrap my mind around all of this."

"It's okay. Us too." He gave me an impish grin and I just nodded.

I dropped a shaky hand to my now nearly empty _Ketel_ One and raised it to take a sip. Edward immediately grabbed the glass and refilled it and I smiled at him lightly.

The entire time I constantly thought about who or what I knew? Why me? Sure Jacob was a childhood friend, but I never saw him unless I went to Brooklyn. James and I were over and none of my family…

"Bella. Can you think of anyone else you might know or be connected to that would be involved? Or is there some _thing_ you might know?" Emmett asked.

Then I remembered my dinner with Phil, Renee and James and something struck me.

"Laurent."

"What?" Edward's eyes went wide.

"Laurent Dufor. He used to date Kate, you know my friend Kate. Emmett you didn't meet her at happy hour the night Rose came because she was working, but he used to date her and I hate him for more reasons than I can explain right now."

"Oh fuck." Edward closed his eyes and then jumped up from the table and began pacing. "I can't believe you know Laurent too."

"Well just as Kate's ex-boyfriend but…" I trailed off.

Edward sighed and began pacing. Finally he stopped. "Shit Bella this is so much worse than I thought." He mumbled.

We were silent for a moment until he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

"Ok tell us everything you know about Laurent."

I quickly explained how I found out that he was in business with James and Phil and how pissed I was when I found out. Then I took a deep breath and gave them the edited version of what happened with Kate.

"So does this make me some kind of…target or something." I couldn't believe it, I had done nothing wrong.

"Possibly. Unfortunately that's what were' trying to figure out." Emmett said.

"But I don't understand. Why would I be a target or why would they care about me simply because I helped Kate?"

"Did you ever see anything or know about anyone suspicious?"

I shook my head trying to think back to the years when Kate and Laurent were dating or anything to do with James, Demitri, Phil or Jacob. Nothing came to mind that would make me suspicious. I told them about how Kate suspected Laurent was into something illegal and that was what caused their break-up. But I had never _seen_ anything between any of them to raise my awareness.

"Ok wait, so let me get this straight." Emmett said. "So your best friend dated Laurent. And you had a run-in with Demitri back in college. You dated James Raven. You grew up with Jacob Black. And your step-father is Phil Dwyer. But you don't know anything about what they are all involved in." Emmett said shaking his head and almost laughing in disbelief. "Jesus Bella."

"No. Emmett I swear I…" I bit my lip and ran a shaky hand through my hair. The names of so many people I knew were running through my head at the speed of light. I couldn't put it all together in my mind.

He and Edward exchanged a look again and both seemed to be pondering something.

"Is there anyone, other than you, who could connect all of these people?"

Rose simply sat there as she mulled over everything and I could see her contemplating something. The whole situation was all so surreal. How could I possibly be connected to organized crime? I never did anything illegal in my life! I didn't even have a parking ticket! My father and brother were both cops for crying out loud!

"I…no…I don't…" My lip was now quivering and the alcohol was seeping into my system. My eyes became fuzzy and I shook my head.

"Oh _Liefje_. Don't cry." Edward was suddenly kneeling beside me and grasping both of my hands. He trailed one through my hair and I looked into his jade pools.

"You believe me right? I would never…"

"Yeah, we believe you. I believed you from the first time I asked you, that night at the Apollo." He said.

"I just don't understand." I shook my head.

"We'll figure it out." He placed his hand against my cheek and I took a deep breath and nodded.

I looked up to find Rosalie and Emmett staring at us. Their expressions were indiscernible but they appeared…awed.

"Why don't we call it a night?" Edward offered as he looked at them then and Emmett agreed.

After we escorted them out and Rose gave me a hug and told me she would stop by on Sunday, I walked back into the bedroom with Edward following me and shutting off all the lights. I slipped out of my work clothes and brushed my teeth and my hair. I was trembling and edgy as I tried to get a handle on what just happened.

We didn't say a word to each other as I handed Edward a spare toothbrush that I had. He seemed to realize I was somber and confused about the entire evening. I climbed in bed in only my boy shorts and a tank and he quickly joined me.

It was late, past one A.M. and I had to be up early to be back at the Met. But as tired as I should have been, I couldn't sleep. I just laid there thinking through everything.

How could so many people in my life be connected to his investigation and to an organized crime ring? How could I be connected to it? And how did it all fit together?

I knew Edward wasn't sleeping either and it was eerily quiet in the apartment. I felt heavy; something was nagging at me, like I should know something or remember something that could help them. I thought over and over who or what could connect all of the people involved other than me and I came up with nothing.

"Bella?"

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Is your friend Kate the one in the pictures in the living room? The blonde one?"

"Yeah why?" I tensed.

"Is she seeing an agent?"

I rolled over to look at him and I could tell he was thinking about something.

"Yeah…but um…I don't think they are supposed to be." I said quietly.

He ran his hand down my cheek and I could feel the calm ooze into my body.

"Seems to be the thing to do lately huh?" He joked quietly.

I gave him an impish smile and then burrowed my head into his chest.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't know…"

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"We'll get it figured out _Liefje_."

I snuggled further into him as he held me.

"I really like it…when you call me that…what does it mean?" I asked as my head rose and fell on his chest.

"It means 'Love' in Dutch. But when I say 'my love' it's just _lief_ , so then it's ' _Mijn Lief'_."

"Oh." I was quiet for a moment when he spoke again.

"I really do love you Bella. So much. And this doesn't change anything. I want you to know that." He said quietly as he kissed my temple.

I looked up then at his fearful expression.

"I was afraid that maybe…"

"I know. I was afraid you would think that. But like I said we didn't find out about Emmett until Wednesday. I'm sorry for upsetting you."

"I'm sorry I don't know anything…It's all just so crazy."

"No, Bella, not at all. I know it's a lot to take in. But these things take time. I just wanted you to know so you could be careful." He stroked my cheek and bent to give me a soft kiss.

"I guess…now I realize why you were so worried about James."

He tensed and pulled me tighter to him. "I was worried. And I still am. But I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

I sighed and just let him hold me.

"Don't worry _Liefje_. We don't have to figure it out _tonight_. I just wanted to get everything out in the open so we can go forward with everything in front of us okay."

"Okay." I said as I bit my lip and looked up at him. I knew he meant it. I knew he hadn't lied to me and he was only trying to protect me.

"I love you." I whispered.

I leaned up to kiss him tenderly and he returned it. He softly ran his hands through my locks and then pulled me to his chest once again.

With his comforting words and embrace I was finally able to fall asleep.

*&^%$#

"Miss Swan, can you check the Cleopatra exhibit?"

"Of course Mr. Banner."

"Oh and Miss Swan, the Merrills wanted to speak with you about something as well." He said before he strode off.

I nodded and quickly walked to the Cleopatra exhibit. The fundraiser was going well and it was only the beginning of the night. An auction was planned for later in the evening, as well as the reveal of a few new pieces, one of which was a recently uncovered artifact from a site in Egypt. It was the reason I was walking to check the Cleopatra exhibit.

The day had been so busy that I was luckily able to forget about many of the things I worried over last night. I had been up bright and early and to the Met by 7:00. I spent nearly the whole day helping with final touches for exhibits, ensuring that our signage and displays were in order and talking to the interns about what their roles would be tonight. Not only did I have to make sure they were representative of the Met, but also, making sure they each had their assignments for the night.

I checked over the exhibit one final time when I noticed one of the display descriptions was a bit out of place. I quickly fixed it and made sure everything else was in order when I started to walk back to the main event area. There weren't many people in the Cleopatra area yet, as most were still lingering in the new exhibit with the masks. But we expected so many people we kept the Cleopatra open for overflow purposes.

I stepped into the newly reconfigured hall and immediately replaced my mask over my face. Once I finally left at 3:00 in the afternoon, I hurried home, showered, shaved, put on my make-up and put my hair in rollers. I had to be back at the Met at 6:00 as the event started at 7:00. But I always wanted to be early just in case there were any last minute fixes. As a result, I left my hair in big loose curls. My mask was relatively small and light and I could remove it or place it on my face easily.

I saw the Merrills standing next to the bar on the left side of the hall and pressed my hands down my dress to make sure everything was in place. Julian Merrill was a major contributor to the Met. He and his wife were very generous with their donations. I had worked with Sylvia a few times on some projects in my old position.

I quickly said hello and thanked them for coming. Of course they wanted to let me know that their son, Julian Jr. or JJ, recently returned from their London office and they thought that we just "had" to reconnect.

I politely thanked them and told them that I would email him.

 _Or not._

JJ was nice enough, but talking to him was like watching paint dry. I had gone to lunch with him once a few years ago at Sylvia's prodding. It was a fine line to walk. I definitely didn't want to piss off the Merrills, but I honestly thought I was going to fall asleep when I was with him.

Just then I saw Alice and Jasper across the room and made my way over.

"Hey Ali, you look great!" I gave her a hug and nodded at Jazz. He looked dashing in his black tux and studded vest underneath. His mask was gray and studded as well. It looked like something out of the Civil War and it was entirely fitting for Jasper. Alice of course looked like his perfect counterpart. She had on a military inspired dress and her mask was similar but with large tarnished looking buttons that looked like buttons on a military jacket. You could already start to see her little bump on her tiny frame.

"Thanks Bella, but apparently I am already putting on the baby weight." She rubbed her stomach and Jasper rolled his eyes. "I'm measuring what someone at sixteen weeks is measuring, not eleven!" She exclaimed.

"Well you look great Ali."

She sighed wistfully. "Well, I have a suspicion as to why that might be but Jazz doesn't agree with me."

"Really what's that?"

But before Alice could answer me, a cold voice called from behind her.

"Mary Alice, darling, there you are." Alice bristled and her eyes went wide. Jasper set his jaw and smiled tightly.

A very distinguished woman of probably eighty walked over on the arm of an equally distinguished man. They were both impeccably dressed and had white blond hair and intense blue eyes. The woman was holding her mask on a stick and eyeing us peculiarly. I knew instantly who this was, and why Alice tensed—other than the fact that the woman called her Mary Alice. I knew she absolutely hated her given name, not even her parents called her that. She was only named Mary Alice after Esme's mother, but she always went by Alice.

Alice put on a stiff smile at that moment and turned.

"Grandmother, how lovely to see you."

They kissed each other's cheeks and Jasper shook hands with the man.

"Jan, how are you this evening?"

"Fine thank you, Mr. Whitlock. Are you still working here at the harrowed halls?" He said with a bit of an air to his voice.

"I am sir." Jasper nodded.

"Good good. And Mary Alice, your father informed us of your recent news. Congratulations."

"Thank you Grandfather." Alice smiled tightly and kissed him on the cheeks as well.

"It's too bad your brother can't stop his silly gallivanting around the globe and do the same. I hear the young Whitney girl is now back on the market. Didn't they used to see one another?"

I instantly tensed and so did Alice and Jasper. I had learned that even if Alice missed Edward very much, and worried about his work, they nevertheless supported him.

 _And was he saying that Claire Whitney was getting a divorce?_

 _Shit._

"Oh Grandfather, you know Edward. He's probably working a very important case."

"Rubbish. He should be working at Cullen Enterprises." Jan stated.

"Yes, Mary Alice, and married. He's what thirty-five now?" Sasha added as she raised her eyebrow.

 _Christ they don't even know how old their grandson is, but they want to dictate his life?_

"Thirty-six." Alice whispered through clenched teeth and just as I was about to jump in for her Carlisle and Esme strode up. Carlisle looked every bit as distinguished as his parents, but his entire demeanor was different. He was impeccable in his black tux and bow-tie. His mask was regal looking. But there was softness in his eyes and easiness in his face.

"Father. Mother. It's good to see you here." He and Esme did their standard greeting and I saw that Esme looked as beautiful as ever. She really could pass as an older sister to Edward. Her hair had the same strange bronze tint and she had his piercing jade eyes. I could definitely see now how he was his mother's son. She looked magnificent in an emerald dress and gold mask. Her warm smile could brighten a room.

"Carlisle darling, we were just talking to Mary Alice and Mr. Whitlock. Oh and I'm sorry dear I didn't catch your name." She said as she finally acknowledged my presence.

 _Bitch._

But I put on a little-too-wide smile and put my shoulders back.

"Bella Swan, Ma'am." I offered her my hand and she gave me the two-fingered, hoity-toity wimpy shake.

 _I sighed internally. Please, I'm a girl from Brooklyn; I shake hands like it's the twenty-first century._

I plastered my fake smile on my face nonetheless.

"Sasha Cullen. But of course I'm sure you already know that." She said haughtily.

I sighed internally again. Now I understood Alice and Edward's issues with their grandparents. These people were brutal.

Then Jan offered his hand and I shook it.

"Swan you say. Now what would that be English?" Jan asked.

"My parents were both Irish actually, and with a bit of Italian."

"Ah I see." He said.

Sasha eyed me peculiarly. "And where did you grow up?"

"Brooklyn. Ma'am."

Before she could speak to me more condescendingly Esme stepped in.

"Sasha, Bella is actually the Director of the Intern Program here at the Met. I believe you have met before."

Sasha shrugged and Jan furrowed his brow. "I don't believe so Esme, but if you say so."

 _Nope I was wrong. Uber bitch is more like it._

"Actually yes. In fact, Bella is essential in making this event possible. She's quite spectacular at her job." Esme said and I was astonished. Then she turned and smiled at me.

"Bella dear, the event is really lovely. I wanted to tell you that as soon as I came over."

"Thank you Esme." I smiled and cooled down a bit at the same time.

Carlisle offered me a sympathetic smile then as well, and the six of them chatted for a few more moments. But as I stood there sipping my drink something unusual caught my eye. I could feel a tingly sensation up my spine. I looked and saw, at least I thought, a flash of bronze hair disappear into the now thick crowd.

That's strange. He wouldn't be here. He couldn't risk that could he?

I was sure I was seeing things and shook it away. I turned back to the conversation in time for Sasha and Jan to say they had to speak with some other socialites and they ta-ta'd off into the crowd.

Esme was instantly by my side and grabbed my elbow.

"I'm sorry about that. They're so pretentious. They would drown if it sprinkled outside."

I immediately started giggling. I hadn't seen Esme in a while and she and I shared similar no-bullshit personalities. I had to laugh at her take on her in-laws.

"It's okay Esme. I'm pretty used to it and I can handle it. Cop's daughter remember." I shrugged.

"No Bella, you should never get used to it. Just because they have money doesn't mean they can treat other people like crap." She raised her eyebrows at me and I nodded. I knew Esme came from a not so good family and she had learned to hold her own with the Cullens and the other elites of New York. She really was a spectacular woman and I could see a lot of Edward's drive and fire came from her.

The five of us started chatting and laughing at Alice's most recent antics concerning the baby. Apparently she was convinced that she was having twins and Jasper just rolled his eyes at his spunky wife.

"You know Bella, it's too bad we can't get our Edward to settle down, you two would be just perfect for each other. And I know I would love to have you around more. You'd be good for him, give him a run for his money now and then." Esme said wistfully.

 _Yeah, about that…_

I took a long sip of my drink as I put on a smile.

"Oh, Esme, nonsense, I just stick my foot in my mouth most of the time…" I teased, but there was tightness in my voice.

"Oh no, I agree Mom. Bella and Edward would be perfect for each other." Alice gushed.

"Alice really, I've only met him the one time…"

 _Oh fuck. I let that slip out._

"Really? You two have met? When? I didn't think you had the chance to meet him. I will have to ask that son of mine the next time I see him…" Esme trailed off and I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"Esme, why don't you and Alice leave poor Bella alone?" Carlisle gave me a warm smile.

I nodded gratefully and he just winked.

 _What the hell?_

I didn't know what that meant, but I figured it was a good time to get out of the conversation before it got to a point of no return. I excused myself for a moment to step away to the bar. There were servers walking around with champagne, but I wasn't much of a champagne drinker. The stuff always gave me a headache. I wanted another Ketel One especially since I was going to be mingling with this crowd tonight.

As I stood at the bar I once again felt eyes on me. But this time it was that sixth sense feeling and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

"Mademoiselle, as enchanting as always." A slithery voice whispered in my ear.

My body instantly went stiff as I slowly turned.

"Laurent. I'm surprised you remember me."

"Ah Ms. Swan, but a beauty such as yours I could never forget." He eyed me seductively and I had to fight off the urge to throw up on him.

 _Ugh._

"Well that's unfortunate because I wish I could forget all about you. Now if you'll excuse me."

"Where are you going Mademoiselle? The party is just starting." He grabbed my arm and it took everything I had not to slap him in that moment.

Then he leaned in and continued.

"You know, you're step-father and I are in business together. It's my understanding that you're not seeing anyone."

"Oh and what Phil told you that?" I snapped my arm away from him and stared him down.

"Of course not. Your dear mother did. But then again, you only recently broke things off with Mr. Raven didn't you. I guess it would look very uncouth if I were to ask you out now wouldn't it."

 _Are you fucking kidding me?_

"Save your breath Laurent. I wouldn't date you if you were the last man on this Earth."

"My dear Ms. Swan is that how you treat all of your potential donors." He said conceitedly.

 _Oh right because this asshole has money he can beat women and treat everyone else like shit. I think not._

I set my jaw and stepped closer to him as I gripped my glass in one hand and my clutch in the other. I could feel almost a fire burning in me and I couldn't tell if it was because I was going to have a chance to tell off Laurent after all these years or if it was something else.

Either way, I lowered my voice and leaned in so that only he could hear me.

"Actually Mr. Dufor, I am pretty sure that we don't want contributions from disgusting pigs like you who beat their girlfriends. But just so you know, Kate has moved on and is quite happy. And you, well." I laughed dryly. "You're still the same self-absorbed, revolting asshole that you have always been. And you can tell Mr. Raven that I think the same of him. Now if you'll excuse me, I have true philanthropists to attend to."

With that I spun on my heels and stalked off through the crowd. I didn't know where I was going until I was clearly on the other side of the hall, the throngs of supporters in full swing of drinking, dancing and schmoozing the night away.

Suddenly I spotted Rosalie and Emmett, well John in the open, with Rosalie's parents and walked over.

My heart was still pounding and my chest was rising and falling but I felt…good…cleansed to have my chance to give Laurent a piece of my mind. Especially after everything else I found out last night.

"You okay Bella?" Rose eyed me curiously.

"Great." I said too quickly and Emmett just nodded at me as he was conversing with Rosalie's Dad.

I chatted for a few moments with Rose and her Mom until the MC announced that they would be starting the auction in an hour and then afterward the dance would continue into the night.

I remembered then that I had to make sure the person leading the auction had all of the correct materials. I walked to the stage and once again could feel eyes on me.

I shook it off as just a residual feeling from the run-in with Laurent and strode up to the stand. Everything was in place except the MC wanted to compare his list of items with the final one. I realized I would have to retrieve one from my office and immediately left to grab it.

I speedily walked to my office, my stilettos clicking over the floor. I still felt a bit of unease as I slipped into the dark office area. I stepped inside my office and quickly flipped on the light.

My desk was in disarray from my chaotic last few days of work and I looked for the final list of the auction items. I had one because I had the interns help write up the bios for each of the items. Just as I was about to step out I noticed a package sitting on the table at the side of my office.

 _That's funny. I don't remember that being here this afternoon._

I walked over to the box that was sitting on my table and looked at it. It was relatively inconspicuous, just a brown box with taping and a UPS label. But there was no return address.

Just as I was about to open it, the lights of my office flicked off and I heard the door shut and the lock click.

Sparks instantly shot up my spine and my breath became labored.

I slowly turned around and drew my eyes to the dark form before me. His eyes were feral and hungry and my pulse instantly quickened.

"What are you doing here?"

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I stepped away from Bella's fire escape in the early morning hours. I was still in a fog over our last two nights and our morning together. It was Saturday morning and I didn't want to tell her that I was attending the event tonight. On the one hand I wanted to surprise her and at the same time I didn't want her looking for me or draw attention.

I hurried to grab a cab on Broadway and set out to do something I had been considering ever since she told us about knowing Laurent last night. But as I sat in the cab I couldn't help but think about the last two days.

We had shared those three little words. So small yet so powerful at the same time.

She loved me.

She said she loved me.

I most certainly, completely and wholly loved her.

Beyond description. Beyond comparison. Beyond anything I had ever felt in my life.

Thursday night after our playful and…holy fuck, insanely hot encounter in the kitchen I was on the verge of telling her in the shower. But then I thought only an ass would tell her in the shower. So I didn't. Then once we were lying so peacefully in the moonlight, with her hair splay across the pillow and my arms around her. I knew I had to say it; I couldn't keep it in anymore. But I didn't know if she heard me, and I didn't care. I just had to say the words. It didn't matter.

The utter expanse of the emotions and feelings I could have with her, about her, amazed me. It was the like the two ends of the spectrum that we both swung between. I could laugh with her, cry with her, joke with her, be coy with her and completely want to devour her.

Then yesterday morning was nothing short of perfect. When I looked into her eyes and said it again and she returned it in kind, I knew. I knew she was it for me. There was nowhere else I ever wanted to be; there was no one else I ever wanted to be with.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I was concerned that it would be different somehow, when we were finally able to leave the confines of her condo. But at the same time, I agreed with her take on the matter. We were forced to focus on one another and learn about each other. I knew more about her than I did anyone else in the world, save my family. Hell, I knew more about her after a month than I did after three years with Claire.

And that alone told me what I had been suspecting all along. She really was my other half. Her body, her mind, her soul beckoned to me and when I was apart from her I felt like half of me was missing. Cheesy as it sounded, it was true.

Yesterday after I left Bella's I went to the ratty gym by my place. Clearwater and I were planning to meet at the gym first thing in the morning and then go to the club that night and take McCarty with us. But while working out, I found out from Felix that Laurent would be attending some important "event" along with "lots of important people."

I could only guess it was the Met event and I immediately told Seth we should meet with Emmett. We made our way to the Upper West Side and walked into McCarty's building.

He was right. It was nice to go in the front door. I didn't want to do it often because if we were being watched it would look suspicious if I was going into "John's" building at all hours of the night. Nonetheless it was nice to be able to be a little bit out in the open now. Even though it was still part of our cover.

I had to admit the camaraderie was welcome after my baneful existence in Romania. I had friends undercover, a first for me. The three of us sat down and discussed the possibility of some players being at the event. Seth mentioned that he had heard from one of his sources about there being a big meet this weekend. I couldn't imagine that they would do it at the event, but maybe if I attended I could at least be tipped off by the interactions.

Seth wasn't going, he had to keep up his cover and pull a deal tonight. But Emmett was planning on attending with Rosalie. It was actually good, because he would look like a more legitimate buyer attending a high-profile event with a high-profile family.

Then Emmett made a suggestion that I hadn't thought of before. Since we weren't going to the club last night, he suggested we talk to Bella. Come clean so to speak so we could find out if there were any connections that she had to some of the players that we didn't know about.

He had told Rose about his true status on Wednesday night. Apparently she was pissed at first, and in true Rosalie Whitlock fashion read him the riot act. But once she got it out of her system she understood his reservations. He told her about Bella and I and she confirmed that she knew we had something going, but she didn't know how serious it was. After that we decided to bring it out in the open.

We weren't sure what was going on with our mission, but we both felt like we were intentionally being left out of the loop on a few things and the three of us were putting them together on our own. I didn't like that feeling. And I was starting to think that one of the best ways I could protect Bella would be if she knew just how dangerous this whole situation was.

So last night we decided to tell Bella everything. I was concerned at first when she thought I had lied to her. I should have seen that coming, but I more than assured her that it changed nothing about the way I felt about her.

Then she dropped the bomb on us that she knew Laurent.

James. Demitri. Jacob. Laurent. Phil.

Who next?

After she fell asleep I determined that there was one person I had to see today. I had to find out if my father knew anything about Van Rijn and Reycon. I needed to know if he knew Laurent or the Reycon exec that was at the club.

Not only that but the tumult of feelings and pressure of secrecy was starting to weigh on me. The fact that I spent so much time at Bella's and took the time to see her but not my family made me feel guilty. Even though I wasn't supposed to, I felt like I needed to go. So my visit was two-fold.

The cab rolled to a stop and I walked a few blocks checking my surroundings before haling another. I had it drop me off a few streets over from my parents place and immediately wove my way to their townhome. It was still early, only dawn, and I slipped into the back of the house easily with my key.

My father had always been a morning person so I hoped he was up.

I shuffled through the back door and took in the kitchen and the warm sights and smells as I did only a month ago.

Wow, was that only a month ago?

So much had changed it seemed like a lifetime ago. I was such a different person a month ago. Before I met…

"Edward?"

I looked up to see my father sitting at the small kitchen table drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper. He had a look of surprise on his face and I nodded.

"Dad."

"What…what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you actually. Is Mom still asleep?"

"No she's over at Alice's already…something about primping for tonight." He rolled his eyes and I chuckled. Leave it to Alice to talk my Mom into a day at the spa and primping for the big Met event. Lord knows my mother wouldn't have done it on her own. But she would go for my sister.

My Dad stood up then, still in his pajama pants and a white t-shirt. He was still a fit and very distinguished man. Surely from running and playing basketball with a few of his buddies from work twice a week. He had done it for years. It was part of the reason all of us were attentive to our physical fitness. Both of our parents had maintained their youthful looks over the years by staying in shape.

"Do you want a cup of coffee?" He asked then. I nodded as he poured me my standard cup of black coffee and gestured toward the dining room.

"C'mon, let's go to the study." He said.

I followed him through the house noticing how much warmer it seemed since the last time.

 _Or maybe the difference is me._

We stepped into the study and I immediately took in the cherry shelves lining the walls and the large cherry desk. It was deep and rich and smelled like the hundreds of books that were packed from floor to ceiling. I strode over to one of the shelves where there was a picture frame.

I swallowed as I looked at it, waiting for the ever gripping grief to take over me. But I only felt a small pang.

It was a picture of Dad, Eric and I at a Yankees World Series game. I was at Georgetown at the time but I made the trip home to go to two of the games. We had huge grins on our faces and beers in our hands as we were celebrating the Yanks win of the 1999 World Series.

"That was a fun Series huh?" My Dad said just over my shoulder.

I turned to look at him. I could see the tentativeness on his face.

"Yeah. But the company was better." I said and his face softened.

"You seem…different Edward." He furrowed his brow, but only in contemplation. "Lighter. Is something going on?"

I swallowed. I was my mother's son, but my Dad could always read me like a book as well. Both of his sons. The three of us were very close. Still I hadn't expected him to be so forthcoming today…already.

"Um." I stuttered and looked back at the picture. I was sad, but not grief-stricken. I was simply remembering, simply reveling in the thoughts of a time gone by.

 _Or maybe I was finally healing._

I stared at the picture and I knew I could only attribute this feeling, this sadness but almost…peace to one person. And I left her bed only a mere hour ago.

I didn't want to expand the group of people that knew about Bella and me. But at the same time, I was so ready to be back in my family's life, in my old life, that I wanted to tell him. Hell I wanted to shout it from the roof tops.

Before I could stop the words from leaving my mouth they were gone.

"I met someone."

"Really?" My Dad said with a slight smile in his voice.

I turned to look at him, surprise played across his face.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Well by the looks of things she's had quite the influence on you."

"She has."

He eyed me again and then nodded.

"So did you come here to tell me about her or is something on your mind. Because I know you Edward, you wouldn't come see us when you are undercover for no reason."

I looked at my Dad and just shook my head again—always so perceptive.

"Actually Dad, yes there's something I want to discuss with you."

I sat down and told him only bits and pieces about Van Rijn and Reycon and that we thought they were connected somehow to our investigation. He was shocked of course, but said he hadn't heard or seen anything. Of course he was in research and he didn't deal with the sales side of the organization other than to produce timelines for when the new drugs would come out.

Then I asked him if he was familiar with Laurent Dufour. My father knew him. But he said he was only a stockholder in the company. Although our family had long time ties to Van Rijn, he said my grandfather would likely know more information. Of course I didn't want to talk to him.

I let my mind wander to my grandparents for a moment as my father thought about Laurent and Van Rijn as well. They were both pompous, conceited people. My grandfather started Cullen Enterprises when he was only twenty-five and built it into a giant financial management company over the next sixty years. He was still at the helm and he wanted nothing more than for my father and Eric and I to work with him. I think part of the reason he was still the CEO was because he was holding on to some vain idea that one of us would "see reason" and come to work for him and take over.

Obviously I wanted nothing to do with it. Jan and I had more rows over the years than I can count. As Esme's son I was as strong-willed and bull-headed as she, and also as unimpressed by his "lifestyle" or social status. I didn't want a thing to do with Cullen Enterprises. I didn't have any aspirations for business, I had always wanted to work with the law in some manner and he knew that. But he didn't like it and he persisted anyhow.

Eric was always more amenable to his demands and able to handle Jan with more grace. Eric was more of a pleaser than me. For as carefree as he was he liked to make people happy and he didn't like to make waves. It was part of the reason we were so close. I helped him stand on his principles more and he helped me see other people's perspectives—particularly my grandparents. It was very similar to the yin and yang relationship my parents shared.

But that didn't mean I liked to have to do it. If I had rows with my grandfather, I was equally as unclose and uncared for by my grandmother. Sasha was always a cold woman. Most kids' grandmothers took them to the zoo and made cookies and helped their parents with them after school.

Not Sasha.

Sasha was too busy ensuring that the Cullen status and name remained impeccable and amongst the ut-most elite of New York. She was from an equally prominent Dutch family and spent her days consorting with the other wives of the prominent CEO's, Presidents and Billionaires in New York. In fact, my grandparents own relationship always seemed like a business arrangement. She treated her grandchildren the same and even mentioned to my mother on more than one occasion that she should either stay home entirely or get a nanny. To which my mother told her, more or less, to shove it.

Yes, Sasha and Jan were far from the grandparents most people had, yet they liked to impress upon us their ideals for how we _should_ be living our lives. I'm sure in their eyes I should have married Claire Whitney and should be next in line at CE and have produced two or three perfect little elite children by now.

The thought made me blanch. I had long ago given up such dreams. But in that moment my mind went to what it would be like to have a child with Bella. What I could do outside the FBI, raise a family like my parents, and live a good life simply doing something purposeful. I thought of little brown haired girls and boys running on the beach at my parent's house in the Hamptons. All of a sudden the entire scene was fascinating to me. It made me smile and as I pulled myself from my ruminations and realized my Dad was staring at me.

"What?"

He chuckled and shook his head.

"So are you going to tell me about her?" He raised his eyebrow at me and crossed his arms.

"You can't say anything to Mom."

"You think I'm crazy?" He joked.

I laughed this time. Mom would do back flips if she knew I was seeing someone. Hell, no one was supposed to know about us and that made me think about the implications of widening the circle. But if there was one person who would keep it under lock and key it was my Dad.

"Her name is Bella." I finally said.

"Really? She doesn't know your sister does she?" My Dad's brows furrowed, but I saw a gleam in his eyes.

"Alice doesn't know, and can't know. You know how she is." I said sternly.

My Dad raised his hands and laughed. "You don't have to tell me that."

I told him how I met her and an edited version of how we had come to start seeing each other. My Dad just smiled at me knowingly. We chatted for a bit about Alice's recent news and I even told him about their wanting to use Eric's name. It felt good to actually talk to my Dad again. It felt like I hadn't done this in ages.

"So what do you think?" I finally asked.

"I can tell you one thing. I haven't seen a smile on your face in years." He said and then his voice softened. "And son, I haven't seen you look at a picture of Eric or talk about him willingly in longer than I want to remember. She's good for you. And I'm pretty sure I know why."

I looked up at him and my green eyes met his intense blue ones. I knew my parents knew Bella and likely knew about her brother. But for my father, a man I so deeply respected, to approve our relationship made me feel infinitely better about it.

Our eyes remained locked and I swallowed as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Edward. It's time." He said then.

I simply nodded and the heaviness that surrounded us slowly ebbed away. It was almost as if a peaceful calm entered the room.

Suddenly the clock chimed in the study and the moment passed. I looked at the time and realized I needed to be going if I was to get provisions for the event tonight.

"Well it looks like I need to find a tuxedo and a mask, and quickly." I said.

We walked back out to the kitchen and stood in the doorway to the back alley.

Quiet permeated the house and I looked at my Dad as I spoke in a low voice.

"Thanks Dad."

"You're welcome."

I offered my hand and he accepted it but then pulled me into a hug and hit me on the back as only a father can.

A tightness arose in my chest as I released from his embrace but my hand remained locked in his.

"Be careful. And not just because _I'm_ asking you to." He said.

I knew what he meant. It wasn't just about me. It wasn't just about Eric anymore. I knew that now. I was finally starting to see the forest through the trees and come out into the light again. I needed to be careful not only for my parents and for Alice and Jasper. I needed to be careful for Bella.

I nodded and shook his hand one more time and silently slipped out the back.

*&^%$#

I walked into the Met at a quarter past eight prepared to do some serious eye-balling of Laurent and anyone else I might recognize from the club or my briefings.

I had found a tux and a mask of a lion, ironically, which conveniently covered most of my face. I knew my hair was still a bit noticeable but my stature had changed immensely. I was no longer the lanky and moderately athletic person I once was. I was at least twenty pounds bigger, but entirely from muscle, from my training in the FBI and Romania. My hair was much longer than it used to be and in a bit of disarray compared to my prep school days. And I was obviously paler since I hadn't seen a beach in more summers than I could count.

But I still had to be suspicious of those around me. There would be many faces I would recognize here and I had to not only fit in but also disappear at the same time.

Just as I grabbed a drink from the bar I glanced across the room and it was as if the sea of people parted.

Standing next to my parents and Alice and Jasper was a vision in a glittering bronze dress and gold mask. Her hair cascaded down her back in large, thick curls and my fingers instantly clenched at the desire to feel them.

She was…captivating and mesmerizing in the soft glow of the hall. Her smile was wide and she would toss her head back and laugh at something one of them said. I was spellbound and speechless as I gazed at her. It was so ironic that I spoke with my father this morning only to have her here, talking and laughing with them so effortlessly. Seeing her standing there my entire world fell into place in one fluid movement. She looked absolutely right…absolutely perfect with them.

I realized then that the only thing missing from the picture before me was…me.

I wanted to be there. I wanted to be part of that conversation, part of that picture. And just as I had on the Fourth of July, in thinking about my father's comments today, I recommitted myself to that goal.

Someday I would be there. I might be in the middle of this mission right now, but it wouldn't be forever.

And someday I would be able to stand next to her and laugh with her, rest my arm on her waist and run my fingers through her chestnut waves and gaze into her espresso eyes.

In that moment, I knew I had to have her. I didn't know how, or when or why, but somewhere along the line in the short time I knew her Bella had become as essential to me as breathing.

My chest wasn't heavy any longer. My thoughts weren't muddled or guilt-ridden and I didn't have an intense burning anger and desire for revenge.

The only burning I had was for the woman I was entranced by at that very moment.

All of a sudden she turned to leave my family and made her way to the bar on the other side to grab a drink. I slowly made my way through the crowd, careful to avoid the sightlines of my family and stood back twenty feet from the bar as I watched her. She was so flawless, so confident, but not in an overbearing way and so effortless in her beauty.

But just as I was taking her in a low growl erupted in my belly as I saw a man approach her from behind.

And not just any man.

The one I was here to scope out tonight: Laurent.

She turned to speak to him and I could see the fire in her eyes. I knew she hated him. I knew what he did to Kate, and I was sure it was even worse than the description she gave us last night. That much was apparent from the look on her face right now.

He grabbed her arm and I had to bolt myself to the floor from rushing over there. But she held her ground. And she was…terrifying…and awesome and incredibly sexy at the same time.

I saw her lean in close to him and say something and then step back and give him a confident nod of her head and stalk off. The look on his face was priceless. I didn't know what she said but it was obvious she gave him a piece of her mind because he was speechless. The look of surprise on his face almost made me laugh. I had to stand there and just take it in for a moment. My blood was racing at watching the encounter… and I had never been so…turned on by such a spectacle.

 _That's my girl._

I turned as my eyes followed her to Rose and Emmett and then to the MC. But then she began to make her way out of the hall where the event was being held.

 _Hmmm. I wonder where she's going. Somewhere private?_

Suddenly, I had to have her. I had to touch her. I had to see her for just a moment and let her know I was there.

I quickly deposited my drink on a passing waiter's tray and slipped out of the hall after her. I could hear her heels clicking on the floor and I knew she was heading in the direction of the offices, her office I assumed. I had scoped out the map of the Met again this afternoon when I was preparing to come tonight, in case I needed to make a quick getaway.

It wouldn't have mattered if I could hear her or not though. Her entire being pulled me in whatever direction she was headed. It was truly like gravity, like a planet orbiting its sun and unable to break free from its reigns.

 _But these were reigns I didn't want to break free of._

I saw her turn a corner and I checked for cameras and hustled down the hall after her. I stepped to where there were three doors and saw her name on the outside of the one at the end.

I quickly slipped inside her office door and turned off the light. I closed the door and turned the lock and I saw her stop. She was facing away from me but she slowly turned around.

 _Did she feel this too? This all-encompassing, throbbing and beating pulse of electricity whenever I was near her._

Her eyes widened and then a slow devious smile captured her face.

"What are you doing here?"

I put my hand to my chin and just stared at her. I could almost hear her heart pounding and I could see her perfect, voluptuous breasts heaving with each of her breaths over the edge of her dress.

 _Jesus H…_

She really did look like a piece of art, fit to walk the esteemed halls and I just admired her now that I was only feet away and not yards as I had been earlier. I decided to play along with the whole theme of the night though. Only a few rays of moonlight were peeking in the window and light from the hallway under the door. Of course with my vision, I could still see every perfect line of the goddess before me.

I stalked over to her, my eyes feral and yearning. I walked in a slow circle around her and trailed my finger over her collarbone and gently grazed the tops of her breasts. Then I placed my hands on her hips as I stepped behind her and brushed her beautiful hair aside and kissed her neck. Her skin broke out in goose bumps as I murmured in her ear.

"Hmmm. I don't know who you're talking about Ms. Swan. I am attending an event at the Met, and it appears I have lost my way." I toyed with her.

She shivered and gave a little moan and I chuckled under my breath. But suddenly I felt her hand reach back behind me and grasp on to my waist pulling me closer.

"I must tell you, you look absolutely breathtaking tonight _Liefje."_ I kissed her again. "But I was hoping that I might get some…assistance."

"And what do you expect sir, a private tour?" She said seductively.

 _Oh she wanted to play did she? I loved it when she was like this._

"I can only think of one thing I want a private tour of…of course, I'm the only person who can have that tour." I traced my hands up her sides and let my lips descend on her neck again.

"Oh yeah, and what would that be of?" She asked breathily.

I brushed my tongue along the spot below her ear and felt her shudder again beneath me. I tasted her sweet skin, and she was everything Bella and sweet perfection.

I lowered my voice even more and put my lips right at her ear.

"Your body."

"Oh fuck me." She responded with a groan.

I chuckled and kissed her again below her ear and I could feel her quivering. What was it about this woman that made me want her so desperately? I pressed into her back so she could feel how hard I was for her. I thought of how fucking hot she was when she told off Laurent and how unbelievably stunning and commanding and so Goddamn sexy she looked tonight.

"If you want me to." I said with a smirk and gripped her more tightly.

She moaned again and her body shook under my fingertips. I firmly pressed my hands down her sides then and around to the front of her thighs, never pressing where she wanted, but teasing her as I drew close and then backed away. But at the same time I pressed into her more, letting her know just how much I wanted her.

 _Fuck I wanted her all the time._

"Of course, I wouldn't want to ruin this sensational dress." I said huskily as I ever so lightly let my fingers graze her breasts.

She whimpered then and I pulled her tighter to me, palming one of her breasts in my hand.

Suddenly she gained her bearings and spun around. Her eyes were as black as mine and as riddled with need. She was oozing sex and I wanted her more than I could possibly imagine in that moment. She grabbed my tie and pulled my lips down right to hers as she gave me a seductive smirk.

"Fuck the dress."

She crashed her lips to mine and her hands instantly went to my hair as she tugged relentlessly.

 _Fuck she was incredible. Sexy and confident and just…Fuck._

"Ugh." I groaned this time as she hungrily attacked my mouth and the next thing in I knew it my back was against a bookshelf. Books began flying off the rungs and landed on the floor, but I wouldn't have noticed if an earthquake hit New York City.

I was too busy feeling, tasting, and needing Bella in that moment. I roughly ran my hands down her back, to her waist and cupped her tight ass in my hands. She flexed her hips into me and I saw stars for a moment. We were both greedy and anxious for friction. Our tongues were battling as our hands made their needy pleas. Books were flying and the bookshelf was shaking until I lifted her slightly and we fell onto her desk.

"We don't have much time." She said as she bit my lip.

"I think I can make it worth your while." I said as I roughly pulled hers into my mouth.

**She broke the kiss and in a fluid movement swept my jacket off on and lifted the mask from my face. I reciprocated and pulled her mask from her and tossed it, hearing it clank somewhere against the wall in the back of the room. The next few minutes were a frenzy of hands and lips and clothes flying. Papers sailed off her desk and were strewn about the floor.

She deftly undid my belt and flung it across the room. I was left in my unbuttoned white shirt and pants before her. Somehow she was still in her dress. I quickly unzipped the back and pulled her off the desk and then swept it down her body in one motion. I tossed it behind me and heard another crash, but the only thing I could focus on was the goddess before me and the fact that my eyes were bugging out of my head.

She was in a black corset with her sumptuous breasts pressed impossibly high. Her waist was cinched like fucking Scarlett O'Hara's and she had on five inch stilettos.

My mouth went as dry as the Sahara Desert.

I think my tongue was even hanging out.

I wanted to devour her. I wanted to take her on her desk, against the bookshelf, in the chair—fuck everywhere.

But that would require brain functioning.

And at the moment I was paralyzed because all of the blood completely left my brain and was throbbing in one insanely hard region of my body.

She stood before me smirking and cocked an eyebrow.

With that I no longer needed blood or brain function, my body just reacted and I attacked her with a growl.

I dropped her back on the desk, and she wrapped her legs around me and pulled my aching cock to her warm center.

I ground into her and she moaned into my mouth. I pulled her corset down revealing her perfect breasts and pert nipples and immediately took one in my mouth as I roughly pinched the other.

"Fuck." She hissed and at first I thought I hurt her because we weren't usually this rough. But fuck if she didn't like it as she mewled and ground back into me. Soon her hand was struggling to open my pants the rest of the way until she finally reached my pulsing cock and released it from the confines.

In another motion she pushed me back and I stumbled. My fiery goddess was attacking me like a hungry animal and I was her last meal.

I finally felt her desk chair behind me and sat down and pulled her into my lap. I knew exactly how I wanted to have her in that moment.

Her on top of me.

Riding me.

So I could see ab-so-lute-ly everything.

I gripped her waist and stood her up and ripped her panties from her once again.

She yelped and jumped back into my lap and bit me on the juncture of my neck and then licked it with her tongue.

"Oh God, _Liefje_." I crashed my lips to hers again as I centered her body over mine. Her waist was so small I could almost wrap my hands around her in that corset.

My eyes took a moment to just burn that image into my head. Dear God the corset and the heels and…

She looked right into my eyes then and gave me a devious grin.

"Edward, are you going to fuck me or what?"

I returned her smirk then and pulled her tighter to me as I teasingly traced my tongue over the tops of her breasts. I snaked my hand down to make sure she was ready for me and had to suppress a groan when I found her completely soaked.

But she held her intense stare as her hands gripped my shoulders and she waited.

Finally I used my other hand to bring her head to me so that her ear was right next to my lips.

"You really shouldn't have said that."

In a flash I pulled her down onto me and we both growled at the contact.

 _Holy fuck that's deep._

I had to steady myself for a moment as we both became accustomed to it.

Every time we had been together so far I had been on top or in control and even if it was raw and passionate like now, it was upright or her beneath me.

 _And if I thought that was heaven before it was fucking nothing compared to this._

I could feel everything as she rolled her head back and closed her eyes.

"Oh my fucking God. Edward."

'I know.' I wanted to say but I couldn't fucking speak at the moment.

I clutched her waist and began to help her move as I gritted my teeth. Fuck the site before me was unbelievable: Bella in an impossibly tight black corset, her breasts were literally spilling out over the top and her head was thrown back in ecstasy and as she moaned pleasure.

I had to feel her. I had to taste her—everywhere. My lips were instantly on her neck, her breasts, licking the flesh of her skin and tasting her deliciousness. My hands roughly squeezed her ass, her curves—fuck anything and everything I could get a hold of.

"Jesus Bella." I groaned as she picked up her pace and used my shoulders to gain leverage. She was ridiculously tight around me as she took me in.

She put her legs through on either side of the chair and then she pressed my head back and ran her tongue up my neck. Flashes of heat radiated through my body. I gripped her harder and thrust up into her as her breasts bounced in front of me. I was fucking speechless again watching her on top of me.

 _Thank you God for my photographic memory._

"Oh God…Oh God…so fucking deep…so good." Her eyes were shut tightly and I could feel her starting to seize around me. We were thumping up against something behind me but I couldn't a care less at this point.

I was only focused on one thing.

Bella. Riding me into oblivion and just trying to hold on for the ride.

 _God I love this woman._

I lifted her then and slammed her down on me and she bit her lip and cried out. I moved one hand to her nipple and pinched and squeezed it as my mouth descended on the other again and I pulled it in and sucked, hard.

At once she shattered around me, screaming out my name and I grunted as I felt my own release spiraling through my body as she squeezed impossibly tight around me.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, _Liefje_." I released her breasts and pulled her back into me. I crushed my mouth to hers and thrust up once more as I flew over the edge. Surge after surge of me spilled into her and I literally saw Technicolor behind my eyelids.

I groaned and pulled her into me tighter and rested my head on her shoulder as I could feel we were both sweaty and panting.

 _Holy shit that was intense._

I gasped and gasped for breath as Bella did the same and rested her head on my shoulder in kind.

We sat there for I don't even know how long simply trying to breathe in our post-coital haze.

Finally, I pulled my head back and traced my fingers through her hair. I was utterly speechless and amazed at how I could have such a basis, raw need for this woman and yet equally profound and aching love.

 _This had to be what it was like to meet "that" person._

 _This had to be what all those cheesy lines and sayings about meeting "your other half" meant._

As I stared at her in the dim light of her office, I found nothing but complete and unyielding love and acceptance in her eyes. We could be raw and needy and take each other like some wild animals and we could make slow, gentle love and do everything in between.

But what mattered was that every time the connection was the same. It all stemmed from that same burning love and desire in both of us.

I gently brushed her hair back and pressed my lips to hers to give her a languid kiss. Our tongues were no longer battling and we weren't desperate. Now we were just relaxing into each other's arms, the euphoria settling into our bodies in that moment.

"God I love you." I groaned into her kiss.

"God I love you too. That was…"

"Fucking unbelievable." I finished for her and I could feel her laughter shake her body as I kissed her again.

"I'm never going to look at my office the same again." She said and I laughed this time.

Suddenly she tensed and looked at me.

"Shit what time is it?"

I glanced at my watch and gave her the time.

"Crap! I came back here to get a final list of auction items for the MC. It starts in ten minutes!"

She jumped off me and I instantly missed her warmth. But I had to laugh as she scurried around her office in her now mis-fitting corset trying to find her clothes. I looked on the floor and noticed her torn panties on the ground. I quickly scooped them up and put them in my pocket.

Bella was pulling on her dress and trying to get situated.

"Here. Do you need some help?" I asked as I began to zip up the dress.

"I believe you offered to help me the first time I wore this dress." She teased.

I chuckled. "I believe I did. And I would have given anything to help you even then. Although I would have been helping you _out_ of the dress." I smirked as I kissed her shoulder.

"Hmmm. And I would have let you." She said as she looked at me over her shoulder.

" _Liefje_ ," I groaned "You better get back out there or I might just take this dress off again and you surely won't get back in time."

She laughed and turned to give me a kiss. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me, just tasting her and feeling her warm body next to mine.

I stepped back and pulled her mask down and then ran my fingers through her curls.

 _God, I love her hair._

 _Who am I fucking kidding? I love everything about her._

I smiled and gave her one more quick peck and she grabbed two sheets of paper and stepped toward the door.

"Are you coming?"

"I'm going to wait a few moments."

Recognition took over her face and she smiled and nodded as she walked out.

I turned to look around her office and had to laugh. It looked like a war zone. I straightened her chair and a picture behind her desk.

 _That must have been what was thumping._

I chuckled to myself as I walked to the bookshelf. I bent down to grab the fallen books and put them back on the shelf when one fell open.

I scooped it up and noticed an inscription on the inside of the cover.

 _My dearest Isabella,_

 _May you know that you always have my heart and I will always think of you as my Juliet, my Guinevere, my Elizabeth Bennett and everything else in between. I am forever yours. Happy Birthday._

 _With all my love,_

 _Alec_

I tensed and I felt like my heart stopped beating. My throat constricted as I stared at the words on the page before me.

 _What the fuck?_

I didn't need to see it again because it was burned behind my eyelids, but I read the words over and over.

I quickly flipped the book over to realize it was a very pristine book on the great English authors and their use of words. It was rather large and appeared to be quite expensive. I looked through it to see if there was any other indication as to who the book was from. But there was nothing. It looked like it had never been used. I looked at the copyright date. 2002. So it likely wasn't a recent present.

But I didn't care about the book.

It was the inscription that had me perplexed.

 _Who the fuck was Alec?_

Obviously he was someone who cared very deeply for Bella to call her those names. Juliet, Guinevere, Elizabeth Bennett—the names of the epic English romantics spun through my head.

 _But she said she's never felt like this._

I stood there pondering for a moment when I realized I was gripping the book with force.

Surely this Alec had cared _quite_ deeply for her, loved her. Did she not return his feelings?

It was then I realized that, although I told her about Claire—clearly my longest and most serious relationship before Bella—I didn't know anything about her previous relationships.

I swallowed thickly when it struck me that I didn't know if I wanted to know. And at the same time part of me felt like I _had_ to know.

I shook my head and felt regretful, like I was snooping. I hurriedly shelved the book as well as the others that fell on the floor. I piled her papers on her desk and gave a sidelong glance at the package on her side table before I left her office. I closed the door and checked my surroundings. I decided to take another way back to the event so not to risk being seen.

But the name in the book and the inscription kept nagging at me.

 _Who the hell is Alec?_

*&^%$#

Attending the event gained me little by way of insight about Laurent. He didn't seem to interact with anyone who looked suspicious. I saw him chatting with my grandparents at one point, but they were major shareholders in Van Rijn so I didn't think much of it. I didn't see him with anyone from the mission. Certainly no one else I had seen at the club or in briefings. I did notice a few other Reycon execs talking to the one I saw at the club. But that was just a social standard, nothing to connect to the investigation.

But of course that might have been because I was so dreadfully distracted by the message I saw in the book.

I spent the rest of the night watching Bella and moving between a state of distress and awe. I knew she loved me. I knew I loved her. But I had to know about Alec. It was nagging at me in a way that I couldn't explain. I didn't know if it was jealousy, fear, or something else. I just knew that I had to ask her about it and tonight.

I climbed the fire escape to Bella's condo, thinking over the book and the message for the millionth time that night.

But how did I raise it?

I didn't want her to think I was snooping.

I stepped into the condo and made my way to the bedroom where she was slipping on that same silk nightgown she had put on a few nights before.

Fuck.

 _The discussion can wait_.

I gave her a smile and proceeded to tease her about the state of her office when she left. This led to round two for the night and me feeling much more relaxed and sated.

Maybe it was the booze I drank to fit in tonight, or maybe it was having Bella back in my arms, but I knew, even if this Alec character was once a part of her life he wasn't anymore.

Yet I still had to know what _exactly_ he was.

I lay there as her warm breaths scampered across my chest and pondered how to approach the subject when her soft voice broke the silence.

"Edward…as part of your job you don't have to…I mean… do you have to…you know…be with certain women?"

 _Where the hell did that come from?_

I cleared my throat to answer. "Um. No. It could. It all depends how you set up your cover. But no, I don't do that."

"Oh." She was silent for a bit and I would have given a million dollars for her thoughts at the moment.

" _Liefje_ what brought this on?"

She sighed and mumbled something into my chest.

"What?" I asked.

"I said it's stupid."

I lifted her eyes to meet mine and decided that if I wanted her to tell me then I needed to be honest with her too.

"Bella it's not stupid if it's bothering you."

She blew out a breath and looked away and then looked back at me.

"Promise you won't be mad. My stupid brain just runs off on me sometimes." She said.

"I promise." I said as I kissed her lightly.

"I saw Claire there tonight."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Claire?"

"Claire Whitney…your ex-girlfriend." She looked at me like I was crazy.

"I didn't see her, but I guess I wasn't really looking for her either." I furrowed my brows.

 _How the hell did I not see Claire there?_

 _Wow I really was off my game tonight._

"Yeah well something your grandparents said made me think about it…" She trailed off.

"Wait you talked to my grandparents too?"

She nodded and then told me about what they said and how my mother saved her. Then she told me what they said about Claire.

"Oh _Liefje_. I couldn't care less about my grandparents. You know Alice and I don't put any stock in what they say."

She sighed. "I know, but I just started thinking about Claire and then wondering who else you had been with and if you had to do it for your job…" She blushed then and I turned her to face me.

"Sorry. See, I told you it was stupid."

I kissed her again and then steeled my resolve to ask about Alec. Ironically she had opened the dialogue on this subject and I knew there wouldn't be a better time.

"It's not stupid….but…it does make me wonder. You've never told me about any of your exes."

She tensed then and bit her lip and looked down.

When she looked back at me I could see it in her face. Whoever Alec was clearly meant a lot to her at one point in time and my heart immediately clenched.

"Well you know about James." She said and I nodded. "And I've only dated a few other people for longer than a month or two since…" She trailed off.

"Since what?" I prodded, but my heart was pounding in my chest.

"Since Alec. He's the guy I dated in college."

I swallowed but tried to keep my composure.

"So how long ago was that?" I asked, but trying to hide the intense need to know as much information as possible.

"Almost eleven years ago."

"What happened?" I said thickly.

She told me how they met when she was nineteen and started dating the summer before 9/11. She said he was four years older than her but very calm and cool and interested in a lot of the same things. She said they discussed moving to California and getting married and she thought they would stay together.

My heart dropped at hearing her describe their relationship. It was exactly as I feared—that he loved her as much as he said in the inscription.

But then abruptly right after her twenty-second birthday he broke up with her and said he cheated on her and didn't want to see her again. That seemed… _odd_. If he cared about her as much as he said why would he do that? I didn't know whether to be pissed or thankful. On the one hand I wanted to kill him and on the other I was glad for his idiotic behavior.

How could anyone cheat on her? Surely anyone in their right mind wouldn't leave Bella. James' persistence was testament enough to that. I definitely knew that now that I had her, I was never letting go.

"So wait, not even a phone call or an email?" I said incredulously.

"Nope. Nothing." She replied bitterly. "I thought I was in love and all that. But I was young and stupid. I should have known that he wouldn't want to be with me. He was from a very wealthy family and worked for his Dad and his Dad didn't exactly approve of us anyway."

"Well it's his loss Bella. You're the most wonderful person I know. And it doesn't matter…money that is. Not to me." I said as I stroked her hair back from her face.

"You know it used to bother me. I'll be honest it took me a while to get over him. But…" She looked down and bit her lip again and I lifted her chin with my finger to bring her beautiful eyes back to mine.

"But what _Liefje_."

"But even though I dated him for three years it pales in comparison to what I feel for you." She whispered.

And in that moment all my fears, all my worries, were swept away by those few words and her eyes burning into mine.

I didn't have to fear Alec. I didn't have to worry about us being together in secret. I didn't have to worry about _us_ at all.

This was it for both of us. She all but confirmed it in that moment.

I took her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers in a deep passionate kiss. I wanted her to feel the intensity of my feelings for her. I wanted her to know just how much her words meant to me.

She pulled away and ran her hand down my face and I closed my eyes into her touch and eventually reopened them.

"I feel the same way Bella. And I won't ever feel this way about anyone else." I murmured as I stared into her eyes. "I love you."

Her breath hitched and she gave me another searing kiss. "I love you too Edward. So much."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to my body. _This_ was where I was supposed to be. _She_ was everything to me. And I needed to realize that nothing or no one would come between us now. I wouldn't let it happen.

I lay there and stroked her hair and felt lighter than I had all night. But I thought about what she told me and wanted to let her know that I wasn't unaware of her feelings. It wasn't that I was glad for her pain. I wasn't. But I wanted her to know that I understood.

"I'm sorry…that you had to go through that _Liefje_."

"It's okay. I don't feel anything for him anymore." She sighed and burrowed her head into my chest. I could tell she didn't love him—at least not anymore. But I was still somewhat curious about this foolish man. Thankful, but curious as to how someone could ever let her go.

I cleared my throat as I asked her my last question.

"What was his last name?" I asked tentatively.

"Masen. Alec Masen." She mumbled as she was drifting off to sleep.

But my body instantly went rigid and my mind started racing.

Alec _Masen._

Alec was Alec _Masen_?

Oh shit.

 **XXXX**


	17. Chapter 17: Brick by Brick

**Chapter 17: Brick by Brick**

 ** _"_** ** _Come As You Are" by Nirvana_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

 _"_ _Dude. Why aren't you coming with us tonight?" Eric ribbed his buddy Alec._

 _"_ _I told you, I have a date."_

 _"_ _Oh that's right. With that young mighty fine thing you picked up in SoHo." Eric snickered._

 _"_ _Seriously man. Fucking shut up about her." Alec eyed him._

 _I sipped my beer and laughed at their interaction._

 _Eric turned to look at me. "You're going out with Claire tonight too. What the fuck you pansies, it's the Fourth. We're supposed to be boozing it up and hitting the parties out here." Eric bent over to take his shot at the ten ball._

 _"_ _You're just pissed because we're guaranteed to get laid tonight." I ribbed him._

 _"_ _Fuck off E." Eric shot me a look but I could see him smirking. He would never begrudge a brother. He was just pissed we couldn't be his wingmen tonight. I assured Claire that I would go to the big Whitney shindig up on the north side of the island and apparently Alec was dating some new girl he was really into. We were just killing some time shooting pool at my parents' place in the Hamptons this afternoon since it was raining outside and we couldn't hit the beach._

 _"_ _So tell me about this new girl Mase. Where are you going tonight?" I didn't know Alec very well, but we had hung out a few more times this summer. He seemed like a pretty cool guy._

 _"_ _Her Dad's place in Brooklyn." He said nervously._

 _"_ _She's a cop's daughter." Eric snickered. "Apparently a smoking hot cop's daughter. I bet she could kick Mase's ass. And now he has to meet her cop Dad and her cop brother too."_

 _Alec tried to punch Eric in the shoulder but he dove out of the way. Mijn Broer, always the instigator._

 _"_ _Seriously man, cut that shit out, we've only been dating for a couple of months." Alec was getting defensive and I just chuckled and shook my head._

 _"_ _Yeah but you're already fucking whipped man."_

 _Alec went to smack him again and Eric threw his hands up laughing._

 _"_ _I know, I know man, she's 'gorgeous and you think she's the love of your life'." He taunted in a high voice._

 _Alec elbowed him anyway. "Whatever Cullen. Get out the way so I can kick your ass at pool now."_

I looked down at the treadmill. The sweat was pouring off of me as I pounded out the last mile of my five mile run. I had become a gym rat in New York as much as I was in Romania. It was now my time to think about all the connections in our case and wrack my brain for any possible fact I could think of.

Especially the potential connections to Bella.

So there I was, on the treadmill again, as I had been every day for the past month. Sorting through facts. Building this investigation brick by brick and piece by piece in my mind.

And the ones that kept coming to the forefront of my mind were all of my interactions with Alec Masen.

I was still astonished that she dated Alec Masen. It was like the final nail in the coffin. She knew something, even if she didn't realize what the something was yet. I knew that this all came back to Masen somehow. There was no more coincidence.

I didn't like the fact that she dated Masen. It wasn't because he was a bad guy, it wasn't because his father's company was listed as the contractor on _all_ of the Buxton Group projects as I had found out in the last month.

No. It was because every God damn memory that I had of Alec mentioning "the smoking hot cop's daughter", "the gorgeous girl he met in SoHo", the "girl he was head over heels for", the "love of his life" as he once told me made me want to punch a fucking wall.

Combining the few memories I had of Alec with the inscription I saw in the book he gave Bella made me….something.

 _You're jealous Cullen._

I ignored the little voice in my head but I knew it was right. I _was_ jealous. I didn't feel that way about Jacob or James because I knew she despised them. I knew I shouldn't feel this way. I had relationships in the past, but I definitely never felt like Alec obviously did for her about any of the women I dated—even Claire. It was insanely wrong of me to feel this way about a relationship that ended almost eleven years ago, but I hated that someone else could have been that to her except for me.

The night of the fundraiser, after she told me his name I had jumped out of bed and began pacing incoherently. Bella had almost been asleep and was instantly concerned. Finally in a barrage of statements I told her about how I found the book, how he knew Eric and that Masen Industries was linked to our investigation.

She was astonished to say the least.

She never knew him to be involved in anything like that. And at the same time she assured me that he had given her the book for her 22nd birthday and she merely took it to work with her, but never used it. I knew she didn't care for him anymore and she assured me of that as well. But her relationship with Alec still made me jealous, because at one point in time she obviously felt a lot for him—loved him even—and he obviously loved her. And something about the connections with her and the whole situation just didn't sit right with me.

Other than his apparent claim of cheating on her—which made me want to kill him by the way—he had been her everything at one point. And for that reason it truly made me suspicious about why he left. If he cared so much for her, how could he just take off and not say a word for eleven years? It was all suspect and I couldn't quite fit the pieces together, build the bridge or whatever it was I was trying to do. She mentioned that he had issues with his Dad and his job, but she never knew exactly what he did. I just knew that somehow all the people connected to Bella were related by _something_. And it had to do with Masen.

 _But what the fuck is it?_

I slammed the stop button as I hit five miles and grabbed my towel. I looked in the mirror at my bare chest drenched in sweat. My time on the treadmill was my time to think. And I did it because it was away from Bella, so I didn't burden her with any more of this. She was already worried about the connections and the flowers she was receiving.

 _Then there were those God damn flowers too._

But other than that, everything else about the last two months had been otherwise damn near perfect.

My nights were perfect.

Bella was perfect.

I still couldn't believe how much I could feel for someone, how much my body and my soul called to hers in every way. Every time I left her I felt a hole, deep inside my chest. And every time I returned it was immediately filled. I wasn't sure what I was going to do yet. I knew I wanted to be done with undercover work. I all but decided that on the Fourth of July. But now, after spending the last two months with my Bella, _Mijn Zon_ , _Mijn Lief,_ I knew I couldn't walk away from her. I knew I wanted a life with her and in the open. I could stay on with the FBI in several capacities. But I hadn't made up my mind yet. I just knew I had to be with her.

Which was why I tried to separate my time at work and my time with her while I was still undercover.

It was now mid-August and the investigation was going exceedingly well. We were in and making connections much sooner than we thought. I had easily introduced Emmett into the fold and although he had yet to get an offer, we were definitely getting in with the right people. Not to mention, I only had one assignment in the last month and _that_ made me ecstatic.

The three of us had been to the club on numerous occasions. We tracked buyers, sellers, traders. Tanya had given the analysts more names to work with than we thought possible. I hung out with Felix and worked out and spent my spare time researching and keeping my eyes open for anything peculiar. Seth was still climbing the ranks with the drug operation he was working in. Emmett was "running" his entrepreneurship and joining me at the gym and the club whenever he could. He had even had a few "meetings" with some of the lower level Dracs. I suspected that they were testing the waters before any big players were introduced. But nonetheless we were making progress.

Now we were just waiting for that one big break—that one thing that really sets the wheel in motion.

I could feel that it was coming. I just didn't know when. It was as I suspected, the big pieces were there—the curtains. But now we needed the break to find out just what was behind the curtains, the one piece of string that would unravel the whole ball.

I quickly went home and showered and shaved. It was Monday, August 8 and officially two months into our mission in New York. I realized when I left Bella's apartment this morning that it was also exactly two months since the first night I truly met her, the night we made dinner at Jasper and Alice's place.

To say that she was everything I wanted and more was a severe understatement. She's strong, passionate, caring, and sexy.

God she's sexy.

But not in the overt runway model kind of way. She's sexy because she doesn't know it. She's natural and comfortable with herself and her surroundings. She's just as fine in a Yankees tee—which is fucking hot on her by the way—as she is in a ball gown like she wore the night of the fundraiser.

 _Jesus that was just…_

After that night I found myself unable to keep my hands off her—not that I really did before. But I had never experienced something so powerful with a woman. I definitely never felt this way about Claire. We had a decent sex life but nothing to write home about. I just assumed that you got in a groove when you were in a long term relationship. Sure we did some fun things but never anything as hot or intense as even half of the things Bella and I did.

I never would have fucked Claire in her office, that's for sure. She would have been too worried about her hair getting messed up or someone walking in.

But not Bella.

The way Bella could just look at me from across the room, or sway her hips in a certain way, or have a certain tone in her voice and every cell of my body would light on fire and I would almost have to take her at that moment. I was…insatiable. And so was she. And to be wanted so much on such a basic level was indescribable.

Fuck I was getting hard just thinking about it.

But at the same time her love and her comforting words were equally as powerful. When I did have a bad night, like after the one assignment I had to complete this month, she always knew just what to say and how to react. She didn't prod me or ask questions. She simply hugged me fiercely and looked at me with such compassion it almost took my breath away.

Most importantly, she made _feel_ again. Feel love, feel passion, feel excitement, feel…happy.

I couldn't remember the last time I laughed, or teased someone, or just talked before I met Bella.

I pulled myself out of my reverie as I slipped on my shirt and jeans. Today I was going to follow up on some shipments that came in through Brooklyn. I finally had a laptop that was set to destruct if I needed it to. Nonetheless I would take it to a coffee shop or somewhere that had free Wi-fi so that I didn't have an IP address at the apartment.

The U.S. Customs site tracked every shipment that came in through the port. And I had access to the site so that I could see when different shipments were scheduled to come in and compare them to the ones that we actually saw.

So far everything was on the up and up. Seth and I had been to two more Saturday night shipments. Although they always came in at the strange hour of 2:00 A.M., they were registered on the site. I just couldn't help but think that they were still getting around it. But we weren't going to bust them at this stage. The potential for where the shipments led to had too much upside. So we waited.

In the meantime, I flagged any shipment that came in through Van Rijn, as well as any foreign shipments for Masen industries and Reycon. We found out that the Buxton Group was largely a front for all the projects. None of the men really had any control. The company was backed by a private financier, someone off-shore, that we weren't able to trace yet.

More importantly it seemed that each of the players weren't exactly friends. In fact they were far from it. Bella's suspicions that Phil Dwyer was in over his head with gambling debts was spot in. He was over his head to the tune of two hundred thousand dollars. And several of the other members had similar debts. Whether it was the brothers that put them up to fronting the Group or the "someone bigger" that Caius mentioned, we didn't know yet. But Buxton was clearly a tool.

I left the apartment and walked to a coffee shop about eight blocks away. I looked the part of a college student or a freelance writer in a hooded sweatshirt with a messenger bag.

I sat down and pulled up the Customs site. Van Rijn brought in a shipment again on Saturday night. It appeared to be mostly steel. Of course Clearwater and I staked it out again and it was definitely more than steel. Not only did we see "handlers" there as well as some of the drug pushers. But also, we saw a mass of crates which were unmarked.

Guns.

Lots of guns.

Seth was hoping he would be able to get in on a shipment soon. Even if he was only able to come in and move the drugs he wanted to be able to see it first hand.

We also found out in the last month that it was likely his brother-in-law, Jacob, owed the Dracs money. We determined that someone from the Dracs paid off his debt and in return he was helping the police officers "overlook" exactly what was going on at the shipyards and with several of the drug rings in the area.

It made sense. And it explained a lot about seeing him at the bar the night of my first assignment. But I still wasn't sure how he connected to Bella or if his connection even mattered. The analysts were looking into the potential that Jacob was connected to Phil, the closest likely link. But either way, he was in over his head and I knew Seth was worried.

I perused the site some more and then brought up the latest news feed. I had begun to start checking all of the regional papers and business magazines.

I stumbled across a site for entrepreneurs and financial planners when something caught my eye.

 _Lividol finally approved. Reycon bounce back in order?_

I looked at the date from the article and it was noted as 2003. I knew Reycon took a major hit after the Towers went down. Its corporate headquarters had been obliterated and nearly 30% of its employees perished. My father had some trying years as an executive right after 9/11 in helping rebuild the company, not to mention dealing with the loss on so many other levels.

I had been searching Reycon, Van Rijn, Masen and Buxton under each site looking for any sort of link I could fine. Something about the article struck me and I read on.

 _"_ _Reycon Pharmaceutical, one of many companies devastated by the 9/11 attacks, is looking to make a comeback. Its newest drug, Lividol is expected to be used in vaccinations for Anthrax. Reycon may bring in over three hundred million in revenue from the drug, effectively putting the company back on the map."_

I remembered this drug. My father spent countless hours at the office working to get it approved by the FDA and eventually into doctor's offices. It was truly one of the cornerstones of his career. But he had warned frequently that over vaccination with the drug could make it ineffective. It was only to be used for people who were truly a risk of handling Anthrax.

Suddenly I thought of something.

If Reycon developed a vaccine for Anthrax, then it had to have a significant amount of Anthrax on hand to develop it.

I needed to talk to my father again and find out just how _much_ Anthrax and who would have access to it. I knew they had a very secure facility in Pennsylvania. Some of the best chemists in the world worked for Reycon and only very high level people had access to the information and product that went through its facilities. My father was one of them. In fact as the head of Research he likely had to approve the use of any.

I shut down my computer and looked at the time. It was almost four in the afternoon and I was planning to meet Clearwater tonight for a beer and talk to him about the latest shipment. But until then I needed to kill some time. I had gotten so used to spending my nights with Bella, and my weekends, that I found myself often bored during the week. Tonight though I couldn't meet her for dinner, and she was concerned that her other friends were starting to think something was going on with her so she was meeting them for happy hour. Because we spent as much of her free time together, she hadn't seen them as much in a month and they were suspicious.

Knowing my sister, I'm sure she was grilling Bella about anything and everything. Nonetheless, I would still go to her place tonight, as I did every night.

I hadn't slept well in years, but once I was in her bed and had her in my arms it was as if I could sleep for days.

I walked out of the coffee shop and pulled up the hood over my head. It was lightly drizzling and a bit bleary outside so I put my head down and sped for home.

Just as I was taking the back alley a few blocks from my place I stopped.

Standing in the alley was Demitri and across from him was Alec Masen.

I quickly ducked into an overhang and shuffled silently along the side of the building. Luckily with the rain and the shadows in the alley they couldn't see me. I knew I had to be careful. Demitri knew me from the club, but Masen would know me as something else. I wasn't sure if he knew I was in the FBI since I hadn't seen him after Eric's death. But if he was connected to the Dracs I couldn't risk it.

Still I wanted to hear what they were talking about. I dropped my messenger bag behind a dumpster. I could come back for it if I needed to and I slipped along uninhibited.

"Have you seen her? Do you know for sure? You know the boss won't risk that. Especially with her connections." Demitri said between puffs. They were standing outside of a shoddy Italian restaurant, seemingly under an overhang and in the quiet of the alley. Out of the auspices of other's hearing.

Except for mine.

"I told you she doesn't know anything and she doesn't mean anything to me anyway." Alec squinted his eyes at him as he blew out his smoke.

Demitri let out a dark laugh and took a long drag.

"Yeah the fuck right. Well apparently she's over you anyway." Alec flinched but he just stood there with his arms crossed and glaring at him.

He clenched his teeth and blew smoke down his nose as he stared at him. "I said it's fucking over. It's nothing. It was forever ago. End of story."

"And you're sure about that? You know we can't risk it, especially with PD not cooperating now." Demitri said.

My mind was running as I listened to their conversation. PD? Who were they talking about? And she? They couldn't be talking about Bella…could they?

I instantly crept closer, desperate for more information.

"I said its nothing. Besides, you found me remember. I told you I don't need this shit, I didn't want anything to do with it eleven years ago and I don't now. I'll sell my shares, I'll do whatever I have to but I am fucking done when this is over."

Demitri threw his smoke down and stepped up to Alec's face. I could tell Alec was nervous but he was trying to stand his ground. Demitri was an intimidating fucker though and dangerous as hell and he knew it.

"Oh, I don't know about that. I wouldn't try to disappear again if I were you. And besides, I'll find you. And it won't end well the next time they send me after you."

They? The brothers? Disappear?

 _What the fuck?_

Alec stepped right up in his face this time.

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a guarantee." Demitri spat back with steely eyes.

"Well thanks for the warning, _brother_." Alec sneered.

Brother?

What. The. Fuck?

They both eyed each other when finally Alec stepped back and stepped on his cigarette as well. He spun around and flung the door open and slammed it as he went back inside.

Demitri laughed evilly and lit up another smoke as he tossed the match aside. He shook his head and then pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

My heart was racing as I stood there thinking through everything. Could they have possibly been talking about Bella? And what did she know? I had to ask her more about Demitri.

And why was Masen back? Someone wanted him to sell his shares in his father's company?

And why the fuck did Demitri call him brother? They didn't look anything alike; they couldn't possibly be related could they?

I was interrupted by the sound of Demitri's voice. He was talking in Romanian to someone as his eyes glanced back at the door and then quickly down the alley. I sunk further against the wall as I listened to his side of the conversation.

"Da. He'll come around. I don't think she's an issue. Keep JR on it though."

"What do you mean?

"Fuck."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll look into it."

"PD is on his last straw."

"Da."

"I can do it." He growled.

"Whatever."

He angrily hung up the call and tossed his butt. Then he stopped and he looked down the alley again. He looked right toward where I was standing in the shadow and I held my breath.

He glanced back the other way and then finally shrugged and stepped back inside.

I let out my breath and waited a moment in case he came back outside. Slowly I edged back along the wall and retrieved my messenger bag. I hurriedly crept out of the alley and took a different route to my place.

I dropped my bag as soon as I was in the door and began pacing.

How did this all fit? And who was the woman and JR and PD? I lapped my apartment four times before something suddenly struck me.

Eleven years ago.

Alec left eleven years ago.

Alec left Bella eleven years ago.

Oh fuck. She does know something. She knows something even if to her it doesn't mean anything. She saw or heard something. I was sure of it now.

I paced some more when I realized that I had to meet Clearwater and I quickly changed again into a black t-shirt, hat and jacket.

I walked from the apartment still ruminating over the conversation I witnessed. I knew now I needed to figure out if Masen and Demitri were related, if they could possibly be talking about Bella and who the other persons were they mentioned.

The bar on the Lower East Side was quiet as it was a Monday night. I stepped in and ordered a Guinness and waited in a booth for Clearwater. I needed to go over this with him. I needed to talk to him about this.

Five minutes later Seth walked in and spotted me. He grabbed a beer as well and sat down across from me as he eyed the place. We were only two of six people in the bar, but we still had to be careful.

I quickly nodded at him and looked around.

"I've got some information." I said quietly.

He looked at me perplexed and sipped his beer.

I immediately told him about the conversation I saw between Alec and Demitri. Seth's eyes went wide as I told him about all of the different pieces, what they said and how they could fit with what we knew already.

Seth closed his eyes and set his jaw.

"Fuck."

"What?" I asked.

"I think it's gotta be Bella."

My throat constricted and I swallowed thickly.

"Why?"

"The names." He looked around again before he leaned forward. "I just got back from a meet with one of the honchos in Brooklyn. They're planning a shipment of coke through the port on Saturday. But they said they were having problems with one of the covers and didn't know if they wanted to use the complex site that night. They were concerned someone might tip it."

"You mean someone from Buxton."

"PD. Think about it."

Suddenly it dawned on me. "Phil Dwyer. Fuck." I muttered. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"So you think Dwyer wants out?"

Seth shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe he's saying that to get something out of them, I don't know. I know he owes a lot of people a lot of money so I don't see what his bargaining chip could be…" He trailed off.

"Unless…" His eyes went wide and he looked at me.

Motherfucker.

Bella.

I shot up out of my booth that second.

"Where are you going?" Seth hissed.

"I have to go see her. She could be in danger or…" I pulled at the hair that was peeking out from under my hat, since I couldn't pull at it all at the moment.

"Do you think that's a good idea? You might scare her or be getting too worked up. Take a breath." He said.

How was he so fucking calm? She was like a sister to him…

"E. Take. A. Breath." He said calmly as he looked around the bar.

I realized then that my face was on fire and I was clenching my hand at my sides and not breathing. Suddenly I gasped as I inhaled and then let it back out slowly.

"I have to know." I looked at him intently.

He nodded. "Fine. Then I'm coming with you. I'll meet you there in an hour. But you need to get your shit together before we get there."

 _How was he so smart?_

I nodded again and quickly left the bar. Everything from this afternoon was running through my head. Was this a big break? It could be, but what could it mean? How much could she really know and not realize?

I sidetracked and backtracked and finally made my way to her building. It was still light out and I hadn't gone in the front door in a while so I decided to buzz Emmett. I hoped he was home.

He was and in minutes I was inside and on the elevator up to their floor. I knew she probably wasn't home yet so knocked at Emmett's and went in. I filled him in on what I saw and he was as perplexed as I was. Soon after I arrived Seth was there. The three of us sat down and discussed the new information.

"So you think PD is Phil Dwyer. Then do you think they somehow had Raven date her to get close to her?" He asked.

"Raven?" We had only seen him once in last month and it was a few weeks after I beat the shit out of him outside Bella's building. He hadn't stopped by again and I doubted he would.

"JR? You said that they were talking about keeping JR on it?"

"Fuck." I mumbled. It made sense. Whatever she knew, whether related to Alec or Phil, they must have had James Raven get close to her on purpose. I knew she was going to be pissed about this. I didn't like that she had been with him, not one bit. But it made me even more angry to think that he used her like that.

Suddenly I heard a door shut across the hall and I looked at Emmett.

"Keep your shit together E. We need to figure this out. It could be a big break."

I nodded and stepped out to go to Bella's.

I knocked on the door and she opened it and smiled widely.

"Hey!" She stepped back to let me inside and I was instantly more at ease now that I was in her place, with her safe and near me.

I pulled her into my arms as soon as she shut the door behind me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Her voice instantly became concerned and she put her hands on my face.

"We need to talk. I saw something today and…Bella, I'm just worried."

"Okay. Come here. Let's sit on the couch."

I followed her into the apartment and noticed that she was eyeing me closely. I sat down on the couch and pulled her to me just feeling her hands in mine. I furrowed my brow and took a deep breath.

"Bella I saw Alec Masen today."

She gasped. "Oh." She said and then dropped her eyes to her hands.

The apartment was eerily still and silent. And for the first time, I was uncomfortable.

"Bella, what is it?"

She sighed and shook her head. She bit her lip until she looked back up at me. "I knew he was back, I just didn't want to think that he could be involved in all this."

Knew he was back? How?

"Did you see him?" I asked. I couldn't decide whether I should be pissed or worried or both.

She sighed again and ran her hand through her hair.

"Yes. When my mother and I went to dinner. It was the night James showed up here…" She trailed off, but I just stared at her intently.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I said.

"Because everything happened with James that night and we hadn't discussed him yet. And you got so upset when I told you I dated him." She said quickly.

I stepped up from the couch and instantly began pacing.

"Bella, I needed to know. I need to know everything about him. Do you know why I was so upset? Because I think it means everything is connected to you by him." I ranted.

Her eyes were wide at my abrupt outburst, but I couldn't stop the anger, fear and hurt that was pouring out of me. I had been so good at hiding it from her, my concerns over this connection. But now it was all coming to a head.

Finally I stopped.

"Where did you see him?" I asked again.

"At the restaurant." She said quietly.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn't know if it was the fear or the jealously that was driving this reaction. But she had to know that he was dangerous and couldn't be trusted, even if they dated for three fucking years and he never was anything but good to her.

 _Ugh._

"What did he say?" I finally asked.

"Nothing really." She shook her head and stood up from the couch as she rung her hands. "Edward, he was at the Chinese place that we used to go to and I blew him off. I gave him my bitch brow and let him know that I was pissed at him. In fact he was standing there when I talked to you on the phone and I jumped in the cab without giving him the time of day."

I sighed. I was being irrational. But not over my fear for her safety. I needed to get the jealous response in me under control. I needed to tell her why he was dangerous and why I was so concerned.

"Bella. That's not all. Do you know who I saw him with today?"

She shook her head and I turned to look right into her eyes.

"Bella, he was with Demitri…and he called him his brother."

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _Bella Swan_**

"Good morning Maggie." I said as I walked through the front office and then made my way to the back.

"Good morning Bella." She called after me. I smiled and hummed as I stepped along. Edward and I had spent most of the weekend holed up in my apartment.

Well except for Friday night.

I smiled wickedly to myself. Oh yes, that was just…unbelievable.

I quickly set up my laptop and filled myself a cup of coffee as I sat down to check my emails.

The last month had been incredible. He was incredible.

I was afraid that I would get tired of living the double life. And I had to admit that it was hard living the double life. But it was also thrilling, and adventurous and exciting at the same time.

My friends started to become suspicious about what was going on. But I shrugged it off as much as I could. I knew that they were curious and so I decided tonight I needed to go to happy hour with them and catch up. I really couldn't be holed up with Edward all the time.

Even if we did have our rare and insanely hot outings.

Oh the bar was just…

I started to think about our tryst on Friday when I heard a knock at the door. Unfortunately I was snapped out of my reverie by the rapping. I knew what was coming. It was the same thing that came every Monday for the last two months.

 _Here we go again._

Maggie walked in with a big smile on her face, this time with a bouquet of pink roses.

Fucking great. Roses this time. Really?

I sighed and shook my head and Maggie just giggled. I knew my interns were having a field day with this and everyone else I worked with thought I had a secret admirer.

Little did they know.

But the problem was these weren't from my secret lover. They were from someone annoying and refusing to out themselves and it was starting to piss me off.

I grabbed the card as Maggie closed the door.

 _Pink Rose_

As I had done for the last month I pulled up the website with the meanings and scrolled through it until I reached Pink Rose.

 _Pink Rose- I love you still and always will._

Awesome. What the hell does that mean?

I sighed again and shook my head. I was pretty convinced this was my interns. I would likely find out when they ended their internships in only a couple of weeks. If the flowers stopped, then I would know it was one of them.

Edward was worried about it, especially after we figured out how connected I was with so many people in his investigation. But none of the flowers were messages of danger or even deranged messages. They were all about love and longing.

I opened my desk drawer and retrieved the stack of cards from the top. I unbound them as I looked at the ones from the last month. I had taken to writing the meaning and the date on each card after I received them. I was hoping eventually we would find a pattern or a clue. But right now they held nothing.

Nevertheless I flipped through the stack.

 _White periwinkle- Pleasures of Memory- July 12_

 _Absinthe- Separation and Torment of Love- July 19_

 _Asphodel- Langour and regret- July 26_

 _Mauve Lilac- Do you still love me? – August_ 1

And now:

 _Pink Roses- I love you still and always will- August 8_

I picked up the roses and walked them over to my side table. I set them on the table next to the bowl that I received the week after the fundraiser. It came in a strange package without a return address. When I asked Maggie about it the following Monday she said that it was simply in the intake box on Saturday morning so she set it in my office.

I figured it was probably one of those free gifts that we often received for our events. Whenever we had a large event like the fundraiser we were comped gifts for our use of particular brands. We had used numerous crystal display pieces in showcasing some of the new exhibits by the company that made the bowl. It was free advertising for them so I figured they sent the bowl as a thank you.

I went about my day working on some new press releases and reviewing the work of the interns. Seeing as they only had two more weeks as interns, we were now starting to figure out who had the potential to offer a job in the spring.

I knew I should be focused on my task. But as I read and marked and made changes I couldn't help but let my mind wander over the last month.

When I told Edward about Alec, he certainly didn't react as I suspected. He said Alec was friends with his brother and he knew him. I definitely didn't expect that. And then he said that Masen Industries was involved with all of the other players and my heart almost stopped beating.

I might have been pissed at Alec and how he left, but I never thought he was involved in something illegal. Edward was convinced that whatever connected me to the investigation ran through Alec, but I couldn't see it. For that reason, I racked my brain over the last month for something I might have seen or heard and I simply couldn't place it.

I also thought Edward was jealous, which he had no reason to be. But when he told me he saw the inscription in the book, I could understand how he might feel that way. I truly forgot I had the book. I took it to work with me and after he left I never touched it again. It simply got moved with each of my office changes, when I got my first full-time position and then kept moving up the ranks.

Nonetheless I knew he was suspicious. But I could tell in his demeanor that he was trying to separate the investigation from his time with me.

He was trying to protect me. I knew it. I knew he was worried, but it also made me feel a bit helpless in the whole situation and feel like there was something more I could do.

Even so, the month had been great. We spent nearly every night together. Even nights when he had to stay out late. He would slip in to my place and sleep with me until I woke at dawn. He was so warm, and so comforting. But I could feel his pressing need to fix things, to figure everything out. He truly was strong-willed and relentless as the meaning of his tattoo stated.

And God was he passionate.

I had never felt the kind of desire as I did when I was with him. It was primal and needy and as basic as eating or drinking. And he could make my body sing and soar with pleasure like no one ever had. It was truly like we were made for one another.

The way we had become so close in the last month, after we declared our love for each other made me start thinking about more. I couldn't help it. I had thoughts of getting married, and having kids and buying a new place. My brain ran rampant with possibilities. But then I would force myself to pull back. We were still secret. We had only been together for a short time, a couple months.

And most importantly I didn't know what his plans were for after his mission. He had said he was going to be done. But I wasn't exactly sure what that meant: with undercover, with investigations, with being in the field or with the FBI altogether? I didn't know. And I knew that we had some serious conversations to cover before I could let my brain go to all those other things.

Regardless I couldn't deny how much I loved him, how much he completed me and how alive I felt when I was with him.

And dear God did he make me feel alive on Friday night.

I put my pen between my lips and let my brain go back to Friday night…

 _I slipped on my Yankees tee and pulled my hair into a ponytail along with a pair of skinny jeans and my chucks._

 _I was going to the Yankees game with Kate tonight and we were simply planning to grab some beers on the way home. After the game we made our way to a pub not too far from the Red Line and Columbia. It was pretty much a college hangout and there were quite a few kids there even though it was summer time. But it was a Friday night. I had told Edward where we were planning to stop for a drink and that I would meet him at my place later._

 _Kate had to be up early for work so we were just going to have one drink. The bar was one of those few old bars in New York where it was dark and musty with beer. It still smelled like smoke even though the city had been no smoking for a few years. The wood was worn and so were the chairs, but it was entirely the kind of place that I would have gone to in Brooklyn._

 _Kate and I sat down and caught up on work and her job and Garrett. She seemed to be as into him as I was with Edward. As we sat at the bar I spotted something out of the corner of my eye._

 _That's odd. Why would he come here?_

 _A mop of disheveled and positively sexy bronze hair sat at the end of the bar. I watched as one perfectly muscled arm raised its glass to a pair of perfectly pink lips and I licked mine in response._

 _I was a bit tipsy from our beers at the game and now at the bar, so I didn't look away when I met his piercing jade eyes._

 _He didn't look surprised or smile, or smirk, or look away. He just raked over me with hooded eyes. It was a look I had become all too accustomed to. And my body instantly reacted to that gaze. Heat swept over my cheeks and down my chest, straight to my core._

 _Fuck._

 _I closed my eyes and reopened them again only to find that he was no longer sitting there. I looked around to see where he went when Kate said something to me._

 _"_ _Bell I better go. I have to work in the morning. We have a big press conference tomorrow and I better not be hung over." She said as she finished her beer. "Do you want to catch a cab together?"_

 _I looked past her and saw that he was now standing by the old juke box in the corner. One arm was leisurely propped on the top as he held his beer in his other hand. His black t-shirt was like second skin on his body and his worn jeans hung perfectly from his spectacular ass and legs._

 _Fuck._

 _"_ _Bell?"_

 _"_ _Huh." I pulled my head away and looked back at her, trying to take my eyes from my Apollo before me._

 _"_ _I said do you want to catch a cab together?" She looked at me quizzically._

 _I licked my lips again and glanced from her to my Apollo and back._

 _"_ _Actually, I think I might have one more beer. I don't have to be to Brooklyn until 10:00 tomorrow." I said._

 _"_ _Okay. But be careful getting home okay. Call a cab before you go outside."_

 _I nodded and hugged her._

 _"_ _It was great to see you Katie. I'm glad we were able to take in a game. Have fun with Garrett tonight." I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed._

 _"_ _How did you know?" I shrugged and she giggled, strangely out of character for Kate._

 _"_ _Oh trust me, I just know." I said as I glanced back to my Apollo who was still shuffling through the songs intently._

 _We said good-bye and I grabbed my beer from the bar and began to walk over to him. It was like it always was with him, my heartbeat instantly began thumping and I felt like an electrical energy surrounded me prompting me forward._

 _Suddenly a girl in a short denim skirt walked up to him, twisting her hair on her finger and eyeing him coyly._

 _Oh no you don't._

 _Mine._

 _I had never been the possessive or jealous type, but my Apollo brought out the baser side of me._

 _I saw him say something to her and her face dropped and I couldn't help the smirk that crossed my face. She turned and sulked away and I smiled wryly to myself._

 _I put my shoulders back and slowly moved forward. I stepped up beside him, without looking at him and eyed the songs he was flipping through. I knew he could tell I was next to him._

 _"_ _Jimi?" I said lowly and he took a sip of his beer as he flipped through the songs._

 _"_ _Hmmm. I always preferred his guitar solos to any others." He said in a low raspy voice that sent shivers down my body._

 _"_ _Even more than Zeppelin? You know they say 'Stairway to Heaven' is the best of all time." I stated as I continued to stare at the juke box._

 _"_ _Zeppelin fan are you?" He said and I could feel his eyes on me, burning me just like they always did._

 _"_ _Of course. Who isn't?" I said coyly finally looking at him. What I found were two boiling pools of jade and his look shot a tingling sensation straight to my center._

 _I swallowed thickly and stepped closer to him, pretending as though I was going to touch him. But instead I reached past him and pressed the button to the next disc._

 _I could feel his chest heaving and his strong muscles were only inches from me. I took a deep breath, pulling in his scent._

 _Oh his scent. Clean and fresh and pure man—pure Apollo. It sent another wave of desire racing through my body._

 _"_ _Hmmm. So who do you prefer between Jimi and Janice?" I asked as pressed the button to play "Cry baby" by Janice Joplin._

 _The song crackled through the old speakers and her throaty voice echoed throughout the bar. I closed my eyes and began to sway to the sound. I could feel him so close to me, not touching but yet feeling every heartbeat, every movement and every beat of his pulse under my skin._

 _I opened my eyes and saw his eyes were hooded and now raking over my body. He might as well have been touching me it was so powerful._

 _"_ _You just spent my money on the song. Are you going to pay me back?" He finally said._

 _I bit my lip, entirely caught by his intense demeanor. My nipples puckered under my thin t-shirt as he swept his gaze over me and I saw his eyes darken in response._

 _"_ _But I don't have any cash, how ever will I pay you?" I said breathily repeating a line from an afternoon not so long ago._

 _He pretended to think for a moment and I could see the fierce grip he had on the edge of the jukebox. Finally he pursed his lips and stepped right next to me. My breath caught as I looked up at him. His rippled chest was evident through his black t-shirt and his tattoo was peeking out of the edge._

 _Fuck._

 _He bent down to whisper in my ear. He still wasn't touching me, but he was only a fraction of an inch away._

 _"_ _Meet me in the bathroom and I'll show you." He said roughly._

 _Then he looked at me and is eyes flashed with a wicked gleam and a shudder ran through my body._

 _I think I even moaned. He wanted to…here? Oh fuck._

 _The thought made me want him so badly in that moment I was sure the throbbing in my core could be heard by everyone in the bar._

 _He stepped aside and his elbow brushed ever so slightly over my breasts causing me to gasp again._

 _God how could he turn me on like that? It wouldn't have mattered if there were a hundred people in the bar; I would have let him take me right across the mahogany._

 _But some small semblance of sanity told me he couldn't do that I needed to get my ass to the bathroom._

 _I took a deep breath and glanced around to see if anyone was watching me. I stealthily, well as stealthily as I could walk, crept my way toward the back. I was standing outside the women's restroom. The door was directly across from the men's when suddenly I was being yanked backwards._

 _A rippling sensation instantly fluttered down my arms and up my neck. I felt strong arms around me until I was being spun around and I heard a door slam and a click behind me._

 _The lock._

 _"_ _A Yankees tee…and ponytail?" He rasped as he attacked me. "Jesus Liefje you look so fucking sexy." His hands were all over me, up my sides, gripping my waist and then roughly teasing my nipples through my shirt._

 _I tried to look back at him until he spun me around again and lifted me up on the counter._

 _"_ _It's just a t-shirt." I gasped between heated kisses, his tongue darting to taste my neck, my jaw, the spot below my ear. His hands squeezed my ass tightly, kneading it, working it._

 _"_ _Not just a t-shirt." He said as he ran his hands up over my mounds and traced his finger on my lips._

 _"_ _A fucking tight, thin Yankees t-shirt across your fuckhot tits baby. God what I want to do to you."_

 _I pulled his finger into my mouth and sucked it hard. "So do it. I do owe you afterall you know." I raised my eyebrows at him in challenge._

 _His eyes were black as night and before I knew it he crashed his mouth to mine. I moaned loudly trying to get a hand on him as he pressed himself into me. Our tongues battled voraciously and he was sucking and moaning as he ground into me._

 _"_ _Oh you really shouldn't have said that." He pulled away and licked his tongue up my neck to my ear and nibbled until I felt him bite down._

 _"_ _Ah!" I yelped but immediately clawed at his back and squeezed him to me tighter._

 _I loved it when he was like this—when he just fucking took me, needed me as much as I did him._

 _I ran my hands under his shirt and pinched his nipple and he was the one to growl this time and press into me harder._

 _We were a mess of lips and hands, bites and moans and nails scratching as we moved against one another trying to create some resistance._

 _My mouth locked with his and I pulled his tongue in at the same time that I yanked on his hair. I knew he liked it when I did that, and if it was even possible he grew ridiculously harder against me._

 _"_ _You like that baby. You like my rock hard cock against you." He swiveled his hips and hit me right on my swollen center._

 _"_ _Oh God yes." I grabbed at his hair as our lips and tongues continued to battle but his hands went to my jeans._

 _He made quick work of the buttons on my jeans and before I knew it he was ripping them off me and sliding them down my legs. Then he pulled me off the sink and spun me around before I could remove his. He lifted my shirt so that it was around my shoulders, and pulled my bra down exposing my breasts but pressing them high between the bra and the now bunched up tee._

 _I could see everything in the mirror before me now and the intensity of his eyes, the desire, was so powerful I couldn't look away._

 _He pinched my nipple as his lips descended on my neck once again and I cried out. I instantly threw one arm around his neck holding him to me and the other around his waist as he ground himself into me._

 _He was so fucking hard. I could feel it through his jeans and against my ass through my underwear._

 _God I wanted him inside me._

 _"_ _Do you see how sexy you are Bella? Do you see your perfect breasts and perfect pink nipples that respond only to me?" He rumbled into my neck as his fingers continued their painful torture. I locked my eyes with his, deep brown with boiling jade and bit my lip as one hand stayed on my chest and the other snaked its way down my stomach to my center._

 _I was dying in anticipation, my body like a livewire just waiting to be set off._

 _He ran his fingers over my soaked panties and I moaned loudly and closed my eyes._

 _"_ _No. Watch Schoonheid. I want you watch as I fuck you from behind."_

 _"_ _Oh God." I whimpered and my body trembled in desire._

 _"_ _Hmmm." He skimmed his nose along my jaw, breathing me in and then lightly licking the lobe of my ear as his fingers traced my lower lips. I was writhing in anticipation for him._

 _"_ _Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck you from behind?" He growled into my ear._

 _"_ _Yes, Jesus, yes." I moaned._

 _Oh my God. Sexy, assassin, agent boyfriend talking dirty to me in a bathroom at a bar—does it get any hotter than this?_

 _Before I knew it I felt him shuffle out of his pants—just enough to release himself. He grabbed my arms from around him and placed them on the low counter. Painfully slow he pulled my panties down my legs as I stepped out of them._

 _He pressed his knee between my legs and spread my legs as he ghosted his hands up the sides. I could feel the cool air on my hot center and I opened my mouth in a silent moan at the feeling._

 _"_ _You better hold on tight then Schoonheid." He whispered in my ear._

 _With that he plunged into me and I cried out, my eyes wide as saucers and my mouth open as I stared in the mirror._

 _Oh yes, it can get hotter. It just got infinitely hotter. I felt like I was erupting inside, my limbs tingling and tensing as I took in each of his vigorous thrusts._

 _I gripped the sides of the counter as he bent me slightly over. My breasts were bouncing in the mirror and my ponytail swinging side to side as I braced myself._

 _He ran his hand down my back and up again and wrapped my ponytail around his hand. Then he lifted me slightly so that I was kneeling just barely on the edge of the counter and I could see everything in the mirror._

 _Holy fuck._

 _I was spread, my nipples at attention, my back arched, his one strong arm holding me up and my hair in his other hand. I could see his huge cock driving into me over and over. The sight almost made me come in that second. I had never seen anything as erotic in my life. Until I looked into his eyes and I could see he was watching it too._

 _"_ _You like that? You like me driving into you? Can you feel me, every inch of me inside you?" He rasped as his eyes locked on where we were joined._

 _I moaned loudly._

 _Holy shit._

 _"_ _Oh God yes. Edward, fuck me harder please."_

 _He clenched his jaw and I could see his eyes widening as he looked at me. He raked them over my body as his arm gripped around me tightly and holding me up as he pounded into me. The other arm, which had been wrapped with my ponytail, began to trail down my chest to my center._

 _But before he reached it I grabbed his hand and pressed his palm against where we were joined and rubbed it against my clit and where he was entering me over and over. The increased pressure sent a shot through my body and I cried out._

 _"_ _Oh God! Edward!" Without warning my orgasm ripped through my body and I convulsed violently around him._

 _"_ _That's it Bella. Scream my name. Fuck, do you see how sexy you are as I make you come?" He rumbled into my ear as he watched me in the mirror. My eyes wide, my head back and my mouth open._

 _He released from my hand and grabbed my shoulder as he thrust into me furiously. Then he grabbed my hand with is and pressed it to my clit. I began to circle myself when I shuddered and I realized I was coming again._

 _Holy fuck two orgasms. I had never come twice, one after the other before._

 _"_ _Ah. Oh Edward, Oh Edward!" I clenched impossibly tight around him as my back arched even further and pulled him into me._

 _"_ _Oh Fuck." He roared and I felt him stiffen and then thrust one more time and begin pulsing inside of me._

 _He wrapped both his arms around my middle and pulled me back into him as he steadied and caught his breath._

 _I was gasping and looking at him in the mirror. My face was flushed and dewey and my breasts were still at attention, squeezed between my bra and my t-shirt._

 _Edward lifted his head and began placing gentle kisses up my back and my neck to my jaw. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair and he sighed as at last his mouth met mine._

 _I kissed him tenderly as he wrapped his arms tighter around me and I sagged back into him. I liked it a little rough, but I could tell he was always worried afterwards that he hurt me or pushed it too hard._

 _Far from it._

 _That was just…_

 _"_ _Liefje."_

 _"_ _Hmmm." I mumbled into his kiss as he pulled out of me and spun me around and crushed me to his chest._

 _"_ _God Bella. I'm sorry if I lost control…"_

 _"_ _No." I shook my head fervently and put my fingers over his lips. I lightly traced his lips as I looked up at him under my lashes._

 _"_ _Edward…I like it…I like that you want me so much. I like it when you lose control." I stared into his eyes which were now a soft green and his face broke out into a smile. The wallowing effectively set aside._

 _He pulled me to him again and hummed into my hair as he kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath._

 _"_ _Good, because I seriously don't think I can keep my hands off you—especially if you wear this t-shirt Liefje."_

 _I chuckled into his chest and ran my hands over his biceps._

 _"_ _And I don't want you to. So I think I'll wear this every day then." I kissed him again and he groaned and then put my face in his hands and kissed me powerfully once more._

 _We pulled on our clothes and kept smirking at each other. I had never been one for public affection, but damn if that wasn't the hottest thing I had ever done. A banging sound at the door startled us both and someone shouted from the outside._

 _Edward kissed me and then put his finger over his mouth and nodded towards the window._

 _Was he serious?_

 _He gave me one more quick but searing kiss and before I knew it he was opening the window and slipping through. He winked at me before he took off into the night and I opened the door and stepped outside._

 _"_ _What are you doing in the men's room?" The guy asked._

 _I shrugged. "The line for the women's was long."_

 _I stepped past him and he just shook his head._

 _But I couldn't wipe the shit-eating grin off my face as I hailed a cab to meet Edward at home._

 _And hopefully he would be up for round two. Maybe I would just have to keep this t-shirt on for a while._

I snapped out of my memory from Friday night when I heard a similar banging at my door. I could feel that my face was flushed and my breathing was labored.

I tried to calm myself down and cleared my throat.

"Come in."

"Hey Bell you ready to go?" Jazz popped his head in my office and I must have looked surprised. "You okay?"

"Um." What could I say?

 _No, sorry Jazz I am just trying to pull myself from the fog of basically a wet daydream._

"Yeah. I'm good." I sputtered.

"You sure. You look a little peaked." He frowned.

"I'm fine. Really." I waved my head dismissively and got up to look at the clock. How did it get to be 5:30 already?

I quickly shut down my computer and followed Jazz out to the street as we hailed a cab to take us to the bar in SoHo.

Rosalie was officially moved into her new place after staying with Alice and Jasper for a few weeks and we were going out to celebrate. Emmett couldn't join us because he had a "business deal" that night. In actuality he and Edward decided it might be a good idea for him to limit his time with everyone else so we didn't accidentally say anything.

We walked into the bar and I immediately noticed Jasper's friend Hale there as well.

Cripes, here we go again.

I really wasn't interested. I had someone but I couldn't tell them that.

"Hey Bella!" Alice jumped out of the chair, well jumped as much as she could. Her suspicions had been confirmed and she and Jasper were in fact having twins. Even though she was only fifteen weeks along, she was measuring big because of the twins. The doctors were pretty sure she wouldn't go full term with them since she was so tiny. They would find out soon if it was girls or boys or both.

Nonetheless she was Alice and she was a force of nature.

She hugged me fiercely and I hugged her back. I really needed to be spending more time with my friends.

Rose gave me a hug and a conscious smile. She was in the same position. At least we could commiserate together. The problem was she could go out with Emmett. I couldn't go out with Edward.

I thought back to our conversation the day after the fundraiser. Rose came over in the afternoon while Edward and Emmett hit the gym. She and I discussed how we were going to handle things. She was head over heels for Emmett as well, but equally as worried about him when he was undercover. I had a feeling she would be my lifeline throughout this thing and I hers. Not to mention she would be able to help me think through everything that was happening.

We spent nearly four hours talking over all the possible connections. I told her about Alec and Edward's concern that he was connected as well. But even with all of our brainstorming we couldn't come up with anything. Regardless it was nice to finally have someone to talk to.

"So Bella, have you been seeing someone lately?" Alice asked inquisitively.

I bristled but plastered a smile on my face as Rose gave me a knowing look.

"No Alice. I told you. I'm not really interested after everything…" I trailed off

"Bella." She whined. "You are a young, beautiful, smart, single woman in New York. You need to be out there having some fun."

"Alice I'm perfectly fine thank you." I glanced at Hale who looked at Jazz and just shrugged.

She harrumphed and Jazz put his hand on her shoulder. But then he turned to me and his expression softened. He knew I didn't like to be pressured on dating.

"Oh my Gosh. Bell you will never believe who I saw the other day!" Alice suddenly changed her tune and I braced myself for the next onslaught.

"Who?"

She leaned in and lowered her voice. "Elizabeth Masen. And she told me that Alec is back in town."

It lingered out there but of course it wasn't a surprise to me. I simply shrugged again and took another sip of my drink.

"Bell don't you care at all? You were so pissed at him for so long?" She frowned.

"I don't care about him anymore Alice, so why should it bother me."

"Well good for you." She said as she took a drink of her lemonade and thought for a moment longer. "Did you know that his Dad is remarried? Apparently to some Eastern European empress or something. Elizabeth seemed a bit perturbed about it…but of course with everything he put her through…"

"Let me guess, her name is Irina?" I said sardonically. For as much as I was pissed at Alec, I had been there for him when he found out about his father's affair and he had to take care of his mother.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"She was his father's mistress." I said simply and raised my eyebrows. "I really don't want to talk about him anymore. How are things with everyone else?" I said changing the subject.

Even as we sat and laughed and chatted and caught up, I continued to check my phone to see if Edward sent me a text. Alice and Jazz kept eyeing me suspiciously but Rosalie would often step in and divert their attention.

Finally at 8:00 I decided to call it an early night. I hadn't heard from Edward yet but he usually came over around 8:00.

I bid my good-byes and hailed a cab outside the restaurant. As I was checking my blackberry I could again feel eyes on me and I shivered. I looked around, not seeing anyone looking at me or unusual. I shook it off as the dreary day that it was, unusually cold and rainy for August.

I climbed in the cab and made my way home. Once inside my condo I opened a bottle of wine and waited for Edward to arrive when I suddenly heard a knock at the door.

But what met me on the other side immediately caught me by surprise. Edward came in the front door, which meant he was likely at Emmett's. But he was concerned about something, I could immediately tell.

Then he began pacing and spewing out information about Alec Masen and having seen him today. When I told him I saw him over the Fourth I thought he was going to blow a lid. It was the first time I had ever seen him mad at me.

 _Mad and…jealous?_

I could tell by the way he talked about Alec that he was jealous of him, even if he didn't have a reason to be. Part of me wanted to berate him for his reaction, but part of me also thought it was a bit hot that he cared so much to get a little green.

But then he dropped the bomb on me and I instantly realized why he was so upset, why he had been so careful over the last month in what he told me about the investigation.

"Bella, he was with Demitri…and he called him his brother." He stared at me intently.

"What?" I said as I gripped the breakfast bar.

"He called Demitri his brother. Why would he say that?" He crossed his arms and looked at me.

My mind instantly began racing and then something made me stop. My breath hitched as I thought of what Alice told me this evening.

"Irina."

"What?"

"Irina…his father's mistress. Alice said she ran into Elizabeth Masen and she told her that Thomas is remarried."

"So you think he might be his step-brother?" Edward pondered it aloud for a moment.

"Maybe. I guess Elizabeth called her some sort of Eastern European empress. And so I knew it had to be Irina."

Edward's eyes went wide and he swallowed. He knew something, I could tell. Something just clicked for him.

"Edward what is it?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't want to put you in any more danger. You're already in enough."

"I don't understand." He walked over and put his hands on the tops of my arms as he looked at me. His eyes softened and my body released some of its tension under his gaze.

"Please just trust me." He said quietly. I nodded. I knew I couldn't know all the intimate details of his mission but it still frustrated me.

He furrowed his brow then and closed his eyes.

"Bella. Did you ever…know anything about Irina?" He rasped with his eyes still closed.

"Um. She's from Romania… I think…and is like part of an old royal family or something. She's a very cold woman but I don't know much else about her. Just that she and Thomas had an affair and it almost broke Elizabeth. Alec hated her." I shook my head at him.

He swallowed and opened his eyes.

"Bella do you remember what her last name was?"

I thought for a moment. I'm sure I knew it at some point. I racked my brain thinking back to my conversations with Alec and the few very brief times I met Irina.

Drago. Draco. Dracon.

"Draconi." I said abruptly and Edward's hands gripped the tops of my arms.

"Motherfuck." He tore his hands from my arms and instantly began pacing again. He ran his hands through his hair over and over as I stared at him. Suddenly he spun on his heels and ran out the door of my apartment.

I just stood there in shock. I had seen him angry, I had seen him frustrated, but I hadn't really seen him lose his cool on me.

What felt like only seconds later Edward came back in followed by Emmett and Seth closely on his tail.

I gave Seth a quick hug. It was the first time I had seen him since the night on the street in Greenwich.

But then the mood became somber.

And for the second time in a month we sat down at the dining room table and went over everything I knew about Alec, Demitri, Irina and Thomas Masen. I couldn't give them much. Only that Demitri showed up not long after Alec left. Nevertheless I recounted the story.

 _"_ _Bella you're going to be late for class." Kate yelled to me from outside the bathroom door._

 _I let the warm water pour down over my body, not even really feeling it. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. I still hadn't heard a word from Alec and it had been a month. I was started to think he never cared about me at all. That everything he said was lie. I was just his stupid college girlfriend and he was the older guy who had fun getting some._

 _But the thought made a pang deep in my chest._

 _I sighed and shut off the water. I had a 10:00 class on Baroque Art. Usually I loved my classes, and lately I had thrown myself into them as a reprieve. I worked and studied. Nothing else. But I didn't enjoy them anymore._

 _Nothing else since…_

 _No don't go there Bella._

 _I hurriedly dressed in a cream turtleneck, black dress pants and boots. I stuffed some heels in my bag since I had to go to work after class and stepped outside. It was snowing out, only the second snowfall of the season. Usually I loved the big fluffy flakes and how the white blanket made everything seem clean and fresh even though it was one of the largest cities in the world._

 _But not today._

 _I slipped into my lecture and sat in the back row. I was never one to sit up front. And I was in my last year; I sure as hell wasn't going to start now._

 _The professor decided to do something different today. He wanted us to pair up to discuss three major pieces from our recent lecture and compare and contrast them to some of the pieces we studied at the beginning of the semester._

 _I sighed. I hated group work. But I glanced around me and realized I was only one of four people in my row. Two were a couple of girls who I knew were friends and they would likely pair up. I looked the other direction and saw a man with dark black hair and black eyes. He was attractive, not that I really noticed, but he had a dark look about him. Still I had to partner with someone._

 _Before I could ask he glanced at me and smiled._

 _"_ _I guess that leaves you and me." He said in a thick accent. I couldn't place it, but it sounded Russian or something._

 _"_ _I guess." I gave him a small smile and moved over to open my book and grab my pen and paper. He was very knowledgeable, almost as though he had personal experience with it. He was nice enough, but something about him just seemed off. And I found it strange that I had never seen him before today._

 _As we got up to leave he placed a hand on my arm._

 _"_ _It was nice working with you." He said and his eyes ran over me._

 _I shuddered a little but tried to ignore it. Maybe I would just be having this kind of reaction to all men for a while._

 _"_ _I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." He continued._

 _"_ _Bella." I said and offered him my hand._

 _He shook it and gave me a small smirk. "Demitri." He said with his accent and held my gaze and my hand a bit too long._

 _"_ _It was nice to meet you." I mumbled and then pulled my hand from his. I looked at my watch. "I need to go…to work. Have a good day." I nodded and sped out of the classroom._

 _I could feel his eyes on me and I tried to ignore the creepy feeling I got._

 _Two days later I went to class and he was there. And the next class and the next. And every time I left to go to work or home I felt like I was being followed. I was always pleasant to him, but I tried to keep it as platonic possible._

 _Finally one day about a week before finals we were doing another comparison during class when he asked me something._

 _"_ _So do you have a boyfriend?" He asked nonchalantly as he flipped through three photos on sculptures._

 _"_ _Um…no. Not anymore." I said not looking up._

 _"_ _What do you mean anymore?"_

 _I sighed. Shit. Why did I have to say that?_

 _"_ _I…uh…we broke up. He apparently doesn't want to see me again." I shrugged, still looking at the photos._

 _"_ _That's odd." He leaned closer and my breath caught as I could feel him right next to me. "I would have a hard time staying away from you."_

 _I tensed. That creepy feeling washed over me until I found a bit of resolve and slowed my breathing._

 _"_ _Well apparently that doesn't go for everyone." I said with a sigh. The hole in my chest opened a little and I willed it away._

 _No. I am not going to think about him._

 _That day he offered to walk me to work and I refused. But when he did it again two days later I was starting to get concerned. I just wanted to be left alone and I definitely wasn't ready to date anyone. Not to mention he unnerved me._

 _But then he showed up at my work. And a few days later at my apartment building._

 _I told Kate about it and she was immediately concerned and told me to file a report with campus security. I did and he never showed up again._

 _Even more strangely, I didn't see him at our last few classes or at our final. The whole situation was odd, and for a few months I looked over my shoulder a bit. Finally when we moved the following May I didn't think about him anymore and I determined that he had just moved on._

Edward, Emmett and Seth sat in silence as I finished my story. They were all tense and I could see the apprehension in their faces and in their bodies.

"What?" I asked glancing between them. "Tell me what's going on because you three obviously know something."

Edward looked at the table and sighed and then looked at me.

"Bella, I think the reason Demitri followed you was to see if you knew anything…since you and Masen just broke up…and it fits." Edward said.

"What fits?" I shook my head in question.

He sighed again and looked at Seth and Emmett who both just nodded. "I heard them talking they mentioned something about a PD and a JR…"

"Okay…"

Edward ran his hand through his hair and then told me about his suspicions that Phil was either backing out or trying to gain some bargaining power.

Then he told me about James and I felt the bile rising in my throat.

"That son-of-a-bitch." My blood was raging through my veins and I could feel my face heat up. I knew I shouldn't care, but the fact that they knew I slept with him and that I had to discuss this whole matter with them was uncomfortable. Agents or not, one was my boyfriend and the other two were close friends. Not to mention I instantly felt used and dirty and disgusted with myself.

"Bella. We don't know what this means yet exactly. But we think you just need to be very careful, very cautious from here on out. Okay?" Seth said.

I was still thinking about the fact that James used me. Whether it was to get to Phil or because of Phil I didn't know. Or if it had something to do with Alec or who. I was hurt that I was used, I was angry that I was connected to this. And most of all I was frustrated that I couldn't provide them with any help.

Sometime later, after the three of them discussed the possibility of getting a protective detail for me, but then ruled it out, I decided I had enough and I wanted to go to bed.

Edward walked them out while I took a shower, trying to cleanse myself of the filthy feeling I had. When he stepped into the bedroom. I was already under the covers as he made his way into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

As he slipped under to join me and wrapped his arms around me I closed my eyes and just let his warmth surround me and soothe me.

"Liefje, I think you should start taking your phone with you all the time…just in case."

"What do you mean? I always have my phone with me." I was puzzled.

"I mean your other phone."

"Oh." I said as realization dawned on me.

"I know I can't always be with you, so I don't want to be more than a phone call away from you." He squeezed me tighter to him and ran his fingers through my hair.

"Okay." I sighed into him and he kissed the top of my head.

"I love you." He whispered. "I'll protect you, I promise."

"I know. I love you too."

I felt him start to breathe more heavily as the minutes passed. But even as the wee hours of the morning met me, I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was searching for anything and everything that I could think of. But to no avail.

Finally exhaustion overtook me and I drifted off to sleep.

*&^%$#

I would have liked to have woken up refreshed and determined and with a plan ahead.

Well, I guess two out of three ain't bad. I only had a few hours of sleep so I was tired and cranky, not to mention I had a killer toothache and I couldn't figure out where it came from.

I spent my morning workout on the elliptical because I was too tired to run. But it helped me formulate my plan for the evening. Edward wasn't sure if he needed to go in tonight so he though he wouldn't be to my place until later.

That gave me an idea.

I was going to New Jersey. I was going to Renee and Phil's house to see if something sparked my memory or tipped me off.

Determined, I was, not necessarily that I would find something, but more to feel like I was _doing_ something.

My day was rather uneventful, but I called Renee as soon as I got to work and asked if she minded that I make the trip out to New Jersey tonight. Of course she was ecstatic. Phil had apparently been working a lot lately and she was bored.

 _Ha. Little did she know._

I was pretty sure my flighty mother didn't have a clue what Phil was in to. But in all honesty, that probably wasn't the worst thing—plausible deniability and all that.

That evening I hopped on the train to New Jersey and arrived at the station at 7:00. I told Renee 6:45 so that I could ensure she would be on time. I didn't want to be waiting on the platform for her.

"Bella!" She waved to me with her large sunglasses and glittering diamonds adorning her hands and wrists.

"Hi Mom." I hugged her and followed her to her Mercedes. Once we were strapped in she sped off for she and Phil's Estate. We chatted about little things, the weather and her latest hobbies.

Once we arrived at their expansive home the prodding started. I was ready for it, but I didn't expect it to be quite so intensive. We ate the pizza she ordered and settled into the sitting room with a bottle of wine.

"So Bella, what happened with James? Phil told me you aren't seeing him anymore." She raised her eyebrow at me as she poured another glass of wine.

I sighed. I had thought about how to approach this with her. I couldn't really tell her the full story.

"Mom, we just weren't compatible." I shrugged.

"Please, Bella, the way that man looked at you, how could you not be compatible?"

A shiver ran down my spine and I swallowed. "Sorry Mom, there were just no sparks. Let's leave it at that okay?" I implored her with my eyes and she huffed.

"So are you seeing anyone new?" She asked then.

"No. I'm staying out of dating for a while. I need to figure out what I want." _Well that couldn't be more of a lie…_

"Bella, baby, it's fine to be patient. Lord knows I wasn't patient enough the first time. But you're also getting older. You need to start thinking about these things."

"Mom, I'm only thirty-two!"

"Almost thirty-three." She muttered and I sighed.

"I'm just not…I need to feel something more. That's all." I said.

"Fine, fine." She waived her hand dismissively and just then the doorbell rang.

"I wonder who that is." She said quickly and rushed off to get the door. Apparently Phil was working again tonight anyway. This couldn't have been more of a bust of a night, I wasn't finding anything out or remembering anything.

"Oh what a surprise! It's good to see you!" I heard my Mom exclaim from the doorway.

I flipped through an issue of _In Style_ magazine that was sitting on the coffee table while she chatted with whoever was at the door. It was unlikely that I would know the person. I hardly knew any of my mother's friends since she moved to New Jersey. Most of them struck me as fake anyhow.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" I heard her ask and I could tell they were approaching closer.

"That would be wonderful Mrs. Dwyer."

I stopped. I knew that slick voice and my body instantly tensed.

I looked up just as they entered the room and took in his steely eyes and his too perfect suit and hair.

"Laurent, do you remember my daughter, Bella Swan."

He turned to me with a sickening smile on his face. "Of course, Mademoiselle, it's nice to see you again."

I smiled through gritted teeth but didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry, Phil's not here tonight. He's working late." She waved her hand and gestured for him to take a seat.

"It's not a problem Mrs. Dwyer, I'm sure he has some important things to attend to." He said as he sat down and peered at me.

I watched his interactions with my mother out of the corner of my eye. I knew that they all knew each other through business, but it still made me sick that she didn't know what he was capable of.

He was a sly bastard as he lightly touched her arm and made her blush or brushed his slick hair back. I purposely avoided his gaze, but I couldn't help but notice the way he shifted in his seat and looked around the room and eyed me every so often. It was almost as if he was looking for something. I couldn't figure it out.

At last after about a half an hour and a glass of wine he left.

I was unnerved by his dropping in and suddenly I wondered if it was really coincidental.

He didn't follow me did he?

Or did someone else know that I came to New Jersey?

Was he sent here?

My mind began racing and I instantly became a bit nervous. How should I go home? A cab ride could be quite expensive but I definitely didn't want to ride the train?

I could ask my mother but would that make her suspicious?

I pondered it for a moment and finally decided to call a cab. But my mother stopped me.

"Oh nonsense Bella, I can take you back. I don't have to be up for anything tomorrow."

I nodded and bit my lip nervously. I didn't know why I was so unnerved by Laurent dropping by. Probably because I knew what he did to Kate, I knew he was connected with Edward's investigation and he was just creepy all around. But there was something else about it. The night didn't glean anything to help me figure out the connections to me but it definitely made me wary.

My mother started up her Mercedes and we pulled out of her drive around 10:30.

We chatted again as she took me back to the City, but I had that eerie sixth sense feeling again. Almost as if we were being followed.

I looked in the side view mirror and didn't notice anything suspicious. I tried to focus on my conversation with her, but it was to no avail.

"Are you okay honey?" She eyed me.

"Fine Mom." I said with a tight smile.

Eventually she wound her way into Manhattan and down the street to my building. It took us quite a while to get back, but that wasn't unusual. Still, I couldn't shake the anxiety and tension in my body.

I gave her a hug and told her we should do it again sometime, even though the last thing I wanted to do was go back to New Jersey in the near future.

I hurried into my apartment building. It was close to midnight and I knew Edward would be there soon.

I slipped inside and instantly noticed the lights were on. But there was no music playing as there usually was. I closed the door and before I could even turn around, he was standing right next to me.

"Where have you been?" His eyes were wide and panicked and I swallowed as I looked at him. His hair was a mess like he had been running his hands through it relentlessly.

"I…I went to see my Mom."

"Bella do you have any idea how worried I was? How could you not tell me?" His voice raised and I could tell he was pissed.

"Edward you don't tell me where you are every minute of every day." I said as I walked past him and into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Bella, you shouldn't be going out alone right now. Did you tell someone where you went?" He stormed in behind me.

"No, Edward, I didn't, I'm sorry I didn't think about it." I filled my glass of water drinking it quickly. I was tense from my evening and now from him being upset.

"Jesus Christ Bella, we don't know how you're connected to everything. You could be in serious danger. What the fuck were you thinking?"

 _What the fuck was I thinking?_

I was instantly fuming from his outburst. I was just trying to help. I could feel my resolve slipping, from the lack of sleep, from the worry, from the interaction with my mother and Laurent, and from not really finding anything out even though I went all the way to New Jersey.

"I was thinking I could try to help and find something out, since I am apparently the idiot who can't remember anything!" I spewed. Yup, the Irish temper finally snapped. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. Hot, assassin agent or not I wasn't going to live my life in a box anymore than I already was.

"Find something out! What are you talking about?" He shouted.

"I went to New Jersey, to my mother's house. I thought maybe something would trigger my memory that could help your investigation. But I didn't see or think of anything." I debated on telling him about Laurent, knowing it would make him more upset, but I figured he better know. "And then Laurent showed up."

His eyes went wide and his face turned beat red.

"Fuck!" He bellowed and ran both his hands through his hair and down his face.

"Edward calm down. I just went to my mother's. I was safe there."

"No, I'm not going to calm down. Don't you understand? It's not just your mother's. You might as well have walked into the lion's den. Who knows what Laurent could have done? And with Phil's connection to this whole thing." He began pacing around the kitchen.

I was standing there staring at him, breathing heavily. I knew I needed to be careful, but I was careful. Even so, I decided not to tell him about the sixth sense feeling I had coming back. I was just so frustrated by the whole situation.

Suddenly he stopped and looked at me, his hands on his hips mirroring my position.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was? I have been here for two hours waiting, not hearing anything from you. I was ready to call it in to the local bureau."

"Edward. I'm fine. Really. It's not that big of a deal." I said trying to calm him down.

His eyes flashed in anger. "Not that big of a deal!" He yelled.

He slammed his hand on the counter and I jumped.

"Damnit Bella, I've spent the last hours trying not to let my mind run away with me, with what could have happened. And you were in New Jersey, with your mother and Laurent, and I didn't know about it! You didn't answer your phone and then I realized you left it here. I kept thinking of the awful things that…" He shook his head. "And I almost called you on your regular cell and I had no idea where you were..." He trailed off.

He continued pacing and I stood there with my eyes wide.

 _Oh shit. This is more than him just being overprotective or me being frustrated._

Then he spun around and put his hands over his face as he stared toward the living room. "Don't you know what you mean to me? Don't you understand that if I lose you then I will feel like I've lost everything? I can't lose you. It scares the shit out of me and I've been trying to ignore it for the last month and separate my work and you and the connections. But…fuck!" He said again, but this time it was in abjection.

I took a deep breath and willed myself to calm down for the moment. I knew I was frustrated, but I couldn't imagine the pressure he was under. I really should have told him. But I was so eager to do _something_ that I just forged ahead.

I knew how much he loved me and how much I loved him. But to hear him say it with such conviction was beyond the depths of anything I had experienced.

Suddenly I was consumed with regret. He really did just love me fiercely. He really did just want to protect me. And I realized then that he had the same fears as I did when he left every morning. He was just as worried about me as I was about him.

I dropped my arms out of my defensive position and slowly walked over to him. His chest was heaving and his eyes were closed as he his jaw was rigidly set.

I tentatively reached out my hand and touched his arm and he stopped. He didn't look at me, he just kept breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and we just stood there for a moment.

He exhaled and his stance softened as he turned to look at me. I could see the contrition in his eyes and feel the apprehension in his body as he reached his hand to my face and cupped my cheek.

" _Liefje_." He sighed and I softened as he pulled me towards him and put both of his hands on my face and looked deeply into my eyes. They were as green as I had ever seen them and almost torrid with hints of bright orange and brown.

"I just can't lose you… I love you so much…I just…I can't." His voice choked a bit and my throat constricted as I stared into his eyes. They were filled with pain and a deep-seated terror.

Without another word I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in for a tight hug. But he crushed me to him so strongly I almost couldn't breathe. His hold on me was forceful and filled with desperation. Just like us, just like how I felt about him every minute of every day. I instantly melted into him, realizing the absolute enormity of my feelings for him and him for me.

He stroked my back and pressed his face to my hair and took a deep breath.

"The one thing in the world that scares me more than anything is losing you." He said quietly.

"I know Edward. I feel the same way about you. But I'm not going anywhere." I tried to reassure him.

"You can say that, but…you never know. We both know that." I nodded into his chest and just let him hold me. Our fight was obviously over as he held me to him like his life depended on it. And it probably did, because mine surely depended on him.

"The thought of losing Alice, or my parents or Eliot is more than I can comprehend. But the thought of losing you…I couldn't go on." He swallowed. "I _wouldn't_ go on Liefje _."_

I gasped as a shuddering awareness came to me with his words. I kept my arms around him and attempted to hug him as fervently as he was me. We stood there in the silence of my apartment until finally he eased his grip and brought my chin up to him and kissed me tenderly.

"I'm sorry, I overreacted Bella. But you just have to know…" He trailed off and I put my fingers over his lips.

"It's okay. I should have told you and I forgot my phone here. I'm sorry for not being more careful. I should have asked them to meet me in the city."

He nodded and stroked my hair back from my face. He bent down to brush his lips to mine and a common burn began to smolder in my stomach. The intensity of our fight, the frustration of the situation and the raw passion of his display was now furrowing into something else. I deepened the kiss and simply reveled in the feel of being with him again, his supple lips and his taste mixing with mine.

"I guess we just had our first fight." He said in a hushed tone.

"I guess we did." I nodded and kissed him again.

At last he stepped back and took a deep breath and grabbed my hand.

"What do you say to a shower?" He said, his eyes now dark but also filled with a longing. He needed me, in more ways than one. And I needed him just the same.

"I think that sounds like a great idea." I said with a smile. "Let me just turn off everything out here."

"I'll be waiting." He said lowly as he bent to kiss me again and my breath quickened.

I gave him one more kiss and he turned and slipped off his shoes by the door.

I began to walk around the condo flipping off the lights. Just as Edward was walking into the bedroom I thought of something he said. It didn't make much sense, but I didn't know if it slipped out and he meant something else, or what he meant.

"Edward." I called after him. He turned to look at me. He already had his watch in his hands and was starting to tug on his shirt.

"Who's Eliot?"

 **XXXX**


	18. Chapter 18: Piece by Piece

**Chapter 18: Piece by Piece**

 ** _"_** ** _Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

"Edward?" I turned slowly to look at her as I began to slip out of my t-shirt. The stress was finally subsiding from my body and I was simply glad to have her back in my arms, in her home.

"Who's Eliot?"

I blinked.

 _What did she just say?_

"What are you talking about?" I asked perplexed.

"You said…you said that you would be devastated if you lost Alice or your parents or Eliot. Who's Eliot?"

 _Oh shit. I said that out loud?_

I hadn't told her about Eliot yet, the time had just never been right. And tonight I was so overcome with my worry for her that my mind and mouth had been racing as I spoke.

I looked at her closely. She didn't seem mad or frustrated, more so quizzical.

 _Oh crap, how am I going to explain this to her?_

I blinked again and ran my fingers over my watch. We had just settled our first fight. How was she going to take this?

"Uh…" I swallowed again and finally took a deep breath.

"Edward is something wrong?" She furrowed her brow and stepped closer to peer at me and finally I sighed.

"Uh...yeah. Why don't we shower first and then I can tell you about Eliot."

"Okay." She smiled at me but still looked perplexed.

I led her into the shower but realized I needed to collect my thoughts on how I was going to tell her about this. As much as I wanted to get in the shower with her, I knew I couldn't now.

I handed her a towel and helped her out of her jeans and sweater, willing myself to keep it together.

"Edward, aren't you going to join me?" She smiled at me and I thought my heart was going to melt.

 _Well, fuck._

I stripped out of my jeans and t-shirt and climbed in behind her.

The water was pouring down over her unbelievable body and I had to close my eyes and grit my teeth for a moment. She was scrubbing her hair, the strawberry wafting around me in the steam.

 _Oh God. This is impossible_. I groaned.

"Edward is something wrong?" She said as she turned around and she was biting her lip.

 _Fuck. Don't do that Schoonheid._

I rubbed my hands down my face and tried to steady my breathing.

"I'm fine. I just…what I need to tell you is going to be hard to explain and I…I don't think we should do…this…before we talk." I gestured back and forth.

"Okay…" She said quietly and put her hands on my chest and looked at me as though it was something she did. I placed my hand on her face to try to reassure her.

"It's nothing you did _Liefje_. I'm just afraid…" I blew out a breath as spoke. "I don't know how you're going to react, but I'm pretty sure you might be angry with me."

"Oh." She murmured.

"Let's just get cleaned up first." I said as I kissed her lightly on the lips. She gave me an impish smile and reached for the shower gel.

As she poured it in her hands I was assaulted with vanilla. Of course my body betrayed me as her small hands worked the lather over my shoulders and down my chest. I stood there and closed my eyes just feeling her work my muscles and relieve the tension from our fight earlier. I dropped my head back, the water spilling over me as she massaged me, up and down, side to side. I was lost in the sensations and had to lean forward and steady my hands on the wall over Bella's head.

I noticed her fingers slow and I opened my eyes to look down at her and found she had her eyes closed too. She was memorizing me with her fingers and I was instantly burning from the tips of my ears to the tips of my toes.

"Bella." I said huskily.

"Yes." She breathed, her eyes still closed.

" _Liefje_ I…" She opened her eyes and they were smoldering molten pools of espresso, as dark as I had ever seen them.

 _Oh fuck it._

"Oh God _Liefje_." I crashed my lips to hers and before I knew it I lifted her up against the tiles, her glorious legs wrapped around me and the water poured down over us. I pulled her lower lip in my mouth and bit down gently and she moaned and clawed at my back trying desperately to pull me closer. My fingers gripped her ass and our tongues darted out to taste one another. It was mixed with water and vanilla and the scent of strawberry from Bella's shampoo. I groaned and my erection pulsed against her stomach as I was painfully hard for her. All of my worry and need and anxiety from the night coursed through my body at the speed of a freight train.

"Edward. Please. Whatever it is I promise I'll listen…but I need you…I need _you_ right now." Her eyes seared into mine and I nodded as I brought mouth to hers again and kissed her fiercely. I moved down her jaw to her collarbone following the trail of droplets from the water.

"I need you too _Liefje_ , so much, so much…" I murmured into her ear as I positioned myself and then pressed into her.

"Oh…" She whimpered and squeezed her legs tighter around me, digging her heels into my back and pulling me in deeper. "Oh God." She breathed again.

My mouth once again met hers and we moved together—our tongues, our lips, our bodies conveying what we couldn't say in that moment. We weren't fast or frantic; we thrust slowly and traced our fingers over one another following only with our lips. I ran my hand through her hair as the water poured over it and stared at her swollen lips and the little "O" her mouth made with each of my thrusts.

I couldn't get past the sight of her in my arms. I watched as the droplets continued their path down her neck to her heaving pert breasts and I again followed it with my hand, slowly, reverently, simply wanting every part of me to touch her.

"You're so beautiful Liefje, so beautiful…I…God…I don't know what I did to deserve you..." I stopped as she brought one of the hands that had been gripping my shoulder to my face and I closed my eyes. I continued my slow, even movements just wanting to feel her around me. I never wanted it to end.

I started to feel her tighten and knew I could be there any second with her.

I brought my lips to hers again and lifted her slightly.

"I love you so much Bella." I whispered into her ear. The only sounds in the shower were our breaths and the water falling to the floor.

"I love you too Edward…more than I can say." Her hands brought me tighter to her so that now there wasn't an inch of separation between us and I dropped one of her legs to the floor and lifted the other over my arm as I pumped more forcefully.

"Oh Mijn Zon…Ugh Liefje." I brought my other hand to where we were joined and stroked her sending her over the edge.

"Oh God…Oh God. Edward!" She shattered at once around me and I thrust into her two more times before joining her and mumbling incoherently into her mouth as I kissed her.

"Oh Bella. Ik hou meer van je dan mijn leven, je bent mijn zon, mijn licht, mijn leven, mijn alles. Ik kan niet leven zonder je, liefje."**

I gently eased her down and kissed her tenderly. Our bodies were still flush and against the tile, but I could never tire of just kissing her, holding her and being next to her skin to skin, lips to lips.

I ran my hands through her hair and kissed her again and she sighed and pulled me closer. We stood under the water until it finally ran cold. It had to be late and she had to work but I knew we had a long discussion ahead of us.

We stepped out of the shower not saying a word and I wrapped her towel around her and she hummed in response. I kissed her forehead and led her to the bedroom as we got ready for bed.

We were both quiet, simply preparing for what I was going to tell her. I just knew one thing—I had to have her in my arms as I told her this last thing. I really didn't know how she would react but I was worried. She was friends with Alice and Jasper and she knew my parents.

I formulated my words as she slipped into a tank and some boy shorts. I just watched her move around the bedroom. It was as if we had done this every night for a hundred years. Everything was so natural with her even before we were to have a pretty major discussion. It made my heart ache at the thought. It made me want to do this together every night for the rest of my life. I had never felt like that before. I had never reacted like I did tonight before.

At last she climbed in and I wrapped my arms around her. I took a deep breath as she laid her head on my chest and traced small circles over my stomach. It was that feeling, that connection that made me prepared for what I needed to say.

Finally I just said it.

"Eliot is my nephew." I breathed and held her tightly to me. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to blink.

Everything stopped. She stopped breathing, stopped tracing and so did I.

"Oh my God." She whispered after what seemed like ages. "You're Uncle E."

 _What?_

 _How could she?_

 _Wait, what?_

She turned her head to look at me and I was afraid she would be angry or hurt…but she had a look of...realization.

"What do you mean?" I asked astonished.

"You're Uncle E…"

"Yes, but…" I furrowed my brow at her, completely dazed.

She shook her head and closed her eyes.

"I can't believe this. Just when I think things can't get any stranger."

"Bella…I'm confused."

She opened her eyes and looked at me. "I teach with Angela… on Saturday mornings in Brooklyn…when I volunteer. You know the art teacher I work with…it's Angela."

 _Holy shit she knows Eric's Angela?_

"You know Angela?" I was astonished.

But that means…

"So…she told you?" I asked quietly, still astounded by this revelation.

 _Jesus Christ this world is fucking small._

"Yeah…well, she told me the story, but not your name. I don't think hardly anyone knows but…she always seemed to keep everything in and we went to lunch back in June…it was the day after you and I first saw each other actually." She said shaking her head.

"Wow." It was the only thing I could say and we were both quiet for some time.

"It all makes so much sense now…" She said.

"What do you mean?"

"I've met Eliot…a few times. She and Ben and Eliot came to my Dad's for the Fourth…and the eyes and the Uncle who's a cop and…the family situation." She said as she looked at me warily.

I took a deep breath and ran my hand down her arm. "Well I never expected this. I expected you to be mad actually."

She sighed. "Well I can't say that I'm happy but…why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It was just never the right time to bring it up." I sighed. "And with Alice and my parents not knowing…and it's been so long…I didn't know what to say." I said as I shook my head.

She took a deep breath and listened before she spoke. "When Angela first told me about it I couldn't believe that you could keep something like that a secret…."

"I know Bella…and I feel terrible, but I didn't know how to..."

"Stop." She put her hand over my mouth. "Let me explain."

"When she first told me I couldn't believe it. I thought about if Brad had a child that I would be angry if someone had kept that from me. But it's so much different when you know the person…know the family….now it actually kind of makes sense."

"How so?" I asked perplexed. I shut my mouth then. I couldn't believe how well she was taking it.

"Well, after meeting your grandparents and knowing the family name behind it, I guess I started to understand a bit more. It's not that I agree with it, but also…I understand more because it's you. Because I know you and I know your loyalty to Eric…" she trailed off quietly. "And because of where you've been for the last thirteen years…and how you've changed."

I furrowed my brow. I didn't know what to say. I was amazed and flabbergasted and puzzled all at the same time. I couldn't believe she wasn't angry. I couldn't believe she wasn't yelling at me or worse jumping out of my arms. I couldn't believe she understood my loyalty to Eric.

"Edward?"

"Bella. I…I don't know what to say."

She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Okay so maybe she was upset, but she was obviously better at rationalizing than me.

 _Yeah you were ready to call in the National Guard, the entire Bureau and all of the other "acquaintances" you've met in your travels to find her tonight._

 _So I tend to overreact a little._

 _Okay a lot._

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" She pulled me out of my thoughts as she raised her eyebrow to me and then laid her head back on my chest.

The beginning, I could handle that.

So I told her. I told her about when Eric found out, what happened between him and Angela and how he threw her out of his office. I told her that I thought he was a jackass but he had some intense need to keep it quiet. I told her that even though I argued with him profusely and didn't agree with him, I would never betray him. I told her about our conversation that night in the Hamptons and how he knew he fucked up, but didn't know how to fix it. And then he died, and I felt like I had to take his place since I was the only one who knew. But at the same time I never told my family because I felt loyal to him.

In reality, I had drawn within myself so much that I couldn't tell them.

As I spoke I began to realize the error of my thinking, but looking back I knew that my old self would never have done anything differently. I wasn't ready to face the fact that he was gone, and telling my parents and Alice and Jasper would be an admittance that he was no longer here. It would have forced me to face the fact that he was gone and that Eliot was really all I had left. But going on and taking his place, I never faced it. It was our secret, it was my loyalty to him, to a dead man who I knew deep down would have wanted Eliot to know my parents and Alice and Jasper.

As I shared all of this with the woman in my arms I began to feel infinitely lighter. I didn't realize how much of a burden this secret was on me, on my family and even on my relationship with my dead brother. Once again, she saved me from myself simply by listening and knowing exactly what to say. She didn't get angry or defensive or blame me. She was upset, yes, but she just listened. Finally I stopped and I looked down at her.

"Bella."

"Yeah."

"I wasn't sure if you were still awake."

"Of course I am." She smiled lightly.

She turned to look at me again and then crawled up to face me. She placed her hands on either side of my face and her eyes bore into mine. Gently she brushed her lips to mine and swept a piece of hair out of my face. Then she lowered her head and nuzzled into my neck and I pulled her body into mine.

"Edward. I think…" She trailed off.

I stroked my hand down her back, just waiting for her to choose her words. I owed her that. I owed her to listen as well.

"I think it's time." She finally said and I breathed a sigh.

"Yeah." I responded quietly. "I think you're right." I kissed the top of her head and felt her relax into me.

"Do you…I mean would you…help me?" I asked.

"Of course." She kissed my neck and I felt warm—warmed from my sun, my light, the only person in the world who could ever make me feel this way and the only person who truly understood me. It sent that same deep pain through my chest to realize just how true my words were earlier tonight. I truly couldn't lose her.

"Thank you." I moved my nose to her hair and breathed in deeply.

At last the heaviness was replaced by a serene feeling. The tension of the night and our discussions finally melted away. But before I drifted off with it I whispered in her ear one more time.

"Je hebt me gered, liefje. Je zal nooit weten hoe erg je mij hebt gered. Ik hou van je."**

*&^%$#

I awoke to brightness in the room and a clicking sound. I opened my eyes slowly and realized it was morning. It was well past when I usually woke and I instantly looked at the clock to see it was 8:30.

The clicking stopped and I looked up to see Bella standing next to the bed. She was wearing a cream pencil skirt and a royal blue silk top. She looked radiant in the morning sun, her silky hair spilling over her shoulders.

 _Oh Mijn Schoonheid._

I could handle waking up to that every morning.

I didn't often see her when she left for work in the morning and my mouth went dry at how absolute stunning she looked. I couldn't form words for a moment as I just stared at her, burning green into melting brown.

At last she smiled and climbed onto the bed.

"Hey. I know you usually get up, but I thought I would let you sleep. You seemed so tired." She said quietly as she stroked my face.

I didn't say anything, I just pulled her to me and kissed her soundly. I could taste toothpaste and chapstick and Bella and it was the perfect combination.

"Good morning. It's okay. What time did _you_ get up?"

"6:30. I went downstairs for a run and now I'm heading in."

"I'm sorry to make you late."

"It's not a problem." She said softly as she kept her hand on my face. "I don't think I could have woken you if I tried." She chuckled then.

"I never sleep like that…" I frowned.

"I think you had some things to get off your chest…" She trailed off but looked at me intently.

"Yeah." I answered quietly.

"So I was thinking…when do you want to do it?"

I thought for a moment and then cleared my throat. "Well, the sooner the better I think." I finally said.

"I thought you would want to wait until after your mission." She furrowed her brow.

I shook my head. "No. Now that you know, I don't want to wait. They deserve to know. I don't know how long the mission is going to take and they deserve to know."

"Okay." She thought for a moment and worried her lip.

I sat up a bit more to look at her.

 _God she's just…fucking gorgeous._

"What is it _Liefje_?" I ran my hand through her hair and she sighed.

"Are you…going to tell them all about us?"

I thought for a moment. I didn't think that was a good idea considering how many connections she had. I didn't want to put Alice and Jasper and my parents at any more risk, even if my Dad knew.

"I…it's not that I don't want to…but I don't know that we should _Liefje_ …to keep everyone safe." I said in a hushed tone. "I hope you understand." I pleaded with my eyes.

"Of course, I understand Edward and I agree. I just need to know what my role is in all of this." She said.

"I thought you could help me…maybe bring everyone together. And…then I could show up. You know so that they're all in the same place." I thought about how I could do this, how Bella could get them there.

"What about a celebratory dinner party? You know, for Alice and Jasper."

"That's a great idea. That seems realistic too."

"Okay." She sighed and looked at the clock. "Well, I better go to work. Will you be here tonight?"

"Not until late, I have to brief all…Oh crap. I should get going." I realized then.

"Just use my shower." She nodded.

"Okay." I smiled and pulled her to me once more. "I love you…and thank you, for being so understanding." I kissed her gently.

"I love you too." She smiled into my lips and then climbed off of the bed and headed out to work.

I quickly showered and pulled out a clean shirt that I had left here and slipped out of her apartment. I had to be at my briefing soon and realized I was running late. I hurried to catch a cab to the Bronx today and once again made several exchanges.

As I walked into the NY headquarters I noticed I was still one of the first ones here. I knew Seth had a big meet last night and Emmett met some business associates at the club last night. I decided to refrain because although Tuesday was a big night, I needed Emmett to prove himself a few -times without me there.

Not to mention last night I was driving myself crazy since I hadn't heard from Bella.

I sat down in the conference room and Ivanova strode in.

"Tanya." I nodded.

"Cullen." She nodded behind her large sunglasses. Then she removed them and I noticed the large black shiner on her right eye.

"What the fuck Ivanova? Who did that to you?" I was instantly pissed.

"Chill out Cullen. Zeesh. You men. So damn protective." She rolled her eyes. "Trust me he looks much vorse zan me." She shrugged.

"He? Did one of those pricks at the club do this?" I didn't care, I still felt protective over her as well.

"Cullen. I've been taking care of myself since I was seven. I'm fine." She raised her eyebrows at me to drop it and I did. But it made me think.

 _Since she was seven?_

There was much more to Ivanova than I knew or she let on. She was a very intense and close-lipped person. I couldn't imagine what she had seen, and I didn't want to, but I suspected much of her ability to "take care of herself" stemmed from her upbringing in communist Russia.

Seth, Emmett and Garrett walked in soon after and each gave Tanya the same angry look I did. Of course she shook it off.

We began our briefing and Tanya gave up more names and Seth informed them that he was finally getting a meeting with the person in charge of the drug ring in New York. He didn't know his name yet, but had a meeting point and time for next week.

I told them about my suspicions regarding Reycon and Lividol and the Anthrax issues. Of course they all raised their eyebrows when I mentioned my father and that he would know more intimate details about the drug because of his position.

Then McCarty dropped the bomb on us. He had met with a potential connection last night at the club.

It was the exec from Reycon.

"Are you saying he was offering up goods from Reycon?" I said in a low tone.

"I think so. He didn't come out and say it. But he said he had connections…" he trailed off.

"Fuck." I muttered and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"There's more." He took a deep breath. "He also said that there are several people that get a cut out of it…which means to me that it's more than just the Dracs."

"Yeah but who? Do you think it goes back to who Caius mentioned—that there could possibly be something or someone bigger?" I posed.

"That's what I am afraid of." McCarty said.

"Can I zay something?" Ivanova piped in.

"Of course." Garrett said.

"I zink this is much deeper zan ve originally thought. I zink zere is someone bigger."

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

Ivanova took a deep breath and looked a bit…worried. I had never seen her like this; she usually had such a tough exterior. I knew this was more than just something with our mission.

"Ven I vas down vith a buyer two nights ago he mentioned something that made me zink that there is more."

Ivanova sighed and collected herself a bit more. Finally she explained that when she was growing up in Russia it was common for the KGB to have a front organization or person. That person appeared for all intents and purposes to make all the decisions, to be the head honchos. But really, the true leader was often someone from the community that the Feds would never guess, someone who had power and influence and the connections to always be ahead of the Feds. Then when the "front" people went down, they just burned out the organization and started over, made it so that there was no tie to the true leader.

"So you think this is similar? Why do you say that?" I questioned.

"Because of how ze organization is run. It's very similar. Ze brothers appear to run zings, but do you think they are actually zat powerful? You've met zem?"

I thought about it. They were creepy as fuck, but intimidating? Not necessarily. I was still perplexed as to who could be the person behind it all.

"Ok so who could be potential leaders then? Masen, someone from Buxton, the Reycon exec?" I swallowed at the thought.

"No. It vouldn't be someone you know. Zat's the point. Ze vil never be known."

"Then how do we find it out?" McCarty asked.

"Ve be patient. Ve keep following our sources. At some point, it vill break. But I zink ve need to be careful about vat ve take as our break. Does zat make sense?"

It did. What Ivanova was getting at was a set-up. If we were getting close, then the head of the organization would just sell out the Dracs and let us take them down, only to move on to new set of puppets and put up a new front.

That made me think of something.

When we took down the Volturis…it all seemed to fall into place rather quickly…and it was right before the Dracs really rose to power.

"Oh shit." I muttered.

"What?" Seth asked.

"Garrett, I think we need to look at some timelines here. I think we need to have the analysts look into when the Dracs really started to take over and any similar connections between the Dracs and the Volturis—similarities between the way the organizations are run."

"Why is there something you noticed?" Garrett asked intently.

"Not yet, but something just isn't sitting right with me. Since Caius and Marcus were the ones that mentioned it, it just makes me think there might be."

Ivanova nodded and we discussed the matter a bit more before calling it for the day. We made our way out and I stopped and pulled her aside.

"Tanya. How do you know so much about this?" I asked her quietly.

She sighed and glanced up and down the hallway.

"Because my father was vone of them. He was a front. And zey threw him away just like zey always do."

"Really." I breathed.

 _Her father was a KGB front man. Shit._

She locked eyes with me and her steel blue-greys became very serious. "Yes. And zat's why you can't trust anything. Because vone day ve had a good life in St. Petersburg, for communist Russia, and ze next ve vere on ze street. My father vas dead and my sister was sold into a system like I see every day. I have more experience zan I need for a lifetime." Her eyes bore into mine and I thought about what she said.

 _Don't trust anything._

Then suddenly she interrupted my thinking.

"I'm not talking about her…I'm talking about keeping your eyes open in spite of her…" She raised her eyebrows at me and I gaped at her.

"You zink I don't know?" She laughed dryly. "I see ze vay you talk ven you discuss her. Be careful, you get blinded by your love, no? You need to focus on ze mission."

With that she put on her sunglasses and stepped down the hallway. I watched as she walked away and thought about what she said. I needed to step back and think about Bella's connections to everything as rationally as possible. So she didn't think she was involved but that something or someone we didn't suspect could be?

 _Fuck this was a twisted mission._

I ran my hands through my hair and then caught my transfer to take me back out from the Bureau.

It was late but I thought about what Tanya said. I needed to sit down and think about everything without thinking about Bella.

What was Alec's connection to Demitri? Likely his step-brother.

How did Masen Industries get involved with the Dracs, or Van Rijn, or Reycon?

Why would Masen or the members of Buxton or Van Rijn want to get involved with an illegal trade in the first place?

After Bella told me that Irina's last name was Draconi, we confirmed that she was indeed the sister of Vladimir and Stefan. I could only assume that was part of the reason Masen was in business with them. But why? Did Thomas Masen know what he was getting into, or did he just think he was joining in the family business at the time?

There had to be a thread, and that's what she was getting at. If I didn't focus on what I needed to, I wouldn't see it.

By the time I arrived home it was only 6:00, but I decided to go to the gym to work out. I knew Bella wouldn't be home, she had switched her nights of racquetball with Kate to Wednesdays so that it would coincide with my briefings. And my sister didn't play anymore now that the twins were on the way.

Twins. Wow, I shook my head at that thought.

I quickly changed and hurried down the street to the old boxing joint. I hit the treadmill and then the punching bags for a while. Then I went home to shower and shave before going to Bella's. I knew I was taking a risk by going there every night and I thought about what Ivanova said. But honestly, I had to see her, and I had to be near her. She was the only thing that made me feel better. I would just have to be better about focusing on my mission when I was away from her.

As I slipped into her condo at 10:00, it was peaceful and quiet. She must have gone to bed early.

 _That's odd; she doesn't usually go to bed until later._

I walked through the condo trying to be quiet and then stopped when I reached the door to her room. She was fast asleep, her silky chestnut hair splayed across the crisp white sheets. A few strands were in her face and she was clutching the pillow where I normally laid. My heart clenched at the sight and she let out a little breath through her lush pink lips.

"Edward." She whispered.

I looked to see if she was talking to me but she appeared to be dreaming.

At that moment, so many things fell into place. Tanya was right, I needed to focus on my mission, but it wasn't because I was consumed with breaking another case. I needed to focus so that we could take down the person who was clearly the mastermind behind this whole organization. And that person was the same person, in one way or another, who was also a threat to the beautiful woman before me.

I had a new reason for working harder.

I wanted to keep her safe. I wanted to have her in my arms, in my life, sleeping beside me every night for the rest of my life. I wanted her. And if that meant that I had to focus on my mission for a little while longer, then I would make that sacrifice. I wanted to break this case so that neither of us would have to worry about the connections again.

I had already decided I was done with undercover work. I was done with living two lives. But as I stared at her, sleeping so soundly, so peacefully, and after thinking about last night, I knew I just wanted one life: a life with her.

I pulled off my jeans and my t-shirt and lifted the covers to climb in next to her. She was so warm and so breathtaking in the moon light.

I ran my fingers down her cheek and her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Hey." She smiled but then winced a bit.

"Are you okay?"

She groaned lightly. "No, I had to have a root canal today." She scowled adorably and I pulled her to me.

"Really? That sucks, I'm sorry Liefje." I stroked her face and kissed her forehead.

"Are you in pain?" I asked.

"Not so much anymore but the pain pills knocked me out. I'm sorry I fell asleep so early." She murmured.

"No, don't worry about it." I smiled and kissed her again, and as it always did, my heart skipped a beat.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked quietly as I stroked her hair and her face, just feeling her warm body next to me.

"Well, I know how you could help me really feel better." She gave me a shy grin.

"Hmmm. Really how's that?"

"Make love to me." She whispered as she stared into my eyes and became quiet.

I rolled over so that I was hovering above her and kissed her tenderly and then ran my hand through her hair once again. For all the times she had helped me, for all the times she had taken away my pain, surely I could do the same.

"I will always make love to you _Liefje_."

"Mmmm." She hummed into my kiss and I pulled her into my arms, showing her just how much I meant it.

*&^%$#

 _"_ _Fucking work. Seriously E, do something you love, otherwise it's not worth it." Eric said as he hit the ball to me._

 _"_ _What are you talking about? I thought you loved your job?" I asked as I smoked a serve past him._

 _"_ _Asshole."_

 _"_ _40, love." I smirked._

 _"_ _Whatever…as I was saying." He emphasized. "It's much better when you enjoy it."_

 _"_ _Dude. You were a business and chemistry major. How the fuck do you enjoy your job anyway?" I was giving him shit, but I was really trying to help him get to the point._

 _"_ _Damnit!" He yelled as I hit another one past him, effectively ending our game. He threw his racket towards the bench and I just chuckled. Eric was always a sore loser._

 _I strode over and grabbed a bottle of water and handed him one._

 _"_ _So. What's going on?" I asked him. He had only been at his job for a year, but I knew he had a fair amount of responsibility due to his background and because he was Carlisle Cullen's son."_

 _"_ _I don't know. My boss is riding my ass." He got quiet then and I looked at him to try to get him to talk. He just shrugged._

 _Whatever. One minute you couldn't get him to shut up the next he was fucking clamming up like he held the secret to the Kennedy assassination in his head._

 _"_ _So you don't like it or…"_

 _"_ _Nah. I'm just sayin' there's no reason to be so loyal sometimes. I wish I wouldn't have done my internship there and…" He stopped there for a moment and looked at me._

 _"_ _And what?"_

 _"_ _Nothing." He sighed._

 _I brushed it off._

 _"_ _Just...you're too loyal for your own good E, don't give in to it." He raised his eyebrows at me and I peered at him._

 _What the hell does that mean?_

 _"_ _Okay…" I said drawing it out. I really didn't know where he was going with this, but something was obviously bothering him at work._

 _"_ _So tell me about your boss. What's his deal? Maybe I can help." I finally offered._

 _He shrugged. "Nah. Amun's just a pawn. He doesn't know shit, someday I will have his job anyway."_

 _I laughed. It was probably true. Eric was smart as a whip and had not only a scientific, but also a business mind. I had no question he would make it as far in the company as my father._

 _"_ _C'mon E, now I have to buy your sorry ass a beer since you beat me." I laughed and we walked to the locker rooms._

I awoke in the early morning hours and realized that Bella was still sound asleep beside me. My dream was so strange but at the same time it nagged at me. I couldn't place it. I couldn't figure out what it was trying to tell me.

Bella rolled over and sighed and opened her eyes.

"Why are you awake? It's only…" She turned to glance at the clock. "4:30 in the morning."

"It's nothing." I kissed her head and pulled her into me. "Go back to sleep Liefje."

She groaned. "I don't think I can. I fell asleep on the couch at 7:00 last night before I came in here. I don't think I can sleep anymore."

"How does your mouth feel?"

"It's okay. A little sore." She shrugged as she buried herself into my chest.

"So have you thought any more about when you want to tell your parents?" she asked after a moment.

"Um." I swallowed. "Yeah, actually I was thinking we could do it next Sunday, the 21st. I know they should be home. Is that too soon?"

She shook her head against my chest. "No. I emailed Alice, who in turn gave me your Mom's email yesterday and I mentioned the idea of having a dinner party. Of course your Mom insisted that they do it at their place…she's really excited to be a Grandma."

I smiled to myself at the thought. "I bet she is." And again the guilt over Eliot cut through me like a knife.

Silence swept over us for a few moments as I held her in the early morning hours. I thought about my promise to my mother and how I said I would come see her this time. I had seen Alice and Jasper and my father again, but I hadn't seen my mother since my first weekend back more than two months ago.

As always, Bella hit on exactly what I was thinking as she asked the next thing on her mind.

"Do you miss her?"

"Who?" I asked, wanting to make sure I answered what she was asking.

"Your Mom…you seem…close." She noted.

I blew out a breath and turned on my side so that I was on my pillow and she was on hers. I wrapped a tendril of her hair around my finger and stared into her eyes.

"Yeah…I miss her. She and I were very close. She was the one who got me involved in so many of the things I love."

She nodded and then pondered something for a moment. "You have her eyes…and her hair. I noticed it again at the fundraiser just how alike you are. And it's not just in appearances. You have the same personality traits too." She smiled.

I leaned over and kissed her as I pulled on another tendril of her hair. I sighed then and looked into her eyes.

"I'm worried…I hope she's not angry…I mean… she has every right to be but…" I trailed off.

"She will be." Bella said resolutely. "But she'll get past it. It's time and you're doing the right thing. You can't make up for the past, but you can make it right from here forward." She added.

"How are you so smart Liefje?"

She laughed wryly. "I'm not. I just know how I would react."

"You are." I reassured her. And then before she could say another word I kissed her soundly and pulled her on top of me.

We decided later it the morning that Bella would help my mother set up the dinner party with my parents, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. She would make up contacting the Whitlocks and tell my mother that they were busy. In reality, they were planning to have the dinner set at 7:00 and then I could show up after dark.

But I also considered paying my mother a visit this weekend so that I could see her on my own. I did miss her, immensely. And I was in such a different place than I was when I saw her two months ago. I owed it to her to see her once before I showed up and dropped an absolute bomb on them about Eliot. I needed to start rebuilding that relationship even if I wasn't out of cover yet.

Bella went about her morning routine and I kissed her good-bye. I worried about her every day when she left, but she had assured me that she would always carry her phone and she even dug out the pepper spray that her Dad gave her every year for Christmas.

I had to go to the club tonight, but I was planning to come over Friday for dinner. I couldn't wait. But I also truly tried to focus on my work when I was away from her. It was the only way I could ensure that eventually she would be safe.

So instead that day I went about my day as normal. I went to the gym and chatted up Felix. I did some research in the afternoon and didn't find anything of interest. Finally I went to the club with Seth that night.

I dressed in a gray suit and black shirt and slipped on my ray bans. I had to almost laugh at the fact that I could wear sunglasses, at night…in a club. Eric would have thought that was the funniest shit ever.

I could just hear him saying. _"It's like that damn 80's song E."_

I caught myself thinking about him on occasion. It no longer cut through me like it used to. Instead I would think of funny things he said or did, or how he would think of something like tonight. It was refreshing and sad all at the same time. But mostly it was relieving. Now that I told Bella about Eliot, I truly had nothing more to hide. No more secrets.

I made my way to the club and met Seth outside before we went in through the back as usual. As soon as I stepped in the back room I noticed that something was off. There were way too many heavy hitters in attendance tonight and I was instantly on awareness.

I ducked my head down and Seth and I walked through to the VIP. But it wasn't before I noticed that Demitri, Felix and James were sitting at a table in one corner. And in the other Ivanova, Gianna and the Reycon exec as well as two men from the Buxton Group were talking and drinking.

But most importantly, I could see through the glass that Alec Masen was sitting in a booth in the VIP.

"Fuck." I muttered.

"What?" Seth asked.

"Alec Masen. Three O'clock."

"Fuck." Seth muttered as well.

I quickly grabbed a Tuica off of a tray near me and turned away. Luckily I had my sunglasses on. What a night. I ran my hand through my hair and this time purposefully tousled it so that it would fall in my face. I needed to look as little like myself as possible.

Seth and I walked into the VIP and I was able to hide behind his rather large frame as we took our usual spot in the corner. Our seat was dark and secluded so that we could see the entire VIP area. As usual Kristina and Senna made their way over to sit with us and we ordered a bottle of Ketel One.

I slowly sipped my drink and chatted with Seth in Spanish as the girls sat between us. Of course we never said anything that could tip them off, but Seth and I watched and waited. Masen was sitting at a table with two Drac girls and a couple of the mid-level men. But he looked uncomfortable, in fact downright abhorred by being there. I couldn't square the situation.

Just as I was pouring my second drink the unbelievable happened—or the inevitable.

The Reycon exec walked in and Masen stiffened as he sat down next to him. I knew we needed to know what was being said, so I did the unthinkable.

"Kristina. Can you do something for me?" I turned and put my arm around her. We were in the dark so I knew the exec couldn't see me nor could Masen.

"Can you go and sit with that guy over there?" I pointed to Masen. By the looks of it he didn't want anything to do with the girls so I thought she would be safe.

She gave me a look of question and also fear. I squeezed her and slipped her five hundred dollars.

"I promise if something happens we'll take care of you. Just let me know what they say okay?"

She nodded and slipped the money in her bra before she strode over to their table. I leaned back and watched in anticipation.

Kristina wormed her way in expertly and sat near Masen. The exec eyed her but then turned back to him and he stiffened. I was right Alec had had no interest in her. But the two continued to talk. He looked almost angry and then sighed several times. Finally he shook his head and got up and all but pushed his way out of the seat and out of the VIP. I watched as he made his way down through the dance floor and out the front door.

I didn't know what they were discussing yet, but I could only guess that it had something to do with his being back. The analysts were going to trace his trail from the last eleven years after I reported what I saw between him and Demitri. But this seemed different, almost like he was angry on a more personal level.

A few minutes after he stormed out, Kristina nervously turned down the advances of the Reycon exec and slipped away. I felt bad for using her that way, but thankfully he moved on to someone else.

At last Kristina made her way back over and sat between Seth and me.

I handed Kristina a drink and actually I didn't have to start the dialogue. Senna was intrigued by the whole display.

"What did they say Krissy?" Senna asked in her thick accent.

"The blonde one…?" She questioned.

I nodded urging her to tell me. "Well, he said he didn't want to sell something. And the other one kept saying things to him." She spoke in her broken English as well.

"Did he use any names?" Seth asked quietly.

Kristina thought for a moment and then nodded. "Something about an…industry?"

 _Masen Industries. Had to be._

"And the other one said there was much to be made from deal with him."

 _Shit. That didn't mean…?_

"Did he say anything else?" I asked slyly as I sipped my drink and kept my eye on the rest of the VIP. I was still checking my surroundings to make sure no one noticed her quick move to us.

Kristina furrowed her brow and then turned to me.

"He said he didn't want to be minon?"

"Minon? Do you mean minion?"

"Yes, that's it." She smiled. A dark look crossed my face and I stared at her.

"Did he say anything else at all?" I asked her intently.

"No." She shook her head. "He just kept asking about industry… and the other said no, no, no…and why you want me back. And then he said he didn't want to be minion." She looked at me with trepidation.

I knew I was wearing an intense look because she slouched away. I recovered the best I could.

"Did I do okay?" She asked quietly.

"Of course. You did great." I gave her a half armed hug and shot Clearwater a look. We needed to get out of here and now. He nodded and we told the girls good-night. I gave Ivanova the sign as we made our way out and she returned it, but with a confounded look.

We sped away from the club and returned to my apartment where I instantly began pacing.

"Fuck."

"What's going on E?"

"I don't know Seth, I don't know. But I think that the Reycon exec is selling goods to the Dracs." I paced and took off my jacket and threw it over my couch.

I went to the kitchen and poured a drink. It was almost 2:00 A.M. and yet I wasn't even remotely tired. My mind was racing.

"The money to be made." Seth said matter of factly. "You think he's selling to the Dracs and for some reason wants Masen to sell his stock in his father's company. But why? What does that matter?"

"I don't know…unless whoever is in with Masen is a buyer?" I shook my head and downed a shot of Ketel One. "I have a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with the 'higher up', whoever the fuck that may be." I sighed.

Seth thought for a moment as he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

"What do you think the minion thing means?" He asked finally.

"I don't know that either." I pondered it. I didn't know who Masen could be referring to but I didn't like it. The whole thing seemed suspicious.

I paced back and forth thinking as Seth leaned against the counter doing the same.

At last I stopped.

I had to leave. I needed to go speak with someone, someone who knew the ins and outs of Reycon.

"I have to go."

"What? Where are you going?"

"I have to go see someone."

"At 3:00 in the morning?" Seth asked skeptically. He looked tired, and I should have been but I wasn't. I needed some answers, or at least some insights.

"Why don't you just crash here; I'll be back in the morning and we can hit the gym."

"E, aren't you going to sleep?"

"No, I'll sleep tomorrow."

"Okay."

"Just crash on the couch. I'll be back."

I quickly ran into my bedroom and slipped on some black pants, black shirt and a jacket. I said good-bye to Seth as I hurried out to make my way to the Upper East Side.

I was fighting off a suspicion in the back of my head. But I wouldn't acknowledge it until I talked to my father. It was just too awful to think about.

As I slipped into my parent's townhome close to 4:00 I noticed the quiet. The house was warm as always. The lights were obviously off and I was sure my parents were asleep. I needed to wake them without scaring either of them. I noticed my Mother's cell phone sitting on the table where she always put it and dialed the house phone from it.

I could hear the phone ring throughout the house as well as in my ear. After three rings my Mom groggily answered.

"Hello?"

"Mom…uh…its' me. I'm downstairs."

"Edward?" I could tell she was confused.

"Can you come downstairs?"

"Um. Of course."

I shut the phone and I could hear her stirring upstairs. Three minutes later she appeared at the kitchen doorway wide eyed and panicked.

"Edward what's going on? Is it your father?" She looked worried.

"No." I looked at her confused. I expected my father to be next to her. "Where is Dad?"

She covered her heart and took a deep breath. "He's uh…he's in Philadelphia…for work." She sighed.

I stepped over to her and grabbed her other hand.

"I'm sorry I scared you Mom." She nodded and breathed more easily then. "I didn't realize you were home alone…and I didn't want to wake you up face to face, I figured that would be worse." I said sincerely.

"It's okay… you just startled me is all." She waved her hand. "Um. Would you like some coffee or something?"

"Well, I actually came to talk to Dad, but…" I looked toward the ceiling realizing something else I needed to do while I was here. "I also need to look through some of Eric's things."

She shook her head in astonishment and gripped my hand. I was sure she was surprised; I had barely been able to talk about Eric, let alone go in his old room.

"Of course." She breathed and I pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry for scaring you Mom. Really, nothing is wrong…" At least I hoped not. "It's just easier to come in the night."

She nodded and hugged me back. I felt her tension ease and I stepped back.

"I will take that coffee though if you're offering." I gave her a small smile.

She smiled back and patted my cheek. I was so much different than the last time I saw my mother as well. I could see in her eyes that she was as curious as my Dad was, but she wouldn't say anything, not until I was ready.

We chatted for a few moments as the coffee pot whirred to life and then I sipped a cup of black Columbian.

I walked over to the bulletin board and noticed the dates and names of several appointments and dinners. One was the Whitlocks and another was my grandparents. Seeing the names made me think of Eliot and it was almost on the tip of my tongue to just tell her then. I thought about how I had been planning to come see her this weekend anyway. It worked out that I was here now.

But I waited. It was something I wanted to do with my father here and…shamefully I admitted I needed Bella at my side when I did it—even if we couldn't act like we were together.

"How is your mission going?" My Mom asked quietly.

I turned away from the calendar and looked at her and sighed.

"It's going well…but that's why I'm here. I can't tell you much except I need to look at a few things."

She nodded, obviously perplexed, and set down her glass.

"Well, I still have several of Eric's things in the closet in his old room. Why don't you start there?"

"Okay." I agreed and followed her upstairs to his room.

She opened the door and I was instantly barraged with childhood memories: the two of us running up and down the hall and into each other's rooms both laughing and fighting, sitting on his bed as we sorted through our baseball cards, building forts with the posts of his bed and his desk and chair and a million other memories that I couldn't name or remember clearly, but I knew they were there.

My Mom turned and gave me a sad smile and I squeezed her arm and moved past her. The room was much different now, since it was a guest bedroom and no longer a teenager's room as it was when he last lived here.

I turned around and took it in and then looked back at her and she looked both surprised and fearful.

"Edward." She breathed.

"Yeah Mom." I said quietly.

"Are you okay?" She peered at me as she stepped forward.

"Yeah why?"

"You just…you haven't…I mean." She shook her head and I walked over and patted her arm.

"I'm okay Mom."

"Okay." She shook her head astonished and then walked to the closet and pulled down several boxes and set them on the bed.

"Um…this is most of what I kept. It's mostly pictures and memorabilia." She shrugged, still gauging my reaction.

"Thanks Mom." I smiled up at her and she exhaled slowly.

I looked back down and opened a box to find pictures and baseball cards and numerous mementos from Eric's childhood.

She tentatively sat beside me as I went through it.

I knew that only a few months ago, it would have all but killed me to walk in this room, let alone go through these boxes. But I felt, again, a sense of relief at finally being here, with my mother by my side.

I quietly sorted and shifted through the things until she asked me if I remembered something.

Soon enough we were trading stories for each piece and laughing and remembering Eric's antics, or his voice, or the way his hair was always in his face.

I missed my brother, but I realized then that I missed my mother just as much and the way she and I just always knew each other. We truly had the same mannerisms, same resolve and same sense of humor as Bella said. She was a driven person, but with a dry wit unmatched by many. She worked hard, but loved to spend time out on the town with her friends or relaxing at the house in the Hamptons. She was passionate and caring and everything I wanted to be when I was growing up.

As I looked into her green eyes, my eyes, and noticed the small lines around them, I remembered sadly the way she looked at Eric's funeral. She was devastated, and I was so consumed with myself that I was never there for her.

I instantly felt a need to make amends for it and she shushed me.

"Edward. I don't know what has happened to you. And you don't have to tell me but…your father noticed it when you came to visit in July too. I wish I could have seen you then, but I can see what he was talking about." She smiled lightly.

"All I can tell you is that it's good Mom." I smiled and took a deep breath. "Unbelievable actually and I." I trailed off and looked at a picture of Eric and me from his high school graduation.

I looked into her eyes again. "Well…I'm going to be done after this…with undercover work anyway."

"Really?" She breathed with wide eyes and excitement in her voice. "I mean…it's not that I'm not proud of you…I will always be proud of you but…"

She looked down and twisted her wedding ring on her finger.

"What is it Mom?" I put my hand over hers and as she looked up with tears in her eyes, my throat constricted.

"I've just missed you so much honey and I feel like you're finally back…and the thought of _really_ having you back…the real you…well…it's more than I can say." Her lip trembled as tears spilled down her face and I sighed.

I hated myself for what I put my family through. I hated the way I wasn't there for them and then I dove into my job and my life without a thought as to how it would affect them.

But it was time to make amends. I had done it with Jasper, and to some extent with my father and Alice. But now, I needed to really start with the woman who I owed my life to. And not in the ways I owed Bella, but in so many others.

"I know Mom." I squeezed her hand and met her eyes trying to convey everything I needed to say. She didn't want an apology, but she had to know that I understood now, and someday I would say those words as well.

She pulled me into a hug and I held her tightly as the tears streamed down her face.

Finally she pulled back and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry honey…I just… I love you and I've missed you."

I nodded and cleared my throat, letting the relief and the moment wash over us before I looked down at the final box on the bed.

"Well I should get ready for work." She took a deep breath and stood up to make her way to the door.

I grabbed the final box and opened it and froze immediately.

 _How in the…?_

 _Where?_

 _But…?_

I stared at the things before me and my mind was instantly running rampant with questions.

"Mom." I rasped before she left the room.

She stopped and turned to look at me. "Yes honey?"

My hand was shaking as I reached into the box and pulled out Eric's watch. It was just like the watch I had, with his initials engraved on the back. It was his gift for graduation from Georgetown, just as mine was for my graduation from Columbia.

"Mom. Where did you get these?" I held up the watch completely perplexed by the fact that it was here. I was sure Eric wore his every day just as I wore mine. Surely this wasn't recovered from the Towers? It couldn't have been; everything was incinerated. And it was still in pristine condition.

"Oh. It was sent to us dear, someone found it in his locker at the gym or something." She smiled sadly looking at the watch.

I shook my head trying to make sense of the object in my hand.

 _But Eric always went to the gym at night._

 _Unless he forgot it there the day before?_

I looked at the watch. The time and date were set for 8:00 on September 10.

 _Did it stop on him and he left it there?_

All of a sudden my blood ran cold. He couldn't have left it there the day before. On September 10 he was in D.C. for business, because I was supposed to meet him for lunch and he couldn't.

 _What the fuck?_

I looked to see what else was in there.

His Dutch lion cuff links from our grandparents. Chapstick. And a few golf tees.

 _Golf tees? Eric didn't golf._

The entire box had me completely confused and I just stared at the items before me.

"Edward, are you okay?" Mom asked again.

"Um. I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Okay." She nodded and made her way out of the room.

I wondered then if there was anything else in the room. I stood up and walked over to his old desk. I rifled through the side with the filing materials, not finding anything of interest. I opened the side drawer to find several desk items and notepads.

At last I opened the pencil drawer, not seeing much else of interest before I stopped. There was a random key that looked like it belonged to a filing cabinet or desk drawer. I tried it on the other drawers just to see if it fit, but it didn't. I looked around the room and in the closet trying to find a filing cabinet, but there wasn't one.

I walked down to my father's study and tried everything in there but it still didn't fit.

 _What could the key be for?_

I was confused and still trying to figure out how Eric's items—that he always had—could have been left at his gym and sent to my parents?

I pondered it for a long while until I slipped the key in my pocket.

 _It couldn't be for the locker at the gym perhaps?_

It seemed odd, but I needed to try it. I was completely dumbfounded by the whole situation.

I quickly put away the boxes and looked around the room. Even though I was confused by the last box I felt better about going in there. The entire trip was surprisingly comforting even if I wasn't able to make any connections for my mission.

Once again I felt cleansed, as though I got rid of dead weight that had been hampering me for the last thirteen years. I didn't realize just how much I had been carrying around with me. Now I just needed to tell my family about Eliot and I would finally be able to start over.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to talk to my father about Reycon as I hoped, I would have to come back later in the week or pull him aside at the dinner party next Monday. I found the entire situation strangely linked. I could at least ask Bella tonight if she knew if Masen had any ties to Reycon.

I walked down the hallway and knocked on my parent's bedroom door.

"Mom?"

"Come in." She called.

I stepped in and noticed the large four poster bed perfectly made and my mother standing in front of the dressing mirror putting on her earrings. It was still quite early, but since I woke her up she decided to simply get ready for her day.

"Hey. I have to go, but I wanted to tell you good-bye." I said.

She turned and gave me a smile and walked over and pulled me into another hug.

"It was so good to see you."

"It was good to see you too Mom. I'll be back soon."

"You'll let me know when you're done?" She asked hopefully.

"I will. I promise." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and slipped out the back door once again in the early morning light.

I made my way home, thinking more about my night: what we saw at the club, the things I found in Eric's room and making amends with my mother. I felt much better than I did before I went to my parents even if I wasn't able to fit anything together just yet. Either way, I knew we weren't far from a big break and that alone gave me hope for the future.

I strode into my loft to find Seth still asleep on the couch and decided to simply stay up and hit the gym. I could catch a few hours later and then go to Bella's for dinner tonight. I decided to let the information from the last few days absorb and simply focus on Bella tonight. I needed some space and some time for it all to sink in. In the mean time, the best thing I could do was focus on something else. And I hoped she was feeling better because I definitely knew what I wanted to focus on.

*&^%$#

At 7:30 I knocked on Bella's door, having once again come in the front. She didn't answer so I tried the lock finding the door open. I stepped inside to hear Led Zeppelin over the speakers, rather loud, and I instantly smiled.

"Liefje?" I called out but she still didn't answer.

I kept going and rounded the corner for the kitchen.

"Liefje where are…"

 _Jesus H…_

I stopped in my tracks at the sight before me.

 ****** There standing at the counter was Bella in a black and red cherry blossom apron and what had to be five inch red heels.

 _Only the apron and the heels_.

 _Holy fuck._

"Liefje?" My eyes were wide and my mouth was dry. Her hair was in big loose curls, pulled half way up and spilling down over her shoulders in a sultry manner. Her eyes were dark and hooded. I knew that look, I _loved_ that look. And at once I felt every ounce of energy in my body shoot downward.

She stood there stirring a bowl of something and gave me a sly smile.

"Um." I licked my lips as she turned around and set down the bowl on the counter.

"Oh God." I groaned. She was only wearing a lacy black thong under the apron and my cock became impossibly hard at the sight.

 _Well. That wasn't what I expected for dinner._

 _But I wasn't complaining._

She turned around and gave me a devious smirk as she held up a spatula with something creamy on it.

"Taste test?" She smiled and I walked forward.

"Yes please." I smirked back and pulled the spatula into my mouth and made a display of licking the spatula clean.

Bella's eyes flashed and I moaned at the flavor.

Fuck, it was sensational…and it tasted just like her.

It was raspberry and dark chocolate goodness and I closed my eyes tasting the flavors. When I reopened them she was staring at my mouth and biting her lip.

I instantly pressed forward and took her lip in my mouth and ran my tongue over her lip leaving a trace of the sauce. She repeated the measure and then moaned as she tasted it.

"So I guess it's okay?" She said coyly.

"It's more than okay." I smiled at her wickedly and then gave her a kiss. I ran my hands down her arms and she shivered as our tongues danced together, still reveling in the raspberry and chocolate between us.

But then she stepped back and I groaned. I was starving, but I didn't care about dinner at the moment.

"Go take a seat. I'm going to serve you dinner."

"What if I don't care about dinner?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well, that's too bad because you are just going to have to wait." She responded.

"And what if I don't want to wait?" I asked as I stepped up and pushed her against the counter. My hands continued their trail up and down her arms.

She licked her lips and her eyes were dark and yearning. I could so easily toss her up on the counter and have my way with her as I had more than once before. But I had a feeling she had something a little more…special planned.

"You know what they say…good things _come_ to those who wait?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me and I chuckled lowly. I didn't miss the double entendre in her voice.

I leaned forward and placed my hands on her hips as I pushed my hardness against her. She gasped and I brushed my nose along the base of her neck, watching as goose bumps raced down her neck and her arms. I kissed her lightly below the ear and then stepped back.

"I did come for dinner after all. What am I having?" I toyed back.

"Go sit in the dining room and you'll find out."

I smirked at her and kissed her—hard, conveying how _I_ was feeling. Then just as abruptly I backed away and shot her a glance as I walked out of the kitchen.

 _Damn..._

I looked at the table and it was set with wine, salad and Bella's special potatoes. Two candles were lit and Led Zeppelin's bluesy sounds were still blaring over the speakers.

She followed me in with two plates topped with filets.

"Filet? Special occasion?" I asked as I took my seat.

"Nothing in particular." She smiled. "Except I thought I should make up for burning our steaks the first time."

She bent down right in front of me so that I could see her breasts almost entirely and I groaned.

"Liefje."

"What?"

I shook my head at her and she took her seat.

I took a large gulp of my wine and stared at her as she went about cutting her steak and taking a bite.

"Mmmm. The butcher was right. This is a really good cut of meat." She took a sip of her wine and continued to eat.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. He said I would like it."

"And do you?"

"I do. Of course I do like meat." She shrugged coyly and I just shook my head and chuckled again.

We continued to eat and banter with innuendo. By the time I finished my filet the sexual tension in the room was stifling.

"Aren't you going to eat any more?" She asked huskily.

I leaned forward and clasped my hands under my chin as I peered at her. "I'm not hungry for any more food." I said thickly.

She mirrored my position and pursed her lips.

"Are you ready for dessert?"

"No."

"So what are you hungry for?"

I leaned forward a little farther and looked right into her eyes.

"You."

She licked her lips and then stood up from the table. I followed her with my eyes as she slowly walked around to my side of the table. I spun my chair around to face her and placed my hands on her waist, gripping her tightly.

She put her hands on my shoulders and bent down to my ear taking one lobe in her mouth. Her perfect breasts were right in front of me and I wanted to take them in my mouth, but I also wanted to know what she had planned. The anticipation and build-up from dinner was making me all the more eager.

"Well, you can have me, but I would much rather finish my dinner first."

I glanced at her plate and noticed it was clean.

"I thought you were done?" I rasped and tipped my head back as her lips continued a slow dance up and down my neck and I rubbed my fingers against the bare skin of her back. I could tell I was losing control of the situation and for once I didn't care.

"No. There's one more thing I wanted to have."

"What's that?" I asked gruffly. Her teeth were now nipping at the base of my neck and I was lost in her ministrations.

"Well, I could tell you." She said as she licked over a tiny bite and shockwaves ran through my body and straight to my painfully hard cock. "But I would rather show you."

The next thing I knew her fingers were deftly opening my buttons and tugging my pants and boxers to release my straining erection.

She grasped me in her hand and I clutched her waist more tightly. But as she shimmied herself down my body I dropped my head back knowing what she was going to do.

I ran my hand through her hair and shuddered as she bent down. It was as if it was in slow motion. She pursed her perfect lips and kissed right on the tip of my cock, sending a jolt of electricity through me.

"Fuck Liefje." I groaned and curled her hair around my hand.

Suddenly she engulfed me with the heat of her mouth and I swore loudly again.

She took me in as far as possible and then licked up and down my length, working me slowly and perfectly to edge and then pulling back. The sight of her before me, her chestnut waves spilling over my hands and the feel of their silkiness in my fingers was beyond amazing. Seeing her perfect red lips wrapped around my cock sent a shudder through my body.

 _Fuck she was good at that._

I just stared at her, trying to comprehend the scene before me, but I was overcome with desire.

She grasped the base of my cock with her hand and worked it in tandem with her mouth, her hot, wet heat encasing me and driving me insane. I groaned again and threw my head back.

I felt myself hit the back of her throat and that knowledge finally sent me over the edge.

"Bella…Liefje…Oh Fuck…I'm coming." I groaned loudly spilling into her mouth as she took me in.

I came over and over, yet I didn't feel like I was done, I felt like I could go again and I was instantly overcome with the need to have her right there.

I grabbed her shoulders and lifted her to my lap. I ripped her thong from her body and shoved the top of the apron aside as my mouth met hers hungrily.

"God damn Liefje, you're so fucking sexy with the apron and the heels." I ran my hands down her body and stroked her to make sure she could take me.

"Ugh. Edward." Her eyes met mine and I could feel her heart racing under my hands. I shifted her right over me and without another thought I plunged into her.

She was tight and wet and the feeling of her around me was even more intense than that of her mouth.

She threw her head back as she took in every inch of me and I felt like I was going to come again. Fuck. I had never been so turned on as to come twice like that.

I gripped her waist and lifted her up slamming her back down on me and she cried out at the depth I was reaching inside her. I wanted to get her there. Fuck, I needed her there after what she just did for me.

"Edward. Oh God!" Her head was back, her eyes were closed and I could feel her hair brushing against my hands on her back.

"Yessss." I groaned at the sight and the feel of her around me.

"Fuck, Bella, let me hear you." I took her nipple in my mouth as I continued lifting her and thrusting up as much as possible. She clawed at my shoulders trying to gain leverage and work with me. We were frantic and needy and screaming toward our release after the pent up tension from dinner.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck." She bit her lip and pressed her forehead to mine, her eyes boring into me. "So close, so close."

I reached down to press my thumb to her and at once she exploded around me screaming my name, and I thrust into her and joined her once again.

"Ugh. Jesus Bella! Oh Fuck Liefje!" I came again—hard—as she clenched me impossibly tight inside of her and I dropped my head to her shoulder panting.

 _Holy fucking hell._

I had never come so hard in my life, or twice like that. Unbelievable.

I pulled my head up to hers and ran my thumbs over her cheekbones as I kissed her reverently. Her tongue stroked mine and we were still slowly rocking and bringing each other back down.

I wrapped my arms around her and clutched her to my chest, not wanting to be separated from her just yet. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. I was utterly spent as I held her in my arms.

At last she sighed and kissed me lightly and brushed a strand of hair off my forehead as she looked into my eyes.

"I take it you liked dinner?" She asked with a smile.

I kissed her forcefully and pressed my forehead to hers. "You have no idea."

She chuckled and climbed off my lap. She tugged at my jeans and I lifted my hips as she pulled them down, leaving me in my boxers and t-shirt.

She adjusted her apron and then patted my cheek. I was in a daze, completely sated and lost in the moment contrived by the sexy vixen before me.

"Why don't you go put on a movie and I will join you with dessert."

"We're going to have dessert now? I don't know if I can handle that." I pulled her back to me and wrapped my arms around her and leaned my head against her stomach.

She chuckled lowly and ran her hands through my hair. I sighed and kissed her right over her stomach and she giggled.

"I made your favorite. That's what the sauce was for."

"Cheesecake?" I gave her an excited smile as I looked up.

She smiled widely and ran her hand through my hair again.

"Of course."

"God, I really love you." She laughed again and walked toward the kitchen after I lightly slapped her ass. I blew out the candles and took the plates in after her as well as the wine.

I went to put a movie on as she dished up the cheesecake and poured the raspberry dark chocolate sauce over top. I walked into the living room and threw my jeans into her bedroom and stripped down to only my boxers. She followed and set the cheesecake and some more wine on the coffee table before putting on a tank and some boy shorts. I grabbed us a blanket and she curled into my side as we started the movie.

But I wasn't paying attention to the movie. Instead I was focused on the sexy, beautiful and surprising woman in my arms and feeding each other the most delicious cheesecake and sauce I had ever tasted.

I sometimes couldn't believe the divergence of the two lives I led.

I sighed and pulled her in to me. Regardless of my mission, regardless of Eliot or the connections to her, I never felt as home as I did when I had her in my arms or heard her sweet voice.

She told me about her day as I did mine. I told her about seeing my Mom and she agreed that it was good for both of us. When I asked her about Masen and Reycon, she didn't know anything. But it didn't matter.

We ate and laughed and I asked how her tooth was feeling. I tickled her when she teased me and kissed her when she complimented me and brushed my fingers over her cheeks when she blushed.

And I knew, as I had for the last month, that there was no better distraction in the world than Bella. And even more truly, there was no one, and there never could be anyone else for me.

I would focus on my mission. I would bring it to an end and then I would transfer to a different position. I would put my undercover days behind me and finally gain closure in my life, finally heal the gaping wound that I had for too long. Because I knew, even after my mission ended, after I decided what I wanted to do and once I ensured she was safe, Bella was all I would ever need.

 **XXXX**

 **A/N:**

"Oh Bella. Ik hou meer van je dan mijn leven, je bent mijn zon, mijn licht, mijn leven, mijn alles. Ik kan niet leven zonder je, liefje."

 _Oh Bella. I love you more than my life, my sun, my licht, my life, my everything. I can't live without you Liefje._

"Je hebt me gered, liefje. Je zal nooit weten hoe erg je mij hebt gered. Ik hou van je."

 _You saved me Liefje, you'll never know how much how you saved me. I love you._

 **XXXX**


	19. Chapter 19: And the Walls Come Crashing

**Chapter 19: And the Walls Come Crashing Down**

 ** _"_** ** _In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

"Have a good day." I kissed him one more time before he slipped out. "I love you."

"I love you too." He took a deep breath. "I'll see you tonight."

"You will." I brushed my hand over his cheek and he slipped out of the fire escape.

The last few weeks had been a bit crazy, but tomorrow night was the big night. We were having the dinner party at Carlisle and Esme's.

It was early morning and I wanted to go for a run in the park before I had to be to Brooklyn for my final class of the summer session. I knew I had a big day ahead of me.

After our last class I was planning to talk to Angela about the big reveal tomorrow night. Last week Edward made the trip to Brooklyn to talk to her about revealing their identity to his family. She was actually relieved and agreed to it. She also thought it was time to quit hiding it and get it out in the open. I think they both realized they made a mistake in keeping it locked up for so long.

To say that I was surprised when he told me was true. But I was less shocked than I had imagined. As I told him it was so much different now that I knew him. I still didn't know what to think of Eric, but having heard his perspective on it, including the fact that Eric regretted his actions immensely, I started to see it all in a different light.

But something nagged at me about the situation as well. I couldn't quite figure out why Eric would want to keep it such a secret. I could understand Angela's intentions more, but not necessarily Eric's. Nonetheless, I wanted to help Edward in any way that I could. I was going to pretend to be "friends with him" when I spoke with Angela today and let her know what his plans were for telling his family.

Of course tomorrow night would be entirely different. We were planning a dinner party in Alice and Jasper's honor at 7:00. Once the celebration cooled a bit, Edward was planning to come over to surprise his family and give them the news. Later, Angela and Eliot, as well as Ben, would drive over from Brooklyn so that they could all meet.

But of course we weren't going to reveal our relationship to them. I agreed with Edward, there was no sense in telling more people until we knew what my connection was to the investigation. Not to mention, we thought it would be enough drama and surprise for one night to introduce them to Eliot. So we decided to simply act as friends that made dinner at Alice and Jasper's one night and got to talking about my volunteer work only to find out that I knew Angela.

 _It was a fail proof plan right?_

Things had quieted down on the "connections" front, but Edward was still wary. I hadn't seen James in over a month, nor did I have any run-ins with Alec or Demitri. Nevertheless Edward obtained a panic button for me through the FBI. He had it programmed so that I could hit it in case I was ever attacked. It would automatically send out a 911 call and signal to my location. I knew he was worried, so I didn't want to argue, even though I thought it was a bit of overkill. But I had to admit the connections were very strange and very hard to ignore.

I continued to receive flowers and I still didn't know what to make of them. Our interns' last week was the next week and I was curious to see if they would stop. Tyler and Mike still tried to flirt with me and the girls all snickered every chance they got, which led me to believe they were behind it.

Even so, the flowers were still strange and had odd meanings.

On the 15th I received red tulips. I once again looked it up to find a vague and ill-fitting meaning:

 _Red Tulip- Believe me, declaration of_ love.

I really didn't know what to make of them. Part of me also wondered if the person sending them even knew the meanings. But the problem was some of the flowers were so abstract and unusual to be sent as flowers that they almost _had_ to know the meaning.

I quickly changed into my running clothes and grabbed my iPod. I clipped my panic button to my shorts and headed out the door.

As I ran I thought about Edward. He had come so far in the last few months. After he told me about Eliot and then seeing his Mom a few days later, I knew how much progress he had made. He was finally letting go. He was finally moving to a place where he could remember his brother and be sad but also hopeful and not let it crush him like it had for so long.

I could see it reflect in so many other ways as well. He was, as always, caring and passionate. But I got to see his playful side more and more and I loved it. I truly loved everything about him. I couldn't imagine my life without him even if what we had still wasn't to be revealed.

I honestly didn't care at this point. And for the first time in my life I was thinking about things, truly thinking about things like marriage, children, building a home with him and creating a life together. I knew he was going to be done with undercover work after this mission and I had to admit I was ecstatic about it. Although we hadn't broached the big marriage and babies' discussion, I knew I wanted him forever and he told me the same all the time. The way he looked at me, touched me, I knew. I didn't have to hear him say it because our hearts and minds were connected in a way I never thought possible. The magnitude of the love I felt for him was indescribable.

This was why I was going along with his strict instructions to always have my phone and now carry the panic button. I knew I was an independent, and forthrightly stubborn, woman. But to keep his mind at ease, until the end of the mission, I would do those few things for him because I loved him. I didn't want him to worry. He was healing; he was doing so well and I wanted him forever, the _real_ him forever. So for this short amount of time, I could handle it.

As I made my turn for home I thought about the next two days ahead, wondering just what they would bring. I didn't know how to explain it, but I had a feeling about the meeting tomorrow night and I was nervous. But I would always be there for him and I knew he would be there for me. I just had to hope that someday all of the clouds would clear and we could move forward together.

*&^%$#

"Hey Angela, is this box the last of the supplies?" I hollered down the hall.

"Yeah Bella, Zafrina said to put them in the storage closet across the hall." She turned and finished carrying a box back to the office and I turned off the lights.

We just finished our final class of the summer and I was sad but also relieved to be done with another session. I locked up the room and grabbed the final box to put in the storage closet before making my way outside.

Ben agreed to take Eliot to the diner down the street for lunch while Angela and I went to the same deli we went to for our first lunch. She and I had become much closer since that day, and we had gone to lunch and even hung out in Brooklyn a few more times since then. She and Ben really hit it off and were head over heels for one another. They were both quiet and reserved but just seemed to understand one another on a level no one else did. I was very happy for them and a bit giddy about the fact that I helped play a hand in it.

And Ben and Eliot were like two peas in a pod. I could see Angela's eyes light up every time he played with Eliot, or took him for shakes or picked him up from baseball. He was the father that Eliot never had and Angela was finally starting to feel like she wasn't so isolated anymore.

I think it also helped Edward. After I told him about knowing Angela, I explained what I knew of their relationship. I think he was glad for both Angela and Eliot, and also somewhat relieved. I knew that part of the reason he was so weighed down by his decision to keep it quiet was the fact that he was trying to replace his brother. Now he didn't have to. He could just be Uncle E.

I walked outside into the bright sunlight and waved to Ben and Eliot across the parking lot as Angela strode back over.

"Ready?" I smiled.

"As I'll ever be."

"Don't be nervous Ang, it will be fine, I promise. Carlisle and Esme are two of the nicest people I have ever met and so are Alice and Jasper—even though Alice is a little hard to contain sometimes." I chuckled.

She took a shaky breath and I laced my arm through hers as we walked towards the deli. We sat down with our usual sandwiches and sodas and started to talk about the plans for the following evening. Angela began to relax a bit when she knew how we were proceeding with everything. I assured her it would be fine and that I would be there to help her. She seemed curious about how I knew Edward, but I sidestepped it as much as possible and she didn't push it. Someday I would tell her. Angela was becoming a close friend and I didn't like to lie to her.

Once we said good-bye I made my way down to Charlie's after I stopped at the corner store for some groceries and some beer and wine. I was hoping to spend the afternoon with him and maybe make him some meals to freeze for the next few weeks.

I knew he and Sue were still dating and she came over a few nights a week, so I didn't have to completely cook for him. But I still enjoyed the time with my Dad and helping him out in any way that I could.

I knocked on the front door before I opened it and stepped inside.

"Dad?" I bellowed, but I didn't get a response.

I walked through the house towards the kitchen and finally to the back door. I could hear his voice and I stopped when I saw him sitting on the back step on his cell phone arguing with someone on the other end of the line.

"Dave, I know. You don't have to tell me that." Charlie said.

The other person spoke and Charlie grunted and harrumphed a few times into the receiver.

"Dave. I've been documenting everything. The strange hours, the use of police property, the tips we've gotten. Eventually we'll have to let the FBI take it, but I just have to be sure."

 _FBI?_

Of course my ears really perked up with that.

"Mmmhmm." He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. It was Charlie's little irritated gesture.

I knew I shouldn't be listening, but I wasn't sure how to interrupt either. Plus I was very curious as to who he was talking about.

"Yeah…I think a lot of money…no, I don't know how he got mixed up with them, but I have a guess."

"Mmmhmm…yes…fine…well it wouldn't be the first time that son-of-a-bitch has messed up someone's life…Mmmhmm…..okay let me know what you find out."

Okay, time to leave now. I stepped back toward the kitchen forcing myself to break away before my father knew I was listening. I began to unpack the groceries when I heard the back door clang and Charlie's shoes on the hardwood floor.

"Hey Bells. I didn't hear you come in." He stopped in the doorway a bit nervously.

"Hey Dad. I just got here. I thought I could make you a few things that you can freeze." I smiled.

"Uh…thanks. I'm gonna go take a shower. I just got home not too long ago." I noticed he had his work clothes on and must have gone into the office.

"Dad, since when do you have to work on the weekends?"

"Yeah, well, I guess being the Captain I have a lot more paperwork." He grumbled. "Especially these days."

"Something going on?" I asked trying to hide my curiosity.

He blew out a breath before he scratched the back of his head again.

"Well…uh…I'm afraid we have a couple of rogue cops in our precinct." But he said it without looking at me and I just nodded.

"You want to talk about it."

"Nah. I'm gonna shower and I'll be down in a minute."

I smiled and turned back to the groceries and thought about what he said. Charlie rarely swore and he called someone a SOB earlier. I knew his job was much more demanding now that he was the Captain, but he seemed suited to it. Charlie didn't get too worked up over anything. He always had an even keel. Which was good, considering his precinct consisted of old Italian and Irish working class families, Puerto-Rican Americans, Eastern European, Chinese and several other nationalities of immigrants in one very small and diverse area. Tensions could run high now and then.

I set to making my Grandma Swan's red sauce so that I could put together a pan of lasagna and some meatballs for the next few weeks. I let my mind wander to Brad and going to my Grandma's after school and the boys down the street. Grandma Lucy always had milk and cookies for us after school and I would often help her cook dinner while Brad played outside with Jacob, Jared and Sam. My Grandma spoke broken English as she came over from Italy after the Second World War

Her name was Luciana Rinaldi, until she met my Irish grandfather and became a Swan. She was beautiful with dark soulful eyes and a bright smile. She was widowed at the age of twenty-seven with two young boys, my father and his brother. She supported them with her work as seamstress and out of my Grandpa's retirement fund from the Army. They didn't have a lot of money, but Grandma Lucy had the biggest heart and she loved to share it with everyone, especially through her food. She would teach me new things every day after school and was the reason I loved to cook and try new recipes. Even though she mostly stuck to Italian food, her cooking was sensational and I was able to transfer over much of what she taught me. Unfortunately she died of breast cancer when I was thirteen and I began preparing things for my Dad and brother at home myself after that.

Thinking about my Grandma made me think of Brad and Jacob. I was concerned with what Edward told me about Jacob. I couldn't help but think of how disappointed Brad would be in his best friend.

Suddenly I stopped dicing the tomatoes and onions on my cutting board and my hand started to shake a bit.

 _Was my father talking about Jacob?_

He was the Captain; he had to know right? I thought about the conversation and what he said about the person he was checking up on: reporting it to the FBI, owing money, and knowing the "SOB" that got him connected. At once my mind took off like a tangent as I started to think about the possible connections.

Maybe Jacob knew someone from the organized crime family, or knew someone who was involved with them.

But who?

At once it hit me.

 _Phil._

It had to be. I stood there staring at the kitchen wall as my mind took me back over ten years.

 _"_ _Brad, what's up man? Why did you come out here?" Jake threw his arm around his neck as I noticed them walk out on the patio. I was sitting in a lounge chair reading a book by Phil and Renee's pool trying to get the last little bit of sun of the summer. It was Labor Day of my senior year and my Mom and Phil had invited us over for their annual party. They were inside getting everything ready for the guests who would show in a few hours._

 _"_ _Hey Bell." Jake eyed me and Brad elbowed him, causing him to double over. "What the fuck man?"_

 _"_ _Keep your eyes off my sister douche."_

 _I smirked at Brad and Jake shot him a dirty look. "Whatever." He muttered and took a sip of his beer. He was still finishing up his training to become a police officer but Brad had been a cop for over a year._

 _"_ _Hey did you see that Phil had three hits including a homerun last night?"_

 _"_ _What the fuck do I care?" Brad growled. He did not like our step dad but for some reason Jake and Phil hit it off._

 _"_ _Dude, even though I am Yankees fan, it's pretty cool that your step dad is a freaking major league player. He just signed a one year contract to be the Mets DH for $2 Million. I'd love to make that kind of money some day." He rubbed his hands together._

 _Brad rolled his eyes and tossed his bottle in the outside trash can. "Get over it Jake, there's no such thing as a quick buck, who knows who he screwed for that."_

 _"_ _Brad!" I finally chimed in. I knew he didn't like Phil, and he tolerated going over there for holidays, which was a lot of the reason that Jake often came with us. But he really needed to let it go._

 _Jake sensed Brad's tension when he looked at him and then glanced back at me._

 _"_ _So Bells, what are you reading? One of those hoity toity chic books?"_

 _"_ _Yeah Jake, Pride and Prejudice is really hoity toity." I rolled my eyes at him. He couldn't find his way out of a box if someone opened the lid and tipped it over._

 _"_ _Why don't you go you drool over Phil's baseball stories some more." I teased him._

 _Jake scoffed. "I don't drool."_

 _"_ _Yeah right…you're always all 'Phil what was it like to play in the Series with the A's?' and 'Phil, what was it like to hit 370?' and 'Phil…'." He cut me off with a noogie before I could continue in my sing song voice._

 _I laughed at him until I yelled "uncle" and he finally stopped._

 _The three of us decided to get in the pool before the guests arrived and Phil and Renee needed our help with anything. We were hitting around a beach ball when Phil came out on the patio._

 _"_ _Hey Jake, you have a minute, I want to show you something." Phil nodded toward the house._

 _Jake all but sprinted out of the pool and grabbed a towel as he hurried inside._

 _"_ _What's that all about?" I turned to Brad after he closed the door._

 _"_ _Who the fuck knows? You know Jake, the grass is always greener…" He trailed off. "C'mon Bells, one on one volleyball." Brad spiked the ball at me and I screeched, effectively changing the subject. I didn't think anything else of what Jake and Phil were doing…_

I pulled myself out of my memory and I realized I was standing with a knife in one hand and an onion in the other. My eyes were watering from the cut up onion and I shook my head to snap out of it.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I turned to look at my dad who had a concerned look on his face. I stared at him for a minute until I realized I had tears running down my face and I started to laugh.

"Yeah, sorry Dad, it's the onion." I held it up for him and he chuckled. Then he thought for a moment.

"Um. I was kind of thinking Sue could join us for dinner if you don't mind."

"Oh. Um…" Damn, I was going to have dinner with Edward tonight before he had to go to the club. But I really hadn't spent much time with my Dad lately and I felt bad.

"Sure Dad." He nodded and I went back to cutting up the onion.

I quickly text Edward to let him know I wouldn't be back in Manhattan until at least 8:00 and if he needed to head out before then, not to worry about it. He said he would just swing by "John's" and stop over before they left.

I spent the rest of the afternoon making two pans of lasagna, one for dinner and one to freeze, as well as a chicken and broccoli casserole and homemade macaroni and cheese. All of which I let cool and then scooped into the twenty Tupperware containers I bought my Dad for Christmas a few years ago.

At 5:00 Sue knocked on the door and I had just poured a glass of wine and set out a beer for my Dad.

"Hi Sue!" I gave her a quick hug and she smiled. I could tell she was still a bit nervous about the whole situation, but I had known her my whole life so I wanted to make her feel more at ease.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" I added.

"Yes, that would be great Bella." She smiled. I nodded and noticed my Dad eye her cheesily and I had to contain my giggle. They really were too cute, and made a great couple. I was honestly happy for both of them.

The three of us sat down to dinner promptly at 5:30 and Sue and I chatted as Charlie even chimed in now and then. Even when we weren't talking we simply ate in a comfortable silence. It reminded me a lot of when my Dad, Brad and I had dinner growing up.

I noticed Sue was a bit tense and I saw her share a glance with Charlie.

"Sue is something wrong?" I asked as I finished my last bite of lasagna.

"No…well, it's nothing to worry about Bell it's just…I'm a little worried about Jacob and Leah that's all." She waved her hand dismissively. Sue was a very private person so I didn't want to press her on it.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." I said.

She took a deep breath and a sip of her wine when she looked at me again. "Bella you should probably know that Leah lost the baby. She had a miscarriage last week."

"Oh I'm so sorry Sue." I put my hand over hers. Even if Leah hated me, I really didn't have any ill will towards her. "Please tell Leah and Jacob I'm thinking of them."

Charlie sighed loudly and Sue shot him a look.

 _What the hell was going on here?_

Then it struck me. If Jacob was the rogue cop that Charlie had been talking about, then his activities had to have been noticed by Leah.

And maybe even affected her?

 _Oh no, I hoped that wasn't the case._

I quickly changed the subject but categorized the information for later. We finished dinner and dessert until I said good-bye and went home to Manhattan. Something was definitely going on with Jacob and I needed to tell Edward about it. I thought more about my memory and his potential connection to Phil. Something just didn't sit right there.

I rushed into my building, hoping to catch the guys before they left and caught the elevator to my floor.

I opened up my apartment to find the lights on and music playing. It was the standard cue for when Edward was here before me. He didn't want to scare me so he always turned things on for when I arrived home.

I stepped inside and my breath caught in my throat at the same time a jolt of electricity raced through my veins.

 _Oh Apollo. You really outdid yourself this time._

Edward was leaning against my breakfast bar reading something in one hand and sipping a clear drink, which I could only assume was Ketel One, with the other. He had on a dark gray suit with a shine to it, and crisp white shirt with the buttons opened on top. His hair screamed sex as it was a tousled disarray on his head. My mouth started watering at the sight of him. I had seen him in his tux at the fundraiser, but this was so… _Armani,_ and sophisticated and just… _fuck_!

"Well look at you handsome." I smiled at him, realizing I had on my Yankees tee…yeah, _that_ Yankees tee…shorts and sandals.

"Well hello yourself beautiful." He smirked at me as he stood up fully and sauntered over.

 _Seriously, it really wasn't fair that he looked like that._

His green eyes were dancing with mirth as he wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on my lips.

 _Oh he totally knows the affect he has on me._

He lingered longer than a mere welcoming and I started to snake my arms around his neck and pull him closer. He tasted sweet and fresh like peppermint and Edward with a hint of vodka and I was getting lost in his tongue stroking against mine. My hands began to wander down his back as his grazed up under my shirt. We were quickly rounding first base when he pulled back and I whimpered.

He chuckled under his breath and I lightly bit at his neck, knowing that made him crazy. He growled and it was my turn to laugh as I could tell we were both a little worked up from our exchange.

 _God the things this man does to my body._

He smirked down at me then and gave me a light kiss before pulling away.

"Trust me, I want to Liefje…but I have to go with Emmett." He ran his hand through my hair as I sighed. "But I promise to make up for it later." He whispered seductively.

"You better." I teased and put my hands on his lapel, straightening it for him.

He laughed and tapped my nose as he stepped back. "I just wanted to say hello before I left. I'll sneak in later."

"Will you now?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and decided I wanted to make him really eager to come back tonight. So I closed the distance to him again and wrapped my arms around his neck as I brought my lips to his ear.

"You know that's my favorite…" I said huskily.

"What's that?" His voice was hoarse and I applauded myself in my head.

"When you sneak into my room at night and ravage me." I lightly licked the lobe of his ear as his hands gripped my waist and I heard a low moan rumble in his chest.

"Fuck Liefje. I have to go to work and I can't have this…" He ground into me and I felt his impossibly hard length against my stomach and gasped. "distracting me."

"Well then…go work hard so you can come back and play… _hard_." I antagonized him.

"Hmmm. You don't know what you have started Ms. Swan." He said as he pulled me into him and I was drowning in the feeling of his lips on my neck and the hard lines of his body against me. His scent surrounded us and my body was literally quivering with want for him.

 _Jesus, you'd think I took an aphrodisiac or something._

 _Ok Edward in a suit equals an aphrodisiac apparently._

I began to kiss him again, our tongues battling this time as my fingers found his messy bronze mane and he grazed the underside of my breasts with his thumbs. Just as I was about to push him back against the wall a loud knock banged out behind us and I jumped.

"Bella! I know you're there, and I know what you're doing!" Emmett boomed teasingly.

Of course he wouldn't say Edward's name or even infer that he was in here, but nevertheless it was funny. We were both chuckling at the interruption.

Edward took a deep breath and stepped back and I instantly missed his warm body against mine.

He put his thumb and forefinger on my chin and gave me a short kiss.

"Later." He whispered with a devious smirk and kissed me again before he stepped toward the door.

Just as he was grabbing the handle and I was quite apparently admiring his magnificent form in the lines of his suit, he turned back to me and I blushed immediately. He totally caught me and grinned wickedly.

"Oh and Bella."

"Yeah?" I tried to compose myself as I looked at pure sex incarnate before me.

"Wear the Yankees tee." He winked as he opened the door and left.

 _Oh Sweet Mother of God._

 _Yes, whatever you say Apollo._

*&^%$#

After Edward returned that evening we spent the next two hours making up for our night apart. Sometime around 4:00 in the morning we finally fell asleep only to awake to a dreary Sunday morning only six hours later.

I told him about what I overheard with Charlie and he said that for the first time he had seen Jacob at the club last night. Seth was pissed, and I was too now that I knew about Jacob and Leah's troubles. I wanted to smack him upside the head. As much as Jake bugged me, he was still a childhood friend and my brother's best friend. I felt like I should be doing something about it.

"Mmmm. Mijn Zon, we should probably get up." He nuzzled my cheek as his warm body pulled me close.

I sighed. "I know. Just five more minutes."

We lay in bed as I pressed my lips to his chest and he ran his fingers through my hair. I loved the weekends. I loved being able to sleep in with him and simply feel…connected. I had never felt so close with anyone as I did Edward. We could complete each other's thoughts and sentences to the point it was almost scary.

 _Scary, and thrilling and the best I have ever felt in my life._

After a few more minutes of peaceful silence, he kissed my head and shuffled out of bed. I admired his perfect naked form as he walked to the bathroom with his tatts displayed across his sculpted back. My eyes wandered down to his taught ass as he closed the door behind him.

 _Damn. I am one lucky girl for that_.

I flopped back in bed. I knew part of the reason I was prolonging getting out of bed today was the big dinner tonight….well other than my perfect specimen of a man that just climbed in _my_ shower. But truly, I was nervous about how the whole affair was going to go down. I wanted to be there for Edward and I knew it was going to be difficult to do that when we weren't "outing" ourselves yet.

I needed to get up, but maybe we could have one more round in the shower at least before he left…relieve a little tension before tonight. I quickly decided to join him—no sense in wasting water and all that—and we quickly dressed and ate breakfast before he left for the day.

"So I'll see you there after 7:00?" I asked him as he gave me one more kiss good-bye.

He blew out a breath and nodded. I knew I needed to be there for him, in any way I could, and that included hiding my nervousness. I pulled him closer and ran my thumbs over his cheekbones. He sighed into me and I felt him start to relax.

"It's going to be fine Edward. Trust me."

"I know. This is just so odd…and I can't explain it, but I just have a bad feeling about today."

"I know. But I will be there for you, I promise."

"Okay." He kissed me tenderly and I melted into his embrace. "I'll text you when I'm on my way. You have your phone right?" He asked sternly.

"Yes, Apollo, I have my phone." He chuckled and gave me one more kiss before he slipped out the fire escape. "I love you."

"I love you too. It will be fine, I'll see you later." I smiled reassuringly.

He nodded before he stepped out and threw his jacket over his head to avoid the rain. The next time I would see him we would be telling his parents and two of my best friends some of the hardest news I've ever had to share.

I just hoped they could take it as I did.

*&^%$#

"Bella! It's so good to see you. I'm so glad we were able to do this!" Esme pulled me into a hug as I barely stepped in the door of their elegant townhome. It had been redecorated since the last time I was here, but that was only briefly when I picked Alice up for dinner one night.

"I'm glad we could do this too Esme. I thought I could just toss everything together here since it would be easier than carrying it." I held up the bags of groceries in my hands.

"Of course dear, come on inside and get of the rain." I smiled and slipped off my shoes as I followed Esme to their state of the art kitchen. Most kitchens in New York weren't very big. I was lucky that the previous owners of my condo enjoyed cooking and renovated to make my kitchen bigger. But the Cullens had a state of the art kitchen, perfect for moving around to make large meals with multiple people. It was light and bright and warm, just like Esme.

I began to pull out my ingredients and chatted with Esme. She was really the sweetest person, although I knew she was a bulldog when she needed to be. In a matter of minutes Alice fluttered in and the noise as well as activity level quadrupled, even though we only added one person.

"Hey!" She gave me a quick hug. "How's your tooth feeling?" She asked.

I grumbled. My stupid tooth. Last week I had an emergency root canal after I finally went in when my tooth had been hurting me for a few days.

"Did you do something to your tooth?" Esme asked concerned. I quickly explained the situation to her shrugging.

"It's fine. I had to get a crown and take penicillin and the whole bit. Not fun trust me." I rolled my eyes.

"Enough about me, how are you feeling?" I smiled as I turned back to Alice and looked at her now very rounded belly.

"Ugh. I swear. I am still measuring huge. These little ones are going to be monsters at this rate."

I chuckled. I was sure part of the reason Alice seemed so big was because she was so tiny. But she did look a lot bigger than seventeen weeks.

"Are you finding out soon?"

She grumbled again and explained that when they went in the twins were positioned so that they couldn't decipher for them. I was sure it was almost killing Alice, but surprisingly she told me they were just going to wait until they were born to find out now. I was shocked to say the least.

We set about to making dinner and I was amazed at how we worked alongside one another. We put Alice to work chopping things since she couldn't cook worth a damn. I felt at home and my mind instantly wandered to what it would be like if I was truly a part of the family.

 _Whoa, getting a bit ahead of yourself there Swan. They don't even know about your relationship._

Just as I was thinking about it, I heard Edward's name mentioned.

"Oh Alice, you should have seen him…I'm just…" Esme shook her head wistfully as I looked. "I don't know what's changed him, but he's like himself again." She smiled.

"I know Mom, I haven't seen him since the end of June when we told him about the baby, well now babies, but he already seemed different then."

I turned my face down trying not to blush. I hoped that I helped him, he surely helped me. I was also waiting for the inquisition. I knew it was coming; I could almost count it in my head.

"You know Bella; you never did say how well you know Edward when we spoke at the Fundraiser?" Esme inquired.

Shit.

I gulped. "Well, we made dinner one night when I went over to Alice and Jasper's early in the summer, I think he said it was his first week back…" I trailed off.

She looked at me intently then, and I could almost see the wheels spinning in her head.

"Did you know he's going to be done after this mission…with undercover work?" She asked as a small smile played across her face. "I should invite you over for dinner sometime once he's done."

My blush grew to a shade of what I was sure was scarlet. But before I could answer Alice piped up.

"Don't even try Mom, she's got some new guy in her life that she's head over heels for and won't even tell me about." Alice huffed.

"Ali?" I scowled.

"You think I don't know?" She raised her perfect brow at me. "You better spill soon Bell I have been very patient."

I had to laugh at her as she shook her paring knife at me with her protruding belly under her apron. She looked like a cartoon comic. Esme just shook her head.

"Alice. I am not secretly seeing anyone." I finally said, trying to sound exasperated.

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "Well, if you're not then I agree with Mom, you should definitely meet up with my brother. I could have lit a candle off of you two the night you made dinner." She smirked at me.

 _Oh if you only knew Alice…being around your brother is like pouring gasoline on a flame for me._

 _Except it's my entire body._

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing."

"See, there's that look again. What are you not telling me?" Her voice raised and all I could do was laugh until Esme finally stepped in.

"Oh Alice, leave the poor girl alone." She chuckled. Alice harrumphed and excused herself to use the restroom.

At that moment Esme took the opportunity to lean into my ear and whisper.

"Even though I must agree… I think you would be perfect for my son…and I couldn't imagine a nicer young woman to add to the family." She patted my arm and left to pull out her china.

I sighed shakily.

 _Shit this is harder than I thought tonight._

Luckily once they both returned the subject changed from Edward and me. We continued preparing for dinner as I looked at the clock. It was 6:45 and I quickly went to check my phone to make sure I didn't have any texts from Edward. I glanced outside and noticed it was rather ominous. The clouds were dark and a looming storm appeared in the sky. It had been raining all day, but it looked like a pretty nasty thunderstorm was brewing. I suddenly had a strange sense of foreboding that I couldn't shake.

 _Well that's not a good sign._

I shook it off and as I walked back in I noticed Esme on the phone and sounding concerned.

"Well is everything all right?" She nodded and I assumed it must be Carlisle she was talking to.

"Will you be home in time for dinner…Okay…Love you too." She ended the call.

"Is something wrong Mom?" Alice asked as she was setting the table.

"Oh…that was your father. He went into the office for a few hours this afternoon. But apparently something came up at work and he's going to be a few minutes late. He said to go ahead and eat; he didn't want to keep everyone waiting."

Alice shrugged and I helped them finish setting the table as a loud whack sounded outside. The lights even fluttered and I shivered a bit.

 _What the hell?_

Just then Jasper came in the back door and the doorbell rang at the front at the same time. Alice pulled Jasper into a hug and Esme went to greet Rose and Emmett.

But I noticed as Emmett walked in that he had a strange look on his face as well. It was a look I had only seen a few times, and generally it was when we were sitting in my apartment at my dining room table.

 _This can't be good._

"Hey Em…err…John. How are you?" I floundered and he pulled me in for a brief hug.

"I'm okay. I might have to leave early though." He said as he gave me a peculiar look. I just nodded, unsure how to take it but it didn't seem good.

We sat down to eat and I could feel a strange tension at the table. I had slipped my other phone in my pocket, waiting for Edward's text. We ate and chatted and asked Jasper and Alice about the twins as the minutes passed by. But I began to get worried. It was now pouring outside and thundering and lightning loudly.

I looked at my phone again and noticed it was 7:30.

Something was wrong, I could feel it. I looked at Emmett and he was tense as well. Rose eyed us both suspiciously but tried to keep up the conversation. They both knew about the big reveal tonight, which was part of the reason for inviting them. Nonetheless something just seemed off.

By the time we were plating the dessert at ten to 8:00 I was almost at my wits end.

 _He should be here by now._

 _And where's Carlisle?_

 _Should I text Angela and tell her not to come?_

 _Oh my God, I hope something's not wrong._

Just as I was about to get up and sneak a phone call or a text to him, the backdoor opened and a drenched Carlisle walked in. But it wasn't the fact that he was covered in rainwater, or stomping his feet on the back entry that caught my eye. It was the fearful look on his face that seemed as though someone had stabbed him in the heart.

I happened to be sitting in the dining room where only I could see him from my place at the table and we locked eyes. I quickly put down my napkin and excused myself to grab a glass of water and hurried into the kitchen.

"Carlisle what is it?" I whispered as I looked at him. He glanced into the dining room, apparently no one else had noticed his entrance, and looked back at me.

He looked visibly shaken as he scrubbed his hands down his face, reminding me so much of Edward.

"I…I just can't…" He gasped and then looked at me. "You need to go. You need to go to him."

Oh God. What happened? Has he been with Edward? What the hell was going on? I had to know.

"Carlisle what's going on?" I said nervously.

"I can't tell you…but you need to go, I don't know where he went." He shook his head as if in a trance and slowly took a seat at the kitchen table.

"O-o-okay." I stumbled. "Um…I'll tell them that I didn't feel well or something."

He nodded with a haunted look in his eyes and I quickly ran into the dining room.

"I'm sorry everyone, but… I'm really not feeling well all of a sudden. I think it might still be the infection in my tooth." I feigned sick and Emmett's eyes widened. I shot him a look and nodded and he instantly looked at Rose.

"Are you alright dear? Do you want a ride home?" Esme asked.

"No, it's fine Esme. I'm sorry I have to cut out on the celebration, but please enjoy yourselves." I waved my hand shakily, not having to pretend at the anxious feeling or the sweat that was now forming across my brow and the back of my neck.

"Oh dear, why don't you let one of us give you a ride, it's raining cats and dogs out there."

"No really, I'll be fine. Thank you so much for hosting." I tried to smile but my stomach felt like it was in my throat and I was going to hurl up everything I just ate.

I quickly grabbed my jacket, purse and keys and called for a cab. As I waited I bid my good-byes to everyone and they eyed me suspiciously.

The cab pulled up and I all but raced outside into the storm and the now torrential downpour. As soon as I was inside I dialed Edward. But he didn't answer.

 _Shit, come on, pick up Apollo, pick up._

I tried him again and still no answer.

Just then I realized that Angela and Ben were set to arrive with Eliot in only fifteen minutes.

"Crap." I muttered and speedily dialed Ang on my regular phone as I kept an eye on my phone from Edward.

"Hello?"

"Angela. Don't come over. Something's happened…I…I don't know what. I can't explain but we can't do it tonight."

"Oh. Okay. We're in Ben's car on the way there but we can just turn around."

"I'm sorry Ang. I'll explain later. But I have to go. I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it Bella, I hope everything's okay." She said sincerely.

"Me too. I'll call you tomorrow."

I clicked off the call and my knee was thumping up and down in the back of the cab. I didn't know what was wrong. I could only assume he would go to my place, but I was terrified of what he found out.

"Miss we're here."

I nodded and quickly paid the cab driver and then raced into my building. I didn't know what was happening but I had a sick feeling in my stomach and my legs were like jelly. I hurried into my apartment to find it quiet except for the sound of the rain outside.

But it was almost eerie and threatening.

I flipped on a light and realized that it wasn't just the rain on the windows, but the window to the fire escape was ajar.

 _Was he already here? He usually put on the lights?_

I walked over, with trepidation and called out to him.

"Edward."

No response.

 _Shit what if it's not him._

I fingered the panic button in my purse and stepped closer.

But it was like I could feel him here, as I always could.

I called out again still not receiving a response until I heard a low keening noise that sounded like it came from outside.

But as I got closer I could smell the rain and hear breathing that sounded almost like wheezes.

I pressed my forehead to the glass and covered my eyes from the lightning.

Yet all of a sudden a bolt flashed across the sky revealing an alarming site and I gasped as my hands flew to my mouth.

"Oh my God!"

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

"Seth, E, we need to be on the look-out from here on out. I have a bad feeling that things are getting sketchy." McCarty asked.

I nodded emphatically at them. I was hoping if I pretended to be listening that they wouldn't notice that I wasn't completely distracted and had a massive hard on after leaving Bella's place.

"E you okay?" Emmett eyed me quizzically.

"Fine. Yup. Peachy. Great." I nodded.

"What the fuck man? What agent uses the word 'peachy'? That sounds like something my Grandma says." McCarty said then.

"Fuck off Boston." I shot him a look and he laughed and shook his head.

"Motherfucker…and I was just joking when I yelled through the door."

I punched him in the shoulder before we made our way through the back door to _Dawnbreak._ It was nice to joke around again, but we needed to get down to business. And I seriously needed something else to go down before I could concentrate.

 _Damn sexy girlfriend._

I took a deep breath as we made our way to the VIP. I had two assignments in the last two weeks, one of which I was unusually contacted about when I was at the club. It was strikingly similar to Romania and I couldn't help but think that it meant I had gained favor with the brothers. The other was a low level druggy and dealer from the Bronx.

I strode into the back room and instantly noticed someone I hadn't seen in a while.

James Raven.

I ducked behind Emmett. Although I didn't think he got a good look at me the night I took him out at Bella's, I needed to make sure. We quickly made our way to the VIP before Felix or someone else could corner us and grabbed our regular table.

We ordered our drinks and from our vantage point I saw Laurent and Raven come out and grab a table across the way as well. They were eyeing the dance floor like a couple predators and I couldn't help the disgust that turned up in my mouth. Just as Kristina and Senna made their way over I noticed another group of men walk in.

The Buxton Group men.

Phil was there and I was instantly suspicious of him after what Bella told me. But also I noticed that the Reycon exec saddled up to their table promptly as well.

 _What the hell? It must be the night tonight._

I couldn't figure out the connection between them all, but I had to admit I had a sneaking suspicion that it was what Ivanova said. I felt like there was one link, or one person or organization connecting them all together. They just didn't seem like they had anything in common otherwise.

I could tell Seth and Emmett were taking in the scene as studiously as I was. It was then I noticed Raven get up to go to the back. He had a large scar on his forehead and appeared to be walking stiffly. Even after over a month.

 _That's right fucker. You will never touch my girl again._

I couldn't help but be a bit smug about that; though I still wanted to kill him. He was the first person I ever _wanted_ to kill…and the thought both scared me and gave me a sense of protectiveness I had never experienced.

"E…we have a visitor. 2:00." McCarty gestured. Unfortunately Kristina was saddled up to Emmett and Senna was next to Seth which left me for our visitor.

Gianna.

 _Shit._

"Hello boys. Would any of you care to see the merchandise tonight?" She said all too sweetly in her thick accent.

I had never been outright offered to see the girls. I didn't want to. But I knew if I didn't go at some point they would think something was wrong with me. I swallowed thickly and glanced a look at Emmett and Seth and they both nodded solemnly. Kristina and Senna just looked at Gianna with fear in their eyes. I knew they didn't want to be around any of it if they could avoid it. So I mustered up the best response I could and at least hoped that I would find something out when I was down there.

Fuck.

"I'll join you Gianna. Although I have to admit I'm not usually one for the merchandise." She turned to me and a small smile played across her face as she put her hand on my arm. I had to fight off the urge to rip it away from her.

"Well, well. I was wondering when you would finally join us."

Fuck. I knew they paid attention to that kind of shit. Now I had to make sure I didn't get roped into anything.

I gave Emmett and Seth a glance before I followed her through the back room and down a long hallway. I had never been in this part of the club before. But this was the definition of undercover work: going to shady parts of places no one else wanted to be to find out information.

As I arrived at the room I noticed six doorways. I cringed at the thought and stepped into one. It smelled like sex, and alcohol and cleaner fluid. I wanted to vomit instantly.

Just as I stood there, refusing to sit on the chair because God only knows what had happened there, a light shone from the other side of the glass. I tried to see into some of the other rooms but I couldn't. I knew how this worked, generally. Certain girls were up for the night whereas others were up for more extensive "contracts."

Contract. You couldn't call it a contract because that would require a meeting of the minds and an exchange of two things which the parties determined were equal.

In this case there was no exchange, only takings.

I shuddered as I watched girl after girl get paraded across a dimly lit floor as buyers bid on them. None of them could have been older than sixteen or seventeen and a few looked so young I wanted to tear down all of the booths and kill the bastards inside.

The last one was very young and looked even more terrified than the rest. I was finally fed up with being down here and I knew I probably should at least make one bid.

But as I bid on the girl I was continually outbid by the booth to my right. He apparently really wanted her, and that made me even more disgusted and infuriated.

When the last second came I swooped in to bid and nabbed the girl, at least for the night. I didn't know what that entailed, but surely with me it wasn't going to be what she or anyone else thought.

As I exited the booth I decided to at least try to make this vile trip worth my while and find out some information. I nodded to Gianna and she sauntered over to me in her skin tight leopard print dress.

"Emil…did you see something you liked?" She wrapped her hair around two fingers and tried to give me a pouty look.

Again. Bile.

"Yes. But I was curious as to who I was bidding against?" I asked.

"Oh you know I can't disclose that Emil…" She trailed off. But then she eyed me hungrily and stepped forward and put her hands on my lapel. It was right where Bella stood only hours before and instead of feeling lustful I felt dirty and violated.

I wanted to step back but I knew I couldn't.

"C'mon Gianna. Just one hint, I thought I'd maybe give the girl up if he gave me a good price." I gave her a smirk, hoping to use some of my practiced charm on her.

She smiled at me seductively again and leaned in. I could smell something overpowering on her, like she bathed in cheap perfume. "I'll see what I can do." She purred and her breath made me shudder, but not in a good way.

I stood there and sipped my Tuica as it burned my throat. I knew the rooms each had private entrances as it was important to keep anonymity.

 _Wouldn't want anyone to know what we're up to down here now would we?_

I sighed as I waited for her return and looked back in the booth. Other than the chair there was a small couch and small table with drawers. We had complimentary drinks and water, but I walked over curious as to what was in the drawers.

**I pulled open the top drawers to find a stock of condoms, lube, and what appeared to be some clamps and plugs. I sighed as I tried to determine if I even wanted to look in the second, larger drawer. I swallowed the last of my Tuica and opened it up and stopped.

 _Fucking hell._

It was filled with what appeared to be whips, chains of some sort, rope, blindfolds and a paddle. The thought of what some of the girls might be subjected to make me almost throw up on the spot. I quickly shut the drawer and turned away.

 _Jesus we have to take these fuckers down._

I pinched the bridge of my nose and steeled my resolve for Gianna's return. Once my breathing steadied I noticed her at the entrance and I nodded.

"Mr. K does not want to indulge your offer." She stated. "Would you like me to bring number eleven?"

 _Fuckers don't even refer to them with their names._

I nodded, again pushing down the bile in my throat.

As I waited I looked around the room and tried to will away the thoughts of what had occurred in there.

Gianna appeared once again with the terrified girl at her side. She was scantily dressed and looked like she was freezing. She honestly couldn't have been more than fourteen and was maybe 90 lbs. Someone, probably one of the older girls, had put a lot of make-up on her face and curled her hair.

I nodded again to Gianna and she closed the door behind her as the terrified girl walked forward.

I really didn't want to touch anything, but at least I was wearing clothes. She looked so frightened. God only knows what had been done to her up to this point. Technically I had her for the next two hours.

She started to walk over and slip off the straps of her dress.

"No." I said abruptly. Her eyes widened in fear and I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." I reached my hand out for her and she flinched.

"I'm not going to hurt you. Can you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded and I motioned for her to sit on the couch. I walked over to the table, shuddering at what I knew was inside and grabbed a bottle of water.

"Here." I handed it to her and she gaped at me.

"I don't want…that." I said to her and she looked at me like I was crazy. She must have spoken English because she seemed to understand me.

I sat down beside her and ran a hand through my hair as she lifted the water and drank nearly the entire bottle.

"Another?" I asked and she nodded.

She sipped the water this time and I was silent for a moment.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Marie." She said in the tiniest voice.

"Marie. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Okay." Her voice was so quiet.

"I mean. I'm not going to do anything. We're just going to sit here okay."

Her eyes widened again and I looked at her. I couldn't imagine if this was my sister, or cousin…or god forbid daughter.

"Where are you from Marie?" I took a sip of my water and she shifted and shivered a bit.

"Are you cold?" She nodded. "Here."

I slipped off my jacket and she put her arms inside. But as she lifted them I could see the marks around her wrists. They were red from what looked like rope.

I clenched my jaw and wanted to kill whoever did this to this poor girl. If I could have I would have wrapped her in my jacket and carried her out of there at that second. But unfortunately I couldn't.

I finally got her to talk to me once she realized I really wasn't like any of the other men that bid on her and I wasn't going to get her in trouble. She was fifteen, from Poland and knew English from her schooling. She was separated from a group on a school trip and that was how she ended up here. I didn't ask her names or places about how she got here, Ivanova would handle that. I mostly wanted her to have someone to talk to, to drink and to be warm and comfortable for the time she was with me.

Before I knew it the time was almost up and I knew we needed to make up some appearances.

"Marie, I don't want anything, but we should probably make it look…"

She nodded and handed me back my jacket. I ran my hands through my hair, not that it would look a whole lot different. Then I slapped my cheeks to make it look like I was flushed. She acted similarly and shifted a bit to look like her dress was messed up. After she was ready I moved to exit the room. Just as I was about to leave I heard her small voice behind me.

"Thank you."

My heart ached and I turned around to see her big dark eyes looking at me.

"You're welcome Marie." I gave her a small smile and walked out.

I felt…mixed about the entire interaction. I was disgusted by everything I found and at the same time relieved that I was able to help the girl in even the smallest way and for a very short period of time.

It was almost 1:30 by the time I made it back to the table in the VIP. The club was in full swing and McCarty and Seth were sitting there chatting quietly. But as I walked up I noticed the pained look on Seth's face.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He motioned to the table behind me and I turned around slowly. Sitting at the table were Jacob Black and Phil Dwyer.

"Son of a bitch." I muttered.

He sighed and clenched his jaw. I could tell now that he was sitting very tightly in the corner of his seat and he had Senna positioned so that she was blocking him.

"We'll figure out a way to get you out of here." I said. I thought for a moment. I was ready to leave. I had enough for one night and I just wanted to be in Bella's bed, with her in my arms.

"Once I distract him, sneak out behind me."

I walked up to Phil and Jacob. I had to admit that I was curious to see the man who was supposedly in love with Bella for years. As soon as I got closer I heard them speaking.

"Phil, I just need a bit more to cover it and I'm done."

"I can't Jacob. I'm sorry. I don't have anything…"

He glanced around and I stepped in, making sure to block Jacob's view behind me.

"Excuse me are you Phil Dwyer?" I asked him.

He looked at me surprised. "Err…yes. What can I do for you?"

I gave him my best New York accent and offered my hand. "Just wanted to meet the man that hit 370 one year. I remember that home run you hit in game six of the Series." I smiled.

He looked relieved and shook my hand quickly. "Well. I better be on my way." I nodded and turned back toward our table. I saw that it was empty and smiled at them. Jacob eyed me suspiciously but I just shrugged. "Nice to meet you."

Phil looked at me and I smiled again and left through the back. I was sure he had seen me here before, so I didn't think it was a problem. Nonetheless it was interesting that he and Jacob were together at the club.

I sidetracked and made my way to Bella's in the dark of the night. McCarty and Seth were planning to come to my place tomorrow to discuss everything that went down at the club. I felt a strange sense of foreboding, like something I heard or saw tonight was a tip. I thought through everything but I couldn't decide what it was.

As I slipped into Bella's place I was once again met with warmth and the scent of her everywhere.

 _Home._

At least it felt like it. It was the closest thing I had to a home in years. I stripped out of my suit and made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and freshen up. I downed a glass of water so I wouldn't be hung over from the Tuica and finally pulled the covers aside to climb in next to Bella.

"Hey." She whispered.

"I'm sorry to wake you." I kissed her cheek and pulled her to me.

"Of course not." She turned into me and I could see the gleam in her eye.

 _Okay so she was definitely awake._

"Besides…I was hoping to pick up where we left off earlier." Her voice was gravelly in my ear and I could feel the strands of her hair and her fingers tickling down my chest.

"Were you now?" I grinned at her devilishly and she smirked.

"Oh yeah."

"Well then, where were we?" I started to grab her but she pulled the covers back and climbed on top of me. She was still wearing the Yankees tee, but with a tiny pair of panties and no bra.

"Jesus Leifje."

I crushed her to me and covered her mouth with mine as we lost ourselves in one another in the middle of the night.

*&^%$#

After I left Bella's, I hurried home so I could hit the gym and then meet up with McCarty and Seth. By the time they arrived at my place at 2:00 I was running over everything in my mind from last night. I was nervous about tonight and the meet with my family and Eliot, but at the same time I had a strange sense of apprehension and I couldn't place it. I just couldn't decide if it had something to do with the prior night or the night ahead.

McCarty and Seth rolled in with pizza and we set to work for the next couple of hours recapping the night before. While I had been downstairs they saw James and Laurent leave with a couple of Drac girls. Of course then Jacob came and pulled Phil Dwyer aside right before I came back. But most importantly they said the Reycon exec came back shortly after I did, which meant he likely went downstairs when I did as well. I told them all about the girls and what I saw below and they shuddered in a similar fashion.

"You know if anyone did that to my Rose…" Emmett trailed off and I nodded in agreement. The thought of Bella…my mind couldn't even go there.

Seth's jaw clenched and I knew what he was thinking. He had told me before that he was really concerned about the fact that Jacob was around these girls, girls who not by their own making could be disease carriers.

"It was sick seriously. And then when I bid on the one, the guy next to me kept trying to outbid me. I tried to get Gianna to give me some dirt on him but nothing."

Then I thought of something. She slipped up last night when she came back.

"Wait, she did say 'Mr. K' wasn't interested." I noted as I pondered who that could be.

"You mean Kebi?" McCarty said.

"Is that who Mr. K is?" That sounded familiar to me for some reason.

"Yeah. That's the Reycon exec we've been tracking. I heard them call him that when I was there last week. The night I flew solo."

"What's his first name, do you know?"

"Amun. Amun Kebi."

My eyes shot up as I looked at McCarty. I blinked but I couldn't think for a minute.

"Are…are you telling me the Reycon exec is Amun Kebi."

"Yeah. Why? Do you know him? I thought you said you didn't know him?"

Suddenly a thought struck me and sent me into a tailspin. The sense of foreboding, the worry, the strange things that I had been dreaming about and remembering in the last few weeks all came crashing down on me.

Reycon.

Eric.

Amun.

His boss.

"Fuck!" I shouted and I jumped up. That eerie feeling was creeping back into my system.

No. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. Why the fuck would Eric get involved in something like that? And he wouldn't. He would never do something like that. Even if he did it would have been unknowingly.

Right?

"E what's going on?"

I scrubbed my hands down my face and tried to get a handle on the emotions running through my body. Finally, I leaned on the chair in front of me and spoke through gritted teeth.

"Amun Kebi was my brother's boss."

Emmett exhaled loudly. "No shit."

He looked at me and I just stared back. I was fighting off the awful suspicion in my brain. He didn't say a word. He knew. He knew how I got in the FBI. He knew about my brother.

"Do you think…?" He thought for a moment. "Is there any way you could get into Reycon and see if you could find anything.

I thought for a moment. I didn't want to involve my family at all in my mission, but I had a ferocious need to make sure Eric was never involved in anything bad. I mean how could he be, that was over thirteen years ago?

It had to be a coincidence? And the analysts hadn't found anything.

But I knew the sickening feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away unless I found this out myself.

"I need to call my Dad." I finally said.

He nodded in agreement.

"I think it's best if we head out anyway. I'm going to be there tonight you know."

"You are?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Yeah. B told Rose. I think she wanted some additional moral support since she can't…well you know."

I nodded, but my mind was elsewhere at the moment.

"You'll call me. Or let me know somehow?" I nodded and Clearwater was silent. He knew exactly how I felt at the moment…or at least pretty close. The problem was I didn't know what was really going on yet.

As soon as they left I threw on a hooded jacket, pulled it over my head, and added some shades and a rain jacket over it. I looked like the Unabomber, but I needed to be as discreet as possible. It was past 4:00 and I stepped out into the street and the steady rain. The sky looked dark and ominous, like it could really open up any minute and I sped up my pace to get to a pay phone. I quickly dialed my parents' home line and my father picked up.

"Cullen residence."

"Um. D…Carlisle, do you know who this is?"

"Uh…yes, what can I do for you?"

 _Good he was working with me._

"I need to meet you." I thought for a moment for a place that he would know simply because of me.

"Matilda's." I added.

"When?"

"Thirty minutes."

I clicked off the line and hurried to the diner that my father used to take us kids when my mom had to work on a project on the weekend. The owner's name was Matilda even though the name of the diner was something else entirely. I think she always had a bit of a crush on my father, so we always got free shakes and pie with our meals. We all just called it Matilda's place.

I hurried to the diner and took a seat at the far end of the counter and grabbed a newspaper. There were hardly any patrons since it was the late afternoon. Soon enough my father strode in and spotted me. My Dad wasn't in undercover work but he was smart enough to know that we couldn't really talk openly in public.

I got up to go to the bathroom and waited for a few minutes before I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and he stepped inside.

"What's going on Edward?"

"I've found something out…something…odd, some strange connections." I blew out a breath.

"What kind of connections?"

"Dad, did you ever have any suspicions about Eric?"

My Dad's eyes widened and he dropped his head and groaned. "Yes. Yes I did. I never mentioned it because I didn't think much of it and I didn't think it was relevant after he died. But I am pretty sure he had some serious debts before he…" My Dad trailed off.

"Debts?"

 _What the fuck did he have debts for? We all had more money than we needed._

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh Edward." He sighed. "You always idolized your brother so, but you never realized the troubles he had. He wasn't perfect, no one is, but Eric just had a way of getting himself into some jams he couldn't always get out of."

"What kind of jams?" Now I was really getting worried. Where could my father possibly be going with this?

"He came to me that summer…you know before…" I nodded but wanted him to continue. "He said he was in for some money with some friends. They had made some stupid investments with what they found out were some shady people and it hadn't panned out. But I refused to pay it. I thought he should learn the lesson. He couldn't use it from his trust because I was in charge of the disbursements still. It was more out of principle than anything."

"Do you know who these people were?"

"No. But when I asked him about it again he said he had taken care of it. I just thought he learned his lesson. I didn't say anything ever because I didn't want to disgrace his memory….what's, what's this about Edward?"

My mind was racing with this new knowledge—debts, shady people, investments and most importantly what friends? I immediately thought of something.

"Dad was one of the friends in it with him Alec Masen?"

"Possibly. He never said but it would make sense."

"Fuck." I muttered. Then I thought of the next thing I needed to ask him.

"He worked for Amun Kebi right?"

"Yeah?" He eyed me curiously.

"What kind of clearance or…I mean what was Kebi's role?"

My Dad thought for a moment. "Well, he's been promoted since then but he used to be in charge of the financials for our research facilities?"

My ears perked up at that. "Like which ones?"

"Well, the one in Pennsylvania for sure, and I think the two in New Jersey."

At once my heart leapt into my throat. A million things began to swim together all creating a dangerous cocktail in my brain. I felt like my head was going to explode with all the information.

"Edward are you okay?"

My skin was cold and clammy and I felt my pulse quicken.

"Dad, can you get us in to your office today?"

"Sure, but can you go?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

I thought for a moment about a way around it. I knew they had security stations and badges that they had to scan. But before I could offer up an idea my father came up with one.

"Here. Why don't we do this? You take my security card, I can get one there because I know all of the officers. But you can take the executive entrance then. There's only one guard and if you take the stairs then you will be less likely to see anyone." He handed me his card and I didn't realize until I grabbed it that I was shaking. I couldn't determine if it was in anxiety, anger, fear or something else.

I nodded and we decided to meet there in an hour. It would be close to 6:00 and we had to be back to their place only an hour later. But right now, this was a much more pressing issue.

I snuck out the back door of Matilda's and worked my way to Reycon's new headquarters that were housed in the Exxon Building at Rockefeller Center. I slipped past the guard, who eyed me suspiciously but I had my father's security card and I managed to take off my sweatshirt so I looked semi-respectable.

As I raced up the stairs, my lungs were burning and my feet were heavy by the time I got to the twenty-second floor. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what was true or not true anymore. I just knew I needed some answers and today.

I crept in to his massive corner office that had expansive views from which I could see St. Patrick's Cathedral. I paced around aimlessly just trying to wrap my mind around everything. I didn't know what I was looking for or where to start but I had a sickening feeling that something tied to Reycon, specifically Amun Kebi and unfortunately maybe my brother.

At last the door opened and my father stepped in. He walked over to his computer and pulled up Kebi's personnel file since he was still technically under my father in the company.

Nothing appeared out of the ordinary. He obviously had remarkable reviews and was clearly a very skilled financial manager for the company. We began to look through some of the projects he headed and worked our way back from present. When we reached 2001 something leapt off the computer screen at me.

Lividol.

Kebi was in charge of the research facilities in Pennsylvania…which meant he signed off on things in developing Lividol—the Anthrax vaccine.

"Dad, can you cross-check Lividol with Kebi and with…" I swallowed. "And with Eric."

He exhaled and nodded. I could tell this was truly concerning him as well. But I was holding out hope we could tie this to Kebi and Eric wasn't involved in any way. Surely he would never be involved in something like this.

We were looking through records for the facility when his phone beeped.

"Shit." He muttered.

"What?"

"I set an appointment alarm for dinner tonight. I need to call your mother to let her know I'm going to be late."

"Yeah. You better." I sighed. He looked at me quizzically and called my mother briefly to let her know he would be late. As soon as he hung up we were back at the records and looking through each PDF of invoices and documents related to Lividol that went through the Pennsylvania facility.

Suddenly he stopped.

"Well that's odd." He stated as he squinted at the screen.

"What?"

"These samples…they seem rather large for test product."

"What samples? What are you talking about?" He scrolled down some more and I eyed the screen precariously.

"But that's not…" He shook his head.

"What Dad, tell me what's going on?"

"That's not my signature. And I surely would have had to approve these for them to go through. They required the utmost clearance as we have to get our samples from the CDC."

I stepped closer to the screen and I felt like someone put a vice grip on my heart. My chest constricted to the point I thought I might be having heart attack.

No.

He couldn't.

Just…

No.

But the signature on the PDF on the screen was staring back at me in stark black and white.

I would know that signature anywhere, and whether it said Carlisle Cullen or not I knew it wasn't my father's.

It was Eric's.

I swallowed and shook my head trying to will away the absolute pounding that now set in.

"Dad, did you ever…" I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. I put my head in my hands as I tried to get the words out.

"Did you ever let Eric use your computer? Would he have ever been in your office?" My blood was running cold in my veins and my lungs were constricting in my chest. I felt like I was freezing from the inside out.

 ****** My Dad shook his head and thought for a moment. He glanced back and forth at the files, his eyes dancing unsteadily.

Suddenly he stopped. He stopped breathing, he stopped looking. He just…stopped.

"That morning." He gasped.

"What?"

"The morning…of 9/11…" My Dad swallowed and the coldness in my blood reached my heart and it locked.

"It…he...Oh God." He groaned. "I needed him to fax me something because I was away in Philadelphia and he went to my office for me."

"But wasn't he in D.C. the day before?"

"Yes but he was back that day." He whispered.

I swallowed again and closed my eyes. Through gritted teeth I told him to look at the date on the invoice before us.

I stood there rigidly until I heard all the breath leave my father's lungs as he said it.

It was 9/11.

 _No._

I shook my head.

 _No._

 _He couldn't._

 _How could he?_

But it all fit. His boss, the shipments, the access, the…forgery. Of our father's name no less! The father who had done everything for us that he ever could.

Yet all of it connected. His comments about loyalty, his comments about being good and not being like him, and his comments about work.

 _Fuck!_

How could he betray our father?

How could he betray our family, his country?

How could he betray _me_?

My mouth was dry and an intense pain ripped through my chest and it felt like my heart was being destroyed. The room was instantly spinning. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel anything but yet I was feeling everything all at the same time.

I gripped the desk and looked around like a crazed animal. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness I could hear my father talking to me.

 _No._

I just kept repeating it over and over again.

 _No. No, no, no, no, no, no!_

"Edward, talk to me son."

"I can't." I rasped as the pain raged through my chest and I stumbled backwards.

"I…I can't…I have to…I have to get out of here…I have to leave."

My eyes were now covered in a red haze. Before I knew it my legs were moving frantically and I raced out the door.

"Edward wait!" My father called after me but I was already running down the stairwell. The blood was thundering through my head and I wanted to collapse, and scream and run all at the same time.

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know what I was doing. I just had to get away. I had to get away from Reycon, from Eric, from everything I just found out.

I tore outside into the pouring rain and noticed that the sky was black as night and lightning and thunder were crashing above me.

But I just took off sprinting. I didn't know how far or how long or where I was, I just ran until I turned down the complete darkness of an alley.

 _Mijn Broer._ How could he do this? How could he be involved with…them?

The rain poured down over my face, the wetness so heavy I felt like I was drowning.

But I ran, my feet splashing through the puddles of the dark Manhattan alley.

I couldn't think.

I felt like I was hardly moving, yet my lungs ached and my mind raced as I ran faster and faster.

Gasping and fighting the heaviness, fighting the secret destruction transpiring in my heart.

 _How could he do this?_

 _What was he thinking?_

This had to be a nightmare. I couldn't be living this. My life couldn't be about this. Everything I ever did. Everything I lived for.

For nothing.

Now I had nothing.

Nothing but her.

All I could think about, all I wanted was her.

I had to get to her.

But the only thing I could feel was the rain pouring down on me. It wasn't cleansing; it was dark like soot, like volcanic ash clogging my lungs and blackening the atmosphere around me.

I couldn't see, I couldn't move. I could only think one thing.

How could he?

 _Mijn Broer._

I'd done everything…for him. I gave up my life…for him. I joined the FBI…for him. I sought for the last thirteen years to avenge his death and for what?

Nothing.

A lie.

A secret and a lie.

I felt ruined…crippled.

Everything I was feeling was killing me all over again just like the day he died. I could feel the unyielding pain and it was destroying me. It was a thousand times what I felt when he died.

Somehow I found myself at the bottom of a familiar fire escape. I had no idea how, or what time it was but I climbed the stairs. My body was heavy with exertion and drenched from the pouring rain.

I went to open the window but I couldn't. I couldn't go in there without her there, because maybe then she wouldn't be real either. I was crippled in my spot and I slumped against the wall as a sob escaped my throat.

I just sat with the rain pouring over me. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't see anything. My mind was racing so much it was blank. The rain continued to run off of me as I sat there slumped and breathing heavily from running all the way from the Reycon headquarters.

I heard small sounds from something but I didn't know what.

 _It was all for nothing._

 _He's one of them._

I felt another pain rip through my chest when I heard shuffling.

"Oh My God!" I heard a muffled cry and the window flung open.

"Edward! Edward are you okay?"

Warm hands gripped my face as the rain poured over us. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't even look at her. I just sat there, frozen in the rain outside her fire escape.

"Baby please. You're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong."

A strangled sound left my throat as I tried but I couldn't. I just leaned forward and pressed my head to her stomach as she ran her hands through my hair.

"Please, Edward talk to me. We need to go inside, you're soaked and freezing."

I was shivering violently. I had no idea how long I had been out here. It could have been minutes, hours…years for all I knew.

 _Was she even real? Maybe she was a figment of my imagination as well?_

Suddenly her voice broke through my consciousness again and I felt her tiny but strong and warm arms around me, simply holding me.

"Edward please come inside with me. Please." She was begging me.

With every ounce of energy I could muster I stumbled up. She gripped me by the waist and helped me inside the fire escape. The warmth of her apartment was welcoming, but I was soaked to the bone and frozen.

Frozen in my heart, in my mind.

Frozen in time at thirteen years ago when everything in my life was fine.

Frozen on the idea of a brother who betrayed me.

Simply frozen.

Somehow she draped her arm around my waist and even with her small frame, shuffled me to the bathroom. I just stood there, not seeing, not believing what I could possibly have found out.

She stripped me out of my clothes as I was still shuddering from the cold rain. I finally both smelled and felt the steam from the shower. Before I knew it she was out of her clothes as well and pulling me into the shower.

But as soon as I met the heat from the water I had no energy left. The last thirteen years, the last day took all the strength from me and I crumpled to the floor.

"No. It can't be true. It can't be true." I sobbed and repeated over and over trying to will it away.

I dropped my head into my hands as the water poured over my shoulders. The warmth was doing nothing to appease the coldness in my body.

But then strong, tender arms and legs swathed me and I clutched her hands to my chest, breathing heavily. She simply held me in the heat of the shower kissing and resting her head on my back and trying to soothe me.

Then a thought ripped through my body, she was comforting me right over my tattoo.

A wail erupted from my lips at the thought and I could no longer contain the emotions warring within me as I began trembling again and rocking forward under the shower.

"Baby, please talk to me. Please. Edward you're scaring me. Please tell me. What can't be true?"

Her voice shook but her grip tightened as she held me. At last with all the force I could muster I finally whispered words I never could have imagined saying.

"Eric…he…he was one of them."

 **XXXX**


	20. Chapter 20: Rubble

**Chapter 20: Rubble**

 ** _Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd_**

 **~Bella Swan~**

"Baby, please talk to me. Please. Edward you're scaring me. Please tell me. What can't be true?" I implored him as he shook against my body.

"Eric…he…he was one of them."

One of them?

One of them like one of the bad guys?

Oh no! Oh my God, this was awful!

"Edward you mean…one of the people you're investigating?"

"Yes." He rasped. He was shivering and shaking, I was trying everything I could to warm him but my mind was instantly racing with what this meant.

His brother was everything to him. He was as close to him, if not closer, than I was to Brad. He would do anything for him and he was just finally coming back; he was finally letting his true self show through again.

He joined the FBI for him.

He pursued his life in trying to make Eric proud.

Oh God, this was his worst nightmare.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I squeezed him tighter and pressed my head between his shoulder blades. He tensed and I pulled my head back.

His tattoo. Oh no.

My mind was reeling. How could I comfort him? What could I say? What could I do?

At once I reached around him and switched the faucet to fill the tub. I moved to get up and he clutched me to him.

"Please don't leave me." His voice was so desperate. He sounded like a scared little boy, not the confident strong agent that I knew. My heart lurched to my throat.

"Oh Edward." I hugged him with everything I had and kissed the side of his neck. "I will never leave you…ever."

We sat for a moment as the tub was filling and he finally relaxed a bit at the warmth.

"I'm just going to get up and get something to put in the water."

He nodded and finally let go of my hands. I jumped out of the steaming bath and quickly grabbed some salts and some soaps. I poured them in around him and then climbed in but he moved back and motioned me to sit in front of him.

I stepped into the scalding hot water and he instantly pulled me back and crushed my back to his chest.

"Liefje." His voice quivered and held me so tightly it almost took my breath away. I let him hug me to him for a moment before speaking. I knew how hard this had to be for him, I couldn't imagine.

"Are you…can you tell me what happened?" I asked him as I turned my head and rested it on his shoulder to look up at him.

He shook his head "no" and I nodded.

"Okay. You don't have to say anything until you're ready."

He squeezed me impossibly tighter and we just sat there in the warmth of the water. I heard a knock at the front door and Edward tensed.

"I'm staying here. I'm guessing it's Emmett and we can talk to him later. Okay?"

He eased his grip a bit and kissed my hair, breathing me in as I folded into him.

It was ridiculously quiet as we sat there, I could barely even tell he was breathing if I wouldn't have felt his chest moving underneath me. Finally I reached up and grabbed a sponge off the holder and lathered it up with soap.

I turned to Edward and moved so that his legs were beneath me and I was straddling his thighs. Finally he brought his eyes to mine. The green was so dim and so dark. All traces of the beautiful jade were hidden beneath his agony. He looked so broken and my heart almost shattered at the sight. I didn't know what to do to take away his pain. So like I had on a few other occasions I simply touched him with as much love and compassion as I could. I started to run the sponge over his shoulders and down his chest. I squeezed it out, watching the soap and the water roll over his muscles and then kissed him in each spot I left.

He closed his eyes and dropped his head as his hands ever so gently stroked my back and pulled me closer to him.

I scrubbed and kissed and caressed, trying to convey through my touch the love I had for him, the empathy I felt for him and that I would be here for him…always. I wanted nothing more than to be able to change it and ease his hurting, but I knew I couldn't. All I could do was try to soothe him.

Suddenly he grabbed my hand and stopped it. Before I knew it he tugged me to him forcefully, my chest crashing against his and bringing me into his lap. His lips found mine with so much force I could feel the absolute need and utter despair behind it. He plunged his tongue into my mouth as his hands gripped me powerfully, down my back, to my behind and my thighs.

My lips moved with his in vigor, trying to share his need and his desperation. I thought maybe if I kissed him _harder_ I could pull out some of the torture and bear it myself. I would have suffered it all for him if I could.

He pulled his mouth from mine gasping and instantly locked on my pulse point, working his feverish lips up my neck behind my ear and back. He lifted my face with his hands and pressed his forehead to mine and the look in his eyes almost took my breath away.

"What do you need Apollo, please tell me what I can do?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it and swallowed. He closed his eyes as he wrapped one arm around me squeezing me even more tightly to him and kept the other on my face. When he reopened his eyes I knew what he needed. He needed to be loved, to be cared for, to be needed, to…forget. It was the same look he had the first time he came in the middle of the night except a thousand times stronger. And I wanted to immediately be everything for him.

"You need me." I said before he could answer. He swallowed again and he kissed me and nodded with his forehead pressed to mine.

"You have me…always. Edward you always have me. I love you so much."

He let out a strangled sound as he clutched me to him and I tipped his head back to bring his eyes to mine once more.

"I'm yours remember. I'm yours and you're my Apollo."

"I'm not…" He whispered.

"Shhh. It's okay. You don't have to say anything." I grasped his face in my hands.

He shook his head, utterly broken, like rubble from the aftermath of a battle, I felt like he could crumble in my hands.

I knew I had to put the pieces back together.

"You are. You are _my_ Apollo, you are _my_ God, you are so very good and whatever he did…it's not your fault." I brushed my lips over his and he trembled again. I kissed down his neck and gently traced my lips over his collarbone. I grazed my fingers over his shoulders and kissed a trail across his chest and back up to his lips.

His eyes were closed and I gently kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, his jaw, his chin, his forehead. I wanted him to know how much I loved him and how truly good he was.

"What do you need? Tell me please."

His hands dropped to my waist and I could feel him against my thigh.

"I need…I need you Liefje." He rasped.

"And you have me…always." I pressed my mouth to his again and moved over him. In one motion I took him inside of me and we both shuddered at the contact.

"Oh…Liefje." It was want and pain and desperation. And I wanted to heal him, take the pain for him, and just as desperately show him how much I loved him.

Slowly I rocked against him and he held me ever so closely, even water couldn't permeate our connection. I just kissed and rocked and did anything I could to make him feel good. He splayed his fingers firmly on my back and then down my curves and back up again. He moved them over and over in a sweeping motion, as if he was feeling me to see if I was really there. It was powerful in its reverence, the way he was caressing me and loving me with his hands.

He curled one arm tightly around me as the other trailed up to my breasts and worshipfully felt every inch of my skin. It was as if he was feeling me for the first time as he palmed my breast. He grazed my nipple with his thumb and I moaned at the sensation, at the love and gravity in his touch.

At once his mouth was on me, and he was holding me tighter, clinging to me like I was his life raft. His lips were on my throat up to my ear and blazing a trail of fire over my collarbone and down my breasts. It was pure passion and essence as if I was air or water to him. His hands gripped me almost painfully and rocked me faster. There were no words, no sounds, just us and the water lightly slapping against us and the side of the tub.

I lifted up higher and then pushed firmly against him and he groaned. His mouth instantly locked with mine as our movements became frantic. Our tongues battled in rhythm with our hips and I could feel the tinge in my stomach spreading to my legs and up my back.

He crushed me to him once more so that we were mouth to mouth, chest to chest, hip to hip. His hands were everywhere, as if he couldn't feel enough of me at once. At last he thrust up strongly sending me into intense climax.

I screamed into our joined mouths, but not wanting to remove my lips, I kissed him harder as I rocked against him once more and he cried out into mine as he joined me over the edge.

We remained flush against one another, in the cooling water kissing tenderly. He needed me, and I wanted to be everything he needed in that moment. I hugged him forcefully as he dropped his head to my shoulder and his body shook against me. I could feel his tears trickle over my shoulder and down my back but I secured him to me, never letting go and letting him know that I never would.

At last he shivered and sighed as the cold from the rain earlier and the now cool bath set in.

I drew my head back and kissed him again and stroked his face wiping away the last of his tears.

"I'm going to get us some towels."

He nodded and I kissed him and climbed out of the tub to the now damp and chilly bathroom. I quickly grabbed us towels and before I could turn around I felt him behind me.

I stood up and looked at him and my eyes locked with his. He looked so tired, so drawn and yet so adoring at the same time. I stepped over and wrapped the towel around him and he sighed and hugged me to him again.

 _Oh my poor Apollo._

We wordlessly got ready for bed. I knew he probably hadn't eaten anything, yet when I asked if he was hungry he just shook his head.

I stepped out of the bathroom to grab my phone and send Emmett a text. I told him I would call him in the morning and that I had to take care of something tonight. I was hoping he understood my cryptic message.

As I strode into the bedroom I noticed Edward already in bed, his eyes were closed and his beautiful hair was wet and drooping across his forehead. I changed into a short nightgown and slipped in beside him. But before I was even completely in bed he pulled me to him once again.

Yet this time I didn't curl into his chest like I usually did. Instead I held him with my arms around his shoulders and his head was lying on my breasts. His arm was snaked around my waist holding me, welding my body to his. I simply stroked my hand through is damp hair and over his back waiting for him to speak. I knew I couldn't sleep any time soon, but I would lay here and hold him all night if I had to.

At last he cleared his throat and spoke.

"He forged my father's signature." His voice was barely above a whisper. I just nodded hoping he could feel me.

"His old boss is at the club all the time and he used to be in charge of the products that went into the research facilities. He…forged his signature for a shipment…of Anthrax."

I tensed and clutched his shoulders.

 _Anthrax. Shit, this is…very serious._

"So…his boss is connected to your investigation."

He nodded into my chest. And then like before, it was as if a dam broke and he told me what he found out today. He told me about Reycon, Eric's former boss, Lividol, his involvement, the potential of bio-weapons and his father's concerns with his investments shortly before he died. He said the analysts would have to check it all but I had to admit, it didn't sound good. It sounded like he was somehow involved with the people peddling biological weapons, the people Edward was investigating.

I shuddered when the realization of the type of people he had to be around everyday hit me. I couldn't imagine some of the things he had seen and done. I knew he was an assassin. I knew he killed people. But it had honestly been largely in the abstract before now.

Now, now it was so _personal_ and struck me deeply. I knew he was a passionate man, it was one of the reasons I loved him, but that also meant that he felt things on a level that many others didn't. He felt pain on a level many others didn't and so I could only imagine how much he was hurting over this.

He stopped talking and I continued stroking his hair and his back trying to be there for him in any way I could.

"I'm going to have to go in tomorrow…to the Bureau office here."

"Yeah. Do you want to talk to Emmett?" I asked.

"Not tonight. I…can't. I just need you tonight." He said quietly.

I leaned down and placed a kiss on his head and he hugged me tighter. At some point his breathing evened out and he finally fell asleep, exhausted from the day's events. I shifted and turned out the light and held him closely as I followed him into the night.

*&^%$#

 _"_ _Bella I'm so excited for you to really get to meet Laurent."_

 _"_ _Well, he's coming to my birthday right?" Kate was over the moon for this guy, she met him at a party with Alec and me about a month ago. It was so funny, she was never like this. Alec didn't really like him, but he said he didn't know him either. I thought it was great that Kate finally met someone she liked, she was always so picky._

 _I snickered to myself as Kate babbled on the other end of the line. I was trying to get ready for my birthday date with Alec and stumbled over a shoe in his bedroom and toppled to the floor._

 _"_ _Oomph." Damn that hurt._

 _"_ _Bell are you okay?"_

 _"_ _Fine…" I rubbed my toe and cursed under my breath as I stood back up._

 _"_ _What happened?"_

 _"_ _I just tripped…big surprise right?" I grumbled and she chuckled on the other end of the line. I was notorious for my clumsiness._

 _"_ _Okay. Well I'll see you tomorrow at the happy hour. Don't have too much fun tonight." She teased._

 _"_ _Whatever. Ok. Bye Kate I'll see you tomorrow." I rolled my eyes._

 _I slipped on my stiletto for our date and went to knock on his bathroom door._

 _"_ _Hey are you almost ready?" He had been acting strange lately and I couldn't decide if it was from me or something else. I had come over earlier in the day so we could spend the day together before our dinner out to celebrate my 22_ _nd_ _birthday, just the two of us._

 _The door opened and steam rolled out as Alec emerged in his towel._

 _"_ _Yeah. Just give me ten minutes. Why don't you go have a glass of wine?" He sneaked past me without hardly looking at me and I frowned._

 _"_ _Okay." I said quietly. He didn't even say anything about my dress. I even bought a new dress in red because he liked the color on me._

 _I stepped out to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine as I sat there looking through a stack of newspapers on his counter. I noticed several circles around stocks and gave them a glance. I wasn't much of a day-trader I always preferred to simply save my money or put it a low-risk mutual fund. I saved as much as I could but it was hard in college. Luckily I had my scholarship._

 _I knew Alec was much more savvy with his investments. I glanced at the stocks he had circled: VRC, RPI, MIH, and BBG.** I shrugged, I didn't have a clue what those meant._

 _I started to open up the paper and lifted it up to flip to the Arts and Entertainment section. Suddenly a white piece of paper caught my eye as it fluttered to the floor._

 _I picked it up and eyed it peculiarly just as the telephone rang._

 _"_ _Alec?" I called, but it continued ringing. He must not have answered in his room._

 _"_ _Alec?" I yelled again but then the call finally flipped over to his answering machine._

 _"_ _Mr. Masen. Please consider our offer as we discussed. Be prompt for our appointment on the 22_ _nd_ _as we have several issues to attend to." The caller clicked off the line and I wondered what that meant._

 _Offer? What offer? Of course, he dealt with a lot of people working in his father's business it was probably something for a new project. I didn't know the voice, not that I would anyway._

 _I glanced back down at the paper in my hand and furrowed my brow. It was a receipt for a bank transaction to the Banque Privee. I had never heard of it before, but we also didn't discuss finances. We had considered moving in together when I finished college, but we definitely weren't to the point of a financial merge yet._

 _"_ _Hey are you ready to go?" He asked as he stepped into the room._

 _I looked up and smiled. He was clean shaven and had on a light blue shirt that brought out his eyes. His hair was wet but curling on the ends and his faded jeans hung just right. I instantly forgot about stocks and receipts and anything to do with business in that moment._

 _"_ _Yeah. You look great." I smiled._

 _"_ _So do you birthday girl." He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. Then he glanced down at the receipt in my hand._

 _"_ _Where did you get that?" He asked angrily._

 _"_ _I'm sorry, I was just looking through the newspaper and it fell out." What was his problem?_

 _His eyes widened and he grabbed it from me. "Sorry." He muttered without much conviction and the immediately grabbed the paper and the receipt and shoved it in the recycling bin._

 _"_ _We should go. I don't want to be late."_

 _Yes sir. What the hell? He was never gruff like this, he was always easygoing._

 _Dinner was awkward and tense. I kept trying to make small talk but his answers were short and clipped. At last I asked him what was wrong as we climbed into his BMW._

 _"_ _Nothing why?"_

 _"_ _You've been acting strange all night and I feel like…" My lip trembled as I looked down at my lap._

 _"_ _I feel like you're pulling away from me."_

 _His expression softened and he grabbed my hand and kissed it. "I'm sorry Isabella. It has nothing to do with you."_

 _I sighed. Obviously he didn't want to talk about whatever was bothering him._

 _Just then his phone rang and he scowled as he answered it._

 _"_ _Alec Masen."_

 _"_ _No. I can't, I'm out with Isabella for her birthday…"_

 _He grumbled. "Fine. But I need to take her home first."_

 _What? He was ditching me on my birthday? What the fuck?_

 _He hung up the phone and scowled at it again._

 _"_ _I'm so sorry Isabella. I have to go meet with my father."_

 _"_ _Tonight? But why?"_

 _"_ _I can't explain it, I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you tomorrow. Do you want me to drop you at your place or mine."_

 _"_ _Just take me home." I sighed._

I was suddenly startled from my dream by a scream.

"No! Stop. No, no!"

I jumped up and realized Edward was thrashing next to me.

"Edward. Babe. Edward!" I shook him as I tried to wake him up.

"No! She can't be gone. She can't be gone!"

"Edward! Edward!" I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me as I felt his body awaken from his dream. His eyes shot open and he instantly grabbed me and pulled me down to him.

"Liefje, oh my God you're here. You're here."

"Of course I'm here. Shhh. It was just a nightmare." I tried to soothe him but he had me crushed against his chest as he was covering my head with his lips. His tense body was shaking and his breathing was labored. But I felt him relax more as I wrapped my arms around his torso and he breathed deeply. We weren't in a comfortable position but I had to convey that he was okay and that it was a nightmare.

"Edward…what…what were you dreaming about?" I finally asked.

He swallowed and ran his hands over my arms and down my back repeatedly. It was as if he was ensuring that I was really there.

"They took you, someone took you. I couldn't see them and I couldn't get to you. But I just…you were gone…and Eric was there…" I felt him shudder against me.

"Shhh. Edward I'm here. I didn't go anywhere, I'm safe. I'm here with you."

"Oh Mijn Zon." He sighed and then I felt him loosen his hold a bit and I looked up at him.

He stared at me intently as a look of regret came over his face. He brushed my hair back from my face and I closed my eyes at his touch. We were quiet for a few moments until he spoke.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry for scaring you and…I'm sorry for last night."

He had to know that he didn't have to be sorry. I was afraid of this reaction from him and he had to know it was okay. I had seen men who were seventy years old and never cry in their life in my grief counseling sessions. He had to know it was okay to break down once in a while and that it was actually good for him to get it out.

I pulled out of his arms and sat up and placed my hands on either side of his face.

"Edward. Don't ever be sorry for coming to me. Never. I'm here for you, for anything okay. I'll always be here. You have to let it out. You can't bottle it all up inside all the time." I whispered as my eyes danced back and forth and I tried to get him to see how serious I was.

Last night before I fell asleep I knew that the one thing I would have to work on was this. He was so drawn within himself when we met and I knew that he would instinctively go there again with the new revelations about Eric.

"I'm sorry Liefje."

"Edward stop. Stop apologizing. It's not your fault…." I thought for a moment. "Do you remember when you first told me about Jacob?" He nodded.

"You said people make choices that we can't control sometimes. They don't make sense but…it's not in our hands." I shifted so I was up on my hunches staring right into his eyes. "It's no different with Eric. You can't explain it, and maybe he couldn't even explain it if he was here. But you definitely couldn't control it."

He sighed and closed his eyes and leaned his forehead to me. I leaned forward and pressed mine to his. We sat for a moment before I said what I really wanted him to hear.

"Edward, just promise me. Please promise me that you won't bottle this up. Use it, let it drive you. But please talk to me. I was so scared last night when…" My voice caught in my throat and my emotions from finding him in such a terrible state last night poured over. I had held it together for him and now it was overflowing as well.

"Oh Bella. I don't ever want to scare you." He wrapped his arms around me again and I put my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

I took a deep breath. I wanted him to know he didn't always have to be strong for me. He had to let it out. He had to _tell_ me. I feared if he didn't, especially now, I would lose him. I would lose the man I had grown to love and cherish over the last few months.

"Edward. I will always be here for you, and it's okay to break down. It's okay to feel emotion, but I just want you to know you can talk to me okay. You don't always have to put up your façade Apollo; I love you no matter what. But let me help you when I can."

I heard his breath hitch and we lay there holding each other tightly in the early morning.

"What would I do without you Liefje?" He murmured.

"You don't have to think about that. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here…always." I kissed him over his heart and shifted back. I wasn't sure what I should tell him this morning. I could tell he was overwhelmed but I knew I should tell him about my dream.

I decided to leave it for the moment and we lay there until the light in the window became brighter.

I skipped my morning run and instead showered with Edward and put on some coffee. He was quiet and thoughtful, but he seemed better than the night before and the early morning.

Once I emerged from the bathroom, I found him sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and the Sunday paper I had picked up the day before. It was then I remembered my dream.

I poured myself a cup and sat beside him.

"So, I had a strange dream last night too." I started. He looked up and furrowed his brow as I recounted the odd memory from my birthday.

"What do you think the significance is of it?" He asked as he sipped his coffee.

"I don't know. I was hoping you could help."

"And you didn't know the voice?" I shook my head 'no' because I had never heard it before…at least at the time of my memory. But it was nagging in the back of my mind now, I felt like I had heard it somewhere since then but I couldn't place it.

He thought for a moment. "Wait, what were the stocks that you said you saw?" I quickly recounted them.

He closed his eyes and muttered under his breath. "Fuck."

"What?"

"I think I know what those might be the call signs for, but I'm not sure. I'll have to give it to the analysts today. The thing about Banque Privee is interesting too."

"What's Banque Privee?"

"Well, my guess is that it's a bank in Switzerland?"

"Switzerland?" I asked.

"You know. Not in the U.S., an off-shore or something." He said with a strange look.

He wasn't telling me something. But that was fine. I knew he couldn't tell me everything about his mission and I knew that was also for my own safety.

I went to change and walked back to the kitchen before leaving for the day. He looked up again and his eyes softened.

"What?" I asked as I looked down. I thought maybe I had something tucked in wrong or on backwards.

"You look beautiful Liefje."

"Thanks." I blushed and bit down on my lip as he pushed off of the stool.

"Are you going to be okay?" I said as he pulled me into his arms. He gave me a half-frown and I leaned up to kiss him.

"Are you going in then today?"

He blew out a breath and nodded. "Yeah. I'm going to stop over at Emmett's first though." I nodded.

"I'll be here…tonight."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you more than I can say Liefje." He held me closely and gave me another kiss before he stepped out of my apartment and into the day ahead of him. I didn't know what it would hold, but I knew I would be here for him when he came home.

 _Home._

 _My home._

And I meant more by that than just my condo.

*&^%$#

 _Lavendar- Constancy_

Well…damnit.

I knew what this meant. It was August 22 and our interns last day had been Friday.

Which meant it wasn't the interns who sent the flowers, as I had been holding out hope that it might be. I was afraid to tell Edward about it tonight, especially with everything that happened yesterday. I was still trying to process it all myself after I came to work. I was pretty much useless all day. I just kept going over and over in my mind how broken he looked and how sad Carlisle looked when he came home. I tried to place my dream, anything I could to fit something together but I couldn't. I wanted to be there for him, but I really didn't know what more to say.

I could only imagine how hurt and angry and scared he was. If I had found out Brad did something like that I would have been so pissed at him.

But the problem was, the thought wouldn't make me miss him any less, and I was sure that was part of his struggle as well. I just hoped this hadn't completely set him back. He had come so far, and now he felt like it was all for nothing—his career, his goals, his ideals, making his brother proud.

I shook my head and tried to fight off the creeping anxiety in the pit of my stomach. We never had the chance to tell his family about Eliot last night. Honestly, I didn't know when he would want to do it now. If his father knew about Eric, then I could only assume his mother would know soon enough. I couldn't imagine dropping the bomb of a long lost grandson on them, especially considering it was Eric's son, right now.

I opened up my drawer and looked at the stack of flower cards once again as I placed the latest on top. I was completely confused and perplexed by it and I could only hope whoever was behind it would show themselves already.

I just sat down to dig into a new project when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." I called.

"Hey." Jazz popped his head in and gave me an impish smile. "You feeling better?" He asked as he eyed me.

"Yeah. Thanks Jazz." There was an uncomfortable silence between us and I hated it. I had really pulled away from my friends since I started seeing Edward, but it was impossible not to with the fact that we were secret and the intensity of my feelings for him.

Jazz walked over to my small table and picked up the glass bowl I received after the fundraiser.

"Nice bowl." He looked at it closely and then set it back down before he sighed.

"You going to tell me what happened last night?" He finally said.

"Um." I hated lying, not to mention I was terrible at it and Jazz would probably see right through me. "I got sick." I shrugged.

He crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Bella, I tried to keep Alice from constantly badgering you about who you've been seeing, but I think she's right. What's going on? And why won't you tell any of us anything? You tore out of there last night and then Carlisle was acting all weird…" He said as he brought his eyes back to me. It wasn't often that Jasper laid down the law, but when he did he had a formidable stare.

"Jazz. I…" I trailed off. How was I going to get out of this one? "Look. I'm sorry if I haven't been going out with you guys lately, I've just been working through some issues."

"Is it James? Are you seeing him again, because so help me God Bella."

"No!" I shouted and then quieted. "No Jazz."

He walked closer and his eyes looked pained. "Why won't you talk to me Bell? Alice said she's hardly spoken with you in a month, the same with Kate. Please tell me."

"I just can't Jazz…someday. But right now I just can't."

He sighed again and I felt awful for lying to one of my best friends. I needed to do something. I needed to make an effort. Even though right now my mind was so cluttered with everything else I could hardly think straight.

"Why don't we go out in the next week or two? Like old times. I know Ali isn't really up for it but we could hit that bar in Greenwich that always has the live bands. What do you think?"

"I can't next week, we have that big project for the new exhibit and then it's Labor Day." He exhaled. "How about after Labor Day?"

"Okay that sounds great."

He got quiet for a moment and I bit my lip as I waited. Finally he nodded and began to walk towards the door.

"But you're really okay Bell?"

"Yeah Jazz, I'm okay." _My boyfriend, your brother-in-law, is not but that's a whole other story._

I cringed internally.

He nodded again and left and I took a deep breath. This was really going to be very hard if I had to keep this up for a year. My friends were already starting to question things now. I knew the longer he was on the mission the harder it would be to keep it quiet. And the harder it would be for him in light of everything he learned of Eric. I just hoped that Edward's mission would end sooner rather than later. And not just for my sanity, for his.

*&^%$#

"Mmmm Apollo." I mumbled into his chest as he settled into bed. It was late Thursday night. I didn't know if he had been at the headquarters all day or if something else came up with his mission but he wasn't able to come for dinner tonight. He had been at the New York office all day on Monday and then had to go back in today.

"Hey. You can go back to sleep." He kissed my head as I snuggled into him. He was always so warm.

"No. That's okay. How did it go today?"

He sighed and brought me closer to him.

"It doesn't look good. It looks like he did make some strange investments around that time and so did Alec. It might have something to do with the things that you remembered."

"I'm sorry." I looked up at him and he looked tense.

His eyes were closed and he flexed his jaw. I could tell he was preparing to say something, but I waited. If I had learned anything in the last few days, heck last few months, I knew I had to let him go at his own pace.

"I'm done after this Liefje. I'm done. It doesn't hold any meaning for me anymore…not now."

 _What?_

 _Done. Like permanently done?_

 _Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute._

I was shocked. I knew he joined the FBI because of Eric, but I also knew he was very good at his job. I could tell by the way he and Emmett and Seth worked together the few times I met with him. He could try to deny it, but I knew he liked making difference and I knew he felt like he was giving back. He never wanted to be a rich kid or a "preppie" as he called it and he wasn't at all. I knew this was his life's passion, and even if it started with Eric, it ran deeper than that now.

"Edward. I don't think…I mean, do you think it's a good idea to make a decision like that now?"

He sighed again. "I don't want to do this anymore. I can't."

I knew what this was. He wasn't thinking clearly, he was shocked and denying the entire situation. It was the first stage of grief, I knew it well. So I gently probed him for some answers without pushing him.

"Have you thought about what you will do…after?"

"I don't know, maybe I'll take the bar exam. Or maybe I'll just live off of my trust fund for a while." He said half-heartedly.

 _Okay, definitely denial._

The shock had worn off after the last few days. I was sure after having to talk through it so extensively with the FBI he was numb.

So now he was denying it all. I thought about what I should say to him. Someone in the state of denial isn't necessarily reasonable. The best thing I could do was be supportive right now and hope he would come to see the light—making a decision for the right reasons, not all the wrong ones.

"Well, I will support you no matter what you want to do. I love you."

He sighed. "I love you too Liefje."

He squeezed me to him and kissed me again before I fell into a fitful sleep.

*&^%$#

The next week was trying. Edward was pulling within himself more and more. I didn't know how to help him or what to say. I knew that he had moved into the next stage, where he was suffering from intense pain and guilt, because he always looked so distraught.

He still came to me every night. And when we made love it was _so_ personal. But he had lost his playfulness, the side of him that I knew I helped bring out. I couldn't help but wonder if it would ever come back and that thought saddened me.

 _I just wanted my Apollo._

It didn't help that every night I had the same dream over and over again and every night he had nightmares about losing me, about Eric, and about other things that he kept to himself. I could only think those were things from his missions that were finally coming to surface in the middle of the night.

I wanted him to get help, to go see someone. But I didn't quite know how to approach the topic with him. So I determined for the first few weeks to just be there for him: physically, emotionally, mentally. Yet as Labor Day approached, it was becoming increasingly wearing and I knew that I would have to do something soon, especially since the anniversary of our brothers' deaths was right around the corner.

I kept wishing I could just remember _something._ Each morning my dream ended in the same place and I told Edward everything I remembered about it already.

On the Wednesday before Labor Day I was getting dressed for work and looking through my jewelry box for my sapphire pendant that Brad gave me for my 18th birthday. Instead I noticed the Dutch charm sitting in my jewelry box. I knew it was Eric's and it was supposed to be for good luck. I knew some part of Edward still held out hope that his brother wasn't really bad or just somehow got mixed up in all of it unintentionally. So I grabbed a chain off of another necklace in my jewelry box, slipped off the costume stone and put on the charm.

 _I figured we could use a little luck lately._

I wore it every day since and Edward hadn't seen it yet because each night he had come in late and I was already in bed.

The Saturday of Labor Day weekend I woke up with a stomachache and proceeded to run for the bathroom. I wretched into the toilet and then suddenly felt strong arms around me and fingers running through my ponytail.

"Are you okay Liefje?"

"Ugh." I tried to hide myself from him because I didn't want him to see me be sick but I could taste the late dinner I had with Kate the night before.

"I think I have food poisoning." I shivered and let my head fall back against his chest.

"What can I do?"

"Just give me a minute." I shivered again and he pulled me closer to him trying to warm me and stroking the top of my head.

"Do you want to go back to bed?"

"I need to go to my Mom's to help get ready for the barbecue."

I felt him tense. That was another discussion we had this last week. He didn't want me going to Renee and Phil's for their annual celebration. But I thought if I didn't go then they would be suspicious.

"You could tell them you're sick. You wouldn't be lying." He said then.

I sighed. I really didn't feel like going now. But what was I going to do all day? I knew he had to attend to a few matters with his investigation and Charlie was joining Sue at Jacob and Leah's house. I didn't particularly want to go there either.

"Okay." I finally sighed. I felt him let out a breath of relief and he kissed the top of my head.

"How about I take you back to bed?"

"I need to brush my teeth first."

He nodded and helped me up before stepping out of the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth and scrubbed my face before I climbed back into bed. I closed my eyes and tried to will away the rolling in my stomach when I heard his feet patter into the bedroom.

"Hey. I brought you some toast and some water." He set it on my nightstand and gently brushed a stray hair out of my face as I sighed.

We were quiet for a moment as I ate my toast. I could feel a distance between us and I hated it. I leaned over and the small tee that I was wearing shifted. As I sat back his fingers found the pendant around my neck and I felt everything still.

I looked up to his jade eyes staring intently at it. I could see the aching and hurt on his face and I instantly drew my hand up over his.

"I put it on…for good luck. Someone once told me that's what it was for." I gave him a small smile, but I really didn't know how he was going to react.

"Yeah." He said thickly. "I guess we could use some luck right now huh?"

I was glad he wasn't upset, _and_ I was hoping maybe this would open some dialogue. I hated that he had pulled away from me the last few weeks. So I decided it was time to finally address it.

"Hey. Come lay with me."

He nodded and climbed in next to me and wrapped his arms around me spooning me from behind. I always felt so safe and so secure in his arms, as if nothing could touch me. It was the reason it killed me so much that I couldn't do more for him.

"Talk to me Edward. Please."

"I don't know what to say." He sighed.

"Tell me what you're feeling." I tried.

He took a deep breath and I could feel his body tense as he moved to roll over. But I clutched his arms around me and held him there. I wanted him to know he could tell me, he should tell me and he couldn't just push it down anymore. I could feel him physically relent into me again and finally he exhaled.

"Everything, nothing, all at the same time. It's like a constant intense burning feeling, but not like when I'm with you, not in a good way."

"You feel every single ounce of it and yet you're numb at the same time right?" I asked knowingly.

"Yeah." He said lowly.

"I know. You're grieving. You feel like you lost him all over again because you feel like he was a different person. So it drudged up everything that you pushed down for so long and brought it back ten-fold."

He squeezed me to him tightly and I knew I didn't have to hear him answer. So instead I turned around to face him, with his arms still around me.

"It's okay to be in pain, and okay to feel guilty." I lightly stroked his cheek with my fingers and he swallowed. "It's normal. But right now is the time you need to talk about it the most." I left my hands on his face and lifted his eyes to be met with the burning jade.

He swallowed again as his lids fluttered shut and then reopened. He took several breaths as his eyes danced with mine. I just continued to wait until finally he spoke.

"I feel like…" He trailed off. "I feel like I should have known, like I could have done something to stop him. I want to go back and yell at him and scream at him for being an idiot and at the same time I feel guilty for feeling that way about him."

And once again the dam broke.

Finally. We were getting somewhere.

Finally, he began to tell me about how over the last two weeks, everything reminded him of Eric, even more so than right after he died. Everywhere he went, little things like songs or colors or foods. He was fighting between missing him and feeling like he lost him all over again and feeling guilty for what he did. He had tried to focus on his mission instead, and then that made him angry and hurt as well. He felt like he was in a constant state of torment.

At last he blew out a breath and I continued to hold his face in my hands as I spoke.

"You don't have to feel bad about feeling that way Edward. But you do have to get it out. Just promise you'll talk to me. I didn't know what to do…" I suddenly got choked up and my lip began to quiver.

"Oh Liefje don't cry. I'm so sorry. I just don't know how to do this." He hugged me to him and I breathed him in. "I don't know how to talk…"

"No one knows how, but you have to let us help you. You have to let me in." I whispered.

"I know." He kissed the top of my head and sighed. "I know."

We lay there for the better part of the morning simply holding each other. I felt like he had a small breakthrough, but I knew there were tough times ahead. I knew this was only the second stage and we had a long way to go, I just hoped he would let me help him along the way.

*&^%$#

When I finally started to feel better around 11:00 Edward left for the day and I decided to go to Brooklyn after all. I respected Edward's concerns about going to my mother's and called her to tell her that I couldn't make it. She was disappointed, but like usual Renee she just moved on to the next thing as she talked to me about going to dinner for my birthday.

I arrived at Jacob and Leah's around 1:00 and followed the noise of the party to the back. I realized as soon as I got there that I was right to come. I hadn't seen a lot of my old friends in almost two months because I had been spending so much time with Edward.

I gave Charlie and Sue a hug and walked over to grab a beer with Sam and Emily. But as soon as I sniffed the beer my stomach rolled again and I thought testing it with alcohol was probably not the best idea. I settled on a bottle of water instead and chatted with Emily and Jared's wife Kim about their kids and school starting back up after the holiday.

"Hey Bells!" My Dad called over to me and I could see him talking with Billy and a few of his buddies from the neighborhood.

"Yeah."

"Do you remember what we did with that baseball of Brad's? The Mattingly ball. These guys don't believe that he really caught a home run."

"Sure Dad. Why don't I run and get it?" I smiled.

"Thanks Bells." He turned back to regale his buddies with the tale of how Brad ran under four pairs of legs to get the ball when he was only eight years old.

I walked the half block down the street to my old house noting how much more lighthearted my father had been lately. I could only attribute that to Sue and I was glad for him. I quickly ran upstairs to grab the ball and as I came back down I abruptly stopped in the hallway.

"Oh. Leah. What are you doing here?"

"What do you think you're doing?" She spat.

I shook my head at her. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Leah. I don't, I really don't."

She crossed her arms and all but snarled at me. "Charlie says he doesn't see you or talk to you as much and Jacob's always gone. That can only lead me to one conclusion."

 _Oh shit. She really does think I'm having an affair with her husband._

"Leah…I'm not." I put my hands up just as I heard the front door open.

"Bella."

Oh fuck. It was Jacob.

Leah's eyes grew wider and her face was crimson in anger. I could see her almost shaking and I knew this was the last thing I needed.

Jake walked in and eyed us suspiciously.

"What's going on here?" He glanced back and forth. "Leah?" He finally asked with his arms crossed.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me Jacob?" She turned her intense gaze on him and he sighed.

"Bella, why don't you go back to the party while my wife and I handle this."

But before I could turn, Leah grabbed my arm to make me stop. "No. This ends now. I've had it. I know what you two are doing."

"Leah we're not doing anything." Jake closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

"Like hell. I've found the receipts; I've seen the notices from your secret bank account. You're going to see her aren't you? Everything's from Manhattan." She thrust her head in my direction and Jake looked at her in shock.

"I…uh…I don't know what you're talking about Leah." He stammered.

"Give me a break. You're always gone, at all hours of the day and night. You never tell me where you are and you don't even care about your kids anymore." Her voice began to shake and I could see her anger and frustration boiling over.

"Leah, I'm not." He ran his hands down his face and I felt like an intruder in the situation but she still had a grip on my arm and wouldn't let go.

"God! Why won't you just admit it? How long, how long have you been fucking her? At least give me that. Has it been months? Years?"

I realized things were getting out of hand and I couldn't leave so I needed to step in.

"Leah. Please calm down. Nothing is going on between Jacob and me. I promise you. I would never do that….and neither would he. Right Jake." I turned to look at him and he turned away.

 _Son-of-a-bitch._

"Then what about always being gone? What about the receipts from that club and always having meetings with your new buddy Demitri. What the fuck Jacob you weren't even here when I lost…"

 _Demitri?_

Leah began to break down and I grabbed her arm. I looked at Jacob. I wasn't sure what to do but I knew Jake needed to leave—now. I didn't know if Leah would allow me to comfort her. I knew she hated me but I never felt any ill will toward her. And hell with Charlie and Sue together, we might become step-sisters in the future.

"Leah, let's sit down." She was crying and Jacob took a step forward. I put my hand up and shook my head.

He dropped his shoulders and walked out. Once I heard the door slam behind him I wrapped my arm around Leah's shoulders. It wasn't comfortable and I had no idea what to say. But apparently I was everyone's counselor these days.

"Leah. Nothing's going on with us, there never has been, I don't…" Shit, I couldn't say that I didn't return his sentiments. That would just make her feel worse.

"I've never felt that way about him."

She sniffled and put her head in her hands as I rubbed her back. "I know." She sighed.

"You were always just an easy target. I knew from the beginning I would never have him completely and I thought I was okay with that. But now with the boys and having it thrown in your face…" She shook her head.

"I just didn't want to believe that it was other women or God knows what else."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed again and picked at her jeans. "I think he's been doing something illegal. He's never around and suddenly we have all these… _things_."

She began to tell me about how a few months ago Jacob was very stressed. He always handled their finances and she knew things were tight, but didn't ask. Then he started going out at night and working "overtime." He began to talk of these new "friends" that he meant through work but she couldn't figure out what he meant by that because he was a cop, yet these guys didn't sound like cops. She gave me the names of a few and as soon as she said Demitri again I stiffened. I tried not to let it show that I knew about a lot of it, but it was helpful nonetheless, to figure out how it fit together from another person's perspectives. I decided to take a leap and ask her about his secret account.

"How did you find out about his secret account?" I asked quietly, trying to hide my intentions.

"I began to look after we got a new 52 inch flat screen TV that I was pretty sure we couldn't afford. I found a receipt from a bank I'd never heard of."

"What was the bank?" I asked quickly.

" _Privee_ or something. It wasn't one I had heard of. In fact it didn't even look like it was from the U.S."

 _Privee? It couldn't be could it? The same as Alec's?_

"Were there any others?"

She furrowed her brow. "Not that I saw. But I did see something with a funny symbol on it."

I swallowed. "What did it look like?"

She shook her head. "Like a cat or something. It was odd, I had never seen it before."

Hmmm. I didn't know what this meant, but I filed it away for later.

 _God I wished I could talk to Brad right now. He always had the best instincts about this kind of stuff._

"We should probably get back, since it's my party." She laughed wryly.

"For what it's worth Leah, I'm always here. I know you and I haven't always gotten along but…" I shrugged. "I never disliked you. I hope you know that."

"I know. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you."

"It's okay."

"It's not." She rolled her eyes. "You always were too damn nice. I would have slapped me by now." She joked and gave me a half smile. But then she turned somber once again. "Which is probably why I kept pushing it, I never got a reaction so I thought…you know…silence as affirmation."

I nodded. I could understand her point. I had never taken her aside before this to assure that nothing was going on. I always assumed Jacob would fulfill his role in doing that but he obviously never did.

We made our way back to the party, my brother's baseball in hand and I gave Leah a quick squeeze on her arm. She returned it and walked into the backyard with a fake smile on her face to sift through the rubble of what was left of her marriage.

*&^%$#

 _I stepped out of my apartment into the street and looked up at the sky. It was a bright sunny Tuesday morning. I was meeting with a small group today before my 10:00 class and I was already running late. My birthday was on Thursday and I chuckled as I listened to the voicemail from Brad._

 _"_ _Hey Bella, bella bo-bella, you're going to be twenty on Thursday little sis. Still not old enough to drink, I know these things. They teach us at the academy." He laughed at himself and I smiled. "But I was wondering if you wanted to celebrate early with the gang in Brooklyn tomorrow night. Call me. Love ya."_

 _I closed my phone and went to meet with my small group. At 10:00 I walked into the lecture room next door and noticed it was strangely empty. Students were scurrying about and everyone seemed uneasy. Of course our first paper for the class was due in a week, so I figured that most people were just amped up for their first graded project._

 _At last our professor walked in and everyone in the room was quiet._

 _"_ _As I'm sure many of you have heard…this morning two planes hit the World Trade Center towers. I don't expect you to stay in class and I anticipate that classes will be cancelled for the rest of the day around campus. So please feel free to go and be with your families."_

 _Oh my God!_

 _The room burst into chatter with the news. How had I not heard of this? Oh my God, I knew people that worked there! I had friends whose parents worked there! I jumped out of my seat and threw my things in my bag and raced back to my apartment._

 _As I was running I began to frantically dial my cell phone. I didn't know anything about what had happened and I wanted to get in contact with Brad and Charlie._

 _But the entire way back I couldn't get a signal. I tried over and over again and a sick feeling started creeping into my body. I tried to ignore it as I raced up the stairs to our apartment. I took the stairs two and three at a time and I was wheezing with fright and exertion as I opened the door._

 _Kate was pacing back and forth in front of the TV and Alec was there._

 _Why wasn't he at work? Why is he here?_

 _"_ _Bell!" She instantly came over and hugged me tightly._

 _"_ _What's going on?" I said frantically as Alec wrapped his arms around me as well._

 _"_ _They don't know. They thought it was just an accident at first but…they think it might be a terrorist attack." Alec said thickly. He looked terrified as well._

 _"_ _What's wrong?"_

 _"_ _I uh…I just…have a few friends that worked there." He brushed it off. "Did you get a hold of your Dad and your brother?" He asked quickly._

 _"_ _No. All the cell towers must be jammed." I shook my head but looked at them quizzically. They both had fearful looks on their faces._

 _"_ _Bell. I think you should sit down." Kate grabbed my arm._

 _"_ _No! Tell me what's going on."_

 _Alec put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to him. He swallowed and I could see the pain on his face. "Kate…called me over because…well…there were several police and fire fighters dispatched to it and one of the Towers fell."_

 _Fell? What the hell did he mean fell? Like collapsed? As in to the ground?_

 _A shudder ripped through my body in that instant and I looked at Kate. But she was standing like a statue in front of the TV. I watched in horror as the second tower fell on the TV screen._

 _In that second I felt a sharp pain in my chest and then it was gone._

 _Somehow, I didn't know how, but at that exact moment I knew Brad was gone._

I watched as the stops from Brooklyn to Manhattan rolled by as I remembered that fateful day. I was returning home after spending the day at Jacob and Leah's.

After my confrontation and eventual reconciliation with Leah, I had returned to the party with the baseball and tried to laugh and joke around with everyone. But the entire encounter left me reeling a bit.

I missed my brother. I wished he was there to kick Jacob in the ass for hurting Leah and for getting involved in whatever he was involved in. I wanted to talk to him about Edward and tell him how I found the love of my life but how he was hurting and I was trying to find a way to help him.

But most of all, I wanted him to be standing next to Charlie again, telling jokes and laughing and bitching or boasting about the Yankees, depending on the year.

I looked out the window at where the Towers used to stand and put my hand to my chest. Brad was one of the missing for several days after the collapse. But I knew. I knew the second he was gone because of the sharp pain in my chest. And it was confirmed five days later when they found his remains in the rubble of the North Tower. Once they found Harry and the two other men from their precinct who had rushed to the scene as soon as they heard it over their radios, the families decided to do a joint memorial. I was grief stricken. Brad was my rock for so long: through the divorce, when kids picked on me, encouraging me to go to college and encouraging me to pursue my dreams.

I missed him on his birthday and I missed him at holidays, but the day of the attack was always the hardest.

As the train pulled into my station and I took a cab to my apartment, my thoughts turned to Edward. He seemed lighter this morning, better. But I knew he had a long way to go. It took me months to get through the stages, but he never did it the first time, so now it was coming back with the force of a volcano because of what he found out.

I just vowed to do whatever I could to help him.

I quickly unlocked my condo and stepped into the darkness. Edward text me earlier that he would be late again tonight. I wished he was here. I wanted nothing more than his arms around me right now. I readied for bed and once again fell into a night of repeated dreams.

*&^%$#

The light was streaming through the windows as I lay my head on his chest.

"Well it all seems to match up." Edward murmured.

I bit my lip as I looked at him and agreed. I had just mentioned everything that happened the day before in detail.

"What do you think the symbol is?" I inquired.

He shook his head. "I have no idea. I haven't seen anything that sounds like it. I'm not sure what it means."

"Yeah."

"Are you okay Liefje?"

"I uh…I was just thinking." I knew he was going to be upset at my realization so I tried to decide how to tell him.

"What is it?" He gently stroked my hair and for the first time in weeks I felt like my Apollo was back.

"Um…it's just that…based on the whole interaction, it makes me think that he's not the one sending the flowers either."

He stiffened and his hand stopped. "Did you get them last week? Even after the interns were done?"

I nodded and he closed his eyes and blew out a breath.

"What were they?"

"Marigolds."

"And what does that mean."

"Um." _Shit. He's going to flip out when I tell him_. "Sacred affection, cruelty, grief, and…jealousy."

"What?" His arms tightened around me and I could feel his breathing pick up. "Bella, why didn't you tell me before?"

He sat up then and his eyes were searing into me.

"I didn't want to make you worry more with everything…" I trailed off.

He dropped his head in his hands. "Liefje, I worry more when I don't know exactly what is going on. You have to tell me these things." He shook his head and I opened and closed my mouth like a dead fish.

Then he turned to me and put his hand on my face. I could see the worry in his eyes. "Mijn Zon, you told me I need to open up and…I'm trying, but…you need to talk to me too. Don't try to protect me. I can handle it. I would much rather know."

I nodded and put my hand on his cheek as we mirrored our positions. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to make of it anymore."

"I have my suspicions but…"

"What are they?"

He blinked then and ran his hand from my face down to my collarbone. "I think they could be from Demitri."

I was stunned. I had never thought of that.

My eyes danced across his face and I could see now why he was so worried. Demitri was just as involved with all of these people as James or Jacob or his brother and Edward repeatedly mentioned that he was _very_ dangerous. It was the root of all of his fears that they might be after me as well.

"I…I never." I shook my head. "But it does kind of make sense. I haven't seen him in years and now all of a sudden he's back and it's around the same time the flowers started and the same time as your mission."

He nodded and fear seeped into my stomach. I shivered at the thought that he was possibly after me. The sixth sense feeling I had been getting for the last few months came crashing back to me and I looked at Edward.

"I have had these feelings. Strange feelings…"

"What are you talking about?"

I explained to him the odd sense that I got back in June, the night we met when I went down to the gym and then on several occurrences walking to and from work. His jaw tensed and flexed and I could feel his grip on my shoulders.

"I just don't understand why anyone would be after me…and…I'm scared." I whispered and he pulled me into his arms. Weeks of pent up frustration and worry about him poured out of me. I hadn't realized how much I bottled up as well in an effort to help him. Everything was just as secret for me as it was for him and now it was all coming out. He held me as I cried and whispered in my ear over and over that he would protect me. I knew it was probably killing him inside, but he was the one comforting me now.

I hooked my arms around his neck and trailed my nose from his ear to his jaw and finally brought my lips to his. Our mouths met with force and through our kiss we traded our fears, our desires and our desperation to have this entire puzzle solved. Our kiss grew feverish and I ran my fingers through the hair at the base of his neck and tugged. He moaned into my mouth as our bodies responded to one another.

He laid me back on the bed and hovered over me, his mouth never leaving mine as we shared the absolute need we had for the other.

He pulled back and placed and clutched my face in his hands as he stared deeply into my eyes.

"I will protect you Liefje. Always. With my life. I'll never let anything happen to you."

Tears formed in the corner of my eyes again as his mouth met mine and we made love in the early hours of that Sunday morning.

*&^%$#

"Bella!" Alice waived to me and I waved back as I made my way across the bar.

She hopped off of her chair and wobbled over to hug me tightly before sitting back down.

"Ali, I didn't think you would want to come out."

"Bella, I'm pregnant, not an invalid. Besides, we needed to get out of the house and we needed a night together." She smiled.

I grinned back as I grabbed a drink menu. It was Thursday night but I still hadn't felt well since Saturday and I was starting to think I had a bug rather than just food poisoning. The thought of drinking anything made my stomach turn.

The waitress came to take our order and I asked for a specialty raspberry lemonade. I glanced at Alice and she was eyeing me suspiciously. We were the first ones there so I knew she wanted to ask me something.

"What?" I finally said.

"You're not drinking?"

"Yeah, I haven't felt well since Saturday. I think I got food poisoning and now it's morphed into a bug." I shrugged.

"Oh." She said, but kept her eyes on me. "I know I have been pestering you and I'm sorry, but you're my friend and I just want to know if you're okay."

 _Well you see… there's this organized crime ring that apparently everyone I know is connected to and I might possibly be a target for some unknown reason, but yeah I'm okay._

I didn't share my snarky thoughts from my head. Instead I put on my best fake smile and lied through my teeth.

"I'm great Ali, just busy with work and not feeling well since I had the root canal and being sick this weekend." I said nonchalantly.

"So you're not seeing anyone?"

"Nope."

She sighed. "Bell, it's okay if you are, but you just…you've never been so distant like this before. I've hardly talked to you lately. Is it something _I_ did?"

I looked into my friend's eyes and instantly felt bad. Rose knew. But yet I couldn't tell Alice or Jasper because of their relation to Edward.

I reached over and grabbed Alice's hand and squeezed. "No Ali, of course not…I'm sorry. I guess…I've just been thinking about Brad a lot lately."

Her eyes softened and she nodded. She would understand that, unfortunately I couldn't tell her about the revelation regarding her deceased brother.

With that we talked about our plans to attend a memorial the following Monday. Soon enough, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Kate arrived and we were drinking, laughing and listening to the young alternative band play on stage. I continued to drink my lemonade or water and Rose eyed me suspiciously as well.

 _What the hell was with everyone?_

Then out of the blue Kate changed the subject.

"So. Garret and I finally decided to tell our bosses about our relationship." She piped up.

"Really? What did they say?" I was curious for obvious reasons.

"Well, they weren't exactly happy, but they also said that they needed us too much in our positions to do much about it. We just shouldn't 'encourage' it with any other agents." She emphasized.

"That's good right?" Alice said.

"I think so. They didn't fire either of us and it's nice to finally be out in the open and not be sneaking around all the time."

I plastered a smile on my face and looked at Rose and Emmett. Emmett's eyes went wide and I could see him thinking about everything. He and I shared a look and he nodded like "keep it cool."

"Anyhow, I'm just glad we could finally go out in public." She looked down at her phone as it beeped. "And speaking of that, he's going to join us in a bit."

I instantly tensed and Emmett dropped his head. I knew that Garrett wouldn't know about Rose, but he definitely knew about me because he and Emmett discussed me. And I didn't know if Emmett was supposed to be here with us. But he didn't make to leave so I sat there awkwardly waiting.

Barely two minutes later, a dashing man in his mid-thirties walked in. He was dressed casually in a black button up and jeans, very un-agent-like attire. He had chin length blond hair pulled back in a pony tail and baby blue eyes. He was ruggedly handsome and I saw the hugest smile cross Kate's face.

I was very happy for my friend but shitting my pants considering half of the people at the table were hiding things from him.

Kate introduced him to everyone around the table and I shook his hand as he eyed me peculiarly. He looked at Emmett and did the same, but Emmett being the undercover agent that he was took it in stride and merely introduced himself as John Emerty.

Garrett was incredibly nice and seemed to dote on Kate, something very different from the men she dated before. I could tell he was as much in love with her as she was with him.

After a while my anxiety eased and we were all joking and laughing together as we listened to the band. My unease quickly turned to longing as I glanced around the table. One person would make this scene complete. Only one person was missing.

 _Edward._

I suddenly wished we could have the same reveal as Kate and Garrett and he could be sitting beside me as well. But I knew we were a long way from that.

I sighed to myself and I saw Rose watching me.

"Well everyone. I have a very early conference call so I better go. Bella do you want to leave with me?" She glanced at me and I nodded gratefully. I could only take so much more time with the three happy couples around me.

"Why don't I catch a cab with you two since I have to go that way as well." Emmett nodded. He played it off easily and for all Garrett knew he was just following me. He and Rose had been very careful about not touching each other.

We said our good-byes and jumped in the cab to head back to the Upper West Side.

"Well that was close." John sighed heavily as he got in the cab.

"Yeah." I said quietly.

"What's wrong B? You seemed down tonight?" He rubbed my shoulder as he had his arm around Rose.

"Nothing." I mumbled and looked out the window.

"C'mon?" He nudged me.

I bit my lip and looked back toward them. "I just haven't felt well and now…you know."

They both nodded and a few minutes later we were climbing in the elevator to ride up to our floor.

I bid Emmett and Rosalie good night and slipped into my condo. It was quiet and dark. I knew Edward was working with Seth tonight, although for some reason Emmett didn't join them.

But as I stepped down the hallway and slipped off my shoes. Something seemed…off, almost as if someone had been here.

Just as I went to flip on the light I saw a flicker of something from the living room.

 _Oh my God someone's here!_

I frantically turned back to the door as I heard shuffling and before I knew it I screamed as loud as I could and reached for the door and flung it open.

In a matter of seconds I was in the hallway and an intense gun-toting Emmett was busting back through my door.

"Bella are you okay?" Rosalie asked me repeatedly.

I gasped and tried to catch my breath as I realized I was flat against the wall across the hall from my door. Rose grabbed my hand and pulled me towards Emmett's place as I stumbled after her. We quickly locked ourselves in and I sat on the couch and rocked to myself.

A few minutes later Emmett walked back in, gun holstered, and looked intently at me.

"Are you okay? He didn't hurt you did he?"

"N-no." I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. "Who was it?" I tensed in case he was still there.

"I don't know. I didn't get a look at him. He escaped down your fire escape."

"What?"

"I think he came in through your fire escape but I think we need to have that reinforced. I locked it up for now, but you need to be careful. No matter what I think you should stay here tonight."

"But…Edward's supposed to be over later."

"Why don't you call him and leave him a message?"

He had somehow thought to grab my purse and keys from the apartment and handed them to me. I reached into my bag and quickly dialed his phone. I knew he wouldn't get it if he was out. But as soon as I heard the beep I left him a message.

"Um. Hey, it's me…I just wanted to let you know I'm staying at John's. Someone was uh… in my place when I got home." I paused. "I love you…I miss you."

I clicked off the call and looked at Rose and Emmett. Suddenly I was exhausted. I was mentally exhausted by the last two weeks, I was physically exhausted from being sick and I was emotionally exhausted from the night. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

But once they went to bed and I was lying on the couch in his quiet apartment, I couldn't help but wish I was in my bed, with a certain pair of strong arms around me. I only hoped those strong arms would soon be there because regardless of how hard the last two weeks had been, I missed him more and more every day. And I hoped, as I lay there listening to the tiny ticks of the apartment that one day, he would be there—for good.

 **XXXX**

 **A/N:**

**The stock names are obviously made up, so if you know real-life stocks, obviously these are different, as they have meaning for the story :)


	21. Chapter 21: Aftermath

**Chapter 21: Aftermath**

 ** _Dream On by Aerosmith_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

 _"_ _Oh E, we need to do this more often." Eric kicked back in his lounger._

 _"_ _Damn right we do. School sucks right now."_

 _"_ _What are you talking about 'Mr. I've got a photographic memory'." He chided me._

 _"_ _Doesn't matter how good your memory is when you have to write papers and shit."_

 _"_ _Whatever. You already got in to Columbia, why are you still busting your ass?"_

 _"_ _Because I, dear brother actually care about my grades." I joked and adjusted my sunglasses. Why couldn't I always be in Mexico?_

 _He snorted. "Excuse me but I had good grades."_

 _"_ _The amount of chicks you banged and drinks you consumed doesn't count Eric."_

 _"_ _Fuck off E. I kept it above a 3.0, that's all Mom and Dad required. Besides, I was already in line for my life anyhow…" He trailed off._

 _"_ _Dude you didn't have to take the job at Reycon. You could have worked somewhere else."_

 _"_ _I know…" He sighed. "But you don't know how it is, being the first Cullen grandchild, and the first boy…you'll never get it E."_

 _"_ _I think you're just being a drama queen." I smirked._

 _"_ _Ass." He threw his napkin at me and I laughed as he drank his foo-foo drink. I on the other hand continued to sip my Corona._

 _"_ _You'll find out. Someday you'll find out it's all not what it seems…"_

Warmth pulled me from my memory and I looked down to find its source. Her hair was draped across me as she let out sweet little sighs. I should have been warm. She was so warm…so loving…and so protective. I should have felt the heat emanating from her body and her warm breath as it blew over my chest.

I should have felt it all.

But I didn't.

I was cold.

Empty.

I had been empty for the last three weeks.

I had been frozen for the last three weeks.

I knew what tomorrow was.

Thirteen years.

Thirteen years from the day he left.

Thirteen years from when my life was irrevocably changed forever.

Thirteen years from when he betrayed me.

It seemed like a million years ago and three seconds ago all at the same time.

But now I had no concept of time. I had no idea how long I had been awake thinking about our Spring Break trip to Mexico my senior year. When Eric talked his boss into letting him have the week off so he could go party with me, chase girls and sit on the beach.

His boss.

The same boss involved with the Draconis, the scum of the earth.

The last three weeks had been…trying. More than trying. Impossible. Unbearable. Excruciating.

And yet I felt…cold. Betrayed, and angry and guilty and frustrated and most of all…sad.

I wanted out. I was done. The FBI held nothing for me anymore. My life had meant nothing up to this point. Before Eric died I idolized him. He was my best friend, my older brother, my almost twin by only 16 months in age difference. And yet, he lied to me. He consorted with the most black and vile evilness this world holds.

And what did I do? I spent the next years avenging his death, proving how much I would make him proud. And all for what?

For nothing.

The only thing I had left was her. And to top off the miserably shitty three weeks I had, someone broke into her apartment. The thought that she could be taken from me—that she was somehow a target of the vile blackness that I was investigating—made me sick. I was beyond distraught when I received her message. I wanted to kill anyone or anything that threatened to hurt her.

Because I knew.

I knew if something happened to her then the tiniest bit of humanity that I was holding on to would be gone. I would be gone forever, and I already decided that as soon as she left this world so would I.

I couldn't survive without her. If the last three weeks had made anything so blaringly obvious it was that ultimate fact.

She was everything to me.

And for that reason I was done.

I wouldn't subject her to my undercover missions anymore. I wouldn't expose her to the evilness that I dealt with on a daily basis. I promised to protect her and I would die trying if I had to, because this world shouldn't and couldn't go on without her living in it.

She had awakened in me the deep-seeded desires that I had for so long oppressed. I wanted it all with her. I wanted to be married, to have children, to spend the rest of my life with her. And I wanted to forget anything that existed before her—because it didn't matter any way.

Now I didn't even know who I was. I knew I wasn't myself. The Edward Cullen I had been for so long was a lie.

So I could only be something else, for her…with her.

If the only thing I did for the rest of my life was to devote it to her, then I would; because nothing else mattered. Everything else was a lie.

I shifted and lightly ran my fingers through her hair and down her back. It was Sunday morning, September 10. The day… _before_.

The day before the anniversary that would be so hard for both of us for so many reasons, the day our lives were irrevocably changed forever.

However, we would be remembering very differently this year. For the last thirteen years I agonized over this day. I wallowed in my heartache and drank myself into oblivion until I couldn't see or smell or think of Eric anymore; until I pushed him out of my mind so I wouldn't have to face the pain.

But not Bella, she would go to Brad's memorial yet again. She would honor his memory and laugh and cry while she regaled tales of their childhood to him. She would work through her pain and her grief and come out sad, but refreshed.

But not me. As she said to me only a week ago, I was in a constant state of torment. And I knew now that I had been in that state for the last thirteen years.

What did she call it? The seven stages of grief.

I hadn't experience them until now. Yet, I knew over the last three weeks they had washed over me like a tidal wave. I started out in disbelief, not knowing what had happened, not wanting to believe what I found out.

After the night I showed up at her fire escape, drenched and freezing, I couldn't get warm again. I went to the headquarters the next day and robotically informed Garrett of everything I found out—about Reycon, and Kebi and the Anthrax and the forgery.

He submitted it to the analysts and so for three days I had a fleeting thought of hope, a tiny speck of belief that maybe, just maybe, Eric didn't do the things I thought he did.

When I went back on Thursday they only confirmed my deepest darkest fears: he had in fact accessed the file from Reycon. Since then my father had been cooperating with the FBI analysts. Even though he could get fired for divulging company information he released it without a subpoena. I think he was just holding out the same abject desire as I was.

It was all for naught.

And so with the realization that he was really involved came the intense pain and guilt.

 _Why?_

 _Why would he do such a thing?_

 _Why would he get involved with something so abhorrent?_

I wracked my brain over and over and over to try to figure out a reason or a connection—but nothing. It was only money. It was only fucking money that my family had more than enough of.

I felt like I should have seen something, noticed something, realized _something_. Maybe I could have stopped him or talked him out of it. Or maybe I could have helped him if he had a problem that I didn't know about.

I was angry at him, disgusted by him and then intensely guilty about feeling that way about Mijn Broer. I wanted to resurrect him from the grave and tear into to him and demand an explanation but then give him a hug all at the same time.

That was part of the problem.

There was no grave, and there would be no explanation.

So my guilt over feeling like I should have known or done something and over feeling ill towards Mijn Broer turned into a deep, raging, furious anger.

I was pissed.

I was pissed at him, pissed at Kebi, pissed at the Draconis, pissed at the FBI, pissed at my father—though I knew it was unfounded, pissed at Masen for, I was pretty sure, involving Bella in this mess and mostly…pissed at myself.

I was motherfucking mad. More mad that I had ever been in my life.

Bella tried to draw me out, she forced me to talk. I was able to share with her my pain and my guilt. But I couldn't share my anger. I couldn't let her see that the monster I had tried so hard to repress was waiting, lurking beneath the skin of the agent. The assassin sat at bay and glanced at the clock every so often until he would say "it's time."

I couldn't let her see him. I couldn't let her know how _angry_ I was because then…then she might realize I wasn't worth it. And I knew if I lost her that would be the end.

 _If someone else didn't take her from me first._

I shuddered and pulled her more tightly to me as she hummed in her sleep. She had been very tired and not felt well lately. I hoped it wasn't because of me. I knew she was worried about me. She was so strong the first night and so empathetic. But I knew it was all taking a toll on her—the investigation, the connections, and now the fact that someone was clearly after her.

My mind went back to Thursday night when I received her message…

 _I was out at the same bar in Clinton that I went to the night of my first assignment in New York. Seth and I were scoping out a few of the mid-level Dracs. We were chatting and taking in the scene to see if we could pick up on where they were distributing the drugs in this area and peg some of the dealers._

 _I had just found out earlier that day that my brother and Alec had both been tied in to an account in Geneva, Switzerland. It was with the same bank that Bella saw the receipt for—Banque Privee. We couldn't track who the account belonged to because the Swiss were very good at keeping the strictest security. It was why they were the financial dominants of the world._

 _Eric owed over $200,000 to someone, as he had a credit line set up and it was gaining interest. Alec owed more. The only thing I could conclude was that whoever he owed the debt to was probably the link between the four key organizations, the four stock signs that Bella saw on the newspaper in Alec's apartment._

 _VRC: Van Rijn Corporation. RPI: Reycon Pharmaceuticals, Inc. MIH: Masen Industries Holdings Corporation. BBG: Buxton Group Incorporated._

 _I glanced over at Seth and noticed as he tensed in the booth and started to shrink down. I quickly looked around and tried to determine what he was doing._

 _"_ _Fuck, fuck, fuck." He muttered._

 _"_ _What?"_

 _"_ _Jake, 2:00."_

 _I glanced over and noticed Jacob talking to the three guys we were watching. I was still confused as to why they brought Seth on when Jake was involved. The only thing I could suspect was that he got involved after we started our mission or the FBI didn't know about him yet when we started._

 _Well, I had seen him at the club a few weeks ago as well so I knew he would probably recognize me. But at least seeing me could be pure coincidence. I knew I needed to provide Seth cover for a getaway. Jake knew Seth was on assignment and it would seem suspicious for him to be out with me._

 _I quickly got up from my spot in the booth and walked up to the bar to get a beer. I gave Seth a nod and he knew to leave as soon as I provided the cover._

 _"_ _Whatcha havin' mate?" The bartender had an Aussie accent and looked like he walked straight out of Crocodile Dundee. I gave him a smile and threw ten bucks on the bar._

 _"_ _I'll take a Guinness."_

 _"_ _Irishmen are ye? S'alright. Comin' right up."_

 _I smiled and nodded again and pretended to wait for my beer. Jake was standing to my left with his back to me so I figured I might as well take a moment to listen in on the conversation._

 _"_ _Man, that was such a bag. Il Leone ought to be happy about that." One of them said._

 _Il Leone?_

 _"_ _Fuck man, we got a long ways to go. Nobody even knows who it is. Not even Nelo." Another added._

 _"_ _I don't care as long as I keep getting paid." Jake said._

 _"_ _Here's yur beer mate." The bartender interrupted me and I nodded._

 _"_ _Keep the change."_

 _I knew I had to say something now and I turned to catch his eye._

 _"_ _Hey man. Weren't you at the club with Phil Dwyer last week?"_

 _He eyed me speculatively and so did the rest of his group._

 _"_ _Yeah why?"_

 _"_ _Ah no reason. Just thought I recognized you. So how do you know Dwyer? He was one of the best back in the day." I sipped my beer and lazily leaned against the bar._

 _"_ _Yeah he was." Jake smiled boastfully now. "He's an old family friend."_

 _"_ _Cool. So you from Jersey then…isn't that where he's from?"_

 _"_ _Nah. I'm from Brooklyn, he's my best friend's step-dad." Jake took a drink, but I saw a fleeting look of darkness flash through his eyes. He missed Brad. He_ was _his best friend._

 _"_ _Who's your friend? I didn't know Dwyer had any kids." I tried to push it. I didn't know what I was looking for but I thought maybe he would give me some info._

 _"_ _Oh uh…he's actually not…he's dead. But I've known Phil for a long time." He furrowed his brow at me then and swallowed._

 _"_ _I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to pry. Well I'll let you get back to your fun."_

 _I turned to leave when suddenly he said something to me._

 _"_ _Wait. What's your name man?"_

 _I was surprised he asked me, but I kept my composure._

 _"_ _Emil. Emil Mazzonn." I offered him my hand again and he shook it._

 _"_ _Really?" His eyes widened._

 _"_ _Uh. Yeah. Why?" That was a strange reaction._

 _He looked around quickly and lowered his voice as he stepped a bit closer._

 _"_ _I just never thought I would meet someone like you. They say you're the best. Never miss a step. Never get caught." He took a sip of his beer and stepped back._

 _Well, I wasn't expecting that. I had to keep it discreet. His buddies were starting to really eye us now and I knew I needed to leave. Seth had more than enough time to make his exit._

 _"_ _Well, that's not really public knowledge eh? But thanks. I am." I winked at him and spun on my heels to leave. As soon as I stepped out the back alley I could see Seth's form hidden in the shadows._

 _"_ _What took so long man?"_

 _"_ _Nothing." I sighed. I didn't want praise for being an assassin. I didn't care anymore about being the best. Being the best killer—what kind of a title is that? But I knew I had to act all cocky so that Black would keep that shit to himself. I was supposed to be somewhat disguised and only known in the upper echelon of the organization. Apparently, it was known throughout the ranks now. Fuck._

 _He eyed me quizzically and we began to walk back to my loft. Once we were inside I filled him in on the encounter. Seth just shook his head._

 _"_ _Jake just doesn't think sometimes."_

 _"_ _How do you think he got roped into this…I mean other than Phil?"_

 _"_ _I think he overextended himself financially and then either Phil or someone loaned him the money based on what you said. But as a return he had to give them cover at the port. I think he stayed involved because he found he could make some cash on the side and because he's naïve enough to think he wouldn't get caught, he kept at it."_

 _"_ _Hmmm." I pondered that for a moment when I suddenly heard a beep from the bedroom._

 _"_ _I need to go check something." I strode into the bedroom and pulled open the drawer to the night stand. I never took the phone for Bella when I had to go out on a stake or assignment. That was way too risky._

 _I flipped it open to see I had a voicemail. As soon as Seth left I was planning to go to her, but she must have called for some reason. I dialed up and listened to the message._

 _"_ _Um. Hey, it's me…I just wanted to let you know I'm staying at John's. Someone was uh… in my place when I got home." She paused. "I love you…I miss you." She sounded so frightened and alone._

 _The blood in my veins instantly stopped running for a moment and I felt as though a tight fist clenched around my throat._

 _Someone was in her place? Oh my God._

 _"_ _Fuck!" I shouted and hurried out to the living room._

 _"_ _What's going on E?" Seth looked startled as I was racing to throw on my dark jacket and find a hat and glasses._

 _"_ _Someone broke into Bella's place. She's at Emmett's. I have to get over there."_

 _Seth's eyes widened and I tossed him an extra jacket and hat and we took off into the night._

 _When we arrived at Emmett's an hour later I called up from the street. It was close to 1:00 A.M. and I looked around to make sure it didn't seem suspicious that we were there. I heard Em groggily buzz us up and I was practically running to the elevator._

 _The entire way over I had been thinking about the most horrible situations. Did she see the person? Or did someone ransack it? What happened?_

 _It scared the fuck out of me no matter what. When I arrived at his door he opened quickly and I noticed that even though he had been sleeping, he had on jeans, a dark shirt and his holster. He must have been on alert and this instantly made me more worried._

 _Just as I looked past him I saw Bella sitting on the couch, still in her clothes from work. She looked so tired and without saying a word to Emmett I was in front of her._

 _"_ _Oh Liefje." I pulled her tightly to my chest and I felt her sigh into me. I kissed her hair and squeezed her to me as I felt her body lightly rock with her sobs. She was terrified and I couldn't blame her._

 _Suddenly I looked up and noticed Rose in the doorway to the bedroom and the sad look on her face. I knew this was not good. He didn't do something to her did he?_

 _Shit. My mind immediately began racing with the most horrible thoughts. What if he touched her? Hurt her? I would never forgive myself for not being there._

 _I pulled back for a moment but she clutched me to her. I could see how physically and emotionally exhausted she was. Finally I lifted her head to mine and looked into her deep brown eyes, they didn't hold their usual glimmer._

 _"_ _Bella, he didn't…" I said thickly. My gut was turning with thoughts of what could have happened to her._

 _She furrowed her brow. "No." She shook her head and then said quickly. "I stepped inside and noticed something was off and saw movement, I turned and screamed and ran out the door. Emmett heard me right away and came rushing past. Then I came here."_

 _I exhaled in relief. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." I kissed her forehead and pulled her to me again. My body was tense and rigid. "Thank God Emmett was here."_

 _"_ _I'm okay. Just startled a bit." She tried to reassure me, but I couldn't get past the horrible thoughts that were racing through my brain at the moment. We just sat there as I held her to me. She was my lifeline, I couldn't imagine if anything had happened to her…_

 _"_ _Stop." She whispered._

 _"_ _What?"_

 _"_ _Stop berating yourself. I know you're doing it. You can't be here all the time. I'm okay." I finally breathed deeply. She knew exactly what I needed to hear, as usual. It wouldn't make me feel any less regretful, but at least I could think straight again._

 _I looked around and noticed Seth, Rosalie and Emmett speaking quietly in the kitchen. They had given us a few minutes and some space. I turned back to Bella and gave her a soft kiss on the lips._

 _"_ _You should go back to sleep Liefje. You look so tired." I rubbed my thumbs over the circles under her eyes and held her head in my hands._

 _"_ _I don't know if I can."_

 _"_ _Please. You look exhausted."_

 _"_ _Will you lay with me, until I fall asleep? I don't know if I can go back…tonight."_

 _"_ _Of course." I kissed her again and then stood up and grabbed her hand._

 _Emmett must have known what we were thinking because he immediately offered up his bed. He knew we would be up for most of the night trying to figure this out anyhow._

 _I lay down on top of the covers and wrapped the quilt that had been at the foot of the bed around Bella. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, just breathing her in. We didn't say a word, I just held her and in a matter of minutes she was breathing deeply._

 _I remained there for a bit longer, running through what this meant in my head. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach when I thought of how the intruder could have potentially gotten in._

 _The fire escape._

 _Had I left it open?_

 _But I always locked her fire escape when I left, and only I knew how to get in it._

 _Which meant whoever was in it was trained to do the same?_

 _Oh God._

 _Demitri?_

 _I sat up and made sure she was asleep before I stepped out to the kitchen._

 _The three of them looked at me and I just nodded. "She's asleep."_

 _"_ _I'm going to go try to get a few more hours too." Rosalie said. She turned to walk past me to the bedroom and stopped and put her hand on my arm. "It's not your fault Edward."_

 _She patted my arm and headed for the bedroom and closed the door behind her. I instantly turned to look at Emmett and he had a dark look in his eyes._

 _I scrubbed my hands down my face and took a deep breath. Then Emmett replayed to me what he found when he went into her place. Whoever it was must have just come in and didn't get very far. He locked up the fire escape but said we should put in more protection. He also said exactly what I was thinking: I needed to be more careful when coming and going from her place._

 _The three of us made our way over to her apartment and scoped it out. Nothing was out of place as Emmett said and then I thought of something else._

 _None of us had spoken since we walked in and I instantly turned and put my finger over my lips and motioned to go back to his place. As soon as we stepped inside I spoke._

 _"_ _We should re-sweep it for bugs. McCarty how far away is your kit?"_

 _"_ _Mine's probably closer than yours. I'll run and get my gear. You two sit tight."_

 _He left and I mulled over everything. We both thought it would be best if Bella didn't stay there for a while. We thought maybe she could stay with Rosalie, and then cab to work._

 _Once McCarty returned we quietly swept her place for bugs and any other sort of clues. Thankfully no bugs turned up, but there was also no evidence either. We reinforced the lock and put a sensor on it. That way if someone were to try to break in again we would know. By the time we were done it was almost 5:00 in the morning. I walked back into the bedroom and noticed her sleeping peacefully, Rosalie was on the other side of the bed and Bella was curled up in a ball clutching a pillow to her right where I usually laid. My heart ached to look at her, to hold her. I thought her place was secure now, especially as long as I was there with her. I hated the fact that she wouldn't even feel safe in her own home for a while. But at least for today she could go back and sleep, clean up and pack to go stay at Rose's for a few days._

 _I picked her up and carried her back across the hallway. She was still fast asleep as I laid her in her own bed. I pulled off her skirt and blouse knowing she couldn't be very comfortable still in her work clothes and she woke slightly as I slipped a t-shirt over her head. I stripped down and climbed under the covers with her. I knew she had to be up soon and wouldn't be able to sleep much longer, but I wanted to have just a few moments with her in the early hours of the morning…_

As I lay here now, in a not so different position only three days later, I thought about what it could all mean. Someone was definitely after her. I thought about my nightmare the night that I found out about Eric. It had repeated itself each night and I woke up in a cold sweat. I hadn't screamed and woken up again scaring her, thank God. But it terrified me nonetheless. It was always the same. I was running after her, chasing them as they took her. She was screaming my name but I could never get to her. And then I would stop and I could see various people, Demitri, Eric, Jacob, Laurent—all of the people connected to the situation. I would stop and they would laugh at me sinisterly, because I was helpless. I was a highly trained, lethal assassin, yet I couldn't get to her. And they knew it. They knew she was my weakness.

I wanted so much to protect her that now it fueled me. I was channeling it. I knew I wasn't dealing with it all yet again, but after the night someone was in her apartment I couldn't. I used it to move me forward. I let it push me, and I knew part of what was propelling me was that anger, that absolute seething rage I had boiling just under the surface.

 _"_ _Use it. Let it drive you." She said._

And so I did. And I was even more adamant about solving this puzzle and completing my mission. I had to figure out the connection to her. Even though I knew it wasn't my job, it had become my priority. I had long given up my job as my priority. I didn't know if it was for information, leverage, or what the exact reason was that she could be a target. I knew it had to somehow be tied to Masen, or potentially Phil.

After she told me about Leah's revelations I was positive Jacob's connection was to Phil and I thought Seth was probably right. I didn't know what the symbol was, but somehow I suspected that the entire thing was connected by one person, or group. Someone was behind the shadows running the show and we had to make sure that when we went to take it down, we had enough dirt on that someone or something to put them away for a very long time.

As I looked down at her once again, I knew one thing for certain. I would protect her with my life. I would do anything for her. I was nothing without her. And I had to do something soon. I had to make a break in this case before something happened to her.

A shiver ran down my spine at the thought and Bella stirred beside me. She looked up at me sleepily and blinked. But I must have worn my concerns on my face because she instantly furrowed her brow at me.

"What's wrong?"

I kissed her head and turned into her, not wanting to show her the worry I was feeling inside. She worried enough as it was, she had been sick for the past week with worry.

"It's nothing Liefje. Go back to sleep." I could tell she wanted to argue, but I silenced her with my lips and pulled her down onto my chest. Exhaustion won out and she fell back into a peaceful sleep.

Yet I continued to stare at the ceiling, trying to determine some way that I could make my life different.

*&^%$#

After I left Bella for the day, she decided to go to Jasper and Alice's for lunch. I didn't like her being at home alone a lot, even if we did check her condo and reinforce it. But after she stayed at Rosalie's on Friday and Saturday she insisted that she had to get used to feeling safe in her place again. I knew she was right. We really couldn't protect her much more at Rose's and it was probably actually better with Emmett across the hall.

I began to wonder if that wasn't also the reason for his placement there. Maybe he was put there not to watch her but to protect her?

Regardless, the whole mission felt _off_ to me. In Romania I knew exactly what I needed to do, my orders, my targets, my assets—everything. But since starting the New York mission I felt as though we were being left out of a big piece of the puzzle, and I didn't like it.

I had an assignment tonight and I needed to focus. I hoped I would be able to since tomorrow would be a trying day. I wished I could go with Bella, but of course I couldn't.

I quickly ran into my apartment and changed and headed down to the gym. Felix was there and I nodded to him as I started up the treadmill. I could see him working his way through a few sets on the weights and decided to cut my run short today. I needed to get back to talking with him.

"Felix, what's up man?"

"Emil. I haven't seen you as much lately. You been busy with work…or something else?" He eyed me.

 _Shit._

"I haven't felt very well. Kind of hard to work out when you're puking your guts out." I covered.

He scrunched up his nose and stepped back. "Stay the fuck away from me my friend." He covered his mouth and laughed.

I chuckled in response and he nodded to the ring.

"Want to spar?" He asked.

"Yeah." We quickly wrapped our hands and pulled on our covers. I pulled my shirt over my head, for some reason I liked to be shirtless when I sparred. I felt like it made me quicker, because it hurt a hell of a lot more if my opponent landed a punch on my bare skin.

Felix obviously wasn't as good as me, but I would let him land a few to keep his ego intact.

He jabbed at me and I ducked out. I spun and landed a kick to his side and jumped back. We continued as I landed punch after punch and kick after kick. I was focused and sweating profusely as the salt dripped into my eyes and down my back and chest. But it was relieving. So much of the last few weeks pent up anger and frustration was coming out in force.

"Ooomph." I let Felix land one on my side. I knew I would feel it later.

I instantly struck back and swept his legs from under him as he landed like fallen lumber on the mat.

"Fuck." He spat as he got back up. I stepped back and readied again as he came at me. This time I spun and caught up right under the rib cage and he groaned. I landed another punch to his side and finally one on the side of his head when he finally doubled over. I knew he was done.

"Emil. Jesus Christ my friend you killing me here."

"Sorry Felix. I've been pent up from being sick." I lied. _I really could just have killed you, in about ten different ways if I wanted to._

 _See the monster was back._

 _Fuck._

He spat into the bucket next to the old ring and grabbed for his water.

"We should send you out for a shipment. No one would fuck around then."

"What are you talking about?"

He shrugged. "One of the… _merchandise_ gave us some trouble last weekend. But Demitri took care of it. She fought hard, but of course she couldn't do much."

Vomit rose in the back of my throat as I was still breathing heavily from our sparring match.

"Who was it?"

"Does it matter?" He laughed. "She won't fight again…if she lives that is."

 _They killed her? Or at least beat her so badly she would want to die._

 _Those sick fucks._

Okay now I really wanted to just end him right here in the middle of the gym. I didn't care anymore. I could make something up, say he tripped on his own spit or something and broke his neck.

The anger was building inside me like a volcano and I clenched my fists at my side trying not to show it in front of him.

 _Some day._

 _Some day I'll take you out too._

If I was going to give in to the monster inside of me, I might as well channel that also. I would take them _all_ out before this mission was over. Screw prison.

I turned away from him, not wanting him to see the internal battle through my eyes and began to take off my tape and my gear. At last I calmed enough and spoke.

"Well. I don't think that's my role anyhow." I said. "I tend to work on more…discreet things no?"

He laughed then and nodded. "True. You are much too valuable for a little bitch anyhow Emil."

 _You disgusting pig._

I clenched my teeth and gave him my best grin and nod before I walked over to the bench.

As I pushed my way through a few sets on the bench, incline, squats and dead lifts, I tried to again let the anger fuel my actions. I knew it was only a matter of time before it came out. But for now this would have to work.

When I was finally done I left to get cleaned up at home. I spent the rest of the day researching and preparing for my assignment. There was nothing new on the shipment front. But to ready for tonight I had to scope out a map of the neighborhood in the Bronx where my subject would be. The problem was he tended to only run with a pack of friends and I had to figure out a way to separate him.

My assignments had become fewer, but more difficult in the U.S. In Romania there were so many more dark corners and the persons I was assigned to take out were often low level.

But here, they weren't. Instead they were opponents, or mid-levels that crossed the brothers. I suspected a few of them were even old Volturi who had come into the organization but then refused to work with the brothers' demands.

 _Or whoever's demands they really were._

As I analyzed the maps and formed a plan in my head I began to think about tonight. I was hoping to arrive in the Bronx right at night fall. The subject owned a seedy strip joint off of Boston Road. I was hoping in a dark establishment like that I could get him separated from his buddies, or maybe even figure out a way to spike his drink.

I wasn't as familiar with the Bronx as other parts of New York. And I needed to figure out a backup plan if I couldn't get to him in the club. So I had to scope out the route to and from the club to his home and different places I could catch him.

At 7:00 I pulled on my standard black pants, black shirt, boots and hat. I quickly made my way to my stash and loaded up with a variety of weaponry for the night. As always I had my knife banded to my leg, but tonight I also took my silencer, my lethal serum and a drug that would make him woozy. But since I was going to a club tonight I donned a black leather jacket, which would also protect me from knife wounds should I get in a fight.

I cabbed it to the North side and then hopped a train into the heart of the Bronx. After doubling back once, I found myself outside the dirty joint at a little past 9:00. It was officially fall and dark in the city and I was able to keep myself relatively disguised when slipping in. I walked through the crowd undetected and, even though it was a Sunday, the place was crawling with low-lifes ogling the dancers on stage.

I shuddered at the filth. It was a dirty place, the type one would instantly think of being associated with the underworld. I found a place at the back of the bar and ordered a bottle of beer. I needed to keep my mind clear so I wouldn't have more than a few sips but I stood there leaning casually against the bar checking out the scene. It only took me a few minutes to spot him. He and his buddies had a line of dancers around their table along with bottle after bottle of alcohol.

 _I watched and I waited._

And as the vile animal that he was groped and fondled the dancers and leered at them with his buddies, I wanted to cross the bar and just take him out point blank. All of the anger, all of the frustration and the unyielding rage channeled into my sole assignment before me. It became my personal mission to end him. For all the girls I had seen, for all the crap I had seen, he represented the evilness that was the Draconis even if he was bucking against them right now. And I wanted to kill him. I wanted to drain him of his blood as he screamed for mercy.

 _The monster had officially returned._

Just as I was considering the different ways I could take him out, I watched as he grabbed one of the girls by the throat angrily. She tried to back off but he slapped her and I felt my hand coil around my beer bottle and my other fish clench at my side.

He stood up abruptly and pulled her toward the back. Surely this was the type of place that had the proverbial back rooms. I carried my beer with me, following at a decent distance and then moved into the bathroom which was just down the hall. But I waited a moment to emerge. I tossed the beer, readied my provisions and snuck back out. I checked the hall for cameras and silently slinked along the stinking hallway as close to the wall as possible.

I came up on a black door and I could hear her screams on the other side. It took everything in me to not bust through the door at that moment. But even before I took another breath the door swung open and she ran out, tears streaming down her face with the blackness of her mascara and her already tiny costume in shreds.

The door swung shut behind her and I knew it was my turn. Before it clasped I stuck my hand in it and held it open. I ever so quietly stepped inside and locked it behind me.

The room was dank and reeked of alcohol and sex. The subject was apparently pleased with himself as he zipped up his pants and lit a cigarette.

 _Right, you lasted all of what, three minutes fuckwad._

The haze of red appeared before my eyes and I knew the girl wouldn't be going back out front for a while so I had some time.

"You enjoy raping women you sick fuck." I said menacingly.

I didn't usually speak to my assignments. In fact I spent as little time with them as possible. But for some reason I wanted this guy to know that I took his last breath.

"Who the fuck are you?" He spun around.

"Who do you think I am?" I said in a dark even voice as I stepped toward him, but still careful to stay between he and the door.

"I don't fucking care." He spat.

"You should." I answered darkly.

I opened my jacket and pulled out my gun. I made a production of turning the silencer as his eyes widened in horror.

 _Now I had his attention._

"You know…" I started. "There are so many ways I could kill you right now."

I heard him gasp and I looked up.

"You see, I could point this gun at you and fire, right between the eyes. No pain, no torture. But that almost doesn't seem fair."

"I don't know who you are, but please don't kill me." He trembled then, completely changed in his demeanor.

"Begging now are you?" I tsked. "You should have thought of that before you raped that woman. How many times have you done that? Ten? Fifty? A hundred?" I stepped closer to him now and I could see his hand gripping the chair beside him. His cigarette had burned all the way down in the ash tray and the spiral of smoke was now seeping up around us.

"Or I could shoot this off." I pointed the gun at his dick. "Since you seem to think you have such a big one. Let you bleed out after I've gagged you and die a slow and painful death."

"Please." He whimpered.

"Shut up." I snapped. Then I stepped back again.

"Or maybe a gun isn't messy enough. Maybe I should pull my knife out. Should I do that?" He shook his head no.

I knew I was almost out of time. I really wasn't going to do the things I said. I was just going to put one in his head, but it was worth it to see the sick bastard sweat a little. After what he did to the woman, after what I knew he had done to several others, including killing them, I didn't care about his whimpering or whining or suffering.

"No. I think I'll just do this the old fashioned way. Turn around."

He slowly turned shaking.

"Now get down on your knees and put your hands on your head." He did as I said, all the while once again begging to be spared.

But the red haze had taken over, and the monster was roaring to life.

I paused for another moment making him sweat a bit more when suddenly he said something that surprised me.

"I know what you want. I know about Il Leone. That's why they sent you, because I figured it out."

"What are you talking about?" I stood there with the gun over his head as he shook on his knees before me.

"Il Leone. The master, the one in charge, it's why they sent you—because I saw him."

"You're full of shit. You think I care about that?"

"I know you do. The brothers sent you didn't they?"

I didn't respond I just picked him up by his shoulders and slammed him into the wall across the room. I pressed the gun into his temple and smashed his face against the concrete.

"No one sent me. I work alone."

"You might but you're here because of him."

"Who him?"

"Il Leone."

"If you're so smart what does he look like?" I sneered. The monster was subsiding for the moment as the agent returned. Maybe he did know something. Even so, I would still have to kill him. I would still have to fulfill the assignment.

"He's American." He gasped.

I laughed dryly. "Oh that's fucking helpful in a country of 260 million people."

"No. I mean, he's not what you would expect."

"Whatever. You're just trying to buy time. And your time is up."

"No wait!" He stuttered. "He's blonde, very blonde. Like he's American but almost looks foreign."

"Great a blonde American. Do you think I'm stupid?" I knew he was spilling now, and if I continued he might give me more. "If you're so smart, then how come he wants you dead?"

"Cause no one can know what he looks like."

"And you knew it was him how? I don't believe you." I clicked my gun and began to pull the trigger back as he cringed.

"That's all I know I swear." He cried.

"Well it's not enough. Time's up." With that I pressed my gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

I didn't look to see the blood splatter across the wall or hear the sound of his body crumple to the floor. Instead I tore out of the room knowing that I already took way too long.

I raced out of the back of the club into the night and took off in a dead sprint toward Dyre where I could catch a train.

I was panting and gasping for breath. My lungs were screaming at me as I plunged my feet forward.

 _Did he really just tell me about Il Leone?_

 _The same one Jacob and his buddies were talking about?_

 _Was it really true? What did it mean?_

I was no longer in a haze and overcome as I was before. Now my mind was racing along with my heart as I tried to put the pieces together.

Suddenly I stopped a few blocks from the subway stop. I had sixth sense I was being followed. I jumped into the shadows of an alley and listened behind me.

Then I heard it. Two sets of footsteps following me.

 _Shit someone saw me leave._

I took off running down the other direction of the alley when the footsteps hit the opening.

"There he is!" I heard one of them yell. Now I wished I didn't have to wear the leather jacket as it was restricting me at the moment.

My eyes darted ahead to the other end of the alley when a car turned down it.

 _Fuck!_

 _This is what I got for not just doing my job and leaving._

 _This is what I got for letting the monster take over._

But part of my job was to be an agent, and even though I spent too long I somehow knew I got powerful information.

The car shined its lights on me and I jumped into a doorway of the alley and yanked at it but it was closed.

In a matter of seconds I pulled out my gun, and slipped the knife from my leg. The car came screeching to a stop and I waited in the doorway.

"I know he's here, he couldn't have gotten far." One yelled.

By the sounds of their steps I knew there had to be at least another two. But I was betting on five, total.

I heard him try a door a few yards down and I held my breath. I needed the element of surprise.

A moment later another one was in front of me.

"Well what do we have here?"

I didn't even respond, I just aimed and pulled the trigger. The silencer pinged and he dropped in front of me. One more was right behind him and met the same fate. Just as I was about to emerge from the doorway the first two came from the side.

I spun and kicked the first catching him in the rib cage as the other charged forward. I threw him over my shoulder and caught him in the throat. The first one began to try to come at me again, but this time I caught him with a left to the face.

In two more swift moods he was down with a broken neck and the second one was lying in a heap in the alley. I took off again when I heard a cold voice and the click of a trigger.

 _Fuck. The fifth one._

"Where do you think you're going?" I knew that voice. I was instantly trying to place it in my head and figure out who it was.

"Drop the gun."

I let my piece fall to the floor of the alley and put my hands up, but not behind my head. I could feel him moving in closer behind me and I knew if he came just a few steps closer I could sweep his legs.

"Who are you?" He said then.

"No one."

"Turn around."

I turned, not sure of what I would find when I was met with a ghost from my past.

My first kill.

 _Or so I thought._

 _How the hell was he alive?_

"It's you." He spat and I could see the anger boiling behind his eyes.

"You should have finished your job." He said then.

"I guess I'll have to do it now." I knew being cocky would make him mad and possibly make him lose focus. But I also knew a man scorned was much more dangerous. And this guy could fight, I'd give him that. But I was also much better since my first mission.

As any bruiser couldn't resist he dropped the gun pointed at me.

"You want a second chance. You better finish the job this time." He taunted.

He tucked his gun in his holster and began to circle me in the alley. I stood on the balls of my feet, awaiting the attack. But at the same time, I fingered the knife up my left sleeve and waited for the moment to use it.

Suddenly he lunged and I didn't even think I just reacted. We were a swarm of arms and legs, fierce punches and kicks. He caught me in the side as I landed one on his face. I spun and kicked him in the chest and he grunted. He came at me again and we fought, punch for punch, block for block, step for step.

He got me again in the mouth and I felt my lip bust open and blood trickled down my chin.

I stepped forward again, pursuing, eyeing my target. It was so natural now it was almost instinctual. And in one fatal flaw he lunged too far at me. He was good, but I was in much better shape and not nearly as tired. I caught him in the kidney and took his legs out. In a second, I had him pinned to the ground, knife in hand.

"Well just so you know. I don't give second chances, but I definitely take them." I slit his throat and this time I waited as his eyes rolled back in his head.

And with that, I was off once again.

*&^%$#

My mind was still spinning and the adrenaline was still coursing through my body as I raced to Bella's. I shouldn't have been high after a kill, but I was. I was on a high from finding out the information, from taking down not one, but six Dracs. It was like a euphoric feeling, coming full circle. I hated it and I loved it at the same time.

I had been doubly careful in making my way to her place and for that reason it was almost midnight. The whole interaction with my subject and his thugs only took an hour even though it seemed like a decade.

I rapped on her door lightly not wanting to scare her, but at least she knew I was coming. I had a key now, but on nights of my assignments I didn't want to take the chances of having it on me.

Just as I was about to knock again, the door swung open and what met me on the other side both surprised me and made my blood race even faster.

She had been waiting.

In lingerie.

Very naughty lingerie.

In that moment, the blood, the adrenaline the excitement from the night spilled over and I didn't even say a word as I stepped forward slamming the door behind me. My mouth caught hers and I threw her back against the wall.

It didn't matter that I could have died tonight, it didn't matter what I found out, everything was now channeling into the goddess before me. I had so much pent up energy, so many emotions coursing through my body that it was dying for a release—a release the right now only she could give me.

Her lips were blood red and tasted of chocolate and peppermint. She fisted her hands in my hair as I clutched her roughly to me. I plunged my tongue into her mouth tasting her divine flavor over and over as she fought me for dominance. We were a mess of lips and tongue and hands feverishly pressed against one another until I gasped for breath.

I stepped back and really took her in this time as I noticed the dark red, almost crimson lace covering her body. Her succulent long lean legs were adorned in garters and stockings and I let my eyes travel down to the five inch black heels she was wearing.

I licked my lips as I could feel my pulse racing.

"Jesus Liefje."

I bent before her skimming my hands down her sides, feeling the lace and the smooth porcelain skin underneath.

She moaned and pressed her head back against the wall as I roughly squeezed the back of her legs and her calves down to her ankles. I pressed my hands back up the front of her legs my thumbs grazed along the tendons right at the juncture of her thighs and she whimpered at my teasing.

I stood up, tracing my fingers up her stomach and over her breasts, not touching the sensitive pert nipples pressing against the lace. Her breath hitched and when my eyes met hers I saw an intense burning need matching only mine in that moment.

Then she furrowed her brow. Her hands had been pressed flat against the wall, but she raised one to touch my split lip.

"Don't." I shook my head.

She began to speak.

"No." I stopped her. I didn't want to think about that right now. I only wanted her. I grabbed her hands and lifted her arms above her head instantly attacking her neck with my lips. I was biting, licking, sucking on her tender skin as she gasped and writhed against me.

I didn't know what overcame me, the adrenaline, the built up tension or the fact that my goddess was standing before me in her naughty attire.

"Uh…Edward." She moaned again as my hand gripped her ass and pulled her into my painfully hard erection. I dropped her hands and pushed the short silk robe she was wearing off her shoulders, exposing her completely to me. My mouth went dry at the site of her and I was sure she could feel me throbbing against her. It was then I noticed she had something in her hand and grabbed it. It was a silk tie. From her robe?

"What's this Liefje?" I asked with a gravelly voice.

Her eyes were hooded and she took on a smoldering look. "I was going to use it…on you." She smirked at me.

I gave her a devilish grin in return. "Were you now? Well I think you missed your chance." I pressed harder against her into the wall and her eyes widened.

I bent to take her lip in my mouth roughly and she groaned. Every line of her body was against mine and I was on fire from the inside out. My pent up aggression and energy nearly at a boiling point and waiting to erupt from me as I kissed her passionately. I tore my lip from her mouth, my mind now racing with the possibilities. I couldn't keep up with my thinking, the adrenaline was still coursing through my veins so fast. The red haze that I slipped into earlier had now turned purple with lust.

"What were you planning to do to me Bella?" I whispered in her ear as I let my hot breath tickle her neck and she shivered.

"Blind fold you." She said huskily, pressing her lips to my pulse point.

"I think the tables have turned." I licked her ear and began to trail my tongue down her neck as I ripped the tie from her hand.

I stepped back as I looked at her before me. Her beautiful breasts, which were seemingly bigger now for some reason, were straining against the material. My eyes followed her luscious curves and once again down her long legs as I let myself drink her in. She looked like every guy's naughty fantasy, but she was mine— _Mijn Zon, Mijn Lief, Mijn Schoonheid_ —and I was impossibly hard with my need for her.

I saw the look of excitement and anticipation in her eyes as I brought the tie up and covered her blazing brown orbs with it and tied it in the back. I ran my hands lightly down her arms and she quivered again at my touch as I brushed my lips right to her ear.

"I want you so fucking much Bella. Is that why you wore this? To make me want you?" My voice was laced with need as her body shook from my words and my hands continued their trail down her arms.

She moaned and for some reason, the dark side of me came out and I decided to play with her.

"Answer me." I ordered.

"Yes." She breathed.

This time I let my thumbs graze up her rib cage and over her perfect mounds. She groaned and threw her head back against the wall as my lips locked on her pulse point.

"You look so naughty wearing this." I kissed her and ran my hands through her hair. "What do you want me to do to you?"

She turned to where my voice was even though she couldn't see me and licked her lips.

"Anything you want _Agent Cullen_?" She said with inflection.

 _Oh fucking hell._

"You really are a bad girl aren't you?" I smirked into her neck as my tongue traced circles across her collarbone and the tops of her breasts. She moaned again and squirmed against me as my hands worked their way lower and lower.

I squeezed her thighs roughly then and spread her against the wall and quickly ran my hands back up over her body, locking her arms with my left hand.

Painfully slow I ran my right hand once again down her perfect body, building the anticipation. When I reached the point at the apex of her thighs I found that her panties were crotchless and she was soaking wet.

"Yes, a bad girl indeed." I growled into her neck. "But I don't want you here. I want you where I can see you."

With that, I picked her up and she gasped as I carried her to the living room window. The moonlight was streaming through the curtains. I could see out but I knew no one could see in. We were too high for the alley and the window faced a brick wall.

The light now illuminated every line of her perfect body before me as I spun her around and pressed her against the glass.

"Oh." She squealed as her warm body met the cool glass and I roughly grabbed her hands once again and placed them above her head.

"Stay there." I commanded as I let my hands burn a trail of fire through her hair down her back and over her perfect ass. Then I turned her head and I kissed her, hard, driving my tongue into her mouth as she moaned in pleasure. I could tell by the way she was squirming that the coolness of the glass and inability to touch me was killing her, but it was making it all the more arousing.

I released her lips and slowly grazed her center once again from behind and she bucked back into me.

"What is it you want Bella?"

"You." She said quickly. I continued my slow ministrations and brought my other hand around to feel her nipples against the glass. I slowly tweaked one and then the other as I brought my lips to her shoulder gently sucking on the skin there. She was breathing heavily and her body was quaking in my hands.

"What part of me?" I pushed her as I let one finger dip inside of her.

"Ugh…you fingers. I want your fingers." She groaned.

"Is that all?" I said as I pressed in another and she mewled and tried to shove against me.

"No." She said and I removed them and she whimpered. But it wasn't for long as I reached around her drawing her to me and I pressed them into her from the front. She gasped again and I slammed my body against hers and roughly into the glass.

I began to work her over and over with my fingers inside of her and my thumb against her sensitive nub. She threw her head back so that it was on my shoulder and cried out. My other hand roughly massaged her breasts as I pressed my hardness into her back. I couldn't get enough of her. My mouth found her throat tasting, devouring her sweet flavor as I brought her to the brink.

"Tell me what you want Bella?" I slowed my hand and she cried out again, this time in frustration. I knew she was close, but I didn't want her to come yet.

"Oh God Edward. I want you…buried inside of me. From behind."

 _She gets right to the point doesn't she?_

"Do you now?" I kept my hand at her center lightly stroking her, making her buck and whimper in anticipation. I was entirely giving in to her yet.

I freed my left hand from her breasts and quickly undid my belt and my pants and pulled them down along with my underwear, freeing myself to take her. I removed my hand from her and brought it down to coat myself with her. This wasn't going to be gentle.

She stood, splayed against the window, not seeing me and squirming in expectation. I let her wait for just another second and I could see her chest heaving and hear her labored breaths.

Without another moment, I moved my knee between her legs and wrapped my arm around her waist as I whispered darkly in her ear.

"As you wish Liefje."

I drove into her.

"Ahhh!" She cried out.

I instantly felt like something burst inside of me and I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't feel enough of her even though she was wrapped around me completely.

All of the pent up anxiety, anger, anticipation and adrenaline came pouring out of me as I connected to her. I set a pounding rhythm and she pressed her hands against the glass trying to steady against me. But her hips met me thrust for thrust causing stars to dance behind my eyes.

I bent over to move her hair off her shoulder and bent her at her waist a bit. I rained hot wet kisses down her back and let my tongue dart out to taste her and she moaned. I gripped her hip more forcefully as I sped up my pace and I could feel her clenching around me, trying to hold out until I did.

"No Liefje, let go. I want to hear you…I want to hear you scream my name."

With that she shattered, crying out as I drove into her. "Edward!"

"Yes Mijn Zon. God you're fucking beautiful." I pressed her against the glass and brought my hand around to her center to try to get her there again as fast as possible.

"Oh God, oh God!"

I was gritting my teeth and my body was screaming for release but it just felt so good to be inside her, to consume her. I moved my fingers faster but slowed my pace just a bit. Her legs were shaking and her hands were sliding against the glass trying to find something to hold on to. I brought them back and wrapped them around my head exposing her long neck to my mouth.

I bit down on the juncture of her neck and shoulder and she growled at me.

"Ah. Oh fuck. Edward. I'm…Oh, I'm…" She couldn't even form a coherent sentence and I knew she was close once again. I picked my pace back up and pounded into her relentlessly, wanting her there again. I had to feel her again.

In a matter of seconds she screamed so loud I thought it could shatter the windows. But I was soon joining her over the edge.

"Oh fuck Bella!" Anger, rage, intense desire exploded out of me over and over. I felt like a tidal wave of emotion washed away from me and I crumpled to the floor with her in my arms.

I brought her face to mine and ripped off the blindfold and kissed her fiercely, the emotion and sensations spilling out of me still. Her tongue moved with mine and we were both panting and breathing heavily from our exertion but neither of us wanted to give our lips away to take a breath.

At last I pressed my lips to her soundly and brought my forehead to hers as I stroked her now damp hair away from her face. We were still taking labored breaths and I could feel myself slick with sweat and I hadn't even taken my shirt off.

At last, she sighed contentedly into me and then cringed as she moved her leg. I realized we were a tangled heap on the floor after I brutally took her against the window.

And in the aftermath of my desire I was intensely regretful that I harmed her. Reality came crashing into me and I moved her into my lap.

 _Oh no, what had I done?_

"Mijn Zon, are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" I pulled her close to me and kissed her hair as my sickening realization dawned on me.

I had let the monster consume me…when I was with _her_.

 _Oh God._

I felt like I wanted to vomit, the euphoric haze no longer here but a deep dark monster laughing at me wickedly through smoke. I was no better than the man I killed tonight.

I sat there reeling and trying not to run frantically away from her for what I had done.

Bella must have sensed my predicament as my eyes went wide scanning her face for fear.

Surely she had to be terrified of me after I did that. I had never been that rough with her.

"Baby what's wrong?" She whispered as she put her hand on my face. I gasped trying to get air in my lungs as the rock set in my stomach from my realization.

She pulled my face to her with both hands now and I felt like she was looking right through me.

"I'm so sorry." I sputtered.

"What are you sorry for? I don't understand." She shook her head at me and then a knowing look came over her beautiful face.

I tried to speak but she cut me off and crawled over me.

"Edward, no, no, no, don't do this." She shook her head and placed her hands on my face.

"I loved…that. I was incredibly turned on. I love it when you get all…commanding." She bit her lip shyly. "I thought you would have figured it out by now that I…I like it kind of rough. I love it when your sweet but lately you've been so…distant, I wanted to do something to bring back that spark…that fire I love so much about you." She kissed me gently and I pulled her to me tighter.

"Oh Liefje. I want you so much all the time. Don't ever think that's not the case." I hugged her to me realizing we were sitting on the cold floor of her condo and shifted to keep her in my lap.

"Then don't _you_ ever think you would hurt me. I know you never could." She kissed my neck as she held me just as tightly to her.

A moment of silence set in until I could feel myself breathing more evenly with her in my arms. I was finally coming down from the intense high I had been on the entire night.

"Please talk to me. What's going on? Did something happen tonight?" She finally murmured.

 _How did she always know?_

Yet, what could I say to her? I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to see how truly awful I could be, what was at the root of my taking her like that even if she did enjoy it, and I apparently enjoyed it immensely.

"Edward." She prodded.

No. I decided. I couldn't tell her that.

I couldn't tell her that I just killed six men and felt good about it. I couldn't tell her how angry I was at my subject and how it consumed me.

I couldn't let her see that.

"I had an assignment." I finally said, hoping she could leave it at that.

She pulled back and looked at me. "And?"

"And it got…dirty."

She frowned and I could almost see the wheels spinning in her head. Finally she looked at me square in the eyes.

"You don't want to tell me."

"No."

She nodded and sighed. "Why won't you just tell me?" She whispered. "Not about your mission, I know you can't tell me that…but about what you're feeling." Her eyes pleaded with me.

My throat ached as my voice caught in its box. I wanted to. I wanted to spill everything to her but I couldn't. The rage, the anger, the frustration, the fear, it was all so powerful that I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to see that.

"Because I…" I looked down and she brought my eyes back to hers with the tip of her finger.

"You what?"

"I don't deserve you Mijn Zon. I never have." I said quietly and her eyes danced across my face. She put her hands on both sides of my face again and rubbed her thumbs over my cheekbones. Then she looked me straight in the eye with the most piercing stare I had ever seen.

"Yes you do." She annunciated. "And even if you think that, well that's too bad because I'm not going anywhere." She was resolute. And even though she deserved so much more, she deserved my thoughts my worries, my dreams and I wasn't giving it to her, she was standing beside me nonetheless.

"Oh Liefje." My lips found hers in a reverent kiss. I needed her to know how much she meant to me. In the three short months I had known her, she was everything I had. She was the only thing that kept me going and the only thing that made my life worth living.

I pulled her into my arms once again and pressed my lips to her hair as she held me to her. Tonight was a roller coaster for me and tomorrow would be no better. But I knew, regardless of whether I deserved her or not and regardless of the rage that was still boiling inside of me, she would be here, always.

*&^%$#

 _I stepped out of my Contracts class and glanced at my watch. I was still fucking tired as it was only 9:30._

 _Damn 8:30 classes._

 _I looked down the street and began to walk home for my break between my Contracts and Civil Procedure classes. I hated Tuesdays, because to top it off I had my writing seminar in the afternoon._

 _I began to walk toward Claire and I's apartment when I suddenly heard a siren screaming past me._

 _Three fire trucks as well as an ambulance and two police cars were racing down the street. The cars were pulling over trying to let them through and my eyes followed them as they sped away. I looked to the south when I noticed a plume of smoke way off in the distance._

 _That must be one hell of a fire._

 _It was then that I looked around me and everyone seemed…off. Students weren't walking to class or talking on their cell phones, they were all huddled in little groups across the lawn and looked…frantic._

 _What the hell is going on?_

 _I continued to head toward home when I heard someone cry out._

 _"_ _Oh my God my brother works there!" A blonde girl to my right screeched and she instantly began crying. Her friends tried to soothe her and it was then that I noticed the absolute panic that seemed to take over everyone around me._

 _I grabbed one of the guys standing helplessly by her as her girlfriends tried to console her._

 _"_ _Hey buddy, what's going on? Why's everyone freaking out?"_

 _"_ _Haven't you heard? Two planes hit the Towers?"_

 _"_ _What Towers?"_

 _"_ _The World Trade Center Towers."_

 _My blood instantly ran cold and I think I lost all feeling or color in my face._

 _I stood there motionless as his words sunk in, but they never did._

 _My Dad._

 _My Brother._

 _What the hell is happening?_

 _"_ _Dude, are you okay? You look like you're going to be sick?" He stepped closer to me and my eyes went wild._

 _"_ _No. I'm sorry. I…" Before I could even finish I took off running. But I didn't want to go home, I needed to get to my parents, I needed to see my family and find out what was going on._

 _I raced down Broadway and noticed it was packed with cars. Nothing was moving. There were people standing outside of their vehicles and horns screeching wildly. It looked like a scene out of a movie, a horrible end-of-the-world kind of movie._

 _I was running in a dead sprint and turning toward the park. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch a cab. It was probably over three miles to home but I didn't care. I dropped my bag with my law books inside and pumped my arms faster._

 _My Birkenstocks were giving way to the ground beneath me, but I couldn't feel a thing. I could only think of getting to my parents place._

 _Maybe my father wasn't at work yet. Maybe Eric wasn't. Alice was at NYU. Hopefully my mother wasn't on an assignment._

 _I ran faster and faster not seeing the groups and throngs of terrified people as I sweat through my Polo shirt in the warm September sun._

 _At last I reached the townhouse and rushed through the front door._

 _"_ _Mom! Dad!" I called out and I heard sobbing from the kitchen._

 _"_ _Mom!" I raced into the kitchen to find my mother watching the small TV perched on the far counter, her cell phone trembling in her hand and tears streaming down her face._

 _"_ _Mom. Oh my God. What happened?" I ran over to her and bent before her._

 _She couldn't speak. She just looked at me with her startling green eyes. They were haunted and swimming with tears._

 _"_ _The Towers, they think…Oh God." She sobbed._

 _No, they couldn't be dead. They couldn't both be gone. This was a mistake. They were fine. They would get out, whatever happened._

 _"_ _Mom, was…is…have you heard from Dad or Eric?"_

 _She shook her head. "Your Dad's okay, he's in Philadelphia, but Eric…" Her shoulders were shaking now and the blood that had been pumping through my veins from running almost four miles at a dead sprint was now tearing through me and piercing me like icicles._

 _No. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't._

 _I shook my head as I hugged my Mom to me._

 _Eric's alive._

 _Mijn Broer is not dead._

 _He can't be dead._

 _It's not possible._

 _No._

 _No._

"No!"

"Edward?"

"No!"

Someone was shaking me.

 _Who was it? Was it my mother? Was it my father when he finally made it home from Philadelphia? Was it Alice with her vice-grip around my shoulders as she cried?_

"No!" I shook my head. "It's not possible."

"Edward." A calm, even voice woke me from my dream and I looked at the pair of deep espresso eyes that were behind it.

"Bella." I rasped.

"I'm here." She said quietly and placed a kiss on my temple.

I grabbed her hands and pulled her to me as I tried to steady my breathing.

The pain in my chest was as strong as thirteen years ago. Thirteen years ago today and it never subsided. Thirteen years and I still had the same dream. I pushed the memory out of my mind every other day of the year. But my subconscious trudged it up each time and it came rushing back like a waterfall.

Bella laid her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me. I knew this was no longer just about me. She knew how I felt. She knew how much it hurt as much as anyone did. Brad meant as much to her as Eric did to me.

I laid there in the morning light trying to calm my breathing and steady her against me as well. The mood was somber, as could be expected, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to relive my dream…because now it was such a distorted reality. The reality was my brother was nothing of who I thought.

And just like that the anger and the rage came back to me along with the crushing grief. But I pushed it down once again.

 _No._

Today I would be here for her.

So I held her tightly to me, hoping to at least ease some of her pain when she suddenly stiffened and jumped out of bed for the bathroom.

I was only steps behind her and I pulled back her hair as she wretched into the toilet.

"Liefje, are you okay?" I said and stroked her hair until she finished.

She gasped and closed her eyes as she laid her head back against my chest. She had been sick for over a week and I was starting to get concerned about her on top of everything else that was going on.

"Ugh." She finally said. "I hate being sick. Why can't I kick this?"

I ran my fingers through her hair and held her on the cold bathroom floor.

"Maybe it's stress." I offered as a tinge of pain shot through me.

 _Was I doing this to her?_

She shook her head. "I think I have a bug. I think I picked something up and I just can't get rid of it."

I nodded and held her until she determined she was okay to get up. She brushed her teeth and I went to the kitchen to make us some coffee. I didn't want to see the paper today and neither would she. I didn't turn on the TV or pull up the news on the internet because I knew what it would say.

I didn't need to see it.

At last she emerged from the bedroom in her robe. Her hair was brushed and cascaded in thick waves down her back and her face was still flush, but she looked every bit as beautiful as she always did.

"What are your plans for the day?" I asked as I poured her some coffee and made her some toast with butter.

"I took the day off so I'm going to Brooklyn and I have a volunteer thing with Alice at 3:00."

I nodded.

"You?" She asked as she sipped her coffee.

"I need to meet up with Seth and Emmett today. I need to go over a few things I learned…last night." I said vaguely.

She nodded as well and we ate in silence.

"Are you coming by tonight?" She finally asked.

"Yeah. What time will you be back?"

"I should be back by dinner. I can make something." She offered.

"Okay." I smiled, but I felt like things were tense this morning. I couldn't figure it out. Was it just the anniversary or was it something else?

"Are you okay?" She asked then and I took a deep breath. I walked around the breakfast bar and pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll be fine Liefje."

"Okay."

We stood there for a moment until she said she needed to get ready for the day. After I walked to the door and kissed her good-bye I felt a strange sense from her as if _she_ wasn't telling _me_ something this time. I didn't know if it was just the day bothering her or something else.

*&^%$#

"McCarty." I nodded as I took my chair at the conference room table.

"E. What's up man? How ya doin'?" He eyed me. I was a bit of a mess on Monday when we met and he knew it was a tough day for me, Seth too. We had ended up cutting our session short. I didn't drown in my sorrows as I had for the past thirteen years. Instead I beat the ever-loving shit out of a punching bag for a good two hours in the afternoon and then had a quiet dinner with Bella. I held her as she cried and I tried not to. I didn't want to shed any more tears for Eric—not now. I was done with that the night I found out about his betrayal.

But now that brought us back to why we met in the first place.

I had been pondering the new information I learned over the last few days—Il Leone, the involvement of my first kill with my subject and the connections to the investigation.

What concerned me more was the fact that the subject used my first kill as a crony. That made me think the link between the Volturis and the Draconis was stronger than I originally thought and that there was definitely someone behind the entire scheme. Someone who knew to use the same people once the smoke cleared after the fallout.

As we sat down for our briefing I relayed the events of the past two weeks to everyone. When Garrett mentioned something to Emmett about contact with his asset, my ears perked up. But he seemed to let it fly. Apparently he and Kate were out now anyway. Either he didn't know why Emmett was assigned to Bella either or it wasn't worth it to call him out in front of everyone.

Eventually, I told them about my assignment and the information I learned. When I said I took out six guys Ivanova, McCarty, Clearwater and Morgan's eyes all went wide.

I shrugged. I had fought off more before.

Then I told them about Il Leone. I knew Il Leone was "the lion" in Italian, but it could easily be applied to anyone. As far as I knew there wasn't anyone Italian high up in the organization and if this person had blonde hair, as the subject mentioned, then it was unlikely that he was Italian. But we would keep that possibility open.

"So if this Il Leone is the person behind it all, he still has to be tied to an organization right? He can't just be one man?" Garret posed.

"I agree. It's got to be more than that. What kind of organization could or would link the four majors that we know about?" I asked.

"I would say real estate, but Buxton kind of covers that…" Seth pondered. "What about finance? How closely have we looked at the finances of these organizations?"

"Closely. The analysts haven't turned up anything because everything here is on the up and up and everything else is abroad—locked up tight by the Swiss." Garrett piped in.

We all fell silent.

I was getting frustrated. Whoever Il Leone was knew what he was doing.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Maybe the key isn't to look at the now. Maybe we should look backward."

"Vat do you mean?" Tanya asked.

"I mean, he might be careful now because he's been doing this for a while. But he had to get into this somehow, and he couldn't have been this careful in the beginning right?"

They all nodded, but I didn't know if I was getting my point across.

"Look, we know whoever it is connects the four major companies. But we also know that this man, started at some point to get these groups together. When did Buxton come into existence?"

Emmett looked through one of the briefing books. "1991, so actually long before Dwyer or many of the heavy hitters who are involved now were in it."

"Who was the founder?"

"Jim Buxton, former Giants player."

"Then we start there. Who was Buxton friends with? Who did he run with? Let's find the connection, because we know Thomas Masen is the owner of Masen Industries. Van Rijn is a large Corporation, but Laurent hasn't been around long enough to be the tie there. We need to go back to that '91 time frame and see who could have been connected with Buxton from Van Rijn back then."

"What about Reycon?" Seth said.

"Same thing. I don't think Kebi's that old but…there has to be something there. And I also think we should cross check everything with Volturi."

"Well that's going to take some time but I'll give it to them. It can't hurt." Garrett stated.

I scowled. Where the fuck else were we with this? All of our other connections were coming up short. We had to try something didn't we?

We broke from the briefing and I was still agitated that the things I found out didn't really gain us much, at least not yet.

"Cullen!" I heard Ivanova call from behind me. I knew what she was doing. She always was able to call me out when I was upset.

"Vat's going on? You seem pissed." She crossed her arms and glared at me.

"Nothing."

"Yeah right. You might be able to pull zat shit vith your girl, but not vith me." She peered at me.

 _Yeah right. You obviously don't know my girl._

But I returned her stare and realized she wasn't backing down either.

"I see the same or vorse zan you everyday. I know it's tearing you up inside. So spill it." She motioned with her hand and gave me that steely look that she had perfected so well.

"Fine. I am pissed. I'm pissed about Eric, I'm pissed to be on this mission and I'm pissed we haven't found anything."

She eyed me carefully. "Zat's not all, but it vill do for now." Then she sighed.

"Look. It vill come. I have been under for five years. Five." She held up her hand. "I haven't seen my girl in four months. So I know. Don't sink I don't know how much it fucking sucks." She raised her eyebrows at me.

 _Girl?_

 _Wait is she?_

"Vat you didn't know?" She quirked again and laughed loudly. "Sometimes men are so blind…just because I don't have short hair and a low voice." She gave me shit.

I smiled and laughed along with her, glad for a relief in the tension.

"Guess that makes it easier to stay away from those pricks at the club then huh?"

She laughed dryly. "Yes, it does. Not zat I vould ever let any of zem touch me vith a ten foot pole." She punched me in the arm lightly.

She sighed again and then stepped closer. "But my point is, see it through. I am done for a vhile after zis too. But see it through." She patted my shoulder and turned to walk out.

I took a deep breath and got what she was saying. We were all burned out. We were all tired and frustrated. I wished I could just channel mine better along with the pent up fury I had from the fact that my own brother was involved.

But before she walked through the door to catch her ride, I thought of something else I wanted to ask her.

"Hey Tanya."

"Da."

"Felix told me that a girl caused some trouble…about a week ago. He said they…" I blew out a breath. "They hurt her. Do you know who that was?"

Her face darkened and she looked down.

"Da. I do." She whispered.

"What happened to her? Do _I_ know her?"

She let out a long breath and looked up at me then. Her blue-grey eyes were no longer fierce but now intensely sad.

"I sink you might. It vas Marie." She said quietly.

Marie.

Oh no.

My heart sunk to the floor.

"Is she…I mean…is she going to be okay."

Tanya shook her head sadly.

"No E. She's gone."

 **XXXX**


	22. Chapter 22: Everything

**Chapter 22: Everything**

 ** _Everything by Lifehouse_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

"Bella!" Alice waived to me from across the giant Macy's children's department. It was Friday afternoon and I told her I would do some shopping with her for the twins.

"Hey." I smiled and gave her a hug. "Wow, you're really blooming. You look great."

"Ugh. I'm huge!" She waved her hand. "My back hurts, my feet hurt, even my knees hurt. No one told me pregnancy was going to be this much work." She harrumphed.

"Well maybe you should cut out the heels for a while." I raised an eyebrow at her and gestured toward the pumps she had on.

"Pssh. Never." She smiled. "There's Rose!" She exclaimed and before I knew it she was waddling off to give Rose a hug as well. Alice would never change.

Emmett, Edward and Seth had to go to the club tonight, so I had decided to spend a girl's night with Alice, Rose and Kate. Kate wasn't joining us until later for dinner, but we planned to shop for the twins' nursery and other items. Since I still wasn't feeling well and Alice was pregnant we decided to make it a non-alcoholic event.

Rose meandered over and Alice was an instant blur. She was tossing stuff to us left and right. I kept glancing at Rose who would just roll her eyes. I had to admit it was a nice distraction from the last few weeks.

I laughed and smiled at the cute clothes Alice would pull up. I looked at the adorable skirts and dresses for little girls, the cute sweaters for little boys and the little shoes. I let my mind wander to what it would be like if I was shopping like this. But I knew that was a long ways off. I knew I wanted Edward forever and I wanted everything with him, but…with everything going on, I knew it would be a long time before it could happen.

I sighed and frowned internally as I looked a little onesy that Alice tossed my way.

 _Daddy's Little Helper._

I imagined a little boy toddling around trying to follow his father's every move, or a little girl mimicking mine. And a pain ran through my chest at the thought, because I pictured that little boy and girl to have bronze hair and green eyes.

Things had been very…tense with Edward. It wasn't tension between us or about us, but tension that he was exuding from the situation with Eric and from his case. I could tell it was wearing on him and I simply tried to listen and help him in any way I could. Unfortunately he was bottling it all up inside. I was just afraid he was going to keep doing it and I was going to lose him because of it.

I could tell he was hiding something. He had done rather well considering what he found out in the last few weeks. But I could see it. I could see in his eyes that he was pushing it all down. Ever since Sunday, but really ever since he came home from his briefing on Wednesday. Of course he hid it from me since it had been my birthday. He said he wanted to spend the night with me celebrating. Even though he bought me a spa day and gave me my own personal massage the night of my birthday, he was still off the entire night. I didn't mind much because I was never one to celebrate, but I was more worried about him.

He had moved to that point where he was intensely angry, and I knew he wasn't sharing it with me. Something was really bothering him.

Sunday night had been evidence enough. It was so hot the way he took me against the window. It was exactly the kind of reaction I had been hoping to draw from him, to pull him back from wherever he had retreated to.

But then he was so…worried afterward that he hurt me and that he had somehow stepped out of line. I knew he was brooding over the issue with the way he was so careful with me later.

 _If he only knew how much I liked it. Craved it._

I needed that passion and desire from him. That was my Apollo, that was my Edward. I needed him to forget…for just a little while.

We walked downstairs past the perfume counter and my stomach rolled.

I coughed and quickly covered my nose, fighting off the urge to run to the nearest toilet.

 _Ugh what is that?_

"Bella are you okay?" Rose eyed me and I waved my hand dismissively.

"I just need to get away from the perfume. "

She furrowed her brow and glanced to Alice who was now eyeing some lotions which apparently helped with stretch marks. She was engrossed in conversation with the clerk and I tried to step back as far as possible without seeming rude.

Suddenly Rose looked back and said something to Alice who just nodded.

"Why don't you come with me to get a coffee?" She said as she grabbed my elbow.

"But Alice…"

"Alice will be fine. She's asking a hundred questions to the woman right now, it will be at least twenty minutes. C'mon let's go get some fresh air." She nodded.

"Okay." I had to admit, getting out of the perfume area sounded like a good idea.

We stepped outside and I instantly felt relief as we slipped into a little coffee shop not far from Macy's.

I ordered a decaf latte since it was evening and Rose again looked at me strangely. We pulled up a little table in the corner and I sipped at my latte while Rose looked me up and down. She was making me nervous.

"Okay, what the hell? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I finally asked.

"Bella, how long have you been… _sick_." She said with a peculiar inflection.

"Um…a couple weeks I guess. I just can't seem to kick it. It must be the stress…" I shrugged.

"I don't think it's stress."

"What? What do you mean?" I furrowed my brow at her.

She glanced around and then leaned in and lowered her voice. "Bella, I saw the way you reacted to the perfume, how exhausted you were last weekend, and they way you have scrunched your nose up to lots of different things…do you think it could maybe be…" She trailed off.

"Be what Rose?"

She sighed. "Christ are you dense? Do you think you're pregnant?"

 _Pregnant?_

 _What?_

 _No, that's not possible._

"No. I'm on the pill."

"It's not 100% effective you know." Rose raised her eyebrows at me.

I couldn't possibly be pregnant besides I just had…

I had to think for a moment.

Nah.

"Rose, I'm not pregnant, I'm just sick."

"Whatever you say…all I am saying is I know the signs."

"How would you know the signs?" I laughed at her but then her expression became dark and I instantly stopped.

"Rose."

She pursed her lips and looked around again to see if anyone was close to us as she lowered her head.

"When I was in college, I went out on a date with this guy who was a big man on campus. I was nineteen, you know, young naïve, the whole ball of wax. Anyhow, he was a little…forceful with me. But I kinda gave in because I wanted the whole college experience and everything." She blew out a breath and my eyes widened at her.

 _Was she date-raped?_

"Rose?" I pleaded with my eyes.

"I thought I could just forget it and move on. I got it over with…it was my first time. But I felt so dirty afterward." She shook her head. "And then I started feeling strange, and I just dismissed it because, I was on the pill. My Mom made sure of it before I went to college. But…" She stopped and I knew what she was going to say.

"But you got pregnant."

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"But you…what happened?" She obviously didn't keep it.

Her eyes got a bit glassy. "I miscarried. It took me six weeks to figure it out, and then once I did…I was terrified. But just as I was coming to accept it and trying to figure out what I was going to do…I lost it."

"I'm so sorry Rose." I put my hand over hers. I never knew. All this time I knew her and I never knew.

"It was a long time ago. Not many people know about it. And even though I would have probably given the baby up for adoption I was still sad." She frowned but then she composed herself. "But my point is, sometimes, you don't think it could be that because either you don't consider it, or you don't want t. I know with everything going on with…they guys" She glanced around again. "It wouldn't be the most opportune time. I'm just saying…it doesn't always work…maybe you should go see someone."

 _Shit._

 _She couldn't be right could she?_

 _I couldn't be pregnant?_

My heart instantly began beating faster and I could feel my face flush with heat. Holy shit, I was just thinking about all of that earlier in the children's department. It couldn't be true? God, how would we even handle that right now?

"Bella. It might not be too." Rose sensed my racing mind and cut in. "You could be right. It might just be stress. But I just thought…you know…"

I took a deep breath trying to get a handle on my emotions. I was always so careful. I couldn't believe that now, when I was in this unseemly situation that this could happen.

"We better get back otherwise Alice will send an army after us." Rose joked.

I stepped up from my chair and took another deep breath before we headed out.

Just as we rounded the corner to head back to Macy's Rose turned to say something to me.

"You know, if you want me to be there with you…just let me know." She offered.

I nodded and as we turned I ran smack into something hard. I steadied myself as I felt large hands on my shoulders and I looked up.

"Bella!"

 _Oh crap, not now. And what is he doing in Manhattan?_

"Hi Jake." I gave him an impish smile and Rose eyed him suspiciously.

"It's good to see you." He hugged me and I stiffened. Rosalie quirked her brow as I backed away.

"Rosalie Whitlock." She offered her hand and shook his forcefully. He gave her a sideways glance and I nervously fingered the necklace around my neck. It was a little habit I picked up since I started wearing it every day.

"Nice to meet you." He turned back to me. "I forgot, your birthday was Wednesday. Happy Birthday Bells." He tried to hug me again and I stepped away.

"Thanks." I mumbled and he furrowed his brow.

"I'm just going to make a call." Rose said. I nodded and looked back at Jake.

"So. What are you doing in Manhattan?" I asked quickly.

"Oh. Nothing, just here to pick up a few things." He shrugged, but I could tell he was lying. Jake had no poker face.

"How about you? Out on the town or what?"

"Uh yeah. Something like that."

He eyed me speculatively then and I could see Rose watching us as she talked on her phone.

"Well, I better get back. I'm out with some friends." I responded.

"Yeah of course. It was good to see you Bells." He patted my shoulder and swallowed. I could tell that he was hurt that I didn't give him a hug. But then his eyes narrowed on my neck.

"Bella where did you get that?"

"Get what?"

"That…emblem? Where did you get it?" He asked darkly.

 _Oh fuck!_

"Um…I got it at this…um…antique jewelry store…down in Greenwich." I stuttered.

 _Shit. I'm a worse liar than Jake._

"Oh." His eyes stayed trained on it for a moment before he looked back up. "Do you know what it means?"

I quickly shook my head "no" not wanting to give anything away and he blew out a breath.

"Well it's…cool."

"Thanks."

"I guess I'll see you around." He eyed me then and I just nodded.

"You ready Bella, we should really get going." Rose shot Jake a look because of his close proximity to me and I just nodded.

But as we walked away I couldn't help but finger the pendant around my neck and ponder his reaction.

Not to mention Rose's other revelation to me.

 _Could it be?_

 _Could I really be?_

I knew one thing for sure. I needed to check for myself before I jumped to any conclusions. And I definitely needed some answers before I laid _that_ one on Edward. I had no idea how he would take it…

*&^%$#

 _I stepped into my apartment pissed and confused as hell. Why would Alec ditch me on my birthday? Why would he do that? He never blew me off in favor of his father. It was_ always _the other way around._

 _After Alec dropped me off at home I quickly changed into some sweats and a t-shirt. I had to admit I was pissed and hurt. It was my birthday, but I guess this was why I didn't celebrate it. My birthday had been shitty since I was a child._

 _On my sixth birthday I broke my arm._

 _On my eighth I cut my head open at the playground._

 _On my eleventh I got food poisoning._

 _And on my thirteenth, my golden birthday, my Grandma Lucy passed away._

 _Needless to say I wasn't a fan of birthdays. But that was all the more reason I wanted to spend it with him. Yet he was acting so strange lately. I kept thinking about the receipt and the stock symbols I saw tonight and I became suspicious._

 _Maybe he's into something bad?_

 _No. Alec would never do something like that._

 _I decided to pour myself a glass of wine as I sat and mulled over everything. The buzz in my brain and the warmth in my body helped to put me at ease. So I had another._

 _And then another._

 _And after two hours of stewing and way too much wine, I decided I was fed up. I was fed up with his attitude lately and it was my birthday and I wanted some answers. I was going to confront him._

 _I tossed on a pair of jeans, my jacket and some tennis shoes and hopped in a cab for his apartment._

 _As I jumped out of the cab a light rain began and I hurried into the doorway of his building. I had a key for both doors and quickly made my way up to his floor._

 _I strode toward his door, steeling my resolve to confront him. But before I knocked I could hear loud voices on the other side._

 _"_ _I told you I am not selling." I heard Alec say._

 _What the hell? Did I hear that right? Is someone in there with him?_

 _Hell maybe it's just my drunken haze._

 _Just as I was about to knock again I heard a low, dark voice from the other side and I stopped._

 _"_ _Listen. I know how to get to you. Don't think I don't. And you know my associate has a special place for her should anything happen. Don't think_ he _won't take advantage of it."_

 _"_ _You wouldn't dare." I heard Alec hiss._

 _What were they talking about?_

 _"_ _Try me."_

 _"_ _I'm not giving in to you…not like everyone else, not like…"_

 _"_ _Don't you dare say his name!" The other man exclaimed and I bristled._

 _"_ _Why? Because he didn't do everything you wanted him to. You and my father and your friends disgust me."_

 _"_ _That's because you'll never learn. One day you'll understand that only one thing makes this world go round…"_

 _"_ _Whatever. I wouldn't sell you a thing." Alec cut him off._

 _"_ _We'll see about that." The other man snarled._

 _I heard footsteps coming toward the door and I sprinted down the hall. I didn't know who it was, but I didn't want him to find me outside Alec's door._

 _I ducked into the stairwell, not wanting him to see me and held my breath. He had a black trench coat with the collar pulled up. His face was hidden but I could see his white blonde hair peeking out from under his hat. He turned to look both ways down the hallway before making his way to the elevator and stepping inside._

 _It wasn't until minutes later that I finally got up the nerve to walk back to Alec's door._

 _I knocked tentatively and Alec flung the door open._

 _"_ _Look, I told you I don't want…" He stopped abruptly and his eyes widened in a look of horror._

 _"_ _Isabella, what the fuck are you doing here?"_

 _"_ _I want some answers." I slurred._

 _He quickly looked behind me, up and down the hall before he pulled me inside._

 _"_ _Isabella, how long were you out there?" He asked nervously._

 _"_ _Not long." I responded._

 _"_ _What…did you…hear anything?"_

 _I shook my head "no." I didn't know what it was about but I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear it._

 _He breathed a sigh of relief and pulled me into a tight hug. It felt so good I almost forgot I was pissed at him._

 _But then I pressed my hands to his chest and pushed back quickly._

 _"_ _Wait." I said, starting to sober up. "Why did you ditch me? You never ditch me over your father?" I said affirmatively._

 _"_ _Isabella, I really can't….it was business." He said. But he wouldn't look at me._

 _"_ _Right."_

 _"_ _Isabella, trust me…it's not you. I'm just stressed about work. I'm sorry about ruining your birthday." He offered as he put his hands on my arms, warming me as he always did._

 _I took a deep breath and looked in his eyes. He really did look tired and stressed and…_ worried _._

 _"_ _I know. Can we just go to bed now and start over?" I offered._

 _He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes. "Of course."_

 _I grabbed his hand as I began to walk toward his bedroom._

 _"_ _One sec, I just need to do something." I nodded and walked to his bedroom and stripped down to my underwear. Maybe tonight would end better than I thought._

 _I took off my jewelry and the hair tie that was in my hair and let it fall loose around my shoulders. I climbed in bed and waited for him to join me. But he seemed to be taking his time. I huffed in annoyance and coming off of my wine buzz and decided to grab the remote while I waited._

 _I jumped across the bed to his nightstand and as I grabbed the remote out of the drawer._

 _But just as I was about to close the drawer I spotted something in the very back. It was round and silver and glistening as the light shined on it. Just as I was about to grab it I heard Alec coming down the hall._

I shot up from bed and my heart felt like it was in my throat.

Oh my God!

Was that it?

Was that what I had been waiting for? Was that why the dream kept repeating itself? It was the rest of the dream from my 22nd birthday, the one that looped through my nights over and over.

I didn't know why I couldn't remember it before now. Maybe it was because I had been drinking that night, or because I didn't deem it important?

 _But how could I not, now that I remembered it?_

 _No, something from today, something from recently had to have triggered it._

 _And what did it all mean?_

I looked over at Edward who was sleeping like a rock beside me. He had come in late last night after going to the club so I didn't want to wake him. But my mind was swimming with my revelations.

 _And who were they talking about in the dream?_

I laid back down and threw my hands over my head trying to make sense of it. I knew I had to talk to him right away when he woke up, but for now, I needed to make some sense of it.

It and the other wallop of a thing that I had on my mind.

The potential that I was…pregnant.

 _Shit._

I quietly stepped out of bed and into the bathroom. It was early but I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

I opened my medicine cabinet and reached in for the one thing I wanted to check. I stared down at the pouch in my hand and looked at the almost empty circular wheel of birth control pills.

I knew I was almost done with the pack. I had taken one every day since I was seventeen. At that time, I went to the free clinic in Brooklyn because my high school boyfriend and I got a little too close for comfort the night before.

But for the life of me I couldn't remember having my monthly in August. My mind thought back to the end of August, to what happened. It should have been right around the time Edward found out about Eric.

I had been late before due to stress, but I had never outright missed one.

I scrunched my nose in thought and stared at the pack again as I brushed my teeth.

 _What the hell?_

I take it every day, like clockwork. I was diligent about it, especially since Edward and I didn't use any other form of protection.

I let the toothbrush roam across my teeth halfheartedly as I thought back on the last few weeks. Maybe Rose was right?

 _Oh God._

I had been sick…almost every morning for two weeks. And tired, and more… _needy_ than usual.

Crap. _Aren't_ those early signs?

I looked down at my breasts peeking out of my tank top.

Huh.

 _Are those bigger?_

No. This really can't be the case. Right?

It wouldn't set in this early would it?

But if I was supposed to get it around the 22nd that would make me…

 _Oh shit!_

My eyes widened in the mirror and I could feel my face drain of blood.

I instantly stopped brushing my teeth and heaved into the toilet for the first time this morning.

 _Oh God._

 _No. I can't be._

 _This is not good. This is really not good._

He's undercover! All these people are after me! Oh my God!

I slouched against the tub and put my shaking hand over my forehead.

My mind was spinning and before I heaved again I pulled myself up to the sink.

No. It's not possible. I can't be…

 _Pregnant._

I shook my head as I looked in the mirror and quickly brushed my hair.

 _Fuck._

 _What if I am?_

I was suddenly very nervous.

How would I tell him?

What would I say?

What would _he_ say?

Would he be pissed? Sad? Happy?

Oh, this is so not good. There couldn't be a much more complicated situation. We're not even out! People don't even know I'm dating anyone.

 _Oh God._

I walked out of the bathroom in a daze. I knew he would come looking for me if I took much longer.

I had never been in this position before.

And at the same time I couldn't help but feel a tinge of excitement and that scared the shit out of me as well. I had never been one of those women who loved spending time with children or longed to have them. I loved my friends' children, the ones that had them. But I had just never been… _ready_ yet.

I climbed back into bed and rolled over to him. The events of the last day and the morning were spinning through my mind: the dream, the run-in with Jacob, the potential that I was… _pregnant_.

I gulped as I thought about everything when I felt him roll over.

"Mijn Zon, why are you awake?" He asked tiredly.

"Um…no reason." I sputtered and buried my head in his chest. But he grabbed my chin and brought my eyes to his.

"What's going on?"

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to tell him about the possibility of being pregnant until I took a test. But I needed to tell him about my dream and Jacob's reaction.

"Um. I ran into Jacob yesterday."

"Really." I nodded. I proceeded to explain everything to him and told him about his reaction to the charm. Edward's eyes widened and he gritted his teeth.

"There's more." He blew out a breath and I could feel him seething with anger. I pressed my hand to his chest trying to calm him but it was no use.

 _Why couldn't he just talk to me and let it out?_

"Edward."

"Yes." He snapped.

I recoiled and he looked at me apologetically as he sighed. "What else is there?"

"Edward what aren't you telling me? Why does that bother you so much?"

"I don't even want to think about the possibility that…let alone talk about it?" He shook his head.

 _I didn't understand. What was he putting together that I wasn't?_

"Remember when you said Leah saw a symbol of a cat or something?" He finally said.

"Yeah." Suddenly it hit me. "You think it has something to do with Eric?"

He closed his eyes and I could see his jaw clench. "Yes." He said tightly.

"Well then you need to know about my dream. Remember how I kept having that one about my 22nd birthday…involving Alec." He stiffened again and nodded as he looked at me.

I quickly relayed my dream to him and this time his eyes didn't only widen but he jumped out of bed abruptly and began pacing.

"Oh Fuck!" He slammed his hand into the wall and I winced.

"Edward. Tell me please. What is it?"

"This can't be possible. Oh God no, this can't be possible." He kept muttering under his breath and then he hurriedly put on his jeans and his shirt and ran out of the apartment.

I just sat on the bed, stunned by his reaction.

Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. I hadn't seen him like this since the night that someone was in my apartment. We were both terrified of what it meant, and since then he had been even more protective of me. I couldn't blame him. I was scared to death myself.

Plus I was still getting the flowers at work. Last week's had been Tuberose.

 _Tuberose- Dangerous Pleasures_

And this week's wasn't much better.

 _Canterbury Bell- Constancy and Warning._

Warning? But of what?

I was getting more and more worried about it and Edward nearly freaked on Tuesday when I told him about that one. After someone broke into my place he was more nervous. I just didn't know what to make of it.

I quickly drew on a pair of shorts and a long sleeve shirt.

I walked out to the kitchen and waited. I assumed he went to Emmett's but I didn't know what this meant. He was so angry and so on edge I didn't know what to say to him. I felt like he was slowly slipping away from me and it unnerved me. I loved him so much. I couldn't let that happen to him…to me…to us.

Especially not… _now_.

I swallowed thickly at the thought.

I stood in the kitchen wringing out my hands when he burst back through the door.

"I have to go somewhere. I need you to stay here. Emmett's going to be across the hall, but please don't leave."

"Edward what is going on?"

He frantically grabbed his things and his eyes were dancing around the condo. "I can't tell you."

"Edward please, you're scaring me." My lip trembled and I stood there watching his frenzied reaction.

"Bella, I just, I can't." His voice caught as he looked at me and I could see a deep-seeded terror in his eyes. It was the way he looked after he found out about Eric, the way he looked when he found out someone was in my place…but even darker.

He looked at me then and finally he scrubbed his hands down his face and stepped over and pulled me to him. He crushed me against his chest with such force that I felt like my ribs could crack under the pressure.

"Please just do what I say Liefje. Please." He was shaking and I couldn't tell if it was from fear or anger or something else.

"I will. Maybe I'll call Rose or something."

He stepped back and kissed me with such force that my heart instantly started battering against the wall of my chest.

"Okay. I'll be back. I promise." He gave me one more kiss and with that he stormed out of the condo.

I stood there, spinning, my heart was beating a thousand pulses and my breathing was irregular. I didn't know what it meant but I knew it wasn't good. My hands were shaking and I could feel the nausea boiling up under the surface. I quickly took a seat on the couch and put my head between my knees trying to settle the rush of emotions and feelings coursing through my body.

Finally I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse on the coffee table and dialed up Rose. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to figure out what the hell was going on. I had so many questions, and I needed someone to be with me when I finally took a test.

"This is Rose." She said groggily into the phone since it was very early morning.

"Rose. Um…it's Bella. Do you think you can come over?"

"Bella what's wrong? Did something happen?" I could hear shuffling on the other end.

"Um…I'm not sure. But…Edward doesn't want me to go anywhere and I need to see if…you know…" I blew out a breath. "I need to take a test. I need to find out what's going on because I think some serious shit just hit the fan."

"I'll be right over. Do you need me to pick it up?"

"You're not at…um John's?"

"No, I stayed at home last night since we both went out on our own."

"If you can, if it's not too much trouble?" My voice quivered into the phone and I tried to settle myself.

"I'll be right there."

"Thanks Rose."

I clicked off the line knowing that this was a day that was going to change my life…and in many more ways than one.

*&^%$#

"Oh my God Rose." Tears started streaming down my face.

"It's going to be okay Bella."

"But how is he going to react? What is he going to say? I don't even know if he can handle this right now!" I began rambling as my shaking hand held the little white stick.

Two pink lines.

 _Pregnant._

 _Oh God._

I wanted to cry, to laugh hysterically, to scream—all at the same time. I didn't know how to react to this.

Rose just hugged my shoulders as I sat on the edge of the tub.

"Bella, I can guarantee he's not going to be angry. I know how he looks at you. You're everything to him."

I sniffled as I realized what she was saying. "I'm not worried about that. I'm more worried about him being even more freaked than he already is. He's already like a wire stretched to its tightest point and just waiting to snap. I don't want to be the thing to break him."

"You won't."

I sat there softly crying. Was it just yesterday I was thinking about how great it would be to have a little boy or girl that looked just like him? Now I was terrified of the situation. I was in danger, he was undercover, he was intensely angry about his brother and this couldn't be a worse time to have it happen.

Suddenly I was exhausted. I was so spent from thinking about this all day and trying to decipher his reactions to everything.

Rose discerned my panic and squeezed me tighter.

"Why don't you go lay down for a while? You've been up for a long time and it can't be good for you and the…" She trailed off.

Me and the baby. That's what she was going to say.

 _Oh my God, I'm pregnant and I'm having a baby._

I jumped from the tub and instantly hurled into the toilet. I couldn't get a handle on the racing emotions in my body. I was fearful…not only for myself, but for the...baby. I was tired, stressed, and yet a tinge of me was excited. Yet I couldn't let myself feel excited when I didn't know how Edward was going to react.

"Here." Rose handed me my toothbrush with toothpaste and brushed my hair back from my face. She had really become an even closer friend during all of this. She was the only person I could confide in, the only one who knew about Edward.

I stood up and rinsed my mouth and shuffled for the bedroom.

Rose pulled back the covers for me and I smiled lightly at her. I climbed in and immediately rolled to my side. I clutched Edward's pillow to me, breathing in his scent as Rose covered me.

"I'm just going to go watch some TV. You rest for a while okay?"

I nodded as my eyes once again filled with tears. I reached over to turn on my iPod station on a low tune. I couldn't deal with the quiet right now. I needed something to fill the hollow space around me.

As I gripped the pillow to me, I let it all settle in finally. This was all so unexpected and mind-boggling. I didn't know what to think. My hand wandered down to my lower stomach of its own accord. I knew I still needed to go to the doctor and have it confirmed. I felt like this was my fault somehow. That I should have insisted on using another form of protection, that I did something wrong. I knew this was hardly the most opportune time for this to happen.

How was I going to tell him about this? He was so forlorn and withdrawn. I had been able to get him to open up a few weeks ago, but recently, I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall. I knew he needed to let it out. He needed to scream and yell and carry-on until he couldn't anymore.

I _needed_ him to do that. Especially now.

At last exhaustion took over and I slipped into a fitful sleep, pondering Edward's return.

 *** &^%$#**

 **EPOV**

That motherfucking asshole.

God damnit!

I hated him. I hated him, I loved him, I missed him, I wanted to kick his ass from here to New Jersey and lay into him like never before. And then I wanted to hug him and beg him to tell me why? Why?

How could he do this? How could he possibly have been in _this_ deep?

Did he know about Bella? Did he do something?

As soon as Bella told me about the symbol and the way Jacob reacted to it, and then describing the man she saw at Alec's, I was fighting off the urge to throw up.

Mijn Broer.

Could it be?

I knew one thing was for sure. Whoever she saw was Il Leone. And now it all fit together: why they were after her, why she was a target, why Alec left so abruptly, why they sent Demitri to watch her, why Raven was close to her, the fact that Laurent was one of Alec's friends and that was how he meant Kate.

All of it. It all fit together.

I was sick. Sick with worry and fear and an absolute terror. I didn't want to leave her but I had to know, I had to find out.

The worst part was, in the back of my mind where the always calculating agent existed, I kept considering one fact, one awful realization.

 _Why hadn't they killed her yet?_

Surely they would send someone like _me_ after her?

And that thought sparked the most abysmal truth that I had fought to ignore.

She had seen it, she had seen _him_ , and she was not safe—not at all.

I had to know. I had to know if it could possibly be him.

Was he alive? Did he fake his death?

Has he been alive this entire time? Is that why no one has seen him?

And did that mean that I was in danger? Did he know I was undercover and investigating it all?

Is that why they sent someone after Bella?

 _Asshole. Stupid idiotic asshole._

Before it was even daylight I blew out of her apartment after talking to Emmett. I was sure he could hardly understand what I was saying, but he agreed to make sure she was okay.

And I was off into the night like a specter once again. I raced to where my stash was in Hell's Kitchen. I had kept the key that I found at my parents' house. I thought about where it could go to. I knew that my parents had a file cabinet at the house in the Hamptons for each of us. I didn't know if Eric's was still in his room, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it was. I was also thinking that the key might unlock… _something_ that filing cabinet would show me. And I needed to figure out what was in it.

After securing the key, a sidearm and some disguise, I again boosted a car and left in a haste for the Hamptons. I knew my parents were probably at the house this weekend, and I was taking more risks that I should be, but this had gone far enough and I had to know.

I had to find out just how vile and deep and twisted Mijn Broer really was.

As I sped along the highway, my hands gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were burning and white. My jaw hurt from grinding my teeth together. I could hardly see the road in my fog of fury.

At last I pulled into the home. I knew it was a huge risk. But if I found what I was afraid I might find inside, my parents would be in protective custody soon enough anyway, along with Alice and Jasper and Rose and Bella.

I knocked quickly, checking the grounds in my periphery and then stepping inside. It was still very early, but chances were my parents were awake.

The house was warm and smelled of cinnamon and coffee. It was close to seven by now so I walked into the kitchen and noticed my parents sitting at the table.

"Mom, Dad."

My mother jumped and spilled her coffee and my Dad looked at me with wide eyes. He hadn't told my mother anything, but he knew that if I showed up unexpected it couldn't be good.

"Edward. What are you doing here darling?" Surely my Mom could see the look of fear and disgust on my face.

I took a deep breath and spoke. "I need to get into Eric's room…I need to see something."

I shot my Dad a look and he just closed his eyes and shook his head, devastated.

"Of course Dear." Then my mother stood up to take me upstairs and looked at my father.

"Carlisle, is something going on?"

But I stopped him before he could speak and I squeezed the tops of my Mom's arms.

"Mom…Dad has something he needs to tell you, and I need to go take a look at something. When I'm done, I will help explain everything."

I could see the worry spread across her face as she looked at me in contemplation.

I kissed her on the cheek and walked upstairs, dreading what I was about to find.

It all came down to this.

Here at this home that we both loved so much, and it all came down to this moment.

I felt like a soldier marching into battle, but yet knowing without a doubt that I was not going to escape unscathed on the other side.

I knew I was going to be wounded.

Lucky if I wasn't dead.

As I opened the door to Eric's room a creepy feeling swept down my spine and then settled in the pit of my stomach.

I drew a breath and opened the door to find it cold and dark. I flipped on the light. It wasn't a beautifully redone guest room like mine or Alice's, but it wasn't exactly the same either. Nonetheless no one had used it since he died. I was sure of that.

As I glanced around the room, the closet was beckoning to me, like a dark evil vampire curling his finger at me, drawing me in.

I clenched my fists at my side and marched over and tore it open. Inside was the filing cabinet, so similar to the ones each of us had. It held copies of life insurance policies, trust documents, a will, and any other important papers that needed to be kept. We each had a safe deposit box downtown as well, but this was a back-up for us, since we were all very financially well off, even for our young ages.

The key in my pocket burned a hole and at once I removed it and tried it. But it didn't fit, making its existence all the more exasperating.

 _Just how many secrets did you have Mijn Broer?_

With a last breath and the ends of my will I pulled on the drawer and it opened easily. Inside was folder after folder of statements.

My fingers swept over the headings listing the various banks and I pulled them out one by one. I moved through each noting the dollar amounts, nothing extraordinary, but also much less than I had. It made me wonder where all of his money went.

I opened the second drawer to find his will and I pulled it out.

My eyes instantly darted to the four letter word in the corner.

 _VOID_

Fuck. He voided his will?

That could only mean one thing. He had another.

And with that I no longer cared about the order of the documents or what was before me. I pulled it all out and began to throw it across the room. My anger at him, the situation, the fact that I wasn't getting any answers spewing out of me.

And then I stopped. Because lying at the bottom of the first drawer was a single folder. Under the others so that it was hidden up on first glance.

I picked it up and opened it with trepidation.

 _Banque Privee_

My heart fell into my chest as I looked at the documents. They confirmed what the analysts had told me. That he owed money. But if he owed money to someone how could he be in charge?

 _Unless it was all a rouse._

I flipped to the next document then and my heart stopped.

It was an entirely separate account, and in it was a very large amount of money. Millions of dollars more than I knew he should have.

And the only stocks in the account were for Van Rijn, Reycon, Buxton, and Masen. I looked at the date the account was opened and I noticed it was close in time to his death.

September 5, 2001.

Only a day or two after our last in person conversation on the patio.

Only days before he performed the ultimate betrayal.

Finally my eyes swept over the last document in the file.

It was a medical record. A record of a woman named Angela Weyman.

Angela Weyman?

I looked up and down the record to see what it was for, when I froze.

 _June 22, 2000- Aspiration of fetus, 8 weeks_

What the fuck?

Did he lie about that too?

Was Eliot not really his child?

My mind instantly began racing as I sat down on the bed and held my head in my hands as my body shook violently.

I didn't know my brother at all.

How could he do all this? How could he be involved in all this? He was obviously behind it to some extent. I didn't know if he fell victim during his own evil game, but he was on the dark side, I was sure of it.

And this, this medical record, what the hell did it mean?

I looked at the woman's name again and I noticed that she listed her employer as Reycon.

Did everything mean nothing? Was it all a game? Was it all some sick twisted secret that he carried on behind all of our backs?

I couldn't look at it anymore. I stood up letting the file folder join the mass on the floor and it crinkled below me. But before I walked out, I noticed one last thing fall from the folder.

I bent to pick it up. It was a picture, a very old picture, of two men. The one man had light colored hair and a fair complexion and the other man looked to have dark hair and a darker complexion. They had their arms around each other grinning in their Columbia Prep sweaters and tennis rackets.

I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know who it was or why it was in there.

I just knew I couldn't look at any of it anymore. My parents weren't safe, Bella wasn't safe, if he was in fact Il Leone or he worked for him in some capacity.

Just then my father came to the door and I looked up at him. I tossed the picture back in the mess on the floor and sighed.

"Edward."

"You need to call Alice. You need to get her and Jasper out here and you need to be very careful. I think you're going to have to get a protective detail for a while."

My father closed his eyes and swallowed and then opened them and looked at the destruction around me.

"Your mother…" He trailed off and I knew what he was going to say. She had to be sick over this.

"I'm sure." I clenched my fists at my side and stepped toward the door as he moved out of my way.

"Where are you going Edward?"

"I really don't know." I mumbled.

I only knew one thing. I couldn't face my mother and my father right now. I couldn't face the fact that Eric could be Il Leone or worked for him.

And I couldn't face the anger that was boiling inside of me.

*&^%$#

I slammed the door behind me and instantly marched into the condo. I couldn't get a handle on what I found. I felt like everything was spinning out of control in front of me. My life as I knew it was over. Everything just blew up around me and I was left to pick up the pieces yet again.

I stopped abruptly when I saw Rose sitting on the couch.

"About time you got back." She shot me a look and I furrowed my brow at her.

I sighed. I didn't need to deal with this right now either. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a drink. I poured a glass of Ketel One and instantly downed it to start on my second when I felt a pair of eyes on me.

I turned around to see Rose with her arms crossed and staring at me.

"What?" I snapped.

"Oh for fuck's sake Edward, I've known you my whole life. You're losing it. When are you going to realize you're not in control of everything…no one is." She retorted.

"I'm not fucking stupid Rose." I hissed. "I know I can't control anything and it's been blaringly obvious the last few weeks." I railed.

She huffed and stepped closer as she lowered her voice. "But it's always about _you_ isn't it." She said as she sighed.

"Look. You stormed out of here earlier, scaring the shit out of Bella, not telling her anything. Do you know what she's been going through?"

My heart instantly leapt into my chest and I opened my mouth to respond, but Rose continued.

"You think we don't all have pain…that we don't _all_ hurt? We do. You're not the only one that lost a brother, or lost someone for that matter." Her words pierced me like a knife.

I gripped my glass as the anger bubbled inside of me.

"I've sat on the sidelines long enough with this. Alice and Jasper hurt just as bad when Eric died. So did your parents. And so did Bella when Brad died. And so did Emmett when he lost Bree. But he's moved on, they've moved on. Shit happens Edward. And if you don't get _yours_ together you're going to fuck up the best thing that has ever happened to _you_." She gave me a steely stare and blinked my eyes and prepared to speak until I heard a low voice from the doorway.

"Rose." Bella murmured. I turned to look at her and she looked absolutely spent.

My chest ached at once and Rose's words hit me like a freight train.

 _What was I doing? Why had I ruined everything? Why had I mourned the undeserving brother of mine for so long?_

Rose glanced at Bella and then to me. "I'm going to Emmett's. I'll leave you two."

She turned to Bella and gave her a hug and whispered something in her ear. Bella nodded and Rose squeezed her again before shooting a look at me. I was instantly regretful. I had left her in a state of despair and worry, of course she was probably angry or upset with me. She was the target after all, not me, and I just took off on her once again in trying to pursue my own desires.

 _Like I always did._

 _Fuck._

I heard the door click and the condo was still and eerily quiet. All I could hear was the rain thumping against the large living room windows.

My eyes lifted to Bella's and I was struck by the intense sadness, fear and worry in her eyes.

 _Shit. I had done this to her._

I instantly stepped back, trying to burn the image out of my mind, but I couldn't. At once all of the emotion, all of the warring, burning fear and tension rushed through me.

I downed the second drink in my hand and then slammed it on the counter. I heard the glass splinter under my hand and Bella winced at the action.

She stepped forward tentatively and put her hand on my arm.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

I didn't want to tell her. I was afraid if I spoke then I would lose it for good this time.

"Nothing."

"Yeah right." She recoiled.

"I just…I can't tell you." I said trying to push it down.

"Why?" She said exasperatedly.

"Because, I am _so_ angry, I don't want _you_ to see it. I don't want you to see _this_ side of me." I said through clenched teeth.

"I don't care." She said firmly.

"Well I do."

She exhaled loudly. And then I saw her transform before my eyes. She was no longer tired and sad. She was fierce. She had a look of determination in her eyes that I had never seen.

"Goddamnit Edward Cullen!" She shouted and smacked her hand on the counter as well.

I tensed. Her tone was one of reprimand and it went straight to my core.

"Yell at _me_ " She annunciated. "Scream at me! Let it out for Christ's sake, because I can't take it anymore. Just don't draw in." She begged. Her eyes danced across my face as she pointed to herself.

"I can't yell at you." I finally said.

But she didn't relent. I could see; she wasn't going to relent this time.

"Yes you can. You know why? _That's_ what I'm here for. I know it's not about me." She waved her hands getting louder and stepped forward. Then she pressed her finger into my chest, poking right at my heart.

"I know it's about Eric, your mission, not me. So yell at me. Scream _at me_. I'm not a child. I can handle it and _you_ need it. But I'm not going to stand around and watch you self destruct anymore!"

Her eyes burned into mine and I could feel every emotion, every bit of anger, fear, dread, sorrow and fury rise up and boil over.

"Why? You really want to know?" I spat.

"Yes." She said firmly.

We had only fought a few times, but I knew one thing, when she stood her ground, that was it.

"Fine." I slammed my other hand on the counter, but this time she didn't wince. I turned and paced across the small kitchen, opening and closing my mouth a few times before I stopped and looked at her.

She merely cocked her eyebrow at me in challenge.

And at once I erupted.

Everything that I had kept inside for the last month exploded out of me.

I ranted about my mission, about the connections, about not being able to help anyone, being pissed at Eric. I screamed about being pissed because I didn't know, pissed at my father, who I had no reason to be mad at, pissed at the FBI, just pissed at everyone.

I was like a madman raging back and forth across the floor, my arms were gesturing wildly and my body was shaking.

I told her about Il Leone and the symbol and the medical records and the possibility that Eliot might not be his. I could see something flash across her eyes, but she continued to stand there, steadfast and unwavering. I told her about Raven and Laurent and Demitri—about everything I knew about them, how evil they really were. I told her about the Draconis and Jacob and the organization. I mentioned the connections with Alec and Eric and the things I found at the Hamptons today.

I told her about my missions, about having to kill so many people. And then relayed my taking out six guys last week and not feeling bad about it.

I went on and on and on, unyielding, holding nothing back, because at that point, I honestly couldn't hold anything back. All of the feelings I had pushed down for so long poured out of me like hot molten lava heading for the shore. It was as if I was releasing thirteen years of it into this kitchen on this dreadful Saturday afternoon.

I spilled about the girls and the things I had seen in Romania. I told her about Marie and how I found out she was killed on Wednesday. I told her how enraged I was, how absolutely disgusted I was, by the entire situation.

Finally I stopped and turned to her. She was still standing there, resolute and stalwart in her gaze. I was breathing heavily and I felt as though I had emptied my insides over and over again. I heaved my despair and wreckage onto the floor. I gasped as I caught my breath from my tirade and I looked right in her eyes.

"Why did you want to hear that? I don't want you to see how irate I am, I can't handle it myself." I rasped.

She moved toward me with purpose and put her hands on my face.

"Because you have to. _You_ have to work through it and not bottle it all up all the time and you have to tell me."

"Why should I? I don't want to burden you with it."

"You need to, and that's what I am here for. I'm in this with you. We're in this together remember. And I'm not leaving you…ever…I love you more than I can say…" She trailed off. And before I could reply she whispered. "And because if you don't I'm afraid I'm going to lose you." And for the first time her stoic demeanor cracked and I saw the love and the passion in her eyes. I saw the worry and trepidation that I would never move on, that I would never get over it.

I tugged her to me with remarkable force and wrapped my arms around her. For all I had just told her, for all she had heard, she was worried about _me_. She was concerned about _me,_ and everything stopped at that realization.

She was everything I always wanted, needed, craved, yearned for.

I couldn't believe the amount of love and strength and undying devotion she had. She was remarkable to me, as unbelievable as I thought her that first day at Gray's or at the Met when I didn't even know her.

And for the first time in thirteen years, a calm washed over me and all of the fury and anxiety melted away. I felt her wrap her arms around me and grip me tightly.

She was right—she was always right—I needed to vent the frustrations- being pissed at the world wasn't helping me. Once again _Mijn Zon_ knew and she saved me from myself. Rose was right, if I didn't start talking I was going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I couldn't do that. The best thing that ever happened to me was standing here in my arms and telling me that she would never give up on me.

I had to give her the same thing in return. She deserved it, and so did I.

I finally came to that realization.

For as mad as I was at Eric, for as frustrated as I was with the mission and the situation, it paled in comparison to how I would feel if I lost _her._

I couldn't even think of _that._

I pressed my lips to her hair and rubbed my hands down her back as I breathed her in and felt her small frame against mine. She was my life, my air, my water, my grounding.

"I'm so sorry Liefje. I'm so sorry." I murmured.

She sighed and she looked up at me, her eyes wet with tears. I bent down to kiss them away and stroked my fingers down her face. She was so beautiful and so unbelievably strong. She amazed me.

For as much as I tried to push her away, she fought me back ten-fold, relentlessly.

She was my equal, my rock, my salvation.

"You have to talk to me. You have to let me in." She whispered.

"I know." And I did know. I knew now more than ever.

I kissed her soundly and my body warmed at the heat she emanated from her very soul. She clutched me to her, her hands trailing up my back to the hair at the bottom of my neck. Her lips grew needy and fervent and I felt myself getting lost in her. I needed her every second, every minute, every hour of every day.

She slowed her kiss as she brought her hands around to cover mine on her face and her shimmering espresso eyes met mine. She took a deep breath and her lip trembled a little as she prepared to say something.

"What is it Liefje?" I said as I acted in kind, letting the calm settle over me for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"I need to tell you something." She swallowed and I waited.

She closed her eyes and reopened them, steeling her resolve. I just stood, silent, letting the moment take over itself as she prepared her words, wondering what it could possibly be.

"Edward, I'm pregnant." She finally whispered.

 _What?_

 _Did she…what did she just say?_

"What?" I said, absolutely flabbergasted.

She sighed and closed her eyes as I held my hands to her face.

"I said…I'm pregnant."

My throat constricted and my heart took off like throng of wild horses.

 _Did she just say she was pregnant?_

 _Oh my God._

My eyes danced across her face as hers paralleled mine. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak, I couldn't even think. All of the emotion that had just spilled out of me only moments before was once again coursing through me, but now for a completely different reason, and I didn't know what to make of it.

I was…

 _Elated? Terrified? Shocked? Speechless?_

Minutes, hours, hell, days might have passed as I stood there staring at her face, trying to contemplate her words. She didn't say anything, likely watching my face for my reaction.

My legs were wavering under me as her words sunk in.

Without a word, I could only do one thing. The day, the last few months, the last thirteen years culminated in this one moment.

I crushed her to me as I fell to the floor on my knees. Her arms stayed around me as she joined me and tears filled my eyes and ran down my face without willing them to do so.

I couldn't discern what I was saying, or even understand the words coming out of my mouth.

"Oh Mijn Zon. Liefje. Oh my God, are you serious? I love you. I love you so much. Oh my God. But how? But when? I can't believe it. You have to be kidding me. Oh my God. Really?"

I could feel her crying against me as I kissed her hair, her neck, her shoulders, and her forehead as I pressed her against me further. I was a bumbling mess as I sat there with her on the kitchen floor.

My mind was racing and my heart was thundering in my chest. I didn't know what to think. I was just so overcome with… _everything_ that I couldn't form a response.

"Edward." She finally pulled my face back and put her hands on my cheeks. "So you're not…mad?" She said as I could see the tears in her eyes.

 _Mad?_

 _Was she crazy?_

Freaked. Worried. Excited. Scared to death yes. But mad, never.

"Oh my God. Liefje, no. No, I'm not mad." I kissed her powerfully and I could feel her sigh in relief against me.

"I'm sorry if you thought that. When did you…how?" I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

"Um…it must have failed. The pill." She bit her lip and I nodded.

 _Well this was sure something._

She blew out a breath and continued. "I took a test this afternoon. Rose suspected it, after being sick and all."

It made so much sense now. She had been sick for two weeks. She was always tired, and her body had changed. I could see it, but of course I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't notice.

Rose was right—about everything she said.

 _God I'm so stupid._

It was a sobering moment, the most sobering moment of my life as I sat there on the floor with everything precious to me in my arms.

"You haven't been keeping this in have you? I'm so sorry for how I've acted. I'm so sorry Liefje." My lips met hers again and I could taste the mixture of the tears between us. Hers moved against mine vigorously and soon enough we were both breathless and trembling.

She shook her head at me and then smiled shyly. "No, I just found out today. I wanted to tell you right away…"

I was overwhelmed by the feeling of love from her and immense relief from bearing my soul this afternoon.

In that moment my entire world came together in the blink of an eye.

I knew that I was done. I was going in Monday to tell Garrett everything. I was going to request a protective detail for Bella and I was going to bow out of the mission and merely offer my services in briefings until it was completed.

With those two words my entire life shifted before my eyes.

Everything changed.

It wasn't all about me anymore. It had _never_ been about me and I failed to see that for too long.

My anger at Eric, at the mission and the situation subsided as everything sunk in. I couldn't control it. I would help in any way I could, but I could no longer be undercover, not now. Not with what I found out both today at the Hamptons and tonight in this very kitchen.

I was going to be a father.

 _Holy shit._

My world was officially rocked and at that thought absolutely everything around me stopped.

 _That_ was a thought that had been entirely in the abstract to me for so long. Even when Eric found out about Eliot, it didn't strike me the way it struck me now.

Part of that was the fact that it was Bella…the most perfect woman in the world for me.

The other part of it was that I hadn't truly lived my life for so long that I didn't have one.

But I had one with her.

Here.

Now.

And following my revelations and feelings about her was the absolute terror of losing her…losing both of them now.

 _Oh my God. I'm going to be a father._

"Edward." Her angelic voice pulled me from my thinking and I realized I was almost smothering her.

"Edward, baby what is it?" She asked tentatively.

"Oh Liefje. I'm…" I didn't know what to say to her. I was so conflicted with emotion over what I found out about Eric today and the news she was telling me. It was a bittersweet day.

But then and there I finally decided to release it. I finally decided to let it be swept away, swept away with the other things I couldn't control, that none of us could control. I was just going to move forward with her and focus on the life we could build because that was true and honest and the most real thing I had ever known.

"I love you so, so much." I whispered as I kissed her. A lone tear trickled down her cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

"So you're really okay with this?" She asked.

"Yeah. Why…aren't you?" Suddenly a pit formed in my stomach. I mean this was obviously not opportune…

By any means…

At all.

But it didn't matter.

"No…it's not that…it's just…with everything going on…I didn't know how you would respond." She said quietly as another tear left her eye.

I ran my hands down her arms and bent to kiss her tear away. "I'm…speechless…but I'm definitely not angry. I'm...actually more than happy. I can't explain it Liefje. I've had such a bad day, such a bad…" I trailed off. "Everything I've found out…this just…wipes it all away."

"Really?"

"Really, really." I smiled at her but as I looked into her eyes I was overcome with passion once again. I took her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. A familiar fire spurred in my stomach and it instantly spread throughout my body.

That I could love and feel so much for one person still overtook me…every time. Every kiss, every touch was like fire and it was like the first time all over again.

She reached her hand up to my face and traced it along my cheek. I could feel each whisper and moment in her touch. My breath caught in my throat as I stopped and just stared at her.

The mother of my child.

I never thought I could say that…would say that.

The thought stopped me dead in my tracks. In that moment I knew that everything I needed was right in front of me. She presented my way out. She saved me. I didn't do anything. I was nothing without her. She was everything.

I pressed my mouth to hers and trailed my fingers through her silky chestnut waves as our bodies melded together. It was perfect and reverent and everything I wanted even on the cold kitchen floor.

At once, I had the strength of a thousand men. I wrapped my arms around her, never letting my lips leave hers as I stood up. I would protect her with my life. I would protect them _both_ with everything I had in me.

But I couldn't think about that, I could only focus on the woman before me—the love of my life, the love of my…existence.

I could feel her tears touching my cheeks as she kissed me with so much adoration it shot to the center of my chest with such force that I trembled. My tongue slowly met with hers and it wasn't forceful or hurried. It was as if we were experiencing our first kiss again, tasting each other for the first time.

***In a matter of moments I was setting her on the bed. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her swimming espresso orbs. I kneeled before her and wrapped my arms around her back as she spread her legs around me. I could hear a low song playing in the background and the windows were open blowing a soft breeze through the curtains. They billowed out in supple waves just as the breeze reached her and curled around her chestnut locks.

The look in her eyes was undeniable. I only hoped I could express for her the torrent of emotions tearing through me at this time.

She rested her hands on my shoulders as I pulled her close to me and nestled my head against her stomach. To know there was a part of both of us growing inside of her made my heart ache and clench inside of me.

She was everything. My sun, my moon, my light, my love, my savior. Everything.

I bent to kiss her stomach and her breath hitched above me. I looked up to see the giant tears spilling down her face and I slowly moved up her body, stroking her legs and gently rubbing her sides as I laid her back on the bed.

Her hair spread out along the pillow as her beautiful skin glistened in the dim light of the day. The rain was lightly tapping against the window panes as the cool breeze continued to blow in through the crack in the window.

I couldn't put a word to what I was feeling at the moment. I was swept away by the sensations. Suddenly nothing else in the world mattered…all that mattered was the woman before me.

I crept further up her body, a body I knew as well as my own and placed gentle, reverent kisses along her long bare legs, from her ankles and up to her calves. She laid back and looked at me with hooded eyes and I could feel the need and love emanating from her. I pressed my lips to the inside of her knee, her inner thigh and then traced my fingers near the juncture of her legs as she closed her eyes and lost herself to my touch. I wanted to kiss every inch of her, feel every inch of her under my fingertips.

I slowly discarded all of her clothing, kissing, whispering words of love to her as I joined her and completely bared myself before her.

But my breath caught in my throat at the sight before me.

 _Was I so blinded the last few weeks to not see this?_

 _Never again, I vowed._

"Oh Mijn Zon. You're so beautiful. So very beautiful." I trailed my fingertips from her neck, down her ribs to her center and she moaned as I stroked her lightly. It still amazed me that someone so perfect, so loving, could love me in return.

I laid my body flush against hers as she wrapped her arms around me and her fingers grasped my hair. I could feel her massaging my scalp and it felt so tender and caring, yet conveyed an undying need.

I grazed my hands over her breasts, down her curves and over her hips and the inside of her legs once again. I was caressing, kissing, savoring, and experiencing her all over again.

"Perfecte. Prachtige. Mijn Schoonheid." I murmured.

She shivered a bit and I could still feel the cool, yet refreshing wind whispering through the room.

I reached down to pull the sheet over us and it billowed around me like a parachute set to flight. She looked even more beautiful as the white of the sheet illuminated her dark curls and her captivating brown pools. Her luscious pink lips were spread in an "O" as my eyes burned into hers.

 _This_ was the picture I wanted burned into my memory for the rest of my life.

Not my missions. Not my assignments. Not the horrible things I had seen over the last eleven years.

Just her. Like this. With the white against her creamy skin and her perfect naked body beneath me.

I slowly pressed my lips to her neck and moved my way down to her stomach and let my mouth linger there. I felt her hand in my hair as she held me and I kissed her right over her stomach. She whimpered a bit my heart skipped at what she was thinking because I was thinking the same thing.

Then I ever so easily traced back up her body until I took one of her pink nipples in my mouth.

"Oh." She closed her eyes and her lips parted silently at my touch. The sheet was still moving around us without effort and I could feel the soft cotton abrading my back like a caress.

I covered her body with mine as I paid tribute to her and she gasped and moaned gently beneath me. Her taste, her smell, the sight of her below me, in this moment, at this time, a time I knew somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind I would never have again, was permeating my senses.

I could feel her breath, I could feel her heart, and I could feel her love with every kiss and every touch. I only wanted to return everything to her.

The soft music lilted through the air around us, outside the cover of the sheet and the warmth of her body. Our hands and our lips were memorizing each other and I sighed as she gently ran her fingertips up and over my chest, down my shoulders and clasped my back.

Finally I made my way to her lips after taking the time to explore her entirely and looked into her soulful eyes.

"I love you Mijn Zon. You're my life Liefje. You always will be."

One more lone tear crept down her face and I kissed it away as I felt her hands on the small of my back and I slowly pressed into her, once again making myself whole.

"I love you Edward. My Apollo." She sighed as I filled her and she filled me even more completely.

"Ik hou van je, Bella. De moeder van mijn kind." I whispered in her ear as I began to move, overcome with the feelings coursing through my body.

The sheet surrounded us and with every push, every sigh, moved in unison.

She wrapped her legs around me as my mouth met hers. Our tongues worked in sync and my chest met hers so that every inch of us was connected. We were dancing beneath the soft cotton, slowly, worshipfully.

The sounds in the room, the rythym of the song playing and the sheet moving with us fell in perfect time. It was as if the entire world aligned, just as it did the first night.

I kissed her, passionately, trying to show her and share with her everything I was feeling as I moved inside her. Her hips met mine and I began to thrust faster without willing my body to do so. I wanted to be consumed by her.

She was all I wanted, all I needed, everything in the world to me.

I broke my mouth from hers as a slow bead of sweat formed on her forehead. The heat pervading both of us was squelching, but I didn't want to leave this place, I didn't want to close my eyes and have this sight removed from my vision. So instead I pressed on and she moaned and gasped as her eyes locked with mine and her hips met me in measure.

That familiar burn uncoiled in my stomach and spread to my limbs, to my feet to the tips of my toes, but it was still as if it was the first time.

I curled my legs and pressed into her farther and she gripped my shoulders harder.

"Ah...Edward." She cried out breathily.

"Liefje..." I brushed my thumb over her nipple as I took the other in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it until she was writhing against me. Our movements became more frantic, but still reverent, and even in the dim light of the rainy day and with the sheet wrapped around us, I could feel the intensity of my release spiraling through me.

She began to tighten around me and I crashed my lips to hers again, claiming every ounce of her body against mine. She moaned loudly into my mouth as her legs gripped me tighter and I lifted her hips with one hand and turned mine to meet her.

"Oh...Oh God." Her head fell back and my mouth instantly found her neck, tasting, kissing, savoring her sweet essence there. I locked my lips below her ear and then murmured to her.

"I love you forever. You're everything to me Liefje. Everything. You and our baby."

At that, she quietly, but with force shattered around me and threw her head back in a silent exclamation. I quickly followed and I was struck with the power of my release as white lights flashed behind my eyes and I shuddered.

I was breathing heavily as I covered her body with mine once again and kissed her tenderly. I never wanted to leave the cavern we had created beneath our parachute, as if it was our life force to take us away from the outside world and hide us from any more pain or sorrow or fear.

I rolled to her side and turned her to me as I stared into her eyes. I rubbed my thumb under the darkness as she closed her lids and hummed into my touch. And we just laid there, still and barely breathing in the late afternoon light as the breeze whispered around us.

*&^%$#

"I'm going to Garrett Monday." I whispered as my fingers gently traced her cheekbone, down the satin skin of her jaw and back up to where her long lashes met the ivory.

"Okay."

I swallowed and stared at her, still unbelieving of the situation.

"I'm stepping down Bella. I'm too close to it all now and...I want a protective detail on you. Myself included of course, but I want someone to escort you to and from work.

She sighed and closed her eyes. I had just explained more about everything I found out the last few days, about Eric, Il Leone and all of the connections that seemed to be coming together.

But one fact wouldn't leave the back of my mind.

One fact terrified me beyond measure. And now that she was carrying my child—something I was positive about even if she still needed to go to the doctor—I didn't want to take any risks.

I still couldn't figure out why they hadn't taken _her_ out yet. There was still one piece missing and that concerned me even more.

"Okay." She finally relented. I knew she didn't like the protection and the cover, but I also knew she would do it for me. There was a light at the end of this tunnel and I felt much more equipped to step down and simply help with the investigation if I could and lay low until it was completed.

 _Lay low, and protect her at all costs._

"What do you think they'll say?" She asked quietly as her fingers traced circles over my chest.

"They won't be happy...and I might get reprimanded, but I don't care." I murmured and draped my arm around her to pull her closer to me.

We fell silent for a moment as our lips locked again, kissing languidly as the day turned to night.

"Are you going to tell your parents?" She asked quietly.

I brushed my hand through her hair and thought for a moment.

"Yeah...and I want to tell them about Eliot finally too. But with what I just found out...I don't know." I sighed. "Yet I want to come clean with all of it and just let the chips fall where they may. He'll still be my nephew even if he's not..biologically, I couldn't take that from him. My family will probably have to be protected as well for a while so they might as well know...everything." I swallowed.

It still pained me to think of it all. But she was right. Rose was right. I couldn't change it. He made the stupid decisions and it had nothing to do with me. All I could do now was move on and live my life with a different purpose. Devote it to Bella and our child and reconnect with the family that I did have left.

"I think that's a good idea." Her hand cupped my face and I closed my eyes as we held each other. "And when it's over..." She asked tentatively.

I opened my eyes again and was met with the bottomless brown. I cupped her face as my blazing green met hers.

"And when it's over..." I took a deep breath and said the next words with every feeling, every ounce of energy I had in me. "I want to marry you. I want to raise our child. I want us to have a life together. I want everything..with you. I will never leave you."

Her breath hitched and her eyes filled with tears as I pulled her to me. I could feel her shaking against me as the tears streamed down her face and met my uncovered chest.

"I want that too." She whispered against me and my heart swelled at her words. I hugged her tightly to me, trying to show her just how much I meant it.

Soon, it would all be over and we could start our life together. Soon, the FBI would be behind me and the investigation would be complete. And soon, she would be mine, in every way. I thought about the possibilities and our future in the quiet of her apartment, vowing already to do anything I could to make her happy, to be the man she deserved and protect her, protect _them._ Eventually we drifted off to sleep in the darkness of the evening.

*&^%$#

I kissed Bella good-bye on Monday morning and told her to call me as soon as she got back from seeing her doctor. She had an 1:00 appointment and then had to work the rest of the day.

I was set to get things in motion. I spent Sunday laying out everything in my head that the FBI needed to know. I would tell them about Eric's financials, about the things I found at my parents, the stuff at the Hamptons. All of it.

I knew I had to meet Felix at the gym at 10:00, he wanted to spar today for some reason, so I wouldn't be able to go into the Bureau until the afternoon. I needed to keep the obligation though because I had thought up a way for me to bow out. I was going to tell him I planned to meet with a potential buyer that night, but it was someone who was very secretive and dangerous.

Then I was going to fake my death. I would have Seth and Ivanova leak it to the organization that the buyer had suspected I was no good and things got out of hand.

Felix knew I was good, but things fall apart sometimes right?

I rambled through my day almost excited at the prospect of being done. The undercover work, the FBI, it truly didn't mean to me what it once did. I felt hollow and heartless most of the years I served and if anything, they deserved more than that. They deserved more than a ghost in uniform. That life was no longer mine, it was no longer what I strove for.

I walked into the Bureau at a little past 2:00 when I felt a vibration in my pocket.

 ** _MA~ Well, it's confirmed. May 7. Congratulations Daddy. ILY~ YZ_**

A huge smile spread across my face and I felt my eyes wet again as my heart thundered in my chest. I still couldn't believe the change of events.

We had also spent Sunday making plans for what we would do once I was done. At the rate it was going, I had a feeling the mission would be over long before Bella was due. But nonetheless, I would remain discreet even though I planned to buy a new place and keep myself disguised and out of the public eye. We would tell our families, but hold them to the ut-most secrecy until everything wrapped up. And then once it did, she could move in to my much larger condo, which with my trust and the fact that I hardly spent any of my FBI salary, I could easily afford.

I quickly typed my response as I stepped into the NY headquarters, feeling so much different than the first time I was here.

 ** _MZ~ I can't tell you how excited I am, Mommy. I love you too. ~YA_**

I felt like I was finally going to leave my demons behind. I knew we weren't safe, not by a long shot. But I felt much better knowing I could be with her at all times and we would have the force of the FBI behind us.

I turned the corner and saw Garrett talking to Kate in the hallway. She smiled at me and squeezed his hand before she walked off.

"Cullen? What's going on? Why are you here?" He looked every bit as surprised as I knew he would be. I had always been an unwaveringly loyal agent.

"Garrett. We need to talk. There's...something I found out."

He furrowed his brow at me and nodded and I gestured us towards the conference room.

For the next five hours I divulged the happenings of the last four months. From the time I met Bella, to finding out about Eric and then everything she had told me as well as the things I found through the investigation, I spilled it all to him.

He sighed and clenched his teeth and his eyes softened when I told him the latest news.

"I can't take the risk. I have to step down. I'm too close to it all and now with everything...I want her and my family protected." I stated with conviction.

Garrett nodded and closed his eyes.

"You know when Kate told me about her and the way she had been acting, and the way you and McCarty had been acting, I had a sneaking suspicion something was going on." He admitted. "It's not that I condone it, and Lord knows I haven't followed the rules lately. But I'm not going to write you up. We'll figure out a way for you to step down from this gracefully."

"Thanks Morgan, I appreciate it."

"You know, I really hope this doesn't mean you're done with the FBI though Edward. You're a hell of a good agent, shit, maybe the best I have ever worked with. And there are other facets to the agency you can work in that are more family friendly. Just think about it. Take some time. I'll give you leave or whatever you need, but don't make a final decision on that yet okay?"

I nodded at him. He was right. The FBI was all I had known in my adult life, I really didn't know what I wanted to do when I was done.

I stood up and shaked Garrett's hand and he said he would get to work on figuring out an exit strategy for me. It might take a few days to get everything in place. But I could handle that. If it meant that in only a few days I could put this all behind me, then I could wait.

Utter relief overcame me as I opened the door to the conference room. I couldn't wait to get back to Bella's, to tell her that I was done.

But just as I turned I was met by a frantic Kate at the door. Her blue eyes were wide with terror and she had a phone in her shaking hand.

"Kate, what is it?" Garrett asked, noticing her expression.

"Something's happened." Her voice cracked and she looked straight at me.

I didn't have to ask her, I didn't need her to say a word. The look in her eyes said it all to me and my heart dropped out of my chest as my whole world shattered around me.

 _It was Bella._

 **XXXX**


	23. Chapter 23: The Lover

**Chapter 23: The Lover**

 ** _Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones_**

 **~Bella Swan~**

 _~Monday, September 18, 8:00 A.M.~_

"Maggie can you bring me the schedule of events for October?"

"Sure thing Bella. Do you want me to just bring back your delivery when it comes today too?" She smiled widely and I sighed.

"Yeah, that's fine."

I was still fighting off my morning sickness but for some reason it was particularly awful this morning. I realized I should probably be cutting the coffee and so that added a bit of crankiness to my day.

Otherwise I was actually rather happy.

No, scratch that. I was ecstatic, nervous and terrified, but ecstatic.

Even with everything going on, even with the horrible timing, Edward was thrilled with the news. I was surprised, but I also knew how caring he was. Deep beneath the surface of his tough agent façade he was a lover, not a fighter, at heart. And he never failed to show me just how much that was true.

Warmth spread through my body as I thought of the last two days and I stepped into my office to fire up my laptop for the day. I called my doctor's office first thing this morning and was able to get an appointment for 1:00 P.M. I had to agree with Edward, based on all of the "normal" signs as we had looked them up yesterday online, as well as the at home test, I was pretty sure I was pregnant.

Nevertheless, I wanted to talk to my doctor about what could have possibly happened. How exactly it failed, because _that_ still perplexed me.

Even in my state of happiness, I was still a bit tense and nervous. It was Monday, which meant I was likely to get flowers today. Usually they came in the morning, but that didn't mean a whole lot. So as I move through my day and let my mind wander to the last two days with Edward, I hardly noticed that they hadn't arrived before it was lunch time.

After he finally opened up to me and he _finally_ let it all out in my kitchen, I knew that he was really done this time. I was horrified and felt so sorry for him and for the things he had seen. To say I was astonished by the extent of his investigation and the connections was an understatement. It all fit: what I saw and heard and how I might be a target.

 _I shuddered at the realization._

I wasn't stupid; I knew having a baby right now was _not_ good timing. And I knew I was in a great deal of danger.

But I also knew he would go to the ends of the earth to protect me. He told me as such repeatedly the rest of the weekend and never faltered from his proclamation.

Yet I couldn't help to think there was still… _something_. Something else connected me to his investigation. He wouldn't say it, but he thought it too. A dark cloud would cover his face whenever I mentioned it and I knew he was probably thinking the most awful of things. So I let him keep that to himself. I was glad I pushed him to open up. He needed it. And frankly, I needed it too. I couldn't have all of his anger, all of his baggage hanging over us when I told him my shocking news.

And so once the air had cleared and I could finally see the relief in his eyes, I told him.

And he cried.

Which in turn made me cry…again.

 _Damn hormones._

I had never been so emotional and felt so absolutely blessed and loved in my life. I had never been a dramatic person—passionate and driven yes—but not dramatic. But the power of his words and his actions on Saturday struck me to my very core. I didn't know if it was simply that or a combination of the hormones, but I knew deep inside me that he meant everything he said, and so did I. I loved him more than my own life. It was beyond measure, beyond thinking, and to know that he was willing to give it all up for me…for us…said everything about him. He wanted to get married, raise our child and have a life together. I also realized I wanted that so much it caused a deep ache inside of me.

 _Then why did I have a sickening feeling that it was all going to slip away._

Regardless, on Sunday I told him not to be rash. He didn't have to quit the FBI for me, for us, simply because he was stepping down from this investigation. I would never ask that of him. Even though he said he was done, I knew a large part of him still felt compelled to serve and was still drawn to make amends with the world. If it wasn't for his brother anymore it was _because_ of him—to make up for his transgressions.

He agreed that he would simply inform Garrett of the conflict with this investigation and leave it at that. He wouldn't make any rash decisions for now. I knew part of that was because he wanted to be there to protect me. I generally lashed back against hovering. I didn't like men who were suffocating. But this was different. I knew how much he loved me and how much I loved him. I knew how determined he was to protect me. So for him, I would let that drive to be an individual and independent slide. If I was being real with myself, I was terrified as well and for once in my life, it felt good to be so cared for.

Well, it wasn't all about _me_ anymore either—which was a sobering realization.

At 12:00 I warmed my lunch out of the employee lounge and decided to eat at my desk. I was going over some materials for a new exhibit and I knew I would probably be gone for at least an hour at my appointment this afternoon.

I heard a knock on the door and I looked up to see Jasper.

"Bella. You're eating in here today?" Jazz asked

"Yeah, I need to do some work. I have an appointment at 1:00." I smiled.

"Is everything okay?" His brow furrowed and I let out a breath. "Everything's great Jazz, in fact…well…yeah…everything's great Jazz."

He eyed me peculiarly and I opened up my leftover pasta from the night before.

"Okay Bella." He turned to leave when he spun back again.

"By the way, are you going to that staff meeting tonight?"

Crap. I had completely forgotten about that. It was our quarterly staff meeting and since it was closing in on the end of the third quarter, we had it tonight.

"Yup. I'll be there. It's at 5:00 right?"

"Yeah. You need me to walk you home later?"

"I'll just catch a cab."

"Okay. See you tonight then."

Jasper ducked out and I quickly finished my lunch before I had to leave for my 1:00 appointment.

*&^%$#

"I…but I don't understand. I'm on birth control, and I am very good about taking it." I said to my doctor.

 _Pregnant. It was confirmed. Very pregnant. Like seven weeks pregnant._

"Well birth control is not 100% fail proof Ms. Swan. But there are certain things that can make it ineffective."

"Like what?" I asked quickly. My mind was still running through the possibilities at how this happened. We had never used additional protection, but I didn't think we needed to because I was on the pill.

"Well, stress can be a factor, antibiotics for one and of course if you aren't careful about taking it at the same time every day."

Suddenly it dawned on me.

"Oh shit." I muttered and brought my hand to my forehead.

"Excuse me." Her eyes widened.

"I'm sorry…I mean…I think I might have figured out how this happened."

 _My root canal. Son-of-a-bitch._

I _knew_ antibiotics affected birth control, but I didn't even think about it because I wasn't sick, like _actually_ sick. Yet I had to take penicillin for the infection.

"Oh God." How could I be so stupid?

"Is there a problem Ms. Swan?" I looked up at my doctor and she was smiling at me compassionately.

I quickly explained that I had a root canal in early August and I didn't even think about the fact that it would make my birth control less effective.

"Well, if you need some information on your…options." She said with trepidation.

"Um, no. I won't need that, that's not…an issue." I shook my head at her.

"Have you told the father yet…?" She asked me. I could tell she was curious about the situation. I had never spoken to her of anyone and she knew I wasn't married.

I could feel the red creeping up my cheeks at the thought. Not due to embarrassment, but because of the love and adoration he had once he found out. If I thought he was passionate before, it was nothing compared to how he was on Saturday night and Sunday.

 _That was nothing short of…absolutely perfect._

I realized I hadn't said anything and my cheeks had to be scarlet by now as I cleared my throat.

"Yes…he's quite happy actually." I smiled and looked off a bit dazedly.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that." She returned my smile and I bit my lip.

"Will he be coming for your next appointment then?" She asked next.

We hadn't discussed it, but I could only guess that he would be.

I laughed lightly. "I'm pretty sure he'll be here, yes. I don't think he would miss it for anything."

"Good." We scheduled my next check up and soon enough I was heading back to work.

*&^%$#

 _~Monday, September 18, 2:00 P.M.~_

As I walked into my office I looked at the bag of prenatal vitamins and literature in my hand. I knew this was something I still needed to keep quiet at work, but now that it was official, I was almost bursting at the seams to tell _someone._

I quickly dialed Rose. Even though this was absolutely not a good time for this to happen, I was excited, more excited than I ever thought I would be about an unplanned pregnancy.

 _Nope, yeah I pretty much never thought I would feel like this._

"Rosalie Whitlock." She answered gruffly and I almost chuckled. Rose was all business when she was working.

"Rose, it's Bella."

"Bella!" She exclaimed and then I heard her telling someone to get out of her office on the other line and I laughed out loud.

"Ok Bella, talk to me." Rose said.

"Well…it's official."

"Really!" She shouted and I pulled the phone away from my ear as she settled down. "So how do you feel about that?"

A smile crept across my face as I let my hand wander down to my stomach. I obviously couldn't feel anything yet, but it was crazy to think there was a little person in there.

"I'm okay with it Rose. I really am. In fact, I am beyond happy to be having Edward's baby."

"Good. And him? Did he pull his head out of his ass on Saturday?"

I laughed again. _Leave it to Rose._ "Yes. In fact, he was thrilled, and so…yeah…it was unbelievable really..." I trailed off and then I became quiet. I knew we weren't telling anyone yet, but to know we were on the cusp of being in the open, and Rose already knew _so much_ , I felt okay to tell her.

"He's done after this Rose." I whispered. "He's stepping down. He wants to be there for us…for me and…the baby."

"Wow." She breathed on the other end of the line. She knew how much the FBI meant to him as well. "And you're okay with that. I know you don't like people taking care of you. And I know you wouldn't want him giving things up for you."

I smiled. She was right. I didn't. But this was…completely different in my mind.

"Yeah, it feels good actually."

We chatted for a few more moments and told her how I figured out it happened. She said she could completely understand my misstep. I felt a little better knowing people wouldn't think I was a total idiot for not realizing it. I told her about him quitting and wanting to get married.

Once I signed off the call with Rose I was smiling like a moron.

I quickly sent Edward a text, not knowing if he was at his meeting with Garrett yet.

 ** _MA~ Well, it's confirmed. May 7. Congratulations Daddy. ILY~ YZ_**

I told him the date that the doctor gave me and my stupid grin grew bigger at the words on the screen. In an instant I had a response and it made my breath catch in my throat and my heart leap out of my chest.

 ** _MZ~ I can't tell you how excited I am, Mommy. I love you too. ~YA_**

Mommy.

Wow.

I hadn't thought of that yet. I was once again overcome with emotion as I stared at the screen.

"I love you too." I whispered and then tucked the phone into my purse and set back to work.

*&^%$#

"Oh Bella! These came for you while you were at your appointment."

Maggie caught me as I was walking to my 5:00 staff meeting and my chest tightened a bit at the sight.

 _Begonias._

They just _looked_ ominous this time.

"Can you just set them on my desk? I have a meeting and you should head out for the night Maggie." I smiled at her.

"Of course Bella." She grinned and bounced off toward my office.

I took a deep breath, realizing I would have to face those when I got back. As I stepped into the conference room I smiled at my colleagues and we began to chat about our upcoming quarter. My boss reviewed the previous quarter's projects, our fundraising numbers as well as donations and the changes going into the holiday season.

"I'm pleased to announce as well that we have received a rather large donation in conjunction with our new exhibit."

I jotted down notes halfheartedly as Mr. Banner spoke, thinking about potential advertising, press statements, publications we could do. Suddenly I heard my name.

"Bella?"

"Yes." I looked up and Mr. Banner gave me a smile.

"Apparently, the donor was quite impressed with your work at the fundraiser this year and requested that you specifically work on the new exhibit."

"Oh." I said surprised.

I frowned though. All of our work was usually done in a team setting. We simply split up the smaller projects amongst us. And I didn't usually get very involved with the marketing side of things.

 _Who did I speak with at the fundraiser that would know about my work? Or my work with the exhibits for that matter?_

"I'm sorry, what's the focus of the exhibit again?" I asked, perplexed.

"It's the _Animals in Art_ exhibition. The donor has specifically requested it from the Smithsonian for a twelve-week run."

 _Animals? Why would a donor want me and want me to work on an animals exhibition?_

"Um…what's the…most prominent piece of the exhibition?" I asked with trepidation.

"Well, some of Bonnani's smaller pieces, as the larger ones are secured or too big to move, but otherwise…" He trailed off and I couldn't listen anymore as I was thinking through it.

 _Bonnani was an Italian sculptor. But what were his famous pieces?_

I kept thinking as I chewed my lip. Bonnani, animals, an animal exhibition.

 _His famous pieces were lions? But…_

At once my heart stopped.

 _Il Leone was Italian for "the Lion."_

 _Oh shit._

Lions are animals.

Lions.

 _Il Leone._

Oh my God. Could it be?

A shiver ran up my spine as I thought about the link.

My breathing picked up and I tried to steady my hand as I pretended to write it down.

For some reason I felt like it was a warning shot across the bow.

 _What could this mean? I knew it was something, there had to be some connection, but who was this donor?_

"When did you find out about this?" I cleared my throat and asked as nonchalantly as I could.

"This morning." I pondered that for a moment.

"And who did you say the donor was again?" I inquired.

"He wouldn't give his name. But apparently he has admired your work for a while? The donor's secretary said he wanted you to specifically work on the promotions for it."

I sat there as a clammy dampness overcame my body. I felt like I was going to be sick again, and this time it wasn't from the morning sickness. I fought back the bile rising in my throat and tuned out the rest of the meeting.

My brain was spinning through everything. How long had this person known me? Did I know them? Had I seen them face to face? Why Italian? Did it have something to do with Alec? Eric? Demitri? Jacob? Phil? Laurent?

The names ran through my head at light speed.

I didn't understand but I knew I needed to talk to Edward immediately.

By 6:00 when the meeting finally wrapped, I was spent from the day and overwhelmed by this new realization. Something told me it was much bigger than me, that I might be connected and be a target, but it wasn't necessarily _because_ of me. I couldn't put a finger on my suspicions, but I knew I had to hash it out with Edward.

As I walked back into my office the Begonias stared at me like a yellow caution sign from the corner of my desk.

I began to think back on all of the flowers that I got. Something was odd about it all. They were all telling of love and devotion and then more recently of warning. It was as if someone was trying to tell me something.

 _Warn me away from something? Or someone?_

Just then my breath hitched and I thought about the time they started. It was right around when I met Edward and when I saw James and Demitri and Alec.

But why would someone warn me to stay away from Edward? That didn't make any sense.

And if they were trying to tell me to stay away from James, that was over. So why keep sending the flowers?

With shaky legs and a trembling hand I stepped over to my desk and removed the card.

 _Begonia._

I sat down at my laptop and before I could think anymore I pulled up the website I always used. I drew a deep breath and closed my eyes as I scrolled down.

 _Begonia – Beware._

 _Oh God._

My pulse began beating faster and faster and I glanced around my office in a panic.

 _How? Who? What could this mean? Who the hell was doing this?_

I hurriedly stood up and shoved my laptop and papers into my bag. I was frightened and my hands were shaking as I threw on my coat and grabbed my keys. I fingered the panic button in my purse and made sure to clip it to the outside just in case.

As I stepped outside to grab a cab, my eyes were darting back and forth around me. I had an anxious feeling and a sixth sense that I was being watched. As soon as a free cab pulled up I jumped inside and he sped off for my condo building.

I sat in the back trying to get a handle on my breathing and my emotions. I knew the stress couldn't be good for the baby and I needed to calm down. I just needed to get home to Edward.

The cab pulled up to my building and I quickly exited to make my way inside. Dusk was beginning to set in as September was passing by. I hurriedly grabbed my keys as I stepped toward the door.

"Isabella?"

I froze.

I hadn't heard that voice in months and before that it had been years. I slowly turned to find a nervous and haggard looking man only a few feet behind me and I took a step only to find my back against the wall of the building. I fingered the panic button on my purse as I looked into his sad blue eyes.

"Alec…what? What are you doing here?" I asked.

He sighed and he stepped forward to put his hand on my arm, a gesture he had done so many times before. But I flinched and I saw pain run across his features as I cowered away from him.

"I just needed to talk to you…please?" He implored me. "Can we go inside?" He glanced around a bit apprehensively and I set my jaw.

"No. We cannot go inside. You can say what you need to say right here." I said with a shaky voice. I didn't know what he was doing here and I was scared.

He frowned and then rubbed his forehead. "You're mad at me." He sighed. "I understand that. I would be mad at me too. But it's not what you think…It was never what you think."

How could he say that? After all these years? After his potential involvement with all of these shady people and now he was going to show up on my doorstep. For what? An apology?

 _Fuck off asshole._

"Tell me what it was then Alec. I'm dying to know." I said sarcastically and bit bitingly as he flinched again. I should have felt bad. Usually I would, I was never a mean person. But today's realizations had me on edge and I just wanted him to get on with it.

"Bella." He became a bit more frantic and glanced up and down the street again. "If you won't let me in, will you please come have coffee with me? You aren't safe here."

"Safe? What do you know about keeping me safe?" I wanted to say it was his fault I was caught up in all this, but I bit my tongue.

"Please, you don't understand. I never wanted you to get involved…" He stopped abruptly.

"I've been trying to warn you." He said.

 _Warn me?_

Warning? Beware? Flowers.

It was _him_.

All this time it was _him._

I ran through the meanings of the flowers in my head over and over as I looked at him.

"You son-of-a-bitch." I muttered and he tensed. It all made sense. They were made out to Isabella. They meant love at first sight, and long lost love, and loving forever. What a crock of shit.

"You're the one that's been sending me flowers?" I said accusingly.

"Yes." He said dejectedly.

"Why?" I marched on.

His expression softened and he stepped forward again.

"Because, Isabella, you're not…"

"Don't call me that." I cut him off. "Don't ever call me that again."

"Please just let me explain."

I crossed my arms this time and stared him in the eye.

"Fine. You want to give me answers. Then let's hear it. I'm sure this will be pure gold."

"I was trying to tell you…how I still felt…and to stay away from…"

He exhaled and stepped closer but my back gripped the wall behind me.

"Alec, step back." I said.

"You really hate me don't you? And all this time…" He said quietly.

"All this time what Alec?"

He turned to me then, the sadness and the longing in his eyes was irrefutable.

"I never cheated on you. I could never have done that to you Is…Bella." He faltered but he looked me right in the eye as he finished.

"What are you talking about?" I snapped. What the fuck?

"I didn't cheat on you. I told you that because you were in danger…because _we_ were in danger."

My breathing was picking up and I was trying immensely to calm down. I wasn't afraid of him. But he was making me anxious and nervous and I knew it wasn't good for me. And now he's telling me this out of the blue…after eleven years. Why?

"Bella…" He sighed again. "I'm so sorry I hurt you…but I had to. I had to leave, for a lot of reasons."

"What reasons? Why can't you just be honest with me? Honest with yourself? Because you obviously weren't the first time around." I said as I shook my head.

He clenched his jaw and glanced around again. "I…can't…it's too much…you…I did it all to protect you."

"Alec. Get on with it. What were you trying to protect me from? I don't understand? Most people don't do what you did to protect someone."

I could see the tension in his jaw and I could tell my words were cutting through him. But I couldn't feel bad. He didn't mean anything to me anymore. I was long over him.

And now, I had Edward. Edward and our baby, who I loved more than anything in the world. But scars run deep and sometimes we can't help but pick at those wounds just to find out if they're healed.

"I did protect you. All I have been doing for the last eleven years, all I have been thinking about is protecting you." He whispered as his eyes bore into mine.

My breath caught in my throat at a stunning realization. I may not have seen Alec in years, but I still knew everything about him and his mannerisms.

 _He was still in love with me._

 _But how could that be possible?_

"So what? You waltz back in here after eleven years telling me all this crap and you expect me to bend over backwards for you. Well, I'm sorry, but I won't. I'm with someone else now."

"Someone else?" He said worriedly.

"Yes. Someone else. Speaking of which I need to go."

"No wait!" He exclaimed.

"Bella please. Can you please let me in, or come with me and we can discuss this?" He asked again.

I cocked an eyebrow at him and stood my ground. "No. You can either tell me here, or not tell me anywhere. The choice is yours." I said exasperatedly.

 _Why was he here?_

 _Why couldn't he just say it?_

He sighed again and looked around.

"I was involved in something…bad…Is…Bella. I didn't want you to get hurt, that's why I left."

"Then why are you back?" I asked.

"I had to come back. But I also had to see you…make amends. The night I saw you in Greenwich…." He trailed off. "It all happened all over again. Just like the first night I saw you at the gallery. I fell in love with you all over again." He stepped closer. He was only inches from me now and I could feel the desperation rolling off of him in waves.

But I didn't feel anything for him anymore. Not that way. All I felt now was sadness…sympathy and sadness.

"I can't say as it was the same for me." I responded.

His expression was pained and he reached up to tuck a hair behind my ear, but I turned my head.

"Please don't Alec. I don't feel that way about you anymore." I said quietly.

"I still love you. I never quit loving you. I've always loved you…and that's why I went away." He whispered as he looked into my eyes.

I gasped at his proclamation. But as a dark silence surrounded us with the dusk, I couldn't reiterate his statement.

"I'm sorry. But I don't." I frowned "I have questions Alec…" I posed. "Why now? Why come back now? And why send the flowers."

"Because, I'm trying to help. You're mixed up with the wrong kind of people."

I laughed darkly and his brow furrowed.

"Me. I'm mixed up with the wrong kind of people." I pointed to myself. "Why don't you look in the mirror?"

He cringed and closed his eyes.

I still didn't know why he left. Apparently he hadn't cheated, apparently it was to protect me. But from what?

I sighed.

"Alec. I need to go, so unless you have something to tell me, I think you should leave."

"Bella, please. Come with me."

"No, Alec. I'm done. I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore. I got over that when you left. I'm with someone else now and I'm having his baby and I'm thrilled about that. So please, whatever it is you want…which you can't even seem to tell me…please just leave it alone, and leave me alone."

I turned to open my door again when I felt his hand on my arm. I spun toward him and the look of desperation in his eyes was undeniable.

"You're having his baby?" He shouted in a sickening tone.

Suddenly it dawned on me what I had divulged. But what did it mean to him?

"Yes, and I'm beyond happy about it." I stated.

"Bella, you can't…Oh my God. This cannot be happening?" He closed his eyes tightly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're pregnant…with James Raven's child?" He rasped.

 _What?_

 _Fuck no._

"No!" I shouted. "Why would you?...God no. No." I shook my head adamantly.

"Then who?"

"It's none of your business." I covered quickly.

"But Bella…the reason I sent the flowers was to warn you away from him. I know he's a jealous person and I thought…"

"Right. You know him—like you know so many other _great_ people." I narrowed my eyes at him. "I appreciate your concern, but you could have just left it alone. I've been worried sick for the last few months about what it could mean…and it was just you."

"Bella…" He sighed.

"Please Alec, please just leave me alone. Go back to wherever it is you were. I'm sorry, but it's too late." I said frankly. "You're too late. I love Ed…I am in love." I covered. "More in love than I ever have been in my life. And unless you have something else to tell me, I need to go."

"You don't understand, I'm not who you think I am." He finally said.

"Oh I think I know exactly who you are. Good-bye Alec."

"Bella no!" He shouted pleadingly at me. But I ignored him.

With that I opened the door and marched inside, not taking a second to turn back. I was done with him. He couldn't seem to spit it out, but he was apparently back and still in love with me. I didn't know how that could even be possible. I didn't know why he wanted me to go with him, or why he took all the effort to send me those flowers.

All I knew was that my mind was spinning and I needed to talk to Edward immediately. The whole interaction just made me anxious and all I wanted was to be in his arms now.

I hurried toward the elevator and I stepped inside. But as I looked up, I gasped in horror.

"Well hello again… _Bella Swan.._. or will it soon be… _Bella Cullen_?"

My breath caught in my throat at his words as I looked into his dark, haunting eyes. I spun on my heels and tried to turn to run back out of the elevator, only to be met by the steel doors.

I tried to scream. I tried to grab for my panic button. But in the small confines of the elevator I had nowhere to go. And before I could do anything, I felt a hand over my mouth and cold metal pressed into my back.

"Don't say a fucking word."

I whimpered and struggled against him. But it was useless, he was much bigger than me and I knew how dangerous he was. The doors flew open and he shoved me forward into a black car and shut the door. I lay down on the seat sobbing and struggling as he tied my hands and covered my mouth with tape.

But only two thoughts ran through my head as the tears streamed down my face.

 _Edward and our baby._

 _"_ _The thought of losing you…I couldn't go on...I wouldn't go on Liefje."_

And as his words came to mind I could only pray that somehow, _someway_ he would find me.

Or it would all be over.

 *** &^%$#**

 **EPOV**

 _~Monday, September 18, 7:00 P.M.~_

 _Utter relief overcame me as I opened the door to the conference room. I couldn't wait to get back to Bella's, to tell her that I was done._

 _But just as I turned I was met by a frantic Kate at the door. Her blue eyes were wide with terror and she had a phone in her shaking hand._

 _"_ _Kate, what is it?" Garrett asked, noticing her expression._

 _"_ _Something's happened." Her voice cracked and she looked straight at me._

 _I didn't have to ask her, I didn't need her to say a word. The look in her eyes said it all to me and my heart dropped out of my chest as my whole world shattered around me._

 _It was Bella._

"What's happened?" The blood was racing through my veins and I grabbed Kate's shoulders as she shook before me.

"Kate, tell me what's going on!" I thundered this time.

"She's been taken. We just received an anonymous tip and I called McCarty immediately to check it and he said that he went to her place. There were no signs of a struggle. But when he got on the elevator he found some of her belongings."

 _No, no, this can't be happening._

 _Not Liefje. No!_

 _Oh my God._

 _No. God no!_

Pain shot from my heart throughout my entire body as I fell back against the door frame. I still had a hold of Kate's shoulders, but this time to keep myself from falling.

I felt like I was being ripped to pieces from the inside out.

It was a thousand times…no a million times worse than when I found out about Eric.

They got to her. They took her. Her and…

 _Oh God._

"Liefje." My voice cracked in desperation.

I began to hyperventilate and Garrett and Kate ushered me back into the conference room and closed the door. I slumped into the chair as my heart pounded and my breathing was raggedly leaving my chest.

"No, it's not possible she would have hit her panic button." I said shakily.

"Panic button?" Garret asked.

Kate shook her head at me as her eyes filled with tears. "McCarty found it on the floor of the elevator. She must have tried but…"

 _Oh God. Oh God no. This is not happening to me, this is not happening._

My worst fear, my greatest nightmare was coming to fruition. And all when we were so close, so close to escaping it, so close to me being there at all times to protect her.

The pain was overtaking my body. I felt like I was being stuck with a thousand needles at the same time.

 _Why now? Why did they wait until now? Now that I had absolutely everything to lose and more._

Suddenly a cold sweat formed on the back of my neck and my stomach turned forcefully.

The timing.

They had to know.

Someone had to know.

They knew about _me._

My cover was blown. It had to be. But then who was the tip, and how would they know to call the FBI?

My mind was racing with the possibilities of what this could mean. But nothing could compare to the deep-seeded terror gripping my chest.

This was all my fault. I wasn't careful enough. I never should have gone to her in the first place. This was all my fault, and now the love of my life and my unborn child were going to die for my mistakes.

I rocked in the chair and grabbed at my hair so hard I felt like I was going to pull it from the roots.

I was cursed. My head was pounding and I could taste the acid in the back of my throat.

 _Why?_

 _Why Liefje?_

I put my head in my hands, unthinking, unknowing of the violent convulsions that were wracking my body. I wanted to figure it out, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't move.

I didn't know how much time passed as I sat there. I just felt as though my heart had been ripped from my body and it was lying on the floor in front of me.

It could have been minutes, hours, before I finally lifted my head to notice that I was in the conference room alone.

I looked at the whiteboard as it turned blurry and noted the graphing on it. The lines, and colors and connections all branching out around the various figures.

But one giant figure was missing.

 _Il Leone_.

I knew whoever he was he had something to do with Bella's disappearance. She saw him. But there was still something else missing.

As I stared at the whiteboard, my eyes set on her picture, her face.

 _Had that always been there?_

A sob ripped from my body and my head was again in my hands as I mumbled incoherently.

"Mijn Zon. Why? God no. This is not possible. I can't lose you Bella. I won't go on."

Just then the door burst open and I could hear the sounds of voices and buzzing outside.

But the black boots before me were attached to a familiar pair of legs and he was huffing and puffing like he just ran a marathon.

"E. Dude. I, I don't know what to say."

McCarty slowed his breathing and I could sense the presence of someone else beside him. I was sure I was a sight at this point.

 _You wanted to break me._

 _You did it._

 _You got what you wanted Il Leone._

 _If it's you Eric. Or whoever the fuck you are._

I was still mumbling to myself when I heard McCarty tell Seth to close the door.

He was trying to get me to calm down but I couldn't. At first his tone was soft, regretful. But I didn't respond.

But then he turned gruff and I stiffened in response.

"Get up E." He commanded.

"What?" I said through bleary eyes.

"I said get up. You're not doing her any good sitting on your ass wallowing. You know as well as I do that the first 48 hours are the most important so…Get. Up." He annunciated.

"I can't." I rasped and he walked right in front of me. His eyes were dark and intense with a combination of fear and rage and sadness. But mostly I could see the fire in his eyes.

He crossed his arms and clenched his jaw as he looked at me.

"Do you love her?"

I snapped my head up, shaking out the daze. "What the fuck McCarty, you know I love her more than anything…" I choked out as my eyes burned again from the tears and seared into his.

He stared right back at me and put his hands on either side of the chair. My chest was heaving with the torrent of emotions.

"Then fucking stand up, and help me get her back E. Don't go down without a fight."

 _Don't go down without a fight._

 _But a fight against who?_

I continued to slump, but McCarty was right in my face this time.

"Cullen. I've never known you to back down…from anything. So why would you back down from this…when she needs you most." He stated frankly.

I looked into his severe expression and somewhere in the back of my mind, the rational agent stirred to life.

I loved her, more than anything, ever.

I couldn't just let them take her from me.

All the sadness and all the fear instantly gave way to a forceful, burning need.

A need to kill the motherfuckers that did this.

McCarty continued to stare at me as I clenched my jaw and my eyes and head cleared before him.

"There you are. Glad to have you back man." He said as he backed off. "Now let's go."

I stood up and took a deep breath.

"So the elevator was the point of exit?" I finally asked.

"Yeah. I think they took her out through the parking garage."

Fuck. Of course. Don't wait to get into her place, that's too risky. Which made me think the person who was there before was only scoping out the premises.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I need to focus. I needed to do this.

I could do this…for her.

I _had_ to do this…for her, for _them_.

Pain shot through my chest and I pressed on it hard as McCarty watched me.

"What's wrong?" He looked at my hand and I fisted my shirt.

"She's pregnant Em." I said quietly. He sighed and dropped his shoulders.

"I know." His answer stopped me in my tracks as my rationality was starting to finally return.

"What?"

"I said I know. Rose called me."

"But how does Rose know?" I said suspiciously.

"She said she talked to her today, after her appointment."

"Talked to her…where? On the phone?" I was quickly thinking through everything now. I got the text from her at 2:00. I was putting together a timeline in my head. McCarty was right, the first 48 hours were crucial. I didn't know what they wanted with her or if she was even still alive.

 _But I couldn't think of that. God, I couldn't think of that._

But I did know that if they wanted her dead they could have done it in a thousand different ways. I was the expert on that afterall. So that meant they took her for another reason.

Leverage? A bargaining chip?

Against me?

 _If they knew about me and they knew about the baby…_

I wasn't sure but my mind was cataloguing all the possibilities.

"On the phone." He finally answered.

"What time did she talk to her?"

"Around 2:00." I nodded as I mulled it over. That meant something, it had to. Everything did.

"Did she say where she was?"

"She thought she was back at the office."

"But you found her things in the elevator right?" I asked as I continued to think it through.

"Yeah."

Suddenly it dawned on me. "So that means, whoever took her, knew exactly when she was going to be home. Exactly when to get in the elevator."

"But her place isn't bugged, and unless they tapped into our building's camera or had a tip."

"But they might have known when she left her office."

We both looked at each other and finally Seth piped up.

"We've never checked her office for bugs." He said soberly.

It didn't take much after that for the three of us to be out the conference room door in a flash and down the hall. I could already see a swarm of people working on the disappearance. I saw Kate fluttering around talking on the phone and she shot me a sad look.

But I was in agent mode now. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. McCarty was right. I had to do everything in my power to get her back. And I would.

 _And I would die trying if I had to._

The three of us raced up the stairs to the weapons center. We loaded up with new Glocks, vests, knives and radios and equipment to check her office. Garrett came in and informed us that a protective detail had been put on my parents, sister and Jasper as well as Rosalie. They were all taken to the Hamptons house so that they would be in one place. More agents were going to be checking Bella's condo as well as visiting Phil and Renee Dwyer. Her father had been called and was on his way in from Brooklyn.

After getting up to speed, we had the keys to a black Tahoe and we were out the door.

We were no longer undercover. Somehow we all inherently knew our cover was blown.

And even if it wasn't, it didn't matter anymore to any of us. Bella was my love, my everything. But I knew she was also like a sister to Seth and a best friend to Emmett. I knew they would stand beside me and do anything to get her back.

As we sped through the streets of New York for the Met, the black of night had blanketed the City. I tried to keep the demons at bay. I tried to focus on the facts and issues before us. But every minute a flash of something would stop my breathing.

The first time I saw her. In the sunlight outside Gray's and the first time I touched her, when I felt like my body had been electrocuted as we collided…

 _She humpfed._

 _I gasped._

 _Holy shit._

 _It was like an explosion occurred, I grabbed her arms to keep her from falling and at the same time a scorching sensation shot through my fingertips and throughout my entire body. I was on fire, like I was combusting from the inside out._

 _Seriously, what the fuck is happening to me?_

 _Then she lifted her head up and it was like all time stopped. I wasn't at Gray's, I wasn't in New York, I wasn't undercover, I wasn't anything…but me. Holding this woman's arm as her stunning brown eyes seared into me. All I could feel, all I could sense was warmth and coffee and vanilla and cinnamon. I couldn't decide if it was her smell, her touch or the blistering look in her eyes, but I felt as though my hand was welded to her arm. I couldn't let go if I wanted to._

Seeing her at the Met. The way she walked amongst the statues of Gods. Hearing her voice and smelling her sweet scent…

 _"Remarkable is the perfect word for it." She said quietly, but her eyes remained upon the statue._

 _"Hmmm." I gave my pondering aloud._

 _"I would venture to say there are more beautiful things in this room however." It was so quiet I couldn't tell if I only thought it or if I said it._

 _"So if it's not the Apollo…the Aphrodite perhaps?"_

 _Aphrodite. Indeed. You are._

I could hear her voice in my head from the first time I kissed her and the first time I felt her silky hair in my hands…

 _"_ _Bella…I feel very…protective of you." I could feel her pulse quicken under my hands as I realized I had both of my hands on her shoulders now._

 _She was so close I could smell the sweet scent in her shampoo, and I could feel her chest rising and falling. Ever so slowly I ran my hand up the side of her neck and into her hair. She tipped her head and closed her eyes and her breath hitched. I pulled on her hair and it came spilling out of the bun. My senses were assaulted with berries and vanilla and cinnamon. I ran my fingers through her wet tendrils and felt the softness of her hair and desire coursed through me. I watched as they dropped and the waves formed around her shoulders._

 _"_ _Bella." I said thickly._

 _"_ _Edward." She whispered._

I thought of the first time I made love to her, even if it was hot and passionate and against the wall. We came together with fire and desperation and pure wanton need. I loved her already then.

And then I thought of Saturday, when I found out she was carrying my child. I could see her beneath me and feel her warmth around me in our cavern as I worshipped her…

 _"_ _I love you Edward. My Apollo." She sighed as I filled her and she filled me even more completely._

 _"_ _Ik hou van je, Bella. De moeder van mijn kind._ _"_ _I whispered in her ear as I began to move, overcome with the feelings coursing through my body_

 _"_ _I love you forever. You're everything to me Liefje. Everything. You and our baby." ..._

I snapped out of my memories and pushed at my chest again, trying to will away the gaping hole that had formed there. I looked out the window seeing the Met through the glass and the Tahoe came to a screeching halt.

Without a word, the three of us jumped out of the vehicle and marched into security. Luckily I had my badge on me because I had gone into the Bureau today. The guards didn't give us much fight as we ran back to her office.

McCarty pulled out a sensor and I was once again assaulted with the memory of the night of the fundraiser. The chair, the books falling from the shelf, the picture thumping against the wall. I had to bring my mind back to the present as I looked around. I forced my brain to pull up the memories of that night for different reasons now.

 _What was out of place? What was different?_

I immediately noticed the flowers on her desk and strode over to them. But I didn't see the cards. Bella told me she had kept the cards and I rifled through her desk until I found the stack.

 _Begonia- Beware- September 18._

My stomach rolled at the sight.

Whoever was sending her these was trying to tell her something? Was trying to say that she was in trouble and that…he still loved her.

All of a sudden it dawned on me.

Alec Masen.

It wasn't Demitri or James or Jacob.

It made perfect sense. The timing of when it started, from the conversations I saw Alec have with the various players and his reluctance to be involved, it all seemed plausible. I recounted Bella's dreams in my head. Maybe he left because he was protecting her. Maybe he _knew_ how she was connected, what that final piece was.

I mulled it over in my head as I stuck the stack of cards in my pocket. I would take them back and have the analysts run them for prints.

My eyes scanned the rest of the room then. I was comparing it to the memory in my head from the night I was there. Suddenly, I settled on a strange glass bowl. It was out of place and on the side table by the shelves. It didn't look like Bella at all or fit with the rest of the office. I walked over and picked it up.

"McCarty." I motioned to him and he scanned over it. The sensor went off and we all looked at it.

I turned it in the light and noticed that in the bottom, settled under what looked like a simple sticker was a tiny silver disk.

A bug.

 _Shit. How long had that been here?_

 _Since the night of the fundraiser? Longer?_

 _Oh fuck._

"Is there anything marking it? Where did it come from?" I flipped it over and looked at it. It looked like crystal, but with a closer eye, it obviously wasn't.

"Is there an inscription?" Seth asked.

We searched it over, but didn't find anything. We finally finished sweeping the rest of her office and it was clean. We took the bowl to have it inspected at the Bureau and left Bella's office. I took a moment to look around and breathe in her scent. It clung to the atmosphere and her office absolutely screamed of her. It made my chest tighten once again.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up. McCarty gave me a nod and with one last look around we left.

As we climbed back in the Tahoe, my mind was spinning through what this could mean. How long had they been bugging her? Where did it come from?

Was this how they found out about me? Did this have something to do with me?

Was it because of Eric? The FBI? Something else?

All I knew was that I was getting more and more nervous as the minutes passed. I was starting to worry that she might never have been such a big target if she hadn't gotten involved with me.

The thought made my heart plummet.

 _Oh Mijn Zon, where are you?_

I was pulled from my depths by the crackling of the radio.

"McCarty. This is Headquarters over."

Emmett looked at the radio and instantly picked it up. "This is McCarty."

"McCarty, this is Garrett. NYPD just confirmed one Alec Masen, DOA at New York Presbyterian. Over."

 _Alec Masen was dead?_

 _What the fuck?_

I grabbed the radio from Emmett and he shot me a look.

"Garrett this is Cullen. Where did NYPD pull him in from? Over."

"Cullen…" I heard him pause on the other end of the line. "An alley off of West 97th."

 _Fuck!_

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. It was only two blocks from Bella's.

So was he in on it? Or was he there to help her for some reason? Or did they take him out because he knew too much as well.

My instincts were screaming at me that he was the one sending the flowers and somehow he was trying to warn her.

But of what? Did he know what was going to happen today?

"Garrett we need the surveillance video from her building right away. Over."

"That's confirmed Cullen. Over."

"We're on our way in. But I want a definite confirm of the decedent…pictures of Masen. I need to make sure its him. Over."

"You got it."

Garrett ended the call and I looked at McCarty. We both knew that until you saw someone's face it didn't mean shit undercover. Hell I had been "killed" twice already on different missions. This could be a diversion. If Masen had her then they might be trying to lead us astray.

But for some reason I didn't think that was the case. The three of us hashed through all of the new information and tried to piece it together as we sped through the streets of New York. The City didn't seem like home at the moment, it seemed foreign and ominous, as if I had been transported to another place or another time.

I was angry at myself for not figuring out more of the connections sooner and scared to death of what they could be doing to her. But I just kept pushing it to back of my mind.

 _Stay the course._

 _We'll find her._

 _We have to._

McCarty rounded the corner and pulled into the headquarters once again. I looked across the parking garage at sight before me. There were two agents hauling in a very smug-looking James Raven.

At once, my worry and my fear wasn't the only emotion coursing through my brain. Now I was filled with anger. And it was all directed at the man before me.

In a flash, I was out of the Tahoe and took off in a dead sprint across the parking garage.

The two agents next to him turned as they heard my approach. But I was too fast and they were too late as I grabbed him by his suit lapels and launched him into the brick wall of the garage.

"You fucking prick! What the fuck have you done with her?"

He stared down at me and gave me a sinister smile. But before I could wipe the smile off his face—permanently—I felt two strong arms pulling me back.

"E. Calm down."

I didn't fight him, because I knew McCarty was strong as hell, but my eyes burned through Raven with everything I had in me.

He stood up and straightened his suit out and turned to the agents.

"Gentlemen. As I was saying, I believe we can resolve this amicably." He put on his pompous face and I almost escaped Emmett's grip again but he locked my arms at my side.

The agents escorted him in and I could feel the fury and the rage whipping through me as I breathed fire out of my nose.

Finally he loosened me and I began pacing in front of the door.

I had to get a grip. I was no use to her if I didn't settle down.

But I couldn't. My emotions were everywhere. She was my lover, my best friend, my everything and I was lost without her.

I stopped pacing and looked up to see a man standing there looking at the three of us. He was quiet but, as I looked into his eyes and took in his features, I would recognize him anywhere.

Just then, Seth's eyes followed my gaze and widened. He cleared his throat and walked over and offered his hand.

"Charlie. It's good to see you...unfortunately it's under these circumstances."

Captain Swan shook Seth's hand but his gaze was still settled on me. I didn't know how much of the interaction he had seen, but his face appeared as though he was putting it together rather quickly.

Seth turned and gestured toward us.

"Charlie. This is Agent Emmett McCarty and Agent Edward Cullen."

Emmett shook his hand and I finally blew out a breath and stepped over. This wasn't how I imagined meeting Bella's father and I couldn't help the feeling of guilt that riddled me in the moment.

"Captain Swan." I offered my hand and he furrowed his brow at my designation.

"Cullen."

We shook firmly and finally he turned to Seth again.

"Seth. What's going on?"

"Why don't we go inside Charlie?"

The Captain crossed his arms and gave Seth a stare that I could only assume was his signature move. It was penetrating, and it said that we were going to tell him what the hell was going on _now_.

Seth blew out a breath and slowly informed him of the situation. The Captain's eyes widened and his jaw clenched. I saw him gripping his forearms as he was locked in place. I could tell he wasn't an emotional person. He had a calm demeanor so much like Bella. But just like her his eyes gave him away.

I could read the fear, anger, sadness, disgust and terror in them. I was sure mine read the same. She was his daughter, probably still his little girl in many ways, and my stomach was convulsing once again as he glanced to me and back at Seth.

"How the hell did this happen? Why?" He finally said through gritted teeth.

"That's what we're trying to figure out Charlie. Somehow, or for some reason, she has a lot of connections to people. Some people who are into some very bad things. Unfortunately one of which is Jacob…"

"You knew about that?" The Captain said.

"Yeah." Seth looked at him quizzically as if to say the same thing. Then he glanced around and realized we were still in the parking lot. "Charlie, we really should go inside and we can fill you in on everything in there."

He nodded and I let them lead the way as I followed behind. McCarty stayed behind me, watching me like a hawk, probably waiting for me to snap.

He was right. I was on the brink of insanity.

As we led Charlie to the conference room, I saw him give Kate a hug and greet Morgan. But I stepped down the hall and away from the situation for a bit. I would let Clearwater fill him in. He had known the man his whole life and I had never met him.

At the moment I couldn't comprehend spilling my guts to him about how much I loved his daughter, and the fact that we were having a baby.

 _Would be having a baby._ I had to correct myself.

Somehow I ended up in front of a room with a little white sign.

 _Interrogation Room #3_

I looked inside to see Raven sitting with the two agents. He was smiling and acting smug and I once again wanted to wipe the shit-eating grin off of his face.

 _Oh if you thought you were hurting last time…_

I stepped into the adjoining room to watch through the one-way glass and listen to the conversation.

"Mr. Raven. What was your involvement with the subject."

 _Subject. They didn't even call her victim or say her name._

"She was my girlfriend. We dated for a while. Nothing special." He stated. But his eyes flashed with something _I_ could read a mile away.

 _Jealousy. A lover scorned._

My fists clenched at my sides as I stepped closer to the glass.

"How long were you together?"

"Only a few months…I ended it." He said quickly.

 _Liar._

"Why?"

"I had my reasons." He smirked.

 _Fucker._

I could feel my pulse racing as they asked him more questions. I wanted to beat his head into the wall. I knew that he knew something. He may still be jealous about her but he was assigned to her in some way. I could feel it.

Twenty minutes passed as I watched the arrogant bastard lie to the agents over and over again.

Suddenly they got up to leave and with the draw of a moth to a flame I watched him through the glass.

He was smiling to himself.

She was missing and he was smiling to himself.

At once the insanity took over. I walked out of the room and looked up and down the hallway as I stepped into Interrogation Room #3.

I closed the door behind me, careful to lock it. I wanted him to know he was alone. Alone with a killer who could have him out in three seconds flat.

"What the fuck are _you_ doing in here? He spat.

 _Apparently he didn't pay much attention at the club._

 _Or today had already taken its toll on me._

I turned and gave him a dark stare as I repeated a line from not so long ago.

"Perfecting your worst nightmare…if you don't start talking and telling the truth." I added. I crossed my arms and stared at him with a piercing gaze.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You agents are all so dramatic. Is that something they teach you at the academy?"

I walked over and bent down to put my hands on the table. I looked right into his eyes as I set my jaw.

"Who says I'm an agent? Don't you recognize me? You should. I know _you_ …James Joseph Raven. Born December 3, 1977. Blonde hair, blue eyes. 5'11, 175 lbs." I continued to spew out fact after fact of his life story as I breathed out through my nose and stared right through him.

He tried to maintain a front, but the haughtiness left his body as his eyes danced around at my knowledge. I just continued.

"Works for Foster & Wheaton, known law firm to criminal organizations including the Volturi and the Draconi crime families. Not married, no children."

"You were assigned to B…to Ms. Swan." I stated.

"Of course I was." I squeezed my fist.

"Why were you assigned to her? What was it she had?" I asked.

"What didn't she have?" He leered then and I bristled. "It was one of the perks."

 _Oh you motherfucker._

It took everything in me to refrain from leaping across the table and wringing his neck. But I stood my ground and bore my eyes into his.

"Who sent you to her? Because I know it was a set up, you didn't just randomly meet at some bar in Greenwich like she thought?" I blared.

"How do you know that?" He said quickly.

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?"

I clenched my jaw and tried to calm my breathing. I needed another tactic.

"Pssh. You don't know anything."

"Oh I'll know." I stepped back and turned. I made the Glock which was tucked into my back visible and I could see him stiffen in the mirror. "I'll know everything by the time I'm done with you…and I don't care what I have to do to get you to tell me. But you will talk. Of that I am sure."

I bent down and slipped up my jean leg as I pulled out my knife.

"Ha. You think you can break me. Try it. I'm not saying a word. I want my lawyer."

"I am a lawyer." I responded and he tensed.

I flipped the knife over in my hand and stared at the engraving. "You know. I picked this little piece up in Spain. A good friend of mine knew a guy." I rolled the knife over, showing off the blade. I swept it right in front of his face as I saw his eyes widen.

I turned around and continued. "Did you know the handle is hand-made. It has exceptional balance and sharpness. One of the sharpest knives in the world. You know it's perfect for hunting because it can cut through flesh so easily..." I trailed off and I heard him intake a breath.

I turned back to him then as I ran my finger along it.

"What do you want?" He asked then.

"I want to know who told you to date her."

He rolled his eyes. "You think you're scare tactics are going to work on me?"

I ignored him and persisted. I could tell the knife unnerved him and he was covering it up.

"I know someone did. I know that you work with her step-father and you run the legal matters for the Dracs. So was it them? Or was it someone else who sent you?"

I watched him intently as I said each piece. Often times it wasn't in what a suspect _said_ that mattered but in what he _didn't_ say. I could see his eyes widen on my last part and I knew I was right.

 _It wasn't the Dracs. It was Il Leone._

"It was Il Leone wasn't it." I stated and his eyes widened again.

I pushed my sleeves up, displaying my now rather prominent biceps and put my hands on the table again.

Suddenly his eyes flashed with something and I followed his gaze down to my arm. It was focused right on the scar of my cut, the one he left me the night I beat the shit out of him outside Bella's.

"You." He snarled as his face took on a look of fury.

"Me." I said darkly. "Oh you finally recognize me from the club do you? Too coked up all the time to pay attention?" I spat.

"You were the one fucking her." He fumed.

I seized the table with my fingers to keep from throwing it to the side and tearing him to pieces.

 _Oh yes, scorned._

"I hope you liked my sloppy seconds." He added then.

And my last grip on sanity vaporized into thin air.

I launched across the table at him and knocked him out of his chair. In seconds his back was against the wall and I had my forearm under his chin.

"You fucking disgusting pig! You were nothing to her! Nothing!" I seethed.

He was struggling under my hold as the door burst open and Seth and Emmett ran in.

"Cullen!" McCarty yelled and pulled me off of him again.

Raven coughed and sputtered, but I saw something dash across his face.

"You're fucking clueless." He said to me then.

 _What?_

"You don't know anything do you?" He laughed wryly. " _Cullen_."

 _How could he be fucking laughing?_

"You son-of-a-bitch!" I roared.

"You and you're brother. You both thought you were so smart. You don't know shit. They don't just let anyone get near _her._ She's too precious. That's why they sent me." He mocked me.

 _My brother?_

 _How the fuck does he know my brother?_

 _Too precious?_

 _What the hell?_

My mind was racing with thoughts of what he could mean and I was pressing against Emmett.

Finally he released me, but Seth stood between me and Raven. I tore out of the interrogation room. Once again, I instantly began pacing in the hallway and running my hands through my hair.

 _They?_

 _Who they?_

 _Precious._

 _My brother?_

 _What the fuck? What the hell does that mean?_

 _How does he know about my brother?_

 _What did it mean when he said_ my _name?_

"Goddamnit!" I smacked my hand against the wall, frustrated as all hell.

I wanted to rip him to shreds and at the same time make him spill his guts to me.

 _God no, please no. What have they done with her?_

I was pacing up and down the hall, burning a hole in the tile when I heard a foot steps behind me.

"Agent Cullen."

I stopped and turned to the man before me. As I looked into his eyes I noticed the same hue of espresso of Bella's. They were dark and rich. But right now his were tinted with sadness and a need.

A need to _know._

"Captain Swan."

He scratched the back of his neck as he sighed and sat down on a bench in the hallway. He motioned for me to join him and I hesitated for a second until he shot me a stern glare.

I tried to steady my breathing as I looked at him.

 _Must not piss off the future father-in-law._

I sat immediately, even though I was so amped up on adrenaline, fear and apprehension that I was bouncing my knee madly.

"I know something is going on between you and my daughter." He stated.

My knee stopped as my breath left my lungs.

 _Fuck._

Finally, I turned to look at him.

"Are you going to level with me and tell me what it is?" He quirked his eyebrow at me and I stiffened.

Shit. He must have been watching the interrogation as well. And I was already beating myself up over the fact that _I_ could be the reason she was taken. But I couldn't lie to him. As much as I was dying inside I was sure this was killing him too.

I took a deep breath before I began.

"We've been seeing each other for about four months."

"While you were undercover?"

I nodded.

He sighed and I cringed.

"I had a feeling she was seeing someone. I haven't seen her much the last few months. So I knew it must be serious." He grumbled.

"I never meant to put her in danger. I just…" I said quickly.

 _Couldn't stay away from her, was drawn to her like gravity, every touch set my body on fire, she lit up my world, she's my whole life and I can't live without her. If I don't get her back then nothing else will matter._

Yeah. Probably better not say that.

 _Baby steps._

 _Baby._

My heart clenched at that thought.

"She pulled me in...we…had a lot in common." I said thickly.

He bent over and put his elbows on his knees and looked straight ahead as he exhaled again. His eyes focused on an unknown spot on the wall as I felt him become resolute next to me.

"Cut the bullshit Cullen. Nobody reacts the way you did with _that_ bastard because you have a lot in common with someone." He said without looking at me.

 _Well, the Captain gets right to the point._

 _Like father, like daughter._

It was…refreshing. Yet, it reminded me so much of her. A pain instantly shot through my chest, the gaping hole widening. Everything she had healed in me seemed to be splitting apart again.

So I decided to level with him. I swallowed when I he realized what he probably saw as I was interrogating Raven. Nonetheless I forged ahead.

"I love her." I whispered. "I can't live without her. I can't… _breathe_ without her. She's…everything to me." I said as I dropped my head into my hands.

"I suspected that." He sighed.

I hesitated for a moment, trying to decide if I should tell him our news. At last I exhaled loudly and just said it.

"She's pregnant." I whispered.

I saw him clench his fist and I realized he might try to hit me. I really didn't want to have to defend myself against him because I knew I would win, and he was Bella's father.

Instead, I let him cool his senses for a minute as he released his fist.

Finally he crossed his arms still staring at the wall.

"Start talking." He commanded. I nodded and cleared my throat as I began.

I went on to explain how we met…without _all_ the details of course. I told him about her and Raven's past relationship, how I saved her from him…twice. He clenched his jaw and I saw his body tense like he wanted to get up and go in there and beat the shit out of Raven himself.

 _I'll join you._

He nodded when I explained that I tried to stay away from her, that I knew I shouldn't be near her. But she didn't want me to and I…couldn't. I told him how we really did have a lot in common and how she was friends with my sister and Jasper. I told him about my brother and I could see his expression soften as I mentioned her helping me with my issues over Eric.

Then I relayed all the connections to our investigation and he filled me in on what he had found out about Jacob. He said he had been investigating Jacob's involvement with a crime ring for a while, but didn't have quite enough evidence to do anything with it yet. He confirmed that he thought Jacob got tied into it by Phil Dwyer.

It wasn't lost on me the way he grit his teeth when he mentioned his ex-wife and Dwyer. They really did have bad blood between them. And when I told him about all the pieces McCarty and Clearwater and I had started to put together, all the people, he tensed. I even mentioned the links to Alec, Demitri, the Draconi, and the random Volturi men that seemed to show up recently.

I probably shouldn't have told him everything. But as an agent, in the field, you learn to trust your gut instinct. And everything in me told me that he was on the level. He was one of the good guys.

So when suddenly his breathing stopped and he turned to look right at me, I paid attention. A horror stricken look took over his face as I finished telling him about the take down of the Volturis and the newer Draconi organization.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Did you say Volturi?" He rasped.

"Yeah." I answered perplexed.

"Fuck." He muttered.

I tensed. The Captain seemed like a pretty even keel guy so far, considering the situation. But once he jumped up, suddenly very agitated, I knew something was wrong.

"Do you have a private conference room?"

I looked at him strangely. "Yeah why?"

"I need to tell you something…something _highly_ confidential."

"Okay…"

 _What could he possibly want to tell me?_

As I lead him back to the war room where everything was posted up, McCarty and Clearwater eyed us as we stepped in. My mind was running with questions. I was still in a daze, caught between shock and terror. I felt like I should be doing _something_ more. But what?

Nonetheless, I had a feeling that what he was going to tell me was important. It was something that could break this wide open. And it scared me to death at the same time.

The door clicked behind us as I looked at the Captain's face. He was paler than before and now _he_ was the one pacing.

"Captain?"

He looked at the picture of Bella on the board and his eyes softened in sadness. He reached out to touch it hesitantly and then covered his mouth as he took a deep breath.

As he released it I could feel the stillness in the room. It was as if a blanket of apprehension washed over us.

"Did Bella ever mention her grandmother?"

 _What a strange question._

"Lucy…Luciana? Yes. Why?" I shook my head.

 _What does this have to do with anything?_

He turned to look at me then, a fearful and ghastly look in his eyes.

"Let me tell you about Luciana Rinaldi Swan or should I say… _Liona Volturi_."

*&^%$#

 _~Tuesday, September 19, 2:00 A.M. Seven Hours Missing~_

Luciana Rinaldi Swan was Liona Volturi.

Volturi.

 _As in…Aro Volturi._

As in Aro Volturi's long lost _wife._

 _How did I not know about this?_

 _How could the Bureau not have mentioned this?_

 _How could they keep something like this a secret from us when we were in the field?_

 _Or was it a secret?_

It didn't make any sense.

My fears and suspicions were running deeper and deeper as it all settled in.

I recalled everything that Charlie, as he insisted I call him, just told me. I was stunned and stupefied. I couldn't believe it. All this time. It ran so much farther up and further back than I ever suspected.

And it explained why they hadn't killed her yet. It explained the Volturi men connected to the organization.

 _I shuddered at the thought._

But something was amiss. Aro Volturi was in jail. So either he was working with someone, or he was running things from the inside. I just couldn't accept the fact that he was Il Leone, or at least alone. It seemed too easy now, with everything I found out. And how did my brother fit into all of this. I was starting to think this was one really fucked up situation and I was missing a big piece of the puzzle.

For the first time in my life, I felt like the FBI knew something and they weren't telling us.

I kept running through our conversation over and over in my head as I paced about the conference room and thought through the potential links.

 _"_ _Let me tell you about Luciana Rinaldi Swan or should I say…Liona Volturi."_

 _Holy fuck._

 _My head snapped up as I blinked in question._

 _"_ _Volturi…as in…Aro Volturi."_

 _"_ _The one and only." Captain Swan said darkly._

 _He turned back to the board and my brain was screaming questions so fast I couldn't discern any of it. But somehow I forced it away and just listened to him._

 _"_ _My mother…was the sweetest, hardest working woman I've ever met. She didn't have an easy childhood, far from it. She grew up in war torn Italy and emigrated to the U.S. as a teenager. But she never would have been able to come if it weren't for the arrangement."_

 _"_ _Arrangement?" I asked quizzically._

 _"_ _Yes. She had an arranged marriage with a man from a very prominent family."_

 _Aro Volturi._

 _"_ _Do you know much about him?" The Captain asked then._

 _"_ _Yes. I worked on the mission to put him in jail." I said frankly. His eyes flashed with something and he clenched his jaw and closed his eyes._

 _"_ _I was afraid that might be the case." He reopened them and before I could ask a question he started again._

 _"_ _My mother, Luciana, or Liona as she was raised, was a very beautiful woman. At the time she came over, her 'fiance' was a bit older than her and lived in Philadelphia._

 _This made sense Aro Volturi always ran things out of Philly. That's where I was stationed for my mission._

 _"_ _But he wasn't from there. In fact, he grew up in New York."_

 _"_ _New York?" I asked. I never knew this. Suddenly and eerie feeling was creeping into my system. This was all connected. The Captain knew something that tied this all together. I held my breath as he continued._

 _"_ _Yes. In fact, my mother said he was friends with some very well known and influential people. It was how he didn't get caught for so long. He knew all the right people. Even up until she died, she followed everything."_

 _"_ _I don't understand, so she was married to him. But what happened?"_

 _"_ _That's where the issue really is isn't it." He said soberly._

 _Then the Captain sat down and spilled it all. The entire torrid story and I listened in utter amazement._

 _"_ _When she arrived in the U.S. she was instantly swept into this lavish lifestyle. She was wined and dined and swept away by her new fiancé, Aro. He was in love with her from first sight. She was a very beautiful woman…Bella looks extraordinarily like her. It's almost astonishing." He said quietly and my heart ached at thinking about it._

 _I could only imagine if she looked like Bella…_

 _"_ _Aro was...obsessive with her. He would never let anyone near her. He kept her away from anyone and everyone and to himself. Once they married she started to suspect his involvement with the underworld. She could only speak broken English, but she was very bright and she knew that she married into a very dangerous and powerful family."_

 _He bent forward in the chair and closed his eyes as moved through the next part._

 _"_ _Of course when she would question him about his involvement, she would be met with only the back of his hand…or worse." He swallowed. "She was stuck. Her entire family was in Italy. Her entire new family was mafia and she had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn. She knew she had to find a way out. Not only that, they were married for a few years and she had yet to provide him with a child."_

 _He opened his eyes then and looked at me. "That's where things get…interesting." He sighed._

 _By now I was hanging on his every word and my mind was racing._

 _"_ _She somehow got in contact with an agent." He smiled lightly and I wondered what that meant._

 _"_ _He was investigating the family in connection with a murder. She knew about it because she overheard Aro talking to one of his brothers. So she saw it as her opportunity, her bargaining chip….She offered information in return for them to put her in witness protection, to get her away from Aro. It was her only way out."_

 _Holy shit._

 _"_ _What did they do? How…how did he not find out?"_

 _"_ _They faked her death." He blew out a breath. "They sent a car careening off of the turnpike into a fiery blaze. No body was found because it was too badly charred…that kind of thing."_

 _I nodded. I had executed only too many jobs like that._

 _"_ _She had been Liona Volturi, wife of one of the most notorious mobsters of the twentieth century, so the entire thing was quite a spectacle. But it was highly confidential within the FBI."_

 _Son-of-a-bitch. They_ did _know._

 _McCarty assigned to her. Her connections to Raven. All of it. I was instantly furious, but I had to know more. I_ knew _there was more._

 _"_ _How do you know about all of this?" I asked then. And does Bella know? I thought._

 _"_ _My mother told me…and Brad…only a few days before she died. She told us because she was so thankful to my father that she was able to live a good life, to have me, to have my brother and Brad and Bella. She and Bella were very close and she wanted us to protect her."_

 _I swallowed thickly, the lump in my throat aching. But before I could ask my burning question he beat me to it._

 _"_ _No. Bella doesn't know. My mother wanted it to end with her. She never wanted to put any of us at risk, that's why she waited to tell Brad and me for so long."_

 _Bella doesn't know. But a sickening feeling struck me then._

 _Aro must know. But how?_

 _And why would he care about Liona's granddaughter unless…_

 _My eyes shot to the Captain's and he had a dark look on his face._

 _"_ _What you're thinking is true?"_

 _Oh fuck._

 _The air whooshed out of me as the Captain pursued on._

 _"_ _She made her escape. But the agent that she met refused to let her go alone. She was never in love with Aro. She was forced into the marriage, but she was in love with my father…"_

 _"_ _You're father was the agent…from Philadelphia." I said matter-of-factly._

 _"_ _Yes. Talk about a torrid affair." He laughed wryly. "My father, Patrick Swan, would have done anything for her. She changed her name to Luciana Rinaldi, because she said she was finally away from Aro and she had seen the light. She was free."_

 _Luciana meant light in Italian. How fitting._

 _But then I thought of something- Liona meant Lionness in Italian._

 _Could that matter?_

 _But before I could ponder it further he was talking._

 _"_ _She was already pregnant when she and my father moved to Brooklyn and married. But she was in witness protection and was a completely different person. She was then Luciana or Lucy Swan and they just told everyone they had been married for a few years and made up a story for how they met. She stuck to it to the end." He sighed again and looked down._

 _"_ _Only a few months after they married, I was born." He looked at me intently then._

 _"_ _Captain?"_

 _"_ _Charlie…" He stated affirmatively. "I think you know we're going to be related some day…or at least we better be." He gave me a steely glare and I nodded and swallowed._

 _"_ _Yes." I said firmly. "We will be."_

 _But back to my question._

 _"_ _Charlie. Are you trying to tell me that you're actually Aro Volturi's son?"_

 _His eyes flashed with something. "I will never be his son. I might carry his blood, but I'm not his son. I'm a Swan, through and through." He said fiercely._

 _I nodded._

 _Holy shit this was a total mind-fuck._

 _Holy shit, Bella is Aro Volturi's granddaughter, which makes our baby…_

 _"_ _Oh my God." I groaned and dropped my head to my hands._

 _"_ _I know." He said quietly."I never wanted Bella to know. And the only reason my mother told Brad and I was to protect us. She told us that if anything suspicious happened what to look for. She wanted me to know so that I could protect her." He looked down then as I contemplated something._

 _"_ _How was it that they never found her?" I asked as I was trembling. If a man like Aro was that intent on a woman…I shook my head thinking at what he could have done to her._

 _God, she was so brave for escaping._

 _"_ _Do you know how my father died?" He asked then and I nodded._

 _"_ _Car accident right?"_

 _"_ _My mother was rather sure that it wasn't an accident. She thinks that somehow, someone found out about it and my father died protecting her. She thinks he died to keep her safe. To keep her secret safe. To keep us safe."_

 _I looked him square in the eye then, confirming without any words that I would do the same thing. In a heartbeat. Without question._

 _A deadly silence fell over the conference room and I could barely detect our breathing. My mind was racing with questions and connections and affirmations._

 _"_ _I guess now it's our turn." He stated. And all I could do was set my jaw and nod in agreement._

I pulled myself from my memory as I looked around the now busy conference room that had been turned into a war room. I was sure of one thing and one thing only: I was going to find her or die trying.

Too many people had done too much to this point.

I had to figure this out. I had all the information in front of me. I just had to keep putting it together.

It all made so much sense. But who connected Aro to Alec Masen, my brother, the Draconis, all of it. I was positive it was Il Leone, whoever that may be. Or maybe Aro had a partner. Maybe there were two of them.

 _A picture kept coming to mind._

But the one thing that kept creeping into me like an infection was the lack of information from the FBI.

The FBI knew something and they kept it from us…from _me_.

But why?

Just then, as if moving in a mist or through a fog, a man appeared in the doorway and the room fell completely silent.

"Cullen." My eyes widened at the sight.

"Director Fortnight? What are you doing here?" I was confounded by his appearance.

His grey eyes and white hair shone in the fluorescent light as he stood there and stared at me. He had a hold of something in his hand and I couldn't take my eyes off him to look at it.

"It seems you've been busy."

 _No, the love of my life has just disappeared, but I'm fucking relaxing._

Then he walked over to me and threw a file down on the table.

"Can we have some privacy please?" He said to the room, and everyone left. He was the Director, they didn't need another word.

It was then I glanced down at the file before me and the Earth moved around me. Everything stilled, completely stilled, except for the absolute battle pounding away in my chest.

"Cullen. I think it's about time we chat."

 **XXXX**


	24. Chapter 24: The Agent

**Chapter 24: The Agent**

 ** _House of the Rising Sun by the Animals_**

 **~Bella Swan~**

 _~September 19, 3:00 A.M. Eight Hours Missing~_

 _"_ _Liefje, have I ever told you how much I love your skin. It's so soft." His nose tickled my abdomen and I instantly began giggling and squirming._

 _"_ _Stop that." I said through my laughter. We were laying in bed as the light streamed through the window on bright, sunny Sunday afternoon._

 _"_ _Stop what?" He smiled and nudged at my naked stomach further._

 _I laughed loudly this time as his hands held me in place and he rubbed his thumbs along my exposed skin._

 _"_ _That. I'm ticklish."_

 _"_ _What here?" He ran his nose over my now flat belly button and I giggled again._

 _"_ _Yes…yes." I was gasping for breath as his fingers were digging in my sides._

 _"_ _Mmmm. I never knew you were so ticklish, this is a definite advantage." He smiled into my skin._

 _"_ _As if you need an advantage." I joked as I ran my fingers through his hair. But my voice softened with my words. He insisted we lie in bed and watch a movie and as soon as we were there he pulled my shirt up and put his head on my stomach._

 _"_ _Hmmm. Yes…so soft." He continued his exploration as he slowly pushed my shirt up farther. I reveled in the feeling of his warm breath on my skin. After last night in the kitchen I felt as though he was more like himself than he had been since he found out about Eric. He was joking and laughing and incredibly sweet as we talked about our shocking surprise. I still couldn't believe that he was so thrilled about it. The thought made my heart clench in happiness. I had never been one of_ those _girls, but now that I had him, I understood why._

 _His fingers stopped tickling and were now lightly caressing my sides as he moved his way up my body. The atmosphere of the room instantly grew warm and heavy around us._

 _I drew in a breath as he slipped his hands up my ribs and under my shirt. I lifted up and he pulled it from my body. I could see the jade of his eyes darken with yearning._

 _He traced a pattern up my stomach, over my breasts and I bit my lip in anticipation._

 _"_ _You know what else I love…" He rasped._

 _"_ _What?" I said thickly as I lightly scraped at his scalp and his eyes rolled back in his head._

 _"_ _Well, that, for one." And I laughed. But his face grew more serious again._

 _"_ _I love everything about you Liefje. You're perfect."_

 _I rolled my eyes and felt the blush creeping up my neck and my face._

 _"_ _Don't do that." He said quietly. "You are beautiful Bella, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I thought it the first day I saw you at Gray's…I thought that you were otherworldly."_

 _My breath caught in my throat and he slowly slid up my body until he was covering me, his naked chest was pressed against mine and only a thin layer of lace was between us._

 _"_ _Then at the Met…I thought you were more beautiful than all of those heralded pieces of work combined."_

 _I could feel my eyes welling with tears as he slowly kissed my jaw, behind my ear and down my neck. He swept a hair out of my eye as the jade bore into mine._

 _"_ _You are Liefje." He kissed my nose and lightly ran his hand through my hair._

 _"_ _I love your hair…the way it feels like silk in my fingers." He said as his eyes followed the path of his hand._

 _"_ _And I love your smile. It can light up a room." He kissed me gently and I felt myself getting lost in the warmth of his body over mine, every bit of him touching against me._

 _"_ _I love your eyes…" He whispered. "They're so soulful and deep…they take my breath away…because…it's like you can see right into me."_

 _My lip quivered as he placed kisses over my eyelids._

 _"_ _And your lips. God your lips." He kissed me more passionately this time and I could feel my pulse quicken. "I have very naughty dreams about those lips."_

 _I chuckled into his kiss as he slowly lifted away from me and grazed his mouth down my sternum._

 _"_ _And the way you smell…like berries and vanilla. It's intoxicating." He took a deep breath and I could feel his exhale against me and it made me shiver._

 _"_ _Mmmm. And of course these." I gasped as his tongue lightly traced my nipple and a ripple of pleasure shot through my body as he palmed my other breast._

 _He repeated his slow, reverent exploration, adoring my stomach, my legs, my sides, even my hips. Then he placed a kiss over my center and I let out an eager moan as he slipped off my panties._

 _He pulled me up and flipped me over so that he was now leaning against the headboard as I was straddling him._

 _"_ _I want to see you, all of you." He looked at me hungrily. I sat across him and could feel him pulsing below me as I watched him with hooded eyes. We were once again completely skin to skin with nothing between us as his arms wrapped around me and held me close._

 _"_ _Edward…" I whispered._

 _"_ _I love every part of you Liefje." I was open in quiet expectation and with one movement we were joined again. I gasped as he filled me so completely. Every time it was like this. Every time I felt totally connected to him._

 _His eyes were a deep boiling green. His hands trembled down my face, across my shoulders and settled on my waist as I rocked against him._

 _"_ _But you know what I love the most." He said as he leaned up and brought me closer. He kissed right over my chest. A tear streamed down my face as I wove my fingers through his hair once again._

 _"_ _Your heart. In here, and how even with all my faults you love me…and I…" His voice broke for a moment as he looked at me. "I can't believe you're having my child."_

 _My heart was beating out of my chest as he began to guide me and whisper quiet adorations. Our hands swept over one another and then clasped together as we moved. The burning look in his eyes was undeniable. It was worshipful and passionate and sweet all at the same time. We were simply flesh against flesh and mouths locked as one. At last we came apart in pieces and slipped over the edge together._

 _He pulled me into his arms whispering tender words of devotion to me in Dutch once again._

 _"_ _Someday you're going to have to tell me what all that means." I finally said as we held each other._

 _He leaned back and held my head in his hands as he stared into my eyes._

 _"_ _It means…I love you, the mother of my child…I can't live without you." He murmured._

 _My breath hitched at his translation and my eyes swam once again._

 _"_ _You never have to." I whispered._

I awoke with a start and instantly felt pain in my neck and my back. I knew it was from being tied up for so long and the awkward position I had been sleeping in.

But at once the feeling was overcome by a throbbing ache in my heart. My eyes burned from the tears I had shed as I realized where I was. I wasn't in my bedroom with Edward. I wasn't in our cavern, in our secret place.

No, I was in _that_ room, the one with no windows, no sound, no air.

The type of room you think of in your nightmares. The type of room you only see in movies or in the darkest corners of your mind.

But not me. I was there. Living it and breathing it. And slowly worrying that I might never see Edward again.

I didn't know what they wanted with me. I didn't know why they brought me here. I thought that since I was a target they would have killed me by this point. Last night I was sure they were taking me off somewhere to take care of it. So with every passing minute I simply held hope that somehow he would find me.

My eyes wandered around as I took in my surroundings. The walls were cement and gray and I could smell the condensation. I kept scanning, looking for entries and exits as I had when they first brought me in. But there was only one door, only one escape route, and I already knew that it was locked with a deadbolt and I was shut in.

The room was relatively big even though I could tell I was entirely underground. On the one side was a cot with army issue type blankets and pillows. Near the foot of the cot was a partitioned area holding a toilet and a sink. It was cold, but somehow a space heater was set up to keep it relatively warm.

Placed precariously in the middle of the room was a table with five chairs around it. Even more strangely there was a small refrigerator with a lock on it and a small kitchenette with a sink and cupboards on the opposite wall. As I inspected it more, it looked like a hideout, as if someone had built it so that they could live here for days and never be found.

 _The thought instantly made me shudder._

I pulled myself up and felt the rolling in my stomach as I had since last night. After Demitri pushed me into the car and sped out of the parking garage, I willed myself to calm down and try to figure out a way to mark time. I knew that my only chance of escape was if I had some idea as to where or how far away I was.

I knew it couldn't be that simple, because it was likely they took several turns before we stopped and I was blindfolded. But I noted the change in darkness my vantage point lying on the back seat. It became dark what felt like an hour outside the city. The darkness became very thick another hour after that. And at what seemed like four total hours later, the car finally stopped in the pitch black of night and I was pulled out of the car still blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back.

It was then I was ushered 397 steps, down a long set of stairs and into the room I was in now. I counted, as soon as my feet hit the ground. In all my conversations with Edward, he had told me about the little quirks that he had even before he became an agent and some of the strange things he did undercover. At the time it was more of a way of sharing information with me.

 _I never knew it would be so useful._

An ache permeated my chest and I had to force back the tears again.

I couldn't imagine what he was thinking right now. I couldn't think about it, because I knew he was probably dying inside. I pressed my hand to my stomach and closed my eyes as I thought of him. His face, his hands on me, his lips against mine, the way his eyes looked on Sunday and yesterday before I left. I had to think I would make it back to him. It was the only way. I couldn't think about the other possibilities and what it would do to me…or him.

Instead, I just kept praying over and over that there was some spec of evidence, something that he could find that would in turn help him find me. I knew my purse and work bag were dropped to the floor of the elevator, along with my wallet and panic button. Surely they would find those. But more importantly I was hoping there would be video evidence or some shred of proof to show that it was Demitri, and Felix—who I also recalled Edward mentioning before—that took me.

During the ride out to the cold room, once I forced myself to calm down, I kept trudging up detail after detail of the facts he had relayed to me. I catalogued the names of the different players, what their roles were, how they were connected.

I thought of anything and everything I could that might possibly tell me where I was.

But once I was locked in the dungeon-like room and the walls started to close in around me, I collapsed on the cot shaking violently and I cried.

I cried for Edward, for our baby, for the thought that I might never see him again. And because of the pregnancy I was so tired and exhausted I finally passed out and fell asleep some time later.

I had no idea what time it was now. Of course the one day I forgot to wear my watch was today…or yesterday as I was sure it was now.

But I didn't feel fully refreshed, I felt more like I had taken a nap and so it _seemed_ like it was the middle of the night.

Just as I stood up to walk around and begin to search my surroundings. I heard the door being jostled from the other side.

I froze in my spot, terrified. I locked my gaze on the door and once it opened I was met with his black eyes.

"Ah Isabella, I see you had a nice nap." He derided me.

Bile rose in my throat as I stepped to the other side of the table. I tried to hold it in, but the thoughts of everything Edward told me about him, my own interactions as well as my morning sickness combined together and I rushed to the toilet across the room as I threw up violently.

I could feel his eyes on me and it made my skin crawl. I wanted nothing more than to be back in my condo, with Edward stroking my hair as I was sick and then making me toast in bed.

Tears immediately wet my eyes as I pressed my back against the wall.

But he appeared above me then. I cowered away from him and pulled my knees to my chest as he bent down to look at me.

He reached up and swept a piece of hair out of my face and I shivered and fought off the urge to wretch again.

 _Maybe I could just throw up on his shoes this time. Then he'll leave me alone._

But unfortunately, I knew he was the only person I had contact with, the only possibly escape.

"Are you feeling better now?" He asked. I didn't respond. I just looked into his soulless eyes.

"Come, I brought you something to eat."

He said it almost kindly and I looked at him with a blank stare.

 _What? You want me to fucking be happy about that?_

"Now Isabella. Don't make me wait." He said darkly then.

I scrambled to my feet, still in my gray skirt and pink silk blouse and heels. I could feel his eyes following me and it caused me to shudder. I turned my head away and crossed my arms over me to avoid his gaze.

I saw the soup and the crackers as well as an apple and cheese sitting on the table.

 _What the hell was with all the healthy food?_

I looked at it strangely until I turned back to him. He simply nodded, and even though I didn't want to give in, I was starving. I hadn't eaten dinner and I was sick. Plus I knew I needed to keep up my strength for me and…

I whimper left me, but I covered it quickly with a cough as I looked at the table and grasped the chair. At last I steeled my resolve and kept moving around the table. I wouldn't let him see how shaken I was. I wouldn't admit defeat.

As I sat and ate the soup before me, he took a chair across from me. I could see his gun holstered under his jacket and the eerie white of his complexion. He was creepy as fuck, always had been. I took in every detail without staring and shot him angry glares between bites of soup.

Then I got an idea.

I was running through a million things in my mind at the moment. But maybe, just maybe he could give me some information. For what, I didn't know. And I had no idea how I was going to escape this. But at least I could try.

I would try, for him, for… _them_.

I grit my teeth at the thought but forged ahead. I didn't know if he would answer me but I figured I'd give it a shot and ask him some questions.

"Why am I here Demitri?" I finally asked.

He laughed wryly again and then looked at me with his beady eyes. "Well, now that's really the million dollar question isn't it?" He said sinisterly.

"Yes, I suppose it is." I shot back. "But since you have me here, and obviously I can't leave, you might as well tell me."

"Oh Isabella, always such a fighter…such a fervent one. You were very quick to send me away the first time. Such a smart girl that you had a sixth sense about me even then." He stated, but then he leaned forward and continued.

"But you are right about one thing…we have you here and you won't be leaving. And _he_ won't find you either."

I had to choke back the sob that wanted to leave my throat. But I simply took a bite of my soup. It was quiet for a while and I hated the way his eyes roamed over me as I ate.

I decided that whether I was nice or not didn't matter. So I began asking questions again.

"What do you want with me? I don't understand why I'm here." I finally asked.

"Oh I am not the one who wants you here Isabella, although I must say I can see why both Alec and Mr. Raven were so enamored with you…and now of course your beloved Agent." He sneered.

"What have you done to him?" I said as fear crept up my spine. Edward wasn't hurt was he?

 _Oh God._

 _No, I couldn't think that way. He was just trying to play me._

"Which him?" He said then mockingly.

I didn't respond I just sat there in silence.

"What? No. You didn't?" I finally rasped as fear gripped my heart.

"Oh Isabella, you really are too easy. Alec would have given up the world for you and eventually he did. It's too bad really that he was willing to do anything for a woman who didn't love him in return."

 _Alec?_

I was relieved but that didn't answer my questions.

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's just say, Mr. Masen will not be a problem anymore." He said darkly.

I was confused, but I also had a suspicion after the turn of events of the past evening that Alec showed up on my doorstep for more reasons than one. It wasn't just because he still loved me. He really was trying to warn me, both with the flowers and trying to get me to come with him.

 _If only I would have heeded his warning._

Then a thought occurred to me and I gasped and covered my mouth. Even though I didn't love him, I didn't want anything bad to happen to him.

"He…what did you?" I sputtered.

"He became too much of a liability." He stated firmly.

He was dead. Oh my God, he was dead. My mind was spinning from the realization that he might have died protecting _me_.

"How…how could you? He was your brother." I said without thinking.

Demitri pulled back and looked at me intently then. "How did you know that?"

"I'm not stupid. I met Irina once when Alec and I dated. And I know that she married Alec's father. He's your step-brother is he not?"

"It's not blood. It doesn't matter."

 _What? How could he say something like that?_

"What about your step-father? What did Thomas have to say?"

"Thomas can't say much. Let's just leave it at that."

 _You have to be fucking kidding me! If he was involved how could he not protest the killing of his own son._

 _God this is fucked up._

My brain was racing as I pushed my bowl aside and then looked down, except my eyes were only to be met with three pills on the tray. The hairs on the back of my neck instantly stood up.

 _Were they drugging me and I didn't know it somehow?_

 _What day was it? Maybe I was completely off in my timing? How long had I been here?_

I had to find out more. I had to keep asking.

I thought of a new attack. Maybe he would spill if I appeased him.

"Well why not tell me everything. I mean obviously you know what you're doing. I'm not going anywhere as you say and no one is going to find me. So why don't you just tell me what the hell is going on. At least give me that." I looked him right in the eye as I fingered the pills on the tray.

"You would love that wouldn't you?"

"C'mon. Who am I going to tell?" I waved my hand around and I knew I was getting to him. He was cocky. He wanted to say how good he was, how he had ousted me from under Edward's protection and now held me here…wherever the hell we were.

"I mean, why didn't you just kill me?" I continued.

"You want me to be honest?" He leaned forward and asked me in a sickening tone.

I set my jaw and looked right at him as I palmed the drugs to hide them later.

"Yes."

"Fine. I'll be honest. Since as you say…you _won't_ be going anywhere." He annunciated and I fought off a shudder once again.

"I would have just killed you. But that's not my decision now is it." He said and goose bumps raced up my body. But I straightened in my chair, demanding his answer.

"So? Who's was it?"

He shook his head and sighed and tsked his tongue.

"Someone else's. I am for hire and for hire _only._ I was assigned to you once Alec left. They were afraid that you had seen too much…" He trailed off. "Or that he really hadn't broke it off with you. But by all accounts he had. Even as you stated to me...do you remember that?" He said too sweetly and the words flashed through my head.

 _"_ _I…uh…we broke up. He apparently doesn't want to see me again." I shrugged, still looking at the photos._

 _"_ _That's odd." He leaned closer and my breath caught as I could feel him right next to me. "I would have a hard time staying away from you."_

 _I tensed. That creepy feeling washed over me until I found a bit of resolve and slowed my breathing._

 _"_ _Well apparently that doesn't go for everyone." I said with a sigh._

He leaned forward then and whispered. "Although I must say, I wouldn't have minded to be assigned as Raven had. I wouldn't mind taking a ride on that pony, but now I can't. You carry too precious of cargo now for that."

I lunged back and swallowed the vomit in the back of my throat and instead crossed my arms over my abdomen. His gaze was making that sixth sense overtake my body now, stronger than I had ever noticed before. But at the same time I was trying to parse through what he said.

"Raven?"

James.

That asshole. It was just as Edward suspected. I instantly felt dirty for ever having slept with him.

"He meant nothing to me." I said defiantly then.

Demitri stood up and began to fiddle with the lock on the refrigerator. "Ah yes. And you shouldn't have meant anything to him. He was assigned to get close to you once Alec came back. He was supposed to see if Alec had any contact with you and what you knew yet again. They couldn't have _me_ do it after all. So instead I just followed you discreetly when Raven wasn't around."

"It was you then. All those times walking to work. At the Met. Did you follow me from New Jersey then too?" I spat.

"Of course. Maybe you aren't as oblivious as I thought Isabella."

"Or maybe I was just trying to keep my cool." I said through clenched teeth.

"It didn't matter. I had to know what you knew. How much you knew." He shrugged. "It was a rather easy assignment, given my usual ones. And of course you gave us everything we needed."

"What I knew? What you needed? What do you mean by that?" I asked then.

He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a water, for himself and for me. He handed me one and I reluctantly accepted, but I was thirsty, and downed it fully before he spoke.

"You know. Agent Cullen. We really didn't know he was an agent. Not until you spilled it all to your little friend on the phone. He really was good at covering his tracks wasn't he? I didn't even notice you were seeing him until the night I broke into your place?"

"You did that too?" I stuttered.

Shit. It was my fault Edward's cover was blown. They somehow heard me.

"Oh yes. You see I was the one listening, the one watching, the one waiting. I knew you were seeing someone other than Raven. I heard it all through your office…Ms. Swan."

"But Ed…Agent Cullen. How did you find out about him?"

He scoffed. "I always suspected him. He was too good. The way he moved into the organization. So the night I was at your place I did a little scoping out and who marches in, but Cullen's friend…or should I say, Emil Mazzonn's friend. It wasn't too hard to put the pieces together after that. And then of course you called him by name yesterday."

 _Oh my God. My phone call to Rose, how could I be so stupid?_

I put my head in my hands and finally asked the last question.

"Why? Why me? I still don't understand. I haven't done anything."

"The boss. He was pretty sure you saw him. I was there that night too you know."

 _Oh my God. The night of my birthday at Alec's._

I recalled seeing the man with the white blonde hair and the conversation outside their door.

Then it struck me with force.

They had been talking about _me._ The boss, Il Leone as Edward called him had said something about a girl.

That girl was me. I was sure of it. Especially now that I knew about Alec.

"Il Leone you mean." I said with raised eyebrows and Demitri stopped and eyed me. "But I didn't see _you_ there." I said then, challenging him.

"I was in the car. I was the one that saw you run into the building only minutes before he left. And we knew who you were."

He walked back over then and bent toward me.

"But of course he could never have you taken out. You were the granddaughter of his best friend. The one person who we could never…eliminate." His eyes flashed with something and now my mind was really on a tangent.

 _Granddaughter?_

 _What the fuck does that mean? Whose granddaughter? My grandfathers are both dead._

 _Grandpa Higgenbothom died when I was nine and I hardly knew him. Grandpa Swan was long gone before I was even born._

 _What the hell?_

"Wait, granddaughter? What are you talking about?"

He laughed wryly then. "Oh my. All these years and you _really_ never knew. Your father and brother really were good about keeping it from you. All those men protecting you." He tsked. "And yet it didn't matter, they could never protect you from me…from _him_."

 _What the fuck?_

 _Charlie?_

 _Brad?_

"I don't understand?" I shook my head. I had no idea what he was talking about now. Charlie and Brad kept something from me?

And then I thought back to a few minutes ago and what he said. An eerie feeling overtook my body, even more strongly than a few minutes before.

Wait if he heard my conversation with Rose then…they could know about…?

I gulped in an air of breath as I crossed my arms even tighter over my chest.

"What did you mean by precious cargo? " I asked with trepidation.

He turned to look right in my eyes and what I found was terrifying.

"Well the secret you're carrying around inside you of course?" He raised his eyebrows and took a drink of his water, knowing he was completely under my skin as I shuddered violently this time. I couldn't hide it if I wanted to.

My hand flew to my mouth and I dropped the pills back on the tray. It didn't matter anymore.

Secret.

Carrying.

They could only mean one thing.

 _The baby._

For some reason the fact that I carried Edward's baby was the reason they took me? Or at least part of it?

A sickening feeling overtook me and I looked back up as my breathing had picked up in my chest.

"Does this have something to do with Eric?"

He laughed again and I cringed.

 _Shit._

But then the next words he spoke surprised me even more.

"Yes. It has everything to do with Eric. And that's why Eric is dead. Why I killed him." His voice was menacing and a cold sweat broke on my brow.

He killed Eric?

 _Oh my God._

Then Eric didn't die in the Towers…Eric couldn't be Il Leone.

Eric must have found something out. But about who? Was he still in on it? Did they just take him out like they did Alec?

I picked up the pills on the tray and finally asked him.

"What are these then? Are you just going to drug me, hurt me until you get whatever it is you need from me or kill me?" I asked.

"Oh no Isabella. We're not going to kill you… _yet_." He stated. "But you do need to take your vitamins. I hear it's very important when you're pregnant. Especially with _this_ child." He motioned to me and I clasped the pills in my hand.

 _This had to do with our baby. Edward's baby. They wanted me to be healthy so that what…I would give birth to the baby and then they would kill me?_

 _Or use it as leverage against Edward?_

 _Oh no!_

Tears welled in my eyes as all of the information crashed down around me.

I was never leaving. I was never going to see Edward again. We would never get married, raise our child together and put this all behind us.

Instead I was going to live out a nightmare. This was it. I was going to be here indeterminably or at least until the baby was born, and then they would kill me.

But what of Edward? What did this have to do with him?

And grandfather? What the hell did that mean?

Who was my grandfather's best friend?

I had no idea. This was all just crazy and my mind was spinning.

"Why?" I rasped as the tears streamed down my face once again.

"I think I've given you more than enough information Isabella." Demitri moved from his position across the table and made his way to the door.

He stopped and paused as he turned back to me then. "You should take those…and eat the rest of your food. You are eating for two now Isabella, it's best you keep up your strength." He said mockingly and then walked through the door.

I was speechless and frustrated and before I knew it I grabbed the empty soup bowl and flung it at the door as it shattered into a thousand pieces.

"I hate you…you….bastard!" I screamed and then shuffled over to the cot. I collapsed and the sobs wracked my body.

I couldn't make any sense of it. Grandfather? The baby? Best friend?

I saw Il Leone and I thought back onto the night of me birthday.

 _"_ _Listen. I know how to get to you. Don't think I don't. And you know my associate has a special place for her should anything happen. Don't think_ he _won't take advantage of it…"_

 _"_ _I'm not giving in to you…not like everyone else, not like…" Alec said._

 _"_ _Don't you dare say his name!" The other man exclaimed and I bristled._

 _"_ _Why? Because he didn't do everything you wanted him to. You and my father and your friends disgust me."_

You and your father and your friends.

My associate?

Whoever Il Leone was in on it with was apparently… _my grandfather?_

But that wasn't possible. Both of my grandfather's were dead. And had been dead for many years before this happened.

I lay back in the bed and went over and over the conversation with Demitri in my head.

I pulled out the pendant from under my blouse and fingered it. I needed some luck right now… _we_ needed some luck right now.

As I exhausted the connections and possibilities in my head I pulled the blanket around me wishing it was Edward's arms, wishing we were just back in my bed. My eyes finally dried and once again I prayed that somewhere out there he could hear me. Somewhere out there he was looking for me.

I knew he would go to the ends of the earth to find me. I just hoped it wasn't too late.

 _Please, Edward I love you. Please hurry._

 *** &^%$#**

 **EPOV**

 _~September 19, 3:00 A.M. Eight Hours Missing~_

 _"_ _Director Fortnight? What are you doing here?" I was confounded by his appearance._

 _His grey eyes and white hair shone in the fluorescent light as he stood there and stared at me. He had a hold of something in his hand and I couldn't take my eyes off him to look at it._

 _"_ _It seems you've been busy."_

 _No, the love of my life has just disappeared, but I'm fucking relaxing._

 _Then he walked over to me and threw a file down on the table._

 _"_ _Can we have some privacy please?" He said to the room, and everyone left. He was the Director, they didn't need another word._

 _It was then I glanced down at the file before me and the Earth moved around me. Everything stilled, completely stilled, except for the absolute battle pounding away in my chest._

 _"_ _Cullen. I think we need to chat."_

I looked down at the file in front of me and I was instantly angry. Pissed, hurt, angry and confused as hell.

They fucking knew all along. I could tell by the thickness of the file. I didn't have to look at it any closer, and I couldn't because the sight of my brother's name on the back was enough to send me into a frenzy.

"What the fuck Peter?"

"No more Director, well that was quick Edward." He admonished, but I could tell he didn't mean it.

 _Yet I didn't have time for his games just then._

"You knew about my brother. All this time you knew and you didn't tell me?" I hissed.

"Edward, I think you should sit down."

"I'm not fucking sitting down! This investigation is a goddamn mess because we didn't have all the information we should have. I can see that now. So you better start explaining to me what the hell is going on!"

"Agent Cullen." He said austerely.

I looked at him with a wicked glared. "How much did you know? Just how much did you keep from us? Did you know about her too? Her grandmother, what her father just told me?" I ranted.

He looked at me as he sighed and walked over to the board.

"Yes."

 _Goddamnit! Mother fucking! Son of a…! Fuck!_

"Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me here Peter?" I screamed at him.

His shoulders tensed but I wanted answers _now_. There was a file on my brother on the table and my love, my reason for existing, was missing. This had gone far enough. The boiling point had arrived, the ever loyal agent was wavering and he wanted answers.

 _He wanted some motherfucking answers right now._

He sighed as he looked at the board. "She's quite beautiful."

"Beyond measure." I said without thinking.

He turned to look at me and closed his eyes. "Goddamnit, you weren't supposed to do this. I never thought _you_ of all people would do this."

"Well sometimes we don't choose it." I spat as I felt the ache in my chest.

He stopped for a second and blinked at me.

"What are you talking about?"

"What are you?" I retorted.

He frowned and exhaled then. "You're in love with her?

"As I said, sometimes you don't choose it. Sometimes it just hits you like a freight train and you can't walk away." His eyes widened and he could tell how serious I was. My gaze pierced into him at the same time my heart pounded, but I continued.

"I want to know…everything. From the beginning." I stated as I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Why were you watching her?"

"Because we got a tip that she was dating Raven…who was a known associate. We wanted to know if she was bad, if she somehow knew about her grandfather, even though the entire file on her said she didn't know anything."

"Fuck." I muttered _._

 _This was unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable._

"Why not tell us? Do you know how much danger that put us in?" I said seriously.

"Do you know how much danger it put _her_ in to have others know, when she didn't. It was better for her to be oblivious?"

"Right." I responded dryly. "We could have protected her… _I_ could have protected her better if we'd known."

"It was best kept silent, like a double-blind experiment."

"A double-blind experiment!" I roared. This was total bullshit. Complete and total Bureau bullshit.

I began pacing back and forth in front of the board as I pulled on my hair. "Is that why you didn't tell McCarty?"

"Yes. And because we knew she was friends with your family. We couldn't have her getting too close to you. But apparently that didn't matter…" He trailed off.

I tugged and yanked as I thought, trying to put it all together. It didn't make any sense. You _never_ leave your agents in the dark. You _always_ give them all the information possible so that they can be fully prepared. Why now? Why this mission when it was so important?

 _Something_ was wrong. It was _off._ We had known it from the beginning.

Suddenly I stopped. I glanced at the file with the name on the back again.

 _Cullen, Eric Carlisle_

I grit my teeth as my eyes swept over it and I pondered everything from the beginning. He was connected to it so they didn't want _me_ to know. Somehow it all came back to him.

Him and Me. Me and Him.

I chewed on the thoughts over and over as I stood there in silence. My fists clenched at my sides and my fingers dug into my palm as I faced another stunning realization.

"Cullen?"

"How long?" I said lowly, before he could say another word.

"What are you talking about?"

"How long did you know about…him?" I said as tightened my jaw once again.

"Since the beginning." He finally answered.

The air swept out of my lungs and I grabbed the chair at my side as I closed my eyes. A million thoughts ran through my head. My first visit to the FBI, my training, my missions, the way everything was perfectly scoped to set me up for this mission. A shocking revelation overcame me and I stood there gripping the chair for life. Bella was gone, my love was gone, and now so was my life. Everything I had done was truly futile. Everything I had devoted myself to was for…

Nothing.

"You used me." I finally spat.

"No."

"Don't you even…" I groaned. "You fucking used me!" I yelled this time.

"You wanted in. You wanted it more than anyone I have ever met." He justified.

Intense fury raged through my veins. Without thinking, I turned and threw a stack of briefing books off the table and they slammed against the back wall. Fortnight stood there in silence as the rage pulsed through me.

"How could you? How could you deceive me that way?" I walked right up to him, face to face, man to man. His gray eyes flashed then and his years of weathered service hardened before me.

Huh. My _friend_ …my _mentor._

The fucking liar.

 _Was anything as it appeared?_

He stepped back and waved his hands in the air as he answered.

"C'mon Edward. You would have done anything and you know it." He shouted this time. "You came in there wanting nothing more than to avenge your brother's death. You wanted to kill anyone and everything in your way. We just took it and channeled it. We molded you into the perfect weapon."

A sickening shudder ran down my spine in unison with the anger. They knew all along and they used me. They fucking used me. I was disgusted with them but more importantly I was disgusted with myself for not figuring it out sooner.

I thought back to the first day I went to the Bureau.

" _Bullshit. You want to avenge his death." He eyed me carefully. "And I can't say as I blame you…but my only question then is this." He leaned his hands on his desk and bent over to give me a steely stare. "How far are you willing to go?"_

 _"As far as possible."_

But now _she_ was gone. They were both gone and I had nothing—nothing but lies and secrets and devastation surrounding me.

He turned to me then and let out a breath.

"You gave us everything we needed to take down the worst of the worst. You were perfect for the job for more reasons than I can count. Your skills, your insight, you were the best I had seen in years—hell ever. And I knew that the drive over your brother would keep you that way. If we would have told you it would have blinded your goals for the mission. You would have been so focused on avenging _him_ that you wouldn't have been able to look at the bigger picture."

"But for thirteen years? Why wait so long to tell me? How could you fuck with my life like that?" I screamed.

He sighed loudly and then flipped the file over on the table. But I didn't look at it. I just stared right through him with my eyes.

"Edward, in this line of work you learn to be patient, you know that. You're brother gave us the best shot we had and then he was gone. It took us _this_ long to get back at it, and how more perfect than you."

 _Wait a minute._

 _What?_

 _My brother._

 _What the hell was he talking about now?_

 _Best shot?_

 _More perfect than me?_

"What are you talking about?"

His brow furrowed as he looked at me questioningly.

"What do you think I'm talking about?"

"What does this have to do with that…that traitor." I couldn't even say his name. I was so pissed and confused.

He closed his eyes and shook his head and I could see something overtaking his body. Realization? I didn't know, but I stood rigidly in preparation.

Finally, he pushed the file across the table at me and his eyes met mine. I looked down with fear and trepidation because I didn't know how much more I could handle tonight.

My eyes tried to focus on the sight before me.

And I stopped.

I stopped breathing. I stopped moving. Everything just…stopped.

As I looked closer, I could see that it wasn't a file of a subject as I thought.

Like a lightning strike hit my very center, my heart almost exploded from the jolt of electricity.

 _Agent number 38517 Eric Carlisle Cullen- DOB: 2/12/77; DOD: 9/11/01_

I couldn't stop staring at it. The words and the numbers. The letters and the words. The numbers and the letters. The numbers and the words and the letters. They were all a jumbling mess in my head.

 _Agent._

Number.

 _Agent._

38517

 _Agent._

My brother.

 _What. The. Fuck?_

My stomach flipped over and my brain felt like it was going to explode.

"Holy…Jesus…Oh my God." I sputtered and without knowing slumped into the chair next to me. My hands found my face and covered my mouth as shockwaves wracked my body.

I just stared at the file before me in complete and utter disbelief and astonishment.

 _This…can't be real. It can't be happening. It can't say that._

 _How is that possible?_

My mind was instantly spinning out of control with questions and answers and discombobulated from the thoughts. I couldn't digest the sight before me I was so wholly amazed by it.

Thrilled by it. Fascinated. Terrified. Perplexed. Totally mind-fucked once again.

"I think you should read that." Fortnight finally said in a calm voice.

I tore my eyes from the name and number on the cover and looked at Fortnight.

"I'm going to get us some coffee. We have a long night ahead."

I didn't respond to him. I only nodded and I waited for the click of the door before I turned back to the file.

With a trembling hand I pulled it to me and opened it.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

It was… _everything_. I let out a shaky breath and my heart battered in my chest as I parsed through the papers.

I started with the first page which listed his contact with the FBI. He wasn't a full-fledge agent like me, but he was assigned a number because he agreed to help the FBI with an investigation into Reycon. His initial contact was April of 2000, a year and a half before he died.

I looked at his statement from the first briefing and my mind was instantly swimming with the facts before me. Apparently he contacted the FBI when he found out about some odd shipments at Reycon. He suspected that the person signing off on them, his boss Aman Kebi, had ties to organized crime and he was concerned with links.

But _Eric_ had also made some bad "investments" around the same time, along with Alec Masen and a few other friends. He had them paid off by an "outside source", yet after the fact he knew what he did was illegal. He knew the FBI wouldn't be far off from investigating him. But for some reason, he wouldn't give up his "outside source." Apparently it was a sticking point for Eric. He said it was "too dangerous" for him to release it. He needed to get more information and once he had enough, he would turn it over to the FBI in release of any and all charges against him.

I was still pissed he was involved in something illegal. But at least he appeared to try to right it. I knew things moved slowly undercover, but this was all almost a year before he died. Something was off about the timing of everything and with the "outside source."

Suddenly, I had an idea. I didn't often write things down, but I knew that I had multiple conversations with him throughout this time and I wanted to track the events.

I grabbed a notepad and jotted down the first contact with trembling hands and then took a deep breath and continued.

Somehow Kebi knew about the payments and blackmailed him into helping run certain items out of Reycon because of his ability to access files and potentially get access to our father. Eric began to suspect that his "source" was in cahoots with Kebi, but he still needed to get more information. Almost the next year was spent gaining information, but he couldn't seem to get a strong enough paper trail.

By March of 2001, he agreed to wear a wire to several meetings and interactions with Kebi, as well as some of Kebi's friends. One of who was a contact at Van Rijn, and another was a partner at Foster & Wheaton, James Raven's firm. I thought back for a moment as I looked at the partner's name. I remembered then that he died suspiciously a few years later.

 _Fuck. So he was killed and at some point between 2001 and the present, Raven became the new point man on the legal matters._

I shook my head at the unbelievable file before me. My heart was still racing, but the cold that had been running through my veins was leaving my body. Heat was penetrating the room and I was burgeoning with questions about all the facts and the connections.

 _The Anthrax shipment?_

 _The stuff I found at my parents?_

 _The stuff I found in the Hamptons?_

 _Laurent? Buxton? All of the other players?_

 _How did it all fit in?_

 _And why didn't they tell me any of this?_

Just then Fortnight walked back in and I looked at him with a cool stare.

"Coffee."

I nodded blankly and accepted it, but I kept reading. I was totally stunned and couldn't eat up the information fast enough about my brother's last efforts.

The next few months documented his continued conversations with Kebi. He even mentioned the Volturis, the Draconis, and The Buxton Group as somehow being tied together and tied to his source.

All of them.

 _Jesus._

Yet he was starting to suspect that there was someone behind the whole scheme. A bigger fish as he called it. He was concerned that the bigger fish was tied to the one who expunged his debt, but he wanted to get more information.

This confused me.

 _Who could have expunged his debts if not my father?_

Again I kept going, consuming, digesting the words in front of me.

He noted that, from his observations, the Volturi organization was a major buyer of the goods run by Reycon and ran shipments out of Philadelphia. The Draconis were a small family in New York, but they had significant ties to Europe and a run for the black market items. The two families competed, but neither were eliminated. And somehow the Volturi had the ear of whoever the bigger fish was.

I was perplexed. Whoever the main person was obviously was tight with Aro Volturi?

I mulled over what Charlie told me only hours earlier as I jotted down the timing.

 _Aro was from New York, he knew influential people._

Yet, I suspected the reason they never ousted the Dracs was because they couldn't stop the flow of shipments from their ties in Europe. It was too profitable.

By August of 2001 he was starting to truly suspect his source.

And finally, he said that the person who he thought was the head of the entire operation went by _Il Leone._

Motherfuck.

So he too, knew who Il Leone was.

At that time, he was also becoming extremely nervous and wanted more protection from the FBI. They couldn't provide him much cover because they already had a separate operation ongoing to oust the Volturis—one I would join a few years later. But other than his admissions, they had nothing. They had names and meetings, but nothing concrete, no paperwork. Whoever Il Leone was, he was very good at covering his bases.

Eric even stated that his friend Alec was getting pressure to sell his stock in Masen Industries due to his involvement with the organization. But he wouldn't give in either. It all made so much sense considering the conversations I saw with Alec and Demitri and at _Dawnbreak_. They ran through my head once again as I pondered all of it.

 _"_ _He said he didn't want to be minion."_

A minion? A follower.

I thought about the conversation I witnessed between Demitri and Alec Masen.

 _"_ _I said its nothing. Besides, you found me remember. I told you I don't need this shit, I didn't want anything to do with it eleven years ago and I don't now. I'll sell my shares, I'll do whatever I have to but I am fucking done when this is over."_

I turned back to the file and took a deep breath, knowing I was nearing the end, feeling that familiar pain in my chest.

In September 2001 he signed off on the shipment of Anthrax in an effort to finally drag out Kebi and his source. They were hoping to create a trail with the buyers and the dealers. He wanted a paper trail so he could finally be out and not pursue the investigation any further. He felt like it was too risky and he had obligations that he was getting more and more concerned about.

 _Obligations?_

 _Eliot perhaps?_

 _How did_ that _fit in?_

I flipped to the last page and I stopped. It was the end. It was a summary from the SA in charge of his investigation. Before he could report on the matter, he died. And the investigation went dark.

I stared at the file before me and the way the paper trail along with everything he collected, vaporized into thin air, just as my brother had.

He was dead. I was sure of it. My heart ached in my chest, but now for competing and multiple reasons.

He _wasn't_ one of them.

He was one of _us._ And he died trying to figure out the big picture. _Il Leone._

And Il Leone knew about Bella.

And somehow it was _all_ connected.

I just kept thinking. He wasn't one of _them._ But _they_ have her.

He knew who they were. And now they had her.

 _But how did this all tie to Bella. What did my brother find out or know?_

"We were never able to find the larger organization, the person behind it all."

My head shot up at the words and I looked at Fortnight once again.

"The one behind the front of the Volturis and the Draconis. Your brother was close, very close, but before he was able to give it up and get us the evidence we needed he was killed."

"Killed?"

"I don't think he died in the Towers Edward."

I stopped and looked at him questioningly.

"But my father called to have him fax something that morning?"

"Did he ever talk to him or receive it?"

"I don't know. But I saw the invoice…"

"Yes and once we pulled the record the file had not been accessed on the day of the invoice. He dated it 9/11, but he accessed it on the 10th."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying, we thought he was ready to finally give up his source—the one that he had protected until he could absolutely and unequivocally give it to us without reservations."

 _Fuck._

I clenched my teeth and my veins ran cold again, but now for a different reason.

The vengeance was back. The feeling of wanting, needing, an eye for an eye was again coursing through my brains. Someone killed him.

Now I could taste blood more than ever—for Bella, for Eric, for all of us.

Il Leone took him out before he could give up his source.

An eerie and ghastly feeling overtook my body. There was something wholly alarming about the entire situation. Something about what Eric knew spanned ten years and went straight to the heart of Bella's disappearance.

 _What was it? What was that final link?_

I had a million questions and needed a million answers as my head spun like it was going to fly off of my shoulders at any minute.

I looked up at Fortnight and then back at the timeline I created and just stared at it blankly.

Before I knew it, I opened my mouth and started firing off questions. I'd be damned if he wouldn't answer my questions now.

"What about the Anthrax?"

"It was later confiscated in a bust at the border." Fortnight crossed his hands in front of me and looked at me intently. I could tell he was steeling himself for the barrage of questions.

"Masen. Why didn't they ever try to get him to corroborate?"

"He wouldn't. He said he had too much to lose."

 _Bella._

 _Son-of-a-bitch._

My chest tightened at the thought.

I blew out a breath and jumped to the next thing that popped into my head.

"Why not take down Kebi? You obviously had enough on him?"

"Because he was the only way in."

"Then why didn't you tell us that right away? Why waste our time?" I said in a pissed tone.

He sighed. "Because honestly Edward…this information is thirteen years old. You know as well as I do that connections change. People die, they're ousted, they leave, they go to jail, whatever it might be. By the time we had our shot again, we had to build it back up. And you know that we took down the Volturi organization. The problem was the collateral damage from that caused so many of these people to go underground for a while and we couldn't start it back up again."

He took a breath and stood up. "Then Masen took off later to get away. But somehow, they found him again. We didn't bring him back. It was news to us when you reported it."

I snorted and shook my head.

I couldn't fucking believe it. This was all so crazy.

My emotions were tearing me apart inside. I was pissed at the FBI, yet relieved over Eric and fucking terrified that the same people that killed Eric now had Bella.

But regardless of my anger at the FBI in that moment, a new kind of energy came to life in me.

I could sense it. This was it.

 _This_ was the day of reckoning.

I could feel it in my blood. _I_ had to figure this out. _I_ had to put it all together, because somewhere deep inside me, it wasn't just Eric or Bella that was linked to it all.

It was me.

It was my investigation to own or lose. I knew that from the beginning, I knew that when I left for Romania and somehow I knew that when I returned to New York.

A sense of determination overtook m. The training, the years of preparation, the multiple investigations and missions, it all came to a head in one moment. I was going to do this. I was going to find her, I was going to avenge Eric and I was going to take down the entire organization.

*&^%$#

 _~Tuesday, September 19, 9:00 A.M. Fourteen Hours Missing~_

"Raven's in custody." I stated as I continued pacing in the conference room. Coffee number eight was in my hand.

McCarty nodded. "He folded like a card after about an hour." He smiled smugly.

McCarty was good. I had to give him that.

"What about Masen?"

"DOA confirmed at Presbyterian. It was him. He's dead."

I nodded and mulled it over as we tracked the lines on the board and talked out potential connections and leads. I was nervous and grasping for anything I could think of.

"And the surveillance video?"

"Confirms that he and Bella had a conversation right before she was taken. Time was 6:45 P.M. Then a black car pulls up and two men 'ushered' him into it. But they were both cloaked by the darkness. Not identifiable on camera."

"I want to see it." I stated then.

"You think that's a good idea?" He said to me with his eyebrow cocked and questioning.

"Probably not, but I don't care. I will be able to tell what they were talking about…pick up on things that others can't." I said quickly.

The familiar burn began in my stomach, but I pushed it away. For the last few hours I had been in agent mode. I was doing everything possible to get her back.

I couldn't…wouldn't allow myself to think about where she was at or, god forbid, what they could be doing to her.

I was just focused on finding her. And I would. Find her.

Soon.

I opened the door and motioned for McCarty to follow me upstairs to the tech center to view the tape.

"What about Dwyer and Laurent?" I asked as we climbed the stairs hastily.

"Both went off the grid. We don't know where they're at, but the Bureau has pulled in hundreds of agents, state police and NYPD to help with tracking them and with the takedown. We have APB's out on them as well as Demitri, Nelo, Felix, the whole bunch."

Fortnight had officially given the word a couple of hours ago, after we ended our little chat. The FBI was going into full execution mode. We were taking down the Dracs today, hopefully more than that, which was why McCarty and I were pouring over who could connect Il Leone to the Dracs, Volturi, all of it.

After I met with Fortnight, I found out that McCarty had been interrogating Raven. He made him crack, as only he could.

Then when I told him about my brother and everything with Bella he had a similar reaction to me, but not on quite the same level. He was pissed at the FBI, shocked as hell about Bella and the revelations about Eric. But he too was more determined than ever to find her and to find Il Leone. He was also sure we had everything we needed.

 _Now we just needed to connect the dots._

We walked into the tech room and one of the analysts nodded at us. She knew McCarty already and I likely had that "don't fuck with me" look on my face.

We sat down to review the footage and I took a deep breath.

In a matter of minutes I saw the cab pull up and she stepped out onto the screen. The camera was of only the door, shot from the corner of the building. Alec must have been out of the range of the camera as he came into view only a minute later.

I saw her turn, her beautiful eyes widened and her long hair swung about her shoulders.

Pain gripped my chest, but I sat there stoically as I took it in. She seemed perturbed with him and cowered away when he tried to touch her arm. I almost tore a piece of the table off at that part. But then she stood up to him and he seemed to step back. Their interaction wasn't friendly, but it wasn't hostile either.

Then I saw a look of complete astonishment over her face and she shook her head "no" repeatedly. I leaned forward trying to see closer, but the video was too fuzzy. At last, she said something to him and went through the door.

 _At that was the last time I saw her alive._

 _No. I couldn't think that._

But as Masen turned I could see the pained look on his face and then two men walk up to him and grab his arms, only to usher him into a vehicle. Yet, of course the vehicle was out of view and that was the end of the tape.

I just sat there and stared at it.

"E. Are you okay man?" I heard McCarty ask and I could barely hear him. I felt like I was underwater. My heart was pounding in my chest at seeing her again.

I put my elbows on my knees and took a deep breath.

"I'll give you a minute." He said and he stepped out.

I looked up to see him leave and rewound the tape. I stopped as she exited the cab again. Taking in the lines of her face, the way she carried herself, her grace.

"I love you, so much Mijn Zon. I'm going to find you Liefje. So help me God." I whispered as my fingers traced the screen before me.

I didn't know how much time passed but I closed my eyes and turned away as I let the gaping hole in my chest throb for a minute.

Finally I turned it off and got up from the chair. I was no good to her here and I knew that. So with a calming breath and a sense of resolve I pushed in the chair and shut off the light in the room.

McCarty was standing against the opposite wall when I came out. He just looked at me and nodded. He didn't have to say anything. He knew how I felt. He just slapped me on the back and we proceeded back downstairs.

After a few moments I spoke.

"Did someone get in contact with her boss?"

"Yes. Seth went to meet with him. He should be back in by 10:00."

I looked down at my watch noticing it was only a quarter to ten. McCarty nodded and we started walking to Garrett's office to wait. But just as I was turning to head down the hallway I saw a figure coming out of an interrogation room with two agents.

He looked right at me and his eyes widened in recognition. I just stared at him giving him an intimidating expression. We still hadn't figured out how the truth about Charlie and in turn Bella made its way to Aro Volturi.

But sometime while I was meeting with Fortnight, Charlie had made a call to his second in command at his precinct. They brought Jacob in for questioning and Charlie had been the one to interrogate him first.

He crumbled easily under his surrogate father's pressure and gave up everything about how he got involved with the Draconi organization. He had financial troubles and went to Phil Dwyer for a loan. In return, Dwyer told him that he needed his "help" with the project in Brooklyn. Black thought he was just going to be cloaking a few shipments of steel or maybe some drugs. He didn't know what he was getting into.

But then he realized the money he could make by helping with the organization, and the camaraderie he found amongst the men. Eventually he got sucked in and brought a few other cops with him. Soon enough they were providing shipments of guns, drugs, you name it. But he knew he was in deep and that it was dangerous.

But he adamantly refused that he ever mentioned Bella to any of them. Just as Bella had always suspected, it was obvious to Charlie and McCarty that he was hung up on her all these years.

By the end Charlie had him crying and begging for protection for his wife and kids and a bargain of some sort. He knew how dangerous Demitri and some of the others were in the organization. But before then, he had ignored it, or refused to believe it.

Boy I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall for _that_ one.

The Captain and I had gotten along rather well considering our start. I think he knew how much I loved his daughter and how much I wanted her back. He was in the same position. I had a sneaking suspicion that Captain Swan was much more savvy than Bella ever knew.

After all, he was able to hide all of this from her for so long—something that could _not_ have been easy to do.

The last time McCarty updated me on the situation Charlie turned it over to a few other agents and was speaking with the other cops that worked with Jacob.

As Jacob disappeared from my sight, I wondered if the agents gleaned anything else from him. But I was intent on finding Bella.

I stepped into Garrett's office and noted the papers strewn about on his desk as he was on the phone.

He looked at up and motioned us in.

"Of course." He nodded. "I understand Sir…Yes…yes, good-bye."

He sighed and put down the phone and then he looked up at me.

"What a fucking prick." He said. And for the first time in hours I couldn't contain the laugh that escaped me.

 _Yeah Fortnight wasn't my favorite person right now either._

But it was probably more due to the exhaustion that was taking over me. We were all flying high, none of us had slept since the day before, but it didn't matter. Now with the operation prepared to take down everyone, we were all running on adrenaline.

The last few hours also enlightened to me that Garrett had been left in the dark as well, and he was pissed about it. Shortly after Fortnight and I had our showdown, he and Garrett had a screaming match in his office. I had to say I had a lot more respect for him after that.

"So I'm guessing that was Fortnight." I said.

He waved his hand. "He's on his way to Homeland Security so he can talk to his crony over there." He grumbled.

"We're waiting on Seth." I stated and he nodded.

Like clockwork, the door opened and there stood Seth.

"What do you have?" Garrett asked.

"Not much. But maybe you'll be able to discern more from it." Seth looked right at me and I furrowed my brow perplexed.

"Her boss said that she was at a staff meeting at 5:00 right before she left. He left right after and didn't see her." He took a deep breath.

"But here's the weird part. He said that yesterday morning he got a strange request. Apparently a long time donor wanted her to work on a new exhibit. When I asked him what the exhibit was about—he said animals. What the hell does that mean?" Seth shook his head.

 _Animals. What the fuck?_

"Did he say who the donor was?"

"No. He said the donor wanted to stay silent. But that it cost a pretty penny to get the exhibition there."

Silent.

A sudden suspicious feeling crept up my spine.

"Did he say anything else about the donor?"

"Yes that he admired her work at some fundraiser in July."

 _Oh fuck._

Laurent? He was at the fundraiser.

No. For some reason I instantly pushed that out of my head. He wasn't Il Leone, we had seen him too many times.

 _Kebi?_

No. She didn't talk to him at the fundraiser and we saw him all the time as well. Who did she talk to?

 _Wait, animals?_

"What was the focus of the exhibition again?"

"He said something about Bonnani and animals. I don't know art so…" Seth shrugged but then something struck me.

Bonnani—sculptor of lions.

Italian sculptor of lions.

Il Leone.

But he couldn't have been at the Fundraiser.

Who was at the fundraiser?

 _Oh shit._

All of the air left my lungs in a breath as a suspicion came into my head. That same picture flashed behind my eyes and I stopped for a moment. My eyes widened as I looked at the three agents in the room.

"No fucking way." The words flew out of my mouth.

"What? What's going on E?"

At once, thoughts and words and pictures sprang into my head. I couldn't believe it but I had to.

And I knew where I needed to go to put it all together.

I was off like a shot running to the war room with Emmett, Seth and Garrett behind me.

"E. Seriously man what the fuck is going on!" Emmett shouted.

"I have to get out of here. I have to see something."

I quickly grabbed my Glock, badge and the timeline I had written down earlier and raced out the door. I almost knocked over a surprised Agent Ivanova walking in.

"Cullen?" She asked.

"I have to go. Tanya, talk to Garrett, he'll get you up to speed but I have to go."

I knew they were bringing Tanya in this morning, but I couldn't even think about it at the moment.

I jumped in the same black Tahoe as Seth and Emmett barely closed their doors and I raced out of the parking lot.

"Ok E, are you going to tell me where the fuck we're going."

I was still racing through the possible connections and I could barely speak.

"The Upper East Side, and then the Hamptons."

"Okay…" He trailed off.

But I couldn't talk yet. I needed to see this all for myself. Photographic memory or not, Mijn Broer's words were on repeat in my head. And now it all just made so much sense.

The ride was silent until I pulled onto the street in front of my parents' home. I jumped out of the Tahoe and ran to the back where I knew the secret key would be and opened the house. McCarty and Clearwater were on my tail as I sprinted up to Eric's room and grabbed the box from the top shelf.

I quickly put it under my arm and ran back out of the room. I could hear the two of them huffing behind me as I jumped back in the Tahoe and squealed the tires for the Hamptons.

"Okay seriously E, what the fuck man?"

I gripped the steering wheel as I turned on the lights of the Tahoe. Luckily it was mid-morning so we wouldn't have to deal with rush hour traffic. But nonetheless I was speeding in and out of the lanes heading for the Hamptons.

*&^%$#

 _~Tuesday, September 19, 11:00 A.M. Sixteen Hours Missing~_

"I think my brother left us clues…left me clues." I finally stated.

"What kind of clues?"

"Open that box."

I heard McCarty rifling through it to my right and I grit my teeth.

"Um. A watch, cuff links, chapstick and golf tees. Uh…E this doesn't look like much to me."

"What's the time on the watch."

"September 10, at 8:00 P.M."

"Right, September 10, 2001." I stated and McCarty's face flashed with something. "I bet that's the time he accessed the Anthrax file." I followed up and then continued.

"And I bet if you look in Reycon Pharmaceuticals product line they make chapstick."**

He nodded again as I kept going.

"And the Dutch lion cuff links…the symbol Em. It's the symbol that Jacob saw on Bella, it's the symbol of Il Leone."

"But it's Dutch?"

"I know." I stated with a clenched jaw. We were now on the highway speeding toward my parents' home as I marched on.

"And the golf tees. He didn't golf. He never golfed, but look at the inscription on them."

"Oh fuck." He muttered.

"Right." I said. "It's the same country club that Aro Volturi was a member at. It's outside Trenton, New Jersey. And it was one of the first projects by the Buxton Group."

A deadly silence came over the car. And for me the feeling swept through my entire body, because I suspected one more person who was a member there. But before I could voice it aloud, I had to go through Eric's things again. I had to see it to believe it this time.

McCarty and Clearwater must have sensed my unease and they kept quiet as we sped along. Not soon enough we were pulling up in front of my parents' home.

I could see the unmarked vehicles already. One was down the street and the other was hidden in the side driveway. As I came screeching to a stop, two agents rushed out the door and I jumped out of the vehicle.

"Hands up!" One shouted. I didn't know him, he was young. But I held up my badge and Glock for him to see.

"Agent. I'm SA Cullen. This is my parents' house. I'm the one that requested their protective detail."

He motioned me over as he kept his gun on me. I gave him my credentials and he nodded and lowered his gun as McCarty and Clearwater followed suit.

At last he stepped aside and I took a deep breath. I walked up to the door and rather than knocking, slowly turned the handle. I could hear talking in the dining room and then the house grew silent.

I cleared my throat. "Carlisle." I called out.

Suddenly my father and my mother appeared in the doorway.

"Edward!" My mother exclaimed and then ran over to give me a hug. The air rushed out of me as I looked at my father over her shoulder. I could tell by the look on their faces that they didn't know what was going on.

She pulled back and put her hands on my face. "Edward, what's going on? Last night they sent these agents and told us all to come out here for our safety, but they wouldn't tell me anything about you. I was so worried that something happened." She said tearfully.

I opened my mouth to speak when I looked up to see Alice, Jasper and Rose in the doorway.

"Mom, I promise to explain everything. But I really don't have time right now. I have to get something because…" My breath caught in my throat as I looked at Rose.

"She's missing." I nodded to her and her hand shot to her mouth as she gasped.

My mother looked back at me in question.

"Who's missing?"

"Bella." I said chokedly and her eyes flashed in realization. But it wasn't my mother that spoke. Alice whispered from the doorway and I turned to look at her.

"It was you…" She shook her head. "All that time it was _you_." She said disbelievingly.

My mother glanced back and forth between us and all I could do was nod at Alice.

Jasper closed his eyes and put his arm around Alice then. My father of course knew the full extent of it. But it didn't stop the uproar of questions that came pouring out of my family then.

 _"_ _I can't believe it but it makes so much sense. How long?" Jasper said._

 _"_ _What do you mean it was him? What was him?" My mother asked._

 _"_ _Edward did you say Bella's missing?" My father asked._

"Okay. Stop!" I raised my hands in frustration. "I'm sorry but I don't have much time to explain. We're doing everything we can to find her, which is why I need to get up to Eric's room. I need to go through his files again."

"Edward?" My Dad asked. He could probably see the change in expression on my face.

"Dad. They took her…and…I need you to come upstairs with me." He nodded.

I turned to Rose then and I could see the tears streaming down her face as I swallowed. "Rose, why don't you uh…let everyone know what's going on…except you know." I stuttered.

She took a deep breath and Emmett walked over to her but she waved him away.

I could see Alice's eyes flashing with question at the three of us in FBI issue gear. She knew Emmett as "John", she had no idea about Bella and I and she didn't know anything about Eric.

But I didn't have time to explain…she was waiting on me… _counting_ on me. I could feel it in my heart. I knew she was alive, on some level and I had to put it together to find her and find out _why._

With that, I turned and ran upstairs and marched toward Eric's door once again. This time I didn't feel like I was preparing for battle, instead I felt like I was seeking redemption. I wanted it, craved it, for myself and for my brother.

I opened the door half expecting to see the papers still strewn about. But everything was back where it started. This time I pulled the cabinet completely out of the closet. I was looking for something different.

I was looking for clues to tie _him_ to Aro Volturi. My eyes scanned the statements once again and I noted each of the pieces on the timeline as quickly as possible.

I looked at the withdrawals from his accounts and why he had much less than me. I noticed he withdrew the money in the three months preceding his death, once he started to feel suspicious about everything.

I heard the door open behind me and I looked up to see my father.

"Edward. What's going on?"

"You're never going to believe it…he…was one of us Dad. He was working for the FBI."

"Oh my God!" My Dad gasped.

"I know." I said quietly and then swallowed.

He sat down on the bed and stared at me through wide eyes.

"They took her…whoever killed him…whoever is involved with our investigation…they took her."

"Why?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out Dad. But I have a sinking feeling it's much worse than either of us could have thought. I just need a minute to put this all together."

He nodded and watched me intently.

"Can I help?"

I turned to look at him. He wanted this as badly as I did. He wanted to clear his son's name as well. The problem was the entire conspiracy might be much worse. And I knew it would be harder for my father to handle the _real_ truth than for me.

"Yeah. Here, write these down as I give them to you." I handed him the sheet and we instantly began to work in tandem.

Emmett and Seth must have stayed downstairs to help Rose inform the rest of my family of the situation, which was fine by me. I could only focus on this at the moment and talking about Bella…I couldn't do it. I could only think that we would find her.

We continued to note the dates of the invoices, the canceled will and the date he opened the large account. All of it was right before he died.

Then I pulled out the picture once again and I handed it to my father.

"Do you know who this is Dad?"

"Yes. Where did…where did that come from?" He asked perplexed.

"Didn't you see it before?"

He shook his head "no" as he spoke. "Your mother cleaned this up…after you left. But I don't see why your brother would have a picture of your grandfather."

I knew it. All along. I knew it.

I shook my head. "I think it's more than that Dad."

The file cabinet was now empty, but as I pulled the lower drawer out I noticed something else.

 _How did I not see that before?_

 _Probably because I was in a rage when I came here on Saturday._

I looked at the bottom of the cabinet and noted that it should have been metal. But it wasn't, it looked black.

I hurriedly pulled the entire drawer out and tossed it aside as I looked at the base of the cabinet now. It was at least 4-5 inches deep, much deeper than it should have been.

I pulled on the front cover to see it release and realization set in at the sight before me.

 ******* It was a black box.

An FBI issue black box.

Like the one I had in my stash in Hell's Kitchen, like the one McCarty had and the one Seth had.

But this was Eric's.

I hurriedly pulled it out and turned it. My father was watching me in silent awe as I frantically glanced around the room for the key that I left.

My eyes settled on the dresser where my mother put the key and I quickly jumped up and tossed the box on the bed and opened it.

My brain was racing with a thousand thoughts in one moment, synapses snapping and popping faster than I ever thought possible.

I pulled out his credentials, his Glock, his wire, his cell phone, even his calling card.

Frenzied, I dug deeper and covered my mouth with my hand. It was the paternity test for Eliot. The mother was listed as Angela Weber. The results were a confirmation and the words danced before me on the page.

 _ERIC CULLEN…biological father…probability…99.994%._

He was the father. Eliot was his son. He hadn't lied about that.

I pulled out a trust document and a new will executed on September 5, 2001. It left everything to me, Alice and to Eliot. The trust amount was the amount of all of the withdrawals from his various accounts. He had sneakily been hiding it so that no one could find it.

Well not no one, a certain _someone_.

There was a copy of Eliot's birth certificate but without his name on it.

He was trying to hide Eliot from _him_ all this time. Not from our families or from his mistakes, but from _him_.

 _Jesus Christ._

I heard my father gasp as he looked at the documents and I instantly felt bad, but at the same time I didn't. I really had been protecting Eliot by keeping quiet all these years.

"I promise I'll explain it all later Dad." He looked at me with tears in his eyes and simply nodded.

Turning back to the box, I pulled out another bank statement.

 _Banque Privee_

And finally, finally I had physical proof in front of me. It was the same big account I saw the statement for earlier, but this time, there was another name on the account.

 _Cullen Enterprises_

It held the stock for Van Rijn, for Reycon, for Masen and for Buxton.

It all fit together. Cullen Enterprises financed everything. _He_ was the one behind it all because _he_ had an endless stream of cash, connections and influence to do whatever he wanted.

And now that I pulled the picture closer again, it all fit together.

"Dad." I said shakily. "Who is this in the picture with him?"

"I don't know, but I suspect it's his best friend from prep school, Avey or something like that. They were best friends since they were children. Father has tons of stories about him, but I don't understand why Eric would have a picture of them."

Avey.

A.V.

Aro Volturi.

Suddenly something struck me.

Columbia Prep. Their mascot was the _lions._

Liona meant lioness.

They were the lions. Or rather, he was the lion. I still hadn't completely figured out the status and quirks of their relationship but that didn't matter right now.

Then I thought about the cuff links he gave to Eric, the cuff links which held the symbol.

Everything clicked together like the pieces of a puzzle.

He paid off Eric's debt, he had Eric over a barrel and he wanted him to take over. Eric didn't want anything to do with it and the more he found out, the more concerned he was. He didn't want to expose Eliot to the life so he hid him away.

I swallowed as I thought about the timeline, about Eliot and the evidence before me. It all fit.

Sometime before April of 2000 he made the investments and his "source", as he had tagged him, paid them and had him in his grasps.

In April of 2000 he went to the FBI.

In May of 2000 he hooked up with Angela.

Then in June he must have found something out because he orchestrated the medical record of a friend at Reycon, another Angela W. who was only a few weeks along.

He spent the next few months obtaining information. I thought about our tennis match and what he told me.

 _"_ _I don't know. My boss is riding my ass."_

 _"_ _So you don't like it or…"_

 _"_ _Nah. I'm just sayin' there's no reason to be so loyal sometimes. I wish I wouldn't have done my internship there and…"_

 _"_ _And what?"_

 _"_ _Nothing…just...you're too loyal for your own good E, don't give in to it."_

God, if only I knew at the time, he really did hold a secret, his "boss." But it wasn't Kebi he was talking about. Nor was the loyalty…his loyalty was to someone else who I never would have suspected.

Then Eliot was born in February 2001. And I knew now that he was his child. It was apparent from the records as well as the last conversation I had with him on the patio outside.

 _"_ _I don't know. I wish life was easier sometimes." He sighed. "I want to know him, but I don't want him to be anything like me."_

 _"_ _What? Why? What's wrong with you?"_

 _"_ _Can you just promise me something E?"_

 _"_ _Sure, anything."_

 _"_ _Can you…I mean, if something ever happens to me…will you make sure he knows I loved him. That I wanted to be there."_

In March 2001 he went to Mexico with me and was being obscure again, almost as if he was trying to tell me something without actually saying it.

 _"_ _I know…" He sighed. "But you don't know how it is, being the first Cullen grandchild, and the first boy…you'll never get it E."_

 _"_ _I think you're just being a drama queen."_

 _"_ _Ass...You'll find out. Someday you'll find out it's all not what it seems…"_

But the last was in May 2001, at the Yankees game with Alec Masen. The way they were acting, what they said, now it all made sense.

 _"_ _Pssh. You don't want to be Grandfather's favorite, trust me."_

 _"_ _It's just because you're the oldest." I teased him. "Sometimes it's nice to be the middle child."_

 _"_ _Whatever. I'm the oldest boy and the most Dutch-looking of the family." He said sardonically as he finished his beer. "You know how Grandfather is obsessed with keeping the bloodline and all that."_

 _"_ _Well at least none of us got roped into the business."_

 _"_ _Yeah." Eric frowned and looked back toward the field._

 _That sick, twisted_...he roped him in. He paid off his debt and he somehow was forcing him to help him. I still didn't know if he knew about Bella or how or when Aro found out about it. But at some point they bugged her office.

And they found out about me.

And now Bella was bearing my child, and he was somehow using that against me. He was best friends with Aro Volturi and they now had their ultimate bloodline and perfect reason for taking her _._

 _Our baby._

Rage and disgust instantly shot through my body at the thought.

He killed his own grandson, and now he was trying to use me as well.

With a trembling hand and clenched jaw, I dialed up for headquarters as my father stood over my shoulder and Emmett and Seth kept the rest of my family at bay.

My voice shook from the anger as I forced out words I never could have imagined.

But I was sure of it. This was it. This was the link. It all made perfect sense. It all pressed together like perfectly coordinating puzzle pieces.

Peter's voice came over the line and I took a deep breath.

"Fortnight. I think I know who the big one is. And I think Eric knew all along and he was trying to show me."

 **XXXX**

**Obviously Chapstick is not made by Reycon, since I made up Reycon. But it's a story.


	25. Chapter 25: The Assassin

**Chapter 25: The Assassin**

 ** _Closer by Nine Inch Nails_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

 _~Wednesday, September 20, 12:00 A.M. Twenty-nine Hours Missing~_

I thought of that point in the movie _Casino,_ the one where all the shit goes down and everyone meets there end. The hit men are let loose, the druggies overdose and those that have it coming to them don't even see it until a fucking car explodes or they get a baseball bat to the head.

As I donned my gear which, regardless of the outcome, I would be wearing for the last time tonight, I let that same feeling of the day of reckoning consume me. I wanted it to flow through me, willed it to take over.

It was now my _Casino_ , my moment, my ending, when either I would follow the fate of so many others or I would narrowly escape.

For the last time I welcomed the haze. I welcomed the surging predator within me. I allowed it and I even encouraged it.

I suited in all black—pants, shirt, boots, hat.

Then I turned to put on my devices.

Kevlar.

Glock.

Scoped rifle.

Night vision.

Knife.

And a few other provisions that weren't legal in the States.

But I didn't care.

Not tonight.

Tonight, I was _him_.

I was the dark one…the shadow…the specter.

 _Tonight_ …I was the assassin.

Because I wanted to be…because I _had_ to be.

To get her back.

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

 _~One Hour Earlier~_

 _White blonde hair._

 _The voice._

 _The baby._

 _White blonde hair._

 _My grandfather?_

My eyes danced around the room in an endless query as the thoughts were spinning through my head. I was pacing back and forth and starting to feel like the walls were closing in on me. I knew I should eat more, but ever since I awoke again, I was uneasy.

For some reason I felt like I was missing a big piece of the picture. Something just didn't fit. The whole grandfather thing had me completely perplexed, but what did it mean?

So instead I paced. I paced to keep my nerves under control and my blood pressure in check. I paced to keep my mind off of Edward and the possibility that I might never see him again. And I paced to think and look for another way out.

If this was a hideout there had to be more than one exit or entrance didn't there?

But it had to be night-time, I was sure of it. I had fallen into a fitful sleep again, only to wake up to breakfast on the table. I wanted to throw it across the room, but of course I ate it.

At some point I fell back asleep and when I awoke there was more food for me. But I couldn't eat it. Instead I spent at least the last five hours checking every nook and cranny possible. I even moved the cot, looked behind the refrigerator, and pressed on all of the walls in hopes that there was a false wall or a crack of some sort.

But nothing.

I was stuck here.

Stuck here slowly losing my mind.

But I couldn't think that way. I knew somewhere, on the outside, Edward was doing everything he could to find me. I could feel it in my bones. Like the electrical current that flowed between us or the ache I felt in my chest when he left, I could feel his longing for me, searching for me from afar, and I was trying to return it with everything I had in me.

I was never much of a spiritual person, but if there was one time I wanted to believe it was now.

So I paced—thinking, connecting, reflecting.

My Grandpa Higgenbothom was a union laborer and provided a modest living for my mother and Grandmother. As far as I knew they had little to nothing.

My Grandpa Swan was in the military and died in a car accident when my father was very young. I never knew much about him except that he and my grandmother fell in love right after he came back from the war.

I started thinking about the timelines and the dates and adding it all up in my head. It all worked for the Higgenbothoms. It was simple, middle-class American pie, no more, no less.

I thought about my Grandpa Patrick and Grandma Lucy then. How they met, had my father and my uncle.

The war ended in '45. They met when…

 _Wait a minute._

My father was born in _1954_.

It was the Second World War, I was sure of it. But that would mean a…nine year lapse in time. That didn't seem right?

I ruminated over it more.

If they meant right after the war, then my grandmother would have only been _fourteen_ at the time and I know she came over from Italy when she was _eighteen_.

I stopped pacing.

Something didn't make sense.

Something wasn't adding up.

Grandma said she met Grandpa right after the war, and when she came over from Italy. But it didn't fit. I ran over and over it in my mind. Their ages, the dates, her life, her death.

At that moment a conversation, a memory, flashed through my mind and I as I tried to recall it almost fifteen years later.

 _"_ _Bella, don't go in there, Dad's talking to Grandma." Brad pulled me back as I marched toward the door._

 _"_ _But I want to see her." I cried as my lip quivered. I wasn't stupid, I might be turning thirteen next week, but I knew what was happening. She was dying. The cancer finally got her._

 _Brad sighed and put his arm around me. "I know Belly, but she and Dad are talking about some real important stuff." His eyes flashed with something, but I couldn't make it out through my tears._

 _Brad squeezed my shoulders again. "Do you want a pop jelly belly?"_

 _"_ _I don't have a jelly belly." I sniffled and then Brad and I both started laughing. It felt good to laugh. It seemed like we hadn't laughed in weeks._

 _"_ _Yeah." I said quietly and Brad turned to walk downstairs to Grandma's kitchen to fetch me a pop._

 _My eyes followed him, but once he was gone I turned back at the door and couldn't help but press my ear up to it. I wanted to be in there with Grandma. I wanted to sit on her bed and have her braid my hair like she always did._

 _"_ _Mom, you know that Brad and I will do everything we can to protect her." My Dad said._

 _I could hear her raspy voice. She was so quiet now that she was sick. But the walls and doors were always thin in this house and I could still hear every bit._

 _"_ _Just promise me Charles…you'll always be a Swan._ He _doesn't mean anything."_

 _"_ _I will Mom. I promise."_

 _Just then I heard Brad coming back down the hall and I jumped away from the door. I gave him a toothy grin as he handed me my pop and I cracked it open._

 _"_ _C'mon Belly, let's go to Dad's old room and look at his pictures."_

 _"_ _Okay." I said halfheartedly._

As I snapped out of my memory, those few words kept replaying over and over in my head.

 _You'll always be a Swan._

 _You'll always be a Swan._

What could that mean? That he wasn't r _eally_ a Swan?

Could my father be the son of someone else…someone dangerous?

 _Brad and I will do everything we can to protect her._

Were they talking about me?

They had to be.

I ruminated over their words, trying to come up with anything else I possibly could from my childhood. But nothing fit. There were no pictures of other men. Grandma didn't have any jewelry or artwork in her home of…

Wait.

I pulled out the pendant from around my neck and fingered it intently.

Lion.

Bonnani and lion.

The symbol of the Lion.

The picture of a lion.

 _"_ _Grandma, do you like my picture?" My eight year old voice asked excitedly._

 _"_ _It's lovely Isabella. Is it a lion?" She smiled kindly._

 _"_ _Yes! Cats are my favorite, especially lions, they're so pretty. It's like your necklace Grandma."_

 _"_ _They are pretty Isabella." She said quietly as she fingered the pendant around her neck. "But you can't get too close to them, they could bite."_

 _"_ _Silly Grandma, lions don't bite, they're at the zoo."_

 _"_ _Ah, but lions are big and strong. You have to be careful, even if they are at the zoo."_

 _"_ _Not my lion, my lion would be nice, he'd never bite anyone." I said as I kept painting with my water-colors._

The necklace. She had a necklace with a lion too.

The lion. Bonnani's sculptures of _lions._

My mind was racing through what that could mean. A million questions were popping into my head.

What could it all mean?

Suddenly something rang from outside the room. I spun around trying to figure out where it came from. But I was on the opposite wall to the door.

That's funny. I swear I heard a cell phone or something.

I watched the door intently and listened to the utter quiet.

 _What is that?_

 _Footsteps?_

I instantly became tense. Sometime while I was sleeping Demitri had brought me more food, but I hadn't eaten any of it. I pressed my back against the wall and waited. But as I stood their stiffly I could feel the slightest breeze across my legs.

Where is that coming from?

Before I could look, I heard the locks turning on the door and I stood rigidly waiting.

But I wasn't met by coal black eyes and hair this time.

This time, I was met with white blonde and ice blue and they were piercing through me.

"Huh!" I gasped and my hand flew over my mouth as I realized who was standing before me.

Lion.

Dutch Lion.

The Lion.

Il Leone.

White blonde hair and an overcoat.

The symbol.

That's what I saw in Alec's drawer that night.

That's why Jacob looked at my necklace strangely.

It was _him._

The voice. The proper, arrogant voice.

My eyes danced across his face as he stood there staring at me with pursed lips. As always he was dressed to perfection in shiny light gray suit and blue shirt which made his cold eyes even more threatening.

"Isabella. And so we meet again."

Before I could register what was happening, or put together all of the thoughts blasting through my head, the sickening realization of why he was here and who he could be overtook me and the next thing I knew I met blackness.

*&^%$#

"Isabella…"

The voice was echoing, almost as if I was under water.

"Isabella..."

A shiver ran up my spine and I could feel the clammy dampness down my back. Cold hands were shaking my shoulders.

My lids were heavy and my eyes fought to open them. At last they flickered and bits of light were blinding me from overhead.

"Isabella, my lovely, come about now." The voice was cloudy in my ears.

I tried to focus on the man before me, but all of the memories and revelations came rushing back to me again. I shut my eyes and turned away from him, not wanting to look into his steely glare.

"Ah, Il Nipote, there you are." He gave me a smile and I shuddered away from him.

I struggled to sit up, still queasy from fainting. I wasn't generally a fainter but being near him, knowing what I knew now, made me want to vomit again.

 _Huh, must be a theme with these bad guys._

At last I looked up and slowly grabbed the wall.

Jan attempted to help me but I turned away from him as I pulled myself onto the cot and sat trying to get my bearings.

I didn't know how much time passed until I saw a bottle of water connected to a wrinkled pale hand. I took it reluctantly, but I was very thirsty and very tired after my episode. I knew I wasn't out long but that didn't matter.

"What do you think of our little hideout Isabella?" He asked as he gestured around. I raised my eyes to his and I could see the mocking look there.

"I think it's grotesque." I finally said.

He laughed dryly and leaned against the table. For as old as he was, he didn't look it, or act like it.

"Grotesque, hmmm. Such a fiery woman, you remind me of my daughter-in-law. I can see why my grandson is enamored with you."

I blanched. I didn't want to hear a word out of his mouth about Edward. To think he was behind all of this, that he was Il Leone made me sick. I knew it would rock Edward's world as well. I couldn't believe it.

As my head was clearer and my vision steadied before me. I looked at him in his perfect suit and hair. No wonder he could never be seen, be caught. God forbid Jan Cullen is tied to anything like this.

Immediately, I had to know. I had to ask. I was entitled to it.

I cleared my throat as the words burned through my lips.

"Why did you bring me here? I haven't done anything."

He laughed sinisterly and shook his head.

"You really don't know do you? And all this time we thought you did. I mean how could anyone keep that secret for what…fifty years?"

"What are you talking about?" My eyes narrowed in question.

"Your grandmother of course." He said darkly.

 _My grandmother?_

 _Shit so I really was on to something before._

I shook my head. "I don't understand."

He tsked. "So innocent. So sad. You want to know why you're here."

"Yes." I said firmly.

"You're Il Nipote."

"Il Nipote? What does that mean?"

"What does that mean?" He mocked me. "The granddaughter of Liona Volturi, my best _friend's_ long lost wife…or so he thought." He sneered.

 _Liona Volturi? Who the hell was that?_

I knew who Aro Volturi was. He was the most renowned mobster of the twentieth century. Everyone knew who he was, he was like Al Capone.

 _But how could this remotely be about him?_

 _What the fuck was going on?_

"I think you're mistaken." I finally said, shaking my head vigorously. But he pushed off of the table and crossed his arms and stepped back.

"Oh no, of course if you _really_ didn't know, you would know her as Luciana Rinaldi or Lucy Swan now wouldn't you?"

He turned to look at me and shock ran through my body. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open.

Aro Volturi's long lost wife.

 _You'll always be a Swan._

My Grandma Lucy was a _Volturi?_

 _Was he saying that…?_

I swallowed thickly and had to force the dizziness out of my head once again.

"Ah now, Isabella, we can't have you fainting all the time. You're carrying my great-grandchild. Mine and Aro's."

 _Holy fuck._

 _What!_

Acid hit the back of my throat and I pushed it down as I clenched my fists.

 _What the hell is happening?_

This has to be a mistake. This all has to be a mistake.

 _You'll always be a Swan._

 _Brad and I will do everything we can to protect her._

Protect me. Protect me from what?

Aro Volturi?

"This is wrong. It's not true." I stated adamantly.

"Oh it's true. It's as true as the fact that Aro is sitting in jail and it's as true as the fact that he spent years _mourning_ the loss of a wife who never died." He said snidely.

Suddenly I snapped. I didn't know anything about what he was talking about. But everything was coming together. The symbol, my connection to the investigation, James dating me, Alec's warnings—all of it was starting to make sense. And with it came an eerie sense of need—a need to know exactly what I had been kept in the dark about for so long, a need to know why I was the connection.

"Well since I obviously have no idea what you are talking about maybe you could explain it to me, because apparently we have all the time in the world down here."

He chuckled darkly. "As you wish Isabella."

He turned to me then. "What do you want to know? I'll tell you anything because I know you will never see anyone again."

I cringed internally but I kept a straight face.

"Fine. What happened between my grandmother and your _friend_ Aro?" I spat.

He looked at me then and before I knew it he was giving me a tall tale about my grandmother coming over from Italy to an arranged marriage. That her husband, Aro, was completely and totally in love with her from the moment he saw her. Then she was "killed" in a fiery car crash and Aro was devastated. He went on to remarry, but something about the crash and the fact that they never recovered a body made him always question it. He would have done anything to get _Liona_ back. He was obsessed with it, consumed by it his entire life. He was close only a few years after she "died" but the evidence he had went off a pier in the middle of the night.

 _Holy shit, Grandpa Swan's car crash! He went off a pier._

I swallowed at my realization and continued to listen. Apparently, he was certain that she was alive somewhere and not dead. For years he never gave up on it.

"So let me get this straight." I said dryly. "My grandmother was the wife of your best friend, the biggest mobster of the twentieth century? What does that have to do with me; or you for that matter?"

"Ah innocent Isabella, always so insightful, so inquisitive. Demitri said you were like this." His eyes danced evilly.

"I think it's only fair that I know." I glared at him.

"True." He tsked.

"How did he find out then? Because even _I_ never knew about it."

"Well isn't that the question." He stated, but before I could make another snide comment he continued. "Oh if only your step-father knew what a gem he stumbled upon."

My step-father .

"Phil? What does this have to do with him?"

"He's one of my associates of course. Well really he just works for me. Everyone works for _me_." He said haughtily.

"So Phil told you this. I have a hard time believing that since my father hates him."

"He didn't tell us. It was more of an… _observation_. A stunning and remarkable observation."

I shook my head.

"How so?"

"He knew your grandmother and he saw pictures of her all over your home. And at first he didn't think anything of it. But then when he joined our little…venture about ten years ago, he mentioned something to Aro about his step-daughter and showed him your picture. And there you were, staring back at Aro as if fifty years had never passed. The face of his long lost _Liona_."

 _Oh my God._

 _Is he serious about this?_

"Of course as soon as Aro saw that, he was hell bent on finding out where Phil got it. He used every mole and former undercover officer he could find. Sure enough. Liona had lived on. Of course she was dead at the time, but he couldn't believe it."

"So why didn't he come to me then. Or my father? Or my brother? If he was as obsessed as you say he was."

"Because by then the FBI was breathing down his neck. Trust me, he wanted to, in fact he almost requested that I go get you then—his rightful granddaughter. Your father was much too old and your brother was dead. But the epitome of his lovely Liona was alive and well. Surely you can imagine how shocked he was after all that time."

"I don't believe you." I said resolutely. "That one picture could turn it all."

"Believe it or not it's true." He shrugged nonchalantly.

I mulled over it. It all seemed impossible. But then I thought about the conversation I overheard with Alec and him. They did know. They knew all the way back then.

"What about Alec?" It flew out of my mouth before I had the chance to think.

He laughed evilly again and I cringed.

"Oh yes, it appears everyone is sucked into your grasps Isabella. Just like Liona. Just like all you evil vindictive women." He trailed off.

I didn't know what _that_ meant, but it didn't matter because he kept going.

"Alec, was…a problem from the beginning. We wanted him to sell his shares and just to spite his father he wouldn't do it." He said. "Eventually we just had to take things into our own hands." He said nonchalantly.

Bile rose in my throat again as I thought of what he meant by that. He was the one who ordered to have Alec killed.

What a sick twisted nightmare of a man?

"Why?" I rasped.

Laughs sinisterly. "Just so innocent. Leverage my dear. What a beautiful coincidence that Masen would give up everything for you. You know he left to protect you the first time. I always suspected that he still loved you but he said he broke it off. And he never came back…until four months ago. But he still wouldn't sell his shares and we realized he was attempting to contact you."

The flowers.

Fuck.

Why couldn't I have realized it earlier?

 _But wait? How would they know about that?_

"How did you…?"

"Oh Isabella, you want all of my secrets don't you." He shook his head. "I suppose I could tell you since you won't be going anywhere, at least anywhere out of our sights." He said.

"We bugged your office. And I learned so many intriguing things about you then. About your Apollo, your friends, your situation with the flowers…and of course with that precious gem that you are carrying inside of you."

"Oh my God!" I gasped.

They bugged my office. But with what?

My mind raced over the last few months, at any time someone could have been in there, or something I received.

Suddenly it dawned on me.

 _The donor._

 _The thank you gift._

 _The bowl._

"It was you." I stated. "You sent the bowl, you wanted me to work on the new exhibit. You're him. You're Il Leone. And that's why you wanted to get rid of me. I saw you that night at Alec's." I said.

"Perceptive Isabella." He pursed his lips again.

"Why didn't you just have me killed then?" I spat.

"Because my _friend_ would never let me do that. He wouldn't let his granddaughter be killed. It was his one plea, and so I upheld it." He snapped. "And now I'm glad I did." His eyes danced evilly.

"But he was in jail. He was gone, why not have free reign over everything." I taunted him. He was just as cocky as Demitri—worse really.

"Because I only ran the financials for the organization. I was the brains behind it all. Aro called the day to day shots, and he was a Volturi—a Don in waiting from the time he was a child. He was the face and I was able to remain unseen."

"But the symbol?" I sputtered in question.

"Ah, yes. He always liked it." He shook his head. "My little symbol, the one that had been passed down for so long. I told him that it would get him caught one day but he never listened to me, and he had so many of the damn things made and passed throughout the organization. And of course my family always used them for luck." He laughed sinisterly and I shuddered.

"How is it you are Il Leone then?"

"Because no one knew I wasn't Italian. It was perfect. All of the lower levels of the organization could go on believing as they wanted. Fearing the mystery. I guess it is quite fitting though."

I just stared at him in disbelief.

"So what is it you want from me?" I finally asked resolutely.

"What my other grandson couldn't give me."

"What?" I said angrily.

"The ultimate revenge."

"How am I your revenge?" My blood was boiling by that point.

"Ah Isabella. So determined, and bold. So much like the original. I can only imagine what a boisterous and strong-willed child will come of that."

I gasped and covered my mouth again.

 _This was crazy. Was I in the twilight zone? When was I going to wake up from this?_

I pinched myself discreetly, hoping that I would somehow wake up back in my bed with Edward.

But to no avail.

Jan and his steely eyes and pale skin were still standing before me. I could hardly look at the man, but I didn't want to show him how much he got under my skin. He and Demitri, all of them were evil. And now as the pieces of the puzzle were coming together it was exactly as Edward feared all along. It wasn't coincidence that I was connected to all these evil men. It was blood, it was years of obsession.

And now I was standing in the cross-fire. Me and…

 _Oh my god._

A stunning realization hit me like a wrecking ball. If I was really Aro Volturi's granddaughter, and Edward was Jan's grandson, then our child…

"That's why you want me." I shouted. "That's why you haven't killed me by now. Because you want…my baby. Our baby."

"Putting it all together Isabella?" He quirked one white eyebrow at me.

"The heir, my fair Bella. Isn't it perfect that you are his granddaughter and you are carrying my grandsons' child. It's quite fitting actually." He stalked over to me then.

"But of course that's not the only reason." He spat.

Rage was coursing through my body as Demitri's words from earlier ran through my brain and were confirmed by the evil man before me.

 _How could he?_

"How could you do this? To your grandsons, to both of them?" I asked.

He scoffed and raised his hands.

"My grandsons! Do you know where family loyalty has gotten me? Where any loyalty has gotten me?" He shouted and I leaned back.

"It got me bankrupt. It got me married to the wicked witch of the west, and it got me ungrateful children and grandchildren. It got me betrayed. That's where it got me." He spewed.

"Ungrateful. Well how could they be grateful? Look how you treated them." I stood up and waved my hand. He eyed me down and I stopped in my tracks. We were at a stand-off, regardless of his age, I knew I couldn't take him, and there was likely someone right outside the door if I tried anyhow.

"Treated them. Treated them!" He spat. "I set Eric up perfectly to have the largest fortune he could possibly imagine. I created my empire. I run things. I gave him everything possible! And how did he repay me, he turned on me!"

 _Eric turned on him?_

 _Holy shit!_

But before I could wrap my mind around what he was saying he continued his tirade.

"I groomed him from the time he was a child. Carlisle was too soft-hearted, too weak for this kind of business. But Eric, Eric had the edge, had the desire for the power, the wealth, the life. He was to take over the empire, and take it to the next step. But then he turned on me, and not only that he forced the girl he got pregnant to have an abortion—there was no heir to the throne of actual Cullen blood." He was fuming and turning red before me.

 _Dear God, this man thinks he's a king, a king of his own universe._

So many thoughts were racing through my head as I looked at him. He was decrepit, in his fancy suit and his slicked back hair. He was a thug, no better or worse than one that worked a street corner.

I thought about the papers that Edward told me about when something struck me.

 _He doesn't know about Eliot!_

 _If Eliot is really Eric's son, then maybe he wanted to keep him hidden for more reasons than Edward thought!_

I couldn't believe the realizations of this day. This was impossible. He thought Eric screwed him over so now he was going to go through Edward.

 _Over my dead body._

"So now you want Edward's child. You realize he's not going to give in to you either. You know he's going to do anything he can to get me back." I pierced him with my gaze.

He drew a breath and gave me a sickening stare. "Oh yes, Isabella. I know that. You are his weakness, just as Liona was Aro's. Just as…" He stopped and then narrowed his eyes. "He will go to the ends of the Earth to find you. Which is why we'll be moving you soon enough."

 _Moving me?_

 _Shit!_

 _Fuck, fuck._

 _Keep him talking, keep him—anything—I just needed to buy as much time as possible._

"If you're so smart, so thorough, how did you not know Edward was investigating you until recently?" I asked.

He flinched and I could tell I pierced his arrogant shield a bit.

"Whenever I tried to find out what missions he was assigned to it was locked up tighter than a drum. I know his strengths. He could have been the best to take over, even better than Eric. I knew that from the time he was a child. But Edward…Edward was just like his bitch of a mother, an idealist."

 _Oh you asshole._

 _How could he say that about him, about Esme?_

Was his view of the world so sick and perverted that he honestly couldn't see how twisted he was?

Apparently not.

But that didn't stop the red from creeping up my cheeks and burning me from my chest to my ears.

I put my hands on my hips and lifted my chin.

"Well I would rather have an idealist than a pig any day."

His eyes flashed in anger and he stepped closer to me."

"Too bad an idealist doesn't realize to cover their tracks." He said to me darkly.

I swallowed.

"What do you mean?"

"I knew Edward was in the FBI, but I didn't know he was investigating us…until recently, when he took out six of my men. Unfortunately he didn't check to make sure they were all dead. And when one of them came in, and said he was attacked by a man with crazy green eyes and bronze hair, it all clicked. And I knew he was just like the rest of them. A traitor." He sneered.

I shuddered at the contempt this man had for his family, for his life, for everything.

 _What could cause someone to be so wicked?_

 _What could make someone so in need of power and so filled with rage and vengeance?_

I turned my head away from him in disgust.

I had to get out of here. I had to do something soon.

He stepped closer, until he was almost hovering over me and I was seething with anger.

"Ah you do look extraordinarily like Liona."

"Her name was Luciana." I snapped, but he just kept going.

"I met her you know. She hated me. She would probably be appalled to know you were carrying my flesh and blood." He laughed darkly.

I recoiled from him.

"She would have loved Edward. It has nothing to do with you. This is _his_ baby. Not yours." I snapped again.

"Oh Isabella…you really are determined, such a beautiful and dapper woman." He ran his hand along my jaw and I cringed. "It's sad that I won't get to know you."

"What?" I gasped.

"Oh I'm not going to stick around. They'll take you…to a secret place. Edward will have a choice. Either he can join me or never see either of you again. Either way I get my heir. It's quite simple really."

Oh my God. He was going to force Edward to make a choice. Either me or him; either he succumbs to his demands or he takes our child.

I had to get out of here. I had to do… _something_ , before it was too late.

I slapped his hand away from me and he stepped back and chuckled darkly once again.

"You see Isabella, everything comes as a cost. My life, your life, everyone's. Someday, you will understand."

I shuddered and finally he turned to leave.

"You won't get away with this!" I shouted at him.

"You should know by now that I always do." He responded and with that he slammed the door behind him.

I wanted to scream, cry, anything possible to rid my body of the anxiety that was coursing through my veins at the moment.

But I knew I didn't have time. I didn't have time to wallow anymore. I didn't have time to sit and think about possibilities and connections.

I had to get out.

And finally I knew just where I needed to start.

I walked over to the wall where I felt the breeze and instantly began inspecting it. The bricks were a bit different color down a central line from one to the next. I tried to peer at the line and detected a crack.

My mind was instantly racing with what I could possibly use as a lever. I pressed against the wall and it felt like cement, but yet I could almost feel it move under my hands.

There has to be something…a button, or something that triggers it.

I looked around on the floor frantically trying to find a knob or a switch.

But nothing.

I sighed in frustration as I looked around the room again.

There has to be a way out…it has to be connected to something.

I started thinking through all the times Brad would hide things from me when I was a kid. Or when he would regale his tales from taking down one petty criminal to the next.

 _"_ _Bella, always look in every possible area."_

C'mon Braddy, help me out here. I begged my brother, wherever he was, to help me.

Then I thought of it—the time he chased a kid down the street after he robbed the local gas station. The kid climbed a tree thinking Brad would run right by. But not my brother.

I remembered then what he said.

 _"_ _Everyone looks down, but no one looks up."_

Everyone looks down.

But no one looks up.

My eyes instantly shot to the ceiling and I followed the lines of the wall as they connected. The plaster was peeling away a bit but I looked for anything I could that might open the door.

It had to be connected to something, to some device here, something to mask it.

 _What didn't they want me to find in here? What was it they didn't want me to see or use?_

I pondered it and kept searching when at last my eyes settled on the refrigerator yet again.

They locked it. It was the only thing. The cupboards were bare, but they were open, along with the drawers and the toilet and chairs.

But not the refrigerator.

I ran over to it and once again looked behind it as I had before. My eyes followed the electrical wire as it ran up the wall an out to an unknown place behind the cement.

I lightly pulled on the wire to be met with nothing and frustrated tried to shove the fridge aside, but it was heavy.

After several attempts, which made me break out in a sweat and had me panting for breath, the fridge moved a bit and I could now look behind it more fully.

I took in the back, not really knowing what I was looking for but just trying to see anything out of place.

I glanced from the wall to the fridge and back again, when I noticed that a wire seemed out of place. I reached up to pull on it when suddenly, I stepped back.

If I was going to escape, or try to escape, I needed something with me, a weapon, anything to help me get away.

My eyes frantically swept the room, taking in possibilities.

At last I settled on the tray of food on the table. The silverware was all plastic, and so were the bowls. But the tray looked sturdier.

I grabbed the tray and smashed it over the chair and it broke into five pieces, one of which was a nice long slivered edge. I ran my finger over it to see how sharp it was and after determining that it would work I tucked it into my hand. Hastily, I discarded my heels that I was still wearing from work the day before. I wouldn't be able to run in those. I knew I was better off barefoot.

But then I looked down at myself and frowned.

 _The great escape._

 _Shit._

 _Wow a piece of plastic, a false door and running barefoot in a skirt. If this really works they're going to need to write me into an episode of MacGyver or something._

Maybe my brain was going delirious with the walls around me or the revelations of the night, but I chuckled under my breath as I thought about the ridiculousness of my plan.

I was nervous. Damn nervous.

But I pushed it down and closed my eyes and took a cleansing breath.

I had no other option.

They were going to take me, take us, from Edward, from everyone. And for how long I didn't know. It was possibly forever. I just knew that Jan Cullen was the most evil man I had ever met. That he could even produce children like Carlisle or grandchildren like Edward was beyond me.

But he had.

And I had to get away, before I didn't have another chance.

I steeled my resolve once again and prepared to act, when suddenly I heard commotion on the other side of the steel door.

My eyes shot to it and without thinking I turned back and yanked on the cord connecting something from the fridge to the wall.

The wall moved open just enough that I could get through. While I could hear the voices on the other side of the steel door, I also heard gunfire and I was off like shot through my exit.

I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see, I just knew I had to get out of there and fast.

My mind was racing as I hit the set of stairs I recalled from the night before and scrambled up the twenty-some steps. I had no idea where I was going or what was waiting on the other side. But as I reached the door at the top, I slowed and listened. I didn't hear anything so I slowly opened it only to be met by blackness.

Just as I was about to step out, a hand clamped over my mouth and terror shot through my body.

"Don't take another step." He snarled.

 _Fuck!_

I tensed, trying to decide what to do.

Then suddenly I heard more voices and I could almost feel the current, the electricity that I always felt from him.

They were here.

 _He_ was here.

He was out there somewhere. My eyes finally adjusted to the night and all I saw before me was a fuzzy horizon of rolling hills.

Without another thought, I recalled the self-defense moves that I learned and took a deep breath.

I held it…and then I elbowed him as hard as possible in the ribs and drove the plastic shard into his leg.

He stumbled and lost his grip, but was enough that I could wiggle free and once again I took off running. This time I aimed for a sound in the distance.

I had no idea where I was, no idea where to go. But something was drawing me to that sound. It sounded like a helicopter.

 _That had to be the FBI right._

And so I ran. The dew of the grass was wet under my feet and I could hear my skirt tearing at the edges as I stretched my legs farther and faster.

But as I drew closer and closer, I could hear someone behind me. Someone else was closing in.

So I took a deep breath and screamed for my life, to the only person, the only one who would hear me in the darkness and the chaos of the night. The only one who I knew could find me.

My savior.

"Edward!"

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

I was pacing frantically in front of the investigation board. We had put together most of the pieces but the one thing we couldn't figure out, the one connection we couldn't make, was the most important one: Where did they take her?

I wanted to pull my hair out, I was spent. I was tired and frustrated and my insides were eating away at themselves between the coffee and lack of food and sleep. Not to mention the nagging, biting feeling that I might never see her again.

I was dying inside.

The chair hit against my leg at my last pass and I realized I was alone in the conference room. I finally slumped into it, giving in to the need to rest my legs.

I only wished my mind could rest.

I couldn't believe the turn of events of the last three days. To find out I was gaining everything in the world—everything I never knew I always wanted. And then to have it so viciously ripped away from me made the pain almost unbearable. But I masked it, because I had to focus on getting her back. And I knew it would never go away if I didn't get her back.

Finding out about Eric, Eliot, all of it helped. In all actuality it helped immensely. But I couldn't help to feel that fate was playing an evil trick on me, like it was making me choose.

And I hated it.

I hated the feeling of absolute lack of control and desperation.

I had always wanted control, needed it. I was a child of two wonderful people, but nonetheless two perfectionists. I was a Type A personality to a tee and when things didn't go my way or went off of my plan I lost my shit.

And this was the ultimate derailment.

I sighed and put my head in my hands as I thought back on my day. As soon as the revelations about Eric struck me like a bolt of lightning, I couldn't stop staring at it—the box before me with the FBI issued kit. The documents, the paper trail, the connections.

Once I called Fortnight and told him that my grandfather was the one behind it all he told me to come back in because he was sure the internal analysts wouldn't take long to put the pieces together.

But before I could do that I had to make some sort of amends with my family. Eliot was sprung on my father like water on a cat. He was shocked, angry, hurt and elated all at the same time.

Yet I didn't have the time to tell him about it all just then. So I did what I could and tried to explain and make him understand…

 _I turned back to my father. I couldn't help but see both the intense relief and the sadness in his eyes. My heart ached at the sight…_

 _"_ _Edward." He swallowed._

 _"_ _Dad…" I sighed. "I don't know what to say…this…this wasn't supposed to happen this way."_

 _"_ _How could you?" He said sadly and I instantly felt immense regret._

 _"_ _I promised him. To keep him safe."_

 _He started to say something, but then stopped and restarted again. "I guess Eric was keeping him from…father." He gulped in a breath of air. My Dad was fifty-nine, the possibility of a heart attack wasn't completely out of line, so I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed as the heaviness settled around us._

 _"_ _Remember the night we found out about Eric…at your office."_

 _He looked at me then and nodded._

 _"_ _We were going to tell you then…Bella was going to help me and Angela was going to bring Eliot over to meet everyone." I looked away. "I see now how wrong it was, to keep him from you. But maybe it was all for the best in some twisted way because…_ he _never found out about him."_

 _My Dad sighed and closed his eyes. "I can see that Edward, but I still don't think I fully understand."_

 _I licked my lips as my throat ran dry and I looked back up at him._

 _"_ _Bella's pregnant." I whispered._

 _"_ _What?" His eyes popped open._

 _My heart ached as I said the next part. "And I'm pretty sure that's why they took her."_

 _He shook his head, realization setting in. I didn't have to tell him about everything, he knew grandfather even if their relationship was at best strained. And he was a smart man; it wouldn't take much for him to fit it together._

 _"_ _Because she's Aro Volturi's long lost granddaughter." I finished._

 _His opened his mouth, but no sound came out. The shock which played across his face said enough._

 _"_ _I know. I was speechless when I found out too. It's all only come to a head in the last few days. The case broke, but…" I closed my eyes as I dropped my head._

 _Just then I felt his hand on my shoulder and I looked up._

 _"_ _You just do what you have to. Get her back. We'll figure the rest out later. Okay?"_

 _I simply nodded in response. He must have been able to read the absolute pain and desperation across my face. He knew I didn't have time to deal with everything regarding Eliot right now, or the fact that Bella and I were together and having a baby._

 _So once I finally felt my legs under me and I turned to leave, my father only asked me one question as I opened the door of Eric's room._

 _"_ _What's he look like?"_

 _I didn't have to ask. I knew exactly who he was talking about and I smiled to myself._

 _"_ _He looks just like him Dad…just like Eric."_

 _His eyes welled with tears and I gave him a half-smile before I headed downstairs to get Emmett and Seth. I promised the rest of my family I would explain everything later and we quickly left._

As soon as we got back to the headquarters, we submitted all the information to the analysts then. I informed Garrett that we needed to have protective custody put on Angela and Eliot. Then I called her to let her know that something was going on, which once again I would explain later, and that it was for their safety. She was obviously surprised and worried.

But I didn't have time to think about that right now either.

I was like an overfilled balloon just waiting to pop. My mind was swimming with answers and questions and everything in between.

Cullen Enterprises had funded the most notorious gangster organization of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. My grandfather had been very skilled at hiding everything in off-shore accounts in Switzerland including Banque Privee and the Bank of Geneva.

Although my father didn't know much about his relationship with Aro Volturi, apparently it spanned nearly three-quarters of a century. When they brought my grandmother in for questioning the look on her snotty face was one of absolute disbelief.

She explained how he and Aro grew up together and went through Columbia prep. But the two became very tight when Jan—as I was going to call him now, he was not related to me as far as I was concerned—went off to college. Jan attended Penn in Philadelphia and at the same time Aro began his rise to become a made man and eventually the Don for the Volturi crime family. He went to live under the tutelage of his uncles in Philly and the two were tight as ever.

And then something happened.

But my grandmother either didn't know or wouldn't say, because during his first year at Penn he had a falling out with my great-grandfather and with Aro. It was at that time that he was introduced to Sasha and the two married quickly only six months later.

At that point, Jan finished college and Sasha had my father. Once they moved back to New York, Sasha said that he was always distant. He was never a warm person to begin with, and she even admitted that their relationship was more of a business venture than a marriage.

This wasn't news to me, it was as I suspected. But when I started thinking about the timing of it all and when he met her I had a sneaking suspicion that there was something else. Something happened between Aro and Jan that defined their relationship, and I didn't know what it was.

Beyond that, Sasha couldn't provide much. She said the two remained friends over the years but Jan distanced himself as Aro became more prevalent in the papers.

 _God forbid a Cullen's name be in the papers for something bad._

I took it in stride, at first. Sasha was just as cold as Jan, she only wanted the fame and fortune of the Cullen name and so it was likely that she really was cut out of the loop regarding most of his ventures.

So when the analysts came back a mere hour later and informed us that the reasons for Jan's turn to the dark side were relatively apparent, I was once again shocked for the umpteenth time in the last few days.

We always thought, and it was always represented, that the Cullens had money back to the settlers. But in reality that was not the case. In fact, old man Cullen, Jan's father had squandered much of the family fortune in bad investments. Other than the trusts which were set up for the children and grandchildren, he had spent nearly every cent. Jan was left with rubble and a company that was in shambles. During most of his life he had pretended to be an heir to one of the great names of New York when in actuality they had nothing.

So who did he turn to, when he had a wife and by that time two children and a third on the way?

Aro Volturi.

Jan was a remarkable businessman and eventually turned the money Aro loaned him into millions of dollars, although it was all at the hands of an illegal underground crime ring.

But to him that didn't matter for some reason.

And that was the one piece I still hadn't figured out. What made him turn _so_ cold? What made him snap? What happened that first year in Philadelphia? What made him become so obsessed with the wealth to get involved with things as heinous as slave trade, drugs and biological weapons?

That was something I still hadn't figured out.

That, and how Aro Volturi finally came to find out about Bella.

As for the others, they all came under his "rule" at some point and could never get out. Although Aro had loaned Jan the money, Jan quickly surpassed him in wealth. It appeared that Aro ran the day to day of the operation, as we suspected, which was why we never came across it when we took down Volturi. But he was the silent funder for over fifty businesses and entrepreneurships tied to organized crime.

So when Thomas Masen—the younger brother of another Columbia prep friend—needed a loan in the eighties to pull his construction company up from the ashes he turned to Aro Volturi. When Jim Buxton couldn't pay off his gambling debts, he turned to Aro Volturi and the Buxton Group was formed. It wasn't long before several others had fallen in line behind them. And some were just plain evil and wanted a piece of the tax-free cash the illegal trades provided—like Aman Kebi and Laurent Dufour.

But during it all, behind it all was Jan. He was the mastermind, the one with the endless resources by the time he was only forty-five years old and he was the one who became notorious in his own right within the organization.

Because he wasn't there. He was _Il Leone_ , the lion, the secret one, the dark one.

At some point Phil Dwyer came into the picture and had his own gambling debts that needed to be paid. He got involved with Buxton and the rest of the lot in 2002. The timing made only perfect sense—Bella was dating Alec, Aro Volturi was on the run from the FBI at that point and Jan had everyone right where he wanted them. So even though I wasn't sure how they found out about Bella, I knew that it somehow had to do with Dwyer.

The ties and the secret accounts were stupefying. It was vaster than we ever expected. If we succeeded on this bust and took down the largest organized crime ring in the modern world it would be epic.

Yet at the moment I couldn't bring myself to think about that. I _wanted_ to have the adrenaline racing through my veins. I _wanted_ to be out on the bust that brought in these dark wicked men—and women. And I _wanted_ to feel that sense of completion and pride with what I knew was going to transpire in literally the next several hours.

But I couldn't; because at the moment all I could see behind my eyes as I held my head in my hands was her. All I could think about, all I could feel was her. I felt like a steel rod standing in the middle of an open field during a lightning storm. I was just waiting for the bolt to strike and send me to an almost certain death.

A death I deserved, because it was all my fault to begin with. If I had just waited until the mission ended to see her then she wouldn't be gone. If I had just stayed away she wouldn't be carrying my child and maybe they wouldn't have taken her.

But the conflicting emotions that ran through me were killing me. If I had waited, I wouldn't have her, she wouldn't be having my child and who knew if I would have ever found out any of it. It was the ultimate paradox: because I could never regret loving her, and I could never be sorry that she was having my baby.

So sitting there trying to desperately think of where they took her or what the final links might be, I was assaulted with my thoughts of her.

I rubbed my eyes and felt the softness of her skin in my hands. I took a breath and smelled the berries and vanilla of her scent. I licked my lips and tasted her there. She was everywhere…yet nowhere.

My mind was filled with memories; memories I was clinging to with every passing minute.

Seeing her at Alice and Jasper's that first night in her remarkable dress…

 _"_ _Al, did you find the jewelry and mask. I love it, it really is perfect." She turned the corner from the hall and stopped._

 _"_ _Oh." She said with a gasp and she looked as completely surprised as me._

 _I felt like the room was instantly filled with a current and my eyes were staring into hers as Alice finally turned in my embrace. But I hardly noticed._

 _Time stood still. She was standing before me in an elegant evening gown. It fit her perfectly, and made her look even more alluring than when I saw her on Friday._

 _A flood of emotions and thoughts soared through my brain. Shit. She's seen me here. This is not good, now she'll know that I am Alice's brother and she could be in danger. At the same time I was just drinking her in as she stood before me and I was absolutely hypnotized by her presence._

 _"_ _Bella, this is my brother, Edward." Alice said once she gained her composure._

 _"_ _Edward." She whispered._

Making dinner at her place, the first time I _truly_ kissed her…

 _"_ _I like this song. What is it? John Mayer?"_

 _"_ _Yeah…" She breathed. "It's called Slow Dancing in a Burning Room." She said then as she licked her lips. My eyes danced between hers and her lips. I wanted to taste her. Hell I wanted to taste all of her, but I wanted to taste her perfect pink lips again._

 _"_ _Is that what we're doing?" She finally said._

 _"_ _What?" I said thickly._

 _"_ _Slow dancing in a burning room." She rasped._

 _I smiled lightly but my eyes remained on hers. "I suppose, because sometimes I feel like I am burning when I am around you." I murmured as I slowly lowered my head to her ear, and I could hear her breath quicken. "But it's a good burn." I added as I lightly kissed her neck._

 _She moaned and her fingers clasped my shirt. "The best kind of burn."_

 _Without another thought, I lifted my head and looked into her smoldering eyes and mumbled, "Mijn Zon."_

 _I crashed my lips to hers and pulled her tightly against me. My body erupted as though fireworks were set off from some place deep inside me._

Her laughter as I chased her the first full day we spent together…

 _"_ _What are you looking at?"_

 _"_ _Is this you?"_

 _"_ _Oh my God, you can't look at those! I forgot I had them!" She tried to grab the album from me but I kept it out of her reach._

 _"_ _Oh, I am definitely looking at these."_

 _"_ _Edward!" She kept trying to get to it, and I held her off until I wrapped my arm around her and we were both laughing._

 _Our eyes locked and I bent down to kiss her. My entire body warmed and I moved my hands to her hair._

 _Suddenly she snatched the album from me and took off._

 _"_ _Hey!"_

 _Our game of cat and mouse continued until we both collapsed on the couch laughing. I loved the way Bella's giggle rang through her condo. Spending time with her was so much different from my daily life. I felt so much lighter than I had in years._

When I made love to her… the first time I really told her how I felt…

 _"_ _Please, please tell me you will be careful…I." I drew a deep breath as I thought about what I was going to say. "Bella you mean so much to me, more than you could ever know and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you. I told you last night…but…" I stroked her cheeks as her wide eyes stared at me and she worried her lower lip._

 _"_ _Mijn Schoonheid." I kissed her. "Mijn Zon." I kissed her again. "Mijn Licht." And again. "Mijn Lief." And again._

 _How do I convey this to her?_

 _My eyes danced with hers as I kissed her one more time and this time left my lips to the side of her mouth, our cheeks bound together. "Mijn Leven." I tightened my arms around her and her breath hitched._

And the first time I told her I loved her…and she, to my utter amazement and gratitude, returned it…

 _"_ _I love you Bella." I whispered in a breath._

 _She blinked open once again and stared back at me with her beautiful brown orbs. Her breath hitched and I could see the water forming in the corners of her eyes._

 _But I remained silent. I didn't know what she was thinking as I just gazed back at her._

 _Finally she moved her hand from my waist, down my extended arm, to my hand that was now clutching behind her head and covered it with her own. She wove her fingers through mine and brought our joined hands down to her heart and pressed it against her chest. I could feel the racing beat under her skin and my eyes widened and then I closed them, just feeling the rhythm._

 _And then she spoke._

 _"_ _I love you too Edward."_

As I sat in the silence of the room, I just kept thinking about her, talking to her, wishing, wanting and hoping her back.

"I love you Liefje. God I love you so fucking much. I can't live without you Mijn Zon. Where are you? I have to find you. Where are you?" I said into my hands.

The door swung open just then and I looked up to see Fortnight followed by Seth, Emmett, Tanya, Garrett, Captain Swan—who refused to sit out even though he wasn't in the FBI—and four other agents. The looks on their faces was undeniable.

"We've got something."

My blood began to race in my veins as I shot up from my chair, adrenaline once again coursing through me.

"What is it?" I asked quickly.

"We got a partial plate on the car that took Masen."

"Okay. But how does that help us?"

"The country club where Volturi and your grandfather are members…when two of our agents went to check it out they saw a car with the same description there. It was parked in a secured garage but they did some snooping. When they called in and gave the numbers it matched."

 _That's an illegal search but I didn't give a fuck at the moment._

"But why would they take her there? What's there?"

"I thought that as well. But when they pressed the security guard for his log book they noticed something else. Once per month five men meet at the club. Take a guess who it is." He handed me the sheet of paper and I looked at it.

Fuck.

Jan, Thomas Masen, Aman Kebi, Laurent Dufour and Jim Buxton.

Just then something from Bella's dream ran through my head.

 _"_ _You and your friends disgust me."_

 _Alec had said it the night he had the confrontation with Jan._

 _So if Alec had been there, Eric may have been as well._

I looked back up at Fortnight and he handed me one more thing.

"Not only that, we just pulled the blue prints for the clubhouse and the layout of the course. I think you should look for yourself."

He laid both down on the table then and I immediately searched for a clue, for anything.

That's when I saw it.

"The helipad."

"Yes."

"Shit, they're going to take her somewhere, or they already have!" I exclaimed.

"The agents that just called in said that the car was still there, as well as two others—one of which is registered to Sasha Cullen."

"Son-of-a-bitch. We have to go. We have to get out there!" I said hysterically and moved toward the door. But Fortnight grabbed my arm and spun me back.

"Yes. But Edward you realize this isn't just to get her back. We need to apprehend Jan and whoever else might be with them."

This was maddening. I knew where she was, I needed to get to her but I couldn't because the entire operation could collapse.

"Fuck!" I slammed my fist against the wall. "They could be gone! They have to know something's up by now with all the people we've taken in!" I shouted, but then I felt Tanya's grip on my forearm.

"I sink ve have time. Ze brothers nor Gianna or Nelo knew yet vhen I left." Tanya said calmly and stepped forward. "I can't imagine vhat your feeling Cullen but ve can't be rash. If ve rush ve could lose her and all of ze rest of zem."

A stony silence fell over the room and I could see the blood in Charlie's face as well. He was just as pissed as me but we both knew they were right. At last Fortnight moved to step out and then turned back.

"Get suited up. When I give the word you'll go." He gave me a stern glare.

I turned to look at Emmett and Seth as they just nodded their heads and we all started to leave to get ready.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asked.

"To get ready."

"I'm coming with you."

"Captain Swan, I'm sorry but you can't…" Garrett started but Charlie cut him off.

"Like hell I can't. And I have four guys waiting at a moment's notice to go too. You can't tell me you won't need the help." He shot Garrett a tough glare.

Garrett didn't argue, he just nodded. "Suit up. Call them in, but you have to follow our lead."

Charlie grunted and I slapped him on the shoulder as we all rushed out then.

As I climbed the stairs my brain was racing with questions and uncertainties.

 _Was she there?_

But they couldn't be holding her in the clubhouse—that would be too obvious.

I took the steps two and three at a time. Finally I burst through the door and my eyes settled on all of the agents getting ready.

***An eerie, yet familiar feeling settled into my stomach. It was destruction time. It was the calm before the storm. It was the point I had worked for over two years to get to. And now, I had even more incentive.

"What time is it Em?" I asked as I pulled on my vest.

"Midnight."

 _Twenty-nine hours missing._

The thought made my hands shake and my body tremble. But this time it wasn't with fear or with sadness.

It was anger—a deep raging, burning hatred.

I was at once driven by a pure and utter need to fuck up anyone and anything that stood in my way—that stood between me and her.

It was the time.

The day had arrived.

It was the day of reckoning and I couldn't help but think about all the times over the last two years when I thought of this day. But never before had it been like this. Never did I have so much on the line, so much more than my life in many ways.

And for some reason, I could only see one scene, a similar reckoning, playing over and over in my head.

I thought of that point in the movie _Casino,_ the one where all the shit goes down and everyone meets there end. The hit men are let loose, the druggies overdose and those that have it coming to them don't even see it until a fucking car explodes or they get a baseball bat to the head.

As I donned my gear which, regardless of the outcome, I would be wearing for the last time tonight, I let that same feeling of the day of reckoning consume me. I wanted it to flow through me, willed it to take over.

It was now my _Casino_ , my moment, my ending, when either I would follow the fate of so many others or I would narrowly escape.

For the last time I welcomed the haze. I welcomed the surging predator within me. I allowed it and I even encouraged it.

I suited in all black—pants, shirt, boots, hat.

Then I turned to put on my devices.

Kevlar.

Glock.

Scoped rifle.

Night vision.

Knife.

And a few other provisions that weren't legal in the States.

But I didn't care.

Not tonight.

Tonight, I was _him_.

I was the dark one…the shadow…the specter.

 _Tonight_ …I was the assassin.

Because I wanted to be…because I _had_ to be.

To get her back.

"Ready E?" McCarty asked me.

I set my jaw and slowly turned to him, my eyes narrowed in anticipation.

"Let's do this." I growled.

I busted through the door as the haze glossed over my eyes and I could feel the eyes of all the other agents on me, watching me, fearing me. But I didn't care. I was met by Fortnight and I just waited for his assent.

Everyone was in full-on execution mode, blood racing, hearts pumping, and breaths laboring in expectation.

The other agents were lined up receiving their orders to take down some of the blackest of men this side of the twenty-first century…and before.

I listened, somewhat, but I was too busy being consumed by the monster inside of me, letting him run free will over me. They gave us the layout for the grounds, likely suspects there and a whole lot of other shit. But that didn't matter.

Not to me.

Me. Well I was just going to likely end anyone who came across my path.

He nodded finally and I looked at Em.

"It's show time." He said lowly. "Let's go fuck somebody up."

"Fucking right it is." I said.

With that we turned for the door and I saw Charlie and four other cops in their navy blue NYPD gear. He clapped me on the shoulder and I shared a quick look with him.

"Let's go get our girl back." He raised his eyebrows at me and I didn't respond.

I just nodded and in seconds we were a mass of boots marching.

One, two, three, four across the tile floor, to the parking area and eventually into the black Tahoes and Suburbans waiting there.

I jumped behind the wheel of the car and no one argued as I squealed the tires and tore out of the parking garage. The lights were flashing and the siren blaring.

But the car was silent until Garrett spoke up to give us our orders. Our vehicle was just Garrett, Seth, Emmett, Tanya and I.

I was focused on the road ahead, speeding through the streets of Manhattan and hitting the turnpike for New Jersey like a madman on the loose.

"We have six teams with us. The golf course is obviously massive but the helipad is near the main club house and then there is one more outbuilding at the cusp of holes 8, 9 and 10."

Suddenly my mind flashed to something. I didn't hear what he was saying to everyone else as I was putting it together in my head.

8, 9 and 10.

8, 9, 10.

8:00, 9/10. The watch!

"The outbuilding, how big is it?" I asked quickly.

"Not very, it's just a shed where they keep the supplies and lawn equipment."

"How far is it from the clubhouse?"

"Looks like…" He flipped his sheet. "About 200 yards, because it's where hole 9 curves back in."

"I think there's something there." I quickly explained the watch and the time it was set for. He called it in and told the few people left at headquarters to look at the box of items again more closely.

"Do you think he was taken there at some point and that's how he knew?" Garrett asked.

"Maybe." I trailed off as I thought about it. I was mulling over the other clues from Eric—the tees, the chapstick and trying to figure out what else they could mean.

Then a cold feeling raced up my spine.

Maybe that's where they took him the _last_ time.

 _Motherfuckers._

All I could see then were flashes.

Bella at the Met.

Eric and I as kids in the Hamptons.

Bella in her kitchen.

College with Eric.

Bella at the bar.

Eric at graduation.

My father and mother mourning his death.

The day I joined the FBI.

Bella and I in our cavern.

 _Mijn Broer._

 _Mijn Zon._

 _Mijn Kind._

 _Mijn Leven.**_

He fucking took _all_ of it.

And now, I was even more angry and hell bent on getting it back.

Garrett snapped me out of my haze then and I tensed.

"Cullen you're staying with me and Ivanova. McCarty and Clearwater, you're going to join team two in checking the shed."

"What do you mean staying with you? Where will we be at?" My head shot up then.

"We'll be staying back by the helipad, in case of an escape."

"What are you talking about? I'm going after her!" I shouted as I gripped the steering wheel and my foot pushed to go faster.

"No…you're not." He said calmly. "I don't think you can keep your cool and we need you at the helipad anyway, in case your grandfather is there and tries to get away."

"You have to be kidding me Garrett!"

"Cullen you're not arguing with me on this one. They might try to do something to use her against you and I can't have you losing your head." He said more sternly this time.

"Fuck!" I clenched the wheel tighter and grit my teeth together.

I could feel the tension in the car…in the air. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins and the blood was pounding like water in my ears.

I looked out the window into the black night and made a promise to her, knowing she was out there somewhere.

 _We're coming Liefje, just hold on._

 _And I swear to God if they've hurt you they will never know the end of my wrath._

I drove, faster and faster, weaving in and out of cars, topping speeds even my lead foot had never met.

But none of that mattered.

Nothing mattered but getting her back.

And like that, we were rounding the bend to the private drive of the country club. Our vehicle was the lead so the look on the guard's face was one of absolute shock when I stormed through the gate.

Car after car followed after and I came to a screeching halt and jumped out.

Night vision down, rifle looped over my back and Glock in hand, I was off like a shot into the night with Garret and Tanya behind. The next few minutes were a blur as agents took off in their respective directions. The course was only eighteen holes, but it was massive and lined with thick trees. We all had on our night vision goggles knowing that we could be in the line of fire at any second.

My eyes were scanning the trees, watching the distance. I was looking for movement, for people, for her. I didn't know what I was going to find when I got there. I didn't know what to expect.

I just kept running, the cool night hit my lungs as I gasped for breath. I wanted to be in the clubhouse, to check out the shed, but I had to wait for _him._

As we arrived, there was nothing there but blackness.

I was tense, my breath still catching from running the quarter mile across the hills.

We settled into our position and stillness overcame us.

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

So quiet it was deafening.

At once, all of my heightened senses, all of my advanced training had me sitting precariously on edge.

It was fucking maddening.

Just then Garrett put his hand to his ear with his cell phone. Our earpieces only had range here, headquarters was calling something in. He turned it off and radioed to Emmett.

"McCarty. Over." He whispered and I looked at him as my eyes simultaneously danced on the horizon and he must have responded.

"The analysts just said they found a code in the tube of chapstick. It was for Masen Industries internal system. And when they put it into the system, it led to a set of blue prints. Exactly like the ones for the course, but with an additional room under the outbuilding. Look for a point of entry, but be careful, because there's a tunnel that leads to the clubhouse as well. Over."

 _Fuck!_

A hideout. In the middle of an uppity golf club in New Jersey. It was so fucking Jan Cullen and no one would ever suspect it. He had access to the river close by, the highway, the forest and the helipad.

That was why they always met here. They had a secret place but then also the ability to escape.

"A fucking room! Are you kidding me, how did we not find this before?" I hissed.

I couldn't handle the waiting, the questions.

Garrett radioed to the agents in the clubhouse to check for a door or a passage to the shed as well and I just shook my head.

As the dreadful moments passed, I was slowly losing my mind. I could feel her here. I knew she was here somewhere and nothing was happening.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

But all we were meant with was silence.

Until suddenly something cut through the night.

I honed in on the sound and listened intently.

"Wait do you hear something? It sounds like a Helicopter, sounds like voices?" I turned to Garrett then.

But it wasn't moving closer, it was stationary in the distance.

My hands and legs twitched to run in that direction and Garrett grabbed my elbow.

"Edward stay here, I can't have you running off into the night. You don't have your head on straight." He hissed through his teeth.

"Goddamnit Garrett they could be taking her somewhere!" I had to keep from shouting, but I was losing my grip with every second. She was here, I knew she was. I could feel her now, like the first time I saw her, touched her, felt her. It was that same magnetism that drew me towards her like the life force that she was for me.

He gave me a firm glare and everything went silent except my heaving breaths and the sound in the distance.

Until I heard it.

A voice I would know anywhere, I voice I was desperate to hear again.

 _Her_ voice.

"Edward!"

My heart leaped out of my chest. "It's Bella!" Before Garrett or Ivanova could stop me I took off in a dead sprint. The horizon bounced before me through my night vision and I was pumping my arms furiously.

"Edward!"

 _I'm coming. I'm coming for you Liefje._

 _Just hold on, just hold on._

They knew we were here. They were trying to leave and they knew we were here.

My legs were screaming at me, up and down the rolling hills. I could hear the chopper in the distance but it was getting louder with every step. Her voice was carrying toward it. I could only assume they were trying to whisk her away to God knows where.

I had to get to her.

She was all I had.

I had to get to her.

"Edward!"

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

I ran, faster, harder until my eyes were almost red from the pain and my chest was screaming at me. The sweat was pouring down my back, but I just kept going.

Running.

Running as I always had.

For my life.

To my life.

To her.

I had to save her.

I closed over a hill and I could hear agents calling in over the radio as I stopped behind a tree.

 _Liefje._

I gasped as I could see through my vision that _she_ was running.

Away from a man.

But toward the chopper.

"Edward!"

 _No Liefje!_

She thought it was _us._ She thought we were in the chopper but we weren't.

I quickly squatted down and pulled the scope to my eye as I followed her form.

I zoomed in on the figure behind her and took a breath.

I pulled the trigger.

He fell.

And then I took off in a flash once again following her, running toward the chopper and Bella.

 _No Bella. Don't. It's not us. It's not us!_

I wanted to scream. But I couldn't give myself away.

Instead I bore down on the sound and when I came to a clearing. I pulled out my Glock and threw off my night vision as I was closing in.

And then I stopped and my heart almost shot out of the chest.

 _No!_

 _No, no, no, no, no!_

Demitri had Bella and was pulling her toward the chopper as she struggled against him.

"They have her. At the chopper. They have her!" I said into my radio frantically as I crept toward their location.

In a motion I dropped to my knees in the shadow of a tree, again pulling my rifle around. I didn't have much time and I knew this was the defining moment. This was the moment where it all came to a head.

At once, I held up my rifle and stared down the scope again. I couldn't get Demitri, but I had to stop their escape route. I looked through my sights and pulled the pilot into my vision.

I didn't know him. I should have cared. But I didn't think.

Once again I flexed my finger and pulled the trigger. The pilot slumped over the controls and instantly I could hear the helicopter blades slowing as Demitri's eyes shot in my direction.

Felix and two other guards emerged from the other side and once again I just reacted.

One, two, three.

In a barrage of shots, four men were down.

But two still remained: the worst two in all sense of the words.

The moonlight broke through the night all of a sudden and I could see another man emerge from the chopper. It was then I moved from my spot in the shadows and stalked forward, Glock in hand. His gleaming white blonde hair was flickering as the blades of the chopper spun through the moonlight that shone down on them.

I fired a warning shot off the side of the steel and they both stopped and looked right at me.

My eyes connected with Bella's then and I could see them widen in terror and relief as she stopped struggling against Demitri. But he still had his hand over her mouth.

My gun was positioned on him, but I knew I was outnumbered and I knew I was taking a chance. There could be more out there. So I had to do something, to get them talking until the other agents were here for back-up.

"You want her!" I shouted.

My grandfather's cold blue eyes connected with mine as I continued forward, but he didn't speak.

Anger, rage, desperation pumped through my body as I took him in.

"You want her…to hurt me!" The words that rang through the night as the chopper blades slowed to a low din.

The spine-chilling hush took over the night as we stood there.

Stand-off.

Breaths.

Silence.

My jaw clenched and I tightened the grip on the Glock in my hand.

"Why?" I finally rasped.

"Ah yes. My other grandson." He sneered. My eyes glanced back and forth at him and that's when I saw the gun Demitri had pressed against Bella.

 _Fuck._

 _No!_

I tensed and aimed my gun at Demitri's head.

"How could you do this…all of this?" I asked then.

He tsked as he stepped to Demitri's side, shielding himself somewhat behind Bella.

"How could I not?" He asked.

 _You sick twisted…_

 _How could I be related to this man?_

"You had everything, I don't understand."

"You wouldn't. Your parents kept you in your nice little bubble your whole life. My ungrateful son wanted nothing to do with me. Why not?" He shrugged again.

"No. _Why not_ is not enough for me anymore. You killed my brother. I want answers." I seethed.

"Always the purest my young Edward." He snapped.

"Better than the devil."

"The devil." He chuckled dryly. "You've never met the devil."

"Well why don't you tell me about him then, you're apparently good friends." I retorted.

" _Friends_ …" He sneered. "I don't have any… _friends_."

Bella's eyes were dancing back and forth between us as I held my gun on both Jan and Demitri.

The skin on the back of my neck rose and I could tell that back-up was closing in. I could hear them, sense them.

So I took a step forward and Demitri tensed.

"Not another step." Demitri tightened his hold on Bella and she grimaced.

My heart clenched but I stood straighter.

A silence settled between us until finally Jan spoke again.

"You have a choice Edward."

"I don't want a choice…" I said, knowing what was coming next. "I want to know why?"

"I told you why!" He shouted.

"Surely you didn't take over the largest organized crime ring in a century simply because of the company, because of your relationship with Sasha, because of my father." I spat.

"Ah a purest and a charlatan, how do you manage that?" He mocked. "Come now, is that why you joined the FBI Edward? Did you do it to because of your devotion to your country or your passion for law enforcement? I think not. You did it because you wanted to avenge your brother."

"And I still do." I growled. "So why don't _you_ level with me. Why don't you tell me how he died, why don't _you_ tell me what else there is?"

He gestured around dramatically then. "There's everything Edward. All of this is mine. All of this could have been your father's, your brother's. All of this could still be yours."

"You're not answering my question." I ground my teeth together.

"You think you're entitled to my deepest darkest secrets…just because you're standing in front of me now? Tougher men have never cracked me." He said then.

I didn't respond to that. Instead I just said the first words that ran through my head.

"What happened in Philadelphia?"

The sinister smile on his face faltered for just a moment and I instantly knew I struck a chord.

"How do you know about that?" He spat.

"I'm here aren't I? What do you think I came alone? A renegade agent." I remarked wryly. "I might have joined up for the wrong reasons, but I am devoted to my country and those I love and I'm not stupid. So why don't you tell me…because I know _everything."_ I annunciated. "Except what happened in Philadelphia."

His eyes glanced back and forth across the horizon and for the first time I could see both he and Demitri's faces shift in worry and displeasure.

"My life ended in Philadelphia." He whispered balefully and I sucked in a breath.

 _Holy shit. He's cracking._

 _Keep talking. Provoke him. Get him to spill._

"Apparently." I said, poking at the lion, trying to antagonize him into a fight.

"You little prick." He seethed.

"Tell me _grandfather_." I put as much air in my voice as I could. "Was it a woman? A man? Aro? Great-Grandfather?" I tossed out as many thorns as I could and I knew it as soon as I saw his eyes flash again.

It was _all_ of them.

But first it was a woman.

"Who was she? Was she _your_ Liona? Was she your precious gem? Is that why you're trying to take everything from me now?"

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" He stepped out from behind Demitri at the same time I heard Emmett radio to me.

 _"_ _We have them both in our sights. Keep him talking so we can move in to secure on your signal." He said._

"Then enlighten me."

"Everything I had, everything I was to inherit was in ruins. She was all I had. I loved her from the moment I saw her. But my father wouldn't let us be together. I had to carry on the family tradition, continue the charade, continue to live out the lie."

"Why did you give in? Why didn't you just tell him to shove it? You always were the master of your own domain?" I tried to appeal to the arrogance I knew ran through his veins.

"Because it wasn't just that. I was willing to give up everything for her." His hands were shaking and I knew I was under his skin.

"But she didn't give you the chance." I stated.

"No, instead she thought I shouldn't have to make the choice, and instead decided to cheat on me with my _friend_ in an effort to make my decision easier." His voice was quivering with anger. "And I vowed I would never let anyone close again. Everyone I knew betrayed me. So fuck them!" He spat.

I had never, in all of my 32 years, heard him swear. I knew he was at his breaking point. The lion was roaring and ready to tear something to shreds.

"So you took your vengeance out on everyone else. You didn't get your choice so you neither could anyone else. That's why you pushed it on my father, on Eric, on me…all our lives."

"I created everything I had. Not with the help of my worthless father, not with the support of your intolerable grandmother. Just me. Aro was just a tool in at my hands."

 _Wait a minute._

 _Ran off with his friend?_

 _It couldn't be. But then why would he protect him?_

 _Or did he?_

In a blink of an eye it all came together, every bit of it.

He fell in love with a woman in Philadelphia. His father wouldn't let them be together. So she took it out of his hands. She cheated with Aro to push him away.

That was why he was always the silent partner.

He had Aro right where he wanted him his whole life.

He betrayed him. She betrayed him. His father betrayed him.

He really thought he had lost everything so he lashed out and it turned him into a cold, bitter, vindictive man.

"That's why Aro went down but you didn't. The first time." I stated matter-of-factly.

"It seems you've got it all figured out don't you." He scoffed, still fuming mad.

"All except for one thing. Why wait until now, to take her?" I didn't need to gesture to Bella

"Haven't you ever heard the saying, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'?" He asked rhetorically.

"Because once I knew about her I had everything right where I wanted. I leaked the things to put him in jail, I had him over a barrel. I ran the show completely then."

"Completely?"

"I don't give a shit about bloodlines Edward, but the old school mob still does, and I used it as a tactic. I wouldn't get the ties, get the money, get it _all_ because I wasn't a Volturi. And now you've provided me with it. It's the perfect act of revenge. The perfect weapon."

 _Fuck._

So he wasn't taking her to make me choose. He was taking her because now he could use her, use our baby to get _everything_.

"The perfect revenge?" I spat.

"Yes. How fitting that my grandson and his granddaughter of the long lost Liona would give me the heir to the empire that I funded and built behind the scenes for years. Now _he_ could stare into the face of his long lost love just as I had to with mine every time we did business together."

My mind instantly ran through possibilities. Aro was married after Liona again.

His current wife was the woman.

Seraphina. Cauis and Marcus's mother.

I shook my head.

 _Unbelievable._

I took a chance to glance at Bella and her eyes were wide with realization as well. I didn't know how much she knew—if she knew about Aro, her grandmother and all of that yet. But I glanced back as he shifted again and I heard Emmett in my ear.

"I have a shot on Demitri. Unless you want to take him and I'll take out Jan."

I froze for a second. As angry, as disbelieving as I was, I couldn't kill Jan. I couldn't come down to that level.

So I shook my head silently letting him know that I would take Demitri and he could take out Jan if it came to it.

But I needed the answer to one more question.

"If you always had him in a tight spot, why didn't he just have someone like me kill you long ago?" I asked blankly then. "Like you did to Eric." My words lingered in the moonlit air between us.

His face turned hard and he took a step again.

 _Just one more step._

"Because I always had the perfect people to protect me. You didn't think I let the Draconis in for no reason did you?" He said. "I worked the two organizations against each other, knowing that one day…it would all come to an end and I would be the one to emerge victorious—I could simultaneously take down the Volturis and rise to the top myself. So I had them set up at a stand-off, a chess match."

Demitri's eyes shot to Jan's then and I could see the look of surprise there. He was being played. They were all being played by the decrepit man before me…a man I couldn't even think of calling grandfather.

But he knew he was close to his end. He knew that I knew everything now and he either had to kill me or get me to go with him.

So he spoke again.

"Don't say you don't want it, crave it Edward. That kind of power. Isn't that why you hold that gun in your hand—you have everything at your fingertips. You get to play God. You get to decide fates. It's no different for me." He said and his words struck me deeply.

 _Was it power that I craved?_

 _Was it more than just a need to avenge Eric's death?_

 _Wasn't I just as bad? Wanting control—needing it—because I felt so out of control when he was taken._

No.

I shook my head again and stared right back at him.

I was not this man.

The hatred, the deep-seeded need for vengeance ran so much deeper and farther back than I ever could have expected.

And it was at that moment that I had a life-altering realization.

I _was_ him, I was turning into him.

Before I met _her._ Before she saved me.

And so I couldn't let him win. I wouldn't let him win.

With the feel of the forces behind me and the light breeze that suddenly picked up in that second. I held my gun tighter and took a breath as he spoke again.

"Make it right. Merge our families as they should be. It's not too late for you to join me. And with your child, we…you could have more power than you ever thought possible?" He said.

I shook my head at him and put my hand behind my back to signal Emmett.

At the same time I saw Demitri waiver and Bella cast a sideways glance.

"There's only one way to make it right." I replied.

But before I could give them the signal it felt like a hundred things happened.

Bella bit Demitri's hand and tried to jump away but he recoiled and threw her against the side of the chopper and she slumped to the ground.

"No!" I shouted.

Shots rang out and in those split seconds my life flashed before my eyes.

I dropped to a knee as a bullet whizzed past my ear and I realized that my grandfather had a gun in his hand.

But I couldn't think, because I could only see her lying on the ground, unmoving.

Instead everything in my body reacted and without another thought I fired three shots right into Demitri's head at the same time a stream of gunfire sounded off the chopper and peppered Jan's body as he flew back against it.

And in the deafening reverberations of the shots that followed the spectacle I rose to my feet and ran over to Bella, only to drop to my knees once again as I pulled her into my arms.

She was pale as a ghost, but still breathing.

"Liefje. Liefje." I pushed her hair back from her face.

And that's when I saw it.

Blood was trickling down her left shoulder and soaking her blouse red.

The sound that left my mouth was ruinous as I pulled her to me and screamed her name.

"Bella!"

 **XXXX**


	26. Chapter 26: The Man

**Chapter 26: The Man**

 ** _Simple Man by Shinedown_**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

"Oh my God! Bella!" I cradled her in my lap, completely inattentive to the commotion around me.

She wasn't responding and I was freaking out. I couldn't tell what happened to her.

"Oh God. Oh God. No. No!" I kissed her forehead and then shouted frantically.

"Someone get an ambulance!" As I turned back to her. I checked her pulse, her heart was still beating and her skin was warm. But she was pale. I turned her slightly and it was then that I could see the wound in her shoulder. It looked like she was stabbed near the juncture of her shoulder and her neck, but she still wasn't coming to. My heart was ramming against the wall of my chest at the sight and all the possibilities of how she could be injured...he could have severed her spinal cord or...

"No…Liefje." I sputtered as I searched her for more wounds.

"Sir. Sir. We have to get her on a stretcher. Sir. Sir, please."

I felt arms on me but I couldn't move. I couldn't leave her. They couldn't take me from her. What if I never saw her again? What if she didn't come back to me? She had to know, I couldn't live without her.

I just kept repeating it over and over as all of a sudden sobs broke through my throat. I didn't care about anything anymore. All I wanted and needed was right in front of me.

The arms tried to move me but I stayed. The words pierced the air around me but I couldn't hear them. I couldn't hear anything.

"Sir, sir." I heard someone sigh, frustrated.

"We can't get him to move. We need to get her in an ambulance."

"I got it." I heard a familiar voice.

"E. E man you have to get up. You have to let them look at her."

I didn't move. I just kept whispering to her and pressing on the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Liefje, please. Please come back to me, please."

"Ok move over." I heard shuffling somewhere in my consciousness and suddenly strong arms were wrapping around me and lifting me up.

Reflexively I spun around, my eyes wild and dazed.

"E." His voice was low and steady and he had his arms wrapped around me like a vice.

"E. She's going to be okay, but you have to let them take care of her." He said steadily.

I stopped struggling and dropped my arms to my sides. I didn't know when they got there or how much time had passed but I could now see the lights and the people swarming the area. But as I watched them attend to her, just as quickly as I stopped I whirled into action.

"Let me go Emmett!" I jumped away and threw off my rifle and started to help the paramedics load her on the stretcher.

They strapped her in, her face so pale and blood was still dripping down her side. People were everywhere and I could hear voices and another helicopter and sirens all around me.

But I didn't care about talking to anyone. I didn't care about hauling any perps in. I was staying with her.

I ran out behind them and climbed in the ambulance. Then I glanced back to see Charlie standing with Emmett who was trying to calm him down and I didn't wait any longer as I jumped in the ambulance. They slammed the doors behind me and I sat down and instantly put one hand on her face and squeezed her other one.

"Sir you're going to have to let us work on her."

I slid back but I kept her hand in mine as I stared at her and just drank her in. I hadn't seen her in almost two days. I thought I was never going to see her again and my body was filled with anxiety and the adrenaline from the encounter with Jan.

For a fleeting second I tore my eyes from her face again and looked through a blur toward the paramedic.

"What happened? What are the extent of her injuries?" I implored.

"The knife just went through the trap muscle, but it doesn't look like it hit near the spine. It was clean, mostly just muscle. Otherwise, I think she just hit her head and it knocked her out. But we're checking her over to make sure."

"Do you know if she has any allergies?" He asked then.

"Not that I know of." I said blankly as my eyes scanned her body for any sign of other injury. Her shirt had been cut open and she appeared to be in order. I was praying there was nothing underneath…anywhere else. I didn't think they would do _that_ to her, because of why they took her. But the sickening thought made acid rise in my throat and I turned to the paramedic then.

"She's pregnant though. You should know that." I swallowed. "There's nothing. I mean. You don't think anything happened to the baby did it?" Fear gripped me as I asked.

He smiled at me then lightly and just nodded. "Not that I can see, but we'll do everything we can."

I took a deep breath and my eyes were once again on her beautiful face. Her perfect porcelain skin was still too pale, and her lips weren't as pink as usual. But she was beautiful, and she was alive and she was…there. Right there in front of me.

I ran my hand through her silky hair as they bandaged her shoulder and tried to stop the bleeding. I wanted to hold her, to comfort her, to be there. I couldn't think of anything else. I just wanted her to be okay, for both of them to be okay.

"Liefje, I'm right here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." I whispered as I held her hand and kissed it.

I could hear the beeping in the background and see the paramedics diligently working over her. But I couldn't get close enough to her. I just held her hand as I realized then tears were streaming down my face.

The emotions from the last few days were pouring out of me and I couldn't catch my breath. But I tried to push it away.

I just kept repeating over and over to her, whispering to her and hoping that she could hear me.

"Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Lief. Mijn Leven." I breathed.

"Mijn Schoonheid. Mijn Angel. Please. Please. I love you so much. I want to marry you. I want to have our child with you. I only just found you. I can't lose you. Please Liefje, please come back to me."

 _Just open your eyes Bella._

 _Then I'll know you're okay._

I begged her. But her body was repairing itself. Surely the traumatic events of the last few days were taking their toll on her as well. Suddenly a sickening feeling ran through me that she could miscarry from all of this. I just prayed in those moments that she would be okay, that the baby would be okay and her injuries wouldn't affect it.

At last we were pulling into the Emergency entrance at the hospital in Trenton and I jumped up to help them.

She was still unconscious and I was getting more and more nervous as they wheeled her in.

I held her hand and I could see the looks of everyone's faces when a nurse stopped me.

"Sir. I'm sorry but you can't have that in here."

"Have what?" I snapped.

"Your gun sir."

It was then I realized I was still in my gear. I still had on FBI issued Kevlar, and all of my provisions but my rifle. As though it was burning me, I took it all off and handed to her. The shock on her face was apparent as she stood there with bullet-proof vest, Glock, and everything else in her hands.

"Um."

"Someone will be here that can take it."

And with that I turned and ran after the paramedics.

They wheeled her to the back and another nurse tried to tell me that I couldn't go back because we weren't related and I gave her a death glare.

Nothing was keeping me from her. Not now.

In a flurry of activity they had her hooked up to an IV. I just stood there motionless. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to be next to her. It was so frustrating that I couldn't be.

Just then they closed the curtain and my heart leapt out of my chest. As I was about to tear the curtain open and demand to know what was happening, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up into the hazel eyes of an older doctor.

"Son. Are you the next of kin?"

"Yes." I rasped.

"I'm Dr. Brandon."

"What's wrong, what's happening?"

"She's lost a fair amount of blood and she has a concussion. But the wound should be relatively easy to repair. They're just prepping her for surgery. Are you her husband?"

"Uh…yes…" I stated, not wanting anymore run around.

"It's going to be a bit. I suggest you wait outside." He looked at me closely then, probably taking in my distraught features. "Get some sleep and we'll come get you when she's out of surgery." He patted my shoulder.

My throat constricted and I clenched my fists at my sides.

"Can I…uh…just see her before they take her back?" My voice cracked.

He looked at me intently and then his eyes crinkled.

"Sure."

I followed him through the curtain and I looked at her in the bed. She looked so small and fragile, so unlike my fiery, passionate Bella. Just as it had on so many occasions, including tonight, my entire world shifted around me and my heart ached inside my chest.

I never wanted to see her like this again. I never wanted to be the one to put her here again. Regardless of the outcome, regardless what happened tonight, I was going to live my life for her, with her. Everything else just washed away.

As I brushed my lips to hers and trailed my fingers down her smooth cheek, I promised myself and her in that moment. I didn't need anything else. I didn't need power, or money or the FBI, I just needed her…them.

"I love you Bella. And I'll be there when you wake up." My throat ached as I staved off the emotion coursing through me.

I took a deep breath and finally stepped out, feeling as though a piece of me was in that room. And as I walked to the waiting area my legs gave out from me and I fell to my knees. The revelations, the worry, the pain and regret and absolute terror at last overtook me and I cried.

It was simple, it was all so simple. I was a man; she was my woman—the love of my life. I needed her more than the air, the earth or water combined. I was nothing without her. I wanted her and our baby more than anything in the world. The life that I so long ago gave up was lying in that hospital bed. It was waiting for me. And I wanted it, a simple life, with her, being a husband, a father—the best I could.

I just sat there on my knees shaking and convulsing. The exhaustion overtook me and I could hear voices around me once again. But it was like water was surrounding me and I was gasping for breath. My chest was heaving and I couldn't seem to get enough air in my lungs. The room was spinning and before I could do anything I felt a prick in my shoulder and I slipped into darkness.

*&^%$#

 _"_ _Momma!" I heard a child yell._

 _Where was that coming from?_

 _I could feel the sand between my toes, but just then the breeze shifted to an almost chilly nature._

 _I looked up the beach to see dark hair waving in the breeze. She was walking away, sandals in her hand as the cool wind wrapped around her. She was a vision, like an angel. I couldn't see her face but I was drawn in her direction._

 _"_ _Momma!" The child yelled again._

 _I looked down to see him at my side. He looked so familiar to me. It was as if I should know him, but I didn't. Who was he?_

 _He looked up at me then, his big brown eyes so familiar to me it was almost frightening._

 _His eyes sparkled in happiness and then he became worried. He looked back down the beach and I followed his gaze._

 _"_ _Where did Momma go?"_

 _He asked me then and my heart started taking off and I couldn't catch my breath._

 _Realization dawned on me as to who he was. I frantically looked back up the beach to find her and she wasn't there._

 _She wasn't there, she was gone, she wasn't there._

 _I looked back down and neither was the little boy._

 _Suddenly feared gripped me as I figured out what was happening. I knew her. I knew both of them. I would know her anywhere and at once I shouted out for her._

 _"_ _Liefje!"_

"E! E wake up!"

 _"_ _Liefje!"_

"E. Dude it's okay man. Wake up."

 _"_ _No. No, Liefje!"_

"Edward! Edward!" Someone was shaking me and I instantly shot up. My heart was pounding and my head was pulsing at the base of my neck.

"E. Relax man. It's okay."

My eyes were crazy and dazed as I glanced around frantically. I took in what looked like a waiting room but I had no idea where it was at. I looked right at Emmett as fear ran through me.

"Where is she?" I rasped.

"She's out of surgery. They have her in a room." He said calmly.

"Why am I down here?" I growled.

"They sedated you E. You were having a panic attack." Emmett said and took a breath.

Fear and anxiety were racing through my body as I realized I wasn't with her, and I needed to get to her—fast.

"Take me to her now." He just nodded but when I went to stand up my legs were shaking and I became a bit woozy.

"Whoa. You alright man? Are you sure you can walk?"

"I'll be fine." I clenched my teeth and steadied myself as the room came into focus again.

We walked in silence to the elevators at the end of the hall and I was still having trouble catching my breath. My hands were shaking at my sides and the fluorescent lights were making spots dance across my eyes.

As we rode up the floors I was dying with anxiousness inside. I just needed to see her, touch her.

"How long was I out?" I finally asked.

"About four hours." Emmett said. I just nodded in response as the bell dinged and I stepped out and looked ahead.

Sitting at the end of the hall were Charlie, Garrett and Seth. I walked closer and I could see that Seth was asleep with his head back against the wall. Garrett just gave me a grim look. I wasn't sure where Tanya was at.

Charlie looked at me and his mustache twitched. "She's still asleep."

Nonetheless, apprehension was gripping my chest as I asked what I needed to ever since I woke up from the dream.

"Did they say…" I could feel my heart beating rapidly and I took a deep breath. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said everything went fine. And she's okay…they're both okay." Relief emanated from him and washed over me at the same time.

I swallowed thickly and nodded and stepped in and closed the door behind me.

The beeping of the monitors was the only sound in her room and my heart clenched at the sight once again. I rubbed my hands down my face as I took a breath and walked over to her. I pulled the chair up and collapsed into it. I was still exhausted and could barely move, but like always, now that I was in the same room with her, I felt whole again. Complete.

I grabbed her hand and kissed it, just feeling the soft skin between my fingertips. I didn't know what time it was or how long I sat there, but I just stared at her. I breathed in every time she did and I burned every line, every subtle crease of her face into my memory.

The day was dawning and I realized I fell asleep again holding her hand. Just then I felt her fingers moving and I sleepily opened my eyes to be met with her deep espresso ones.

At once it all overtook me again. Her lip began trembling and my eyes were brimming. I rose up and cradled her face in my hands and kissed her with everything I had in me. I lost myself in her for a moment as I just let her lips move against mine and the feeling of her face in my hands felt so natural.

I backed away and she squeezed my hand with her right one as she shifted and grimaced. She swallowed and we just stared into each other's eyes as we let the moment wash over us.

She was alive, here, in my arms. And Jan was dead, Demitri was dead, Felix was dead and the lot of them was likely to be apprehended soon if they weren't already.

I rubbed my thumbs across her cheeks and peppered her face with my lips as I took her in. I kissed her jaw, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks until I felt her sigh under my fingertips.

She traced under my eyes with her finger then and I closed my eyes at her touch. Beneath it was that familiar electricity, the one I was so drawn to, the one I felt from the very first time we connected. And though it was just under the surface it was as strong as ever.

"Hey." She rasped.

"Hey." I finally let a smile overtake my face.

"You look so tired." She said thickly.

"I'm alright. I was worried about _you_." I pressed my forehead to hers and just breathed in her scent then. As I lifted back up I could see her eyes dancing across my face.

"What happened after…? I just remember the pain in the back of my shoulder after I bit Demitri."

Anger sprung up from my belly as I narrowed my eyes. "He did that?" I said, realizing that he must have been the one to stab her if it came from the back.

She nodded. "I think so. I think because I took him by surprise."

I shook my head. It could have been so much worse. He could have hit an artery or her spinal cord. He was trying to hurt her.

"Hey." She turned my face to her. "I'm here, and I'm okay right?"

I nodded and kissed her again, just feeling her soft lips against mine. I brushed her hair back and she hummed into my touch. I wanted to whisk her away. I wanted to take her somewhere that no one could ever hurt her or try to take her from me again.

Just then I heard her gasp and tears filled her eyes. I looked back as I could see her trying to say something.

"Did…nothing happened to…did it?" She said fearfully.

I shook my head. "You're both fine Liefje." My voice was raspy.

A look of utter relief swept across her face and I pulled her to me, as tightly as I could without hurting her and just held her as she cried. We were both exhausted and absolutely relieved to be back together. With the events of the past few days, I knew it wouldn't be long, at least for me, before I wanted to make this official. I couldn't wait to finally be out in the open together, to go on and live our lives and put all of this behind us. A million thoughts ran through my head as I finally had her back in my arms.

But I also knew that with an operation of this size and the fallout that was likely, it was going to be a while before we could really do that. So much had happened that I knew we would both have to go in and debrief. We would both have a lot to work through after this. Between my brother, Jan, Eliot and her news about Aro and Phil, we had a lot to digest.

After we calmed down and the tension eased a bit. I explained to Bella everything that happened, how we found her and what I found out about Eric. She told me all of the pieces she started to put together on her end: the discussions she had with Demitri and Jan, that she knew about Aro, her grandmother, and things she remembered about her father and Brad. I could tell she was hurt that they kept it from her. If I knew anything, she was independent and she was the strongest person I had ever met. To be kept out of the loop about something so important likely irked her. But I also knew her unyielding ability to forgive, so I couldn't imagine that she would hold it against Charlie for too long.

I told her about meeting her father and that he knew about everything now—including our relationship and the baby.

"He didn't pull his gun on you did he?" She said.

And for the first time in days I laughed. "No, I think he knew he was outmatched."

"Bragger."

"You know it baby." I smirked at her and she laughed. Just then the doctor walked in.

"Bella. It's good to see you awake. I'm Dr. Brandon. How are you feeling? Has your husband informed you of everything?"

She shot me a sideways glance and I just shrugged. I wasn't going to apologize for that. It was going to happen sooner or later anyway, hopefully sooner.

"He did." She said.

"Well, it looks like you're recovering quite nicely. It was mostly just a flesh wound, since the knife made a clean entry and exit. You're lucky because you didn't have much bone or nerve damage. But you will still have rehab to do, which could take up to four months. I will be honest though, you will likely be in more pain than most people because you won't be able to take prescription pain medication due to your pregnancy."

"That's okay." She smiled.

"You also suffered a concussion, so you will want to be careful not to bump your head or cause any further injury. But all in all, you should be able to be released in a few days, barring any complications."

"Thanks Doctor."

"My pleasure. I'll stop back to check on you later." He nodded and left.

I turned back to Bella and for the first time, my stomach growled loudly and we both laughed.

"When was the last time you ate?" Her brow furrowed.

I thought about it for a moment. "I honestly have no idea."

She raised one brow at me and I couldn't help but almost smile at her accusing look. I welcomed the reprimand. "Why don't you go get something to eat? I'll be here."

"I don't want to leave you." I murmured.

"Edward…" She admonished. "I'll be fine. Is my Dad here?"

"Yeah. Charlie's outside, I'm sure he's dying to get in here as well."

"Go get something to eat and send him in." She ordered.

"Yes Ma'am." I teased as I stood up to kiss her again. I leaned in closely and brushed my lips to hers and then trailed my kiss to her ear. "But just so you know I'm never leaving again." I whispered.

Her breath hitched and as I pulled back her eyes watered. She squeezed my hand and bit her lip. "I know." She breathed.

And with one final kiss I moved to step out. But just as I was opening the door I heard commotion outside.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Charlie say and I tensed.

I looked to see a striking woman with light brown hair and a face similar in shape to Bella's.

Renee.

I had never met her mother, but I knew who she was with one glance.

"Charlie. The police called me and said that Bella had been injured. Why else are you here?" She said exasperatedly.

"Who are all of these people?" She said then.

Charlie tensed and I could tell by the redness in his face he was about ready to lay into her. But luckily Emmett stepped in.

"Mrs. Dwyer. Have you spoken with your husband recently?"

"Not since yesterday morning, he's gone on a business trip." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"

"I think you should come with us ma'am." Emmett put his hand on her shoulder.

"What?" She turned back to the Captain. "Charlie what is going on?"

He just crossed his arms and shook his head at her. "Why don't you ask your _husband_ that?" He spat. "The agents will take it from here."

"I…but…agents? What is going on? I want to see my baby."

Charlie rolled his eyes at me and now I completely understood everything Bella told me about her mother. She was flighty and yet still felt entitled to make decisions regarding Bella's life.

"Ma'am. Really, I think if you come with us, we can explain it to you. Your daughter is still sleeping anyhow." Emmett gave me a look and I just nodded. I didn't want Bella dealing with an overzealous Renee right now.

He escorted her down the hall and once they were out of earshot I turned to look at Charlie. He let out a deep breath and shook his head.

"My ex-wife is a piece of work."

"So I've heard." I smiled and commiserated with him for a moment and he finally relaxed.

"Um. Bella wants to see you." He glanced at me and just nodded his head.

He started to walk toward the door when he stopped right next to me and turned back.

"Uh. I…well…I'm not real good at this stuff." He gulped and his cheeks flushed a bit, reminding me of Bella's. "But…uh…thank you." He said.

I offered my hand and we shook. At the same time we exchanged a look with our eyes as my throat was tight. "Um…you're welcome." I finally stuttered and he turned and closed the door behind him.

I looked up to see that Garrett was the only person in the hallway.

"Where are Tanya and Seth?"

"Seth went to grab a bite to eat…and Tanya…" He trailed off and I could feel my face go pale.

"Oh no, Garrett what happened?"

"She caught one in the leg and another in the chest. The one in the chest she was protected from, but it broke a few of her ribs. But the one in her leg did some pretty bad damage." He said.

"Shit. Is she…where's she at?"

"Down on four. Mila's here too but you can go down and see her if you want to."

I nodded and I instantly felt bad. I missed the attack, I left my team and I knew that was wrong. Yet at the same time, I knew I would never have gotten to Bella in time if I didn't leave when I did.

"Cullen." Garrett pulled me from my thoughts.

"Yeah."

"It's not your fault. We were at the helipad and as soon as you radioed back we started running in your direction. She saw the two Dracs and took them out, saved my ass in the process. So don't feel bad. Hell they might have ambushed us at the helipad if we wouldn't have left when we did."

I nodded, still reeling from the information.

"Did anyone else go down?"

"One of the agents with McCarty and Clearwater caught one in the arm as well, but other than that no. We were lucky, there were more of them there than we expected."

I frowned, knowing that if it weren't for Jan's presence they probably wouldn't have had as much resistance. I was just glad we didn't lose anyone.

Garrett stood up then and clapped his hand on my shoulder. "Now that you're up. I'm going to head back in."

"Shouldn't you get some sleep man?" He quirked an eyebrow at me.

 _Right, I wasn't sleeping either._

"I want to check in on things. But so you know, they apprehended Laurent at the Newark airport. He was trying to hop a flight to Paris. The brothers were taken in as well as Gianna and Nelo."

"What about Dwyer?"

He shook his head. "Still haven't heard, but I don't think he's necessarily a threat. Hopefully his wife can give us something. As for the rest of them the take-down was a mostly a success."

"Mostly?"

"They didn't get Kebi."

"What?"

"We'll keep a protective detail on your family for a while, but I also don't think Kebi has that kind of power. He was a financial guy, in it for the money. But we'll have to be careful until they bring him in."

I mulled it over. I didn't like any of them being out there, including some of the remnants of the Volturi. But at the same time, I wasn't sure if they knew what the extent of my involvement was. According to Bella, Jan didn't know about me until only a little over a week ago. I also didn't think it was widely known beyond the higher ranks about Bella's relation to Aro. But I still didn't want to take any chances.

I was not leaving her side until the last of them were brought in.

I rubbed my eyes feeling the tiredness and dirtiness of the last few days set in. I needed a shower, a shave and a warm bed. But there was no way I was going home until Bella did.

Garrett and I walked to the elevator in silence and I shook his hand as I got out on four.

I glanced down the hallway to see two agents sitting outside Tanya's door. Until we had all of the known suspects in custody, the place would be crawling with agents and extra security protection.

I nodded to them as I knocked on the door. My attire was self-explanatory and my exit from the headquarters the previous night was pretty obvious.

"Come in." I heard from the other side and quietly opened it and stepped inside.

My eyes took in the similar room to Bella's until I settled on a striking red-head sitting at Tanya's side. I couldn't help but feel a bit of a connection to her, as I was in the same position not even an hour before.

She looked up and gave me a small smile and Tanya turned her head to follow her gaze.

"Cullen." She rasped.

I half-smiled in response. "Tanya. How are you doing?"

"Eh. I've been better." She joked but then flinched as she took a breath and gestured to the woman at her right.

"Cullen zis is my Mila."

"How do you do?" I offered her my hand and she shook it and smiled. She had large blue eyes and her hair pooled down around her shoulders. She was quite a beautiful woman, but I realized then I hardly knew anything about her.

"I uh…work with Tanya."

Tanya laughed then and glanced at Mila. "He's ze one I told you about."

Mila smirked a bit. I didn't know what that was about but I just shook my head.

"You look like shit Cullen." Tanya aid as she turned back to me.

I barked out a laugh. "Thanks a lot Tanya." I joked. "So Garrett told me you caught one in the leg and the chest? How did it happen?"

"Vell, someone had to save your sorry ass. You go sprinting off into ze night like vild man." I tensed and she must have seen the regret in my face.

"Zeesh, Cullen I'm only kidding. Zere vere two zat came out from behind ze clubhouse as ve vere heading in your direction to lend back-up. I saw zem and pushed Garrett into some bushes. Ze one got me before I could take him out. And zen I got ze other."

"I'm still sorry for leaving you." I said with a frown.

"Don't be. I vould have done ze same." She said as she looked back at Mila and squeezed her hand.

I blew out a breath as silence settled in around us. The craziness of the past hours was slowly ebbing away and I could feel my body and my mind decompressing.

"What are you going to do after all this?" I finally asked.

"Ve're moving to London. Mila's brother lives zere and she put in for a transfer. I'm going to vork vith our office zere." She looked at Mila again and back at me. "And ve're going to have kids. Five years undercover is enough. And I'm thirty-five. It's time for something new." She shrugged and then grimaced, likely from the pain in her ribs.

"It is." I said quietly, as I thought about the years I had spent serving and also those ahead.

"You take care of zat girl of yours…and your little von." She raised her eyebrows. "Alzough I hear she got away from zem and Demitri. She's tough…good for you, she vill keep you in line." She joked then and I smiled.

"That she will."

We chatted for a few more moments until quiet crept around us again. I was dying with the need to get back to Bella. Tanya looked at me and I could tell she knew how I was feeling. Now that we were with the ones we loved, the mission no longer over our heads, we couldn't bear to be separated for more than a few minutes.

"Go." She said.

I stood up and grabbed her other hand and squeezed it and she squeezed back. "Good luck Tanya."

"You too." She said.

I nodded to Mila then and left.

Somehow I knew that wasn't the last time I would see Tanya, but I also wouldn't see her again in the near future. They were transferring her to a hospital in the City, closer to Mila's place. And we were all ready to move on with our lives after this mission. It had been taxing to be under for as long as some of us had been.

I quickly ran down to the cafeteria and grabbed two breakfast sandwiches. I didn't care what I ate. I just needed to get something in my stomach and get back to Bella.

As I made my way back up to Bella's room, I was lost in thought as to what the future might entail. I knew it would take a few months to finalize everything. I would stick around and help with that. But by that time Bella would be much farther along and I would need to decide what exactly I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I knew I couldn't be undercover anymore. I had Bella, and now we had a child on the way and undercover work just simply wasn't conducive to raising a family. At least it wasn't conducive to my wishes for the type of father and husband I wanted to be.

 _Husband._

 _Wow._

I hadn't let myself really think about that until the last few days. But now, as I realized when we brought Bella in last night, I wanted it more than anything. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to rebuild my relationship with my family. I wanted to have a life with Bella and our child and eventually the rest of my family, including Eliot.

I mulled over the millions of thoughts in my head as I walked down the hall. When I looked up, I stopped at the sight before me.

Standing outside Bella's door were my father, mother, Rose, Jasper and Alice.

I walked forward slowly and with trepidation. I could see the combined look of both sadness and relief on their faces.

"Dad." I swallowed and offered him my hand but he pulled me into a strong hug. I wrapped my arms around him and slapped his back as I could feel him taking deep breaths. My mother had tears in her eyes as she watched us. The tumult of emotions racing through me yet again made my chest tighten.

When he released me he had tears in his eyes and he patted my shoulder.

"How did you find out?" I asked chokedly.

"The agents at our house. They told us what happened…with everything…and I asked them to bring us down here." He said quietly. I felt bad for him. His father was dead, and even if he didn't have a great relationship with him, I knew this had to be a trying time.

Before I could ask more, my mother was instantly in front of me and I bent down to give her a hug as well. She sobbed into my chest as I held her and told her I was sorry over and over.

When she finally pulled back she put her hands on my face and I looked at her, piercing green to piercing green.

"When do we get to meet him?" She asked quietly.

"Soon…once Bella's out of the hospital." I took a deep breath and drew it out. I stepped back and turned to look at my entire family. Rose was standing back a bit.

"I assume Dad and Rose told you everything?" I asked and they all shook their heads disbelievingly. Rose smiled at me sadly and I just gave her a look to let her know it was okay. I wanted her to do it. I was glad she was there to help my father with it.

Just as I was going to tell them about the other shocking news, Charlie stepped out of Bella's room. His eyes were red and I could tell he had been crying and I was instantly swept up with emotion again. But before I could introduce him to everyone Alice walked over to him.

"Charlie, it's good to see you." Alice pulled him into a hug and he looked a bit surprised but quirked his mustache.

"Alice."

I was shocked.

 _What the hell?_

"When did you two meet?" I asked inquisitively.

She stepped back and placed a hand over her now very large belly and smiled as she patted his arm.

"At a few survivor events. Right Charlie?" They exchanged a glance and I knew that something was up. Bella told me Charlie reacted similarly to me when Brad died.

 _I guess we were all keeping secrets._

"Uh…yeah." Charlie coughed and then looked around.

"Oh, um…Charlie, uh, Captain Swan these are my parents, Carlisle and Esme." I gestured to my mother and father.

He and my father shook hands and of course my mother grasped him in another tight hug. Like mother, like daughter.

"It's good to meet you…seeing as how is sounds like our families might be joining together." She said.

I looked at my Dad and he just shook his head to let me know he hadn't told her about the baby yet. Then I chuckled, thinking about how presumptive it was of my mother…but of course she was spot on.

Charlie chuckled and lightly patted her back. "That's what I hear." He said.

As they broke, I introduced him to Jasper and Rosalie and we made small talk for a few minutes. Charlie excused himself then to go get a bite to eat. And just then Emmett stepped out of the elevator and locked eyes with Rose. She took off in a sprint toward him and they crashed together as he lifted her off the ground. I could see the relief on his face as well and I was happy for him. They were a perfect match and I knew he was done with undercover work after this as well. Emmett was two years older than me and Rose was a year older. They were both ready to settle down and start a family.

As I turned back to my family an awkwardness set in. I didn't like it, but I knew it was my own fault to some extent and so I needed to address it.

But before I could, Alice stepped forward and pulled me into a forceful hug. Although I could tell she was upset with me, I could feel the affection in her touch.

"I'm so mad at you." She whispered.

"I know…I…I'm so sorry Alice."

She sighed. "I know. I'm just glad that you're okay…that you're all okay." I caught the inflection in her voice and wondered if she didn't know more than she let on.

At last she pulled away and wiped her eyes. She stepped over to one of the chairs in the hallway and grabbed a bag.

"Here." She handed me something.

"What's this?"

"I brought you some clothes and some necessities. I know you. I know you won't leave so I thought you should have something fresh to change into…You stink Edward." She smirked at me.

"Brat." I teased her. I opened up the bag to find a new pair of jeans a white and a black tee, a toothbrush, deodorant and some underwear. I didn't care that my sister brought me underwear, hell she worked with male models every day. It was nice of her and she was completely right—I wouldn't be leaving the hospital anytime soon.

"Thanks Alice."

She wrapped her right arm around Jasper's waist then and I looked up at him.

"Jazz." I shook his hand and he grasped mine firmly.

"Edward." He just nodded. I knew we had a long way to go and I knew it would take time to repair the relationship with my family. But knowing I had Bella at my side now and I was turning the page on a new chapter in my life, I was more optimistic than I had ever been.

I looked around at my family and took another deep breath as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Uh so…I know this has all been kind of crazy. But I have one more bit of news."

Alice looked at me knowingly as Jasper held her and my father squeezed my mother's shoulders in support.

I cleared my throat. "Well there's no easy way to say this so…I guess I'll just get it out. Bella's pregnant."

At once my mother and sister erupted in excited congratulations. My Dad slapped me on the back again and Jazz gave me a quick hug this time.

"I knew it. I knew she was acting strange." Alice said shaking her head.

"Oh my God, this is unbelievable." My Mom added, the tears streaming down her face again.

At that moment I felt like I also needed to let them know about my status as an agent and my plans for the future.

"And uh…I'm done after this. I mean it will take a few months to wrap up the investigation, but I'm done with undercover work." A dead silence draped around us and I just stared at the looks of amazement on my family's faces.

I had told my mother this before, but I'm sure she didn't believe me. I could also see the utter relief in their eyes.

"Wow." Jasper finally muttered. "You really love her don't you?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah Jazz I do…more than anything." I said brokenly. "Um…a lot has…changed…in the last few months." I swallowed thickly.

They were all just staring at me with awed expressions until finally my father finally broke the silence.

"Well why don't we all go get something to eat and you can change and get some rest son." My Dad said. "We should get back to the City soon anyway to start making…arrangements." His voice cracked but he composed himself quickly.

I nodded mutely and with one more hug from my sister and mother, they headed for the cafeteria and to get Rose, but my father lingered behind.

"Dad?" I furrowed my brow at him.

He blinked and then reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. Slowly he handed it to me and my eyes widened in disbelief as I looked at the writing on the front.

It was Eric's.

"Um…after you left, I dug through that box a bit more and there were letters for…everyone. To your mother and me, and to you, and Alice and…one for Eliot." I could tell he was breathing heavily and was trying not to be overcome with emotion.

But I was just staring at the letter in my hand. I started shaking as I looked at it and brought my hand up to my mouth to cover it.

He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed and started to leave. But I turned quickly to say something before he left.

"Dad…I'm sorry…but I can't go to gra…Jan's funeral." His eyes softened and he looked at me intently.

"I know…and it's okay. You got your last visit with him…I just need mine." He said as he let out breath.

I nodded, understanding completely. He would never get answers like I did, but at least he wanted to see him and have some sort of closure. He wasn't at all the man he thought he was and that had to be hard to swallow—much harder than for me, because I was never close to him. I knew someday I would sit down and explain it all to my father, once he was ready.

"I'll call you Dad and we can figure out…well…I'll see you soon."

"I know." He smiled lightly. And with that he turned and left.

At once my eyes were drawn back to the letter in my hand. I felt like it was burning me. I couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to read it or not. But I had to collect myself for a moment with a few deep breaths.

I looked up then to see that no one else was in the hallway.

Should I do it here, or go in Bella's room?

I decided that if anyone were to see me, should I break down, I would rather it be her than anyone else.

I slipped into her room quietly, noting that she was asleep once again. And even though she was breathing steadily and hopefully off in dreamland, I sat down in the chair next to her and slowly unfolded the letter.

I instantly grabbed her right hand with my left. And the warmth from her hand made me finally bring my eyes to the page and read my brother's final words…

 _Edward,_

 _I really don't know where to start. I guess I'm sorry is an okay place, but that doesn't seem like enough. Even so, I am, and you should know that. I'm sorry for putting you in a tough position, I'm sorry for not being the brother I should have been and I'm sorry for the things I did. I can only hope that one day you will forgive me. You have always been the stronger one of us and the one I turned to for anything. You were the best brother I could have ever asked for. And I will never forget that. So as I said, I'm sorry for not telling you everything, but I couldn't because of that—because I wanted to protect you and because for once, I needed to take responsibility for my actions._

 _Unfortunately, if you're reading this, then I haven't returned from my meeting with Grandfather and hopefully you have found everything that I left you. If not and you happened upon this, then everything I left should explain it and you should take it to the FBI immediately. The contact is in the box and as well as all the documentation regarding his organization and the investments._

 _Again I want to tell you how very sorry I am. I never wanted to put you in this position, but he had to be stopped. As you probably know, I got involved with the wrong people at Grandfather's pressuring and made some bad investments. Once I realized why he always favored me, I was disheartened and instantly began to suspect something. You probably know most of it by now, but long story short, I realized that he was a vindictive and evil man. I screwed up. I helped him do things that I can never take back. But now, I hope to make them right._

 _I know I probably should have done something sooner, but I hope that it's not too late, for you or for me. I turned everything I had over to the FBI until I had enough against him that I could safely turn him in as well. But before I could, he demanded a meeting with me at his country club in New Jersey, and if I don't return, then you will know why._

 _I can't express the remorse and regret that I have for doing the things that I did. I'm sorry for not telling you, but I never wanted you to get involved in any of this. I can only hope that you go on living your life as the great man that I know you are. You really are so much better than me E. But I hope that by doing this I can make up for some of my past mistakes._

 _I know I told you not to tell our parents about Eliot, but once it's safe, I hope that you can. I may have messed up with him as well, but he should know his grandparents, and he should know that even if I wasn't there, I loved him. I loved him and I wanted to be there and I wanted to know him. So please tell him that._

 _I can't express how sorry I am, and I only hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, that you all will. I know you must be very disappointed in me, for not being the person you thought I was. I had a responsibility as your older brother to lead by example and be worthy of someone you could look up to, like you always have. You're my brother, my best friend and the person I always wanted to be. Please don't change who you are._

 _I love you and hopefully, someday, we'll meet again._

 _Je Broer,_

 _Eric_

I read the letter over and over again. The lump in my throat was so painful it was pulsing. The page became blurry and I realized my entire body was shaking.

He knew. He knew what he did was wrong and he knew that he needed to make amends for it. And he did, even though he knew he was possibly going to meet his end.

The anger at my grandfather once again coursed through me, but this time it was usurped by an immense feeling of pride. I was proud of my brother. He didn't roll over and take it. He didn't let Jan control him and he did everything he could to stop him.

And in the end, he did.

I just closed my eyes and let those feelings wash over me again and again. Seeking…something. Serenity, relief, I wasn't sure.

Suddenly I felt a squeeze to my hand and I opened my eyes. Staring back at me I found it. I found exactly what I was looking for in those warm brown pools. She laced our fingers together and brought our joined hands to her mouth and kissed mine. I just stared at her, amazed by how she always read me and acted exactly as I needed. There she was lying in a hospital bed recovering from a stab wound and _she_ was comforting _me_.

The realization was sobering.

I didn't deserve her. I never would. But for the rest of my life I would try to be the man she deserved. With those few actions, no words, the last thirteen years fell into a perfect perspective. I hadn't been living. I hadn't been doing as Eric wanted me to do. But I couldn't regret it either, because everything I did brought me here, brought me to her. I finally felt the way about my brother that I should have years ago. I missed him, I missed him desperately, but it wasn't crippling anymore. I was finally gaining some closure in knowing where he came from and finding some peace in the fact that he accepted what he did.

He accepted it and moved on, and that's what I needed to do as well. He knew the kind of man he was, he made mistakes and he righted them. And in return, I wanted to do the same and be the best man I could as well. I wanted to be like my father, honest, noble, and respected by our child. I wanted to be the best father and husband I could. And until I left behind all the baggage, all the rubble, I wouldn't be able to.

And it was finally time to leave it.

As I stared into Bella's eyes and felt the soft whispers of her finger tracing my hand I was finally leaving that man behind. I was no longer the angry, distraught and vengeful man that I once was. My brother's words put it in perspective for me so clearly it literally took my breath away.

Bella sighed then and I stood up and kissed her head. She gave me a small smile, not saying a word, but there for me nonetheless, as she always was.

I took a deep breath and set the letter on her bedside table as I grabbed the bag of stuff Alice brought me.

"I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay." She smiled at me sleepily once again and I squeezed her hand before I stepped into the shower in her room, ready to cleanse myself of more than just the grime of the last few days.

*&^%$#

"Miss, you really need to eat more." I heard a nasally voice say.

"I said, I can't eat that. Next time bring me more pudding or something. I'm pregnant and if I eat that I'll throw up all over this bed."

I was laughing to myself as I listened to Bella tell the nurse where to go. If I had learned anything, there really was no fighting with her when she didn't like something.

"Well. It's not protocol to get you any extras." The nurse snapped again and I could see Bella's face turning a flaming red from the crack in the door.

At last, I emerged from the shower and the nurse looked up at me. She appeared to be about 100 years old, but when she saw me she gasped.

I did my best to keep a straight face as I looked at her in reprimand, even though she didn't know I was actually saving her.

"I'm sorry, but my wife needs something else to eat, if you want her to keep her strength up." I said, but I gave Bella a sideways wink.

The look on Bella's face went from one of pissed to incredulity to something else, and I had to keep myself from laughing again.

I just quirked an eyebrow at the nurse again and she harrumphed as she left, muttering something about patients getting whatever _they_ thought _they_ needed these days.

I set down the bag and I could feel Bella's eyes following me across the room. I heard her giggle and I looked up.

"What?"

"You. Scaring off Nurse Ratchett."

I chuckled. "I think you were the one ready to do the scaring." And she was laughing again. Then she gasped as I stepped around to the side of her bed.

"What now?"

"You're barefoot."

I shrugged. "All I had was my boots. And I wasn't going to climb in bed with you in those."

"You think you're getting in bed with me huh?" She teased.

I moved to the right side of her bed, her good side, and leaned down to kiss her.

"I know so. I can't sleep anymore unless you're in my arms..and _I_ …need to sleep." I smirked at her.

She hummed and then scooted over gingerly, making room for me. I carefully climbed in and turned on my side. The bed was big enough for a large patient so we could easily fit together, but I still didn't want to put any pressure on her.

"Wife huh." She said then as she bit her lip.

"I like the sound of that." I murmured and kissed her head.

"Me too." She sighed.

I settled one arm above the pillows with Bella tucked into my side as she was flat on her back still. I wrapped the other arm around her and wove my fingers with hers over her stomach and kissed her head. She looked up at me and put my hand below hers on her stomach only to cover it again with her own.

My breath hitched as I stared into her deep espresso eyes and felt her stomach move with each breath. Neither of us said a word and the only sound in the room was our breaths and the beeping from Bella's monitor. We were simply reveling in the moment, realizing how absolutely fortunate we were—me especially.

"Nurse Ratchett is going to yell at you." She finally mumbled.

I chuckled into her hair. "I don't care. Besides I know a guy who could take care of her if we had to." I joked and kissed her temple.

She chuckled and hummed into me sleepily.

"It just feels so good to have you in my arms again." I said more seriously then.

"I know." She sighed contentedly and at last she slipped off once more.

I stared down at her, simply taking her in. I was thanking everyone I could think of, any higher being and any possible force that brought her back to me—brought them back to me. I knew how lucky I was and I just kept vowing over and over again that I wouldn't waste my chance. I wouldn't let go of this…of what we had.

Suddenly the door crept open and I raised my eyes to it. My mother met my gaze and she gave me a smile as she quietly stepped in.

"Hey." I whispered. I could see the look of wonderment on her face as she looked at our interlocked hands over Bella's stomach.

"Alice and Jasper wanted to see Bella, but I'll just tell them that she's sleeping."

"Yeah. Tell them they can come over once we get home. I think they are going to release her in a few days." I said.

"Okay. I will."

She glanced at Bella again and I could see her hands trembling as she looked at us.

"I just want you to know…I'm so happy for you Edward. I can't even express…" Her voice caught and tears filled her eyes.

"I know Mom." I said thickly as I looked down at the woman in my arms. "I'm happier than I have ever been." And even with the events of the past few days, no words were truer.

She sighed and said a quiet good-bye as she left.

At last I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 *** &^%$#**

 **BPOV**

 _Warmth wrapped around my body as I let my eyes scan the beach. I had been here before. But today seemed different for some reason._

 _The heat was almost stifling. I could barely breathe and my skin felt hot to the touch._

 _Was I burning from the sun?_

 _Where am I?_

 _Suddenly I heard his voice._

 _"_ _Liefje?"_

 _"_ _Edward?"_

 _"_ _Liefje…no."_

 _"_ _Edward? Edward where are you?"_

 _I looked, frantically, up and down the beach. Why wasn't he coming to me?_

 _I could hear his voice and feel his presence, but I couldn't see him. It was just endless miles of beach and water. Endless miles of sun and heat._

 _The sun was so bright—too bright. And the heat, it was almost maddening._

 _"_ _Liefje!" He yelled, but I couldn't find him._

I awoke with a start, feeling the heat entirely around me and pressure against my back. I realized it was Edward holding me tightly to his chest. It was so tight it was almost suffocating. He had been like this every day at the hospital and every night since we got home a week ago. It had been over a week since the incident, but I knew he was still fearful of someone getting to me. He masked it during the day but I could always tell through is actions in his sleep.

"Liefje." He mumbled into me and seized onto me.

"Edward." I whispered, trying to wiggle out of the vice-grip like clutch he had on me and spin around.

"Apollo." His eyes shot open and he looked at me as though it was the first time he saw me.

"Edward are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"Oh Mijn Zon." He pulled me back to him, his voice was laced with desperation as he held me and I could feel his chest heaving. He must have been having a nightmare. They had slowed over the last week but he still got them periodically.

"Edward. I'm right here." I said as I kissed his chest. That familiar tingle began to surge through me at being so close to him. We had yet to be intimate again after everything because he was afraid of hurting me. But I was almost dying for him. They said pregnancy increased your libido, and if the way I felt was any indication—combined with the fact that I wanted him all the time anyway—then I was the spokesperson for that statement.

But I could tell at the moment he needed me and I simply wanted to be there for him in any way possible. So I let him hold me as closely as he could. But his touch was different this morning. It was more than just the anxiety or apprehension.

I felt his hands weave through my hair and I shivered. He blazed a trail down my back and up my sides. I knew what he was doing, he was feeling every inch of me to see if I was really there. The problem was it was lighting a raging fire within me.

I lifted up my head to look into his eyes and this time I was met not only by fear and worry but complete burning desire.

Without another thought I crashed my lips to his and we both moaned at the electric current that shot between us. I was suddenly desperate for him. It had been too long. We had been through too much and I needed to connect with him in the most basic way possible. It had never been about sex for us anyway, it was need, pure love and the only way to be the absolute closest we could to one another.

His hands roamed my back feverishly, then up my neck and into my hair. I shuddered as his lips found the pulse point on my neck. He rolled me over, careful to keep any weight off of my shoulder and lifted my nightgown gently over my head and then across my injured shoulder and arm. He tossed it away and pulled the sheet up over us again to create our cavern, as he called it.

The look in his eyes was undeniable as he drank me in. He needed me, as much as I needed him, and the green was as dark as a forest and searing into mine.

I reached my good hand up to cup his face and he turned into it and kissed it. He proceeded down my arm, to my neck where he sucked and nibbled and sent me squirming with the hot and urgent kisses he left there. I pulled his face to me and our lips locked again. Our mouths opened as our tongues fought and battled between us.

He ground into me and I could feel his full length against my heated center as I moaned into the kiss. Fire and passion erupted inside me and I wanted nothing more than this man, his hands on my body and his entirety inside me.

My Apollo. My Edward.

"Bella." He rasped as he continued his fervent kisses down my neck to my breasts and pulled my nipple into his mouth and sucked hastily.

"Edward…" His name left my lips in yearning.

"Bella, Bella." He kept saying my name huskily as he sucked and tweaked my nipples. It was crazed and maddening and pure bliss as he moved down my body. Each time he moaned my name the sound sent a shockwave through my system. I was burning—burning with my want, my love, my utter aching need for this man.

"Baby, you…" I started to say something, because I wanted him so badly but he hushed me with his lips. His hands were everywhere as though he was feeling me, touching me, seeing me again for the first time. I shut my eyes just reveling in the heat of his lips and his skin against me. It took me back to the first night, after our hot, frantic taking against the wall, when he worshipped me over and over in this same bed.

Just then I felt his hot breath on my center and I cried out as my hand found his hair and I thrust my hips into him.

"Oh God Edward!" But he wasn't slow and gentle in his movements this time. It was fervent and forceful as he plunged his tongue into me, tasting me over and over as he sent me hurtling as though I hadn't felt him in years. His hands gripped my hips roughly as he kneaded his fingers into me and then pulled my legs over his shoulders and bringing me closer to him.

"Jesus Christ!" I yelled as he continued to work me, over and over, as if he was trying to prove something to himself. I was writhing, my body aflame with my desire as it ruptured somewhere inside of me and sent me careening into oblivion.

"Oh Fuck! Edward! Edward!" I screamed out his name, coming so forcefully I was shaking and dizzy. But he didn't stop his assault as his rough tongue continued on my center and I felt him moving to take off his boxers simultaneously.

"Ungh." I moaned in ecstasy. And with a final kiss he crawled back up my body, licking and sucking my flesh as though he couldn't get enough of me. No one had ever made me feel so wanted. No one could make me feel the things that this man did. The feeling was breathtaking and heart-wrenching as I laid there being loved by Edward.

At last I snaked my fingers into his hair and pulled his mouth up to me as we again shared a fiery kiss. I lifted my legs around him, begging him to my entrance and before I knew it he filled me completely again.

"God Liefje." He groaned into my mouth, but our tongues didn't relent. He set a rapid pace and when I gasped for breath his eyes widened momentarily as he slowed his kiss.

I quickly shook my head at him, letting him know he hadn't hurt me and he wrapped both arms around me and one hand went to my hair. Then he lifted me up so that he was on his hunches, my legs wrapped around him as I clung to him desperately with my good arm.

Our foreheads met and our eyes locked as we rocked swiftly, feeling every bit of one another between us. We were as close as possible, flush with one another as he drove up into me mercilessly and repeatedly.

But it was exquisite. Every thrust, every kiss, every touch was filled with the current that ran between us and hummed around us incessantly. I was moaning and meeting him with my hips as he held me tighter, nearer to his slick skin.

"Bella." He gritted his teeth as he looked into my eyes and I could tell he was holding it off to bring me there again. The thought instantly had me spiraling as I could honestly feel the love from him.

"Edward. Oh…" I dropped my head back and at once his lips were on my neck and he picked up his pace once more. It was passionate and relentless and everything I wanted and needed.

"Oh Christ…God, I love you so fucking much Bella…" He grunted as he thrust—hard—and that sent me into a tailspin yet again.

"Oh, I love you!" I erupted around him causing him to join me over the edge and at once I brought my lips back to his. We were moaning through our releases and into each other's mouths until we broke apart panting.

He laid me back on the bed, covering my body with his own as he brought his lips to mine again. This time it wasn't fierce and needy, but it was every bit as passionate as we kissed slowly and effortlessly, sharing each other's breaths.

At last, he brought his forehead to mine and I stroked his cheek as I looked into his rapturous jade eyes. The power of his gaze was startling and we didn't say a word as we just stared at each other in the light of the morning.

*&^%$#

"Are you ready Liefje?"

I took a deep breath and sighed. My shoulder was throbbing yet I knew I couldn't take anymore Tylenol for a while. The doctor said I was doing remarkably well and that since it was mostly a muscle and flesh wound he thought I would be out of my sling in two weeks and my rehab would only be a month or two. But I still had to stay in the hospital for three days. Needless to say I was ready to come home.

Of course Edward wouldn't leave my side for any of it. He was supposed to go in and brief but he refused to. Garrett was giving him plenty of leeway since he wanted him to stay at the New York office long term. I heard them discussing it one afternoon when they thought I was asleep.

So today we were going in to the headquarters—together.

I never thought walking out in public with someone would be so…weird.

But it was weird, because this was the first time we would be officially out in public—by choice, not at the hospital—since we were together. We had been holed up at my place for the last few days.

I looked in the mirror once again careful to make sure my shirt was closed and my sling was secure. I couldn't go in to the Bureau in a t-shirt, but I didn't have a lot of tops that I could get my arm through yet.

I stepped out of the bathroom and gave Edward a small smile as he grabbed for my good hand.

"Ready."

He blew out a breath and we proceeded downstairs quietly.

I knew he was in a much better place than he had been, considering the circumstances. But he still had a long way to go. Now it wasn't so much about Eric but his worry over me. I knew when we were at the hospital part of the reason he wouldn't leave me was because he was afraid someone was going to take me again. I also woke up to him in a cold sweat, clenching my pillow when I got up to go to the bathroom our first night back. He tried to brush it off, but I knew he was having nightmares. I just tried to reassure him that I was here, I was healing and everything would be okay.

Yet today was going to be a different story. I had spoken with my doctor before I left the hospital and he informed me that I needed to be extra careful in dealing with my emotions. I didn't want to increase my blood pressure or get too upset since I was pregnant. He also referred me to a psychologist in the City that specialized in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as grief counseling. He suggested we both attend and I was working up the ability to mention it to Edward. I just needed to let him get past the debriefing in the next week and then we could move on to other things.

"Do you want to tell me about your dream?" I asked quietly as I squeezed his hand and the elevator dinged.

I stiffened, realizing that this was only the second time I rode the elevator since the day I was taken. But he held my hand tightly and I took a deep breath trying to ebb away the tension.

"No. Later…but right now, I just want to focus on our day ahead and get this over with."

"Okay." I gave him a small smile.

We walked out and climbed in the waiting black car that the FBI had sent over for us. He was quiet, likely preparing himself for our next few days ahead.

But as we bumped along toward the headquarters, I let my mind go back to my first day in the hospital…

 _I watched Edward walk out the door and closed my eyes to will the tears away. I wasn't sure if it was entirely the situation or the combination of the hormones, but I almost cried every time he looked at me since I woke up. It was so filled with adoration, pain and relief. I'm sure I was expressing the same._

 _I heard the door open and glanced up to see Charlie standing there._

 _"_ _Hi Dad." I whispered._

 _He looked…pissed for some reason, but then he swallowed and ever so slowly crept over to my bed._

 _"_ _Bell. I…"_

 _"_ _It's okay Dad."_

 _He shook his head and I could see the tears in his eyes. Mine were instantly brimming once again. My Dad never cried, not even at Brad's funeral or when he and my Mom divorced. The shock of seeing him so torn up ran through me and my lip trembled._

 _He took a deep breath and walked around and sat down in the chair. Knowing Charlie he was probably afraid to touch me, but I reached out and grabbed his shoulder and he looked up at me again._

 _"_ _I'm sorry Bell…for not telling you…about everything."_

 _I sighed. I was hurt and disappointed that they kept something so important from me for so long. Honestly I hadn't had the time to process it all yet._

 _But I also knew being pissed at my father wasn't going to help anything. Especially right now. This was something we needed to have a deeper conversation about and not while I was lying flat in a hospital bed._

 _"_ _Dad…I'm not going to say I'm not…upset." I took a breath. "But I'm not going to hold it against you."_

 _He took a deep breath and ran his hands down his face. He looked so tired, they both did. I was sure neither he nor Edward had slept since I left._

 _"_ _You have every right to be upset." He finally said. "I just…I promised her… that I would protect you and she thought that if you didn't know then it would be best. I can see now that wasn't the case. It probably put you in more danger."_

 _I thought about what he said for a moment. My grandma and my Dad were very close because he was all she had—and vice versa. I suddenly realized that it wasn't a whole lot different for the two of us. Even if I was upset, I could understand his intentions, he would do anything for my Grandma and I knew I would do anything for him._

 _"_ _It's okay Dad." He looked up and grabbed my hand and I squeezed it reassuringly. We just sat there for a few minutes not saying a word. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was how we bonded, and I knew how much he cared about me in those simple moments._

 _I didn't want to dive into the what's, why's, who's and how's just then. I was just glad to be back and to see my father again. So I squeezed his hand and asked him what he was mad about when he walked in._

 _When he said Renee was here I chuckled. They were mostly civil with one another, but if he knew about Phil, which Edward said he did, then I was sure he was pissed as hell at both of them._

 _Instead, we let the big discussion go for another day and just talked about nothing until my eyes got droopy and his stomach growled and he left me to get some sleep once again…_

I was pulled from my reverie by the driver telling us we were stuck in some traffic. I simply nodded and looked at Edward. He was staring out the window lost in thought. I continued to rub circles on his hand, hoping to soothe him a bit.

After he read Eric's letter, he told me that he had an entirely new perspective on things. He had repeatedly mentioned, before everything happened, that he was going to be done with undercover work and even traveling for missions. I believed him, but once I saw him sitting in the chair crying in the hospital room, I knew that was it. He finally got some answers, he was finally able to let go of some of the grief that plagued him for so long.

And even though he had a long way yet, I could tell that he was intent on repairing his relationship with his family.

I had to do the same—with Alice and Jasper. I hadn't spoken to them since I was back, but I knew it was going to be awkward. I had a lot of explaining to do and so did Edward. I could imagine that they were disheartened that we hadn't told them, and probably thought we didn't trust them, when we told Rose and Edward's Dad. I only hoped that I could explain the danger we were in, including them, if they had known more.

But that was a conversation for another time as well. Just like Eliot's would be. Edward and I discussed having Angela and Ben bring Eliot to Carlisle and Esme's once we were done with the briefings. I took a leave of absence from work for a month because of my recovery and simply to regroup again. I was hoping introducing Eliot to them would be the final thing to bring their family back together.

The car rolled to a stop and I looked at Edward as he took a deep breath. He lifted our hands up and kissed them as he got out and walked around to open my door. He helped me up and for the first time ever, we held hands and walked out in public together. We weren't going in the back entrance, or even through the parking garage. We were on the street and it felt good to be there with him, regardless of what we had to do next. I felt like I needed to say something to help him, if just a little bit, before we went in.

"Hey." I tugged his hand and he looked back at me in all seriousness.

"Do you realize this is our first time in public together?" His eyes flashed with something and then a small smile played on his lips.

"Wow. I guess you're right."

"The first of many." I said then as I squeezed his hand.

He blew out a breath and pulled me to him and gave me a quick kiss. "Yeah, the first of many."

And with that we turned to walk into the FBI building. I knew it was going to be difficult. We would be reliving the worst days of our lives again. But I knew we could do it…together.

*&^%$#

"I'm so tired." I mumbled into his chest.

"I know. It's mentally exhausting isn't it?" He said.

We had just returned home from our final day of debriefing and were lying on top of the bed, utterly spent. It was three straight days of questionings and briefings and trying to remember the most subtle of details for me. Unfortunately, Edward had much more ahead. He had to recover not only the days of my disappearance but everything that led up to it. He would be going in for another week as well as for multiple follow-ups throughout the process to give statements pertaining to certain men and women who were charged.

For tonight, we simply decided to order in and lay on the bed together. My shoulder was slowly feeling better, but the doctor said I would have loss of strength for quite some time, and possibly numbness and tingling for the rest of my life. But I could deal with that, considering the alternative.

The last three days had been taxing, but therapeutic in a way. I found out more about the connections and what happened while I was gone, including how they found me. I was amazed at the pieces Edward was able to put together from what Eric left him.

It made me love him all the more to know how relentlessly he looked for me and went after everything. It didn't take away the sting that James was only dating me to get close to me or that my step-father had a hand in revealing my identity to Aro Volturi. Nor did it change how much I was disgusted by Jan's intentions. I felt bad for being relieved that he was dead and Demitri was dead. But I knew with time I would work through those issues.

The debriefing also made me realize just why Charlie and Brad hid it from me for so long. My grandfather had likely died protecting our family and if Aro had found out about me any sooner than he did, my entire life could be different. I may not have gone to college, worked at the Met, or ever met Edward. That realization alone was sobering. And so for that reason, I knew I would be able to forgive my Dad and my brother. Once I felt better, I was going to go to Brooklyn to see him—see both of them.

Strangely enough, I also felt the need to pay my respects to Alec's mother—in some form. Whether it was a card or a letter, I knew how much he gave up for me and I felt like I should send something to Elizabeth. Even if she would never know what exactly happened to him.

I never knew until he showed up outside my apartment the day I was taken. I didn't love him, not anymore, but at the same time, I was sorry that he was dead. He didn't deserve to have to live a life on the run for the last eleven years—as the FBI determined he had. And he didn't deserve to die so young. He may have been mixed up with the wrong people, just as Eric had been, but he was trying to protect me and make amends for his actions in the end. The FBI said he called in a tip that I was taken, before he even saw me outside the apartment, because—they suspected—he knew someone was on their way to get me. I owed him a lot for calling it in because if he hadn't, the FBI might not have been on the trail as soon, and I may have been taken somewhere else before they ever got to me.

Even with the revelations of the last week and the debriefing, I knew I wouldn't be able to simply pick up and move on from here. Surely this situation was similar to grieving and I was likely still in shock about a lot of it. But once the time was right, I was planning to see the psychologist. I couldn't ignore the lingering worry about what this meant for our future. Edward didn't think we would need to be in protective custody, but at the same time, I knew he was concerned about always looking over our backs.

Nonetheless, I was ready to move forward—with all of it, with counseling, with working through the issues, with recovering and with starting a life with Edward. I knew we had a lot of big things to attend to in the near future, namely a baby. But I also knew he would be my support through the entire process and I would be his. And that gave me hope that we would make it through in the end.

"Bella, are you awake."

"Yeah. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Everything, nothing." I shrugged into his chest.

"I know what you mean. Decompressing and finding out everything it's…staggering the amount of information to digest isn't it?" He said quietly.

"Yeah."

He shifted then and turned onto his side as he settled me on my back. He looked better today, relieved a bit, even though he still had to go back in. But I could tell he was thinking about something. He was twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers as his eyes stared at something on the bed.

I put my finger on his chin and lifted it to look at me.

"What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about us…how much different this is going to be." He said.

"You mean normal." I joked and quirked and eyebrow at him.

"Huh. Yeah, I guess." He finally gave me a small smile and I waited for him to say what he was thinking. "I just hope…this doesn't change anything between us."

I looked at the worry in his eyes and I brought my hand to his cheek and leaned up to kiss him.

"Edward. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you." I said quietly. And I meant every word of it.

"I feel the same way." He breathed. He moved over me a bit and gave me a deeper kiss, when suddenly I had an idea.

"You know if you want to do normal you could take me out on a real date." I teased.

"A real first date." He said more lightheartedly as his lips started to trail down my jaw and his fingers danced at the hem of my shirt. My breath picked up and that oh so familiar fire started to burn in me.

"Yeah. You know, we get dressed up, go out to some overpriced restaurant, have awkward silences, you give me a gentlemanly kiss at the door—all that." I joked and then moaned as his teeth found my earlobe.

"I sure hope it's not awkward. We better get to know each other with this one on the way." His hand ghosted my stomach and I smiled into his kiss.

"Ok we can change that. It won't be awkward." I nipped at his throat and his hand clutched my ass and gave it a firm squeeze. "But then you better change something else too."

"What's that?" He asked as his mouth found that spot right at the juncture of my neck that made me shiver.

"I better get more than just a kiss at the door." I mumbled.

He chuckled, and I was glad to see that after our long and draining day we were finally able to lighten up a bit.

"You mean you're going to go home with me on the first date…how unchaste of you Miss Swan."

 _Oh yes, my Edward is definitely starting to return._

"Well seeing as how you already got me pregnant."

He laughed fully this time and the tremor it caused through my body only made my pulse rate quicken. Soon enough we were a mess of lips and hands and skin on skin.

And I knew then that his worries were unfounded. I knew we were just Edward and Bella. We were still us, a man and a woman in love, whether in the confines of my apartment or out on a date. I knew all I would ever need was this man. And because of that I knew we would be okay.

 **XXXX**


	27. Chapter 27: Healing

**Chapter 27: Healing**

 ** _Don't Look Back in Anger By Oasis_**

 **~Bella Swan~**

Why am I nervous?

I shouldn't be nervous. It's not like this is a real first date. I'm having his baby for crying out loud. We've been together for months.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I stared anxiously back at my reflection. Edward wouldn't tell me where we were going, he just said to dress up. But I didn't know if that meant cocktail dress, evening dress, something scandalous, something not.

Shit.

I clipped in my earring and looked at my hair. Alice had come over to help me do it after I realized I still couldn't do it very well myself with my shoulder issues. I could lift my arms, just not for an extended period of time. Not only that, I figured it was an excuse to finally sit down and talk to Alice. It had been over three weeks since everything happened. My arm wasn't in a sling anymore, but I was still very careful with it. Hence I needed the help and as much as I loved Edward, I didn't really trust him to do my hair.

As I slipped on my gold platform pumps and sprayed a shot of my perfume I thought about my conversation with Alice…

 _I heard the buzzer for the door and my nervousness about the date instantly morphed into a nervousness about talking to Alice. Edward and I discussed whether we should do it together or each talk to her and Jazz. We finally decided that we should each talk to Alice ourselves and then we could talk to Jazz. Not only that, we each wanted to reconnect and give them our perspectives, without crossing the streams so to speak._

 _I took a deep breath and in a matter of minutes I heard the knock at my door and I opened it._

 _Standing on the other side was an even more pregnant Alice than the last time I saw her. Of course that was the day I ran into Jacob and first time I even thought about the fact that I might be pregnant—almost a month ago._

 _"_ _Hey." She said and bit the side of her mouth. She was as nervous as I was._

 _"_ _Hey." I whispered. "Come in. It's um…it's good to see you."_

 _"_ _You too."_

 _We walked awkwardly back to the living room and Alice laid a garment bag across the back of the couch._

 _"_ _What's in the bag?" I asked quietly._

 _She shrugged, not meeting my eye and ran her hand along it. "It's just a dress…for tonight…something I found at a shoot that I thought you might like…but you don't have to wear it if you don't want to." She said quickly._

 _"_ _Of course, I'm sure I'll love it…thanks." I twisted my hands and as the silence settled over us._

 _I hated the distance between us. Alice was one of my best friends, even better than Jasper. But I knew it was inevitable. I knew I just needed to bite the bullet and open the dialogue. At last I mustered up the courage to do it._

 _"_ _I'm…well…I'm sorry Alice." I bit my lip and looked down._

 _She sighed and gingerly moved to the couch to sit down. I followed her with trepidation and we were quiet for a few more moments. Finally she spoke._

 _"_ _It's just been a lot to take in…with everything with Grandfather and Eric and Edward…and you." I saw her glance at my stomach and I just nodded, unsure what to say next._

 _So I just said the first thing that came to mind, hoping she would know it was heartfelt._

 _"_ _We didn't…I mean…I didn't do it to hurt you…" I took a breath. "I uh…we thought it would be safer if you didn't know." I said._

 _"_ _I want to be mad…I'm hurt…but I'm not mad." She said then. "I just want to know the truth…now…how it all happened."_

 _I nodded. I could understand that. It was similar to how I felt in regards to Charlie and Brad._

 _"_ _I'll tell you anything…all of it. What do you want to know?"_

 _She thought for a moment as she picked at nonexistent lint on her sweater dress. Finally she looked at me with her big blue eyes and asked._

 _"_ _How well did you know each other the night you were at our place?"_

 _"_ _We didn't really. We only met that Friday before, it was fleeting really. But…" I thought back to that time. I was so drawn to him I couldn't explain it. It was an all-encompassing, unsurpassed need to_ know _him._

 _"_ _We just…"_

 _"_ _Clicked."_

 _"_ _Yeah." I breathed._

 _Knowing what I knew now, how much he gave up for me, and I for him, I wanted to start fresh with everyone. We owed it to our friends and family and we owed it to ourselves._

 _I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I turned to Alice and started in. I relayed how he kissed me good night on the cheek and I felt like I was on fire. At once she giggled, because even though it was her brother, Alice always loved the dish on anything._

 _As I told her more and more, she responded as if I was telling each part of it the first time—about James, the Apollo theater, him coming in my fire escape, saving me from James again, seeing Alec—all of it. I told her about how we grew so close because we were always here, every night, just us, and he finally started to open up about Eric and other things. I spoke of how much we had in common and how effortlessly we just_ were _together, yet that I craved to see him at the end of each day, I needed to. And every night he returned because he felt the same way. Then I told her more about the investigation and how we realized I was connected to so many people and that the circle was frighteningly small. I could see the recognition taking place, she was starting to understand, starting to realize why we didn't say anything because we truly didn't want them to get hurt or pulled up in all of it._

 _Then when I told her about finding him on the fire escape and how everything was after he found out about Eric, I could see the tears well in her eyes and without knowing it, similar ones were rolling down my cheeks._

 _Her lip trembled and her hand shot out and grabbed my hand then as she shook her head. But I continued, because if I was going to start fresh, I needed to do it right. So I told her how everything else transpired, between us, the investigation, and finding out about the baby._

 _Finally, the condo was quiet and I felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest. The secrecy of it all, the pressure, was stifling. I hadn't realized at the time just how hard it was to keep it all in._

 _I looked up then as Alice squeezed my hand. Then she said two words I never expected, not at this point, from her._

 _"_ _Thank you."_

 _"_ _Wh..what?" I blinked._

 _"_ _You brought him back Bella. I haven't had a brother in thirteen years and you brought him back." She shook her head sniffling and I quickly grabbed some tissues off the end table._

 _"_ _Edward was so…well you know. He was so within himself, so consumed. I haven't seen him act the way he did at the hospital in years. I could tell back in June when he visited Jasper and I at our place. He was already different then and you had only seen each other a few times."_

 _"_ _I don't think it was all me Alice." I shook my head._

 _But she responded fervently. "No. It was. I've never seen him like this." She blew out a breath. "And yeah…I'm still upset that you did it all behind our backs and about…Eliot…" Her voice broke but then she regained her composure. "But knowing it all now, knowing the truth, at least I can understand it. And I do. And you did. You brought him back."_

 _He always told me that, but could it really be true? I knew he made me come alive in ways that were dormant for far too long as well as in ways I never knew possible. He truly was everything to me._

 _"_ _He brought me back too." I whispered and she nodded._

 _An ease fell over us then and Alice wiped her eyes and then chuckled to herself._

 _"_ _What?" I gave her a small smile._

 _"_ _I was just thinking it was ironic…here I'm mad that you didn't tell me but then I had a bit of a role in it as well."_

 _"_ _What do you mean?"_

 _She laughed to herself and then looked at me. "The night you were trying on the dress…remember how I bailed out of there."_

 _I laughed then. It was so apparent she was trying to set us up or force us to get to know one another._

 _"_ _Yeah I guess you're right."_

 _She blew out another breath and I could see the excitable, ever-outgoing Alice returning._

 _"_ _So. When am I going to be meeting my new niece or nephew?" She asked then._

 _I smiled. "May 7_ _th_ _…I still can't believe it." I shook my head._

 _"_ _Well if you think I'm excited, just wait until you talk to my mother. She's been chomping at the bit to find out what's going to happen."_

 _"_ _What do you mean?"_

 _"_ _Oh c'mon Bella…I was telling the truth when I said I always thought you two would make a great match. And Mom's even more excited. She loves you, you know that." She waved her hand dismissively._

 _I just nodded with a small smile on my face until I heaved a sigh of relief._

 _"_ _I hope we can get back to being us again…" I trailed off._

 _"_ _Oh Bella, get over here and hug it out, I forgive you and you're going to be my sister-in-law soon enough anyhow."_

 _I laughed as I scooted towards her and gave her a hug, trying to move around her protruding belly. She grasped me tightly and it felt so good to finally have everything out in the open to my friend again…my, what I was pretty sure, future sister-in-law._

 _"_ _So this is what I have to look forward to." I said as I nodded down to her once we broke._

 _"_ _Oh you just wait." She rolled her eyes. "In a few months you'll be as big as a house just like me." And then in a movement I couldn't have imitated if I tried, she somehow popped herself up and grabbed the bag off the back of the couch._

 _"_ _Okay. Time to make you panty-dropping gorgeous for my brother."_

 _I laughed and quirked an eyebrow at her._

 _"_ _Pssh. Like I care."_

 _And with that I just chuckled and shook my head as I followed her to the bathroom. She pulled the dress out of the bag and my eyes widened. It was gorgeous of course, but I couldn't imagine what it cost. I quickly changed and spun around for Alice to see._

 _I loved it. I hoped Edward would as well._

 _"_ _So?" She asked._

 _I bit my lip. "Do you think he'll like it?"_

 _"_ _Oh Bella." She laughed. "I know my brother and he's going to absolutely die when he sees you in this. He's a legs and ass man. And honey you got 'em"_

 _I took in the extremely short, black Herve Lager dress and sighed delightedly. Oh yeah. He will like it…_

But once Alice left, I put on the finishing touches and was right back where I started. Nervous.

I was pacing in the condo. Edward went to his parents to get ready so that he could actually "pick me up" for our date. He was having a similar conversation with them that I had with Alice today. Now that he was done with the heavy part of the debriefing, I could tell he was feeling lighter and more himself again. He was still trying to decide what to do about his job. He still had his place in Hell's Kitchen and was considered on assignment for the investigation. But in reality, he lived with me. The last week he went to his apartment and brought over all of his clothes. He didn't have any possessions to speak of because he was always undercover. I was fine with it and it really just seemed natural. We never had to have _that_ conversation. We both just knew we were going to live together when everything was over. And now with the baby on the way it just made sense.

He mentioned more than once that he wanted to buy a new, bigger place. I started looking online for a few places and we set up a few appointments for the next week. We just wanted to get a feel for what was out there for now. We both wanted to stay on the Upper West Side. Even though I suggested to Edward that we could look at the East Side to be closer to his parents and Alice and Jasper, he said he liked the West Side better and would actually prefer a little distance.

Of course we had yet to broach the money topic. I knew it would be a bit contentious. But with everything going on, I didn't want to put any more stress on Edward. I could only imagine that he would want to pay for everything. I didn't know what kind of money he had to his name, but I assumed it was a lot, considering the way Alice could spend. I knew she didn't make it working for the magazine as she did.

It might have been stubborn of me, or a little feminist, but I felt like I needed to hold my own in the relationship and contribute equally. I always handled my finances, even since I was practically a kid. I didn't expect him to buy me everything and I was planning to continue working even after the baby was born. But more importantly, I made it to a major point in my life. I worked hard to get where I was and there was a bit of pride in me, maybe it was arrogance, that wanted to prove that I was self-sufficient.

Just then I heard a knock at the door and I instantly stopped my pacing. I took a deep breath and crossed the hardwood floor to the door before I opened it and stepped back.

 _Holy hell…_

My mouth went dry and my jaw dropped open at the sight before me.

 _Sweet mother of…_

He was in a dark gray suit, similar to the one he wore the first night I saw him in a suit at _Les Miserables_ , with a black shirt and the buttons undone at the top. His hair was gelled as though he tried to make it lay down, but it still didn't and it looked all the more sexy because of it.

We just stood there staring at one another for a moment until Edward just shook his head as if in a daze.

 _I think I might have whimpered a bit._

Finally he swallowed and licked his lips. I could see them glistening in the light and I wanted to press my own to them and bite them.

 _Dear God he looked…edible._

"Bella…Jesus…"

"Uh…"

And we continued to stare until I blinked again. "Do you want to come in?" I asked.

His eyes were traveling up and down my body and once again I felt as though it could have just as easily been his hands.

He swallowed. "I don't think I better."

I chuckled then and grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him to me.

"I thought you told me there wasn't going to be any awkwardness." I said right before my lips met his.

He groaned and I heard something rustle as the heat of his hand met my back. Then he pulled away just a bit and looked at me again.

"Liefje…you just look…incredible." He finally said.

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I looked down and bit my lip. I felt his fingers on my chin and he brought me to meet his radiant jade eyes. The color was so intense it almost took my breath away.

"Bella...you really look…unbelievable."

"Thanks." I finally said and he gave me a sweet kiss. But then he blew out a breath.

"But if we don't leave soon, this date isn't going to make it out of your condo yet again." He whispered huskily into my ear and I shivered.

I chuckled and leaned up to take in his scent.

 _Oh God…Heaven_.

"Well it sounds like you will at least make good on the second part of your promise then." I kissed his neck and he was the one to shudder this time.

"Oh I don't think you'll have to worry about that." He responded and I laughed.

Finally we broke apart and I stepped back to get my clutch but I could feel his eyes on me as I walked back.

He just shook his head.

"What?"

"I'm one lucky son-of-a-bitch." He muttered.

I laughed. "Well I'm not going to be able to wear stuff like this much longer so you better enjoy it."

He turned to me then with a more serious look on his face. He placed his hand over my just a little thicker stomach and pulled me in. "Liefje, I will think you look even better when you start showing. I can't wait to see it. And I can't wait for the world to know you're carrying my child."

 _I think my heart officially just melted._

My eyes wet with tears and I couldn't do anything but give him a small kiss. "Thanks." I murmured again and with that he grabbed my hand and we walked to the elevator.

"So where are we going?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out." He said coyly, our lighthearted banter returning.

I harrumphed. I didn't like surprises and he chuckled at me as we rode down.

We walked out of the elevator and into the surprisingly warm October evening. I noticed a shiny black Aston Martin in front of the building and I heard him rustling something again. Suddenly it beeped and I realized it was Edward's.

"Wait…you own an Aston?" My eyebrows shot up as I looked at him.

He shrugged as if it was no big deal and I just shook my head.

 _Of course he owned an Aston. Fucking James Bond in the flesh._

He opened my door and helped me in as he ever so smoothly walked around to the driver's side.

I could feel my pulse quicken as he effortlessly slid into the seat. The sight of Edward, my Apollo, in a chic suit and commanding the hot Aston made my body tremble again.

 _Sweet Jesus._

"What is it Liefje?"

I licked my lips and I couldn't even form a word.

"Fuck, you have to quit looking at me like that Bella or we're really not going to leave." He laughed.

"Well you never told me you owned an Aston. What else do you own?" I said breathily.

"I have an old silver Volvo that I had in high school, and a Harley at the house in the Hamptons."

 _Oh shit._

"You…you own a Harley too." My eyes widened and all of the blood in my body began to boil. "I love bikes." I said breathlessly then as a million pictures rolled through my head.

 _Edward, black t-shirt, wind in his hair on the bike._

 _Edward, tattoos showing, with the aviators and that sexy smirk streaking down the highway._

 _Edward taking me over the seat of the Harley._

I moaned and he quirked an eyebrow at me as he pulled away from the building.

I just pursed my lips. "I wanna go for a ride on it." I said with inflection and he laughed at my double entendre.

"Not any time soon, not while you're pregnant." He said sternly.

I pouted and he reached over and squeezed my leg and then put his hand back on the gear shift.

 _I'll put my hands on your gear shift._

 _Fuck, what is my problem tonight?_

 _Damn pregnancy libido._

Edward continued laughing and I finally blew out a breath and looked up to see where we were going. "Well you just have to promise me a ride next summer then."

"Are we still talking about the bike?" He joked.

"Yeah, I don't think you'll have to wait that long for the other." I said lowly. His eyes flashed to me and I decided to play with him a bit. I leaned over and put my hand on his upper thigh as he squirmed. I could tell he was trying to focus on the road ahead, but it was just too much fun building the anticipation. I loved the chemistry we had, and I knew it would only make tonight better if we had a little build up.

I put my lips right to his ear and let my breath trickle down his neck. He shivered and gave me a sideways glance.

"But I should tell you, I can do some magnificent things on a bike."

"Fuck Bella." He groaned and I settled back into my seat. I could see him shift again and I laughed triumphantly.

He just shook his head and gave me his patented smirk. "I never would have guessed a cop's daughter would have such a thing for bikes?" He said questioningly.

I shrugged. "I'm all full of surprises."

"That you are." He said wryly and I realized that I wasn't the only one.

My eyes widened as I noticed where he pulled the car to a stop. I wasn't paying attention when he was driving and I realized then that he must have just driven around the block a few times before going the short distance to our destination.

I laughed and shook my head.

We were at Gray's…where it all began.

He parked on the side street and then walked around to get my door. I just laughed as he opened my door and gestured dramatically. As we walked, hand in hand, toward the age old hot dog stand I couldn't help but chuckle at his thought.

"What?"

"You. This is very clever."

He shrugged and we stepped in. "This is just our appetizer Bella…I'm not really taking you here for dinner."

I smiled. I wouldn't have cared if he did. Of course it wasn't very busy since it was seven at night but we both stepped up to order quickly. The staff and patrons looked at us like we were crazy. There we were, all gussied up for a night on the town and standing in line for hot dogs at Gray's.

"What can I get ye'?" The man behind the counter said.

Edward gestured to me and I quickly told him I wanted a hot dog with ketchup, mustard and kraut. I looked at Edward then and he had a strange expression on his face.

"What's wrong? Don't you like that? We don't have to get it that way."

"No." He smiled as he squeezed my hand. "It's exactly how I always order mine as well." He said then.

"I guess it was meant to be."

He tugged me closer to him and leaned down to kiss me gently. "I knew it the first time I touched you…right there." He nodded toward the spot where we collided and I smiled into his kiss.

"Me too." I said quietly.

We quickly split our hot dog and joked about the ketchup incident that day until we left. Finally Edward gave it up that he was taking me to The River Café, a classic New York restaurant which had an amazing view of the Brooklyn Bridge.

I was ecstatic. Growing up in Brooklyn I always wanted to go there and he thought it was a nice way to recognize both of our backgrounds. He was always so considerate and thoughtful. I still couldn't believe that I found him. Whatever force in the universe brought us together, I knew I was lucky and I could never imagine being with anyone else.

The night progressed and I literally fell in love with him all over again. We talked and laughed about everything and nothing at all through dinner and dessert. We didn't mention the investigation or Eliot or the other things weighing on our minds. Instead we just ate and laughed and told stories about our college experiences, growing up and the antics of both of our brothers. We were reconnecting just as we had the first times we were together. We were learning and focusing on one another outside of the confines of my condo…and it was liberating and exhilarating, yet familiar and comfortable at the same time.

As we made our way back into the City, I squeezed Edward's knee. It was dark. The lights of the City were twinkling, the streets were abuzz with people. But I was still reveling in the fact that we were out, together, and able to just _be_ together so naturally.

"Thank you for a wonderful night." I whispered as I squeezed his leg.

"It's not over yet." He smiled and I raised a brow at him.

Then he almost blushed in the light of the car and I wondered what he was thinking.

"It might seem kind of cheesy, but I've always wanted to do this one thing... my mother's favorite movie is that old Cary Grant movie… _An Affair to Remember_." I nodded, knowing the love story he was talking about.

"I love that movie." I smiled, knowing what he wanted to do.

He relaxed then. "Good, because I want to take you and I didn't want you to think it was stupid." He said.

"I would never think it was stupid. And just so you know. I think it's incredibly romantic." I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and he smiled.

He pulled into the parking garage next to the Empire State Building and we walked in to pay our fare to make the ride up. Edward pulled me into his side and I smiled up at him as we ascended.

Once we walked out at the top of the building, the sight was beyond compare. Edward had the look of a little boy on his face. His eyes were alight with excitement and we were only two of about four people up there. We stepped over to the edge and took in the City before us. It truly was breathtaking and we could see for miles and miles. Before us was the City we both loved, the Chrysler Building on one side and the bay on the other, Rockefeller Center and in the dark distance Central Park.

I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me into him as we stared out at the landscape, simply taking it all in. It was home, and I knew it wasn't just the City that I felt that way about. At that moment, I was overcome with emotion. He had been through so much. He had seen so many things to finally bring him back here, to finally allow him to move on again and enjoy something as simple as this. Then and there I felt like this really was a new beginning. We were still us and we were still incredibly connected on so many levels that neither of us could explain, yet both appreciated and amazed us more than we could say. But we were moving forward into a new part of our lives. We were putting the heartache and the fear and anger behind us. We were moving on together.

I sighed as he kissed the top of my head and I could feel the emotion flowing through him as well. I wasn't sure how long we stood there until I turned around to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. The jade of his eyes was so intense, so astounding, I didn't know what to say. So I simply said the three words that couldn't even begin to express the feelings I had for this man.

"I love you." I whispered and reached up to kiss him. The same spark of electricity that was always there shot through my body. I wasn't sure how, or when, but somewhere along the line I had come to believe that we were soul mates, that even if it hadn't been that day at Gray's we would have met somehow, someway. It was a powerful, consuming feeling yet calming as well.

He reached his hands up to cup my cheeks as his lips moved against mine. They were soft, yet firm and moved so perfectly as he deepened the kiss. My hands instinctively clutched at his hair, drawing us closer until there wasn't a whisper of air between us.

At last we broke and he gently kissed me again and opened his eyes. But his hands remained on my face and I could tell he was trying to think through what he wanted to say. He opened and closed his mouth and then sighed as he kissed me again.

Finally he spoke and I could hear the emotion in his voice as I stared at him.

"Bella…I…" He trailed off. "I love you…more than I can say…more than I ever thought possible." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Those words can't even express what I feel for you, yet I don't know how else to say it."

I covered his lips with mine and we lost ourselves yet again. When at last we broke panting he pressed his forehead to mine and I murmured to him.

"I was just thinking the exact same thing."

Edward smiled and then pulled me into a fierce hug, wrapping his arms around me fully and tucking me into him. It was electric, yet warm and soothing at the same time. We both just let the moment wash over us as we stood in the embrace.

"10 minutes!" The guard yelled from the door and we sighed and broke apart. Edward kissed me again and I grabbed his hand as we made our way to the elevator.

"So…was it a good first date?" He asked more lightly then.

"So far…of course I haven't gotten my kiss at the door yet." I teased.

"I thought it was going to be more than a kiss at the door." He murmured so the guard in the elevator couldn't hear us.

I chuckled and squeezed his hand. I knew we were going home together and it wasn't for the first or the last time, but it would be just as memorable as it had always been.

*&^%$#

I rolled over and felt the empty side of the bed for the first time since I was back. I blinked slowly to take in the room around me and I listened for sounds in the condo. As I glanced at the alarm clock I realized it was almost ten. I frowned. I never slept this late, but I had been much more tired the last few weeks. The doctor told me I would be, but I felt like I missed the day sleeping in.

Even though Edward and I didn't go to bed until very late after making love when we got back and then again in the shower when we attempted to get cleaned up, I was disappointed to be up so late.

Just then I heard the door open and close and I sat up and sleepily rubbed my eyes to awaken. I heard his footsteps across the floor and then he stepped in to the room. His body was covered in sweat and his hair was an absolute mess.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Good morning sleepy head." He stepped over and kissed me and I hummed, still not fully awake.

"Did you go down to the gym?" I asked.

"Yeah, and I ran through the park."

"I can't wait to get back, I'm sick of the bike." I frowned.

"I bet." He smiled. "I'm going to take a shower." He gestured and I nodded.

I walked out to the kitchen to make something for breakfast as I listened to the shower running. It was weird being home day in and day out, but I was going back to work a week from Monday. Although it was Sunday, October 14, I was hoping to be back in time for the big holiday preparation. I knew we would be busy getting everything ready before Thanksgiving.

I whipped up some eggs and toast as I turned on the music on the iPod. Edward walked out then. I admired the lines of his muscles through his t-shirt and the way his freshly washed hair hung in his face. Then I realized that this would be the sight I would have all the time now and I smiled to myself.

"What are you smiling about?" He asked with a small smirk.

"You…this…" I said.

He walked over and wrapped his arms around me as I stood at the stove and put his hands over my stomach.

"Mmmm. I love this. I love you." He said as he kissed my neck.

"Go sit down lover boy, so I don't burn your eggs." He chuckled and with a kiss on the head he turned. He poured himself a cup of coffee and some orange juice for each of us.

"So what are your plans for the day?" I asked.

"Well…I was actually thinking about going to Brooklyn to talk to Angela and see Eliot."

I pondered it for a moment. That was a very good idea and at the same time I got another thought.

"Maybe we could go to my Dad's as well." I suggested.

He thought for a moment before he set down his glass. "Don't you want to do that on your own?"

"Well…you could drop me off at Charlie's and go see Angela and Eliot and then you can come back and we can have dinner there. What do you think about that? Then you can meet my father…in a more normal setting." I added. "And we'll both have time to chat."

"That sounds like a great idea."

I nodded and went back to making breakfast. Finally I asked him how his talk with his parents went yesterday. He said it was good, and they reacted much better than he expected. They wanted to meet Eliot and I knew Edward was nervous about it, but it was time to finally do it. So we made plans to talk to Alice and Esme and put something together. I told Edward about my conversation with Alice and he was glad we were able to mend fences as well. He still needed to sit down with her and I knew we both needed to talk to Jazz yet, but we were getting there.

Slowly but surely we were healing—all of us.

We were quiet for a moment as I finally raised an issue I had been thinking about since the day I left the hospital.

"Edward, have you thought about seeing anyone…now that this is all over?" I asked tentatively.

He paused as he took a sip of his coffee and looked up at me. "Um…yeah…actually I have." He said in a breath.

Relief instantly washed over me and I stepped over to the drawer where I put the card for the psychologist Dr. Brandon suggested.

"Um…Dr. Brandon referred me to this woman. I guess she is very good with PTSD and…grief counseling." I handed the card to him.

He swallowed, but then he lifted his hand for the card. "Shelly Cope." He said.

"Yeah."

We were silent for a moment again and then he said something I never expected.

"Would you come with me? I mean…the first time."

"Of course…" I breathed. "If that's what you want?" I questioned then.

He nodded and furrowed his brow. "Yeah. I was kind of thinking…we should maybe go a few times together…with everything happening." He said then.

I was shocked, but as I thought about it, it made perfect sense. We had only been together for a few months under the strangest of circumstances. We were thrust into this new life, living together, experiencing unbelievable revelations in both of our lives, and we were having a baby.

"I think that's a very good idea too." I said.

I walked around and stepped in between his legs as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I gave him a gentle kiss and we had a quiet moment in the light of the kitchen.

*&^%$#

"So you'll come back in a couple hours?" I asked.

"Yeah. Good luck with your Dad." He smiled.

I kissed him quickly and took a deep breath. "You too…and be careful where you park this car, it is Brooklyn." I teased.

"I think I can take care of it." He winked.

I laughed and with one final kiss I stepped out of the car. I gave him a small wave as I turned and looked at my childhood home. I walked up to the door and before I could reach for the handle it opened.

"Hey." My Dad said quietly.

"Hi Dad."

"Was that Edward? Where did he go?"

"He needed to meet with someone and…he wanted to give us some time to chat."

My Dad swallowed and nodded as he opened the door wider.

In a matter of minutes we were sitting at the kitchen table. My Dad had his bottle of beer and I had a glass of water. It was so still you could hear each of our breaths as neither of us knew what to say next.

Surprisingly Charlie started the conversation.

"How's your shoulder feeling?"

"Good…it's uh…healing." I said and he nodded. I ran my finger over the edge of the glass as the quiet settled around us again. Finally I asked exactly what I had been thinking since the first time I started to put it together in the hideout.

"Was it really the first time you found out…right before Grandma died?" I asked. He quirked his eyebrow at me and I told him how I heard him and Grandma talking that day and what Brad said. He just shook his head.

"Yes it was. And I owe you an explanation…I know that."

"I just want to know the story. The truth. I'm really not mad Dad…the last few weeks have been…eye opening." I said. "Life's too short and I don't want to live in the past. But I do want to know everything so I can protect myself…protect us in the future." And with the inflection in my voice I knew he could tell I wasn't talking about Edward.

He nodded then and launched in. It was a remarkable tale. I couldn't believe it, how my Grandma Lucy came over to the arranged marriage and how she escaped. I couldn't help but notice the parallels with her life and mine in her relationship with my grandfather. It was a truly amazing story and I admired my grandmother even more than I had.

After hearing the truth, the full extent of it, and my Dad's affirmations that he really did just want to keep me safe, I knew I found my answers. I was ready to let it go. I wasn't upset with him or Brad. It was still somewhat unbelievable to me that I could be the granddaughter of the most notorious mobster of the twentieth century. I knew it would take a long time for it to sink in.

"It's crazy huh." I said then as he finished.

"It really is." He cleared his throat. "You know…it feels good that you know now. I'm sorry it had to come out the way it did and everything that happened…" He stopped and I could see him getting choked up a bit.

"Dad." I grabbed his hand across the table. "That wasn't your fault. Or Edward's…or even Phil's from what I understand." His eyes flashed with anger at the mention of my fugitive step-father then. But it slowly cleared.

"People like Jan…and Aro. They're just pure evil. They have no concept of the world and there was nothing you could have done about them." I shook my head.

"I know…trust me I know. I see it all the time unfortunately." He sighed.

I furrowed my brow as I thought about what I wanted to ask him next. "What's going to happen to Jacob?"

Charlie let out a breath and set his now empty beer bottle aside. "He pleaded it down, since he was willing to help the FBI. But he still got three to five and hopefully he'll be out in three with good behavior. I'm not happy with him, but it seems like he's trying to do the right thing now."

"What about Leah?" I asked.

"I uh…that was something I wanted to talk to you about."

 _Talk to me about?_

"Well…with everything that happened…I started to realize some things myself. Life's too short, as you said. We both know that."

I nodded as he continued.

"Sue is going to move in with me and Leah is going to move into her and Harry's house, that way she can sell the one she and Jacob owned and not have to worry about a mortgage payment. She's going back to school and with the boys and everything…" He started ramble but I grabbed his hand again.

"Dad. I'm happy for you. It's time, you deserve to be happy. And I don't mind Sue living here. I'm just glad you both found someone." I looked around the room then and decided we needed to lighten the conversation. "Besides, this place could use some remodeling and a woman's touch anyhow."

My Dad smiled and shook his head in agreement. "Yeah, I guess it could."

We chatted for a few more minutes and I told him that I wanted to make dinner and he should see if Sue and Leah and the boys wanted to join us…since they were really going to be family soon anyhow. I mentioned that Edward would be back in a half hour and that he was planning to eat with us as well and some of the new developments in our lives with the baby and moving. He smiled when he told me "that boy is crazy about you." And I just agreed and told him I was crazy about him too.

Finally we stood up and I walked over and gave him a hug. He sighed as he pulled me into his chest. It was comforting and warm. He still smelled like Old Spice and cotton—the smells of my childhood. As we stepped back, he cleared his throat and I could tell he was trying not to get choked up again.

"I'm going to go up and talk to Brad." I raised my eyes to the ceiling and my Dad knew what I meant.

"I have some news to share with him." I smiled then. "Right Grandpa."

He grunted and shook his head. "Hard to believe…but I'm happy for you Bell."

"Thanks Dad." I smiled and then walked up the stairs to my brother's room.

***I opened the door as I took a deep breath. As my eyes scanned the room, I noticed not a thing had changed since he died. I knew it was time for a renovation of it as well.

I walked over and traced my fingers down his desk and over the chair. I looked at the bulletin board, pictures of him and his buddies when he graduated from college and the police academy. I took in his Yankees pennant and memorabilia. I could still smell him, still hear his laugh and still see him sitting on his bed or doing push-ups on the floor so he could "get buff so I can pick up cute girls sis."

The memories rolled through my head in rapid succession, playing baseball in the street, making lemonade, running down to Jacob's and Sam's houses. Finally my eyes settled on the boom box that rested on the end of his desk. I smiled to myself as I walked over and curiously pressed the play button.

There was a CD in the player and I could hear it whirring to life. Suddenly the raspy sounds of Oasis began playing over the CD player. The songs instantly took me back almost fifteen years in time. This was Brad's favorite CD in college.

I sat down on the bed and, without willing it to, rubbed my hand over my stomach as the first song played. It was much too loud, as it always was when Brad played his music. The thought made me smile and made me sad at the same time to realize the stereo hadn't been touched since he died.

"Oh Braddy…I wish you were going to be here for this. I have so much to tell you." I whispered, hoping that somewhere he could hear me. I had gone to his memorial on 9/11 and told him all about Edward at the time. But I didn't know I was pregnant then.

I quickly wiped a tear away as I told him about finding everything out—about Grandma and Aro and the entire story. I told him I wasn't mad at him or Charlie for keeping it from me. I knew how hard it had to be for him. I could only imagine how hard it would have been for me to keep something like that from Brad. He was my best friend, my big brother from the day I was born.

Then I told him about everything that happened and how Edward saved me, in more ways than one. I rubbed my stomach, noticing that I had gained a little weight, yet it didn't bother me in the slightest.

"You would have been an uncle…" I said in a hushed tone as more tears rolled down my cheeks. I realized then, I needed this cry, I needed this moment with my brother and I let them flow freely.

"Edward and I are having a baby and I…" I trailed off. "I never thought I would be so emotional about it but I am. I just wish you would have been able to meet him or her."

I smiled as I said the next part, although the tears continued to run. "You could have taught the little one to play catch, gone to a Yankees game, or teased him or her relentlessly like you did me." I laughed and then bit my lip.

The CD switched over to "Don't Look Back in Anger" it was Brad's favorite song on the CD and of course mine as well. At that moment, I felt like he was there with me, in the room. He was putting his arm around me and comforting me like he always did if I got teased at school about something or got in a fight with one of the boys down the street.

I let the words and the sounds wrap around me as I listened. It was like a sign, a message, to move on and not to look back and be angry or hurt over everything. It was as though _he_ was telling me, from wherever he was, that it would all be okay.

Just then, I felt something. It was a presence. And I looked up knowing he was there before I saw him.

My eyes met his jade ones and I could see the look of sadness and also the need to just _be_ there with me. He never got to meet my brother, or I his. But we both felt like we knew the other. We both lost so much and yet with coming together we gained an infinite amount in the long run.

He stood, his eyes transfixed on me as the tears left my eyes and at last he strode across the room. He bent down in front of me and wordlessly pulled me into his arms as I cried. He just knew, how I felt, what I needed in that moment was simply his arms around me. I cried for the fact that our baby would never meet either of its uncles, I cried for what my grandmother went through to get us here, I cried for what Edward had gone through. But it was so needed and I realized everything I had been through was finally settling in.

At last my tears stopped and I felt an overwhelming sense of calm wash over me…over both of us. Edward pulled back and put his hands on my face and rubbed away the last few tears and then leaned up to kiss my forehead.

I just sat there as his eyes traveled down and settled on the hand that was still over my stomach. I lifted it up and ran it through is hair, but at the same time he bent forward and kissed me right over my thickening middle.

I just let my hands stroke through his soft strands as the last bars of the song came to a close. I couldn't help but pick up on the few words that were so fitting for our lives now. We could be angry about everything that happened—to our brothers, to us, to the ones we loved. Or we could go on and not look back in anger as the song suggested.

As Edward lifted his head back up and I could see the emotion in his eyes as well, I knew the answer. It was just us…the three of us…going forward from here on out. And we wouldn't look back and dwell on the past anymore. We were starting over, together. And we would keep their memories alive.

At last he grabbed my hand and helped me up. I gave one final look around the room and took it all in for the last time. I planned to tell Sue to pack up his stuff and redecorate it. It was time. It was time for all of us. And as I shut off the light and the door closed, I made a promise to myself, to Brad.

I wouldn't look back, at least not in a bad way.

 _But don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger  
I heard you say_

 _At least not today._

 *** &^%$#**

 **~Agent Cullen~**

I glanced over at Bella as I turned the final corner for her, well our, block. She smiled as she squeezed my hand and she looked so much more happy and content than when I found her this afternoon. I knew as soon as I heard the songs coming from Brad's room that she was having a moment with her brother.

After asking Charlie a _very_ important question when I got there, I was torn between going upstairs to see how she was doing and letting her be. But something was drawing me there. Following the sounds of the _Oasis_ song, I couldn't help but take the stairs up to see her. What I saw had me heartbroken and somewhat relieved at the same time. I knew she had been holding a lot in, trying to be strong for me and not allowing herself to really work through everything.

When she suggested counseling that morning I was glad. After the horrible few weeks I had debriefing and seeing how she was handling everything, I was thankful that she wanted to go. I had never felt the need before. But after having to relive the days of her disappearance and pull together bits and pieces of the investigation over and over again, I knew deep down I needed to talk to someone. I knew I needed to finally hash through the issues over my brother, Jan and if I was being honest with myself, everything that transpired between Bella and me.

I hit the garage door opener and Bella shook her head at me again. When I started moving my stuff over last week and we started to live together—officially—I called the condo association to purchase a spot in the garage.

I pulled into the spot and walked around to get Bella's door. She rolled her eyes again and I just shrugged. She would find out soon enough that I would be opening doors for her a lot now—like all the time. We strode into the elevator and she still took a deep breath as we walked up. I squeezed her hand knowing that she was working through her anxiety.

Nonetheless, the feeling of coming home to her, going to bed with her every night and waking up next to her every morning was indescribable. That alone made the last three weeks bearable.

As we walked into her place and settled into our nightly routine I couldn't help but smile a bit. The night was good. Bella cleared the air with her father and with her brother in her own way. We had dinner together, and Bella made her famous lasagna. I realized I was going to have to keep up my rigorous workouts to make sure I didn't put on sympathy weight with her. If there was one thing my girl could do it was cook.

Even so, it was refreshing to spend an evening with Charlie outside of the FBI headquarters and not when we were on a manhunt. I got to meet, what I could tell, was her future step-mother. Sue was very nice and I could see the way she and Charlie stole secret glances at one another. It wouldn't be long before they got married.

Leah and her boys were great as well. I only knew Leah from what Bella told me about her and so I was a bit wary at first. But I could tell that they were both making an effort to forge a new relationship, to put everything with Jacob behind them. I felt bad for Leah, even though I barely knew her, but I could see the glint in her eyes, that look of resolve. When she talked about going back to finish her business degree and moving into her mother's house, I could tell she would be okay.

I finished brushing my teeth and climbed into bed next to Bella. I could tell she was exhausted. Being pregnant was really making her tired, but supposedly she said it would be better in a couple weeks when she was done with her first trimester.

I couldn't believe she was already almost eleven weeks along. She was starting to show and I loved it. I couldn't wait to see what she looked like when she really started showing.

I knew she was nervous about the baby, but we had time. I just wanted to put everything behind us and go forward. I couldn't wait for the investigation to be over so that we could do just that.

"Good night Liefje. I love you." I wrapped my arms around her, resting one hand over her stomach.

"Mmmm. I love you too." She hummed and I could tell she was already half asleep. I kissed her temple and pulled her more snugly to me.

I wasn't tired. But after everything we had been through, I just cherished the ability to hold her while she slept. I could lay there for hours, and a few nights I had, just holding her.

As her breaths evened out and she drifted off to sleep I thought back on everything that happened the last few weeks. As soon as we left the hospital in New Jersey we had a protective detail outside of her condo building 24/7 until the most dangerous members of the organization were apprehended. I was still nervous and constantly felt like I had eyes in the back of my head. But I knew that feeling wouldn't wane anytime soon. After a week, my parents detail was lifted and so was Alice and Jasper's.

The bulk of the threats had been taken into custody, all except for Kebi and Phil Dwyer. Several of our contacts suspected Kebi took off to the Middle East, where he had family and we couldn't make them extradite him. The FBI had a few leads on where Phil was and Renee didn't have a clue.

Bella just shook her head when I told her what Emmett found out from her mother.

 _"_ _Doesn't surprise me." She had muttered._

Apparently Renee had no idea that Phil had been involved with the people he was. She thought all of his acquaintances were on the up and up—including Laurent Dufor and James Raven. When we told her that her husband had serious gambling debts, that he was involved in running drugs, guns, girls and various other illegal trades through his building sites she was shocked. She even denied it at first. But then she broke down and said that she knew he had gambling issues and he was gone a lot recently. Yet she had no idea where he had gone to this time. She didn't know anything about Jan or Aro Volturi, and luckily, he was still rotting in Leavenworth. As Bella said on more than one occasion, Renee stuck her head in the sand, content on continuing to live her trophy wife life, and just refused to look at any of it.

I knew Bella hadn't talked to her Mom since everything happened, and I wasn't sure what she was planning to do in that regard. I just tightened my arms around her as I thought about everything.

Once the FBI apprehended Raven, Dufor, the men from the Buxton Group as well as the Vladimir and Stefan and the others they instantly brought in some of their best interrogators from across the country. I didn't take part in the interrogations, but Emmett did. I knew that they worked multiple members of the organization against one another. None of them would go to trial, they would end up pleading down on their crimes. But many of them were charged with so many counts that it didn't matter, they would rot away in jail for the rest of their lives like they should.

The financials and paper trails that the FBI found on Cullen Enterprises was staggering. The ties to the Volturi, Draconis as well as even older organized crime rings filled in gaps for decades old cases that were never closed, or never fully finalized. Although Jan had his hand in a number of illegal activities, he had also kept a substantial amount of legal assets.

Unfortunately, I knew I was going to be on the receiving end of a lot of it once his will was read and Cullen Enterprises was bought out. I didn't want it. I didn't want a thing from him. I already had a trust, that even now I was a bit disturbed about using. But my father ensured me that he set it up for me, even if it was originally from Jan's money, and that I shouldn't think about my grandfather in respect to that. What I did with any inheritance from Jan on the other hand was my business.

So, I had an idea. And as soon as the will was read I decided I wasn't going to keep a dime of it. Instead I was going to donate it to something I loved—something both Bella and I loved. The Met.

I didn't care about money—even though I never really had to work. I knew it shocked Bella when I pulled up in my Aston the night of our "first date", but I really didn't think anything of it. I bought it the summer after I graduated from Georgetown and thought I was pretty cool for having it at the time. I was actually considering trading it in to get a new car for us—our growing family. But the way she looked at me when I was driving the car, I knew I couldn't get rid of it. My body tingled everywhere as her eyes burned through me. And I had to admit, I was ecstatic and a bit relieved that the same fire was there between us, even though all of the secrecy had lifted.

The secrets, the lies, the hiding, it was all finally over. I took a deep breath, just reveling in Bella's scent. I didn't know what I was going to do yet. I had mixed emotions about the FBI. It was all I knew and I still felt compelled to serve, even after everything came out. But I couldn't help but be pissed at Fortnight and everyone else who kept my brother's true identity from me for so long. I felt robbed of knowing a huge part of him, robbed of knowing what he did and why he died for so long. I knew the only thing that could heal that would be when they finally found his body.

They were planning to do a search party before the snow fell. I think everyone felt as though he was buried somewhere near the course in New Jersey. I didn't attend Jan's funeral, as I told my father I wouldn't. But if they found Eric's body, I actually wanted to hold a new memorial and attend it. I wanted to be able to put his remains in his resting place, finally.

I was still feeling a torrent of emotions in the aftermath of everything. I was immensely relieved and finally felt closure over my brother. But I was still pissed as hell about the way he died. When Bella told me that Demitri was the one who killed him, I couldn't help but have a sense of satisfaction over the fact that I truly took out his killer—an eye for an eye.

But at the same time, I didn't regret it. I was glad he and Jan and many of the other Dracs were dead or in prison. I knew I would never quite shed the feeling of having to look over my shoulder. But I would protect Bella with everything I had in me. And the day Aro Volturi died in his cell I might finally feel some peace.

Nevertheless, I was ready to move on—ready to get married, ready to buy a new place, to settle back into a life in New York that I gave up so long ago. I was ready to do it all with Bella. I thought back on the day of our first date and all of the things that transpired that day. I not only had our first huge night out, but I met with my parents and I made the biggest purchase of my life…

 _I was walking out of a morning meeting with Garrett and I knew I had some time to kill before I went to my parents. It was an unusually nice October day and I decided to take a cab up to 5_ _th_ _Avenue and stretch my legs. I had a major purchase to make and I knew I needed to do some looking around before I did it._

 _I wasn't sure what I wanted in an engagement ring and I knew Bella was artistic, yet simple. She wasn't the type of woman that would fuss over the size or the style. Yet at the same time, I wanted her to love it, and I had to admit the caveman side of me wanted a rock on her hand showing the world that she was mine—for the rest of our lives._

 _As I turned the corner on 57_ _th_ _street I looked up at the giant store in front of me. Tiffany's. I glanced in the window to see a few pieces and finally decided I better get a closer look so I at least had an idea what I was looking for. Even though I really didn't know, I just knew I would know it when I saw it. I already asked Kate for her ring size when I was at the office the week before and she grinned and clapped her hands—I could have sworn she was my sister._

 _Finally I blew out a breath and stepped in the store in my black t-shirt, leather jacket, jeans and boots. The clerks eyed me warily and I couldn't help but chuckle internally. They thought I couldn't afford to be in there, but as soon as I said my name they would be bending over backwards. It was stupid really. My father was a very good customer as well as the rest of my family, but because I didn't look like a high-society person they gave me the stink eye._

 _When I found out that Eric left me a substantial amount of money, I decided to put it to good use. He had given me the ability to get Bella back. So I planned to use it for her ring, as well as a college fund and trust for our little one. It was my own little personal tribute to keep his memory alive, letting it live on through us and through our baby._

 _Luckily, even with the takedown, Jan's name and my family's name stayed out of the papers. I think Fortnight knew how pissed I was at him. And I think it was his attempt to recognize my brother's and my contributions to everything by keeping it all relatively quiet. They didn't care about releasing the Dracs names or some of the others. But until my Dad had a chance to collect himself to give a proper interview, the FBI agreed to keep everything involving Jan under wraps._

 _In truth, he was the only evil one. I was still proud to be a Cullen. I was still proud of my heritage and I wore my tributes to my brother with even more honor now. The way I saw it, I was my father's son—not Jan's grandson. Any affiliation I had with him died with him. He was the only evil one. As cold as Sasha was, she was merely clueless. My aunts and my cousins didn't do anything wrong, nor anyone else in my extended family, so I refused to be ashamed by it._

 _When the time came and the papers got a hold of the real way Jan Cullen died—not in a freak Helicopter accident as was released—then my father and mother would sit down with some hot shot reporter for the Times or Dateline and go through it all with the help of the FBI. I wanted it to be clear that_ he _didn't reflect our family. My father was the face of our family now._

 _So as I glanced through the glass at the engagement rings, looking at nothing and anything in particular, finally one of the clerks stepped up to help me. She seemed nice, not like the others who were eyeing me strangely and she gave me a smile._

 _"_ _Hi. Can I help you with something?" She asked sincerely. She wasn't even undressing me with her eyes, which I was pleased about. That shit got old real fast too, even if I did have on my bad boy garb most of the time lately._

 _"_ _Yes, actually I was hoping to look at some engagement rings." I smiled._

 _"_ _My name's Rachael, I would be more than happy to help you. Do you know what type you're looking for?"_

 _I could see one of the older clerks eyeing us and I decided to play it out a bit._

 _"_ _I've never done this before, so I don't really know where to start?"_

 _She proceeded to ask me if I knew what Bella liked and I just continued to shake my head. But she was very patient and very kind and after a few more questions she let it slip that it was only her first week. For some reason, I wanted to help her, even if I didn't buy and engagement ring today, I was going to buy something because Rachael was nice and I wanted to give her a bit of commission just for not being a hoity-toity bitch like the others._

 _Finally I spoke a little more loudly. "Well, I want something very high quality, very big, and very beautiful—but not gaudy. So if you can manage that, then have at it." I laughed._

 _She gave me a big smile and I saw the older woman saddle up to us then._

 _"_ _Do you need some help Rachael?" She said too sweetly._

 _I turned to look at her and gave her a stern look. "Actually no, I think Rachael can take care of it."_

 _Rachael smiled again. "I think I have the perfect one actually. I'll be right back."_

 _I nodded and proceeded to look through some of the ones in the glass, but nothing stood out at me. I could feel the older woman hovering and I was getting annoyed._

 _"_ _So do you know what size you want?"_

 _"_ _Well how big can you get?" I asked and she frowned._

 _"_ _Um. Generally our largest are 2.5 carats, however you can have others custom made, but it's_ very _expensive." She annunciated._

 _I rolled my eyes internally. Now I remembered why I didn't care about being a New York elite. I didn't want to deal with this shit all the time, the people falling over at your feet just because you had money. Or on the flip side, they treated you like crap if you didn't. I had developed a whole new appreciation for that in my years undercover._

 _"_ _I don't think I will have time to get a custom one, but I think 2.5 sounds just about right."_

 _Her eyes widened in shock as I said that I wanted the largest they had and finally I saw Rachael coming back out._

 _"_ _I brought two." She gave a sideways glance at the older woman and I could see her watching intently. "I wasn't sure the size but based on what you said, I grabbed you my two favorites." She blushed a bit and I smiled. She reminded me of my Bella. She was simply being nice, and helpful, not like a wolf after its kill like the older woman._

 _She went on to explain the difference between the two lines of rings before opening the boxes. The names were vaguely familiar and I felt like maybe my sister had the Legacy ring that she was talking about._

 _"_ _You know the Legacy is the most popular, but I have always liked the Embrace line better. It's a little simpler and the center diamond really stands out more." She smiled shyly as she opened the box._

 _The ring staring back at me was perfect. It was a large 2.5 carat round sparkling diamond surrounded by a small ring of diamonds and had diamonds running around the band. But I could see exactly what she meant. The center stone was still the master piece. The other diamonds just accented it without taking away from its beauty._

 _I had to have it._

 _It fit Bella perfectly. She was like the center diamond, large and radiant and impeccably clear. Yet the bits and pieces of all the things I loved about her just accented it all the more. I smiled to myself as I looked at it. This was a ring I would be proud to put on her finger and have her wear for the rest of our lives._

 _"_ _This is perfect." I smiled as I lifted it up._

 _"_ _She's a lucky girl." Rachael said._

 _I shook my head. "No. I'm the lucky one." I murmured._

 _Her eyes softened as I looked at the diamonds gleaming in the light. Even if I looked for weeks or went up and down 5_ _th_ _Avenue and all over New York City searching, I knew I would never find a ring I loved as much as this one._

 _"_ _What size is it?" I asked._

 _"_ _It's a six."_

 _I smiled and shook my head again. "That's what I need. Can I take it today?"_

 _Her eyes widened in shock as she could see I was completely serious._

 _"_ _You mean…put a down payment on it?" She said in disbelief._

 _Just then the older woman made her way over like the vulture she was._

 _"_ _Do you already have a credit line with us…Sir…or should I start looking into opening one?" She asked tentatively._

 _I sighed internally again. "Nope. I will be paying cash."_

 _She blinked then and I could tell she was running through it all in her head._

 _"_ _Well I will still have to set up an account for you. Can I get your name?"_

 _"_ _Hmmm." I said dismissively, and just to make her a bit agitated. "Actually can you do it…since you helped me and all?" I said to Rachael._

 _"_ _Um…uh…of course."_

 _The older woman huffed and I winked at Rachael. She smiled sheepishly in thanks._

 _"_ _I can just wire the money directly over correct?"_

 _"_ _Y-yes." She said still amazed._

 _"_ _Good. The last name is Cullen. Edward Cullen."_

 _I heard the older clerk's intake of breath and Rachael's eyes widened when I said my name. Then she laughed and shook her head._

 _We went to one of the private desks to arrange the payment as I gave her my account number from memory and she just blinked at me in amazement._

 _"_ _Photographic memory." I said and she smiled._

 _"_ _Ah."_

 _Once I was rung up and I had the most important piece of jewelry I had ever bought in my breast pocket, I got up to leave. I could see the other clerks gossiping at a different area and looking over to us._

 _Rachael just shook her head and blew out her breath._

 _"_ _For what it's worth…thanks for being so nice. You'll get way more business that way." I smiled at her._

 _She smiled in return and I shook her hand before leaving._

 _"_ _Ladies." I nodded to the other clerks and their mouths all snapped shut as I walked by. I just chuckled and proceeded out to 5_ _th_ _Avenue to get a cab to my parents' place._

As I lay there looking at Bella, I couldn't wait to get that ring on her finger. I almost asked her on our date at the top of the Empire State Building. But I didn't have it with me at the time and I had something a little more elaborate planned.

Nonetheless when I asked my father to hold it for me that afternoon he gave me a conspiratorial wink and said he would be happy to put it in the safe at their house.

My mind drifted to the talk I had with my parents then. It was long overdo. And even though I was on an almost euphoric high after buying Bella's ring, I knew it was going to be a difficult conversation…

 _"_ _Edward…come in darling." My Mom drew me into a hug at the door and I squeezed her tightly._

 _"_ _How are you Mom? How's Dad?" I asked then._

 _"_ _As good as can be expected." She smiled sadly. I knew there would be no love lost for Jan by my mother, but surely she felt bad for my father._

 _I followed her into the kitchen and we sat down at the small nook with a cup of coffee. I could feel my mother's gaze on me. Even with everything happening, the worry lines were no longer in her brow and she had a sense of calmness and even excitement about her._

 _But before she could speak, my father walked in. I stood up to shake his hand and he settled in next to my mother as a silence overtook us._

 _"_ _Well, I guess there is really no easy way to say this…" I swallowed and I could see my parents clasping hands under the table. "But Eric came to me in the summer of 2000 and told me that he got a girl pregnant."_

 _I saw my mother tense and I decided the easiest way to go about the entire thing was to explain to them everything I knew—including stuff from the investigation. So I went through how he asked me to keep it quiet, that I was pissed at him for putting me in that position and I thought they should know, but I would never betray him. I told them about how he wanted to be a part of Eliot's life, but he died shortly after Eliot was born. I mentioned my continued phone calls to Eliot, going to see he and Angela in Brooklyn whenever I was in New York and described him._

 _I couldn't help but smile, even as the tears rolled down my mother's face as I spoke of his mannerisms and looks and how he was so similar to Eric. Then I explained what I found out in the investigation, which my father knew part of it, and how the real reason he wanted me to keep him quiet was to keep him from Jan. When my Dad clenched his jaw and closed his eyes I felt terrible. Jan had taken not only thirteen years from my parents with respect to Eliot, but their own son as well._

 _Finally, I told them that we were going to reveal it all the night Dad and I found out about Eric's involvement at Reycon and that Bella was planning to help me._

 _"_ _She thought you should know. From the beginning she told me that. So I want you to know she didn't have anything to do with keeping the secret about him." I sighed. "I only hope you can forgive me for not telling you for so long."_

 _I looked down at my coffee cup when I felt a warm hand over mine. As I looked up, I was met with resolute green eyes._

 _"_ _Edward. I must admit I was very upset when your father first told me but…" My Mom looked away for a moment and then back to me. "Once I started to find out about your grandfather, and knowing you and your loyalty to your brother, I knew you could never betray his trust."_

 _Then she reached down and pulled out a letter. It was so similar to the one he wrote me._

 _"_ _Mom, I don't want to read that. It's for you to read."_

 _"_ _I know. But I want you to know that he explained it all to us as well. And he asked us not to be mad at you. So…" She shrugged. "How can I deny his request either?"_

 _"_ _I'm so sorry Mom, I should have told you sooner though." I whispered._

 _She patted my hand and took a deep breath as the air cleared between us. "Edward, we can't change the past. But I sure hope we can change the future. I just want to be a part of his life now and want him to be a part of ours."_

 _I nodded and glanced at my Dad. I could see the look of agreement in their eyes. They had been through so much in the past few weeks, between me, my grandfather, my brother and worrying for their own safety. But my parents would never be the type to get caught up in bitterness and dwell on mistakes. They would forgive and forget and move on. And I needed to do the same._

 _"_ _I hope that can be the case as well." I finally said. "In fact, I am going to talk to Angela tomorrow to see if she can bring him by this weekend. I don't want to wait any longer."_

 _The emotion which played across my mother's face was immense. She was shedding tears of joy, relief, sadness and anticipation. And at once she jumped up and came around to pull me into a hug. I could see my father getting choked up as well and I couldn't help the lump that formed in my throat._

 _We just sat there quietly, letting the moment move us and hopefully take us to a place of peaceful resolve._

When I left my parents, I felt lighter than I had in years. It was very similar to the night I told Bella. My Mom decided to throw a "welcome home" party for me since I was officially returning to New York. Everyone would attend, including Rose and Emmett. I asked Angela to bring her new boyfriend Ben. I didn't want the party to feel like it was only for having Eliot meet my parents, but rather, I wanted him to be able to fit and blend in with my family as easily as possible. It was time.

At last, my eyelids became heavy and I could feel sleep overtaking me. It had been a long day, a long three weeks. But I was so ready to move forward that I was finally met with a dreamless night's sleep.

*&^%$#

Monday morning dawned into a crisp, clear fall day. I awoke, noticing that Bella was up before me. I stayed up thinking late into the night and she was probably refreshed after sleeping in yesterday. I could smell breakfast in the kitchen and I could only imagine her buzzing about. I loved the domesticity of it all. I loved being able to wake up like this every day.

I threw on a t-shirt and some pajama pants and brushed my teeth before I walked out to find her in the kitchen.

"Hey." She smiled and walked over to give me a kiss and I hummed into her lips. "Good morning." She whispered.

"Good morning to you too." I ran my hands down her arms and took in her appearance then. It looked like she had already been to the gym.

"You go hit the bike?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to get these stitches out tomorrow so I can start running again."

"I bet." I watched her as she moved effortlessly about the kitchen. Her shoulder really did heal well, but she was going to have some rehabilitation.

 _Weren't we all._

"So." She turned to me just then and I raised my eyebrows.

"So what?"

"I called to Dr. Cope's office and she actually had a cancellation on Wednesday. She said she could see us both for an hour and then set up our later appointments after that."

I nodded, mulling over the news. "Sounds good."

"Are you ready for the weekend now?" She asked then.

"Yeah. Angela was still nervous, but I assured her it would be fine. And it was really nice to see Eliot yesterday. It will be really nice to see him all the time actually."

"What are you going to tell him?" She asked as she buttered some toast.

I shrugged. "For now…just that I moved back and that his grandparents lived here and wanted to meet him at my 'welcome home party.' I wasn't sure what else to say."

She chewed her toast and was thoughtful for a moment. "It's got to be weird…for him too. He goes from having no Grandparents to your parents who are probably going to spoil him rotten."

I laughed. She was right. My mother was more than excited to meet him Saturday.

"True." I smiled.

We discussed our plans for the day. Bella found a few places online she thought we could go look at and I was excited at the prospect of buying a place with her. I couldn't help but watch her as she cleaned up our breakfast and waved her hands as she talked excitedly about a project she would get to help with when she returned to work.

When I was helping her wipe down the last of the counters I could feel her eyes on me as well. The electricity between us never dissipated. It was always a constant hum…a feeling, as though my skin had a tingle but in the absolute best way possible. I turned and she turned her head at the last second and I smirked as I folded my arms across my chest and watched her—the long lines of her neck as it led up to her ponytail, her long legs in her workout shorts and the way her fitted tee accentuated the curves of her body. She wasn't wearing any make-up, she was still wearing her clothes from the gym, but she had never looked more beautiful.

"Ok what?" She finally turned and eyed me exasperatedly.

"Nothing." I smirked at her.

"Edward…" She drew out my name and popped an eyebrow at me. But the look and the sound of her voice had the opposite effect—it sent a wave of desire up my spine.

I stalked over to her and she bit her lip as she gripped the counter behind her. I trapped her in, so much like the first night I took her here.

"Liefje, have I ever told you how sexy you are?" I skimmed my nose along her jaw and she snorted and slapped me playfully.

"I just got back from the gym. I bet I look real sexy right now."

"Mmmm. You do… and I can smell your shampoo and the vanilla from your body wash even more now that you're… _dirty_." I whispered. Suddenly she shivered and I knew I had her right where I wanted her.

"Well if I'm so dirty, maybe you better take me and clean me up then?" She teased.

I clicked my tongue as I skimmed down her neck and her hands came forward and fisted my shirt. "I don't know…I kind of like it when you're… _dirty_."

I heard her sharp intake of breath and I was waiting for her response. Instead she shocked the hell of out of me.

She cupped me and I groaned as she pressed her hand along my length through my pants.

"You know, I think it seems like someone else is a bit _dirty_ as well Agent Cullen."

 _Fuck, I loved it when she called me that._

She brought her eyes up to meet mine and I was met with her burning espresso orbs.

"Are you saying I need a shower?"

She turned then so that I no longer had her trapped against the counter and flexed her hips against me. I growled and gripped her hips.

"I'm saying…I might let you clean me up…" She smiled deviously as she nipped my lower lip. "If…"

"If what?" I rasped, still leaning in to kiss along her jaw and down her neck.

"If you can catch me." And with that she darted out of my hold and took off for the living room.

"Hey!" I shouted and chased after her as she shrieked. She was on the other side of the dining room table and I smirked at her as she tore off for the bedroom. We continued to laugh and run after one another until I finally grasped her and we fell onto the couch in the living room together.

But as she straddled my lap, our playfulness burst the desire within us and soon enough I was ripping off her shorts as she tore my t-shirt from my body. She scratched her fingernails down my chest and I growled at her again as I grabbed the back of her head and plunged my tongue into her mouth. In a matter of seconds, we were lips and hands and void of our clothes grinding on one another on the couch.

As I pulled my lips away from hers and nibbled and sucked my way down her neck I noticed the flat screen TV behind us made an almost perfect mirror.

Without warning, I flipped Bella around so that she was straddling me with her back against my chest. Her knees were on either side of my legs and I ran my hands down the side of her body roughly as I grasped at her waist, her hips, and back up to her breasts. I pinched her nipples roughly as I splayed my other hand across her stomach and pulled her back tighter to me. I could see us over her shoulder as my lips secured to her neck and she reached her arms up and threw her head on my shoulder.

"Ugh Edward, I fucking love your hands."

"Watch what my hands _and_ cock can do to you Liefje."

"Shit…What?" She said breathlessly as I continued my ministrations on her.

"Watch." I commanded. She lifted her head, and as she met my eyes in the reflection she moaned and pressed back into me.

I gripped her by the waist and lifted her as I brought her down on me completely. We both groaned at the sensation and I was overcome with the sight before me yet again.

"Oh God…I fucking love this Bella…I love making you come undone." I thrust up into her, slowly at first, as she lifted up and down and met me. My hands continued their rough exploration, feeling every bit of her beautiful body displayed before us. I couldn't touch her enough or feel enough of her skin as I watched us in the reflection.

"Jesus Edward." Her eyes met mine as she put her hands over my own and brought them to her breasts.

"Fuck Liefje." I groaned. "Touch yourself." I said then as I watched her hands guiding mine in the glass.

She took one away from mine as the other continued to guide me over her left breast and began to rub herself. I couldn't take my eyes away from it, I could see her entire body and the movements of her fingers like it was a mirror and it was fucking awe-inspiring.

"I think I like this the best." I ground out as we set a rapid pace together.

"Reverse cowgirl." She gasped.

"Oh yeah." I said. I was biting at her shoulder and nipping at her neck as she writhed and bounced above me.

 _Jesus what a sight._

Bella's beautiful, and fuck—larger, breasts were bouncing in the reflection.

"Now I just need a whip and a cowboy hat and I'd be all set." She said breathlessly.

 _Fuck._

"Don't tempt me." I growled again as I lightly slapped her ass.

She jumped but then she smiled wickedly at me as she turned her head and her lips met mine in a fiery kiss. Our movements became frantic as our tongues fought and my hands swept over her with fervor. I could feel her pulse rate quicken and I snaked one hand down to where we were joined and covered hers to work her faster.

"Oh fuck Edward." She pulled away and moaned. I could tell she was getting close and we were sprinting toward the edge together.

I pulled her ear in my mouth and whispered gravelly.

"Feel what you do to me Bella. I want you to see what I do to you." I said as I thrust up into her. She cried out and threw her head back against my shoulder again and lifted her arms up to grasp the back of my head. I impaled her harder and faster as she lifted up and slammed back down on me. Our movements were in time with my fingers which were now rubbing on her clit.

"Watch." I commanded again and I could tell she could barely keep her eyes open from the pleasure ricocheting through her. At last I pinched down on her and drove up, hard.

"Oh God, oh God. Yes, Edward, yes, yes!" She screamed out my name, clamping down on me and I was mesmerized as I watched her orgasm overtake her in the reflection. And that was all it took for my own release to shoot through my body as I joined her over the edge.

"Oh fuck Bella!" I grunted and wrapped my arms around her middle as she sagged back against me.

We were breathless and sweaty from our sudden romp on the couch. I turned her head to kiss her languidly as we slowly rocked coming down from our highs. At last, we slowed our kiss and our movements steadied as I clutched her to my chest.

I would never get enough of this woman—in every way. I just stared at her as she closed her eyes in the reflection and took in the beautiful lines of her body, her just a little bit thicker middle and her now tousled hair.

"Mmmm. Mijn Schoonhied, I think we need that shower now."

She laughed as she rested back against me and the flutter it caused her inner muscles to make made my cock start to respond again.

She turned and glanced at me in question and I shrugged. Then without warning, I picked her up and ran for the bathroom as she shrieked in delight.

I set her down in the shower and gave her ass another light slap and she jumped and her eyes flashed with mischief.

"You're insatiable Mr. Cullen."

"So are you." I quipped.

She sniggered. "Yeah but I have an excuse. I'm pregnant."

I turned the water on us and pulled her close to me as she gasped and looked up at me with a smile. "Well I have the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms, so I guess you're going to have to get used to it."

She rolled her eyes and jokingly nipped at my chin. "I think I like this Edward." She said raspily then.

I furrowed my brow for a second as I looked at her in question. "What Edward?"

"Playful, dirty…insatiable." She wiggled her eyebrows at me and I smiled and brought my lips to her neck.

"You have no idea what you're in for Liefje." I whispered darkly as my tongue circled her pulse point.

"Mmmm. But I can't wait to find out." She bantered back.

"Neither can I." I said as I brought my lips to hers and we devoured each other yet again.

*&^%$#

"Uncle E!" I heard him before I saw him, but I turned around to see his messy blonde mop running down the street at me.

"Umpf." He hit me with force but I scooped him up and gave him a big hug. "Hey Eliot." I set him down and ruffled his hair and he squirmed away.

"I can't believe you're going to live here now Uncle E!" He exclaimed.

Angela just laughed at him and I saw a dark haired man standing next to her with glasses and a patient look on his face.

"Hi. Edward Cullen…or you can call me Uncle E." I joked and extended my hand. I was trying to make this as comfortable as possible, even though I was nervous as hell.

"Ben Cheney." He smiled pleasantly and I shook his hand and he stepped back.

It was finally Saturday, the day of the big meeting and everyone else was inside while I came out to meet Angela, Ben and Eliot.

"Bella what are you doing here?" Eliot screeched just then, as he ran over to her as well. I turned to look and she was just stepping out the front door of my parents' home on the Upper East Side.

"I'm here for your Uncle E's party Eliot."

"Really?" He looked at her curiously then and furrowed his brow. "So are you Uncle E's girlfriend or something?"

"Yes, Eliot I am." She smiled at him and he pumped his fist.

"Cool."

We all laughed at Eliot and it helped to break the tension. I turned back to Angela and blew out a breath.

"Ready?"

"I guess." She said nervously.

"It will be fine. Trust me. They're so excited to meet you."

Bella gave Angela and Ben a quick hug and then laced her fingers through mine as we turned to go in.

She stopped quickly and turned to give me a kiss and whispered words of good luck.

"Ewww. Uncle E, Bella you can't kiss. That's gross."

I wrapped my arm around Bella, who was laughing, and turned to Eliot. "Don't worry Eliot, one day you'll understand."

He shook his head fervently and I chuckled at him. At last I opened the door and noticed everyone milling about as they had been only minutes before. I locked eyes with my sister and she gave me an anxious look as we stepped in. There were enough people that it didn't seem like too much of a big deal when we entered. My parents ended up inviting the Whitlocks, Seth, Kate and Garrett and a few other family friends.

I moved to the side and a hush fell over the room as Eliot stepped in and his eyes popped open.

"Whoa! Is this your house Uncle E?" He was glancing around at the large staircase and the piano.

"It used to be buddy. This is where your Dad and I grew up. But it's actually your Grandma and Grandpa's house."

"Cool." He breathed. "Did you hear that Mom?" He turned to look at Angela and at that moment I shot a glance over to my mother. She was gripping the back of the dining room chair and my father was holding her shoulders. I could see the tears in her eyes as she tried not to cry. Alice had a similar look of wonder as Jasper held her.

I turned and bent down in front of him then. "Do you want to meet them Eliot?"

"Sure." His eyes were still taking in the scene and I could see my parents walking over slowly.

"Are those my grandparents?" He child-whispered at me so that everyone could still hear him and I laughed.

"Yeah buddy, they are."

"But they don't look like grandparents. They don't look old at all." Bella started laughing and Angela turned bright red. My Mom and Dad both chuckled and it helped to ease the tension again.

Then my Mom bent down in front of Eliot and tentatively put her hand on his shoulder.

"Hi Eliot, I'm your Grandma…Esme." She said chokedly. But then she collected herself as I could see her eyes scanning his face. It was almost the exact same face as my brother.

"I'm Eliot Weber." He offered his hand politely and we all smiled.

"It's so nice to finally meet you." She said, shaking his hand. "I made a bunch of cookies and lemonade. Would you like some?"

He nodded emphatically. "Sweet! What kind?"

"Peanut Butter…it was um…it was your Dad's favorite." She said with a tight voice.

"That's my favorite too!"

She smiled another watery smile at him as she pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. "You look so much like him." She said quietly.

"Really?" He asked then.

"Oh yeah. So much like him." I could feel my breath hitch and suddenly a small hand wrapped around mine and pulled me up to her.

I sat back in amazement as my mother and my nephew talked about cookies and baseball and the new lego set Ben gave him. My Dad looked on with a huge grin on his face and Alice watched with shining eyes as well. The rest of the guests did their best to keep a din of noise around us so not to make the interaction the center of attention.

But soon enough Eliot was telling my parents knock knock jokes, and even said he was excited to meet his cousins when he saw Alice's belly.

Bella leaned into my side and I pulled her in front of me and wrapped my arms around her. I placed my hands over her stomach and thought about how far we had come, how far I had come in such a short time. So many terrible things happened, but there we were, making my family complete once again.

After our visit with Dr. Cope on Wednesday she told me, in private that it was good Bella and I had such a strong connection, but I needed to start doing things for me again. My entire adult life had been about Eric and the FBI, and now it was about Bella. She said I needed balance. I had to work on that.

On Thursday I finally went to meet with my sister and work to repair that relationship and then we went to dinner with Jasper and Alice Friday night as well. It was liberating to have everything finally out in the open. I felt so free sitting in a restaurant, conversing and having fun again with my family.

As I looked around the room, I couldn't find much better examples of great balance in my life than the people there. I knew we had a long road ahead, and many more sessions. But I knew in the end it would be worth it.

I leaned down and kissed Bella on top of the head as she sighed into me. Angela and Ben were chatting with Alice and Jasper. My father was showing Eliot a magic trick and my mother was just standing there taking it all in with the biggest smile I had seen on her face in years.

In that moment, I could feel my brother in the room. I could feel his presence through my family. And I knew I was finally healing and everything was just as it should be again.

 **XXXX**


	28. Chapter 28: Resolution

**Chapter 28: Resolution**

 ** _Learning to Fly by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers_**

 ** _~Bella Swan~_**

"I think we would be better off addressing this with the Board. I don't think they will want to undertake a huge new project even if we have the additional funding." Mr. Banner said.

"True, but where did this donor even come from? I mean, they seem to have some pretty explicit instructions." I offered.

"Yes. Very specific." He grumbled and then shook his head. "How is it they seem to always request you?"

I shrugged. I had no idea, but the last time it wasn't good, so I really hoped this had nothing to do with _him._

"I guess I'm just good at what I do. You'll miss me when I'm not here." I teased Bob. He was always so uptight and even though I only returned from my leave of absence three weeks ago, I had just informed him that I was pregnant and due in May.

"Trust me, I know, we missed you while you were gone." He said more softly then. "How are you feeling by the way?"

"I'm good." I said truthfully. And I was, in fact my shoulder was healing and recovering well and I felt like a million bucks now that I had officially entered my second trimester.

"Good to hear. Well, you'll have to tell me all about your meeting." He said with a strange smile on his face. "I'm taking off for the night. I'm taking Merideth to the new French place in SoHo."

"Have fun." I smiled and turned to walk back to my office.

I was perplexed and a bit annoyed. It was the Wednesday before the Thanksgiving holiday. We had been working a lot in the last few weeks to prepare the Met for the holiday season. But it was nice to be back to work, and after returning I knew I would want to come back, at least part-time, after the baby was born.

I walked back to my office and glanced at my watch. It was 5:00 and for some reason, some big new donor requested a private meeting with me. I was a little bit nervous about it, especially considering who the last donor was. I stepped into my office and sat down at my desk. I didn't really have time to start in on something new, so I just drummed my fingers on my desk as I thought about the last month.

The weekend after my first week back at work I finally went to see Renee. I had mixed emotions about it all. I had spoken with her on the phone, but I had yet to see her in person. I didn't know her involvement with all of it and apparently she didn't know much either. But something just rubbed me about the fact that she could be so oblivious to everything for so long…

 _I took a cab down to Bleecker and got out at John's Pizza just like I had only a few months prior. Except this time my life was drastically different. I wasn't meeting my mother and Phil and James. Thank God that wasn't the case tonight._

 _No, instead, I was going to tell my mother that I was twelve weeks pregnant, looking for a new condo and moving in with Edward. I was sure she would flip out, I just didn't know in what fashion. I rubbed my hand over my now thicker stomach. We still hadn't told anyone outside our immediate family. But regardless of what I thought of Renee I figured she deserved to know._

 _I stepped in and saw my mother at a table in the back._

 _She was early? That's…odd._

 _Renee sat there nervously fisting her napkin and finally glanced up at me. She didn't look overdone like she usually did. She wasn't wearing her glittering diamonds or her expensive clothes._

 _"_ _Hi Mom." I said as I took a seat._

 _"_ _Hi Baby. How are you?" She reached across for me and I stiffened._

 _"_ _Please don't call me that. And I'm good…great actually."_

 _She sighed as she pulled her hand back._

 _We sat there awkwardly for a moment when the waiter came up to ask us what we would like to drink._

 _"_ _Just water." I said and my mother eyed me suspiciously. I had no idea what Renee had been doing for the last month, because she sure hadn't contacted me until recently. I assumed she was hiding, from me, from the reality of Phil and from having to face the entire situation._

 _She ordered her standard glass of wine and we sat in silence. Finally I had enough. I didn't come to have her gloss over everything, I hoped to make amends and I wanted to know exactly what she knew about everything._

 _"_ _Mom, how could you not have known?" I finally whispered._

 _She sighed and set down her glass of wine that the waiter just brought. "I just…didn't." She shrugged._

 _I shook my head—ridiculous._

 _"_ _Do you realize…what he was into? Do you have any idea the people he was involved with?"_

 _Her eyes started to well with tears and I wanted to feel bad but I couldn't. My mother was ever the ostrich, always sticking her head in the sand._

 _"_ _I knew he had problems." She finally whispered. "I started keeping a separate bank account a few years ago because I was concerned with his gambling and I was afraid I wouldn't be left with anything. So I would tell him I went on these extravagant shopping trips. I would go to 5_ _th_ _Avenue and buy tons of clothes, only to take back 90% of it and deposit it in my account." She sighed._

 _So she did know, or she had some idea._

 _"_ _But Mom. Why didn't you say something…do something…look into it further? Did you know about Laurent, or James or any of the rest?" I could feel the disbelief and anger rising in my voice._

 _"_ _I didn't want to believe it." Her voice quivered and I realized then just how much her life had been turned upside down. It was karma. I didn't wish it upon her, but I had to admit I didn't feel bad. Still, I wasn't here to pour salt in her wounds. I was here to make amends._

 _I sighed finally and looked at her._

 _"_ _I met someone Mom. Someone who makes me very happy…and…well…I'm pregnant."_

 _"_ _What?" She said in shock._

 _"_ _I said I'm pregnant. And we're buying a new place together and I'm very happy…as happy as I've ever been Mom."_

 _"_ _But I didn't even know you were with anyone…"_

 _"_ _I know. No one did." I blew out a breath and explained to her about Edward and the investigation. When I told her that somehow it was Phil who outed me she gasped and put her head in her hands._

 _I was waiting for her to tell me it was all a big mistake and I was repeating her mistakes and that I was rushing into things. But surprisingly she didn't._

 _"_ _I'm so sorry bab—Bella…I'm so sorry."_

 _"_ _What?" I said in shock._

 _"_ _I'm sorry about Phil…about everything. You sound like you've met a great man and I'm just lost now…"_

 _"_ _Mom, I know you have to move on with your life as well, but I don't want you to go back with him. I don't want you to get caught up in him." I said, worried that she would have some inclination to stick with him._

 _She shook her head then and sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to do…I have nothing left."_

 _"_ _You could move back to Brooklyn…or…" I trailed off._

 _"_ _No. I think I'm going to leave…get away from here. From New York, New Jersey—everything."_

 _"_ _Where are you going to go?" I asked quizzically._

 _"_ _We have a place…in Arizona. I'm going to sell the estate and take whatever little cash I can and go to Arizona and start over."_

 _She was running away…again. She was turning her back on me…again._

 _"_ _Well if you want to do that…then I guess…" I shrugged resignedly._

 _"_ _Bella…I don't know how to be a mother…or a grandmother. I think you know that. And I need to move on and have my own life, apart from Phil."_

 _"_ _So you really don't want to be a part of my life…of our child's life?" I asked._

 _"_ _It's not that Bella…I just…I've never lived my life for myself…it's always been for someone else. First it was your father, then you kids, then Phil. And look where that has gotten me."_

 _As much as I hated it, it was the most logical thing my mother had ever said—and true._

 _"_ _Mom…I'm." I didn't know what to say. So I decided to simply extend the olive branch. "I can't be mad at you…at Phil or anyone anymore. I have too many other things to worry about and I just want us to make amends. If you want to move to Arizona, just know that we'll always be here."_

 _She smiled and this time I let her extend her hand to my arm._

 _"_ _You'll be so much better than me Bella. Don't ever think that you won't be. I know I wasn't there for you and I know that your father and Brad would have done anything for you. And I know you will do anything for this little one." She shrugged. "It's how you're built." And then she sighed. "But for now…I need to find out how I'm built. I need to find me again."_

 _And that was it. I was moving into a new phase in my life, having the most dramatic changes possible happening, and she wouldn't be here for it. It wasn't any different, it was strikingly the same._

 _So like I had so many other times, I simply had to resign myself to the fact that I would never understand my mother. And she was right—I would never be like her either. I took some resolution in that. As we sat through the rest of dinner and talked about anything and nothing at all, as though none of the craziness a month ago ever happened, I made a determination then and there._

 _I could forgive my mother. I could let her move on in her own direction. But I would never have that kind of relationship with our child. I would always be there for him or her and I would always put him or her first. Edward and I and our baby, would be the most important things to me. Even though I might be turning away from one part of my life, I knew by making that my focus and my purpose I wouldn't be in Renee's position someday. And another aspect of our interaction gave me a sobering revelation. Before Edward, after Alec and with all of the non-committing in between, I was no better than Renee. I didn't truly find myself and feel love until I met Edward. And now, even though we had suffered so much, we were so strong together. I loved my life, my job, my friends, my family, and most importantly I loved Edward and I already loved the little one growing inside of me._

I pulled myself from my reverie as I tapped my fingers on my desk. Two days after I met my mother, the feds finally caught up with Phil in Costa Rica. I learned through Emmett and Edward that he really was in debt up to his eyeballs. My mother had to file for bankruptcy, but she was able to keep the home and sell it and move to Arizona as she planned. She left on Monday—three days before Thanksgiving.

I wasn't sure how often I would see her from here on out. But on some level, I did understand her reasons. She had nothing here anymore. We had a thin relationship at best. Her friends weren't her true friends, just a part of the once affluent circle she ran in. I hoped that someday she could return and have a relationship with me, with our child and with Edward. But for now, I was ready to move forward with my own life.

I thought about how different my mother was from Edward's or Alec's for that matter. After speaking with Dr. Cope, I ended up writing Elizabeth a letter. I told her how very sorry I was for what happened to Alec. I couldn't tell her why he died or even that he may have died trying to save me. But I wanted her to know from someone who actually knew the inside information that Alec wasn't a bad man. He got caught up in it and died an unfortunate and untimely death.

She called me at work a few days later and thanked me as she cried on the other end. I felt bad for her but at the same time she said she was in a better place as well and had met a new man. I only hoped he was honest and upstanding—everything Thomas wasn't for her. I hoped she finally found her Edward.

As my thoughts drifted to Edward, I couldn't help but ghost my hand over my stomach and smile. Things had been remarkably better for him. Counseling was helping—for both of us. I was able to air some of my fears and worries with Dr. Cope and he was as well. We went to our first session together and then decided to go separately after that. I knew he wouldn't admit it yet, but he was finally able to let go of some of his anger and fear and resentment over everything involving Eric.

She helped me understand my mother and realize that I wouldn't be like her. She also helped me come to terms with everything regarding my grandmother, father and Brad. I knew it would still take a long time for me to wrap my mind around all of it. But she made me realize that they were coming from a place of love, and even if it wasn't right, I shouldn't hold any resentment towards them. And I didn't. More importantly, she helped me sort through my feelings about all of the changes in my life. It was finally starting to settle in—what it meant to be pregnant, becoming a mother, a true partner with Edward. All of it was daunting and exhilarating and yet I was ready for it.

But even so, I knew there was one other thing that nagged at me. Even through my sessions with Dr. Cope and my discussions with Edward, I decided I wanted to be better able to protect myself and our child if I needed to. Once I had the little one in May, I was planning to take some self-defense and martial arts classes. At first, Edward was wary of it at first. But when I told him that I simply wanted to be able to defend myself and get away to get help, he started to understand. He knew that was how I got away from Jan's men in the first place and he knew, just as much as I did, that I was right—I needed to be able to protect us when he wasn't there.

Nonetheless, after we introduced Eliot to Edward's family, he was more at peace with himself. I could tell he felt lighter. Even though he was still helping wrap up the investigation and making sure the numerous perpetrators were put away for good, I could tell he felt better. And now, Eliot was truly becoming part of the Cullen family. Last weekend Edward, Esme and Carlisle took him to the zoo. Alice and Jasper had Ben and Angela and Eliot over for dinner shortly after that. I was even able to go to a movie with Edward and Eliot. It was nice to see their family spending quality time together and building a relationship with Eliot, as well as rebuilding the ones amongst each other.

Of course, our relationship was building as well. I smiled as I thought about our new condo. A week after Edward's "welcome home" party, we decided to go look at a few places on the Upper West Side. We weren't sure what we wanted exactly, except three bedrooms, a big kitchen and something that was modern but still comfortable. I thought back to that day and couldn't help the excited feeling that overtook me…

 _We stepped into a place about eight blocks down from mine that Edward wanted me to see. So far, the homes were all way more expensive than I wanted to pay for. We finally sat down and had the money discussion. I held my ground, but when he gave me his puppy dog eyes and said he only wanted to give me everything I gave him—the world—I folded like a card._

 _Damn hormones. I'd been crying at commercials at the time too._

 _I still insisted that I would contribute a percentage and he finally agreed to that. But when we started to look at places in "Edward's price range" I almost shit myself. Literally._

 _However, the problem was a lot of the 3 bedroom and 2 plus bathroom condos we looked at were too…white…or gaudy…or modern with sharp edges for my taste. White didn't work because, as I said to Edward, I could just picture handprints all over the walls. He laughed and agreed. Then the next ones were all flowers and intricate antique designs—very not my style. Or they were modern and the decor was uncomfortable with sharp edges. Two words popped into my head when I saw that—emergency room._

 _And not just for the little one, for my clumsy ass as well._

 _So by the end of the week I was a little disappointed and Edward convinced me to just go look at one more place with him. I relented, because I always did, and I found myself staring up at a beautiful building made of glass. As we rode up to the twentieth floor I was brimming with excitement. All of a sudden I got a feeling about it. We stepped out to find a private entry and I looked at Edward who just shrugged._

 _"_ _It's the whole floor?" I quirked an eyebrow at him._

 _"_ _Just trust me Liefje." He squeezed my hand and our agent simply smiled at us._

 _"_ _Okay…" I shook my head, because I had a feeling this was at the top of his "price range" if not over it._

 _But then of course I stepped in the foyer and I was instantly blown away. It wasn't because it was extravagant, or had a giant piece of art, or because it had a massive staircase._

 _No, I liked it because it was gorgeous; yet it was also warm and inviting and it felt like…home. We walked in further to find a living room with a warm tan color on the interior walls and the outside lined in glass. The entire Hudson River was visible from the corner and it opened to a large kitchen with a breakfast bar—something Edward insisted on for some not so innocent reasons._

 _I stood there gaping and I could see the smirk forming on his face. The realtor led us down the hall to the large master bedroom and bath, which was on the opposite corner and also lined in glass. In fact all three bedrooms were on a corner to present a spectacular view in every direction of New York City. It was simply amazing, and light and so inviting._

 _"_ _Edward. How did you hear about this place?" I finally shook my head as I looked around one of the guest bedrooms which was clearly a child's room. I also liked the fact that the people before us had kids. It was meant to be beautiful and homey at the same time._

 _He shrugged. "I know the designer of the building."_

 _I furrowed my brow at his response and as we walked back out to the dining area, I just took it all in. I noticed the realtor gave us a moment alone and I felt Edward wrap his arms around me from behind._

 _"_ _So…"_

 _"_ _I love it, but it has to be too much…"_

 _"_ _Bella…"_

 _"_ _No, Edward we agreed to what I would contribute and this will definitely be out of_ my _price range." He turned me around and brought his hand to my hair and pushed it back from my face._

 _"_ _Liefje. I want to give you everything, I don't ever want you to want or need for anything. Don't you love this? I love this. And can't you see this little one running around here, having friends over and this place filled with laughter." He put his hand over my stomach as he made his case._

 _"_ _Damn lawyer…" I grumbled and I looked around again. I really did love it and I could picture just the things he said._

 _"_ _Bella…my Mom designed this place." He said quietly then._

 _My heart skipped and I could see how much he loved it and probably got us the inside track just to see it._

 _"_ _Fine. But do I even want to know what the final price was?"_

 _He chuckled. "Probably not." He said. "So…do you want to get it?"_

 _"_ _You're asking like it's a car, or a coat, not a multi-million dollar condo." I quipped._

 _He rolled his eyes. "Bella, when are you going to realize, I have more than multi-millions to my name. And half of it will be yours anyway when we get married."_

 _I sighed, conceding to his smooth-talking ways. I blamed the hormones yet again._

 _"_ _I really do love it." I whispered._

 _"_ _Then it's yours." He said in a breath and bent down to give me a kiss._

It was only a short time after that when I had my second doctor's appointment. Edward was beyond thrilled to be able to go with me. The look in his eyes when the sound of the heartbeat of our baby came over the speakers and the monitor was lit up was indescribable. He just sat there, staring, until he looked back at me with tears in his eyes and the light danced off the sparkling jade.

It was hard to believe I was sixteen weeks along now. Last week I had to finally tell my bosses at work and more of my friends and family. But that meant I was really starting to round out now. I couldn't fit the waist of most of my pants and had resorted to wearing primarily dresses until my stomach was too tight in those as well. And then I would have to buy maternity clothes…bleh.

I sighed as I looked down at my printed dress and boots that I wore today. I was going to miss my wardrobe. Me, the cop's daughter from Brooklyn was actually pretty fond of fashion now and I knew it was going to be hard to dress with the trends as I got bigger. But Alice managed to do it, so I figured I could have her sneak me some fashionable clothes too, especially now that we were back on track.

Jasper and I were finally returning to normal as well. We went to lunch together almost every day again. He would ask me about bits and pieces and form how it all transpired in his head. Jasper didn't want the full dish at once. He liked to ponder it, ruminate over how it all happened; it was his way of working through things. Honestly, I was okay with that. I was just glad that everything was finally out in the open and we could all move on together.

Just then I heard a knock at the door and I looked up and gasped.

"What are you doing here?" I said as I drew a huge grin.

He was leaning against the door frame in a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He was more dressed up that I usually saw him, with dark denim jeans. His jade eyes were dancing with mirth and I just paused to take him in.

"I'm here for an appointment." He finally said.

I opened and closed my mouth as it dawned on me.

Finally I shook my head. "You little devil… _you_ made that huge contribution?" I asked in amazement.

"Of course. Besides, I didn't want his money anyway and I figured…why not give it to something I love…" He shrugged.

His money.

Ah. Jan's money. The reading of the will had been a few weeks ago and Edward knew he would probably get a substantial amount.

But _that_ much, holy crap!

"A trust specifically for the upkeep, restoration and repairs of the Greek and Roman hall for as long as it's here." I quirked my eyebrow at him. It all made so much sense now.

"I thought this was a meeting, not an interrogation?" He said jokingly. "And I specifically requested a tour." He added.

 _What was he up to?_

"Mr. Banner never told me about a tour…and the Met closed at 5:30." I glanced at my watch and noticed it was now 5:45.

He pushed off the door frame then and strode over to me with the ease of a lion. I looked up as he bent over my chair and a rush of heat went through my body. His scent was invigorating and I could smell the cool spring and pure man of him all around me.

"I think…we could work something out…don't you." He smirked at me.

"You Mr. Cullen are quite the finagler." I shook my head at him, trying to hide how much I was exhilarated by his presence. It wasn't lost on me what happened the last time we were in this office.

"Well…Ms. Swan…maybe I can finagle you into a private tour." His eyes were burning into mine as he bent down to give me a kiss.

"Of the same kind?" I shot back and his flashed at my response.

"No…but I think you'll enjoy this as well. Come along." He stepped back taking a breath and breaking our intense encounter. Then I backed out of my desk and stood up from my chair.

I heard him moan quietly and I looked at him to see his eyes focused on my boots.

"Boots?" He licked his lips. "How come you haven't worn those before?" He asked as his eyes continued to roam me.

"Because it was too warm." I smiled at him. Apparently he liked the boots.

"You like?" I pulled my dress up just a hair and turned to show him my leg in the boots.

"Shit Liefje…we need to get out of here before I deviate from my course of action."

I quirked an eyebrow at him again and started laughing. "You've been briefing too much, now your using agent-speak."

He sighed, his eyes still locked on the boots. "I know." He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he held out his hand. "C'mon, you owe me a tour for that."

I chuckled and led him out of my office. I wasn't sure exactly what he was conniving at, but I was willing to play along.

"Well, where to do you want to start?"

"On the second floor, by the Picassos." He said quickly.

"It doesn't sound like you need a tour." I joked.

"I just want the best." He grinned at me evilly and I shook my head.

 _Oh we were all full of the banter tonight._

I led him up to the second floor where the majority of the paintings were. We moved through the American and European paintings and I held his hand and led him through. I could feel his eyes on me as I explained the different pieces. I loved it. I loved this one on one time with him in my element. And I could tell Edward loved it as well.

We made our way over to the modern art and then down the stairs. As we walked along the back of the museum, I couldn't help but notice the quiet peacefulness of it all, yet how it felt so alive at the same time. Being there with Edward almost took my breath away and getting his take on a different piece or see his eyes light up at something made it all the better.

Finally we moved through the Egyptian art and made our way toward the Greek and Roman Hall.

"Liefje. Can I lead this part?" He asked.

I looked at him, perplexed. "Sure."

He moved behind me and put his hands over my eyes then.

"Edward…?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then I want to lead you." He whispered in my ear and I simply nodded. "Can you keep your eyes closed?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I smiled.

I closed my eyes tightly and he grabbed my hand and slowly led me forward. I could feel my breath quicken as we walked and I was just trying to keep it even in anticipation.

At last we stopped and I could hear him shift in front of me. He grabbed both of my hands in his and then finally spoke.

"Bella, open your eyes." He murmured.

I slowly blinked to open them and gasped at once. The entire hall was lit up with candles. The waves of the flames danced and shone light in spectacular patterns off the glass and the marble and the beautiful works of art.

As my eyes focused I looked at Edward, I could see something in his face, in his eyes.

 _Oh my God…is he going to?_

My hand flew to my mouth and tears instantly wet my eyes as I looked at him. The depth of the emotion in his jade pools was staggering and they danced with the light from the flames around the hall. I looked then and noticed we were right in front of the Apollo statue and my hands began trembling.

"Liefje…" He squeezed the hand still in his. "I knew from the moment I saw you…right here that you were something more…that you shone a light from you and radiated warmth like my own personal sun. You drew me in from the very first moment."

He drew a breath and I stood there and stared at him through watery eyes.

"But when you asked that day if there was something more beautiful in this room, I said there was an equivalent…I lied." He said and I furrowed my brow. "There was one thing in here…much more beautiful than anything else…" He squeezed my hand and breathed out. "You."

A tear trailed down my cheek and Edward gently wiped it away. I closed my eyes just feeling his touch on my skin.

"Bella…I knew it then…and it only grew stronger. And I knew it every time you saved me…over and over again. You helped me find myself again. And I can't, and don't, want to live another day without you. I can only hope I can give you a tenth of what you have given me…every day for the rest of our lives."

He reached into his pocket then and pulled out a box, and before I knew it he was down on one knee in front of me and the tears were flowing freely from my eyes.

He flipped it open and I gasped again at the sight. But even more astounding was the look on his face. I had never seen it so filled with love and adoration.

"Bella…will you marry me?" He murmured.

"Yes." I whispered and my hand trembled as he slipped the ring onto it. It sparkled and shot out beams of reflection in the glimmering light.

At once Edward swept me up in his arms and spun me around. As he set me back down he kissed me forcefully, pouring every ounce of emotion he had into the kiss, and I just returned it with everything I had in me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and put his forehead right to mine as he gazed into my eyes. I was lost in the moment and we didn't say a word for…I wasn't even sure how long.

"I love you so much Liefje." He finally whispered and blinked his eyes.

"I love you too Edward. I can't wait to marry you."

A brilliant smile overtook his face as he kissed me again. Our tongues danced together reverently, it was passionate, but not lustful. It was strong and worshipful and encompassed every feeling in that moment and every heartache leading us there.

When we finally broke for a breath his voice was soft. "Mijn Vrouw." He murmured with a small smile. I didn't know what it meant, but I suspected a certain something, as I leaned forward to press my lips to his again.***

At last we were in need of air and we broke apart. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me toward the fountain at the end of the hall. I shook my head when I saw a picnic set out on the edge of the fountain and mounds of pillows stacked against it.

"I know this probably won't be very comfortable but…" He trailed off.

I put my hand to his face and smiled. "It's perfect. I love it."

We sat down and enjoyed a light meal with non-alcoholic wine, roasted chicken salad sandwiches, grapes and cheese. We joked and chatted and I was mesmerized by the way his jade eyes flickered with the light of the candles.

I kept glancing at the magnificent ring on my finger. It was spectacular, amazing. I was sure Edward spent a small fortune on it as well.

"Do you like it?" He asked when he caught me staring at it.

"Like it. Is that even a question?" I kidded him. He laughed then and grabbed my hand.

"I just wanted you to have the best, something that was only second in its beauty to you."

"Smooth talker." I smirked at him and gave him a kiss.

"You know it baby." He said and I laughed heartily at his standard response.

Then he pulled out a chocolate cake and my eyes widened.

"Oh you really do know how to woo a girl don't you Apollo."

He shrugged and smiled deviously as he opened the cake. It was from my favorite bakery on Broadway. "I do what I can."

He put a bite on the fork and leaned closer. "Open up."

I did as he said and as I tasted the velvet texture and the dark chocolate goodness. I moaned and closed my eyes. "It's heavenly." I finally said.

I opened my eyes and I could see him staring at my lips.

"What?"

"You." He shook his head as he took a bite and then nodded in agreement.

"What about me?" I snuggled closer to him and the cake as we traded bites.

"I just don't know how I got so lucky to find you. You're smart and sexy and sweet and caring." He smiled and I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks. "But I love how you tease me and your wicked banter."

I laughed. "You mean the snarky Brooklyn streak?" I asked.

He chuckled then as well. "Yeah…but I wouldn't change a thing."

I smiled at him and leaned in to give him a kiss. "Well I wouldn't change a thing about you either Apollo. I hope you know that."

He swallowed and I realized then that he always showered me with compliments. He was always so quick to rain praise on me, but he never allowed it for himself.

I pulled his hand into my lap and traced my fingers over the back, just as I had the first night he really talked about Eric.

"You know you're all of those things too." I whispered. "And passionate and determined. You have a silent confidence about you. It's not an arrogance it's…charisma…but yet it's more than that. I love that you are so protective of me and so strong and commanding, but that you can be so attentive like this." I gestured. "Or tease me back. I love your playfulness as well." I didn't know how else to say it and for some reason I could never be as eloquent as him.

"You really think that?" He swallowed and I placed his hand on my cheek.

"Yeah… I love everything about you. You're complex and you're simple." I shrugged. "You focus on something…and that's it."

The air around us grew heavy and I could feel my pulse rate quicken as the heat from his fingers pervaded my skin. We were nose to nose now, breath to breath. And my eyes were dancing in time with his.

"And it doesn't hurt that you're unbelievably sexy. My tattooed, Aston driving, Armani-wearing, Harley-riding agent." I smirked at him and he chuckled and finally bent down to give me a kiss. At once the slow smoldering that had been there since the first time I saw him standing in my doorway began to spread throughout my body. I could taste chocolate and Edward and all of the love I had for him—we had for each other—in the kiss.

Once we broke I was practically sitting in his lap, our dinner long forgotten and I could see the effect it was having on him as well.

"What do you say we finish our dinner and dessert at home?" I said huskily.

"I like the sound of that." His voice was equally breathless and with that he kissed me hard again and then stood up, only to help me to my feet as well. I could see his eyes traveling down my body at the boots and I just shook my head.

"The boots? Really? I never would have guessed."

"Liefje, anything you wear makes me want you…you should know that." He said lowly in my ear and I shivered. "But I must say…I do like the boots." I could feel his eyes look down again and I laughed.

We quickly made our way back to the office to grab my things. Edward said the guards agreed to clean it all up and we didn't have to worry about it.

 _I guess when you practically own the exhibit…_

I couldn't believe that either…but yet it was just so…Edward.

We walked to the employee parking lot and Edward opened the door to his car for me as I climbed in. He drove home at a hasty pace and I chuckled at his need to get there fast. I rubbed my hand up and down his thigh and I could see him shift in his seat as I gave him a wicked grin.

When we pulled into the garage with a screeching halt and he all but ran around the car to open it for me I laughed. I stepped out and before I could turn to walk to the elevator he pressed me up against the side of the car and crashed his lips to mine.

I moaned into his kiss as our tongues fought passionately, pushing back and forth and our hips ground together. I was instantly burning with desire. The throbbing in my core was aching. I fisted my hands in his hair and I could feel him respond against me. It was fire and passion and desperation—just as it had always been.

Our lips broke as we gasped for air and I had visions of simply jumping him in his car. But I knew we couldn't do it down here. Someone might come in.

 _Nonetheless…_

"Edward…" I rasped as his tongue snaked around my ear and his hands moved up and down my sides, his thumbs barely grazing the sides of my breasts.

"What Liefje?"

"Promise me sometime we can do it over the Aston." I said as I bit at the juncture of his neck.

"The Harley _and_ the Aston…fuck Bella…you have no idea how much I want to do that." He groaned as his hands flexed around my ass and his lips met my neck.

"Oh I think I have some idea." I flexed my hips into him and he growled.

"You don't know what you've started Mijn Zon."

"Why don't you show me then?" I challenged him.

Before I knew what he was doing, he picked me up bridal style and took off for the elevator.

"Edward!" I shrieked, now laughing.

He tickled at my side as he pressed the button and then set me down in the elevator car. At once I had him flush against the wall again as our tongues battled and our hands roamed for the ride up. Luckily the car didn't stop, and when we reached our floor the doors opened, only for Edward to sweep me up in his arms again.

My mouth never left him, either on his or his jaw or his neck as he fumbled for the keys. I dropped my bags hastily inside the front door, but he still didn't set me down. Instead he just kept walking to the bedroom.

At last he placed me on the bed and crawled over me, like a predator after its prey.

But then he stopped for just a second and traced his hand down my face.

"I can't wait to marry you Bella. I promise…I'm…" His voice softened a bit and I put my hand over his.

"I'm going to give you everything. Be the best husband and best father I can."

I felt tears form in my eyes as I gazed at him in the light of the bedroom.

"You're going to be the best Edward. I only hope I can do that as well."

"I know you will Liefje. But…it's not always going to be easy." He said then and furrowed his brow.

But I stopped him. I knew what he was trying to say. The momentous occasion was finally coming to him. "But we'll get through it together. I love you _forever_ Edward."

He bent down to kiss me and then pressed his head to mine. "Forever Liefje."

Our mouths locked and we devoured each other again—every taste, every smell, every breath. Edward's hands slowly but firmly caressed my sides as he pulled on the zipper of my dress. I sat up, careful to keep pressure off of my expanding stomach, as he lifted it over my head.

His eyes darkened at my black lace bra and panties and I could feel his pulse quicken under my finger tips. I traced my hands down his shoulders and back up his chest as I slowly began to unbutton his shirt. He slipped it off and in a matter of seconds he was out of his shirt, pants, shoes and boxers and hovering over me yet again.

I moaned as his lips ghosted down my neck, to my chest and my little bump in the middle. I flexed my fingers in his hair as he kissed me and warmed me everywhere. He reached around and unclasped my bra and the jade was almost boiling as I removed it. I think Edward definitely liked my now larger breasts.

At once his mouth was on me and I threw my head back into the pillow. He licked and pulled on my nipple sending a rush of wetness to my panties. He continued attending to both as his hand slowly slipped down my body and stroked me outside the fabric. I pushed my hips into him as he reached underneath and grazed my nub and my slit with his fingertips.

"Oh…Edward…Please." I just wanted him inside me. Right now. Like this.

But he had other ideas. I was writhing and moaning beneath him as he curled two fingers into me and pressed his thumb at the perfect center.

"Ugh." I gripped his hair as he worked me over and over with his fingers, his lips and his tongue never leaving my breasts as he brought me close to orgasm.

"Baby…" I rasped. "I want to feel you." I whimpered…so close to falling over the precipice.

He brought his lips up to mine and kissed me and I pulled his tongue into my mouth, showing him my desperation. He groaned and ground himself against me, but ever careful not to put too much weight on me.

Then he broke and moved down my body to take off my panties. He looked up then and gave me a devilish grin.

"The boots are staying on though."

I laughed and curled my finger at him. "Fine with me. Just get back here." I said.

In a fluid movement he was covering me again, and I gasped as his lips met the pulse point in my neck. I knew he was ready, but I reached down between us and slowly stroked him.

"Fuck Bella."

I rubbed my thumb over the tip, spreading the bit of wetness and in a movement he pulled back and ran his hands down me, then back up my boots, over my thighs and to my chest. He spread my legs and without a word pushed into me and we both let out a moan of appreciation.

"Oh…Liefje…it's always so perfect…you always feel so perfect."

I knew what he meant. It was the same for me every time with him. I pushed my hips up into him and flash of heat overtook my body. I was so close from his fingers before that I knew it wouldn't take much to get me there.

Edward groaned and I could feel him harden inside me. We began moving in time together, every thrust and meeting of our hips sent a wave of electricity through me again. Yet I wanted it to last.

"Bella…I want to feel you…come for me Liefje." I was breathing in and out but at his words I exploded around him and my body shook from my climax.

"Ah…Edward!" He covered me again and crashed his lips to mine.

"Christ…I can feel you pulsing around me." His voice was gravelly in my ear and it sent a wave of desire through me again.

He sped up his pace and I clawed at his back. We were both getting sticky with sweat but we never wanted it to end.

Then he pulled back and placed a pillow under my butt, providing a new angle to hit me with while keeping pressure off my abdomen. I saw stars dance behind my eyelids as he thrust into me.

"Fuck Liefje…so fucking good." He growled.

"Oh God. I know Edward…I know." We were panting and breathing loudly in exhalation. His hands feverishly moved over my body and mine over his, gripping, touching, just trying to feel every inch of one another. I locked eyes with him and then he brought my hands over my head and pressed into me, driving deeper this time.

"Jesus…" I groaned as he turned his hips and hit me right in _that_ spot relentlessly. The angle was maddening in its pleasure…he was keeping his weight off my stomach but hitting me deeper with every pass.

His mouth locked with mine as our hands were clasped over my head. My boot covered legs crossed behind him and he groaned as I saw him look down between us.

I could feel myself rising to meet him again and I could tell he was close. But we didn't say a word, we just kissed and met each other at every push until the sensations became too much.

"Edward, Edward, Edward…" I broke my mouth from his and chanted as he pressed his forehead to mine.

"Forever Liefje… I want this forever." He whispered and kissed below my ear. With that I screamed out his name, my release washing over me even more powerfully than the last.

"Oh God…Ugh…Bella." He thrust once more and then stiffened and spilled into me. I brought his mouth to mine and kissed him with everything that I had as the tremors ran through us collectively.

Edward put his hands in my hair and rolled over, pulling me on top of him and kissed me passionately again. His hands stroked from my hair, down my sides and up my back. We just kissed for what seemed like forever, simply enjoying being so close to one another—mouth to mouth and skin to skin.

At last we broke and I just stared into his eyes as my breathing regulated.

"I love you Edward…so much." I whispered to him as I brushed a strand of hair out of his face.

He squeezed me to him tightly and I could feel the depth of his emotions and his feelings through his heart beating in his chest.

"I love you Bella. I will always love you."

"Me too." I whispered as I kissed him and we lay there simply cherishing in our wonderful night together.

And I knew, as I always had, that he would be everything I said. He would be the best husband, best partner, best lover and best father I could ever ask for. Even though we would face hard times and setbacks, as we already had, it would never detract from the love that I had for this man. My Apollo. My Edward.

 *** &^%$#**

 ** _~Agent Cullen~_**

She said yes.

She said yes. Bella was going to be my wife.

She said yes.

It wasn't that I was worried she wouldn't or anything like that, but I had the ring for over a month and it had been burning a hole in my pocket. I couldn't wait to marry her, for us to officially become a family. We already bought our new place and were moving in after Christmas. Bella was back to work and I finally decided what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

As I stared down at her in the morning light and stroked her hair back from her face, I couldn't help but be thankful and grateful for the last month. After I bought the ring, I wanted to ask her at the Empire State Building. Then I almost did it the day we were standing in our new condo, the one that my mother told me about through the owners of the building before they showed it to anyone else. As soon as she described it to me, I knew it would be perfect. And although money wasn't at all an issue, I knew Bella wanted to contribute. She worked hard, she made her way and saved to get to where she was. I had to fight back the need to give her everything and let her do it her way on occasion.

But once I saw the condo I knew we had to have it. I could imagine it with two little dark-haired children running around. I could see her working in that kitchen…or us doing other things in that kitchen. I could picture waking up to her in the light of the master bedroom. And I could see all of us gathering for family dinners or having friends over to hang out. It was perfect and warm and so very us. Yet at the same time it was sharp and striking and breathtaking—just like my Bella.

I thought back on our night. When I finally figured out what I wanted to do for the proposal it took some time to get things in place. I knew I wanted it done before Thanksgiving. I wanted to finally be able to tell our friends and family then, especially since I had the ring for so long and I asked her father over a month ago.

I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to that day...a day that marked a turning point for both of us. She laughed when I told her all about asking Charlie the day we were in Brooklyn…

 _I knocked on the door and was instantly overcome with trepidation. I wasn't afraid of Charlie and I was pretty sure he liked me after everything that happened. But we had an unconventional start to our relationship and it was no different with him._

 _"_ _Edward. It's good to see you. Come on in. Bella's upstairs." He said as he opened the door. His mustache twitched as he took in my nervous expression and I smiled at him._

 _"_ _Thanks Charlie. How are things with you?" I asked as I followed him to the kitchen._

 _"_ _Good. You want a beer?"_

 _I nodded. Yes, alcohol might help oil the gears a bit._

 _We were quiet in the kitchen and I heard what sounded like music from upstairs._

 _"_ _So you said Bella's upstairs. What's she doing?" I finally asked._

 _"_ _She's in Brad's room." He said softly. I realized they probably had a pretty intense conversation about everything so I simply nodded._

 _I hated that I had to ask him about this today too, but I really didn't know a better time to do it and now that I had the ring it was burning a hole in my pocket—so to speak._

 _"_ _So…" I cleared my throat. "Did she tell you about everything with…the baby and moving?" I asked._

 _"_ _Yeah. She said you're going to start looking at some places next week."_

 _I nodded. "Yeah. I think we're going to need a little more space..." I trailed off and then blew out a breath. "Which is part of the reason I came with her today." I said then._

 _He eyed me curiously as we both sipped our beers. I turned my head to still hear the music upstairs and figured I better do it before she came back down._

 _"_ _I uh…well…Charlie I know that I sort of told you this already. But I wanted to ask you…officially."_

 _"_ _Ask me what?" His mustache twitched again and then I knew he was on to me._

 _Okay Cullen man up here._

 _"_ _I wanted to ask for your permission…to ask Bella to marry me."_

 _He chuckled and I relaxed a bit._

 _"_ _Well son to be honest, I thought it was going to happen sooner than this. Hell I was surprised you didn't haul a justice of the peace into the hospital with you." He said then._

 _I laughed lightly and ran my hand through my hair. "Yeah."_

 _He stopped laughing and walked over to grab another beer and then popped it open and leaned against the counter. "Of course my answer is yes. All I have ever wanted is for her to be loved and safe and happy. And the way you looked for her…well…" He looked down then and I could feel the heaviness in the air between us. "I've never seen a man like that…so if that's any indication…how could I say 'no'."_

 _I nodded as I thought about those days again. I never wanted to relive them. But if I had to I would, I would do anything to get her back. And she was here, safe and we had our whole lives ahead of us._

 _I looked up at Charlie then and decided I should let him know that I would do exactly that. I would love her, protect her and do everything in my power to make her happy._

 _And as I said those words to Charlie and thanked him as I shook his hand, he and I had an understanding. She was everything to both of us and we were the only people in the world who understood just how the other felt._

The evening of the proposal I had Jasper help me haul in all the candles and stuff for our picnic. He and one of the guards lit them all and set up the picnic for us while Bella and I did our "tour." He promised me that he would have the security guard clear it as well and just put it in his office. I thanked him and I was glad that we were off to a fresh start.

The last month had been eye-opening in a lot of ways. I realized just how much I missed my family and how much I missed _with_ my family in the last few years. I was learning all about them all over again. I missed my sister's exuberant personality. I missed my brother-in-law's quiet demeanor and his ability to just settle everything around him. I missed my mother's huge heart and equal wit and I missed my father's insight and intelligent conversation. But most of all I loved being able to spend time with Eliot and to have everything out in the open with him.

Tomorrow we were all going to my parents for Thanksgiving—my sister and Jasper, Bella and I, Angela, Ben and Eliot, Charlie and Sue and even Leah and the boys. Emmett and Rose and the Whitlocks were planning to join us as well as Seth. It was going to be a full house, but I'm sure my mother was excited about it. She loved having so much family to celebrate with again.

I looked down at Bella and thought about our future plans. After we got home and "consummated" our engagement, we lie in bedding talking for hours, about my new job, Dr. Cope and planning what we wanted to do for a wedding.

Neither of us wanted a big affair and I would have been fine going to the courthouse the next day. But since she was the only child of her family and I felt like mine should be there after everything, we decided we should do something special. When I suggested we could do it at the house in the Hamptons her eyes instantly brightened. But she actually wanted to do it after the baby was born so she wouldn't be a "whale" in the pictures. Of course I told her she was crazy, but I could understand. I didn't want to wait until summer, but then she suggested the beach and I thought it was perfect.

Bella and I getting married on the beach in the Hamptons— _that_ sounded perfect.

We decided for sometime in August, once the little one would be a few months old and she had lost her "baby weight." I was sure she would look beautiful no matter what, but I wasn't going to argue with her, because then we could actually take a proper honeymoon as well. When I wiggled my eyebrows at her she giggled but I knew she liked the sound of it too.

So we would be moving in December, welcoming our baby in May and getting married in August. I could handle that. I could _more_ than handle that.

I squeezed my arms around her and thought about the events coming up in our lives. I finally decided what I wanted to do when I finished up with the investigation. Things were winding down and a week ago Garrett approached me about my options.

Emmett and Seth decided to stay on as field agents in New York, but I was done with that. I witnessed enough killing and destruction for a life time. I didn't need to take part in any more.

Instead, I was going to put my law degree to use. I planned to take the New York Bar in February, and start as associate counsel for the New York office as soon as possible after that. He wanted me to stay on in a training capacity as well. So once every two weeks I would work with the ammunitions officers and any agents who wanted to freshen up on their skills.

I liked the idea because although I didn't want to be in the field anymore, I couldn't imagine being _entirely_ behind a desk. It was a nice balance, and it would keep me up on my own training and fitness.

Nonetheless I was ready. I was ready to move into this new phase of my life, being a father, a husband and working in a different capacity for the Bureau. I couldn't deny that I still wanted to serve, even after everything happened. And part of me had to admit that if I was in the office, I might pick up on any tips or quirks notifying me of a threat to my own family. I could stay in contact with the pulse line of the agency but stay out of the line of fire.

The fact that I wanted that type of life was even more apparent when I went with Bella to her appointment. I was amazed when the assistant turned on the monitor and the heartbeat could be heard throughout the room. I couldn't believe my eyes and I was captivated by the picture on the screen. We had two extra pictures made, one for Charlie and one for my parents. I knew my Mom would be so excited to see them and she instantly hugged me and put it in an album.

Dr. Cope also helped me realize how much I needed my family again. Bella's referral was really spot on. She didn't force me to say things, but she also didn't let me slide when I wanted to skip over a tough subject. Instead she drew it out of me, slowly and deliberately. I was always drained when I left but felt like a weight was off my shoulders again. I knew Bella felt the same way. And I was finally starting to realize that I needed to lean on her and tell her everything, but I couldn't _put_ it all on her. There was a difference. There were pent up emotions stemming from the death of my brother, my anger at my grandfather as well as years of aggravation over my missions that I had to vent. And honestly I needed to talk to someone else about that.

Bella shifted under me then and slowly blinked her eyes open.

"Morning Liefje." I kissed her temple.

"Mmmm. Good morning. What time is it?" She yawned.

"Almost eight. We should probably get up and get ready."

"Yeah…I promised your Mom I would make my potatoes."

"Mmmm. I love your potatoes." I kissed her on the lips this time and ran my hand over her side. "Especially when they come with filet and a certain apron."

She chuckled. "You know…that apron could be the reason for this little one." She pointed at her stomach and I followed it with my hand.

"Well then I like it even more." We kissed for a moment and I raised her left hand up to my lips. "I love seeing this here." And I did, more than anything. It was as though it awoke up some Neanderthal part of me and I had marked my territory or something.

"I love wearing it." She said.

After a quick shower and packing up her stuff for the potatoes we were on our way.

"I think I'm going to look for a new car next week. Do you want to come with?"

"Sure. What are you thinking of getting?" She asked.

"Well…I was thinking a Range Rover or something like it." I said and she just shook her head.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I brought her hand to mine and kissed the back of it as I rubbed my finger over the ring. She smiled and sighed as she looked out the window. It wasn't far to my parents but it was nice to be out together. I was still getting accustomed to it.

We pulled in the back and walked in, instantly met by my family and friends. The ladies shooed us out of the kitchen and as I was walking out I heard my mother's squeal behind me. She likely saw Bella's hand.

I followed my Dad, Jasper, his father as well as the rest of the men to the family room to watch ESPN. We sat and drank some beers and I just relished the first Thanksgiving I had spent with my family in over five years. But now it was even better because Bella was in the other room and was a part of my family as well.

Ben, Eliot and Angela arrived and he instantly wanted to go to the park to throw the football around. I couldn't deny him. And honestly, I think my father and Jasper enjoyed it as well. So all of us left on the relatively warm November day and walked the few blocks to Central Park. It brought back memories of doing this with Eric and for once, I didn't want do break down when I saw him. Instead I just laughed and joked and enjoyed his similar laugh, his smile and the way he giggled when he was about to get caught.

Finally we made our way back and I knew dinner would be ready soon. But Eliot tugged on my shirt as we were stepping inside.

"Uncle E…do you think…um…" He looked nervous about something—so much different than he was earlier.

"What is it buddy?" I bent down so that I was eye level with him.

"Do you have any pictures of my Dad here?"

My eyes widened and I swallowed at his request. Then I thought of something.

"You know what Eliot, we have lots of pictures, but we have something even better than that."

"What's that?" His eyes lit up and I stood up and ruffled his hair.

"His old room. Follow me." We walked in and I gestured for my Dad to follow us.

"Hey Dad…Eliot wants to see some of Eric's…his Dad's stuff." I said quietly. I could feel my mother's eyes on us as we stood there.

His face softened and he looked down at Eliot. "Really?"

"If that's okay Grandpa?" Eliot said and I could see my Dad's lip tremble as he was trying to fight off the emotion that one word brought him.

"Of course…yeah. Why don't we go to his room?" He said as he looked at me.

I nodded and I followed my Dad and Eliot up the stairs as everyone's eyes watched us leave the room. Then, just as I had only a few months ago, I pulled out the boxes in the closet and set them out on the bed. Eliot climbed up in the middle as my father and I flanked him on either side.

Soon we were showing him pictures and laughing and joking about my brother's antics. As I sat there staring at my nephew in front of me, I couldn't help but notice once again the striking resemblance. But this time, I was filled with joy because next to me sat the piece of my brother that was able to live on.

I wasn't sure how long we were up there, and I didn't care. But at some point I noticed a figure in the doorway and looked up. Standing there were both my mother and Bella and Jasper and Alice.

"It's time to eat." My mother said with emotion thick in her voice.

I smiled and gestured for Bella to come over to the bed first. My mother joined my father and explained a few pictures to Eliot and Alice and Jasper just watched in awe as our entire family sat together again.

"Do you want to see a picture of him?" I asked her as I pulled her down into my lap. She nodded and smiled at me.

I pulled out a picture of the two of us from his high school graduation.

"Oh my God!" She gasped and starting laughing.

"What?"

"You…you're so skinny and…preppy."

I couldn't do anything but laugh at her. She was right, but I still decided to tease her a bit.

"I didn't make fun of your pictures." I tickled her side and she giggled.

"True."

We spent the next fifteen minutes looking through old albums and boxes until my mother finally said dinner would be cold and we could come back later.

And as I closed the door and turned off the light, my hand in Bella's, I felt a sense of peace like never before. I felt the love of my family, my Bella and my brother all around me.

Dinner was a huge event and as we sat down to eat we laughed at Eliot and smiled at Alice grumbling over the twins. She had been extremely tired lately and when her doctor tossed out the words "bed rest" she about had a heart attack. Bella just rolled her eyes and even Charlie and Sue chuckled at her. Although everyone had seen Bella's ring already, we officially announced it at the toast and said that we were planning on an August wedding.

Then each person took turns saying what they were thankful for. For once, this year, I knew what I had to say. I was thankful for everyone here, but most of all, I was thankful for the woman beside me and the baby she carried in her. And I knew that I would now have many more Thanksgivings and Christmases like this ahead.

*&^%$#

I walked into the condo the Tuesday following Thanksgiving and noticed the lights were low and the music was playing. I stepped in to drop the few things Bella asked me to pick up at the market on the breakfast bar. Suddenly, she stepped out from the bedroom and I dropped them on the floor instead.

My mouth went dry as I took her in and she smirked at me as she stalked over.

"So…you said you liked boots and all…"

I licked my lips. She was standing before me in an oversized sweater and boots. But these boots went all the way up and over her knees. Her creamy white thighs were exposed and the sweater barely covered her ass.

"Jesus." I rasped.

"You like?" She spun for me and I felt my whole body respond and blood rush to the hardening appendage in my pants. I clasped and unclasped my fist at my side, just wanting to get my hands on her.

She stalked closer to me and I could see the scheming glint in her eye. She put her hands on my leather jacket and ran her fingers down the front of my chest.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you in leather?" She said huskily.

"No…I don't think you have."

"Hmmm…that's a shame." She ran her hands under my jacket and pulled me against her. "Can you imagine…you in your leather, me in my boots on the back of your Harley?" She said as she nipped at my neck.

"Fuck Liefje." I felt her hands grasp my ass as she rubbed herself against me.

"You like that idea?" She rasped.

"Oh…I like that idea a lot…and I think you're going to have to bring these boots with you next summer." I tapped her leg and traced my fingers along her silky skin. I could feel her respond to my touch and I ran my other hand over her shoulder and down her chest, barely grazing her breast.

"You know what though…I think we could practice over something else for now." I suggested. Her eyes flashed in temptation and I lightly pulled her lip into my mouth.

Then without warning I pulled her into my arms and set her on the dining room table. My mouth crashed to hers and we were instantly lips and hands and dinner forgotten yet again. In a matter of moments I was sheathed inside her—boots around my head and my leather jacket still in place as we sprinted toward our release in a frantic manner.

I groaned as I fell across her, utterly sated from her little surprise.

"What am I going to do with you?" I whispered as I kissed the side of her neck and she giggled. "I can't believe you remembered the boots. Shit Bella."

"I just thought you might enjoy it."

"Oh I definitely enjoyed it." I let out a heaving breath and stood up to pull her to my chest. She was quiet then and I stroked her hair as we tried to come back down again.

"Will it always be like this?" She asked. I knew what she meant, the fire, the passion, the burning desire she evoked in me. I could never imagine it going away, if anything it grew stronger with each passing day.

"It's going to be better Liefje." I said as I lifted her head up and kissed her again. She shivered, as she was once again in nothing but her boots, little vixen that she was.

"C'mon, you're going to catch a cold. I'll start dinner." I pressed my lips to hers and she nodded as I helped her off the table.

"I think we've officially christened every surface of my apartment now." She said with a smile.

I laughed and had to agree with her. We certainly had.

"But you realize in just over a month we'll have a whole new place to christen." I smirked at her.

"I know…and I'm looking forward to it." She said with an evil grin. I just shook my head at her and lightly slapped her ass as she sashayed to the bedroom.

 _Damn sexy woman._

 _I couldn't get over just how lucky I had it_.

I began to prepare the chicken she asked me to pick up when she strode back in. She was really rounding out now and I loved the little bump that she had in her middle. She was more and more beautiful every day that she got bigger. I had to keep telling her over and over that I loved how she looked and I would only love it more the bigger she would get.

The chicken was in the oven to cook and we chatted about our days and stole quick kisses and touches in the kitchen. Finally, I sat back down at the breakfast bar and just watched her work up the rest of the meal.

Suddenly my cell phone rang and I looked down at the number. I didn't participate in the search, but I knew what it was as soon as I saw the numbers on the caller ID.

I lifted up my phone to my ear and Bella watched me in trepidation as she set out a salad for dinner.

I heard Garrett's words over the line and then I simply closed the phone and looked up at her. She walked around the bar and placed her hands on my legs.

"They found him." She stated, knowing already.

I nodded, unsure how to feel at the moment. I knew I had a difficult phone call to make, but a part of me was relieved—relieved that we would all finally be able to put my brother to rest and for him to be at peace.

"Are you going to call your parents?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around me and we just held each other.

"Yeah." I said in a hushed tone.

After a few minutes, I stepped out of the room and called my father to tell him what I just found out. We planned a small memorial at Eric's grave for Friday and he said he would contact me when he knew more. I knew they would have to cremate his remains.

As I stepped back in the kitchen, Bella gave me a sad smile and I just wrapped my arms around her and put my hands over her belly as she stood next to the counter.

"I'm okay Liefje." I whispered and kissed her cheek. She nodded and I told her of our plans as we quietly ate dinner.

*&^%$#

The following Friday I dressed in my black suit, black shirt and sunglasses. Bella was dressed in a black wrap dress and we silently left her condo to meet my parents and Alice and Jasper. We debated over bringing Eliot, but we weren't sure he would fully understand. Instead I suggested we bring him back another time so he would know where his father was at.

The car was silent as we rode in the limo that was sent to pick us up. Bella just tucked into my side and traced small circles over my hand. His grave site was out in the Hamptons and my parents insisted that we all ride out together. I didn't mind. It was actually calming to finally participate in this completely with my family rather than not being there, mentally at least, like last time.

We all climbed out of the limo and walked to headstone which was now freshly dug with dirt and an urn to be encased in front of it. I gripped Bella's hand and she looked up at me, her eyes also covered by her large sunglasses. I could see Alice struggling a bit and I wondered if her doctor wasn't right and she shouldn't take it easier. But it wasn't the time to raise that issue.

The minister said a few things to signify the actual ceremony. I heard lines from long ago and ones that I remembered…"ashes to ashes…dust to dust."

But as I stood there, for once, I simply allowed my mind to be filled with memories. I thought of us laughing on the beach, playing volleyball in the sand or sitting by the pool and taking in the summer sun. I thought of his smile, his wit, and his laugh. I wished he could see his own wonderful son now and I wished he could meet the child that Bella and I were going to have.

Yet I knew he wouldn't…and I was finally okay with that. I didn't accept it. I just knew I could finally move on, remember him, and live my life without regret, without hatred, or vengeance or extreme sadness.

I squeezed Bella's hand and pulled her into my side. Alice and Jasper took a moment before going back to the car. Then my parents stepped up and I knew I was next. My mother squeezed my arm as they turned to leave and my Dad put his hand on my back. But this time, instead of turning cold and unwanting of their gestures, I turned around and gave them each a hug and told them I would see them in ha bit.

I walked forward and looked at the headstone and took in his name, the dates, and the intricacies of the engravings. I noticed that they changed the date to the correct one…September 10, 2001.

I pulled the round medallion from my pocket and this time placed it at his headstone. The lion glistened in the light and I knew on the other side were my initials…my luck to carry with him.

I stood back and looked at it all one more time before I whispered to him.

"Rest in peace Mijn Broer. Totdat we elkaar weer ontmoeten." ***

With that I stepped back further and grabbed Bella's hand and turned for the car. I had felt her presence the whole time, supporting me, helping me through every step as she always did.

As we walked back to the car, hand in hand, I felt a sense of resolve unlike any I had felt in over thirteen years. I was closing a chapter of my life filled with heartache and pain and I was opening one that I knew would be filled with joy and happiness.

I only had one more thing to do. One final thing before I could put it all behind me. I made a silent promise to my brother to myself as I stood at that memorial. I was going to promise him that no one would hurt any part of our family again, and that included my future wife and our child, the niece or nephew that he would never meet. There was one final thing that needed to be said.

*&^%$#

The doors screeched open with a sickening sound and I locked my glare on the smarmy man before me. His hair was still black, with glints of silver streaked through its oily mass.

I sat down across the glass and folded my hands. I just stared at him…letting him see me for the first time in person…letting it all sink in.

"Who are you?" He finally asked, pretending like he didn't know. His voice was low and airy as if he smoked two packs a day trying to quicken his death. Which he should…because if he ever got out, he would be the only person whom I would coat my armor for again.

I slipped him a new pack through the hole with a smirk and he grunted then and snatched them up.

"I think you know exactly who I am." I said as I leaned forward, clasping my hands in front of me.

He flicked his cigarette as his ashen skin gave a sickening glint in the yellow light.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing. I'm only here as a warning." I said then.

"A warning." He blew out a puff and sat back in his chair. "A warning for what…I'm in here…warn away." He gestured about but I kept my cool and simply stared ahead.

"Fine. Understand this, and only this. You _will_ stay away from her…you will stay away from our child and you will never send anyone after us. Do you understand?" I remarked coolly to him.

"Now why would I do that?" He mocked me and pushed his cigarette into the tray. The smoke rose up, swirling and snaking around his orange jumpsuit and I stared at him with disdain.

"Because if you ever come near us, near her…you will wish you hadn't even thought of her, hadn't even blinked about her because I will end you." I stared him down and let the words settle in.

"And I won't make it quick." I added. "I'm sure by now you know what I can do and I will promise you that I will take _every_ trick, _every_ bit I've picked up in the field and use it on _you_. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." He said snappily.

"Good." I jumped back and crossed my arms in front of me.

"You know I'm never getting out don't you. You know I can't get to you anyhow." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Don't patronize me." I knew exactly who he was and what kind of connections he had. And if he wanted to send someone after us, I knew he could. And for that reason, I would always have one eye open until the day he died.

"I'm not… _Edward_." He said then.

"Then you'll do well to heed my warning. Because my warning isn't even a glimpse…a thousandth of the wrath I would turn on you and any of your men." I stated lowly as I leaned toward the glass again.

"Fine. I hear you." He grumbled and lit up another smoke from the pack I just handed him.

"Then that's all I have to say." I stood up and pushed the chair out away from me.

I turned for the door and then stopped as I turned back again. "Oh…except one final thing." I let my eyes meet his as I stared him down one last time. "Enjoy your smokes…you just took yourself one step closer to hell."

 _Let him wonder about that._

And with that I slammed the door behind me as he stared down at the pack of cigarettes in his hand.

I had my last word with Aro Volturi. If he was smart, he would never come after Bella or our child or me again. He would let the dogs lie. I wasn't stupid, I knew we still had risks out there and I knew I was taking a chance talking to him. But that's why I had also prepared a little box, a little something that was now tucked away at my parents' house for Emmett or Seth to find should something ever happen to me.

I might have been FBI, but I was still an assassin and I had made some contacts who could disappear as quickly in the night as I could. And for once, I was glad I had those contacts, because I would do anything, at any cost to protect my family. This was my contribution, my final redemption—for my brother, for my parents, for my sister, and for all of those who gave so much to keep her safe before me. And so I would honor their memories and all they had done by letting him know that should he ever come after us, he was as good as dead.

As the plane left Kansas and put Leavenworth behind me, I felt lighter and lighter with the ascent. I knew I would never tell Bella of this little trip. This was the final thing I needed to do; the final door I needed to close so that I could go on and live my life and then eventually live it in peace once he was gone.

*&^%$#

At half past five, I strode into the doctor's office for my weekly therapy session. I was invigorated and I finally felt some relief once my plane landed in New York. I was only gone for the day, but I finally felt like a lifetime had ended and my new life was about to begin.

"Good evening Dr. Cope." I smiled as I sat in her chair. I knew I still had a long road ahead of me. But I was finally ready to put the past behind me and move ahead.

"Good evening Edward. You look well." She smiled.

I nodded in response and clapped my hands together. "Well Doc, where should we start?"

She thought for a moment as she glanced up from writing something on her notepad. She pondered something as she slowly flicked her pen back and forth.

"Why don't we talk about your brother?" She said smoothly.

I looked at her and for once my heart didn't fill with sadness and my mind didn't fog over. I wasn't angry or frustrated or filled with terror. I was…calm…ready.

I knew how much I had gained. He wasn't perfect, but he did everything he could to make up for his mistakes.

And now, I was going to do the same, because I had my whole life ahead of me with Bella, and our baby and my family once again. I had a second chance, and to a large extent I owed that to him.

Without another thought, I said the words that only seemed fitting as I moved forward. Words that six months ago, I couldn't have uttered, but now seemed perfect.

"I think that's a great idea." I smiled.

As I spoke of my brother and regaled our times as children and young adults I finally realized, destruction is sometimes a good thing. Sometimes we have to break down our walls so that we can let others in, and sometimes we have to let out our secrets so that we can live again.

 _ **~The End~**_


	29. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 _ **Thank you for Loving Me by Bon Jovi**_

 _ **Extreme Ways by Moby**_

 _ **~Fourth of July- Three and a Half Years Later~**_

 _ **~Agent Cullen~**_

"Daddy, you can't catch me!"

"Yes I can, yes I can." I laughed as I chased him dramatically.

Eric took off down the beach, his golden blonde and bronze tinted hair flashing in the sunlight.

He shrieked and giggled as his espresso brown eyes shined in amusement.

"Gotcha." I scooped him up and he squealed in delight as I spun him around.

"Daddy!" He was breathless from his excitement and I held him up high as he kicked and squirmed and laughed until his three year old body finally gave in. I propped him on my hip and brushed my nose through his hair as he clutched on to me. He smelled like little boy and sea salt and vanilla like his Momma.

"You think Momma brought Popsicles?" He looked at me with his big brown eyes, the same eyes of his mother, and I would have bought him a truckload of Popsicles if I had to. But his words brought me back to another place and another memory that seemed so far away and yet so close at the same time.

"I bet she did Zoonie." I smiled.***

"Yeah!" He squirmed again and I kissed him on the head as he jumped down to the sand and took off for the house. My eyes followed him as he ran up to the patio and stopped.

Standing outside the door to the patio was Bella. _Mijn Lief, Mijn Leven, Mijn Vrouw._

My breath caught as her chestnut waves danced in the sunlight and her sundress shifted around her rounded middle. She bent down to hand Eric his Popsicle and ruffled his hair with a bright smile. She couldn't bend very far though as she was seven months pregnant with our daughter. She was more beautiful every day and she would never know just how much she saved me. She called me her savior, her Apollo, but she was everything to me and I was nothing without her.

She put her hand over her eyes then to look back down the beach to me and gave me a small wave and a breathtaking smile. I couldn't stop the one that spread across my face in return.

I started to make my way back to the house, picking up the shovels and pails from our morning fun in the sand when two little blond haired angels came screeching down the beach at me.

"Uncle Edward!" Sophie and Sydney, my three year old twin nieces, each grabbed a leg and clutched on. "Eliot won't leave us alone." Sophie whined. I had to laugh under my breath. It was so much like when we were kids, Eric used to tease Alice relentlessly and I was her refuge.

Eliot came barreling down the beach then with his mischievous blue eyes and I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so much like _Mijn Broer_. He was twelve now and carrying a sand crab with a devious glint in his eyes. I recognized that look all too well. It was one I had seen many times growing up.

"Oh, you two stink. You always go to Uncle E." He complained, but I could see his mind turning at just how he was going to get them back.

"You just wait Eliot. One day they'll be grown up and they'll gang up on you. There's two of them remember." I ribbed him.

He shrugged and dropped the sand crab and the girls loosened their Alice-like death grip on my legs.

"You know I think Aunt Bella has Popsicles at the house." I told them.

Their eyes both went wide and they clapped in tandem as they scampered up to the house as well. I had to laugh because they were so much like Alice it was almost unbelievable.

The twins were only five months older than Eric. They were born on Christmas, but not because they were supposed to be. After Alice found out she was pregnant with twins her tiny body was only able to take so much. She was on bed rest for a month before the twins were born, and even then they were over a month early.

I thought Jasper was going to pull his hair out, because even though she was very pregnant, my sister has more energy than a hive of bees on a sunny day. She was restless and whiny and definitely not happy to be laid up for a month. But then when she had all sorts of complications and the girls came early everything shifted. She didn't care how long she was out or what happened as long as they were okay. I remember being at the hospital with Jasper and Bella when they rushed her in. She lost a lot of blood and the twins were only three pounds each and had to be put in NICU for two months. The doctor's suggested that they not have any more kids after that and I think Alice and Jasper were so happy that the girls made it that they didn't give it another thought.

It was only a few days after the twins were born that we decided to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. I still remember the trip to the doctor's office like it was yesterday…

" _Liefje are you ready?" I called through the condo._

" _In here." Bella was holding a large box and trying to stack it on the others in the corners._

" _Liefje!" I scolded her as she hoisted it up._

 _She turned to look at me and gave me her "bitch brow" as she had called it. But I stood firm this time._

 _I put my hands on my hips and matched her expression._

" _I'm pregnant, not incapacitated Edward." She raised her eyebrow a little further._

 _Now I had to do everything I could not to smirk at her. She was so damn sexy when she was mad. I didn't see it very often but it made my blood boil just like everything else about the woman._

" _You could strain something, or hurt your shoulder." I tried._

 _She harrumphed and rolled her eyes and marched past me._

" _Well Mister we will never get everything ready to move if I don't get things packed up."_

 _I turned to where she was now loading items from the bathroom into another box._

" _Liefje if you want to pack that's fine, but call for me if you need to carry the boxes or stack them."_

 _She sighed. "Fine." She grumbled and I chuckled and bent down to kiss her shoulder and rub her belly as I strode back out to the living room._

 _Boxes lined the floor filled with books and artwork and kitchen supplies. We were moving into our new apartment in two days and the moving company would come to collect everything, but Bella insisted she box up her possessions. I thought she was crazy when they could do it all for us, but there really is no arguing with a pregnant woman—especially a stubborn Irish cop's daughter from Brooklyn._

 _I quickly looked at my watch and noticed we were going to be late for our doctor's appointment if we didn't get going. I called to Bella once again and she hurried out into the living room and I shuffled her into her coat. She was really rounding out now and I was amazed at how she looked._

 _I grabbed her hand and we walked downstairs to the black tinted Range Rover. I insisted once I moved in with her that we could have a car, even though she never had one before. I didn't like the idea of trying to call an ambulance or hail a cab if something were to go wrong. In the back of my mind, I was always concerned with the potential of someone coming after us as well, and I wanted the option of a getaway car. It was bulletproof and had an enhanced engine, but I didn't tell her that of course. I didn't need her worrying especially now with the baby on the way. But having been one of the FBI's greatest assets for quite a while I did have some connections._

 _I opened her door for her and walked around to the driver's side and started it up and pulled out._

 _It was strangely quiet in the car and I glanced over to see that Bella was worrying her lower lip. I knew she was contemplating something so I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed her._

" _Are you worried about something Liefje?" I asked as I made my way toward the doctor's office._

" _Well…" She got quiet again and looked down at her hands._

" _Well…what?" I said trying to prod her. She usually just told me what she was thinking so I was starting to get concerned._

" _What is it Liefje?"_

" _We um…well, we're finding out the sex today so…I don't know…I guess I was just thinking about names and…" She trailed off once again._

" _And?" I prodded her with a smile. Names. I could handle that. We had discussed it before but nothing really stuck yet. We both wanted to find out what we were having anyway and decided to just wait._

 _She blew out a breath and looked out her window and I saw her set her jaw. It was her sign of resolve so I just waited patiently. Finally she turned to look at me._

" _You know, since Alice and Jasper won't be having any more kids…and they had only girls…I guess I was wondering what you would think about using your brother's name…if it's a boy that is." She it said so quickly I almost didn't catch it._

 _I thought for a moment about her suggestion. I was in such a different place now that I wasn't instantly stricken by talking about him and after finding out everything when the mission ended. In fact it was refreshing. It had been difficult when Alice and Jasper discussed it with me, but now it seemed…different, in light of everything that had happened._

 _I mulled over it for a bit and thought about what that meant. If we had a son, he would be Eric Cullen. The more I rolled it over in my head, I liked it. But I must have been thinking for a while._

" _Forget it, I shouldn't have suggested it." She mumbled._

 _I grabbed her hand and pulled it to my lips again. I didn't want her to think she hurt me, in fact it was quite the opposite and I was growing to like it more by the second._

" _No Liefje I think that's a great idea." I smiled at her and my voice caught a bit at the end._

" _Really?" She whispered._

" _Really, really." I smirked and she smiled this time. But then I had another thought._

" _But if we use Eric, what about Brad or Bradley?"_

 _Her brow furrowed and I could tell that she must not have thought of it much. But the expression that crossed her face went from one of realization to complete happiness and I knew it was perfect._

" _Eric Bradley if it's a boy then?" She whispered._

" _Yeah." I kissed her hand once more and she sighed contentedly and looked out the window._

 _Somehow, I knew in my heart we didn't even need to find out. It was like I already knew after we made the decision on the name._

Only an hour later we found out we were having a boy and the look on Bella's face was filled with joy and a hint of sadness. I'm sure mine looked much the same. But it really was a tribute to both of our brothers and looking back I wouldn't have changed anything.

When we found out we were going to have another baby we were ecstatic, considering we actually tried the second time around. The first had obviously been completely and totally unplanned. Some would consider it bad timing, but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Realizing I was not only going to be with her and not be undercover anymore, but also become a father, it forced me to reevaluate my life. I looked at how I dealt with everything prior to meeting Bella and I knew how right she was. I pushed everything inside.

It only made sense that I started attending the counseling sessions once the dust cleared from the investigation. I had so many years of anger, hurt, frustration and grief to work through that I never realized just how much I needed it until I got there. And Mrs. Cope was a master at getting me to put a name on the feelings and also bring out the memories that I had pushed away for so long.

After a few months, I started to only go once every two weeks and Bella attended with me every now and then. I was always amazed by her insight and ability to read me. She knew me better than I knew myself much of the time. Even though we had a fast start to our relationship and were being thrust into parenthood, I had to agree with her assumption that we were closer than most couples who dated for years. In our short time together we were forced to focus on one another without any outside distractions. We were forced to face life and death issues, be brutally honest with one another and discuss difficult topics long before most couples did. Because of that we were stronger.

Nonetheless, we both had concerns about the fast track we were on with becoming parents, buying a new apartment together and getting married. In addition, we both still held a fear in the back of our minds that someday _someone_ could come after us. We acknowledged it more openly in our sessions, especially me, than we did to each other. But if anything, it too drove us closer together because we both knew how easily the person you loved could be lost.

The only thing that unnerved me was that Bella insisted on taking martial arts classes to defend her. It wasn't that I didn't want her to be able to, it was the thought that she felt like she _had_ to. Even so, shortly after Eric was born, and she was hell bent on getting back in shape, she started taking classes with an old army instructor at a studio on the Upper West Side. I had to admit, she was a quick learner and pretty good. She continued going once per week even after she lost all the baby weight with the addition of running and training. And I also had to admit my wife looked pretty bad ass afterwards. Still, I didn't like the fact that she felt like she needed to learn it, but I wasn't going to fight her on it. It made her feel safer and I really couldn't argue with her reasoning on that.

By the time of our wedding she looked fantastic, although I always thought she was gorgeous. I couldn't explain it, but when she was pregnant she was even more beautiful to me. Something about the fact that she was carrying _my_ child and the glow she emitted drew me to her even more than normal. And I didn't think that was possible.

Even so, she was otherworldly on our wedding day. I remembered thinking then how I thought that about her the first day I met her, and she was truly more and more beautiful to me everyday—both inside and out. She was my rock, my savior, my confidant, my lover, my best friend. She was everything to me, her and Eric.

We ended up getting married on August 13 in a small ceremony on the beach. Bella looked radiant in a white dress that was long, but not extravagant, yet it had a plunging neck and back showing off her stunning chest and back. I couldn't wait to get to the honeymoon as soon as I saw her. About twenty-five people attended including all of our family and friends. Seth, Kate and Garrett were there and even Tanya and Mila flew in from London.

I turned to look at the exact spot where the arch and chairs sat. I could still picture her at sunset, the orange and crimson tones glistening off of the ocean and her luminescent skin. It was the best day of my life, outside of Eric being born. When we left for our honeymoon the next day we had a teary good-bye at the airport. My parents insisted on watching Eric for the first half of our trip and then Charlie and Sue actually insisted for the last four days as well. I knew it would be hard for both of us to be away from him for eight days. We would have liked to have gone for longer, but we couldn't bear the thought of being away from him for that long, let alone a full two weeks.

Our honeymoon to the Greek Isles was perfect—relaxing, warm and hot in other ways. Our passion for one another never diminished, and as I told her long ago, I truly wanted her more each day. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. It was the perfect getaway and perfect time for us to reconnect and focus on one another for the first time since everything had happened. I truly felt like it was our beginning. When we got back Bella returned to work and we settled into our life in Manhattan. The last few years were nothing short of extraordinary in their simplicity.

I pulled myself out of my reverie and finished picking up the sand toys and headed for the house. Bella was standing on the patio laughing with Alice and my mother. There were kids everywhere and the house was filled with laughter and friends and family.

I stepped over and gave her a lingering kiss and she smiled up at me and blushed a bit. Alice rolled her eyes at us and I teased her that I had to deal with that shit for so long with her and Jasper that she could take it. She shrugged, and I knew she was happy for us and was simply giving me crap.

I smiled as I looked around at my family. To think I almost lost them nearly killed me. But I didn't, and they were nothing short of extremely supportive through everything.

Everyone got together for the holidays now, like our first Thanksgiving over three years ago, and the circle just kept expanding.

Rosalie and Emmett ended up getting married in Hawaii over Christmas a few months after us. They eloped and then her parents threw them a party back here when they returned. The Whitlocks weren't upset. For as commanding as Rose could be, she really didn't like the center of attention and neither did Emmett. And although he wouldn't say it, I knew part of the reason they eloped was because he didn't have any family to speak of. So it was a great solution.

They started trying for their first child right away but to no avail. It took them almost two years to get pregnant. But then last Labor Day they informed us that they were expecting and little Ethan John McCarty was born on St. Patrick's Day, fittingly for the Irishman from Boston. Emmett had a red sox hat on him as soon as he was born.

 _Of course he stole the idea from me because I had a Yankees one on Eric's head when he was only hours old._

But I was honestly happy for him and glad that they finally had one of their own. I knew how much heartache Emmett had been through. A few months before Rose was due he decided to get out of field work as well. He took a position with the NYPD as an interrogator and hostage negotiator. He was good at it, smooth, and other than a crisis, he was home on a more regular basis and out of the line of fire as well.

I strode up to Charlie and Sue and shook Charlie's hand now that they had arrived. Charlie and Sue ended up getting married in Atlantic City not long after us either. I wasn't surprised and Bella was more than happy about it. Her mother still lived in Arizona and she spoke to her on occasion. But I knew she was growing closer to Sue every day. She was like the mother she never had, and was her surrogate mother in many ways anyhow.

Leah finished her degree and with a reference from my father began working for Reycon in their marketing department. She started out just above entry-level, but she had a quick wit and determination and had already received two promotions from her work. She and Bella were closer than ever as well and the boys were close in age to Eliot. The three of them were often getting into trouble together because they attended the same school in Brooklyn. Even though Eliot was a bit older than them, they were inseparable whenever we had family events.

Jacob was still in jail but set to get out in six months. I had spoken with Leah about it and she said she didn't want to see him. She would allow him to visit the boys at the scheduled times, but they divorced shortly after he was sent away and she had moved on with her life as well. Like a lot of us. In fact she was dating a new man and she was planning to bring him to the party tonight for everyone to meet.

I looked up to see Seth and Senna walk in and smiled. I kissed Senna on the cheek and she turned bright red. Seth just gave me a man-hug and clapped me on the back. After the Draconi ring was broken up, Kristina returned to her home country, but Senna decided she wanted to stay in New York as she didn't have much family left. At first they just had a platonic relationship, and it I could imagine it was difficult for Seth after seeing everything we had. But he helped her get set up in an apartment, get a job waitressing and get enrolled in an English emersion program and earn her GED, even though he was on assignment in for most of the year.

Two years later she enrolled in a community college and Seth was on break between missions. Something sparked between them and they have been seeing each other ever since. What started out as a true friendship, and him simply wanting to help her get on her feet, blossomed into something more and I was happy for him. She was still young at 23 but then again so was he at 29. I was sure they would make it official soon too. But he said she wanted to finish school and then do some traveling. I was just happy for both of them. He seemed to have found a bit of his peace after our mission ended as well.

When Tanya and Mila returned to London after their trip to the States for our wedding, they found out some good news of their own. They adopted a little girl from Russia and their papers finally went through the day they got back. They immediately flew to Moscow to pick up baby Gavrilla. Gavi was only five months old when they got her, but she ironically looked like she could be either of their child with bright red hair and blue eyes. They named her after Tanya's sister who was kidnapped into the disgusting hands of an organization similar to the Draconi's. But it was a fitting remembrance.

Tanya and I still kept in touch via email and she was also enjoying a quieter life in London. Her rehab was rather extensive and it took her several months to walk on her own again. But I knew she was happier where she was at as well.

Kate and Garrett married two years ago. They tried to have kids but then found out that it was unlikely Kate could conceive again. Her miscarriage when she was with Laurent proved to have lasting effects on her body, and when Bella found out I thought she was going to march up to the New York Penitentiary herself and rip him to shreds. I had never seen her so angry and hurt. But it only proved how deeply she loved and the passion she had. Kate told her it was okay and they were looking into adopting as well. But Bella still swore up and down that if she ever saw Laurent again he was as good as dead. And I believed her. When Mijn Vrouw set her mind to something that was the end of it.

After Eric was born she went back to work at the Met. I told her we had more than enough money that she could stay home but she raised one eyebrow at me and I quickly left the kitchen. She loved her job and I would never tell her not to work. Which was why I was surprised when she told me she was only going to go back part time after our daughter was born. I had slowly learned in our three years of marriage that she had to come to a conclusion herself. I couldn't force things on her…regardless of how great of an idea I might think it was.

I was learning.

 _What do they say about women being the smarter creatures?_

 _I think they're right about that._

It took me some time to get back in the swing of things as well. Once I took the New York Bar in February and was admitted the following April, I began my new job at the Bureau. It was weird at first using my law degree and being behind a desk. At first I found it strange, and then after a while I grew into a routine. I enjoyed the legal side of things, going to the gym over lunch like a normal person and coming home at six. But part of me still itched to do field work every now and then. I didn't think I would miss it, but part of me liked the adrenaline rush, the intensity of a takedown and fulfillment of a mission.

Training had been a great outlet for that. Being able to keep up on my martial arts kept me in shape and weaponry training cured the adrenaline rush I needed every so often.

And I had to admit I liked the side effects. Bella made it very apparent that she liked it when I wore a suit every day. But yet she also liked the leather jacket and black t-shirt and jeans bit.

I chuckled to myself as I thought about our first anniversary. We'd taken care of her requested "Harley" moment that night. I couldn't do anything but shake my head when I thought about my sexy wife. She was always surprising me and I wouldn't change a thing.

I was pulled from my thoughts and memories by my mother calling to me across the patio.

"Edward! Darling can you come here for a minute?" I heard my Mom call me across the patio until I felt a pair of hands tugging on my shorts.

"Daddy will you swim in the pool with me? Soph and Syd don't wanna?" Eric pouted adorably at me and I picked him up as we walked over to his grandmother.

"Of course Zoonie, we just need to talk to Grandma for a sec."

"Yeah!" His eyes lit up and I laughed. He was an easy child for the most part, laid back and kind like his mother. But he had a bit of a stubborn streak which we both blamed on the other.

"Yeah Mom what is it?"

"Did you know I'm going to have another grandchild?" She said excitedly. I looked around at the people in attendance and I was perplexed.

"Um…Mom, I'm positive there's only one in Bella's stomach, I've seen the pictures."

"Oh you silly boy, I'm talking about Angela. She and Ben are going to have another baby."

I looked at Angela who was smiling sheepishly then and smiled. My mother really did consider her like her own daughter. After she found out how Angela's parents disowned her, she and Eliot and Ben truly became a part of the family.

"Well congratulations, that's great to hear." I shook Ben's hand and he shifted their little two year old girl Ailey to his hip and put his arm around Angela.

Eric squirmed in my arms then and I laughed as I turned to them. "Apparently I have to go swimming with this one. Do you want to join us?" I asked.

"Maybe in a bit." Ben smiled as Ailey's face lit up.

I walked with Eric inside to change him into his trunks and he jabbered on and on about playing on the beach all morning. I just laughed at him and reveled in his innocence. I wished I could freeze time and make it so that he wouldn't grow so fast.

"You know what Daddy? Momma said I could have another Popsicle later if I went potty on the big potty."

"Did she now? Well I guess you better go try to do that if you want a Popsicle then." I prodded him.

He nodded assuredly as we climbed the stairs and I set him down. He ran off for the bathroom and I just shook my head.

Potty-training. I swear if I would have known how difficult something like potty-training would be I would almost rather take an interrogation over that.

I quickly slipped on my other set of trunks as the ones I had on before were full of sand. I grabbed Eric's shorts out of his little overnight bag that Bella packed and turned to follow him to the bathroom. But I stopped abruptly when I caught her standing in the doorway staring.

"Shit… you scared me." I gasped.

She laughed at me and gave me a small smirk. "Jumpy Agent Cullen?"

I could see her eyes traveling over my chest and I could feel that familiar burn from her look and the sound of her voice.

"Although you should know better than to change with the door open. Anyone could have walked by and seen you." She said lowly.

"Maybe I did it on purpose?" I quipped at her.

She threw her head back and laughed. "Save that for later, there are children around."

"Well how do you think they got here?" I said mischievously again. And in a second I strode across the room and pulled her up in my arms.

"Hey!" She squeaked and I brought my lips to hers and she hummed into the kiss.

"I'm so glad my mother always insists that Eric stay in his own room." I said lowly as I set her back down but continued to kiss her.

"Mmmm. I know. It's like a vacation." She laughed.

"I know." I sighed contentedly.

"Daddy!" Eric yelped from the bathroom.

"I'll get him." Bella said then and I just followed her to the bathroom.

I stood in the doorway as I watched Bella help him clean up and get his fresh pair of swim trunks on. She was so wonderful with him, the best mother and wife I could ever ask for. I was still amazed that I found her, every second of every day.

As I watched her tickle Eric and listen to his giggle ring out through the bathroom, I couldn't help but think of the day he was born. I couldn't believe it was over three years ago already…

" _Edward!"_

" _Hmmm." Something was rustling me in my sleep._

" _Edward!"_

 _Suddenly I shot up, it was Liefje and she was shaking me. I instantly went into agent mode and began taking in my surroundings. Was there someone here? Did someone break in?_

 _I reached for the drawer in the nightstand where I kept my Glock until I felt Bella's hand on my arm._

" _Edward not that…I think…I think it's time."_

" _Time. Oh shit that time!" I exclaimed and I moved from agent mode to insane, I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-I-am-doing, my fiancée is going into labor mode._

 _Bella was breathing heavily as I ran around our new condo scrambling to grab her bag and put on some pants. Our son was three days early and of course I got called in on a search and seizure issue, one of the few times I had ever gotten called while at my new position, and I only got two hours of sleep._

 _Fuck where the hell did I put the keys._

" _Edward." Bella said calmly as I rushed to her side._

" _Do you need help Liefje? What is it?"_

" _I think we need to go. I think my water just broke." She said frantically._

 _I looked at the bed and noticed that it was wet and I instantly panicked again._

" _Oh fuck. Okay. Screw this." I picked her up and she yelped at me to put her down, but I told her not a chance. I had her bag over one shoulder and I hurried out of the condo in my sandals, an old Van Halen tee and jeans._

 _Somehow I managed to have the keys, my wallet and my cell phone in my pockets, but I didn't know how that happened._

 _Well so much for being calm and prepared._

 _We quickly descended in the elevator and Bella was cringing in pain as I just tried to wrap my mind around the fact that the baby was coming._

 _Like now._

 _Like right fucking now._

 _Thank God I paid extra for the spot right by the doors._

 _I quickly strapped her into the seat of the Range Rover and jumped into the driver's seat and pulled out._

 _Finally some semblance of rationality overtook me and I looked over at Bella who was grunting in pain again._

" _Liefje, how long have you been having contractions?"_

" _Since last night." She said between breaths._

" _Bella!" I exclaimed as I tore up Broadway for Columbia Medical. I was actually glad it was the middle of the night because there was no traffic._

" _Why didn't you say anything?"_

" _Because you were so tired when you got home and I thought they were just Braxton Hicks again." She flinched._

" _Jesus Liefje." I shook my head at her. Only my stubborn fiancée would not tell me because she wanted me to sleep when she was having contractions._

" _Well what time did they start?" I asked then._

" _Um…shortly after you left." She said sheepishly again._

" _But I…Bella, I left around eight! You mean to tell me you've been having contractions for almost eight hours!" I said exasperatedly._

" _Edward!" She exclaimed this time. Oh shit, now she's mad. Yeah, I need to back track here._

" _I'm sorry Liefje. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." I blew out a breath. I put my hand on her leg as she inhaled and exhaled and I could tell another contraction was hitting her._

 _Shit._

 _Luckily we were only blocks from the hospital and in a matter of a minute I was pulling into the ER. I came to a screeching halt and instantly jumped out of the car and rushed to Bella's side. One of the nurses was already coming out with a wheel chair and after helping secure Bella, I quickly parked the car and then ran in._

 _My heart was racing in my chest and I felt like my head was going to explode. Hell I was more amped up than when I was on a mission._

 _I hurried in and was led to the back. I found Bella already dressed in a gown and trying to breathe deeply again. The sight of her in so much pain made my heart stop racing and instead ache in my chest._

 _Ok, toughen up Cullen, seriously people have babies all the time, you need to relax._

 _Yeah I wish I could tell the blood running in my veins and my frantic brain that._

 _I took a deep breath and stepped to Bella's side and grabbed her hand. "How are you doing Liefje?"_

" _I've been better." She shot back._

 _Fair enough._

 _I willed myself to calm down then._

 _Get a grip Cullen it's not like you're the one giving birth. So finally I steeled some resolve and just tried to be as supportive as possible._

" _I'm right here." I leaned in and kissed her on the head as she panted. The doctor came in to check her then and when he said that she was past the point of an epidural Bella swore under her breath. I chuckled until she shot me a death glare and then I shut my mouth as well._

 _Suddenly everything in the room seemed to take off at a rapid pace. Bella was incredibly uncomfortable as she was getting closer to pushing. Nurses and assistants and the doctor were running in and out and I finally had to just focus on one thing to keep my head from spinning._

 _Bella._

 _She laid her head back after her most recent contraction and I could see the tears streaming down her face. I knew I needed to help her in any way I could._

" _Bella. I love you so much, you're doing great." I just kept whispering words of encouragement to her, hoping it would help as I wiped the tears away from her face. She gave me a small smile and I knew she was with me. She was always with me, just as I was always with her._

 _Soon enough she was pushing with everything she had. Finally at 6:37 A.M. on May 4_ _th_ _our son was born. I squeezed her hand as I heard his cries ring out through the room and pressed my forehead to hers as she breathed sighs of relief. Our tears mixed as I kissed her and I couldn't believe that he was finally here._

 _The nurse handed him to Bella and I took in his sandy colored hair with the streaks of bronze in it like mine. But then he opened his eyes and I could see they were dark like Bella's and I was at once mesmerized._

" _He's so beautiful." She sniffed as she held him to her in his blue blanket._

" _Well he came from you so of course he is." My voice cracked as I kissed her and leaned my cheek against hers as we gazed at him._

" _He's ours." She whispered. "He's our Eric Bradley."_

 _My heart clenched as I watched my soon-to-be-wife and my son. I knew at that moment I would move heaven and earth for them._

" _Do you want to hold him Daddy?" She gave me a small smile and I realized that she needed to finish with everything else as well._

 _Yet hearing those words from her made everything come into crystal clear focus in that second._

 _My son._

 _I'm a father._

 _I gently picked him up and he felt as light as a feather. He was only seven pounds and fourteen ounces, so he practically was one. As he blinked his eyes again I marveled at him. He was everything. In a way he solidified everything we had and brought us even closer together._

 _I softly cradled him to my chest before the nurses took him again. Yet I had one thing to say before they did._

" _Hi Eric. I'm your Daddy."_

"Are you ready?" I heard Bella ask Eric and he nodded his head emphatically.

"Yes! Daddy let's go swim!"

"Okay Zoonie, let's go." I grabbed his hand and helped him down the stairs as Bella followed us back out.

Before I knew it the pool was filled with kids, along with me and Emmett and Ben as well.

"Who would have thought this is how we'd get our kicks huh?" Emmett said to me as he held little Ethan and let him kick lightly in the water.

"No shit." I muttered to him as Eric squealed and laughed with Ailey and Eliot. "But I wouldn't change it for anything." I said then.

"Me neither man. Me neither." He smiled and I looked around at everyone drinking, chatting, lounging and simply enjoying the beautiful summer day.

After a while my father decided to light up the grill and Eric was in need of a nap. Bella took him inside as I helped my Dad man the grill. I sipped a beer as we chatted with Charlie, Emmett, Jasper and Seth.

"So how's Bella doing…are you ready for the craziness of another one?" Emmett teased.

"She's doing good. And we're having a girl…I told you that." I raised my eyebrows at him.

Charlie, Jasper and my father snickered and I looked at them.

"What?"

"Oh you just wait." Charlie said and shook his head. "If she's anything like Bella you're in for it." His eyes flashed with an evil grin.

"Or Alice." My father added with a smirk on his face and I furrowed my brow at them.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well she doesn't know it, but I had to practically beat the boys away. Brad and I had an entire covert operation going about the whole thing."

I started laughing, because I knew it didn't work from what Bella told me. But then something dawned on me and I instantly lost my grin.

I looked over at her smiling and laughing radiantly with Rose and my sister.

"Shit." I muttered and gulped and my father and Charlie immediately started laughing.

 _God if she looks like her mother…I might have to pull out my gear again._

That thought made me shudder and at once I decided it was a fact.

"Oh you will learn Edward…daughters are a whole other thing." My Dad shook his head as Charlie nodded in agreement.

"So you're saying I'm screwed is that it?" I asked as I drank half of my beer in a swallow.

"All I am saying is she'll have you wrapped around her finger from the get go." Dad stated.

I sighed. Well, there was nothing we could do about it now.

My father and Charlie and Emmett continued to tease me. Jasper of course jumped in because he agreed wholeheartedly since he was "surrounded by women." Once they finally decided to quit ribbing me, talk turned to more manly things such as baseball and business and grilling.

I tuned out for a moment as I watched my father. He was always a quiet person, until he was around his true friends and family. He was so much different from my grandparents it was almost startling.

After the takedown and the smoke cleared, my father helped with the sale of Cullen Enterprises to another large financial company. My family all sold off its stock and transferred the funds to other investments. None of us had to work at all anymore, but I think we all felt dirty by the money. No one wanted it because it was Jan's.

But shortly after Christmas my father sat Alice and I down and told us that even if my grandfather was involved in a lot of bad things, a lot of good people worked for the company over the years and there were a lot of solid business dealings as well. Although we could choose to do what we wanted with our stock, we shouldn't throw it away without thinking.

As a result my first inclination was to make sure my family was taken care of and I set up a trust for our future child at the time, Eric, and for Bella in case something were to happen to me.

Shortly after our discussion as well, my father and aunts went on national television. It was strange seeing my father put on the spot. But they continually reiterated that Jan was his own mastermind and the family was not involved. It helped that they each had their own lives and successful families and careers outside of Jan. It was well received and after only a few weeks and a few more interviews and articles the entire ordeal blew over and made way for the next big scandal.

Of course Sasha didn't want anything to do with it. She ignored the dealings of her husband and where their wealth came from. Instead she chose to go on living her life at the Estate, lunching with her friends and attending parties as though nothing ever happened. Her true colors and the true colors of their relationship really showed—it was obvious they never loved one another and merely had a business relationship. I couldn't understand how she could be so loyal to him after that. But as far as I was concerned, I never needed to see my grandmother again. My father hadn't spoken to her since the interviews either and to some extent the whole process finally gave him some closure as well. Instead he focused on his new granddaughters, his new grandson and the one that joined the family the following May.

I had several people, including Bella, ask me if I was bothered by the use of Dutch in my remembrances of Eric or in my words to Bella. But I wasn't. Simply because Jan was a wicked man did not make the rest of my family bad. In fact, I was more proud of the contributions my father and mother had made to various charities and work they did. I was proud of my aunts and cousins and my sister. Mostly importantly I was proud of Eric. And even if it was one of the reasons for his unfortunate involvement and untimely death, it was who we were. It was part of us, part of our legacy. I would never dwell on it or use it as a bargaining chip for my family like Jan had. But I could honor it and help restore our family name to what it once was—loyal, upstanding and decent. I could live with that.

Day eventually turned into night and the party shifted from one of grilling out and chatting to a more robust feel. However, I was ready for some quiet time with my own little family. Just as dusk was setting in, I walked over to find Bella with a nodding off Eric in her lap. She was chatting with Rose and Alice and I motioned to her to see if she wanted to join me.

I picked up Eric and helped her out of the lounger by the pool and walked instead to one down on the beach. The lilt of voices grew quieter as the day darkened to night. I sat down with my back against the padding and Eric awoke. Bella climbed in front of me and eventually he was back in her lap. We were curled up in the lounger, just the three of us, taking in the beautiful sunset and the peacefulness of the beach.

It was moments like these that never wanted to have end. I loved curling up with the two of them, my entire life in my arms and the whole world at our fingertips.

We chatted quietly about the day and smiled at the various news of our friends and family. Suddenly she jumped a bit and turned to look at me over her shoulder.

"Oh, did you feel that?" Her espresso eyes were glistening in the moonlight as she looked up at me and ran her hand across her belly. I lay mine overtop and felt as another kick came through.

"She's awake apparently." I chuckled into Bella's ear and then looked down at Eric who was snuggled into his mother's lap.

"But not this one…he's down for the count." I rubbed his hair as he took slow measured breaths and Bella laughed lightly.

"He sleeps like you. Once he's out, he's out cold."

"Only when you're in my arms." I whispered as I kissed her hair.

"Mmmm." She gave me a kiss on the jaw and settled back into me as we gazed up at the sky. The waves were crashing into the shore and we could barely hear the din of people chatting on the patio. But I couldn't care less about the party. Everything I would ever need or want was right here.

"So have you thought any more about what we should name her?" I asked quietly.

We had yet to decide on a name for our daughter. Eric's had come rather easily once everything fell into place.

Bella was quiet for a moment and I knew she was thinking about something, it was so much like the memory I had earlier.

"I was kind of thinking we could name her after my grandmother." She finally murmured.

I knew Bella's grandmother was very special to her. Honestly, she was a very brave woman to do what she did, to get away from Aro Volturi, change her name and start her life over. In a lot of ways, I owed her the world because without her efforts Bella would never be here.

I thought of it and I instantly liked it. And as crazy as it was, to have our daughter named after the woman who fought to protect her family relentlessly seemed quite fitting.

"Luciana?" I asked.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"What would the middle name be then?"

"Um…something from your side since the Luciana is from mine."

I cleared my throat as I thought of something.

"How about after my Mom?" I said quietly.

She turned and smiled up at me. "That would be perfect."

"Luciana Esme."

"Luciana Esme." She repeated quietly.

"But we could call her Lucy or…Ana." She trailed off.

"I like Lucy, just like your grandmother. And then it will be Eric and Lucy." I smiled into her neck.

She sighed and rested back into me. I always loved these moments sitting quietly on the beach simply looking up at the stars. My beautiful wife and our beautiful son in my arms, and soon, our daughter would join us. I had everything I ever wanted and more. Everything that, not so long ago, I didn't think was possible.

Then I thought of something else as I felt her pressed against my chest.

"You know once she's born I can get my last tattoo for her right under Eric's."

"What are you going to get this time?" She asked quietly.

"Dochter and her birth date. Just like Eric's."

"I like that…of course you know how sexy I think your tattoos are." She whispered then. I could see the devious glint in her eye and I chuckled.

"Well maybe you'll have to show me once we put this one to bed." I said huskily.

"Mmmm. Maybe." I knew that tone in her voice. I almost picked them both up and ran for the house, but I knew it would look suspicious if we went to bed before the fireworks even started.

So I sat back and thought about the mark I would get when our daughter…Lucy…was born. After Eric was born I had Zoon and his birth date tattooed over my right pec. Then after the wedding I had a Celtic sun tattooed right over my heart. Bella was Mijn Zon, Mijn Licht, so it was only fitting that I have a sun over the heart she owned to represent her. But she was also a fiery Irish girl from Brooklyn, regardless of her half Italian heritage, and I was my mother's son. So I thought it was fitting with the Celtic bull on my arm to use the Celtic Sun. Once Lucy was born I would add Dochter with her birth date right under Eric's and then I would be done.**

 _Well maybe, unless we have any more kids._

We had discussed just having the two. I had to admit with a boy and a girl our family seemed complete. But I didn't want to foreclose the option either. Once our daughter was born Bella would go back on birth control for a few years and then we would reassess it. Of course by then I would be almost forty. But we didn't want to make decisions before we knew. So instead of having her tubes tied or me getting snipped, we would wait to see if we wanted any more after Lucy.

 _Lucy._

I liked that more and more.

Just then the fireworks started in the sky and Bella shook Eric awake. Usually he wouldn't be up this late and we wouldn't wake him, but it was the Fourth of July and every kid loves fireworks.

He oohed and ahhed as the lights shot through the air. I loved watching his expressions and his innocent face as he watched with big eyes. Bella and I laughed with him and smiled as he pointed at the biggest and brightest ones.

I looked at her as she glanced up at me and gave me a breathtaking smile. With a squeeze I let her know just how happy I was, how much I loved these moments with the three of us.

Eventually the fireworks ended and we had to talk a fussy Eric into going to bed. He was spent, but as any good three year old would do he was convinced he wasn't tired.

We made our way back to the patio as everyone was still drinking and enjoying the evening. We said our good-byes and goodnights to our friends and family, glad to sneak off for some time to ourselves.

I carried Eric to my brother's old room and by the time I reached the bed he was fast asleep again. I quickly changed him into his pajamas as Bella changed and freshened up in the bathroom. With a kiss on the forehead he was out like a light and I crept back out of the room. It was fitting that he would always stay in his uncle's room, and I felt even more at peace every time we came here. I wasn't filled with sadness anymore, if anything I was overcome with happiness that I could feel so close to him here.

I quietly closed Eric's door behind me and walked back across the hall. I could hear Bella in the en suite bathroom and crept in behind her. She looked up right as I opened the door and smiled.

"Asleep?" She asked as she brushed her hair.

I nodded, but now all of my focus was on my beautiful wife. She was wearing a pink silk nightgown that looked like pink champagne flowing over her curvy body.

I stepped behind her and ran my hands down her arms as I kissed the juncture of her shoulder and neck. I could see her eyes close in the mirror as she set down the brush and melted into my touch. The ever present electricity between us crackled and snapped. I was always more careful with her now that she was so far along. Still I wanted to take my time with her, worship her beautiful body and make love to her while we had no distractions. I knew Eric was out for the night after being worn out from the day's activities and my mother already told me to sleep in and she would get him in the morning.

So we had the night completely to ourselves, or at least a few hours of it.

 ******* I traced my lips down her shoulder and grazed my hands up her sides. Her eyes remained closed and her lips slightly parted as she breathed in. She clasped her hands on my pajama pants at my hips as I gently brought my hands around to caress her stomach. Slowly, I worked my way over her round belly to her ribcage and her breasts.

She sucked in a breath as I lightly tweaked her nipples through the silk as my lips continued their pattern on her neck. Her much larger breasts were so sensitive. It was hard not to want to devour them, but I wanted her to feel pleasure, to feel how much I loved her in my touch. I could never hurt her. She was everything in the world to me.

Bella lolled her head to the side and I ghosted my lips up her neck to her jaw and below her ear as she sighed in contentment.

"Liefje." I whispered.

"Hmmm." She blinked and caught my gaze in the mirror. I pulled her tightly to me and kissed the top of her head as I stared at her.

"You look so beautiful carrying Lucy…" I let my fingertips trace over her stomach and I could see her eyes water.

"Don't cry. It's true Mijn Zon."

"Edward." She whimpered and then turned around and put her arms around my neck. "Thank you…you just…take my breath away sometimes."

"You deserve it Liefje. Thank _you_ …" I said with inflection.

"For what?" She furrowed her brow.

"For loving me…for being you. I didn't know it was possible but I love you more every second of every day." I said hushedly.

A tear trickled down her cheek but I bent to kiss it away.

"Oh Edward…I feel the same way." Her voice quivered as she brushed her lips over mine.

Then she smoothly pressed her palms up my naked chest as she reached up to kiss me and our lips met softly. The slow smoldering spread throughout my body as I trailed my hands up her back feeling the silk, her satin skin and her thick hair in my fingertips. Our lips moved slowly, savoring one another until I deepened the kiss. As our tongues met I brought her as close to my body as possible.

I fisted her nightgown in my hands and silently brought it over her head. Our lips only retreated to remove it and then they returned to one another again.

Bella traced her fingers along my waistband and within seconds pulled them down my legs and I stepped out of them.

Slowly we backed our way out of the bathroom until the back of my legs hit the bed. I barely removed my lips from hers as I pulled the covers back and brought her into the bed. Our hands roamed over one another caressing, feeling each other's skin. The warmth of her body pervaded my senses as I pulled the sheet over us. I didn't want to stop kissing her or touching her but I knew she would be uncomfortable now in certain positions. So I rolled her on her side and traced my fingers down her back as I followed it with my lips.

I snaked my arm around her feeling her lush breasts in my hand and bringing her back to my chest. I moved her hair away from her neck and instantly my lips descended there again. Kissing, nibbling and tasting her sweet flesh.

The only sounds in the room were our contented sighs and the sound of our lips locking together again. I pulled one leg over my hip and brought my hand down to her center and slowly stroked her wetness.

"Ah…Edward." She at once clasped her arm behind my head and our entire bodies were flush with one another in the intimate position.

I pressed one finger into her as my other arm went under her and pulled her tightly against me.

"Oh God." She whispered and I smiled as I continued to work her to the edge. She flexed her ass back into me and I groaned at the friction.

I added another finger and curled them as I pressed my thumb against her clit.

"Shit baby…ugh." She cried out as quietly as she could and gripped at the back of my hair. I continued my ministrations with my lips and my hands bringing her higher and higher as I did. She turned her head and crushed her lips to mine and kissed me hard as she bucked back into me again.

"Let go Liefje, we have all night." I said quietly once our lips parted. At once she came undone in my hands. Then she kissed me harder, and our tongues fought as she rode out her orgasm against me.

As her breathing steadied she slowed her kiss and reached back to stroke me with her hand.

"Christ." I groaned at her touch and the softness of her hands around me and I could tell she was silently telling me she didn't want to wait any longer.

I hitched her leg higher and placed myself at her entrance. But just before I moved inside of her I looked in her eyes once again.

"I love you Bella, Mijn Vrouw, de moeder van mijn kinderen." And as I kissed her again I filled her and I moaned as always at our union.

I moved slowly at first, simply relishing in our connection. Our mouths locked as I used one arm to hold her tightly to me and placed the other over our daughter. It was quiet and reverent and I could never get enough of it—making love to my wife, my Bella.

She met me as much as she could with each thrust and ground her hips back into me. Soon enough we were both moaning and breathing loudly, but trying to stay quiet enough that no one else would hear us. I softly kissed along her neck, her shoulder and her collarbone as I snaked my hand downward again.

I lightly rubbed my finger against her and I could feel where we were joined.

"Edward…" She groaned and I covered her mouth with mine as I pushed a little harder into her. I could feel her shudder and she was on the edge of her release, close to falling over again.

I simply whispered in her ear over and over between my kisses. "I love you. I love you, I love you." And at last she shattered and I followed her into blissful ecstasy. My mouth never left hers and her hand stayed wrapped around my head as we rode our climax together.

Gently I rubbed her leg and put it back down as I snuggled her against me. I traced my hand up and down her side and as we both let the relaxation settle in. Finally I placed my hand over her stomach and she interlaced her fingers with mine as we could feel Lucy moving inside her.

"We must have woken her up again." Bella laughed and I smiled into her neck.

"She's going to be awake for a while then." I kissed her shoulder and trailed my nose up her neck.

"You can't be ready again…that would have to be a record or something Agent Cullen." She smirked at me over her shoulder.

"I'm always ready for you…especially when you call me that." I said as I nipped at her ear. She giggled and squirmed in my arms and I laughed.

"Well I'm feeling kind of dirty now that you've had your wicked way with me. What do you say to a bath?" She asked.

"With you? Like I'm going to turn that down." I quipped.

I helped her up and kissed her soundly again before we walked back to the bathroom and filled the tub.

"Ugh. I'm already ready for her to get here. I'm as big as a house." Bella grumbled as she turned in the mirror.

She really wasn't. She was all baby and truly glowing from the inside out. Not to mentions she still had her exceptional legs and ass since she worked out every day that she was pregnant. And her breasts…

 _Dear God her breasts._

I shook my head as I looked at her because just the sight of her naked in the bathroom was making my body come to attention again.

"Liefje…shut up and get in here." I said jokingly and she blushed. I climbed in the tub and then grabbed her hand to help her in. As I settled back, she sighed and sat between my legs.

I grabbed the loofa and scrubbed down her arms and shoulders and across her chest. I took my time massaging her muscles, her back and her shoulders. But soon enough the soap was forgotten and Bella was turned around in my lap.

We were even gentler the second time, whispering words of devotion and slowly caressing and kissing each and every part of one another until the sensations became too much and we both fell over the edge again.

I wrapped my arms around her and placed my head on hers in the now tepid water as she yawned against my chest.

"You were right…" She mumbled and I pushed her hair out of her face as I placed a kiss on her temple.

"About what?"

"That it would only get better…" She murmured and yawned again.

I knew exactly what she was talking about, the night shortly after we got engaged when she asked me if it would always be like this. I said it would be better. And she was correct, it had only gotten better.

Once the water ran cold and Bella was practically nodding off in the tub, I lifted her out and dried her off and slipped the silk gown over her again. We climbed into bed and I took her in my arms and held her to my chest. For the millionth time in the last four years I thanked God and anyone else who brought this woman to me, and once again I vowed that I would do anything for her, for our son and for our daughter. And as I felt sleep overtake me and a peacefulness settle in with each of her breaths, I couldn't help but think of how different this was from four years ago, and I could only thank the woman in my arms for that.

*&^%$#

 ******* "Momma look what Daddy and I made!" Eric jumped up excitedly as Bella settled next to us on the beach. We had been at work again on the sand castle we started yesterday and he was even more excited about all the new additions.

"Wow, is that a real castle?" She asked.

"Uh huh." He nodded emphatically and she grinned.

The three of us and eventually Jasper and Alice and Sophie and Sydney set to work on the castle, making various loops and towers and channels. The warm summer sun was rising in the sky and soon enough we were reapplying the sunscreen to the three of them. My parents made their way down as we worked. Ben, Angela, Eliot and Ailey returned to Brooklyn the night before so they could spend the rest of the long weekend with his family. Nonetheless it was great for all of us to be together.

Suddenly a dog came tearing down the beach and was headed straight for the castle as well as the three kids. I could see his leash flailing behind him and his owner running after him.

I quickly jumped up and stepped and front of him, causing him to hit the brakes and skid in the sand. He didn't look like a mean dog, a yellow lab on the loose maybe, but nothing bad.

I told him to sit and he did so as he panted and I grabbed the leash.

"Good boy. Now why are you running away?" I grabbed his leash and tugged, pulling him in the direction of the man. He finally stopped running and bent to catch his breath about twenty yards away.

Once I reached him I offered him the leash.

"Is this your runaway?" I smiled.

He shook his head, still breathing heavily. "Yeah. Sorry about that jailbreak. Sometimes he listens great and others…" He just shook his head and smiled. "I guess he's still got a bit of pup in him, huh."

I smiled and nodded. "Well good luck training him in."

"Yeah. Dogs are like rookies—hard to train in…they just don't do it like some of the old guys do." He said then.

 _Hard to train in?_

I furrowed my brow at him, completely perplexed by his random statement.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh you know…in certain organizations that is." He gave me an intent look then and I instantly stiffened.

"Excuse me." I stated. But before I could invoke his response I felt a hand on my arm.

"Edward. Is everything okay?" Bella asked and I held my eyes on the man for a second as I turned to look at her.

"Yeah, everything is fine."

"Okay. I just wanted to check." She looked at the man and then squeezed my arm again before she turned back.

My eyes followed her and then looked at the man. He was also staring at us and my old senses kicked into overdrive.

Finally he spoke again, this time in a quiet tone. I didn't know this man from anywhere, but I was completely suspicious of him.

"I don't mean any offense man." He put up his hands for a sec, but his eyes looked like they were trying to tell me something.

 _No, I'm just crazy._

"Thanks for stopping the runaway train."

I just stopped.

 _What did he say?_

I stood there bewildered as he nodded then and turned to jog back down the beach. Before I could run after him I felt another pair of hands on my legs and looked down to see Eric tugging at my shorts.

I bent down to pick him up as I watched the man retreating, my senses heightened and on alert and my brain even more perplexed by what he said.

"Who was that man Daddy?" Eric asked then, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"No one Zoonie, just a guy whose dog ran away."

Before I could do anything else my entire family was around me again and I had to snap myself back to my surroundings.

 _It was nothing._

I kept repeating it over and over again. It was just me being paranoid about a man on the beach. What he said didn't mean anything.

I walked back over and bent down to help Eric and Bella again.

She looked at me intently and whispered. "Are you alright?"

I nodded and shrugged. "Yeah…just hard to break old habits I guess."

She smiled and went back to work as I tried to focus on the sand castle.

And as I sat there, trying not to let the man's words circle through my head. I almost had to laugh at myself. Here I was completely inconspicuous out on the beach. That man didn't know me. He didn't know my family. I finally had laughed out loud and Bella raised her eyebrow at me. I just shook my head thinking how much different this was from four years ago and at the same time how there were still remnants of the old me in there.

As we worked and played in the sun, I just resigned myself to the fact that some things wouldn't change. And I was okay with that.

 _I guess you can't entirely shake the field agent within._

29


	30. Outtake: Revving the Engines

**Outtake: Revving the Engines**

 **~Bella Cullen~**

Okay, leather jacket. _Check._

Leather pants. _Check._

Black tank top. _Check_

Matching aviators. _Check._

Red stilettos. _Check._

Insanely hot husband…?

Missing.

Where the hell is he?

I glanced away from the mirror and looked at the clock nervously. Eric was with Charlie and Sue at the Diner down the street. The house in Brooklyn was quiet and for my plan to work I needed him to get here soon before they returned.

 _Like real soon, before I sweat right out of these leather pants._

I blew at my hair and looked at the dark make-up on my eyes. I had to admit, I looked pretty smoking, for a thirty year old mother and wife. I was putting it all out there tonight. The pants were tight, the stilettos were high and now for my anniversary surprise to work I just needed Edward to get here.

Suddenly I heard an engine pull up outside and I was nervous. How could I be nervous about a date with my husband? An anniversary date no less. But for some reason I was. I quickly touched up my blood red lipstick and slipped on the aviators as I ran down the stairs.

I knew he was perplexed, but I told him that I wanted to plan our first anniversary. He was always so sweet and planned our nights out, like our Valentine's Day celebration where we had front row seats to _Les Mis_ and our wonderful honeymoon to the Greek Isles. But this time, I wanted to plan it, and I had something a little different and a little...old school in mind.

I told Edward to bring the bike and wear his leather jacket and a t-shirt. It was going to be warm for August, but once we were on the bike with the wind blowing through our hair it would be better. I knew he had to go home after work to get the bike and then meet me in Brooklyn where our little adventure would take off from.

But I wanted to enact a night I requested not so long ago. So I planned a night full of role playing, so to speak, to get us in the mood for what I really wanted.

A ride on the bike.

 _And not that kind of ride._

I had already been out on the Harley with him a few times that summer and spring in the Hamptons. But he was always so careful when I was on the back. So this time, I was stepping it up a notch.

I heard the engine rev outside again and I blew out a deep breath.

 _God, I feel like I'm in high school._

 _That's the point Bella._

I laughed as I thought of my plan. Edward thought it was strange that I wanted him to pick me up from my childhood home on his bike. All he knew was what he was supposed to wear and that he couldn't answer the door. He could only rev the engine like some eighties teen heartthrob.

Speaking of throbbing…

I was making our date into my own little version of an eighties movie. He was going to pull up outside, looking all bad boy on his Harley, ready to steal me away from my father and have his way with me. It was such a turn on when he looked all bad-ass on his bike in his leather. The problem was he wouldn't be doing any stealing. I would climb on that bike freely.

 _I mean really, you can't kidnap the willing._

I looked out the window before I opened the door and heat flashed through my body at once.

Fuck. My husband is so much hotter than any of those bad boys of days gone by. Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, Johnny Depp, step aside.

There was Edward sitting astride his bike, legs stretched out in perfect ease as he leaned back and took in the neighborhood. He looked entirely too good and entirely too delectable to be sitting on _my_ street in front of _my_ childhood home. With the complete look of the leather jacket and aviators my heart and my core were instantly thumping with the thunder of hormones as though I was seventeen again. I felt like I was actually being catapulted back in time and he was swooping in to sneak me off for some forbidden date before Charlie and Brad were wise of it.

I could see the strong muscles in his legs and the tousled sexy bronze mop on top of his head. I couldn't wait to wrap my legs around him as we screamed down the highway.

 _Or screamed doing other things_.

Cripes Bella, get yourself under control.

 _But seriously, what did I ever do to be married to this man?_

I could tell he hadn't seen me yet, so I quietly stepped out and closed the door behind me. I slowly crept down the sidewalk until I stopped and jutted my hip out as I tossed my leather jacket over my shoulder.

As if in slow motion, he turned his head and looked at me and I could see the knuckles in his hands go white from even twenty feet away. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. Although I couldn't see his eyes yet, I couldn't wait to see what color the jade was, to see if this was working.

But instead of running over to him, I stood there, still, and pursed my lips as I propped my other hand on my hip.

It was then he slowly removed his grip and shut off the engine. He hit the kickstand and, with the stealthy movement of a lion, climbed off the bike and stalked toward me.

As if I had pictured it myself a thousand times, he strode up to me in all his glory and did the one move I had dreamt about, probably a million times, since I was ten years old. He pulled the aviators from his eyes in a swooping motion, just like Tom Cruise did in _Top Gun,_ and I thought my heart was going to bust right out of my chest.

 _Fuck. Me._

He stopped, only a foot from me but still not touching me and I felt as though his eyes were burning a trail a fire through my skin. He licked his lips as his gaze traveled from my head down my body and my legs to the shiny red stilettos on my feet. He motioned for me to turn and as I gave him a little spin I heard him groan behind me. Then he met my eyes again and gave me that devilish smirk, the same one I noticed on the first day I met him. It took everything I had in me not to jump him right there.

 _Dear God what this man does to me._

"Well Mrs. Cullen, this is certainly a surprise." His eyes danced darkly over my body again and I bit my lip in response as I stared at him. I could feel the pulse of electricity between us and I knew already my plan was working.

 _Oh this is definitely going to be a good night._

"Just trying to keep you on your toes _Agent Cullen_." I said with inflection and his eyes flashed as his smirk widened.

He reached his hand out and pulled the aviators off of my eyes as he took me in. He licked his lips again as he tucked them in the top of my tank top and simultaneously pulled me forward.

"So what do you think of my outfit?" I asked breathily as I gazed up at his piercing stare. I could feel the heat from his body and smell the leather from his jacket.

"I think…" He swallowed and then ran a hand down my shoulder, razing the side of my breast until it settled on the inset of my hip. "You better get on the bike before I do something wildly inappropriate in front of your neighbors."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, completely loving the effect I was having. "Wildly inappropriate huh?"

I leaned forward then and pressed my lips right to his ear. "Well maybe I want you wildly inappropriate for our anniversary."

He groaned and his grip on my waist tightened as his other hand joined it. He pulled me into him and I gasped as I could feel he was hard against my hip.

"I don't think the Captain would want us caught for indecent exposure…in his front yard Bella, but I can guarantee I am going to be more than inappropriate with you later."

My breath quickened and I looked at him with a wicked grin as he shook his head.

"You look…I can't even tell you how fucking hot you look Liefje. You're like every naughty fantasy I have ever had about a biker chic." He said lowly.

"You just wait, maybe I can make some of those fantasies come true." I quipped.

He laughed then and bent in to give me a kiss. "What am I going to do with you?"

 _Everything hopefully…_

Our lips met and my body warmed from the sensation. Our mouths were insistent against one another and I opened hoping to get a taste of him before we got on the bike. He was minty and fresh and everything Edward as we breathed each other in and our tongues caressed. It was the same fire and passion as the first time, even though it was over two years later. But as our arms wrapped around each other and my leather jacket dropped to the sidewalk, I heard a loud throat clearing behind Edward.

We froze and pulled away from our heated kiss and I instantly felt Edward stiffen.

"Uh…sorry Captain, we were just heading out." Edward said sheepishly.

My father stood there holding Eric and simply shaking his head. I could see the disapproving look at my outfit and I just shrugged. He grumbled and Sue laughed and slapped him on the arm as Eric wiggled from his grip.

"Momma. Daddy." He babbled and reached out for us. I grabbed Edward's hand and we walked toward Charlie and Sue and pulled Eric from his arms.

"Hi sweetie, did you have fun with Grandpa and Grandma?" I nuzzled his hair and he smiled excitedly at me. We chatted for a moment as I held Eric propped on my hip. The juxtaposition of my overly sexed outfit while holding my son was not lost on me, and I felt uncomfortable. But now we needed to at least chat with them for a few minutes. Soon enough he wanted a hug from his Daddy and squirmed away from me to go to Edward. He laughed and squealed excitedly as Edward tossed him up and caught him. I just smiled at the sight of them together.

I threw on my leather jacket to cover up some of the skin, or rather exposed curves through my tight outfit, while I was standing there.

"Well you two better get going or you're going to be late." Charlie said.

"Yeah. Thanks again for watching him, we'll be back Sunday morning to get him." I said.

"Pssh. Take your time. It's not often I get to have a whole weekend with my grandson." My Dad waved his hand. As Edward passed Eric over, he started to whimper a bit. My Dad bounced him until he drew a smirk on his own face.

"Well you two look…ready for a night out. But be careful on that bike." He frowned.

"We will Charlie." Edward patted his shoulder and then I saw Charlie laugh at something.

"Edward you have some lipstick on you there." Charlie teased him and Edward blushed and wiped his mouth. He shook his head and we all laughed as we kissed Eric good-bye and climbed on the bike.

"Ready Mrs. Cullen?" Edward called back once I had my arms around him and my helmet secured on my head.

"Always for you Agent Cullen."

He shook his head and revved the engine. With one last wave we shot off down the Brooklyn street and the excitement was again racing through my body. As we approached the first light Edward finally turned back.

"So where are we going?"

I gave him the name of a popular pub in the Hamptons and he took off in that direction. We were staying the weekend at Carlisle and Esme's home and had the entire place to ourselves. I already called Esme to make sure of it. She laughed heartily when I told her my plans for the evening and the weekend. And it was perfect. We didn't have to pack a thing since we left clothes there for our frequent visits.

 _Hopefully we wouldn't have to wear them anyway…_

Soon enough we were on the open highway and the wind was blowing through our hair. I could feel the muscles of Edward's abs beneath my touch and I clutched on with everything I had. As we rode out to the Hamptons with the warm breeze and the wind in our hair I couldn't help but think about the last year. It had been amazing, beyond description. To think that I was in such a different place before I met Edward was almost hard to fathom. I loved him more every day, for the man he was and the husband and father he had become. He was everything to me and Eric.

I smiled as I thought about our little boy as well. He was so sweet and inquisitive. He was all boy and wanted nothing but trucks and baseballs and blocks surrounding him. But I didn't care; he was everything to me…to us as well. I thought of how he really brought us together, even more than we already were. In my heart I knew that I would have ended up with Edward, but after everything that happened I couldn't imagine our lives without our little zoonie.

His nickname was something that stuck from the moment he was born when Edward called him zoontje. But I could never say the correct way to call him sonny in Dutch. To me it just sounded like zoonie when Edward called him that. I told him I didn't care and he just laughed so it stuck. To watch Edward with our son was magical in and of itself. I knew he would go to the ends of the earth for us. I knew how much he loved coming home and making dinner and playing with Eric. He loved his "normal" life since he was no longer undercover and I had to admit I loved having him around all the time, in public, in private—everywhere.

I felt the bike pull to a stop and I realized we were already at our destination. But I hadn't loosened my clutch on Edward in time and he turned around to look at me.

"What are you thinking about back there?" He asked as he pulled his helmet off of his head. I followed and gave him a small smile.

"How much I love you, and Eric, and my life." I shrugged and his eyes softened as he put his helmet under his arm and reached up with his other to stroke my cheek. I may have had some purposeful intentions tonight, but it was still our anniversary and he was still my ever romantic husband. I enjoyed just looking in his jade pools for a moment seeing the depth of emotion there.

"Bella, I couldn't say it any better." He whispered as he leaned in and gave me a kiss.

"Best year ever." I said as my lips met his.

"I agree. Happy Anniversary Liefje."

"Mmmm. Happy Anniversary."

Before long, we were making out on the bike like a couple of teenagers and we had to pull away breathless. I could feel the stares of a few of the patrons walking by and Edward laughed at it.

"You know technically we're still newlyweds." He said slyly as he stood up and offered his hand.

"Technically…and I hope you keep that thought for later." I gave him a devilish grin and stepped past him. But before I could get very far he gave me a light slap on the ass and then pulled me into him. I shrieked a bit at the impact through the leather pants and giggled as he kissed my head.

"I can't wait for later." He said lowly and I simply hummed in response.

We walked into the pub which was known for its burgers and beer selection. The atmosphere was young and vibrant and it felt great to be out as just the two of us and at the same time away from the city.

We claimed high top and I instantly threw my leather jacket over the stool. Suddenly I heard a low growl that sounded as though a dog were in there. But as I looked up I realized it was Edward. I glanced in the direction he was staring and noticed three men sipping their beers and staring at my ass. I chuckled as I sat down. But Edward had other ideas. He pulled my chair next to him and wrapped his arm possessively around my shoulders.

"Since when do you go all cave man?" I asked as I laughed at him. I knew he didn't like it when other men looked at me, but he was usually very good about keeping it to himself.

"Since my wife looks like sex incarnate and like she stepped straight out of a Harley calendar." He said gruffly. I saw him give the men one more dark glance and I laughed.

 _If they only knew…they really wouldn't mess with him._

Although I was never one for possessiveness, I had to admit I found it pretty hot when Edward made it known that I was his and his alone. He didn't do it often, but when he did it sent a chill up my spine, a thrill of desire.

 _As if I could ever be anyone else's_.

"A Harley calendar?" I raised my eyebrow. "Doubtful."

He rolled his eyes as he leaned into me. "Liefje, you really don't see yourself clearly. Every man in this bar is jealous of me right now. You look sensational."

I smiled and blushed as Edward gave me a kiss.

He finally calmed down and slipped off his jacket and we ordered beers, burgers and fries. It was like a first date as a teenager—minus the drinking of course—and I laughed and joked with him as I fed him a fry or gave him a bit of my hamburger with hot peppers on it. He coughed and sputtered and downed half of his beer as I laughed that he couldn't take the spice.

It was perfect—no pretenses, no fancy dresses or suits, no distractions. It was just the two of us, in a pub, having a blast and enjoying our night together.

I snaked my hand up his thigh and he smirked as he returned the favor. I could feel the electricity pulsing between us as it always did. But we continued to eat and laugh and keep the urgency at bay.

After we finished our second beer, I strode back to the bathroom as Edward paid the tab. I knew where I wanted to go next. The build-up had been nice, but I wanted to be with my husband for the rest of the night, preferably naked and eventually in our bed at the house in the Hamptons.

I knew no one would be there and we had the house to ourselves for the rest of the weekend, a short quick getaway, and time to do whatever we wanted.

I quickly used the restroom and touched up my lipstick and combed through my hair. As I stepped back out and did my best to stalk back to the table I could feel Edward's eyes on me. I saw him glance at the three men who were once again staring and give them an evil glare. They immediately averted their eyes and I had to laugh under my breath.

As I finally made it to the table I took in every perfect line of my husband through his black t-shirt. I licked my lips at the sight of his firm muscles, his broad shoulders and of course his tattoos peeking out of the sleeve. No one would ever think he wore a suit every day, which I had to admit was equally as sexy, and worked as an attorney for the FBI. No, tonight he looked like the dark, passionate assassin that I met two years ago. But underneath I knew the real Edward, the sweet, loving, witty husband and father that I loved more and more every day. And because he was now mine he was even sexier.

"What?" He smirked at me.

"Nothing. Just you…isn't it against the law to look the way you do?" I teased.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. He had no idea how gorgeous he really was. He didn't see the stares of the other women or feel their eyes on him. And I loved him all the more for it, because for even as attractive as he was, he truly had no idea and only had eyes for me, and I for him.

"If that's the case then I think you're the one committing the crime." He said lowly as he pulled me to him. I stood between his legs as he sat on the high top bar stool and gave him a simple kiss.

"What do you say we get out of here?" I said breathlessly as I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

He ran his hand through my hair and gave me a mischievous grin. "I'd say it's about time." And I laughed.

We both quickly put on our leather jackets and walked back out to the bike. I flipped my hair down and then put on my helmet and I heard a low groan behind me. I just shrugged and Edward shook his head. As we climbed on the bike he turned to ask me where we were going next.

"Your parents' place. We have it all to ourselves for the rest of the weekend." He nodded and as I squeezed my arms around his strong body, he fired up the engine and we tore out of the parking lot.

My mind and body were racing with expectation as though it was our first time all over again. I could feel the adrenaline in my veins as Edward opened it up a bit more on the highway. He must have been eager to get there as well. I decided to move my hands a little further down to show him how much I wanted him already. He tensed a bit and shifted but I continued to gently rub my hands against his lower abs.

In a matter of minutes we were pulling up the long drive to his parents place. The house was dark and the night warm and quiet as he maneuvered toward the overhang next to the garage. We could see the stars above us, feel the summer breeze and hear the ocean from the other side of the house.

As soon as we were in the darkness of the overhang I could feel my pulse quickening and the blood racing through my veins again. The entire night served to build up our anticipation. But before Edward could even turn off the engine I allowed my hands to move further down his waist until I reached the apex of his thighs. I felt him suck in a breath and I pressed my hand along his length through his jeans as he groaned and leaned back into me. He was already ready. I knew it by the look in his eyes as we left the bar. And so was I.

With one hand, I pulled off my helmet and immediately attached my lips to the back of his neck. I bit lightly and then sucked on the small imprint making him hiss and tense. The engine stopped and I could feel him making his way to turn around then but I stopped him.

"No. Stay there." I commanded and for once I wanted to take control.

I reached my other hand around to cup his balls as he ripped his helmet off his head.

"Fuck Liefje."

"Shh. Don't say anything." I snaked my hand under his jeans and his boxers until I was met with his perfect, hard, smooth shaft. The ache in my own core was now pulsing, but I had ideas for how I wanted this to work.

I stroked him up and down as he gripped behind my knees and brought my legs over his. I used my other hand to pop the button and open his fly as I increased my pressure.

He groaned loudly again and I could tell he was getting close to losing it so I stopped and pressed my hands down his thighs, up his perfect abs and over his strong chest. He was still in exceptional shape and the feel of his body under my fingertips caused me to burn with desire for him.

But before I could do anything else, he spun around and straddled the bike so that he was facing me. His eyes were searing into mine and the look on his face was so intense it almost took my breath away.

He crashed his lips to mine as he pulled me into his lap and wrapped my legs around him. I could feel his fingers gripping me through the leather, down my hips and my ass until he pressed one hand fully against my center.

"Ahh." I gasped at the feeling of his hand on me and as always any thoughts of control went flying out the window. Now all I cared about was that he fucked me on this bike and as soon as possible.

Our tongues fought and battled as I ran my hands through his hair. I pushed my fingers under his jacket and he threw his arms back to remove it. But at once they were back on my waist and working their way to that sensitive bit of skin right at the juncture of my hip. I shuddered as he stroked from my hip around my back to my belly button and I moaned at the warmth of his hands.

Too slowly, he snaked his hands up under my tank top and palmed my breasts. I pulled my mouth from his and made my way down his jaw to his neck to his ear where I bit lightly. I knew it turned him on when I did and I continued my ministrations as his fingers deftly moved below my bra and began tweaking my nipples.

We were at once frantic and needy, the raw passion between us as strong as ever. Edward ripped my tank top over my head and then sat me back. His eyes were fierce, his face flushed and his lips swollen from our endeavors. My chest was heaving from my labored breaths and Edward leaned me back against the bike as his hands firmly ran up my stomach and over my breasts.

Fuck I loved it when he touched me like that.

How he wanted me, he needed me.

And I needed him.

I moaned as his lips found my belly button and circled slowly until he placed hot fiery kisses up my abdomen.

"Liefje." He mumbled into my chest as he pushed back my bra and pulled my nipple into his mouth.

"Fuck." I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes as my hands found his hair.

"You are…without a doubt…the sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on." I moaned as he moved to the other nipple and then reached around to unclasp my bra. I was now topless on the bike as he held me to him and continued his ministrations. My back arched as I tugged his head to my chest. I was lost in the sensations of him working me over yet again.

But I wanted to feel him, all of him against me.

"Edward." I gasped. "Take your shirt off."

He sat up and I immediately pulled his shirt over his head and had to admire the sight. I pressed my hands down his strong chest just taking in the perfection of man before me.

My Apollo, my Edward, my husband. Tattooed and sculpted and just fucking unbelievable.

And he was mine, all mine.

I flexed and squeezed my hands over his taught muscles and I could feel his eyes on me as his breathing picked up. At last I made my way down to his pants and found his erection again.

"God…shit." He groaned and one hand went to my hair.

"Turn around." I rasped as his lust filled eyes met mine.

"What?"

"I said turn around." I unwove my legs from his and hopped off the bike as he switched me places. He was straddling the bike and I stood with my legs on either side as well. I pressed my hands up his thighs and then tugged on his jeans to pull them down just a bit. It was enough to free him and at once I had my hand on him again.

He cursed and before he could stop me I bent down to run my tongue over the head.

"Fucking hell Liefje." He growled and I grabbed his hand which was gripping the seat and put it in my hair. He gripped it just enough to steady himself and I could feel him breathing in and out.

I worked my mouth down his shaft and back up again, swirling my tongue at the top and then loosening the pressure. He hissed and I removed my mouth as I kissed his lower abdomen.

"Tell me what you want Edward." I snaked my tongue along his pelvis, teasing him a bit.

"God…I…" I could tell he was at a loss for words and I smiled at the thought.

"Tell me." I commanded.

Then I moved my mouth to him again but he pulled me up by my arms and crashed my lips to his. I moaned into the kiss as he fisted my hair and clutched my ass with his other hand. In a matter of seconds it seemed like his hands were everywhere, gripping me to him with all he had as he found the pulse point on my neck. With a low growl he tensed as I grabbed him again.

"Bella, I want to fuck you over my bike." His voice was gravelly and hot in my ear and so fucking sexy.

"I thought you'd never ask." I said as I nipped at his neck.

"Oh I'm not asking."

 _Fuck._

My core erupted in fire as he stood up and picked me up at the same time. He turned and stepped over the bike and set me down.

"Turn around." He ordered and I could hear the desire in his voice.

I quirked my eyebrow at him and turned so that I was resting my arms on the seat, my leather clad ass was in the air and Edward was behind me.

"Christ." He growled as I felt his hands on my ass and pressing along my legs until they moved in toward my center.

"Holy shit, Bella, you are definitely wearing these again."

"I thought you didn't like other men looking at me in them." I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder and the look of pure passion on his face was undeniable.

"For me. Just for me Mijn Vrouw. You're mine." He said as his hands spanned my waist and pulled my ass back into him.

I moaned as I could feel his hardness against me and I wanted him inside of me immediately.

"Then show me." I responded and he gripped me tighter as I wiggled against him.

At once he was unzipping my pants and tugging them down my legs. But he didn't pull them all the way down before I felt him against me again.

"You better hold on Liefje." I moaned as I felt his fingers press against me and finally enter me, preparing me for him. "Fuck you're wet baby."

"Edward…" I whimpered because I was dying for him. He removed his fingers and without warning slammed into me.

"Fuck!" I cried out and gripped the seat.

"God damn Bella." He groaned and I could tell he was already fighting it off and steadying himself. But I wanted more. I pressed back into him and he growled as hand snaked into my hair. He began thrusting and I met him with each pass as he drove deeper and deeper. The feeling was exquisite as he took me over the Harley. With the dark night surrounding us, I felt as though we were doing something naughty again, as though we were teenagers.

"Fuck Liefje, the pants and the red heels, you're killing me." I could hear him gritting his teeth as I moaned at the sensation of him so deep inside me.

"Only for you babe." I managed to rasp and that only prompted him to pick up his pace.

I was already close, but I was doing everything to hold it off so I could just live in the moment: Edward taking me over his bike and unraveling at my hands.

"Harder. Edward, harder." I commanded.

"Christ." He grumbled and squeezed my hair as I arched back into him.

But soon he loosened his hold on my hair as his other hand continued to grasp my hip. He pulled me back into him, thrusting hard and deep and I cried out again. As soon as his fingers found my clit, I knew I was done for.

"Oh God, Edward!" I screamed as my orgasm crashed into me and I could feel him tense behind me.

"Shit Bella." He growled as he drove into me relentlessly and followed soon after. He leaned over and pulled me up against him, my naked back against his naked chest as we panted from our release.

After a few moments, he pulled out and then stood me up and bent down to remove my pants. I was now standing in only my red heels as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. He nuzzled my hair and I could smell him and us and the cool night air as I stood there.

"So much for candles and romance on our first anniversary." He murmured in my ear.

"Fuck candles and romance. That was way better." I said.

I could feel him laugh against me and I turned my head to press my lips to his.

"You know wherever you are is perfectly fine with me. I don't need all that." I said quietly.

"I know. But I like to show you how much you mean to me. You mean everything to me Liefje. I can't even tell you how much I love you."

My chest tightened as I stared at him. He was everything to me as well, he always had been—from the first moment I laid eyes on him.

"I love you too…so much Edward." I whispered. I gently brushed my lips against his as we kissed slowly and reveled in the feeling of our bodies flush against each other. But soon enough I pulled his lip into my mouth and our kiss intensified.

I broke it off and lightly pressed my lips to his chin as I spoke again.

"You know…we could try for two for two tonight." I said huskily as I continued my trail down his neck.

"How's that?" He rasped and I could feel him responding already against my back.

"Well, isn't the Aston in the garage…I think once upon a time you promised to take me over that as well?"

He pulled back and I saw his eyes flash with fire as he gave me a small smirk.

"Well now…I better make my wife happy." He gave me a wicked grin and in a movement he lifted me up in his arms and I squealed at him. As we burst through the door of the garage I laughed at his eagerness.

"What?" He said.

"Nothing. Looks like your engine is raring to go again."

He chuckled as he sat me down and pressed me back against the hood.

"Oh Liefje, my engine is always primed and ready to go for you."

"Even after a year?" I quirked my eyebrow at him.

"Even _more_ after a year." He bent down and kissed my neck. "Mijn Vrouw, I want you more every day and that's never going to change. I could never get enough of you."

"I feel the same way." I mumbled as his lips found mine again. "Now what do you say we rev that engine again?" I said as I sat back against the car and he lifted my legs to wrap around him.

"I say...let's see how high we can get her." He smirked as he pressed into me.

I gasped and moaned as I locked my lips to his neck. "Show me what you've got Agent Cullen."

"You really shouldn't have said that." He threatened.

 _Oh no Agent Cullen but I'll be so glad I did…_

 **XXXX**


End file.
